Sunday, June 24, 2007

Weak Ass Men



When I was a kid growing up I could not touch my older sister no matter what she did to me. She was three years my senior and sometimes she gave me hell. But if I dared put my hand on her, even though I was the youngest, that was my ass. "Never ever put your hand on a woman no matter what" is what my Dad constantly preached and yes I do mean preached to me. ( He was a preacher for crying out loud) That was always right up there with putting my hand in a woman's purse. "Never ever put your hand or look in a woman's purse, no matter what." As an adult that one always brought some angst in my relationships. "Honey can you pass me my keys they are right there in my purse."........."ahhh no dear I can't how about if I just bring you your purse and you get em." "Negro what is it with you and just sticking your hand in my purse?" Bottom line is, I always took what my Dad said to heart, and that stayed with me to this day.

This Bobby Cutts fellow down in Ohio could have used a Dad like mine. Seems my man is now being charged with the murders of this woman (Jessie Davis) and her child. Bobby might not be guilty of murdering this woman and her unborn child, (although it sure doesn't look good for him) but we do know he is guilty of abusing women in the past. Which, along with some great comments from "ari", and "anon." after my previous post, is what led me to post these comments about domestic abuse, and domestic violence.

Here in Philadelphia, workers in the Domestic Relations court system hate the Monday mornings after an Eagles game. They hate it because the line outside the domestic violence unit will be longer, and the bruises on the women will be a little deeper. Unfortunately, it seems that some of their husbands' and boyfriends' Eagles fans like to take an Eagles loss out on their poor wives and/or girlfriends. Domestic violence is a serious matter; and as someone who has seen the very dark side of this demented behaviour, it bothers me more than the average person-- unless of course they happen to be living the nightmare themselves. The statistics are staggering. 85-95% of domestic violence victims are female,over 500,000 women are stalked each year,there are 5.3 million cases of reported abuse each year,and 1,232 people will be killed each year by an intimate partner. The sad truth is that 1 in 4 American women will be victims of domestic violence in their life times. And that's what we know about. Can you imagine all the women that are living with some form of domestic abuse, be it physical or emotional, and are afraid to come forward? Too often when we become aware of such a situation it's too late. Everyone in the country is focused on Bobby Cutts and poor Jessie Davis, but what about the family of four in Illinois that was recently murdered in their SUV by the alleged husband, and father, Christopher Vaughn? How sad is that? I mean we are seeing more and more cases of these animals taking out their families and loved ones, because of their inability to cope with rejection and to control their sick rage.




Let me say for the record; if Bobby Cutts did do what he is being accused of at least participating in, he deserves to get what O.J. Simpson's guilty ass should have gotten, and what Rae Carruth got for killing his pregnant girlfriend. I have no pity or mercy for men who commit acts of violence against women or children. Period! There is just no excuse, I don't care what the circumstances are, or what you claim she did to you. I know that men claim to be victims of domestic violence as well, and I have seen legitimate cases of it. But the far majority of these cases are men against women and to think or say otherwise would be foolhardy and disingenuous.




So let me put this in a racial context for you as well. (You knew that was coming) Brothers, we have it a little harder out here for all the obvious reasons. And sometimes we use that as an excuse to go home and take the shit we put up with out in the world on our significant others, and on our children. That shit is wrong! Because these are the last people we should be hurting or trying to take our frustrations out on. Just remember, that your woman is probably the only person out here who truly has your back. After all, she is with your black ass, in spite of what you are going through. Just remember that shit. Just because your daddy might have whupped your mother's ass, does not give you an excuse to continue the cycle, you have to be stronger than he was, and you have to e able to recognize the problem. I know the shit our here is hard, but that's not her fault, that woman is probably the only peace and solace you will have from this crazy f****d world we live in. So the next time you think of raising your hand or your voice at her, save that passion and emotion for something or someone that is really f*****g with your life; like George Bush, or Dick Cheney, or even the person looking at you in the mirror.



Before I go, here are two great organizations dealing with domestic violence that you should be aware of:










41 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great post... Have a good day!

When I get a chance, I'll come back and add to this.

Angie

Villager said...

field - Outstanding post. I never understood how any man could raise his hand and strike a woman. It is a situation that simply never computed for me. My parents 50 years of marriage earlier this year. I never saw my father get physical with my mother ... although both of them regularly whipped some butt when it came to their children!

I haven't been following the situation with Jessie Davis. I see that her parents go to the same church as blogger Paula Mooney.

Anyhow ... great post!

peace, Villager

Qusan said...

This had been a sad, sad weekend with two men (at least that made the news) being charged with killing their partners and their children. I don't understand the phenomenon but it seems to be happening at every turn. What is going on here?

rikyrah said...

Superb post. Thank you, FN.

I have no sympathy. As for the man in Ohio, he falls under this category:
Black folk who do NOT need defending by other Black folk

His Black card has been revoked.


The Vaughn family was on the front page of the newspaper today. Looked at the ages - the mother was 34. 34. I looked at the faces of those children and thought what went through their mind as the person they felt would protect them, no matter what - THEIR FATHER - killed them. What were their last thoughts.

Just like I think about that precious little boy witnessing his mother ' in the rug'. The nightmare.

Put them under the jail.

Francis L. Holland Blog said...

Great post, Field! I used to write Domestic Violence grants and run battered immigrant spouse programs for the Catholic Church, so I can attest to the statistics you've reported, if any attestation were needed.

Speaking of which, if you know of an immigrant whose afraid to leave a battering spouse for fear of losing their immigration status, tell them that there's a special provision in immigration law that may allow them to get their status independent of the battering US-citizen spouse.

I agree with you: there's no good or acceptable reason to hit a woman. If I felt so angry at a woman that I wanted to to hit her, then I know right then and there that I either need to get outside help or get the heck out of that relationship before it landed me in prison! Using that rule, I've had a lot of relationships but none in which I hit anybody.

Maryscott O'Connor says I'm a "racist" because I have denounced all-white casts in Hollywood films and television shows. I don't think it's racist to support integration of Hollywood. What I said was,

"Personally, I have NEVER, EVER seen a film with an all white cast that I thought was worth my money. In fact, having an all-white cast is invariably a symptom of a general lack of creativity on the part of the actors, directors, producers and financiers of a movie. And it shows, because their work is generally crap."

Asabagna said...

Outstanding post.

As a law enforcement practitioner myself, I have seen first hand the effects of domestic violence against women and children. As the first responder, when you get to the home and see the physical injuries the women have received, plus the children crying and cowering in the corner or in their rooms, it makes you wanna whip the man's azzzz! Show him how it feels to be abused by someone bigger and stronger or with "tools that can bring the pain." But you gotta be a professional and also not stoop to their level.

Yeah I have had to respond to domestic violence against men too, but it's NOT the same dynamics when you attend the scene. Less chaos. Most times he is calling to cover his azzz because he pushed or struck the woman first and then they got into it and he got as good as he tried giving.

field negro said...

Thanks for co-signing villager,anon,qusan,rikyrah, and francis. Asa, thanks for your unique insight. It's always good to hear a story from someone who has lived it.

Peace.

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Field:

Thank you for preaching to the Brothas on this one. And, no, I'm not going to be like Chris Rock and say "brothas need to stay away from white girls because everything bad that happens to them is because of being with a white girl."

What I will say is that brothas shouldn't be abusing any woman they are with, be it coffee or coffee with milk in it, but if you're going for the coffee with milk in it, you should know that the law enforcement people are going to come down harder on you because they believe that you shouldn't be outside your race anyway.

While they're thinking is bigoted and wrong, nevertheless, this is the world we all live in.

While OJ walked, a white guy out in California is sitting on Death Row in San Quentin because he killed his pregnant wife and unborn son.

Scott Peterson was a born playa, and his wife, Laci, got in the way of his playing. My thinking is if you don't want to be with your woman anymore, take off and leave her alone. Yes, she is entitled to you supporting your child, but you don't need to kill her because you don't want to pay child support.

I worked at the Post Office with a guy who was dating Rae Carruth's mother and had been with her since "Rae-Rae" was a kid. When the news came out that his girlfriend was killed - he told me that he had NO DOUBT Rae did it because he'd already left a woman in Sacramento with a child, and they broke up because she chose to have the kid.

He didn't want to pay any more child support out of that Carolina Panthers paycheck anymore. But he's sitting in jail doing a 25-to-life stretch, and the only reason he's not on Death Row is because he didn't actually pulled the trigger.

What I'd like to know is when a woman is trying to leave a man, he has to get crazy ("If I can't have you, no one can!")

Man up, guys. If you can't treat her right, at least leave her right.

mark said...

Field great post my philly brotha. I typed up a real nice groovy post but it disapeared somehow. Anyway thank you for this post us brothas need to hear this we need to treat black women much better than we do.

rikyrah said...

FN,

Did you put a pic of L'il Kim up, talking about her REALITY SHOW as she went to jail?

L'il Kim and that show, and Paris Hilton - same pack of parasites.

I don't think she's going to get a million - I think they rethought how hideous it looked, and went for kissass Larry King.

moved said...

Just remember, that your woman is probably the only person out here who truly has your back

I read your words, and they fill a cup in my heart I didn't even know was empty. The cup fills. I drink from it and rejoice, feeling these words rejuvenate my blood, my marrow, my soul.

Thank you.

Tasha said...

Great Post, Field. There's so much I want to say in response, but I'm having a hard time coming up with the words. This really struck a chord with me today for a number of reasons, especially because I've lived through it. Thanks for brining this issue to the forefront where it belongs.

Forgiven said...

Field,

I knew we clicked for some reason, to this day I still will not go into a womans purse and you're right it can cause some friction. My parents still have never heard me curse, and thanks to the grace of God I have never had to hit a woman although there have been some opportunities. The funny thing is that when I was being attacked by a woman those thoughts immediately come to my head that you just don't do it. For me it's like stealing, when I was little and tried to steal something I would get this feeling that made me nauseas and couldn't go through with it. I still get that feeling today.

You may not believe this, but sometimes I can be an asshole. So I know I have provoked some women to anger and have been attacked. There was the one who tried to stab me with the knife I gave her and then there was the one who tried to take my head off with a phone ( this is when phones weighed 10 pounds) and each case there was a part of me that wanted to lash out and beat the dogs**t out of them, but those words came into my head and I couldn't do it. I took away the knife after taking some cuts and stabs and threw her ass out of my apartment and I did the same with the phone phantom.

The point I want to make is that it is how you are raised. I believe that one of the side effects of fornication in the Black community is the loss of values that those who had fathers learned. I love women, but women do not know what it is to be a man, they may know what they like about men but not what it takes to be a man. We have women who have not known fathers who seek it out in these abusive men and you have men raised by women with the emotional nature of women and not men. This is not to say that there are not exceptions to the rule, but just because I hold something together with duct tape doesn't mean it isn't broken...

From the cowardice that shrinks from new truth; from the laziness that is content with half-truths; from the arrogance that thinks it knows all truth – oh God of Truth deliver us!— Unknown

The Disputed Truth

Christopher Chambers said...

After Nifong, Bill jefferson, Killadelphia, ignorant negroes slapping each other and burning cars on Juneteeth of all days, a weak ass CBC, Obama trying to be all things to all people and becoming nothing to anyone, weak Democrats in Congress, Russell Simmons blaming sick and silly behavior in hip hop on "poverty and oppression," the last thing we needed was Bobby Cutts Jr. Lawd Lawd it's Christmastime for white folks!!! The wingnut blogsphere and talk shows can now plaster him up there (him with a wife, recall) and now his stereotypical rotund accessory and possibly accomplice "Myiesha" with impunity.

And what do we say about chicks like Jesse, or Rae Carruth's girl?We call them hoes. I heard it in the grocery store yesterday; I heard it in Charlotte when I lived down there for a year. As if that somehow is relevant even if remotely applicable. I'd call those women victims...

What do we do, Field? I mo-fu'ing surrender...

dc_speaks said...

this was a fantastic post. as always delivered in a well articulated fashion.

I appreciate ya, brother field.

west coast story said...

Good post, Field.

Last week, a man in Berkeley killed his wife and two young children as they sat in the car then himself because he was having financial problems. He drove to a public park up in the hills and did it.

JustMeWriting said...

Great post dude...and that intro was on point. I've got some REAL strong feelings about this issue, but I'll save my words for my own post...lol; from the OTHER side.

The Angry Independent said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Angry Independent said...

I was on the road when the Davis story was developing... I was hoping the whole time that Cutts was not involved.

Now Cutts will be the new poster Monster for all the bigots, who will say this is why there should not be interracial relationships.

I agree with Field... I was raised the same way- don't hit a woman. My little sister would mess with me... knowing full well that I couldn't do anything, lol. She enjoyed herself.

How these men could do this is beyond me. It's horrific just to think about. If I ever get into a situation where I can't deal with a girlfriend...or wife.. I will just leave. I couldn't imagine spending time conspiring to kill my family... like the Illinois man did- he had to have planned that out for weeks.

When does life get so bad that you want to take out your whole family?

I recall a few weeks ago... the man who dismembered his wife...
& split after visited by police.

Then there was a Black guy a while back who dismembered his girlfriend in his apartment.

Sometimes these incidents start out as a crime of passion....(w/ the initial killing) then in an effort to get rid of evidence... & cover up... these guys do all kinds of other crazy things.

But I couldn't imagine getting mad enough to even raise my voice and argue for any length of time... let alone get violent.

I'd just get a hotel room for a couple of days.

Paula D. said...

Excellent, excellent post field! It always makes me sad when I hear about men hurting women. I just don't get it! I like what you said about how your father preached to you. Too bad there aren't more men like your dad to set good examples.

Christopher Chambers said...

FN: a guy onmy blog commented that you can put your foot down on the silly, nilihistic and dangerous, immature behavior of us black men, (and I guess all weak ass men) and not be "captive" to a right wing agenda. Why can't more of us, and our so-called leaders, see that and be brave enough? F*ck the dirty laundry thing. It's already out there.

And thanks for revoking Angela's FN card. Brother, that self-righteous weirdo never should have had one to begin with, regardless of what she's doing with the UN and in Africa (in front of the press cameras).

Anonymous said...

Another P.A.N. season of tragedy. The male just put a "target" on other black people in this country, like we need such negative publicity in da hoods of America, just like C Chambers said.

Goodness knows this knucklehead b.s. has been going on long time. BTW, a professional wrestler just killed his family and himself in the comfort and privacy of his own home.

Women do not stay with an abuser out of "love and respect" but "fear and some amount of rage". If the country has forgotten the story "The Burning Bed", maybe they should re-release it on the TV. It might wake some folks up to what is really happening, especially in poor communities. Kind of pointless being a Victims Advocate, if the victim is dead.

Cassandra

C-dell said...

I was allso raised the same way. Some friends and i conducted a can food drive for a domestic abuse shelter. I felt really good to help.

rikyrah said...

Hat tip: Jack and Jill Politics

The Jack and Jill Politics Blog has been following the case of Hans von Spakovsky and his Federal Election Commission nomination. This is a man who has ACTIVELY participated on MINORITY VOTER SUPPRESSION. You could say that it's his specialty.

Check out their article on him, and how COLOR OF CHANGE is now involved in a campaign against him. Please check out WHY this man needs to be stopped.

field negro said...

thanks rikyrah, I got an e-mail about my man from the "color of change" people. Let's see how the CBC votes on this one!

Michael Fisher said...

"85-95% of domestic violence victims are female"

That is not correct, and you ought to know it.

The ratio is just about 52/48. And this is only REPORTED domestic violence incidents. men actively underreport attacks on themselves.

Michael Fisher said...

"a guy on my blog commented that you can put your foot down on the silly, nilihistic and dangerous, immature behavior of us black men"

"Us black men?"

Why, you've been beating up a woman lately, ever?

If so, speak for yourself. Don't put me and my righeous brothers who are the vast majority of black men in this country in that silly ass category.

Anonymous said...

Michael Fisher, please tell me where you are getting your statistics from, as I am very curious about the source.

As a survivor of domestic abuse, I tend to lean more to the "80-90%" of victims are female. A lot of it is not reported in the ghetto/hood because of the convoluted "rules" about police and black males. Whatever violence is going on in the dominant culture, rest assured black females have it twice as bad. Trying to juggle survival methods of race, culture and personal self-worth in the U S has always been problematic - like black women and children were not lynched right alongside black men. Now I have to worry about some foreign whack jobs to boot.

Cassandra

west coast story said...

Woman occasionally kill their partners and kids but it's mostly men according to the FBI. It's hard to imagine that the abuse is close to 50/50 but the guys trump us on murder. I'm so sick of this bogus notion that significant numbers of men are getting beaten by women. Listen up, if half the women really could knock men around, a WHOLE BUNCH of s**t would be different in this country. Believe it.

west coast story said...

Check this out. Note the quote and citations below:

http://www.endabuse.org/resources/facts/

<<*While women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner. (9)

*In 2001, intimate partner violence made up 20 percent of violent crime against women. The same year, intimate partners committed three percent of all violent crime against men. (10)

(9) U.S. Department of Justice, Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, March 1998

(10) Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003>>

Anonymous said...

Cassandra, don't worry about Michael Fisher's stats, he got those statistics from the B.O.A, the bureau of his ass.

Almost 50/50! Yeah right.

field negro said...

MF, not sure where you live there big guy, but I am pretty sure my figures are far more accurate than yours.

http://www.aidv-usa.com/Statistics.htm

And yes, you are right I "ought" know better, and I am pretty sure that I do.

I do co-sign with the second part of your post, we were being painted with a pretty broad brush.

I think domestic violence is pretty f*****g color blind don't you?

Anonymous said...

"Anonymous", Christian..Liberal, FN and others who are supportive of strong, black women...

Thank you!

Trust me; domestic violence is INDEED "color blind", "gender blind" and so is "stupid"

Why the FOSS! would I want to trade a white abuser for a black one or a female one or vice versa? Getting your butt whupped, is the same regardles of who holds the belt/bat! And I am also TIRED of apologing to white females for what their sorry-ass white men do to them! If you want to trade horror stories, call me. A sorry-ass is a sorry-ass and a sorry ass is also "color blind" - duh. You want that sorry-ass? Good; hell, I will pay you to take him off my hands, and "Baby Mama" TOO with her stupid ass. He is going to take his rage out on someone; better you than me because I DO NOT have "Everlast" written across my forehead.

(And I am still waiting to be admitted to the AfroSpear blog to offer an o-pini-on.)

Cassandra

James said...

A man who kicks a woman ass, most times is a coward. The bail for the white guy who is reputted to have shot his wife once to death and his 3 kids 2 times a piece to death, bail set at 1 milliom, Bobby Cutts Jr, bail 5 million, you are a lawyer, what gives?

DivineLavender said...

I take that many women don't set out to be in abusive relationships and its a tangled, complex web to untangle and free yourself. Most women whom are murdered are killed by the men they love.


MY advice for all of us women...play attention to your man's angry flash points. Don't think it will clam down or you did something to provoke him. Nothing you do will be right. Leave with your life.


The advice for the rest of us, don't be so judgemental of women in abusive relationships. Unless you know and even if it is puzzling to us, most women have to attempt to escape that relationship close to 60 times before they are successful. We have to know it take more than just a backpack and a wish. There are organizations that have created safety escape plans for women. Many have to relocate to another state, secretly hide documents, transportation, secretly change jobs, and with kids involved take them aways without putting their LIVES at risk.


Thank you FN. I appreciate a brotha speaking up. I wish we all don't let this be just another post.

-DL

west coast story said...

I did not know this woman but I just cried when I read this story.
***********************************
The Oakland Tribune 6-30-07

http://www.insidebayarea.com/search//ci_6263586

Oakland activist killed in her Laurel home

By Angela Woodall, Staff Writer
Article Launched: 06/29/2007 05:28:31 PM PDT


OAKLAND _ Jocquline Mason had just opened a hair salon and recorded a CD. Her campaign to promote teen abstinence was taking off.
She had everything to live for.

But the 44-year-old Oakland woman was found dead Friday morning in her Laurel District apartment on the 3600 block of Patterson Avenue, where she lived with two daughters and grandchildren.

``We could have never seen this coming,'' said her niece, Nikki Mason.

``I just saw her two days ago. She just seemed so happy,'' said her niece, who gathered with stricken family, friends and neighbors as police investigators tried to piece together the events that led to Mason's death.

The investigation continued Friday evening. Police were searching for a suspect, Phillip White, 27, who they believed was driving the oversized, white Chevy van Mason drove that bore the slogan of her ``No Sex Policy'' teen abstinence campaign and the license plate number 4LBG301.

White, who police said is originally from Indianapolis and goes by the performance name ``Philthy Phil,'' met Mason about five years ago in Atlanta, where she lived for several years.

He was staying with Mason while visiting her, police said.

After an argument between the two Thursday night while at a Hayward nightclub on Mission and E Street, Mason returned home, packed White's belongings and set them outside her apartment, according to Sgt. Tony Jones.

Mason was killed sometime after that while her children and grandchildren

slept in their rooms, Jones said.
Police said they suspect White is trying to flee to Indianapolis or Atlanta, possibly by Greyhound bus.

Mason was liked and respected by everyone, Jones said. Here is a woman who was doing something positive in the community and she was killed, Jones added.

A licensed cosmetologist, Mason made her newly opened hair salon on 5th Avenue the headquarters for the campaign.

She often spread her message about keeping young people safe and on the right path at the weekend flea market in the Ashby BART parking lot in Berkeley, family and other community advocates recalled.

"We're all here for a purpose, but I know her purpose wasn't to go out like this,'' said nephew Anthony Stuart.

Music was Mason's other passion. She had just recorded a CD under her rap-artist name of Kali Kash, her niece said.

``I just want people to know what kind of person she was.'' Mason's death is the ninth in seven years to strike the large family, family members said.

Mason's own son was 14 when he was killed in a 2003 car crash, they said.

``She never got over the grief of her son,'' said one of seven sisters, Cynthia Mason.

Tears poured down the cheeks of sister Gale Mason as she mourned the loss of her youngest sibling.

``It will never make sense. It's like a never-ending story,'' said Stuart.

Mason returned in 2005 from Atlanta, where she had lived several years and where two of her four children live.

Neighbor Tom Slocumb called 9-1-1 about 11 a.m. after he was alerted to Mason's death by family members standing in the front of the apartment.

The sight of the coroner's van that would carry Mason's lifeless body away was too much for daughter Revlon Mason, who stormed away, a look of sadness and anger twisting her face. Family members said she found her mother's body.

``That's really her,'' cried her niece Nikki Mason, as though it were a question, as though she wished someone would tell her ``no,'' that it was all a misunderstanding.

Staff writer Angela Woodall can be reached at awoodall@angnewspapers.com.

field negro said...

wcs, thanks for sharing. That was a sad and all too common story.

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

OT:

Libby's sentence was commuted by Bush. http://www.rawstory.com

field negro said...

Thanks "chris prog." I just blogged about it.

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