Friday, May 09, 2008

THIS CHURCH HAS RELAXED ITS NEGRO ADMITTANCE POLICY



"Freehold Iowa- Wednesday evening, Pastor Deacon Fred sent elderly white church members into a tizzy of profane catcalls when he announced that Landover Baptist would be admitting people of color into the main sanctuary for the first time in history. He assuaged their fears by confiding that coloreds would have limited access to the general congregation and would be restricted to hidden areas. "We've got to face it my friends," he said, "It's not the same world anymore. There are colored folks in this town who make more money than some of our tin-level tithers, and cash doesn't discriminate based on color. It's all green to Jesus and He doesn't care if it comes out of a Negro's shoe, or a white man's wallet, as long as it ends up in our offering plates on Sunday morning. Praise God!"



Landover Baptist will utilize a screening process invented by wealthy, educated colored folks. "We understand that people of color with money are just as leery of other Nubians whose ancestors were apparently so hideously unattractive that no obese, drunken white man could even bring himself to rape them," said Pastor Deacon Fred. Since Coloreds have developed a successful process for screening out their undesirables, and since we don't have much experience in these matters, the Board of Deacons at Landover Baptist is advising that whites borrow from a pre-existing process that people of color are already very comfortable with. "We understand that this is a very exciting time for local Negroes," said Pastor Deacon Fred. "For many, it's their first opportunity to worship in a real church, with a floor that doesn't turn to mud when it rains, and to be among people whose parents and grandparents first introduced their ancestors to the lashing Love of Jesus. If it's any indication of their eagerness, there is a already a long list of applicants who have paid the non refundable $50.00 admittance test fee."



Prospective Negro church members annual household income must exceed $148,000 (as verified by non-colored accountants) to qualify for the following admittance tests:



1. Brown Paper Bag Test:A brown paper bag will be placed next to the face of each candidate. If the skin of the candidate is darker than the bag, they will not be admitted into the church. If such a person is unable to tap-dance or engage in any other harmless talent to the delight of the families making their way from the reserved parking decks, they will be immediately escorted by Pastor Sergeant Connor into the next county. Those Negroes who pass this initial test will then be directed to the appropriate ticket window and should then pay careful attention to the three signs for the new, separate entrances: Brown Paper Bag , High Yellow, and Passing. Out of loving Christian concern, we understand that if an individual falls into one category, they will be uncomfortable if they are seated in the company of another category. As such, one of the domestics employed by the Ladies of Landover will make a binding, non-appealable, decision regarding where you will sit based on your skin tone.



2. Pencil Test:A pencil will be placed through the hairy naps at the back of the head of each candidate. If the pencil stays in the naps without support, the candidate will be denied access to the church, but will be permitted to join us in worship from the parking lot if a love offering is make in advance.



3. Bible Balance Test:A Bible will be placed at the tuft of the back, just above the buttocks of the candidate. If the hind end is jutted in such a way that it holds the Bible in place without support, the candidate will be denied access to the main sanctuary, but will be permitted to join us in worship in the caged area behind the one way mirror above the center balcony.



4. Pronunciation Test:Candidates will be given a series of simple English sentences to memorize and recite (example: "I say, don't you rather think that this pish-posh about it being dreadfully inclement was balderdash, as it appears that it shall be most agreeably lovely – just absolutely, gloriously brilliant -- for well into the next fortnight, no?" ) If the candidate forgets or mispronounces any of the words, or if the Pastor doing the testing is not comfortable with their quarrelsome or uppity inflection, they will not be admitted to the main sanctuary, but will be allowed to join us in worship from the parking lot or from behind the one way mirror above the center balcony.



5. Special TestFor legal reasons, we do not discuss this special test publicly.
Historical Note: Previously, people of color were confined to the small caged area to the rear of main sanctuary where they were forced to stand behind a one way mirror. Coloreds were also permitted to sit out in the field behind the church and watch services on the outdoor jumbo-tron above the parking lot. Since, in bald violation of States' Rights and etiquette, the US Marshals' surprise raid in 1972 forced Landover members to finally free their slaves, white parishioners have since suffered greatly for the Lord's sake. In some extreme cases, members who cannot afford servants are even forced to do their own cooking and cleaning. Most Landover Baptist members retain their family slaves in the form of "indentured servants." These faithful and happy servants retain their previous living quarters and are given a small salary for food and clothing. In return, they are blessed daily with the privilege of serving the last generation of True American Christians™ in Freehold, Iowa. These faithful servants await their reward in Heaven where, God willing, they will continue 5 star service to God's chosen people who will become their masters in mansions of Glory.



Special Notice: As a privately funded non-profit religious institution, the Landover Baptist Church reserves the right to discriminate based on race, religion, sexual preference, size, weight, height, age, sex, and political affiliation. "



More about my favorite church here.

90 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is a parody. A bad one though. Why are you trying to pass it off as real? Clue: if betty bower is anywhere around it is a joke.

Anonymous said...

Shit, I thought this was for real because I know people from Iowa who think like this.

field negro said...

"This is a parody...."

Nooo, it is? And here I was going to have a come to jesus moment and join this church. Damn it!

Anonymous said...

I admit it took me until 2/3 the way through the first paragraph to start getting wise....but Anonymous, I don't think we have to worry about very many of Field's readers thinking this is a real story.

Real friggin funny as far as I'm concerned though.

Anonymous said...

It's a wonderful spoof, that's for sure. I had heard rumors about this 'church' so it had me fooled for a good while.

LISA VAZQUEZ said...

Hey Field Negro!

This post may be satire but segregation is alive and well in good ole AMERIKKKA!

I grew up in a former "sundown town" in the Midwest. If your state doesn't have any "sundown towns", just do a Google search with those two words!!

I integrated the church in that town when I was a child - just by walking in and taking a seat one Sunday morning!

The town had no blacks at all - except for my family, one domestic worker (who left at SUNDOWN) and one elderly woman who moved in after our family.

I'm a Gen-Xer so this is NOT something from the 50s and 60s!!!

There are still churches just like the one you described...and the Klan has their own assembly of churches throughout the country. They all have the exact same name.

Just dropping some knowledge in the fields....

{raised fist}

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

Unknown said...

field.. you had me...LOL
i thought to myself ...raahtid they still have this going on in the states? i was about to send it to my brother...
very funny indeed...
and a great weekend to you...

Anonymous said...

All of this race talk disturbs me. I claim no race, and if anyone calls me a race (other than the human race), I just disregar them. I was born in South Wales, my parents were not. We have traveled abroad my entire life. I claim no country because I have traveled around my entire life and feel at home nowhere. A country has been forced upon me for passport purposes that is for sure.

If a person of colour willingly denounce their color, then we will not find ourselves dicriminated so much and the issue with a church such as this would not be such a problem.

Ann Brock said...

Field shame on you! I am going into prayer for you. You be bless!

Anonymous said...

The Landover Baptist Church welcomes all demoninations, but they really like fifties and hundreds.
chamblee54

Anonymous said...

~
Because we all tan, the Brown Paper Bag or the Pine Board (Members of the Board) is contrasted against that side of the forearm that gets the least amount of exposure to the sun; not the face.

One would not want Turtle, to hab to set outside with us darkies.
`

Denise Oliver-Velez said...

Great spoof. But rooted in so many realities. I remember the brown paper bag test.

This made me think of the LDS - Mormon Church, who ostensibly changed their theology to let black folks into the Temple. They do such heavy recruiting now in Latin America - and have targeted Brazil where they found - oops BLACKS. Even though GWB had no clue about black people in Brazil, the Mormons wanted all that new opportunity to collect tithes.

Anonymous said...

See: the thing with christianity is that it changes too much, they come with a " new holy" bible every now and then, they write it and then claim it is from god. Christianity was laid on the on the black race, mostly true in america. Then there is the issue of the color of the skin of Jesus, he is/was white right? So... god is white according to christians, so the white skin is better/superior to other skin colors right. From the black perspective, god is black?? Shouldn t an asain person claim god is yellow? My point being, christianity is too simplistic, too much from the hand of man.

Anonymous said...

Heh, heh. It was the phony links that first tipped me off.

Kellybelle said...

You so crazy, LOL.

Anonymous said...

I think it's funny. Isn't that point of satire? It's making something fun that is true. That mega church trend is strange, and it is not a church but a mere version of a basketball arena. The parody isn't too far from the truth, and I think it's funny. However, I also read the Onion and find a lot of that is funny.

Anonymous said...

I think it's funny. Isn't that point of satire? It's making something fun that is true. That mega church trend is strange, and it is not a church but a mere version of a basketball arena. The parody isn't too far from the truth, and I think it's funny. However, I also read the Onion and find a lot of that is funny.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Trumopet blower, What is the name of the klan churches?

Dirty Red said...

Field you know you are not right with this post.

Damn you got me! I damn near read the whole thing before I realized you were bullshitting.
I wonder how many White people today still think like this?

field negro said...

blackwomen....I feel you about the "sundown towns" I bet there are plenty here in Pennsylbama.

And I believe you about those churches. Segacious, I could give you the names of some "klan" churches but I don't want to offend anybody :)

marci, I am glad you caught yourself and didn't send the link to your brother. You know he would have told you to stop reading the shit that the crazy ass field Negro writes :)

jjbrock, please pray for me.

chasingmukti, I wish we didn't have to talk about race so much too. I mean there are other things I would love to focus on with this blog. Like where the hell is Lark Voorhies for instance. I am watching "HOW TO BE A PLAYER" (for the 100th time) as I write this and seeing Lark on that screen is killing me.

denise oliver-velez, race and religion has a fascinating history in this country. And you are right about the LDS, I am still having some issues with the sudden change of heart about black people.

co-sign with Anon.8:01AM 100%

Yes gwpriester, I think those links are a dead giveaway :)

A.F. said...

Ha! This is masterful! I hope the Landover site is going to post it!

I didn't get a chance to comment on "10 Myths," but are you sure you didn't just get ahold of HRC's talking points memo, insert the word "myth(s)", and post it? :)

Ivan Ivanovich Renko said...

Speaking of sundown towns, I drive through one every (work) day: Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio.

Their high school mascot?

The Black Tigers.

Irony is most certainly not dead.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous at 8:01...

...I fully support your decision to declare that Christianity isn't worth your time, but a couple points of error.

I haven't seen too many new bibles. They shift the language somewhat to be more understandable rather than sticking to old English...but the content isn't really changed in most cases. There are some translations that take massive liberties, but those are on the fringe; not considered mainstream canon.

Also, Jesus probably wasn't white. Not too friggin likely given the time and place he was born and raised.

vanishing point said...

Ha Ha Field, you got me good, the bad links were the clue for me, too.

LISA VAZQUEZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LISA VAZQUEZ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LISA VAZQUEZ said...

@ Anonymous posting at 8:01am

I find your perspectives to be interesting - although quite inaccurate given the facts that are readily available.

As a minister, I usually find it interesting to hear people pontificate about Christianity who have NEVER read the Bible in its entirety.

I am not saying that I am implying you haven't read it...I am just making the statement.

Most Christians I have encountered who profess to have been RAISED IN THE CHURCH have not read the Bible in its entirety. So if you are listening to those who have been ATTENDING CHURCH since childhood who have never bothered to read the Bible in its entirety to explain Christianity...well...I'd ask you to examine whether that is an intelligent decision to make.

You mentioned the skin color of Jesus, well.... only those who have NOT read the Bible are unaware that there is NO MENTION AT ALL of Jesus' having white skin anywhere in the Bible.

Your statement about Christianity changing is ABSOLUTELY FALSE. Christianity is what it is. People who CLAIM to be Christian have attempted to define Christianity for other people in a way that suits their own agenda or preferences. This does not mean Christianity has changed. It means that people have ATTEMPTED to change the definition of Christianity for their own ends.

It is also a FALSE STATEMENT for you to allege that a "NEW" Holy Bible has been presented. (a) There are various translations of the Bible. (b) There are "versions" published of the Bible. There are central tenets of Christianity that are promulgated within those versions and translations.

Feel free to demonstrate the in-depth research you have completed on the translations and versions of the Bible and POINT OUT which tenets of Christianity have been changed. I am very eager to hear about about your research into this.

There are also NON-CHRISTIAN groups who label themselves as "Christian" in order to have broad acceptance globally and within this country. This is why many of the masses are confused about what constitutes Christianity. Two of the largest and most deceptive cults in the entire world state on their websites that they are "CHRISTIAN" organizations.

Feel welcome to email me and I'll be happy to dialogue more.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Field too much satire on an empty stomach does not make for a stable tummy!

As Uncle Ruckus would say, "Praise White Jesus!"

Seriously though...wooly hair, considered 'unattractive', with family living near the Euphrates...that doesn't really fit the depiction of the long-haired pale-skinned blonde guy who I understood to be Michaelangelo's brother as the most accurate example of Jesus.

Reading the Bible and comprehending the Bible is not the same thing. I've had to throw out everything I was 'taught' in church and constantly have to evaluate my critical thinking in regards to the Bible...and religion for that matter. I think one of the most valuable things I've recently learned is that "God" is waay more understanding and loving than portrayed by the fire & brimstone, Hell & Damnation crew. #1 That "THEIR" version is the ONLY version and if you don't follow what they say or how they interpret the bible you will go to hell. #2 God can be Buddah or female or Allah or something else. Why would entire populations, millions of people be damned for eternity because they don't 'believe' in a very rigid and specific way? #3 God is not the CEO of a company where you are the janitor. I'm talking about hierarchy here. Why can't 'God' be our friend vs. some guy in the sky looking down on us ready to zap us for every infraction? #4 Having a moral compass is more important than following a list of do's and don'ts. Otherwise it becomes all about 'rules' and not about having a devotion practice. #5 The role of women has been intentionally downplayed. How many female run churches/movements/religious practices do you see? Yet typically I'd say from a 'Christian' background who is that usually attends services, volunteers and gives money?

Just a Sat afternoon rant before I've had my coffee du jour!

field negro said...

See, this is why I love blogging. I can learn so much from folks like blackwomenblow....and deacon blue(who from what I can tell of them, seem to be REAL christians in the true spirit of the word)

blackwomen...count me as one who has never read the bible in its entirety, even though I am a PK snd was born and raised in the church. Still, I think you and Anon.8:01AM might be both right to a certain extent. I don't think Anon. was saying that the bible said jesus has a color, I think he/she was saying that different religions embraced their own image of jesus to suit their own purpose.(Which, by the way, might not necessarily be a bad thing) But Anon.AM, feel free to check me, I don't want to speak for anyone else.

a.f., "Hillary's talking points memo"? That's too funny.

ivan, you got me with the "Black Tigers" mascot. Yes, the irony is rich.

"Reading the Bible and comprehending the Bible is not the same thing. I've had to throw out everything I was 'taught' in church and constantly have to evaluate my critical thinking in regards to the Bible...and religion for that matter. I think one of the most valuable things I've recently learned is that "God" is waay more understanding and loving than portrayed by the fire & brimstone, Hell & Damnation crew. "

Damn it heartsandflowers, poor me a cup of that coffee too please, and keep ranting. I need to get some of that biblical knowledge.

Miriam said...

This is a joke. I"m sure it is.

Anonymous said...

Field, I had to check my calendar. I guess it must be May Fools Day. Forgot you were a PK; y'all will always instigate the mischief, won't you?

LOL @ Anon 7:15. The real "culluh" is always green, isn't it?

I think "stratified" churches will always exist - in all colors. (I think though that some pastors/congregations are thinking they might have to check their public personae at least, since it looks like the color of the President might change. Ya know?)

Oh and Field, Professor Brazile has been honorary for a long time now. If you haven't read her book, you might enjoy it.



*Vitamin Vote: An Important Part of This Nutritious Breakfast*

Invisible Woman said...

Ummm...

holy sh*t.

Anonymous said...

deacon blue, it s not that christianity is a waste of time for me but rather too much gray area. Also you said” Jesus probably wasn't white. Not too friggin likely given the time and place he was born and raised”. Do those books/translations add some light in to those issues.

Sister lisa, god bless for being a minister, but aren t there a lot of pictures of jesus ( they surely have those in white churches and let me just add to it his color is “ quite white” ). May be you can add some info on that part. You said, People who CLAIM to be Christian have attempted to define Christianity for other people in a way that suits their own agenda or preferences, I totally agree with you which also spread to other religions. As for changes/translations, when a “ new translation” is published doesn t that change the message of the original text. Being humans after all, one would look it from his own perspective right. One example would be, there is one god jesus, but he is the son of mary ( who is created by god), another jesus dies, god ...(a bit blasphemy). I am not looking down on it, you seem a very good person, I just think it comes with a lot of gray space. Nor do I claim to be an academic on religious studies, its just how I look at things.

Field “I don't think Anon. was saying that the bible said jesus has a color, I think he/she was saying that different religions embraced their own image of jesus to suit their own purpose.” truly said mr field, by the way good job at running a very interesting place to exchange black ideas and thoughts.

Invisible Woman said...

that website is frightening...

Bernadette Merikle said...

For no reason at all, I scrolled down the blog, saw that gorgeous photo of DB, kept scrolling and then came to the pic from MT of Hillary with that little girl with no poker face. I fell out my chair and brought the neighbors runnin cause that photo is print worthy and needs to be posted on my board at work. Gotta love that about kids--they don't sugar coat it! still can't stop laughing at her face...lol

B

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous 7:38 (this is why I don't like it when people post as "anon"; too hard to keep 'em straight)

;-)

Anyway, all those "pictures" of Jesus are paintings, painted several hundred years after Jesus was dead and when Christianity had spread into Europe and was controlled by Whites and not by Middle Eastern Jews, who were the original Christians...those that saw Jesus as the Messiah at least.)

Ergo, those paintings reflect the Eurocentric mindset of the artists at the time. If you're white, and the whites constitute most of the church, you see Jesus as a white guy. So that's how they painted him.

The Bible itself offers no real description of Jesus but it stands to reason that being in the Middle East, he would have at least a dusky complexion...certainly he wouldn't be sporting European facial features even if his skin was on the light side. Sure, a lot of Jews now look pretty white, but we have to remember that a lot of the Jews now come from European stock and not from pure Middle Eastern stock. A lot has changed in 2,000 years.

BTW, Field...thanks for thinking of me as a "true" Christian. Lord only knows if it's true or not...LOL...but I appreciate that you don't see me as a nutjob, anyway.

GrannyStandingforTruth said...

Excuse me, but the bible does give a description of him. It says:

"Rev 1:14 His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. Rev 1:15 His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. Rev 1:16 In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance."

Anonymous said...

@ Granny:

That's post-transfiguration. I'm talking when he was in the flesh originally. It's also highly symbolic...unless you think a sword is sticking out of Jesus' mouth.

;-)

SouthernGirl2 said...

Field,

You had me laughing out loud! You know better!

LISA VAZQUEZ said...

Anonymous posting 9:33 pm

You have ably defined the Bush administration's platform - as well as the Reagan administration's platform - as well as Dad Bush's platform...it's called the WHITE VALUE SYSTEM...

Surely, THAT hasn't gone unnoticed by you??

It is interesting that many white people want to scrutinize Obama's pastor based on MISREPRESENTATION of the pastor by the white media... and ask any white person who the pastors of the last five president's were....they can't name them....GUESS WHY? Because the white media deliberately didn't scrutinize those pastors...have you ever heard any excerpts from those pastors? NOOOOO.. geee, does anyone wonder why? Of course, we don't wonder why....we KNOW why.

Finally, I would say to white people who are soooo deeply offended when black people focus on the black community and focus on solutions to advance the black community... please MAKE UP YOUR MINDS...either you want black people to sit back and have YOU solve the problems in the black community or else you want US to do so...and when we do...we'd appreciate it very much if you'd butt out of it (particularly since you KEEP SCREAMING for us to solve our own problems...white people DO vividly remember that...right?)

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Anonymous said...

hey Field,
I couldn't find a link to just e-mail you on your sidebar (yes, maybe I'm just lazy!)

But would love to see you start a new conversation on this. Is satire about racism okay?! is it "more" okay if black folks have input?

this is a timely question in my midwestern town right now. As a white chick, websites like blackpeopleloveus(dot)com are amusing to me . . . and that particular site was allegedly written with the help of black folks, IIRC . . . but does the presence or absence of input from POC make it better or worse?

I'd love to hear a conversation about this. I have been watching a local battle over a spoof that I thought was mocking the white authority, but which apparently went too far and caused pain to some black folks in said community.

so now I'm wondering--is satire a total "no-no"?

field negro said...

rain, it's fnblg@yahoo.com.

To me, satire is never a no no.
If it makes us openly discuss the issue of race and causes us to be honest with each other, I am all for it.

Justice58......ahh let me stop :)

BTW, I loved the theological discussion that you guys just dropped on this comment section.

ladyday said...

Please, please make some space for Carole "Ah luvs me some Miz Hill'ry" Simpson in the house with Ron Christie.

During the campaign, this woman's irrationally slavish devotion to Hillary Clinton has raised house Negritude to an art form.

But her performance on Larry King Live last Friday was truly houseworthy. Among other outrageous statements, she said that Hillary should be given the Democratic nomination because, "We'll probably see the Bradley effect. Whites who voted for Obama in the primaries will likely not vote for him in the general election. America is not ready for a Black president". So, Black men shouldn't even consider running, right? If this rationale had been used when she began her journalism career, we'd never have Ed Bradley, Bernard Shaw, or Carole Simpson.

At least put her out on the lawn. She truly deserves it...

Unknown said...



دائما ما يختار احد العملاء منزله وبعد فترة زمانية يتم تغير الموقع الى بيت اخر او منزل تانى حسب ظروف الشغل او حسب المديات فدائما ما نوفر افضل طاقم عمالة مدربة على اعلى مستوى وفنيون ممتازون
على اعلى مستوى يوجد لدى الشركة اسطول كبير من السيارات لنقل داخل وخارج الممكلة والرياض فتقدم شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض شركة الأوائل خدمات كثيرة ومتنوعه اهمه فك وتركيب العفش والاثاث وايضا يوجد لدينا افخم مستودعات فى شركة تخزين اثاث بالرياض مستودعات كبيرة مستودعات مؤمنة مستودعات مصرح به وتعطى ضمان ضد الحريق وضد الغير وايضا يوجد لدينا اكونت على حسابنا على الفيس بوك يقددم خدمات وصور شركة نقل عفش بالرياض وايضا مهام العفش هى الاثاث فيقدم ايضا نقل اثاث تعطى الشركة ضمان على النقل
نقدم ايضا خدمات عديدة ومتنوعه اهم خدمات تنظيف للفلل والشقق والمنازل شمال وشرق وغر بالرياض يتلخص فى شركة تنظيف بالرياض الشركة الاولى فى الرياض التى تقدم خدمات سريعه وبا اقل الاسعار واعلى جوده كما تغطى شركة تنظيف بشرق الرياض جميع احياء ومناطق الشرق امثال حى الخليج الربوة اليرموك قرطابة السلى السلام النسيم وغيره من احياء الشرق وايضا تقد الشركة خدمة شركة نظافة بالرياض بواسطة عمالة متخصصو فى اعمال التنظيف والجلى وتقدم افضل السوائل والمواد المستورده خصيصا من الخارج

فتقدم ايضا شركة الاوائل خدمات خاصة فى اعمال شركة رش مبيدات الشركة التى تستخدم افضل وارقى انواع المبيدات الغير ضارة بدون رائحه بواسطة فنيون خبرة 20 عاما وايضا تقدم الشركة خدماته فى اعمال شركة رش مبيدات شرق الرياض وتغطى جميع احياء الشرق
وفى حالة وجود اى انسداد بالمجارى الخاصة بالمنزل عليك سرعة الاستعانة بالشركة الاسرع والارخص والافضل ولا يشترط التسليك فى المره الاولى الاهم ان لا يعود بعد فترة اخرى او ينبغى اضافة مواد لتجنب الروائح فى المنزل وتتلخص فى شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض من حيث الجوده هى الافضل ومن حيث الارخص فا ارخص الاسعار شعر الشركة وايضا تغطى جميع المناطق امثال شركة تسليك مجارى بشرق الرياض
ونقدم اليكم الخدمة الافضل والتى يترئاسة طقم عمالى سودانى مدرب على اعلى مستوى برئاسة ابوعلى اقدم واشطر المندوبين يشترى با اغلى الاسعار لان يقدر على تسويق اى منتج بعد شاءها ارخص الاسعار من شركة شراء اثاث مستعمل بالرياض شركة الاوائل
تقدم شركة الأوائل خدمات عديدة وبا افضل الخدمات وبا افضل التكلفة التى تتناسب مع العميل ولمتابعة خدمتنا على الفيس بوك تفضل

Unknown said...


شركة تخزين عفش بالرياض
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
شركة نظافة بالرياض
شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض
شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض

شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض

شركة رش مبيدات بالرياض

خدمات منزليه متكاملة said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
El Awal said...

مكافحة بق الفراش في المنازل
افضل شركة رش مبيدات بالافلاج
مكافحة الباعوض بالخرج
نقل اثاث من الرياض إلى تركيا
carpet cleaning services

احمد صلاح said...

شركه نقل البضائع في الكويت هي واحده من أفضل الشركات الرائدة في نقل الأثاث لأنه لا بعض الطرق المميزة التي لا تفعل بعض شركات الأثاث
النقل السليم والمثالي للأثاث يجعلها بعيده عن اي ضرر أو ضرر ، لذلك يمكنك نقل أثاث منزلك دون القلق أو الإجهاد علي الأثاث من لحظه مخارج الأثاث من المنزل القديم إلى المنزل الجديد أو إلى المكان الذي يكون transp orted ، فانه لا يضر أو اي خدش
ستقوم الشركة بتحميل ورفع الأثاث بالطرق الحديثة مثل الرافعات الكهربائية والرافعات الهيدروليكية والحبال ، اعتمادا علي الاحجام المختلفة ، وفي النهاية سيتم رفع الأثاث بطرق أمنه ومامونه
نقل عفش
نقل عفش الكويت
نقل عفش الجهراء
نقل اثاث
شركة نقل عفش
نقل عفش الاحمدي
نقل عفش مبارك الكبير

maktabtk said...

يتواجد لدي موقع مكتبتك الكثير من الانواع المختلفة للتقنيات العالية في الجودة منها دراسات اجنبية مترجمة في مختلف التخصصات العلمية

maktabtk said...

يتواجد لدي موقع مكتبتك الكثير من الانواع المختلفة للتقنيات العالية في الجودة منها الترجمة البحثية التي تتم في مختلف مراحل البحث

maktabtk said...

يركز موقع مكتبتك على أهمية توفير ادوات الدراسة الملائمة التي تناسب طبيعة البحث العلمي لكي يتم اختيار الاداة الملائمة لطبيعة البحث بجانب توفير العديد من مراجع البحث التي يحتاجها الباحث خلال اعداد رسائل الماجستير والدكتوراه وغيرها

el dosoky said...

شركة شمس الرياض للخدمات المنزليه بالرياض
شركة تنظيف بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف بالرياض
شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض
شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف منازل بالرياض
شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض
شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
افضل شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف فلل بالرياض

anosh said...

Eliminate Plastic Water Bottles
شركة كشف تسربات المياه ببريدة
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بعنيزة
Plumbing infrastructure may be one of the particular trickiest home repairs in order to have to cope with. Appliances as well as Fixtures - They may go to each normal water fixture to check regarding leaks caused by put on out washers. Once serious respiratory failure is present, treatment in an intensive care unit with specialized personnel and equipment isdesirable. This particular series examines the conceptual, financial, and physical advantages and shortcomings of the particular Lysol No-Touch Hand Cleaning soap System and Healthy Contact refills and highlights exactly how one consumer is conserving money on the system and soap refills.
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرس
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بتبوك
One associated with the main aspects associated with these toggle switches will be that they managed with the high power transmitter that allows the system to capture however, tiniest of indicators. This will help you to check water leaks in your supply pipes in minutes and save loss off water. In fact, Kleinpeter mentioned, the first sign regarding a problem is actually a sudden hike in your normal water bill or a decline inside the water level regarding your swimming pool.
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدوامي
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالقصيمشركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
Environmental active supporters and workers are still trying to be able to convince Dow Chemical Business to clean up up this poisonous wasteland. A water leak diagnosis company provides you providers whether your water outflow problem is large or perhaps small, easy or intricate, a professional water company has the experience to be able to fix your condition.
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالخرج
In typically the early 1990s, Section 608 in the U. S Clean up Air Acted certification is usually required for HVAC specialists to fix or preserve systems or to acquire greater than 20 pounds regarding refrigerants to recharge typically the systems. That becomes very hard to be able to manage leak issues taking place due to the errors in your pipelines. And the plant life you have and/or preparation to plant may end up being unsuited towards the type of landscape and weather in your region, requiring use of method much more water compared to you expected or experienced budgeted for.

فني ستلايت said...

خدمات فني ستلايت بجميع محافظات وضواحيها محترف فني ستلايت اكثر من 15 عام خبرة في مجال الستلايت, من تركيب ستلايت وبرمجة رسيفر والصيانة وكل الخدمات التي تطلبونها نقوم بتوفيرها لكم فني ستلايت على مدار 24 ساعة بجميع مناطق وعلي مدار أيام الأسبوع 24 ساعه, نصل لبابكم بأسرع وقت ونقدم أفضل الخدمات بدقة وخبرة ومهارة عالية مع الكفالة, وبزمن بسيط.

ماليكاا said...








شركة نقل اثاث بالرياض 0500091013 ارخص شركة نقل عفش – إدارة سعودية
اذا. كنت تريد ان تنتقل من بيتك لبيت اخر وتريد نقل اثاثك بكل امان وراحه دون حدوث اي خسائر فإنك تحتاج الينا تحتاج الى افضل شركة نقل للاثاث معنا ستجد.كل ماتتمنى دون عناء ماعليك سوا الاتصال بنا وسنقوم بكافه الاجراءات اللازمه لنقل الاثاث
ننقل اثاث أي منزل بطريقة احترافية و سلمية وتضمن سلامة كل قطعة من قطع الاثاث دون حدوث اي ضرر او اصابة بها يجب ان تتم الخطوات بأدوات متميزة وعمالة ماهرة ومدربة ومن أدوات نقل الاثاث بالرياض الاتي :-
نجاريين متخصصين في فك الاثاث
عمالة مدربة علي تغليف الاثاث
سيارات مجهزة لنقل العفش الي أي منطة أو مدينة علي ايدي سائقيين مهرة ومحترفيين
ونش لرفع القطع الثقيله في الأطباق المرتفعة
شركات نقل العفش بالرياض


ثم نقوم بتغليفه ذلك باستخدام أفضل أنواع مواد التغليف ثم نقوم بوضعه في كراتين و صناديق متينة مرقمة و ذلك حتي لا ننسي أي قطعة من قطع الأثاث ، بعد ذلك يبدأ العمال بتنزيل العفش و تحميله داخل السيارات و غالبآ يتم تنزيل العفش عن طريق الأوناش الهيدروكليكيه لسلامته
تخزين اثاث بالرياض

فنحن نحرص تماما علي سلامة كل قطعة من العفش سواء صغيرة أو كبيرة
فالشركة تعد من الشركات الرائده في مجال تخزين و نقل العفش ومن الصعب إيجاد اي شركة أخرى مثلها تقدم نفس
الخدمة وبنفس التكلفه فلشركتنا مميزات عده منها رخص التكلفه العماله الكفؤ المدربه على كافه مراحل النقل
متطلعه الشركة دائما للجديد ماستيراد احدث المعدات والآلات الحديثه من الوناش والرافعات
فهدف الشركة دائما إرضاء عملائها والوصول لكل طبقات الشعب
لدين المساحات والمستودعات واماكن لتخزين اي اثاث لاطول فترة دون ان تشعر باي قلق

نقل اثاث بالرياض
[URL=https://elawaeil.com/%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%83%D8%A9-%D9%86%D9%82%D9%84-%D8%A3%D8%AB%D8%A7%D8%AB-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%B1%D9%8A%D8%A7%D8%B6-%D8%B9%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A9-%D9%81%D9%84%D8%A8%D9%8A%D9%86%D9%8A%D8%A9/]نقل اثاث بالرياض[/URL]















Top Glory Travel said...

السينما ليك
بانغ بانغ 2014
مسلسل sex education
افلام اكشن جديدة
افلام اجنبي للكبار شوف اون لاين
افلام هندي اكشن

rahma3 said...

Heater Installation Chicago, IL

In the event that you haven't taken the steps to safeguard your cooling system — both central and window air conditioners — you could be in the hot seat. Studies have suggested that air conditioners play a vital role in expelling the pollen from the room thus reducing the risk of an assault. This rapid air exchange—large fans can purge a house of hot air in two to three minutes—not only removes built-up heat yet also creates a pleasurable breeze. Inspect, clean, or modification air filters once per month in your central air conditioner, furnace, and/or heat pump.ارخص شركة تنظيف بالرياض


Not only does a well maintained air flow conditioning system provide a work environment that allows increased productivity by employees but your customers will also be happy to become there as they enjoy relief from the searing temperature ranges outside. Before air conditioning became prevalent, Atlanta was known for heatstroke and additional illnesses because of the extreme temps found in Georgia.
خدمات غسيل البيوت فى الرياض

Fraser & Mountain Pty Ltd has the capability, the skills, as well as the knowledge to supply and set up air conditioning and mechanised services. Some companies promise concern service and reduced prices for service calls to customers who have maintenance contracts. In addition, it is important to work on your air conditioner now to avoid its breaking down during the summer months when it is compelled to do more work.ارخص شركة تنظيف بالرياض
خدمات غسيل البيوت فى الرياض
شركة تنظيف مكيفات بالرياض
ارخص شركة تنظيف بالرياض
خدمات غسيل البيوت فى الرياض



Our service plans, ChillerGuard and SafeCool, cover the service and maintenance of chiller and precision air conditioning units respectively. The majority of those would not possess been at ALL obvious to me, so should I ever find myself living in a house with central air conditioning, you'll have saved me a lot of trouble! Shifting your air conditioning device could be a daunting task, yet if the unit is definitely not properly leveled, this may fail to function properly and could trigger refrigerant leaks.شركة تنظيف مكيفات بالرياض

arabaso said...


في حال كنت تبحث عن معلومات تتعلق بصيانة بطارية السيارة أو أي معلومات أخرى مثل الصيانة الشتوية للسيارة أو ضبط السيارة أو ورش إصلاح السيارات المحلية أو الصيانة السنوية للسيارة ، فقد وصلت إلى الكتابة الصحيحة. ستزودك هذه القطعة ليس فقط بمعلومات صيانة بطارية السيارة العامة وأيضًا معلومات محددة ومفيدة. نقدر ذلك.

يعامل الرجال سياراتهم على أنها ثمينة مثل رفقائهم من الفتيات. إنهم يقومون بقدر كبير من الترقيات والإكسسوارات فقط لجعله يبدو ممتازًا. يفعلون كل شيء لتحسين جمال سياراتهم. في الغالب يقومون بترقية المحرك إلى نوع سباق السيارات. أضف الملحقات مثل المصد ، والتنانير ، والنوافذ ذات الخيام ، والمحركات التوربينية ، والأكواب ، والعجلات ، وغير ذلك الكثير. إنهم ينفقون الأموال على جمال جسمها ولكنك ستحتاج أيضًا إلى التفكير في صيانة محركها.

تغيير الفرامل الخاصة بك. العديد من الوكلاء ومحلات تصليح السيارات تتقاضى رسومًا على أساس كل محور وتحتوي على الفوط والعمالة. تباع وسادات الفرامل الأمامية والخلفية في أزواج (لكل محور) التكلفة الإجمالية التي دفعتها مقابل تيل الفرامل كانت 50 دولارًا. كان السعر الذي نقلته من ورشة الإصلاح 400 دولار. إجمالي الكمية التي وفرتها من خلال إجراء هذا بنفسي كان 350 دولارًا.

INTERVAL - هل لاحظت حتى الآن أن هذا المنشور مرتبط بالفعل بصيانة بطارية السيارة؟ إذا لم يكن كذلك ، فاستمر في القراءة. سوف تكتشف الكثير من المعلومات التي يمكن أن تساعدك فيما يتعلق بصيانة بطارية السيارة أو غيرها من الصيانة الشتوية للسيارات ذات الصلة ، أو ضبط السيارة ، أو ورش إصلاح السيارات المحلية ، أو الصيانة السنوية للسيارة.

توجه إلى متجر السيارات القريب وأخبرهم عن طراز سيارتك وطرازها. سيكون لديهم القدرة على مساعدتك في اختيار المصباح البديل الصحيح. عندما تعود إلى المنزل ، افتح غطاء محرك سيارتك واكتشف الجزء الخلفي من المصباح الأمامي. سيكون هناك ثلاثة أسلاك تخرج من القابس مع نوع من القفل يبقيها متصلة. قم بفكها واسحب القابس من مقبسه.

يجب الانتباه إلى إنشاء نوع من خطة الميزانية لذلك. هذه إحدى الطرق للخروج من الأزمة المالية ، ولن تحتاج إلى استثمار الكثير لمجرد طلب فحص سيارتك. هناك العديد من التقنيات التي يمكنك القيام بها وبأسعار معقولة ، إذا كنت في الواقع شخصًا ميكانيكيًا ، فستجد أيضًا بعض تقنيات موارد DIY. أو ابذل جهدًا لاكتشاف ورشة إصلاح سيارات منخفضة التكلفة وموثوقة.

لمعلوماتك ، اكتشفنا أن الكثير من الأشخاص الذين كانوا يبحثون عن صيانة بطارية السيارة بحثوا أيضًا عبر الإنترنت عن صيانة السيارات في فصل الشتاء ، وضبط السيارة ، ومحلات تصليح السيارات المحلية ، فضلاً عن الصيانة السنوية للسيارات.

استمع إلى سيارتك. انتبه لأي ضوضاء جديدة وغير طبيعية. الخشخيشات والاهتزازات هي علامات لأعطال ميكانيكية أو أجزاء مهترئة. انتبه للروائح غير العادية. قد تكون رائحة كبريتيد الهيدروجين ناتجة عن ضرر داخلي لألواح البطارية. قد تكون رائحة الغاز في السيارة بمثابة تسرب للوقود.

للتلخيص ، من خلال فهم أفضل للعناصر المهمة التي يجب البحث عنها أثناء الصيانة الروتينية للسيارة ، والإجراءات التي يجب اتباعها طوال فترة الصيانة ، يمكنك الآن الحفاظ على سيارتك في أعلى مستويات الكفاءة في جميع الأوقات ، وتحقيق أقصى قدر من التمتع بالسيارات ركوب لنفسك ولعائلتك.

الأفكار الأخيرة - اتفق الكثير من الأشخاص الذين قرأوا هذا المقال على أنه لم يساعد فقط في سعيهم للحصول على معلومات صيانة بطارية السيارة ولكن أيضًا في صيانة السيارات في فصل الشتاء أو تعديل السيارة أو ورش إصلاح السيارات المحلية أو المعلومات المتعلقة بصيانة السيارات السنوية.


صيانة اودي الرياض

صيانة سيارات بورش الرياض


قطع اودي الرياض

ورشة اصلاح سيارات

gostopsite com said...

𝔗𝔥𝔞𝔫𝔨 𝔶𝔬𝔲. ℑ 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔷𝔢𝔡 𝔞 𝔩𝔬𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰

sportstotomen com said...

𝔊𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔱 𝔟𝔩𝔬𝔤 𝔰𝔦𝔱𝔢. 𝔎𝔢𝔢𝔭 𝔲𝔭 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔤𝔬𝔬𝔡 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔨!

19guide03 com said...

I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it.

casinosite zone said...

Thanks for sharing this piece of information.

sportstotozone com said...

I really enjoyed it. keep up the good work.

casinositeone.JDS said...


This is really helpful post, very informative there is no doubt about it.

casinosite777top.JDS said...

I found this one pretty fascinating.

casinositeguidecom.JDS said...

Thank you so much for sharing these amazing tips.

safetotositepro.JDS said...

I must say you are an incredible writer, I love the way that you describe the things. Please keep sharing.

메이저토토사이트 said...

There is something unique about them. It seems to me all of them are brilliant.

안전놀이터 said...

It's very good so i am impressed and ilike to come again in future..

카지노 said...

Useful information. Lucky me I found your web site by chance.

토토 said...

I’m shocked why this coincidence did not took place earlier! I bookmarked it.

파워볼사이트 said...

Well-written article. I was checking continuously to this website and Im really inspired!

먹튀검증 said...

Very educational information, especially the fifth sentences.

Tilly said...


Very nice article, I enjoyed reading your post, very nice share

Asha said...




Very useful

casinositekingcom said...


i really enjoyed this article. Continue the way you write

casinositezone said...


Very useful information shared in this article, nicely written`

carl said...


Informative article, exactly what I wanted to find

Hodge said...

I read this post your post so nice and very informative post thanks for sharing.

Quinn said...



Thankyou so much for publishing such amazing content.

safetotosite said...

Thank you for time properly spent looking over this article.

casinositekim said...

Continue sharing such an excellent post. Glad that I found this, Thankyou.

mttotosite said...

Great Blog. Your article is amazing and inspiring. Keep writing and inspiring.

casinositeguide said...

This is great, you are good, i like your post and i still waiting our next post.

안전 토토사이트 said...

such a very good blog you have I hope u post more! keep posting.

토토사이트 순위 said...

I’ve been searching for hours on this topic and finally found your post.

카지노사이트 추천 said...

I appreciate that I found much useful information in this article.

파워볼사이트 추천 said...

Your explanation is organized very easy to understand!!

바카라사이트 순위 said...

Hi I am so delighted I found your web site, I really found you by mistake.

شركة مكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة said...

شركة مكافحة حشرات بالمدينة المنورة