I was kicking it with an old colleague today and we were exchanging war stories about life on the domestic relations front. He was amazed that I have been able to hang in there for so long, and do the job that I do. All that anger, all that hostility, and all that emotional baggage people bring to the table day in and day out. So fam wanted to know when the book was coming out.
Later on in the day I found myself thinking; what if there was a book, what would I write about?
Would I write about the 28 year old grandmother who appeared and demanded that the court act more responsibly in finding the defendant in her case? Would I write about the half brother and half sister who appeared as parents in a case, and didn't know that they were related until their son was born? A son, by the way, who is on SSI for obvious reasons . Apparently, their father had laid his seed all over the city, and they had never found out about each other until it was too late. I could also dedicate a page or two to the gentleman who fathered six children by six different women, (Five of them receiving cash assistance from the state) and still found time to hit on some of the female workers in our court. Yeah my man was funny.
Then I could dedicate an entire chapter to all the defendants out here who are paying support for children that more than likely aren't theirs. How do I know? Let's just say that when a plaintiff comes in on three different cases and all three of the defendants are excluded as the father after they opt for a DNA test, but a fourth defendant doesn't take the test and starts paying support. It's a pretty good chance that contestant number four might not be the father either. Then I could write about the ones who actually take the test, are excluded, but they are ordered to pay support anyway because they had held themselves out as the father to begin with. (Hey, "the law can be an ass" what can I tell you?)
I would dedicate another chapter to female defendants (Kitty feel free to comment after this post) and how hard it is to get them to pay child support. "I carried that child for nine months, I will be damned if I am going to pay support to a no good father who wasn't in his life for the first few years." In that same chapter, I would talk about the differences between sisters and white women. A sister will always be willing to come down on the child support order if the brother will just agree to spend more time with the child. Not a white woman, she will come to court with two lawyers if she has to get every penny that she thinks is owed to her. Now to be fair, this might be an economic phenomenon. Because I have seen wealthier sisters do the same thing. It seems that the poorer the litigants the more they are willing to come to a compromise and have outside agreements with each other. Which is somewhat ironic, because you would think the folks that needed the money the most would be willing to fight harder for every penny that's owed to them.
Finally, I think I would close the book by writing about all the wonderful grandparents (particularly grandmothers) who are holding it down out here, and who are increasingly becoming custodial parents of their own grand children. Most of these children were abandoned because their parents were either on drugs, in jail, or were just incapable of holding it down. Grandparents, by the way, make very good plaintiffs. They always cooperate with the court, and you can tell they always have the child's best interest at heart. Hey considering what the body of the book will be like, it will be important to end it on a positive note.
Now if I can just find a publisher and a way to promote this bad boy. Hey is Oprah still in South Africa?
Field,
ReplyDeleteAlthough we kind of know that the things you said i this post are true, to hear them phrased in that way, by someone who by profession has season tickets to this madness, it is quite disturbing. I wonder if people have ever really thought about the fact that that paternity test episode of Maury Povich that keeps coming on day after day, is actually coming on day after day in the real life in the courts - also in front of a live studio audience. I know it can't be easy to watch the actual elements at work the have rotted the core of the black community.
I think maybe it is time you write that book.
P.S. Good work shouting the grandmothers, who are not only the forgotten victims in this whole thing, but the last generation of people who care enough about family to take on the responsibilty of mothering two generations of kids.
Field,
ReplyDeleteIf you write it, I'll edit it. You and I know the book will be a best seller. As always, you keep the discourse real.
/agb
Write the book and go to Print on Demand dot com.
ReplyDeleteIsn't interesting, about the grandparents though and I bet you've noticed FN, that they are usually come to court prepared with documents, huh. Here they are at a time in their lives where they are supposed to just chill with the little ones - not have to raise kids all over again!
With all that tax money we pay to have radioactive bullets, that money should go to the grandparents as a working wage the way medical aid workers get paid to watch the elderly and sick.
Your celebration of grandmothers sounds right but is all wrong. The celebration of the sacrifices of black grandmothes on entrenches the sense--from which you appear to suffer too, FN--that black women are extraordinary humans--near beasts of burden. With the romantic version of the sacrificing grandmother so celebrated, black mothers/women are regularly condemned if they are not willing to make the complete sacrifice for their kids--and absolutely forgoing any semblance of a life for themselves if they have a child and are receiving child support.
ReplyDeleteHey, FN, black mothers are human. They need breaks. They need help.
The screwy posted thinking, I believe, is what has celebrities nad common people subject the black mother's spending to enormous scrutiny. Every cent the black mtoher spends while she is getting support is scrutinized. How crazy. "Ooooh, mama's getting a wax. She doesn't need support/the support defendant is getting hosed." No!
A mother should get every penny of child support to which she is entitled. And you should want them to get every penny as well.
First, without a child support order--notwithstanding the oft-repreated claim, "I take care of my kids"--many more men would be the father with of six kids by six woman and still flirting with other women.
The child support system was created for a reason. Unless men married their baby's mother, most men still refuse to pay their appropriate share. And even when men pay, it would be in an amount and at a timing in their convenience--with limited regard to their child and always with an eye towards keeping their baby's mother from having a dime more than she will need to buy the most basic necessities.
It appears you side with these negroes, FN, you--like they--apparently believe mothers should strive to provide for their child---while a man should be extended accommodations and breaks by these primary caretaking mothers.
Like too many men, you probably believe that a woman should source her reserve tank--sacrifice her entrie life--before requiring a any--never a similar--sacrifice by the baby's daddy.
Moreover, as you play your violin strings for the poor man who takes care of another man's child--play a ditty for the hordes of women who have to do the same through the backdoor. They marry men who either learn during or disclose after marriage that they have fathered other children and are subject to a support order. These women often have to over-contribute in the household to pay for this outside child--not hers.
This, of course, does not even touch on the fianancial sacrifices of wives who remain married to men who bear children during a marriage.
RavenRavings, we are going to have to pass the hat around if you keep preaching like that. Tell it!
ReplyDeleteFYI, the women who are forced to pay child support have valid complaints when faced against a bias systematically misogynist system (say that three times). Not the complaint you cited either, --carrying the child for nine months thing---what does that have to do with the cost of tea in China? That is flippant and implies that women think that she only has to carry the child for nine months and nothing else. We know that to be collectively false. If child rearing had been left up to men under the rules of patriarchy as they stand, we would be absent several generations. I know a few women who have to pay child support and in every case, she is hounded and held to stricter standards than men who owe money. Just ask my ex-husband, still paying and our child is about to be 26. No rush there. Plus the woman who owes is never allowed to subtract all the nickel and dime stuff that men love to show up in court and successfully subtract, or get kudos for doing, i.e “I bought shorty a birthday present, now you want me to pay too?” And, I am willing to say if she no longer has custody and is paying child support because the man has custody more than likely her child was taken away from her by a system that favors a man for farting with the correct amount of odor mixed in with a specific degree of decibel. “Your honor she had a beer, and some wine one day last month, and one day she left her baby with her mama while she got her nails done.” Oh snap, take that baby from that trifling heifer right now. Let’s not put a spotlight on how Mr. Man smokes, drinks, shoves the child in front of the tellie while he is on the phone trying to get the next piece of ass. No by God, he is a good father because he actually acknowledges that he is a father and showed up in court with ironed clothes and saying yes sir and no sir in the appropriate inserts. Wow. Meanwhile this shit happens to mothers. http://ladoctorita.wordpress.com/2007/11/04/%e2%80%9ca-mother%e2%80%99s-battle-to-be-believed%e2%80%9d/
And she was married to her child’s father and was trying to play the mother role and still got janked by the system. Oh, I’m too pissed off to finish now. I get mad every time I read that story. I will be back to throw in my opinion about those grandmothers.
Kitty & Ravenravings
ReplyDeleteYou better speak! Say it!
Are we reading the same post by FN?
ReplyDeleteI've read it again and it seems to me that he was pointing out just as much fault to the men as some of the women.
Wow this Kitty person is a Brit. She seems to have the AA vernacular and pathologies down pat or are Afro-Brits males just as evil and trifflin' as us?
ReplyDelete-DomDaddy
"FYI, the women who are forced to pay child support have valid complaints when faced against a bias systematically misogynist system.."
ReplyDeleteYou are kidding right? What planet do you live on? Have you ever stepped foot in a DR court? Trust me on this one, the deck is NOT stacked against the woman. At least not in Philadelphia, Pistolvania. I will leave it at that.
"Hey, FN, black mothers are human. They need breaks. They need help."
And your point is what exactly? Where in my post does it suggest that I think otherwise? I swear, it never ceases to amaze me how people see what they want to in a post. I could say "Killing someone is wrong" and people would write and say; "Ahhh field, you are just trying to make excuses for the victims" WTF?
And please don't even get me started with grandmothers. If you even try to minimize the impact of their sacrifice and all the work they have done to hold down the black family our debate is over.
But it's cool, I will keep playing the role of the chauvinistic black male. Although if I really wanted to get painted with that brush, I would have posted about one of the many women who come to court with four,five,six, seven, and eight (yes eight) different children with eight different men.
But I didn't!
Field-Negroe, how soon will we be reading you at?:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.townhall.com/
LaShawn would not have said this any differently.
LaShawn cut off my water some time ago; I wonder how long I will last in the fields?
`
Dammit, Field, I will turn into McGarrett and find you a publisher for this book. Do you know Roland Martin of CNN fame?
ReplyDeleteI personally know him and his wife, and I think they have a publishing company among their many ventures. Let a sista know how she can help you.
BTW - Good morning to you and those in the Field.
DID YOU SAY 28 YEAR OLD GRAND-MOTHER????!!!
ReplyDeleteThat's funny, b/c my friend and I were just talking about how women our age (27) could be grandmothers, but we thought we were just being silly. Silly us!!
BTW, I do like your blog (brought to me by WAOD). I was wondering why you called it "Field Negro," but visiting your site, now I know! :-)
Field,
ReplyDeleteI see nothing wrong with what you said in this blog, ravenravings is off base and grasping at straws. She sees things that are not there and as a woman I can appreciate your honesty delivering both sides of the spectrum. I mean I think raven needs to learn that not every black man is out to attack black women.
In the future she should read whats there and not pick and choose what gets her ire up and respond to that irrationally. Very good post, love them, keep them coming.
The best "stories" are always the ones based on real life. You should definitely write your book. (Just remember to balance out the misery and anguish with some humor and a little bemusement. That's how "The Wire" got so good.)
ReplyDeleteAs for the dysfunction you see in your job, All this social rot is the side effect of having a modern, individualistic society. Our ancestors living in tribal cultures (whether it was a village in West Africa or a mountain hamlet in rural Italy) would have had to pay far more serious consequences for personal irresponsibility than monetary child support or alimony.... they would literally cast you out. Put you in a canoe and float you down the river or leave you on top of a mountain. They didn't recognize an individual's "right" to sexual freedom or right to procreate with whomever they wanted... because the good of the tribe/village/clan always came first.
That's what the conservatives who talk about "personal responsibility" ignore. They talk about "family values" but would never talk about the idea of "tribal" or "collective" values. Most of us on the left, meanwhile, wouldn't want to give up our civil liberties and go back to a world where there was no notion of "personal" freedom.
Fuck the book, let's go strait to DVD, I need to see that played out.
ReplyDeleteOn the women paying child support issue: I am raising my 10 year old sister because our father died 5 years ago (he had full custody). Her mother (different moms)is a loser & was only interested in getting custody after my dads death so that she could get that hot SS check. Well after a lengthy court battle, I won then tried to sue for child support & the chick (really want to say bitch but...) went off the radar. When she found out I wanted her to pay she disappeared & we have not heard from her in 4 years nor has anyone seen her.
Just goes to show you that a mothers love is not always in her children.
Bygbaby
Our state religion is the dollar so it's no surprise that mothers, fathers and extended family will do some psychotic, amoral stuff to get $$ off of children.
ReplyDeleteYour post also makes me think I've known plenty of wealthier, white females who've had 3 or 4 abortions (or more) because they can't make a guy strap something on either. But they don't have to show up on Maury P's show or in court trying to figure out who's the baby daddy since they didn't have the baby.
My parents raised my niece because both my brother and her mother were addicts. Grandparents raising grandchildren is not a new phenomenon as far as history goes, but the reasons are different. Now, instead of parents getting taken out by wars, diseases and being sold down river, we take ourselves out with drugs... and celebrate that shit by saying how awesome American Gangster (both movie and CD) is.
You are kidding right? What planet do you live on? Have you ever stepped foot in a DR court? Trust me on this one, the deck is NOT stacked against the woman. At least not in Philadelphia, Pistolvania. I will leave it at that.
ReplyDeletePhiladelphia is not the emissary of the entire world, including AMERICA, specifically America! I live on the planet earth and being a 44 year old woman who has traveled around the world a few times (literally) I have in fact been inside court more than once. I have more than enough personal experience with practically every example you have cited to comment on those situations. My ex-husband, as in we were legally married, did in fact string me through all of the 1980’s and much of the 1990’s before I saw a dime. In fact I am quite sure because of what I went through may have in an indirect way created how child support cases are handled now. He was able to say he was not the father, thereby causing us to schedule first a polygraph (thank god that is now bypassed) before the Domestic Relations office would consider taking my case on sliding scale (in other words it cost me quite a bit of money) then to paternity tests, that he was able to weasel out three times, meaning, his attorney was able to reschedule and reschedule and reschedule until finally after four years went by the judge said if he did not show up for the next one the judge would rule in fact for the paternity. I would not say a judge who allowed all of that to go by was a friend of mine or on my side! It was not until the laws changed in the 90’s that he could no longer avoid the paternity test. Marriage did not protect me against his allegations did it? But I guess that is the fair arm of the law siding on a woman’s side. Yeah right. Always assume the bitch/ho is up to no good. Oh but who was caring for the child all along? His father (the child’s grandfather) was no help. Actually in my opinion he hinted that he would help if I gave up the drawers. Like father like son. When the father started paying and then pretending to care for the then 14-year-old child he used it as an opportunity to talk about “us getting back together.” In other words, why should he support a household with his child living in it if he is not fucking the mother. Yeah real nice. As I stated she is almost 26 and he is still paying. Where was the courts on my side when I had to foot the expense 100% by myself upfront. Then the courts had the nerve to give him little breaks here and there because of hardship on his side. Fuck the hardship we (me and the child) were actually living. The state we lived in did not pay out first and collect from father later. The mother got what the mother got from the father and no more unless she was on welfare, and then that was not anything to survive on. If he did not send he did not send. The money I earned should had pay our household expenses it should not have been force to go into pawn shops, floating checks, etc, all the things that would not be necessity if he would have simply paid his share.
But it's cool, I will keep playing the role of the chauvinistic black male. Although if I really wanted to get painted with that brush, I would have posted about one of the many women who come to court with four,five,six, seven, and eight (yes eight) different children with eight different men.
But I didn't!
Oh but you just did didn’t you? Who called you a chauvinistic black male? I must note how that is a shunning tactic. No one attacked you personally by calling you a chauvinistic black male. If you feel something it is the sting from the sexism in the prose being exposed. Making it personal is as I said a shunning tactic. Because we all know by experience, people will come to your defense as in the case of the rape imagery and say “oh that chick must have been raped, she must have issues, it cannot possibly be anything you are saying to make people think there is sexism in the words.”
Field and BrotherKomrade, especially, here's the basis of my observations.
ReplyDeleteIn FN's post, he esssentially writes five paragraphs. One is introductory. The second one FN ends by recalling "his man" with five kids and five baby's mothers who flirts with still other women. Field found this--no "his" man "funny." (Thewomen, in contrast, are never funny in their perceived dysfunctional behavior.)
In the third paragraph, FN outlines a chapter on shafted men--a curious, early inclusion in a book overviewing a system in which most of the clientele are women seeking--and not getting--child support from deadbeat dads. The men emphasized in FN's book are regularly mindlessly compliant support payers who suffer unfairly for their willing non-court order support.
FN dedicates the chapter outlined in the fourth paragraph to women who shaft men--another curious inclusions in a world of struggling single mothers without a prayer or plea for support. According to FN, women shaft men by insisting on every single penny of child support to which they are entitled and refusing to essentially "cut a brother a break." In contrast, in this same paragraph, FN criticizes support-ordered women who seek breaks. Oy vey!
You can't see a double standard here? How else to explain the emphasis in Field's child support system memoirs--mothers are humorless, regularly irresponsible and unfairly demanding. The men are unfairly saddled, long suffering "funny" selfless givers.
Only the really old, hyper-responsible, singly focus on child, saintly grandmothers (not the 28 year old overwrought grandmother) are worthy of praise. They are the standards for mothers--I guess. Otherwise, the mothers are received by FN as self-interested cold-hearted harlots.
To my way of thinking, and with respect to the FN for his thoughts and allowing this discussion, FN's posted thoughts are specious for sexism.
Also praising these grandmothers in the way they are praised here is sexist. It is sexist because it is a male system, a patriarchy, a male values system that does the patting on the head for the nice grandmothers who play the role that men expect women to play. Who are the parents of the children these saintly grandmothers are raising? So the grandmother (where is the grandfather) fucked up her children’s life (if not why if they are so worthless parents are they having children) and now has a second chance at getting that little bone that the patriarchy rewards women with. The first time around she was young, her bone (no pun intended) was being desirous, sexy, an object, but at that time she was too stupid to raise the child so the child grew up and had children. Now she is too old to be the object so she becomes the mother. Incidentally, both object and mother are concepts that the patriarchy appreciates,--- rewards. So at the expense of her own child through her grandchildren she gets her patriarchal reward. Good girl. Go fetch, go take care of those chilins’, but don’t ask where they daddy at. Why may I ask is a woman, let’s say 40 is electing to raise children instead of going out in the world and doing something that will elevate herself to the level of men. You know become a lawyer, doctor, competing businessman? Because men do not reward those women, they attack those women, they reward the women who are “good mothers” by proxy, good grandmothers. So for patriarchy’s sake grandma abandons her individually (because it does not give her rewards from the patriarchy, after all she is now 40 and so unfuckable) and elects to accept the crumbs that come with being called the saintly grandmother.
ReplyDeleteThen there is the compassion for the downtrodden misguided young men but not for the young women. We can all understand how the young man spent his whole entire pay (or robbed someone) on a pair of sneakers or some other form of bling because it makes him “look” or at least “feel” like somebody. No protest or no house negro status for those two Jena 6 fools who ran to the red carpet like they were Jay Z or something. No, poor child, just ignorant and don’t know no better. But the young woman who don’t know no better whose sneaker is a baby, because we all know damn well that for a brief moment when she is pregnant or right after she had the baby she is the center of attention. “Well Kitty you are fucking crazy how is a baby the same as a pair of sneakers.” Well they are the same to an adolescent mind, both are the means to being somebody, and neither think of the future consequences, it is just the feeling of what makes one feel alive, right now, today, especially when the signals are sent to her that that baby makes her a womanm makes her somebody in this wretched world, like that bling makes him a man. No, fuck all that, that ho should have kept her legs closed. But boys will be boys when he put his dick there because it is in his nature. He cannot help himself. We should overlook his part. And talk shit about that ho.
ReplyDeleteExcellent and patient (something I lack) analysis RavenRavings. If ever you want to borrow a blog to write an entry our blog at AROOO is at your disposal. I am looking for a few good authors.
ReplyDeleteI would have emailed this to you, but your name does not link to an email.
First time coming thru....definitely wont be my last...like the commentary!!
ReplyDeletewww.yazmar.com
I'm a black woman, single, 36 years old with no kids.
ReplyDeleteThat sista's account of what she went through rings true to me because ALL of my black female friends with children have gone through this so called child support bullshit system. It amazes how we left folks go years without paying child support. Meanwhile some of these men are buying homes, spending money on their latest jumpoffs, etc. Too many black men don't deal with their kids and have no desire to do so. If I had a dime for every phone conversation I've had with my sista friends recalling how they begged their baby's father to call their child on their birthday, or send a x-mas card, or call if they are not going to show up for visitation. I've had sista friends get FIRED from jobs because the father of their children refused to help them out and take the child for a day or two when the child gets sick. Your employer is only going to understand but so much. Don't give me some bullshit about child visitation arrangements as an excuses cause the sorry negroes don't even opt to see their kids. Look I'm a ride or die friend, so I know about the court system because my girlfriends give me blow-by-blow accounts. I've even gone with some of them when they're transportation wasn't right. You know what I noticed when I would go! So, many sistas dealing with brothas who REFUSED to pay support. Yes, refused. I lost count on how many brothas who walked into court with good lawyers and secure jobs who were doing EVERYTHING they could to get out of paying child support. It was unbelievable. Who suffers? The children. I'm completely sick and tired of blaming this disgrace on black women. "Oh, she needs to keep her legs closed.". Well SO THE PHUCK DO MEN!! It makes absolutely no fucking sense for a man to have 6 kids by 6 different women. That shit is rampant in our community but nobody talks about that because we are too busy telling black women to act like ladies meanwhile we ignore irresponsible behavior of our men.
I was ALSO disgusted to see married black men going to court over child support from their jump offs. Look stop blaming the jump off for a grown mans foolishness. He knew he was married before she did. He made a vow but his jump off didn't.
No, not all black men find themselves in this predicament BUT FAR TOO MANY DO!!!!
"To my way of thinking, and with respect to the FN for his thoughts and allowing this discussion, FN's posted thoughts are specious for sexism."
ReplyDeleteOK, but you conveniently left out the portion of the paragraph where I talked about the sorry ass dude with the siblings who actually hooked up with each other...
raven, you are entitled to make your own opinion, but you just can't make up the facts! Read the post again.
kitty, sorry for your frustrations, but with all due respect; what you are saying is nothing new. I hear that everyday. I have helped countless women (and men) with problems just like yours, so I will make no apologies for where I am comming from.
Philly might not be the entire world, but it's my world, and that's what I blog about.
Ah, my man, FN, lay your head on my virtual bosom. You don't need to play the victim. It might be that notwithstanding your perception that we are women criticizing you, you might be wrong here--and a mea culpa might be in order here.
ReplyDeleteNot to beat a dead horse but while your second paragraph is a mixed bag of gender focused criticism, it begings with an unforgiving account of a troubling situation over which the 28 year old grandmother truly might not have control but ends with a very forgiving account of your boy the seed giver.
Finally, you should never be reconcilled with your sexism. You're better than this.
kitty, sorry for your frustrations, but with all due respect; what you are saying is nothing new. I hear that everyday. I have helped countless women (and men) with problems just like yours, so I will make no apologies for where I am coming from.
ReplyDeletePhilly might not be the entire world, but it's my world, and that's what I blog about.
Philly may be your world and what you blog about however you took the liberty to accuse me of never stepping foot in court, which in turn implies that Philly is the emissary of all experiences. (Remember this: "What planet do you live on? Have you ever stepped foot in a DR court?") Is it Philly or nothing?
There are places all over America where women are abused in court. Also you are painting in a large brush, something ravenravings has patiently pointed out but obviously not being heard. You are acting as if the male/female cases are equivalent in all respects, that there is no disproportionate judging on one side over the other. That is not the case. There are hundreds of women not getting support from deadbeat men than there are men who have been wronged, yet you make the case as if it is equal.
And I would appreciate it if you would not label my experiences as frustrations as if they are trivial and of my own doing. I am currently in no frustrated position, however, just because I am in a better place than I have ever been will not cause me to forget those experiences, the stories that are similar to many women. Why invite me to comment if you are going to dismiss what I say. If the invite was not sincere and just a means to sarcasm then I must note that I don’t take kindly to being the brunt of sarcasm especially since I have never treated you in that manner.
Thanks for the shine field negro...
ReplyDeletewe got some good things in store.
peace,
gordon, chauncey, and zora
If you need a positive note to end on, don't forget to give love to all the brothas and sistas who adopt our children out of the system, these people talk the talk and walk the walk
ReplyDeleteMiss Thang lays down a classic: "If I had a dime for every phone conversation I've had with my sista friends recalling how they begged their baby's father to call their child on their birthday, or send a x-mas card, or call if they are not going to show up for visitation. I've had sista friends get FIRED from jobs because the father of their children refused to help them out and take the child for a day or two when the child gets sick. Your employer is only going to understand but so much. Don't give me some bullshit about child visitation arrangements as an excuses cause the sorry negroes don't even opt to see their kids."
ReplyDeleteMiss Thang would be SHOCKED to find that I actually have had problems trying to see my children because the mother was trying to "hurt" me. It's all a matter of the kind "strong" woman "of color" you choose... You see those sisters "begging" these loser fathers should have been attracted to me and we would be all hooked up nice instead I got the "hard" sisters who would die first before they beg me for anything...
Lord, is my inheritance spent? Is there a new kind of African woman in my life?
@bryan white.
ReplyDeleteI don't know your personal situation. But I refuse to give you a cupcake for doing what your supposed to do. If the mother of your child is giving you a hard time, FIGHT FOR FULL CUSTODY. Stop making excuses and got get your babies. If you're doing that, good but you don't get any cupcakes. Cause again, that's what a concerned father is suppose to do. So, welcome to responsible parenthood.
Besides, not all hard negroes abandon their children. You've got educated, excellent job havin', brooks brothers suit wearin' brothas who abandon thier children. Just because you see a black single mother doesn't mean the father of her child is some 'hard' ignorant, triflin' brotha she met at a club. You've got a lot of to-do brotha's not owning up to their responsibilities. It's the court system that enables this bullshit.
Field, Even if you don't publish it, write it anyway. The bits and pieces are equally as tantalizing. The window into men's souls.
ReplyDeleteIf you write a book, for the love of God, Allah, and/or the FSM, have someone proofread it. The people will not tolerate rampant Grammar Jewry!
ReplyDeleteHey, I love your site! Can you add me to your blogroll? I'll def do the same. My blog is
ReplyDeletewww.boughettonews.blogspot.com
OMG, OMG....
ReplyDeleteNow I understand WHY sexism in real institutions like the court and work places exist; part of the problem is in navel-gazing, witch-hunting deconstructions of everyday words, phrases, deeds on behalf of parlor 'radicals'. This is why women aren't getting paid as much as men, this is why women of the Global South find Depleted Uranium in their empty breakfast bowls and their bodies used as acts of war via rape - those who say they are against misogyny and patriarchy are too busy obsessing over the language we use and regulating human behavior so we can all become ideologue-bots.
I will concede that we did read the same post, but it comes down to what some of us WANT to read vs. how something can simply be interpreted. I read the post about recounting cases and instances of serious disintegration in the urban community/family but the recounting was done with a tone cynicism and gallows humor - a lot of us over here have the tendency in telling stories that way.
I did not interpret FN's use of "My man" as a chauvinists ass slap on the loser who fathered so many fucking kids and had the nerve to flirt with court officials.
I interpreted his use of "My Man" as sarcastic and cynical.
But whatever, the main reason why I never hang with campus ideologues and demagogues is because they can't handle real life and real people not being perfect and living by the Post-mod PC codes of conduct.
"..did not interpret FN's use of "My man" as a chauvinists ass slap on the loser who fathered so many fucking kids and had the nerve to flirt with court officials.
ReplyDeleteI interpreted his use of "My Man" as sarcastic and cynical."
Thank you brotherkomrade! ***that thing you see in the air is my hand*** It won't do any good, but you gave it the old college try. Whoops, maybe that was a bad choice of words :(
woozie, I was going to tell anon 12:04AM that I already have my own personal editor, but it slipped me.
So what do you think woozie? Could you help me write for the congregate? I know my style would have you academics and grammar enthusiast going nuts, so I am reaching out to you grammar snobs as well :)
You must have a calling to do this kind of work. I'm sure it's frustrating as hell. I'm amazed you have any energy left to post here. But I can't wait to read your book.
ReplyDeleteSpotlighting grandmothers is very much appreciated. My mother was raising two of my sibling's children for some time.
I'm the grammar snob you're looking for!!! I got your back, FN!You might not want me though, after I ask this question concerning the grandmothers raising the grandbabies: Who raised the children that are no longer fit to raise the grandchildren? I'm just saying. . .
ReplyDeleteYou should write the book, FN.
ReplyDeleteFind that publisher.
Just the facts:
ReplyDeleteI prosecute those child support orders that Field is talking about. First off – the courts are overly biased in favor of defendant mothers, not against; judges don’t want to send a female to jail. The reason why you may see the occasional zealous prosecution is because defendant mothers come to court with a serious attitude (because they think they won’t get locked up!). They piss everybody off and then the prosecutor and the judge have to lay down the law and show her who’s running the show.
Furthermore, if men are prosecuted less than women, it’s because they all know the system: which judges are harsh and which ones aren’t, how to avoid even seeing a judge, skirting a wage attachment. I got brothas with half-million dollar homes they put in their girlfriends names so no body knows they have any assets. And they give each other tips in the waiting room of family court about how to hide assets. It’s ridiculous!
Oh, and Field, you forgot one (my favorite) – the wives that go get on welfare without telling their (live in) husbands. Three years down the line, when court finally does catch up with him (because she’s been hiding his orders to appear in court), he gets smacked with a high-ass support order and tens of thousands in arrears. And you know what! He’ll still eat the case for that triflin’ ho he decided to wife.
Oh, and for everybody hating on grandma, she didn't raise her kids in a vaccuum. For many, white flight and crack/crime epidemic left her home a war-torn wasteland, and she probably didn't have the resources to move to the burbs.
"Who raised the children that are no longer fit to raise the grandchildren? I'm just saying. . ."
ReplyDeleteDamn lisa, let me sleep on that one:)
lalover, I got you on that link.
emjay,spoken like someone who truly knows the business. And yes, I almost forgot about the "oh I forgot to tell you I was on welfare" scam, but I was trying to minimize the kitty backlash.
I love visiting this blog but it's sure sending my BP through the roof.
ReplyDeleteHow did the black community get this fucked up?
Now I hate to say this but I remember either reading or hearing someone say you can measure how evolved people are by how well they take care of their young. I am beginning to believe this stuff people. Do not shoot the messenger. Once again do not shoot the messenger!
Work worth doing is worth doing well. As lisa put it if they had done a better job raising their kids then they would not be doing it all over again. Emjay a lazy person blames his tools. Somebody somewhere always has it worse and they still manage to rise above their circumstances.
Joel I like the idea of tribal values. My 2cts on tribal values.There is one thing I wish black women {especially the low income ones with low paying jobs in really bad neighbourhoods}would do more often. If a group of friends [who really trusted each other that is] got together and worked out their schedules such that they could baby sit each others kids[ as in there is always a responsible adult around ]while everyone else worked. I am also assuming that they have thrown out their TV's of course. Now that would be some tribal values.
good day all
"If a group of friends [who really trusted each other that is] got together and worked out their schedules such that they could baby sit each others kids[ as in there is always a responsible adult around ]while everyone else worked."
ReplyDeleteI hear you, August. But black women have been doing this already. The problem now is that, with gentrification (white developers pushing poor people out of the cities so young white suburbanites can come in), foreclosures, women getting away from violent men, etc, poor people are forced to move around a lot. This means that they no longer have relatives or a trusted neighbor to look after their kids.
If ever there is an issue that shows how little we care about poor, how off-track our so-called black leaders are it's childcare. Poor women, even middle class, say they need help with it, yet you rarely hear so-called black leaders, usually men, even bring it up!
Along with a lack of transportation and neighborhood violence, it's the primary barrier to getting and keeping a job and getting out of poverty. Transportation is a big issue because most black families don't have reliable cars in them; and the jobs are in the suburbs. A lot of buses that go to the suburbs stop running at night. The violence is important because, in some neighborhoods people are afraid to go out of the house EVEN IN THE DAYTIME!
Note to sorry ass black politicians and black-hating celebrities: Enough with the damn pep talk already! Get poor black folks help with childcare, transportation and a bunch of badass brotha cops to protect them when they go or come home or get your sorry ass out of the way.
Blessings
There the Augusts and the Bill Cosbys go again--more work for the Black woman.
ReplyDeleteTranslated, Black pitying August writes, "So, Black woman, you unevolved, excuse making woman--in your generational low paying job living in an unsafe neighborhood, gather up your equally overwrought sisters---no brothers--and agree to babysit other people's kids in those moments after you finish your low paying job and travel back into your unsafe neighborhood. Remember that if you expect as an American citizen with ancestry that runs back 400 years in this country to have any more than the illegal migrant worker, you're blaming . . . your tools. No worse, you're f*ck*d up. Of course, the illegal may be wrking along side of you (but not paying taxes on hers or his) and most appear to persist in generational poverty--as msot in their native countries--but if one or two or three of them should appear to achieve under these tough conditions, that's the standard for you Black women. You are condemn by their success. As sure as one of them is successful--given their modest beginnings--youare clearly a reprobate, lazy no good gal who doesn't value young."
Really, August.
Let us all be condemned then--by are own--and Cosby's kids too. Oprah condemns us all. She had struggles. She grew up poor. Se is worth a billion dollars. Those of us who are not--but seek fixes in our world--and find ourselves not able to give our children what Oprah can give Stedman's--for example--are, of course, not sufficiently evolved. We don't take care of our children in accord to the high standard. Your children might even ask for a $5K bail and you not be able to pay it quickly--let alone world travel(a nice copnent to a quality education) and boarding school eduation.
Why don't you, August, provide this for your kids? You don't have the money? Well, other people of your background don't sit around and offer excuses. Loook for cost-saving, more-efficient ways of living life. This is your problem. You're not thinking.
Well raven you seem to be very good at criticizing me but what solutions do you offer.I am not thinking? Go on with your brilliant analysis.Keep making excuses for poor people in the ghetto. I feel sorry for them and I do know they are between a rock and a hard place, but the least I could do is offer suggestions. Note I cannot even vote.400+ years and who do you expect to rescue them? The govt? I did not mention the men in their lives for obvious reasons.
ReplyDeleteWell I don't even know why the hell I should give a damn about a community that I don't even belong to.
bye ya'll
Field, this will sell I guarantee it.
ReplyDeleteHartia event management can do your events,anywhere in India and have already executed events in Delhi,Jaipur Indore, Kochin, Goa etc. Based on your brief, goals, budget we can organize and manage the event for you. We offer our services in Corporate Events, Sporting Events, Special Events,Birthday, Promotions etc.
ReplyDeleteExhibition Setup in Mumbai
Events Management in Mumbai