I never like to blog about real personal shit, but since none of these people read my blog I have to share it.
It's like this, I have this partner who is having some serious "spider web sex" (his words, I guess it means she has him hooked) with this jump off. So Friday evening he leaves a message on my cell phone and tells me not to answer my calls for the rest of the evening. He doesn't want me to answer because he told his wife that he is hanging out with me, and he doesn't want me talking to her by accident. The nerve of this mother fucker, I can't answer my cell phone because he wants to spend the evening playing Michael Douglas with his jump off.
But I am still torn with this shit. Who wants to contribute to the downfall of yet another black family? On the other hand, my man and I go back a little, and lord knows I don't want to make the shit any harder for him at home.
Hey, I have been there, but as Bernie Mac says, that was a "long long long time ago". And I am sure there are many of us (men and women) who used to, or are still doing that same juggling act now. But I am too old for that shit, and so is he.
My man is supposed to be me calling today with a story, but I swear I don't even want to hear it.
I just hope I won't see his wife any time soon. I am just not as good at lying as I used to be.
****************^^^^^^^^^^^^^******************^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*************
Now on to a separate issue I want to share with you all.
It seems that I attract more than a normal amount of white supremacist and racist to my site. (I think it has something to do with my handle, and the fact that when they google words like Negro, and nigger, my site pops up) These cretins always end up e-mailing me or trying to engage me via comments on this site. They like to make threats and tell me what the will and will not do to me when they come to my hometown or if they ever meet me wherever.
Here is the deal my racist friends; if you do come to my hometown, and I find out who you are, I will have your ignorant asses arrested. Because you are not worth losing my career or my freedom over. And I think I will be doing the public a favor by getting your type off the street. Ten years ago if you stepped to me with the bullshit, your bodies could have been found burning in the trunk of a car in South West Philly somewhere. But this is the kinder gentler field; so rather than coming down to your level, or entertain your ignorance, I will just let the authorities do their job.
But please keep coming to the fields (I will never ban you, that's not my style). I think we all need to know that you are out there, and what you are capable of.
Oh, and if you happen to see me at any event or function (in or out of Philadelphia), please feel free to approach me. You can tell me everything you have been saying via e-mail and comments to my face.
...I will just let the authorities do their job.
ReplyDeleteStop Snitchin' Field, what's wrong with you ;)
Jumpoff is such a misogynistic term it makes me want to puke. This woman that he is fucking, that he is willing to risk his family for is also a human being. I’m quite sure he is running some line on her about getting a divorce or that he is not married. Let me ever find out a cheating fucker’s name, I will dam sure answer my phone and tell his wife. Because she does not deserve his sorry ass. When he gets a baby, hee, hee, it will be all fun and games when he laughing it up with the female bailiff and trying to keep his business away from home.
ReplyDeletehttp://egarooo.blogspot.com/2007/10/jumpoff-or-jump-off-is-new-whoreho.html
I really need to take a moratorium, ----starting now and for good! This site is far too hostile toward women. After all, we are all just dime pieces and jumpoffs and our words are ignored and dismissed.
"My man is supposed to be me calling today with a story, but I swear I don't even want to hear it."
ReplyDeleteFN, be careful of the phase, "my man" or you will provoke the dynamic duo deconstructionist...
Anyway, you have to do what I did, tell your man he can't be your man for long if he keeps putting you in a position of disrespecting his wife.
You may not be married to her, but you don't have to be the one to lie knowing that she's being betrayed.
Further, you need to tell him to just leave his wife; set her free so he can go back to dating again since it seems that that's all he wants to do; yeah, I know the other woman is supposed to be a once in a while thing, but even one transgression signals that someone is not happy being married; it's time to stop playing and end it. How old are his kids (if he has them)?
It appears I was too late.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how parts of your post, Field get ignored like the fact that you stated, "Who wants to contribute to the downfall of yet another black family?" It's obvious that you arec aware that your friend's actions are shady, I just think you shouldn't feel "torn" and that you should be upfront with him in calling him on his bullshit. Don't lie for him again. If he's your boy, he should respect that.
Field, I am also concerned for your safety regarding certain commentators on your blog. It seems that when you post something, they come here to bully you with their opinions; you know, debate with you. That is abuse and should not take abuse like that. You should not have your Fieldly mind changed by anyone.
Field,
ReplyDeleteI feel you brother. Sometimes you just gotta get shit like that off your chest!
I have a couple buddies like that also and I cant understand how grown ass men still spend their time playing stupid games an chasing tail when they could be doing something positive or productive with their time. Not to mention that like you said , this doesn't help the black family or community in the least. You might need to grab your boy and shake him so he can get his shit together.
And Kitty,
To address your comment about the term "jump-off", yes the term originated as a name that dudes were calling the women that were for boning only. But today, I can introduce you to plenty women that refer to the men they are just boning as "jumpoffs". Not to mention that it is used when referring to other events, not just sex. In fact the other uses of the word came before the attachment of the word to free easy sex. So while the term is not positive, I don't believe it is as misogynistic as you are making it out to be. I don't believe that anyone was trying to say that the girl is not a human being, but if you feel that the man is such a scum-bag for doing this to his family, there is no way you should be defending the women who is helping him. So be careful not to fly off the handle in a feminist tirade every time you hear such things, as when there is a valid argument against something sexist ( as there often is in our society) people will just tune you out. Boycotting the forum that we are using to share ideas with each other, helps no one but those who don't want us to be communicating in the first place.
Just my opinion.
Field,
ReplyDeleteAs a man, it hurts me to say this, but, after reaching the age of 30, some of seem to regress to our juvenile days. Now, I know you and your buddy go back a ways, but I don't think you're really that conflicted. If you were, I don't think you would have brought it up. I think you already know that you're going to use the other definition of the word and tell your friend where to "jumpoff." He may be playing with her body but he's also playing with your integrity as a person.
As for those racists coming to this blog, I have a few friends who are black cops; and I tell you straight up: They love to handle those guys. It ain't nice.
Stay in the field.
p.s. I hear they have lots of black cops in Philly and Los Angeles.
ReplyDelete'
ReplyDeleteWhose tagging your old lady, while you are out taggin' your jump-off?
Or,
She was checking in, as I was checking out.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jump+off
`
Ahhhh Damn! The "Scenario"...
ReplyDeleteI wanna go kick it with my jump-off and to keep my shorty from getting suspicious I'll use my homeboy as cover.
That story seems all too familiar.
Field, The holiday's are approaching, better check ya boy.
*****^^^^
As far a the W.S. element of our society...aren't they decedents of the side that lost the civil war?
"The South shall rise again!"
(Sniker, Snicker)
Obviously, you consider your friends wife as a friend otherwise, you would not have blogged about the dilemma. Your friend put you in an awkward position, if he is a real friend, he will understand when you tell him not to use you when he is stepping out on his wife.
ReplyDeleteWomen would prefer their man leave the relationship than to live a lie. It is wrong of your friend to receive her love and support if it is not enough for him. If he is the type that likes to chase skirts then he should not have committed himself to a marriage.
Women also have an intuition when their man is stepping, and if he has been doing it for awhile and think he is getting away with it, your friend could be in for a rude awakening. Mature women do not snap and over react, they handle their business and the creeper usually is the last one to know she checked out a long time ago.
Not that I think we whites should have to apologize for every inbred moron that shares the same skin color as we do, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry that your site is serving as a lightning rod for every slime out there.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you've sworn off violence though; they're not worth it. Plus, they'll never come to Philly anyway. Too many blacks there, and these guys are acutely aware of demographics since cowards never attack when they're at a disadvantage. You know, because they might lose.
Keep the commentary coming.
"I really need to take a moratorium, ----starting now and for good! This site is far too hostile toward women. After all, we are all just dime pieces and jumpoffs and our words are ignored and dismissed."
ReplyDeleteI agree with you, Kitty, you do need to relax - back away, and breathe deeply.
I don't agree that all women are treated as "dime pieces" - but if you feel disrespected . . . let's just say, you've moved in the right direction.
You know, quite frankly, your innuendo that the man in this scenario has lied to this "jumpoff" (don't know her name, sorry) is misandric to the very core.
How do you know that old girl doesn't know exactly who she's dealing with???
And, Field, I don't know, do you think you'll be able to maintain this "civilized disposition" IF (noticed it's capitalized) one of these "haters" did "say it in your face"???
"And, Field, I don't know, do you think you'll be able to maintain this "civilized disposition" IF (noticed it's capitalized) one of these "haters" did "say it in your face"???"
ReplyDeleteNo!
kitty, I will miss you.
blinders off, to be honest, she is not really that much of a friend. I know her because of my relationship with her husband. But she seems like a good person, and whenever I am around her it's all good. They have two younger kids, and from the outside looking in, what would seem to be a good marriage.
"It's funny how parts of your post, Field get ignored like the fact that you stated, "Who wants to contribute to the downfall of yet another black family"
Thanks brotherkomrade, you always seem to get it. But I swear....
blackinusa I WILL be getting with fam., and I WILL let him know that this shit ain't happening again.
Jimbo, thanks for another perspective from the majority population. The thing is, some of these "storm troopers" hate you as much as they do the rest of us, because they see you as a race traitor.
Yes mac, lots of black cops here in Philly so it's all good.
woozie, I refuse to talk to a stinking "skins" fan today after my "iggles" just spanked that ass :)
I'm jealous, how come I can't get hate mail?
ReplyDeleteYou really never know what is going on in someone else's relationship. A lot of women would rather say they are married than to be divorced or single - despite being cheated on, beaten on, etc.
ReplyDeleteSo, while your "man" may feel like he's "protecting" his wife by lying to her, she may know and not really care; or if she did know, not really care.
Field – check your boy. And I say this more because he is making you complicit in his cheating than because of the actual cheating itself (even though that ticks me off too). It just adds insult to injury: cheater, liar and now bad friend, yuck. (And when the wife finds out, she’ll know you helped him, so you could be putting another friendship in danger, if you’re on good terms with her that is).
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, these guys know they are putting their marriages in jeopardy. That’s why they do it! The thrill! The same reason some people jump out of planes or climb steep cliffs. He’ll figure out eventually that a little slap and tickle wasn’t worth his family. All you can do is warn him and tell him you’re not helping anymore.
Regarding the “jump off” terminology – it does refer to both men and women. Also, we don’t know that Field’s friend is necessarily stringing this person along. It could be just be a reciprocal sexual relationship. Your reaction presumes that the friend must be lying to her because any woman having sex must also be seeking an emotional relationship. Through this presumption, you make the woman the victim - maybe not wholly innocent, but at least somewhat sainted for seeking the emotional as well as the physical.
Kitty, this just reinforces the perception that a woman having consensual NSA (no strings attached) sex is somehow a bad person. You are basically saying that women are all emotional messes and any woman that can divorce feeling from physical pleasure is a whore. Just how much damage are you trying to do to our gender anyway, DANG!
Might I make a suggestion Kitty? Invest in a maintenance man. He should be a welcome distraction from all the misogyny on this board.
I drive a Truck , so I am in VA and this guy called me a Nigger over the CB radio. I saw who he was and turned around and parked next to him. I then took 5 one hundred dollar bills, and got on the CB and said I would give them to him if he would say it to my face,of course he did not take the offer. So i have now learned to just let the ignorant shit go. He or one of the other bigots would have called the police on me.
ReplyDeleteyou know its funny, kitty states her reason for needing to "take a moratorium" that this site is hostile to women, and look at all the hostility she got back. i have to say i can't blame her for leaving.
ReplyDeletei didn't find this post particularly misogynist, but after having read regularly for a while, i will say that this site does often lean towards the "i self-identify as a liberal man so you best not call me sexist or homophobic." and i'd say a good 90% of the comments on this site are basically just reaffirming that. i mean its great to have affirmation from your readers and all that, but i think its kind of nice to have readers who disagree too. if someone criticizes a post for misogyny or whatever else, instead of hating on that person, maybe think about what they said. i don't think kitty was trying to dismiss this whole post, she just took issue with the language used. so lesson learned: pay more attention to language, and more people will appreciate your content.
"So, while your "man" may feel like he's "protecting" his wife by lying to her, she may know and not really care; or if she did know, not really care."
ReplyDeleteInteresting point, and you are probably right. But still, dude doesn't need to bring me into his drama.
"so lesson learned: pay more attention to language, and more people will appreciate your content"
Thanks kaya, but unfortunately I have this bad habit of just speaking my mmind.
And I do think that the people who post here are pretty independent. Unlike other sites, people here don't seem to be in an echo chamber. Most people here disagree with each other on a regular basis. Sadly, some of us personalize the shit when it's not even about that.
"if someone criticizes a post for misogyny or whatever else, instead of hating on that person, maybe think about what they said. i don't think kitty was trying to dismiss this whole post, she just took issue with the language used."
ReplyDeleteKaya: I, for one, will head your advice and watch my language. But I also think that Kitty and the rest of us, including me, need to refrain from injecting ourselves into the situations Field presents to the point where we become so emotional that we get away from the point presented. We went from Field's two main points about the dilemma his friend placed him in and being threatened by some racists to nuances of a word that has different connotations in different regions of the US-- no matter what a dictionary says (In Atlanta it's used by guys at least similarly to the way we use the word haul off, as in "Don't make me jumpoff and bust a cap in your ass!").
I know Field can handle it. But when someone gets personal and tells you that he or she has been threatened, it should take priority over other concerns, and certainly over a word.
I don't know about anyone else. But i'm going to monitor both my emotions and my language.
I really need to take a moratorium, ----starting now and for good! This site is far too hostile toward women. After all, we are all just dime pieces and jumpoffs and our words are ignored and dismissed.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you feel that way, Kitty, but you don't speak for me here.
I think Field shares what's on his mind; you can respond or not. I don't find it misogynistic at all, and I'm sure the sistas on this board would call him out if it were so.
As for Field's friend using him as an alibi to the wife, I don't know - brothas tend to cover for one another, even when they're wrong. My take on this is a brotha can't be a dog unless a woman gives him something to HUMP.
Now, if he's lying to her to get his groove on, karma can be a bitch...but I wouldn't cover up for his ass, and if my cell phone rang and it was his wife, I'd just tell her he wasn't with me, and allow him to take that hit. I'd never cover for one of my girlfriends cheating on her husband, but I wouldn't rush to tell homeboy he's being cheated on, either.
Something about sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong, spoiling friendships, and the resentment from the people being told by the messenger (in other words, shooting the messenger)...
Just tell him friendship only goes so far. If a friend needs help, his car breaks down in the middle of the night, or he's tapped out & you buy him dinner, if he needs a shoulder to cry on, that's honest trouble & you're there for him. But he needs to be reminded never to lie to a friend, & never expect a friend to lie for him.
ReplyDeletefield...you need to school your buddy or step away from the scenario TOTALLY. isn't he too old to be spreading them seeds and disrespecting both women?
ReplyDeleteas for the racist, you can't get rid of them, they like damn irritating insects. just watch your back.
=:O)
shy giraffe
In Gods eyes-or whoever you might conceive to be- you are an accomplice.
ReplyDeleteSit your friend down and get some sense into him. He needs to make up his mind. That is what REAL friends do.
On another note. Can someone give me an answer to this. There is this lady at my job[3000+ people less than 10 blacks!!] she has to deal with almost all depts. Everyone is complaining about her work attitude etc. BTW she is black. she has kids. Should I tell her and how do I do it. she is single raising 2 kids on her own. I have been thinking about it all weekend.
August, pull the lady to the side and hip her to what's going on.
ReplyDeleteHopefully you will be able to help save her job.
If she get's mad at you, don't feel bad because you will have done the right thing.
Sometimes we just have to look out for each other.
You gave me some good advise, now I am trying to reciprocate.
"if someone criticizes a post for misogyny or whatever else, instead of hating on that person, maybe think about what they said."
ReplyDeleteThis is probably the second time over the weekend in the blogosphere where the assumption was made that a commentator "didn't think about what they said". Speaking for myself, I read the comment..thought about it for 10 minutes...read FN's post, then read it again...then...I...commented.
Since language is so important to others, the way I interpret some comments here is : "think the way I think, or you're a misogynists".
I agree that the overall tone of some commentators or some bloggers are dismissive if the comment posted is by a woman. I've seen that happen, and I admit that I am wrong for at least not calling that person out. But I don't think that that is the case in this situation.
This is the blogosphere; before it was taken over the postmods, bourgeois radicals, campus navel-gazers, and K-mart shoppers, a person could blog or post something and expect detractors, debaters, lurkers, flamers and whatever else to come to your shit and post a comment, and IF you really were about something and stood by your beliefs, you defended it. I differ with all kinds of stuff on a lot of other people's blogs. I have never had a problem with Kitty's comments, but don't expect me to shut down if she posts something I disagree with for fear of being labeled a sexist.
It's true that progressive men- liberals, Marxists, Anarchist, Black Nationalist, etc. have issues with sexism (I'm sure former comrades of mine have problems with some of the digital footsteps I've left behind), and just because we say that we are progressive we've got it in our minds that we are above criticism. We are not above criticism and we should be called out when any of us use hateful language, or double standards in regards to gender. However, this post by FN and the post regarding family court was balanced the way I saw it. And the way that Kitty saw his posts was not. Ok, not a problem. But I and others simply expressed that we did not see that same things, but for that, that kind of exchange is labeled as "hostility". One could see it as just a difference in perspective , but whatever...
"i mean its great to have affirmation from your readers and all that, but i think its kind of nice to have readers who disagree too."
I'm so glad you feel that way Kaya. BTW, have you visited Kitty's blog?
Kitty is known for hijacking comment sections and making it be all about what SHE thinks.
ReplyDelete"Kitty is known for hijacking comment sections and making it be all about what SHE thinks."
ReplyDeleteRight, then if your opinions differ from her or you have points that she can't answer to, then you're a sexist pig bullying her and trying to change her mind.
I'm pretty sure you were using the term jumpoff in the context of the conversation, and not condoning the acts of adultery at all, so I can't understand how that's hostile to women. That's first. Secondly, you know what you need to do next time that dude tells you something of that nature: hell no. He's already destroying his own family, so you're really not contributing to the destruction as that relationship is already kinda messed up in a way. Then again, I can't cast any stones in any direction, either.
ReplyDeleteAs for the white supremacists, good luck to them and g_d speed.
"For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool ..."
brotherkomrade wrote: "Right, then if your opinions differ from her or you have points that she can't answer to, then you're a sexist pig bullying her and trying to change her mind."
ReplyDeleteSo you've got her number as well, my brotha!
Honestly, I thought a "jumpoff" could go either way. Don't they have men AND women "jumpoffs"?
ReplyDeleteOh, and I just learned that "spider web sex" is sex that has you caught up.
Oh well, I am still learning. My life is a work in progress.
On your friend - *he* is weaving a web - of secrets. He has one triangle with the girlfriend and the wife, and is trying to create another wing of this web, triangulate the secret in another way, between himself, his wife, and you. It's invasive, and it traps you into being at least a passive participant in a pretty messy scene unless you say no now!
ReplyDelete1st a man or a woman can be a jump off/booty call. I have female friends with jump offs, so...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the next time you boy calls for cover, why not tell him to take his wife (your other friend) to see "Why Did I get Married".
Hopefully he is not catching feelings for his jump off because that is going to lead to heart break, divorce, disease (if he or she is nasty) & unwated children.
Tell him to leave that 20% alone (
That pussy cannot be that good). Field this is a good opportunity to help preserve a family.
Bygbaby
*taking notes....had never heard of jumpoff and spider-web sex*...is the family really worth preserving?...i only ask because i'm curious as to why ole boy is cheating in the first place...is the reason something that can be solved, thus salvaging the marriage?...dunno...don't have experience with that shit...
ReplyDelete...don't you love cowards who sit behind a computer screen and type all sorts of bullshit!?...they are some of my FAVORITE people in the world...bitch-made!!...especially when they call me the trite and overworked 'nigger'...my daddy used to tell me a long time ago that the best answer for a fool was silence...imagine when the true nigger (i don't define nigger as a black person...nigger is an ignorant person, regardless of race...guerreira's 9th edition dictionary...) runs up and yells nigger in your face and you just stand there and look at them blankly...*crickets*...they'll eventually slither back into the shithole from whence they emerged...i'll put a call into my 'magical' friends and let them know that their services may be needed in philly;)...
>Who wants to contribute to the downfall of yet another black family?
ReplyDeleteIf you are being asked to cover up for your friend, the family is already in trouble. This is the sad legacy of the bush regime, families are ruined all over the country due to his racist policies.
i have had some of my female friends ask me to cover for them and not answer when their man calls my cell. i hate being in the middle of bull like that.
ReplyDeleteand it is almost never worth it in the end. geesh.
...and not to be funny, but you SO just sounded like my dad with that whole spiel on the "kinder, gentler field". my dad used to be notorious for a lot of things, but now he is a kool-aid dad. well, not kool-aid, but close. lol. kinda hilarious. but he says stuff like this all the time.
First, Field, I am reading the archives (how have I missed your face in the 'sphere?) and having a mighty good time.
ReplyDeleteGenerally.
Second, I am a woman, who agrees with Kitty in principle, and even if she sounds ticked off -- which I guess "y'all's women" are never supposed to be *gasp* -- I can certainly understand why.
Look at it this way, Field. (And not just you, but all y'all otha brothas with the "bros before hos" mentality.)
If he's stepping out on his wife, and you're covering for him, you ARE contributing to the breakdown of the Black family.
Real talk.
Think of it as "accessory after the fact".
*peace and respect*