it didn't bother me too much then, nothing did. I was young, self absorbed, and had a great future ahead of me. I was the "cock of the walk", on my way to a degree that would guarantee me a life time of employment, and my pick of women that could guarantee me a lifetime of companionship. Why tie myself down with the added responsibility of something as precious and as important as another human being?
So the choice was made. I was then and I still am pro choice, but that wasn't my choice to make. Had it been, I still don't know what I would have done. But she made it for me. She thought it was the right thing to do at the time. She was in school too, and she couldn't handle the pressure of motherhood, or the shame of letting down her family. (Or at least so she thought)
It's been years now, and I haven't heard from her in awhile. I always wonder what she is doing. Did the career work out? Is she someones wife, some lucky child's mother? I just want to ask her if she ever thinks about it like I do. I still don't have any children, and given my line of work, maybe it's best. The decisions I make are more objective, and they are not clouded by the emotional connections that fatherhood may bring. Still, it would have been nice. To have that responsibility, to give my parents the grandchild they never had, and to mold a young life into man or womanhood. It is the most important job that a human being can ever have, and I think I would have enjoyed the challenge.
It still might happen, but not for that child, and that is something that makes me sad too. I wonder if these father's out here realize how lucky they are. Sadly, when I look around it doesn't seem that way. They plant the seed and they move on, never bothering to look back or sharing the emotional commitment and the work that it takes to raise their child. In many ways you almost have to wish they did what I did. Because bringing a child into this environment without giving them all the tools they need, and the guidance and wisdom of fatherhood, is almost as bad as not bringing them here at all.
So happy Father's Day guys, I hope you appreciate it, I know I would have.