April Fools' Quiz

Quick, which of the following stories do you think is an April Fools' Day Joke?

A. Ignorant Negro masquerading as a lawmaker tells an Admiral in the Navy that he worries that too many troops on the Island of Guam could cause that bad boy to tip over?

B. Tiger Woods pays a jump off TEN MILLION DOLLARS to take R. Kelly's advice and keep their stuff on the down low?

C. A 15 year old in New Jersey pimped out her seven year old sister, causing the poor child to be gang raped.

D. Lark Voorhies e-mailed me today and said she heard that I was hunting her and would just love to meet me. She wanted to know how soon I could make it to L.A.

Okay, I know that most of you are saying D, because, well, you are obviously not familiar with my charming side. Of course, sadly, you would be right.

Still, I wouldn't think that you would be off base for selecting A, B, or C.

WTF? Did Cynthia McKinney's replacement, Hank Johnson, really say this:?

"My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize." Willard responded back "We don't anticipate that." Willard added that they would add only 25,000 more into the Guam population so it shouldn't be an issue." [Story]

Negro, don't you ever say some ignorant shit like that ever again. And I know some of you Negroes are saying to leave him alone because we are only giving white folks and wingnuts ammunition to make fun of us. But you all can stop it right now. This Negro needed to be called out. That was just plain ignorant. He ain't one of us. I don't know anyone that ignorant.

One of Hank Johnson's spokespeople noted that Congressman Johnson's remarks that Guam might capsize were made figuratively.

Yeah right. Well would it have hurt to say something to the effect that "I am speaking figuratively, of course"? Of course not. But you didn't. You know why? Because you were not speaking figuratively. You were being ignorant.

And Tiger, I know that ten million is not a lot of scratch to you. But trust me, you could have done a lot more with that ten million than just giving it to a jump off so that she wouldn't kiss and tell. What could she possibly say that hasn't been said? That you did the mile high thing in the cock pit of your G-4 ? That she had multiple partners while you watched and pretended your johnsons was a putter? I mean come on Tiger; TEN MILLION? I sure hope she was worth it.

And what about the other jump offs? Did you forget about them when you were buying off jump off number one? I swear you better be in the running at Augusta come Sunday, or it's going to be ugly for you.

I won't even comment on C, other than to say it's true.

Happy April's Fools' Day, folks!