It's Saturday night and my dogs are barking. Why? Because, unlike most real men, I had my black ass dragged to the outlets so that Mrs. Field could buy a couple of handbags that cost what folks in some Third World countries earn in a year. Yes, I am experiencing some guilt. But hey, it's her money. And, to be fair, she can be generous with it at times.
Still, it's not cool sitting in the hubby-seat while women lose their natural minds in a store that is set up just for them. The poor old guy sitting next to me-newly retired, living in Chester County, granddaughter just going off to college, and wife doing what she does best. Shop. I know all this, of course, because the poor guy and I had no choice but to exchange pleasantries and our life stories while we waited- was feeling just like I was: Trapped. So in between checking my blog and messages on my crackberry, and listening to the poor guy talk, all I could do was watch and wait in amazement.
If I wanted to live my second life as Lothario, when I die I would come back as a designer handbag. Nothing gets a woman's attention like a designer handbag. Nothing.
Of course it didn't stop there. There were other stores to see. Other things to buy. This is the "for worse" part of those marriage vows. Why can't outlets and malls come up with a kind of day care for husbands? A big room with refreshments, and television sets on every wall with ESPN and various sports channels on every one of those bad boys. And while we are at it; let's throw in some magazines to read, pool tables, and the whole nine yards. Kind of like the VIP lounge at an airport. The mall that comes up with that concept will double their business withing weeks. I guarantee it.
Oh well, all is well that ends well. I am home, safe and sound, and I was not trampled by a pack of deal hunting females.
Finally, in keeping with the spirit of this post, I have a confession to make: I watch basketball wives because of Royce Reed. Does that make me a bad person, or shallow in any way? I sure hope not, because after what I went through today, I realize that I deserve some guilty pleasures in life. I think Mrs. Field would understand.
chuckling heartily at this post... my father has now got out of this by getting me to go with my mother we have a great time & i always get a little spending money from him even though i am forty *cough* something now..
ReplyDeletebut he then has to listen to a 4 hour step by step account of the 'amazing trip' when my mother gets home...
Funny that you should mention shopping for purses because my sister and I just got through looking for a particular Coach purse online a few minutes ago. Yup! I along with other women is guilty.
ReplyDeleteYou think that women shopping for purses is bad, well...you wouldn't want to go with me into the shoe department. You might age a few years if you did. I have two closets full of shoes, on the closet floor, stacked in boxes on the top shelves, and keep saying to myself that it's time to clean my closet out. To tell you the truth, when I'm looking for some shoes to wear, I always run across a pair that I forgot I had.
While I'm confessing, I might as well tell you that some of them I haven't worn yet. Well...maybe, more than some of them. Whew! Now, that's off my chest I feel so much better. Yup, confession is good for the soul. (wink)
I was about to say shoes will get a woman's attention more than a handbag.
ReplyDeleteI was about to say shoes would get a woman's attention more than handbags. Just mention the name Christian Louboudin to Mrs. Field and watch the expression on her face.
ReplyDeleteField, I swear, you're a black James Thurber, and that's a compliment, and I rarely compliment.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever considered fleshing out these life vignettes, compiling them into a collection, and selling them.
You have a way of seeing the humor in these moments, and conveying it in ways that never fail to bring a smile or a chuckle.
"May I have some more please!" Can't you just see that little orphan face, arms outstretched, bowl in hand?
~
ReplyDeleteFor you rich Negroes after shopping pleasure:
D.C. to begin using more-expensive Trojan condoms in HIV prevention program
High school students and college-age adults have been complaining to District officials that the free condoms the city has been offering are not of good enough quality and are too small ...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/20/AR2010052003980.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/05/20/AR2010052003980.html
`
NSangoma:
ReplyDelete"For you rich Negroes after shopping pleasure"
LOL! You made me think about that old saying, "When my rich uncle gets out the po house..."
We only get back to the States once a year so when I shop, I'm on a mission. Don't stand in my way. I hate shopping with my husband. He tries to be too helpful. Instead of letting me pick out what I want, he's always shoving stuff in my face, "What about this? This is nice. This is on sale."
ReplyDeleteWhen he does his annual suit shopping at Syms, I drop him off. There is no store more boring! He calls me before he makes his purchase. I make him put half of the suits back and then chose the ones that look better on him.
Purses are so important to a woman because so many of our clothes do not have pockets.
ReplyDeleteYes, one can tuck one's cell phone in one's bra, but there can be complications....
"LOL! You made me think about that old saying, "When my rich uncle gets out the po house..."
ReplyDeleteROFL.
jumping in unread, i'll say that consumerism is Evil. i don't mean to be a hypocrite: for many years i cared about labels and fashion and shoes and suchlike. i was a model. my friends and i had all the magazines, went to all the shows, etc. that's why i know it's Evil. consumerism also kills, as FN points out. some poor slave locked in a factory in china gets a bowl of rice a day and a rape/beating, so we can have shiny consumer items. that we don't need. that destroy the environment. that support dictatorships and mega corporations. etc.
ReplyDeletei have taken to recycling and remaking in a hard core way. people call me a "hippy" and other things for it, but i try not to add to landfills. it's hard! but worth it. i confess it's easier for me than it would be for others who don't have the same comforts and opportunities i have. still, i'm trying to think of the future, and my nieces and nephews. they deserve a clean, balanced earth just like i enjoy.
FN: men and women are consumers, both. women buy things like shoes and bags. men buy things like electronic toys and gearhead tools. it's basically the same. "your penis will be longer if you buy this tool chest!" "more men will love you if you wear these shoes!" TV and advertising teaches us these values in a way school can never teach us about things like science and history. propaganda works, yo.
I agree. Consummerism is nothing but greed run wild. But it fits nicely with the nature of most human beings. It is pretty scary.
ReplyDeleteNice image Field
ReplyDeleteI'm also a huge fan of "Basketball Wives" however Royce is not my favorite character.
Its Jennifer & Evelyn.
Like all Women or most, I too am a bag freak. Great post
i am puzzled about why either of you would put yourselves through that--it is too far for her to drive alone or something? unsafe? why did you go?
ReplyDeletei hate shopping and i never dragged my x to anything. most of my shopping is done online except when i am getting stuff for my kids, and they are old enough to go with their friends now, thank GOD.
that said, i love my coach bag...and i only replace it every few years.
Ok, I am a purse junkie, but I have never paid over $60 for any of mine. My lovely sister buys my designer bags when she hits the outlet mall at Christmas and for my Birthday, hell I have even got one for Mother's Day. I usually go in walk around realize that the sale isn't that great of a sale for us broke folk and walk out carrying my knock off that they didn't even notice was a knock off (you know they can confiscate that ish).
ReplyDeletePeace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
Field, I feel for you. I'm a woman who hasn't paid more than $75 for any single item of clothes or a pair of shoes, never mind a purse. I couldn't care less about designer anything, as consider my style my own. This may sound great, but let me tell you those trips get longer and longer when you're looking for bargains and don't care about designer labels. So in some strange way, making a beeline for the designer purse and paying more is actually saving you even more hours more of agony.
ReplyDeleteEven peace comes with a price tag, my man. Cheers and happy hunting next time! I kid, I kid.
LoL Field, that's how I behave when I'm in a Apple store or a software corner. I'm not into designer handbags any longer, I have too much expensive ones in my closet dry rotting. I've decided to support the Africans now :)
ReplyDeleteI have to travel P.R. or the mainland states to really lose my mind while shopping. My boyfriend comes along and finds central places to sit and wait for me. I always know where to find him, I can hear him before I see him (I don't know why Spanish speaking black men have to talk so loud on cell phones anyway). But he's really there because of his talent, he's mastered the art of neatly consolidating shopping bags as I drop them off on his lap.
And Field, Royce kinda looks like Lark, this is becoming a pattern. Mrs. Field needs to censor your television time.
Thank you BD,hearing that from you is special.I consider you a real wordsmith.
ReplyDeleteGranny, if you ever come to Philly I will give you Mrs. Field's# :)
Geneva Girl, I need to have a talk with that husband of yours.
"I was about to say shoes will get a woman's attention more than a handbag."
True dat Robbie, true dat. Although I think the Mrs. is equally in love with her shoes and handbags.
Lady-Cracker, thanks for explaining the reason for the
the fetish.
"FN: men and women are consumers, both. women buy things like shoes and bags. men buy things like electronic toys and gearhead tools. it's basically the same. "your penis will be longer if you buy this tool chest!" "more men will love you if you wear these shoes!" TV and advertising teaches us these values in a way school can never teach us about things like science and history. propaganda works, yo."
OK CD, you got me.
"i am puzzled about why either of you would put yourselves through that--it is too far for her to drive alone or something? unsafe? why did you go?"
maria, it's a long story. Let's just say that once you start seomething, you cant just stop doing it. :)
La~audio, now why is it that I am not surprised about your boyfriend?That is exactly what I would have imagined. Poor guy, bless his heart.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, as for Lark and Royce, you might be right. Do you have the # to a good shrink? :)
FN,
ReplyDeleteI am not into purses, but I have used a paycheck to buy shoes, that was before I had a mortgage:)
I am surprised that you are a patient man.
Chicago Dyke,
ReplyDeleteI love tools, too.
Coach bags are my all time favs because they're not too expensive and last so long. As for the outlets, lets just say that I HATE shopping but even I have to avoid the Coach outlet since it's too easy to leave $500 dollars lighter than you arrived, LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteLa♥audiobooks said...
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend comes along and finds central places to sit and wait for me......
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I almost lost my breakfast when I read this crap. You have a boyfriend about as much as I'm a non degree having Scientist, LOL!!
BTW, would that "boyfriend" of yours be a size
C" or "D", LOL???? Energizer or Duracell?? Better yet, rechargeable?
Field,
ReplyDeleteHere's more on Royce, incl. a nice pic.
http://tinyurl.com/25pnrtp
MMM, why must you been so snide and hateful? no one said anything to you.
ReplyDeleteWOW! Field, did you hear about the 7yr old girl who was shot in her own home?
ReplyDeleteGrata, I googled your inquiry. You must be talking about this. This is breaking my heart.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2010/05/17/7-year-old-girl-killed-by-detroit-police-while-sleeping-in-her-home/
http://detnews.com/article/20100516/METRO/5160325/Detroit-Police-shoot-7-year-old-girl-in-house-search
I am a purse girl myself, and you are right, nothing gets my attention like a designer handbag. That said, considering that men are always asking us to carry things around in our bag because they refuse to carry men bags, I don't think you get to complain. That bag eventually turns every woman into a pack mule because ends up hauling her husbands shit. So since most most men are too many to carry man bags, I don't think they get to complain about shopping for them.
ReplyDeleteField,
ReplyDeleteIn Europe I can usually find a pub, bar or bistro while my wife is shopping. In London, she knows the locations of all the pubs around her favorite stores and she can usually track me down without much difficulty.
Of course, I can do the same in the good ol' U.S. of A. but it seems to be more difficult. So I join the other husbands, milling around the front of the store like extras in a zombie movie. It is particularly difficult in the shops where they use the Male-B-Gone spray (you know the smell).
It makes me wonder, just how did those street pirates steal all the benches that used to be in front of these stores?
Gregory,
ReplyDeleteThe retailers don't want you to sit, they want you to shop.
I have sat on a manikin base as a last resort. I do most of my shopping online, because I no longer have the stamina.
Not all women take a long time to shop, Mr. Field. I'm an in and out shopper. I walk to exactly what I came for then get it and go pay and then leave!
ReplyDeleteI hate shopping in stores! Yes, I know I'm in the minority but I hate it. I love online shopping though! No lines. No pesky salespeople.
Also I'm not into designer bags. Most designers couldn't be bothered to even put a Black woman in their ads or on the runway so I'll just keep my money.
P.S.
ReplyDeleteMr Field you should open a few "Man Lounges" at your local malls. That's a great idea.
maria said...
ReplyDeleteMMM, why must you been so snide and hateful? no one said anything to you.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Tell you why I'm being hateful, because the witch posts negative anony comments directed toward me, THATS why.
More importantly, it's because lowlife's like HER make my job of encouraging young Black women to pursue careers in science, engineering, and medicine that much more difficult. How does she do that? Imagine a young girl in SE DC who really loves math, but is ashamed to say so to her peers for 1) Being laughed at for being a braniac by them and/or 2) Not being believed that she can actually do it by her peers.
Being on this blog has made ONE thing VERY clear. If I had been a Psychology major, Social Worker or even a teacher, my occupation wouldn't be questioned by her or anyone else. But because i have to audacity to be a success in a field dominated by Asians and White to the tune of > 90%, I'm not "believed" by jackasses like her!!
So for me it's all good, I've got mine to the tune of 3 Science degrees including 2 Master's, IN SCIENCE. And my recent decision to earn and MD instead of a PhD means that God is continually blessing me educationally. But what about that young black kid who dares to dream they can do the same? People on the net tend to be microcosms of who they are in person so if that's the case, our "race" would be far better off without people like HER!!!
Bottom line is that none of us knows who may be reading this blog and could be influenced by what is said and read.
Soap box dismounted!!!!
@ FN:
ReplyDelete"Nothing gets a woman's attention like a designer handbag. Nothing."
Reminds me of the Mary J Blige song where she says..."On your way home stop and buy me a pair of shoes because there's a part of me I'm trying to get you used to."
I'm sure you already know that when a woman invites (or makes) her husband/man go shopping with her its because she is really desiring that intimacy with him. OK-FN- intimacy does not equate to sex :)
Plus...she needs a driver and a shopping bag holder that she trusts...lol
Peace.
~agape2010~
"Plus...she needs a driver and a shopping bag holder that she trusts...lol"
ReplyDeleteYep, now that I will buy.
Damn it Val, are you married? I have to introduce you to some single friends of mine. :)
Gregory, thanks for the heads up on the finals in Europe. I saw the Inter striker breaking that Bayern defender's leg to score the second goal like it was an AI crossover.:) That was too funny.
"I am surprised that you are a patient man."
Actually Hathor, I am not. I have just been trained by the Mrs. to be when it comes to certain things.
Renee, guilty as charged.
Grata, you are a little late. I already linked that story in a recent blog post.
Ooh Wee! That's some serious love you've got for Mrs. Field. LOL! The only shopping the husband and I can do together is grocery shopping. Once when I had to buy a dress for my family reunion banquet I made the mistake of insisting he come with me. He thought shopping for a dress meant just buying a dress. (Women know it also entails buying shoes and accessories.) SMH!If I ever own shopping center, I think I'd use your idea and have a men's holding area with televisions showing the game or Spike TV.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Field has great taste in bags. I'm a Coach fan from years past.
ReplyDelete@Granny - I did a shoe inventory the other day, just out of curiosity. Yikes! When one has that many shoes, they never wear out, kwim? I've got old Timberlands from the 80's, lol!
You're onto something with that waiting room, field.
oh, and field, THANK YOU for calling out John Stossel. Didn't he used to be more reasonable when he was on 60 Minutes, like, 20 years ago? But he has really gotten reactionary over the years.
ReplyDeleteGranted, I may have become more progressive and liberal (no doubt), but he's just off the charts.
mmm said:
ReplyDelete..for me it's all good, I've got mine to the tune of 3 Science degrees including 2 Master's, IN SCIENCE. And my recent decision to earn and MD instead of a PhD means that God is continually blessing me educationally."
wow, best of luck with that. hard to do and juggle work and family. i hope that works out well for you. seriously; i wish you the best and am glad you have a supportive family behind you.
i don't think LAB is all that toward you at all. like you and me, things have gotten ugly and personal but it does not mean she doesn't support what you do or discourages people who want to follow their dreams. not at all.
anyway, i am happy for you.
Field,
ReplyDeleteYou know I love YOU but leave Mrs Field alone! Let her buy her handbags! :)
RaceTraitor:
ReplyDeleteLOL! I feel ya! I'm scared to do an inventory in my closet. Besides that would be a two day job.
MMM, I know several black women who are majoring in Sciences. My sister is one. I also have a female relative who has several MS degrees and a PhD in Physics. A close friend with a PhD in pharmaceutical drugs, and she's from Haiti. What you claim to be is nothing new for black women.
ReplyDeleteAnyone can claim to be what they choose anonymously over the internet. To be given the benefit of belief is only a courtesy, it's not a right. Your constant boasting and low class behavior is not becoming of what you claim, you will never be awarded that benefit, at least not from me.
And I see this was yet another soapbox opportunity for you to again remind everyone of your so call achievements. If you really had those accomplishments under your belt, you wouldn't harbor this need to prove yourself to people you don't know on the internet. That's what give you away. Stop obsessing over sex/male genitalia, stop worshiping BET, and get a bar of soap for your mouth. Maybe only then you will be able to fool people. And I would never address you anonymously, I've never feared you.
Low class fraud.
Maria, I'm happy for her too. If only there was a reason for her to be truly happy for herself.
ReplyDeleteReal men don't mind shopping with their wives.
ReplyDeleteMy Daddy didn't.
FN, you done good.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAn ignore function would really makes moving through trash posts so much easier, LOL!!!
ReplyDeletemaria said...
ReplyDeletewow, best of luck with that. hard to do and juggle work and family. i hope that works out well for you. seriously; i wish you the best and am glad you have a supportive family behind you.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hey Maria, thanks for that!!! But actually, luck doesn't have much to do with it. It's really all about choices and the realization that my career in Neuropathogy/ traumatic brain injury is going to be severely handicapped by not having medical training.
Now there's a TON of us in our 30's, 40's, and even 50's, who feel that we just need more, so I'd encourage you to get on the bandwagon so to speak if you feel like there's something more YOU need to do educationally speaking. Honestly, it seems to me that women seem to put themselves last and we just need to stop doing that.................
"my career in Neuropathogy/ traumatic brain injury is going to be severely handicapped by not having medical training."
ReplyDeleteNeuropathogy must have been a word you picked up somewhere. I think you meant "Neuropathology". A true professional in that field would never make that error, nor refer to it as such.
And I could have sworn you once declared that your Science career was aimed towards some other study.
Why must you bring the worse out of me?
I'm partial to the fake bags that look real enough! I don't care if you know its fake, but its got to look good! And its gotta be big baby!!!
ReplyDeleteMMM, i've been considering getting more active in local politics so that i can do more advocacy or in a more effective way. i'm getting my feet wet slowly and learning by doing...but as a single mother i have to raise my kids first. i absolutely do put myself last but i am fast getting tired of that.
ReplyDeletei meant "luck" in getting to into a good med school and scoring good teachers. sometimes it's random and talent isn't enough, as you know.
FN,
ReplyDeleteGermany has had these for years...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3173126.stm
maria said...
ReplyDeletei'm getting my feet wet slowly and learning by doing...but as a single mother i have to raise my kids first. i absolutely do put myself last but i am fast getting tired of that.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I absolutely "get it" as far as putting your own needs last. I somehow sensed that based on what you've posted in the past.
But as far as being a single Mom, let me just say that I know a single Mom who finished med school in 6 years with 4 kids, including a baby and NO local familial support. Yeah, that wasn't you but I'm just saying, you'd be surprised how things will line up once you take that first critical step.
Now to put this post back on track, I'd been eyeing that $500 + Coach travel bag for the past 2 years but just couldn't bring myself to "go there", that is until I found it at the outlet for only $175 bucks recently! Now THAT's a bargain that any frugal Mother could enjoy, LOL!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow! So much $$ for a purse! I know that part of the fascination with the bag is the name, and well, the thing lasts a long time, I suppose. (I don't own one and have no interest in owning one, even though I can probably -- and very carefully, mind you -- move a few figures around and purchase one, but I'm not interested in the Coach phenom like that. How many of us wold spend the same amount of time in a bookstore as we do shopping for Coach bags and purchasing shoes? To each her own vice, I guess. Me? I'm a book person and can spend (and have indeed spent!) hours in the bookstore. Borders is one of my faves, and plenty times I come out of the bookstore having spent, oh, maybe $150. Books never go out of style. Out of print, maybe, but not out of style. Just my 2cents.
ReplyDeleteits such a usefull knowledge for all people
ReplyDeletee-liquid flavors
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ReplyDelete