Monday, September 22, 2008

I sure hope the White House has a big ass garage.


Thirteen cars? Damn Mr. Morton, you could open your own used car lot. And here I thought that only brothas liked nice whips. You must have a little black in you after all. But hey, if you have seven houses I guess thirteen cars makes sense. That's almost two to a house, so no harm no foul, right? Man you should be on cribs or some shit. Thirteen cars? Are you sure you don't do a little rapping on the side Mr. Morton? For your sake I sure hope that they are all automatics, because whenever I look at you it doesn't look like you can do too much with those arms of yours, so driving a stick would be kind of difficult....oh field that was cold, that was not called for. Don't make fun of the man's limitations. Sorry, I don't know what came over me.

But seriously, do you mean to tell me that Mr. Morton couldn't have gotten rid of some of his rides before he decided to run for president? I hear that a bunch of them are over four years old. What does he need them for? Thank god the O man got rid of his Negro Bentley, also known as the Chrysler 300. (Has there ever been a car that black folks love more?) But then... come on now O man, I know you are trying to identify with the people, but a Ford Escape? You are running for president of these divided states, and you drive a Ford freaking Escape? Nothing against folks who drive Ford Escapes, but....Digression alert! Let me stop, this isn't about you, it's about Robin Leach's favorite candidate.

So anyway, among Mr. Morton's cars is a Lexus (bad Mr Morton, that is not an A-merry-can car. And didn't you say that you only drive A-merry-can cars?), a Lincoln (bad Mr. Morton, that is not an environmentally friendly car), and a 2008 Jeep Wrangler (want to trade for a slightly used one?). According to some conservatives, we should leave Mr. Morton alone, because most of his cars are over two years old and they are all inexpensive. Really? Since when is a Lexus, or a Cadillac CTS inexpensive? But even if that's true, it only makes him extravagant and stupid. Mr. Morton, if you can afford thirteen cars, you should at least invest in good ones. I hope if you are elected you don't run the country like that.

But like the houses, this too will pass. Mr. Morton can do no wrong to most A-merry-cans. Besides, with thirteen cars he can damn near relate to every A-merry-can and what they are driving. Own a Volkswagen? Mr. Morton has one. Own a Honda Accord? Mr. Morton has one. Drive a Ford F Series? Mr. Morton has one of those too. See folks, he is a regular man of the people, he has got every one of us covered. This adds a whole new meaning to the term used car salesman, doesn't it?

52 comments:

R.J. said...

Used car salesman. Yeah, he's got the integrity of one.

Has there ever been a car that black folks love more?

Where I live, Cadillac is still very popular and if I could afford one I'd get an old school Coupe de Ville in a heartbeat just so I could go cruising on the weekends.

hennasplace said...

I heard about the 13 cars today while watching Hardball today. I also know that Obama drives a Ford Hybrid SUV. Field there is nothing with driving a Ford Escape Hybrid particularly if you believe that we should use less gas. Besides, why spend all your money on a car. However, someone should give Cindy some fashion advice. If you are going to spend $3,000 on a designer dress, then you also get the dress in the color that suits your skin tone. Wearing warm colors is not the way to go for Cindy, and makes her look cheap. Well my grandmother use to tell me it doesn't matter how much you spend on clothes if they are only going to make you look cheap. Or she could just laid of the tan and bleaching her.

Bob said...

I've driven down many a rural road & seen at least 13 cars parked outside trailers. Of course, half of them were wheelless & up on blocks, & none of them looked like they ran.

Anonymous said...

This will date me, but it reminds me of when they used to ask "but would you buy a used car from him" speaking of Richard Nixon. Oh well, the young ones might not remember but I do.
Would you buy a used car from John McCain?
As for the Escape, don't knock em until you try one. They are roomy and cost efficient.

Makaii

field negro said...

Yes r.j., there is something very A-merry-can about those Cadillacs, isn't there.

"As for the Escape, don't knock em until you try one. They are roomy and cost efficient."

Oh ohh, now the Escape folks are going to come out of the wood work.:)I bet every Obamaholic is going to go out and get one.

And hennasplace, you are right, it is a hybrid, so I guess that counts for something.

LOL @ bob.

rob said...

Field, another good post bro. Here is some Mr. Morton car trivia for you. I used to live in Phoenix and we had this POS named Ev Meacham as guv. Ol' Ev was a good friend of Mr. Morton.

Ev was famous for a couple things (1)defending his use of the term "pickaninny" when referring to black children and (2)rescinding the King holiday when he took office. Mr. Morton said he thought Ev was correct and at the time agreed that the King holiday should've been rescinded.

Good luck at your race coming up. My best training tip is to incorporate some speedwork at the track. Knocking out 800m repeats will get you real quick.

culinarychick said...

Yes, this will be swept under the rug, too. Somehow, the right will say he is elitist because either:
a) since he drives an hybrid, he cannot feel the pain of the average driver, or:

b)" Don't them Hollywood snobs all drive hybrids, thinkin' that they are better than us plain old American folk?"

Personally, I've always been a fan of the old school Deuce-And-A-Quarter.

That's an Electra 225 to all of you whippersnappers out there.

You can fit a 13-member children's choir in there.

Land cruisers, my dad called them.

culinarychick said...

Oh Snap. I almost forgot

I love my people. Lord I do!

Here is a link to the "Obama Hustle," a line dance some homegirls made up.

http://www.blackbottom.com/watch.php?v=2XjJy9NsKcM

I better put on my dancin' shoes, and put down my Obama Aid so I can learn this dance.

Deedlelee

Rastamick61 said...

1994 Suburban with rust everywhere no a/c a shower radio for a system and dual Obama stickers died for good on the way to the salt mine Thursday. Now it's back to the 03 Suburban out of inspection since July needs a $1200 cat converter, driver's window is held in place by flat stick with electrical tape. Mama goes to work @7 pm til 7am we're out of wheels kids. Just let some mofo tell us how much better off we are after 8 years of this a-hole and friends.

C-dell said...

Yes this is sad that a man who is running for the office of President in this country and claims to connect with the common man in times such as these, I'd like to see him give just one of those homes to someone else who lost theirs. He doesn't and can't connect to the average american

Ellen Kimball said...

Grandpa Al and Grandma Ellen have two fully paid-off cars. Our Mercury dealer just went out of business last week, leaving a huge hulk of a gorgeous new building.

That where we bought it, and I'm still driving a 1997 Mercury Sable (almost 90,000 miles) and a 2000 Mitsubishi Eclipse (sorry, but my husband is having a senior moment!) Looks like these may be the cars we'll have for the rest of our lives.

I have to admit that Lou Dobbs gave it all he's got tonight. I couldn't tell it was Keith O. with the mustache from the 1970s. Had to turn off the sound from Rachel Maddow because someone called here.

Bill Clinton still gives me a little flutter -- he was on "The View" this morning and he said that he thinks Obama will win. (Sigh!)

Go DEMS! Go OBAMA!

Radio_Lady Ellen

http://ellenkimball@blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This story is getting some play but not nearly enough. McCain just can't seem to keep track of his lies.

Sheila

field negro said...

"Personally, I've always been a fan of the old school Deuce-And-A-Quarter.

That's an Electra 225 to all of you whippersnappers out there"

Damn, all we need now is some music from Shaft.

"1994 Suburban with rust everywhere no a/c a shower radio for a system and dual Obama stickers died for good on the way to the salt mine Thursday"

Why do I feel like I have driven behind that car before? Rastamick61, do you live in Philly?

culinarychick, please tell me your people did not invent an Obama line dance?

EzMun said...

Look Field. I couldn't care less what car or cars El Sid has. Seriously, couldn't care less than I do now. What I do care about is hypocrisy. If El Sid (Morton to you) and his people wouldn't have been trying to label the O man as an elitist this would not be a damn issue in the campaign. For the love of Mike (always wanted to say that), many of our Presidents were people with means. Ain't nothing wrong with having a bit of money unless you're the mafia.

But when a man owns 7 or 8 homes, 13 cars, a private jet, wears $500 slippers 'round the house and has a wife who wears an outfit and jewelry at the RNC worth more than the average person's home, that man should shut the hell up about other people being elitist. Especially a couple whose net worth pales by a small fraction.

As the old song goes, don't start none, won't be none.

EzMun said...

Field,

Nothing says American luxury and style like a 'lac. Got me one of them, and I wouldn't be afraid to show it even if I were running for high office. Nothing wrong with it... car's made in Detroit just like the rest of 'em.

Bob said...

Oh yeah, I'd love to have a Chrysler 300. The classic 1964 300K 2-door convertible a friend's father let me drive around town when I was 17. I had 4 girls in that car within minutes, & I didn't care that the attraction wasn't me.

sytgrl said...

Gotta 1989 Cutlass Ciera that rolls me around town fine...just hoping to get a car made in the previous DECADE before the end of the year.

On a related note, did you know that the AVERAGE pay for Goldman Sachs employees was $521,000 (and that includes secretaries). Damn, maybe I shouldn't have done all that community organizing work....

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/news/521000-the-average-pay-of-goldman-sachs-employees-173-and-that-includes-secretaries-466273.html

Brown Man said...

The Electra 225 was the first nice car we ever had.

If I remember correctly, it had those detachable sections of the rear fenders that you had to take off to change the tire.

Many a day we would hear "quit playing with them damn windows!". I thought we were rich with PUSH BUTTON windows in a car.

nyc/caribbean ragazza said...

what Ezmun said!

Morton is tripping calling anyone elitist!

ac said...

I'm driving a '97 Exploder myself. Sure I'd like something else, but this one is bought and paid for and now is NOT the time to be running up my debt - know whatta I mean?

My old employer had Hybrid Escapes as company cars. I got to drive them a time or two. They ARE surprisingly spacious. They handle well and have some get up and go. I had to take one once over a mountain pass and it took the incline just fine. Course you don't get the hybrid action when you're driving freeway, only when you're driving 40 mph and under.

Kit (Keep It Trill) said...

Betcha Cindy has as many shoes as Imelda Marcos did too.

Black Diaspora said...

Hey, Field, in my neck of the woods, middleclass begins at eight vehicles of sundry types.

Let's see: a motorcycle, maybe two, two dirt bikes, two personal water crafts, two SUVs, a sedan, a boat, a RV.

Garages for RV's are as commonplace as homes with three- and four-car garages.

I own one car. It's a 2004 Prius. I'm subsidizing at least a couple of my neighbor's SUV's.

America's addiction to oil reaches it's pinnacle here.

If the supply of oil in the world actually do dry up, the Betty Ford Center is gonna need a new wing, and franchisees to take care of the millions who are gonna need help getting the oil monkey off their back.

O'Gurl said...

Pet peeve:

When Mr. Morton says, "My friends" over and over in his speeches -- it just *really* gets on my last nerve. We aren't friends.

Owning 13 cars says: "I don't care about the environment."

Christopher said...

I blogged this on Sunday.

The Old Coot and his meal ticket has a lot of garages to fill, ya' know.

I just loved how the plates on Cindy Lou's Lexus read "MS BUD." They should read, "MS ICE BITCH."

As to the Old Coot telling everyone he only drives American cars, that's just another lie. Honda and Toyota aren't American, although there's nothing wrong with owning either.

field negro said...

"When Mr. Morton says, "My friends" over and over in his speeches -- it just *really* gets on my last nerve. We aren't friends."

trill, the cindy shoe count woulld be close. But I am not sure if that's a loser for her. A-merry-can women looooove their shoes.

sytgirl, hang on to that Olds. They were good cars.

o'gurl, that makes two of us.

black diaspora, you must live in Cali or Florida. I am guessing somewhere where the weather is always nice.

"I own one car. It's a 2004 Prius. I'm subsidizing at least a couple of my neighbor's SUV's."

I swear, nothing says status more than a Prius these days.


And chris, you are right. the most important part of this story; that Mr. Morton lied about not owning a foreign car.

Black Diaspora said...

black diaspora, you must live in Cali or Florida. I am guessing somewhere where the weather is always nice.

You're right.

Jody said...

I own walking shoes, a pocket full of tokens, and a membership to Philly Car Share. Like Senator Biden, I am a Commuter. I want a president that would make my wonderful options of getting around available to the entire country. Anyone who owns 13 cars and is from a state where people think mass transportation is 2 people in a car, is not gonna make that a priority. Not only does Obama own 1 car, being from Chicago, he has actually seen how important mass transportation is and how it works.
Yet, another reason for Obama/Biden 08!

Jody said...

OT.... this from friggin George Will!

"It is arguable that, because of his inexperience, Obama is not ready for the presidency. It is arguable that McCain, because of his boiling moralism and bottomless reservoir of certitudes, is not suited to the presidency. Unreadiness can be corrected, although perhaps at great cost, by experience. Can a dismaying temperament be fixed?"

La ~ Incognita said...

"Nothing against folks who drive Ford Escapes

Look Field, you better leave the "Fix Or Repair Daily" alone. I have one ok. Yes, I passed up my previous Acura for it, like an idiot. Well at least you should have more respect for us. We are patriotic people!


As for the 13 cars and 7 houses, don't even think that will do much deterrence. Even the lower class anti-Obama folks will try to trick themselves into thinking they need materialistic hope, and someone with it to look up to.

NSangoma said...

~
Negroe, have you no shame?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np8IAoP8B4M

As the old folks used to say:

Ummmph!, ummmph, ummmph.

Ummmph-a-ummmph!; Ummmph, ummmph, ummmph.

http://www.lloydmarcus.net/
`

false1 said...

Turns out that Chrysler 300 was designed by a brother, a Haitian American no less, by the name of Ralph Gilles.No wonder the car's so popular in our community.

EzMun said...

Ya'll,

Not sure if you saw Chris Rock on Letterman last night. He was on after Bill Clinton. He got all into Clinton ... after Clinton left.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsep_xcWOQ8

rubenh (thesocialreformer.com) said...

Lol mccain is a baller

culinarychick said...

culinarychick, please tell me your people did not invent an Obama line dance?

Yes we did; y'all!
google obama hustle detroit.

sharon said...

I guess I'm the oddball here. I have a 2002 Subaru Outback Sport that I can sometimes squeeze 30mpg out of in the summertime. You'd understand if you could see the hill I used to have to drive up in the northwest corner of CT a couple of years ago. I'd like to have something more economical gas-wise, but I can't afford to drop this loan and go into a new one, and I can't pay cash.

Shazzasharona said...

Field, did you notice that Newsweek, when referring to BO's Chrysler, brought up 50 Cents as someone who also likes the 300? Did I miss something? When were Barack & Fitty hanging out together?

*SMH*

kathy said...

My favorite car was the 1980 Camaro, everyone had one, all the parts were interchangeable from older models, so you could just go to the dump and find a part if you needed one. Only problems was, a hot car like that with me driving, we got pulled over by the cops for nothing way too many times. The best was when I got pulled over after a dentist appointment, and my face was lopsided, the cop looked at me like I was a blonde hag, and kept going.

Admiral Komack said...

"I've driven down many a rural road & seen at least 13 cars parked outside trailers. Of course, half of them were wheelless & up on blocks, & none of them looked like they ran."

-Hey now!

Those people are bitter ('cause the cars don't run), clutching their guns ('cause they WILL shoot you if you touch their cars) and religion (praying they can get parts).

Zimbel said...

OT:I remember your claim that white people love their pets. Perhaps this Humane Society Legislative Fund Endorses Obama-Biden will move some votes.

Excerpts:

"While we've endorsed hundreds of congressional candidates for election, both Democrats and Republicans, we've never before endorsed a presidential candidate."

"I'm proud to announce today that the HSLF board of directors -- which is comprised of both Democrats and Republicans -- has voted unanimously to endorse Barack Obama for President."

" In the U.S. Senate, {Obama} has consistently co-sponsored multiple bills to combat animal fighting and horse slaughter, and has supported efforts to increase funding for adequate enforcement of the Animal Welfare Act, Humane Methods of Slaughter Act, and federal laws to combat animal fighting and puppy mills. "

"Biden has not only supported animal protection legislation during his career, but has also led the fight on important issues."

"Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) has also supported some animal protection bills in Congress, but has been inattentive or opposed to others."

"Gov. Sarah Palin's (R-Alaska) retrograde policies on animal welfare and conservation have led to an all-out war on Alaska's wolves and other creatures. Her record is so extreme that she has perhaps done more harm to animals than any other current governor in the United States."

Yeah, they hate Palin, with a vengeance.

Don said...

Mr. Morton apparently is trying his best to improve the economy, what other logical explanation would there be? Well, besides the one you gave.

Too funny @ calling the 300 series the Negro Bentley. Good call, actually.

rikyrah said...

I want a Caddy. Yeah, a Black woman who wants a Cadillac.

Hey, it's an American car, at least.

If McAncient would STOP LYING, nobody would bring it up. but, have 13 fucking cars AND lie about 'buying American' - GMAFB.

A Go Bytch said...

....hmmmm quite interesting..I mean no doubt the man is paid. You don't expect an average American to be in these postions do you? If you could afford more would you only have 1? I'm just asking I would have min. 3 (smile)

Go B.

blackgirlinmaine said...

A man with 13 running cars (since its hardly as if McNasty's car are out in the back up on blocks) and 7-8 houses is in no position to be calling anyone elitist.

@ Rikyrah, that makes 2 of us, I still like Caddies myself. Sadly we are a 1 car family and its a old rusty Nissan.

Anonymous said...

The real question is how many tanks does he own. I think he's grounded from the fighter jets.

szpork

rainywalker said...

Maybe Jay Leno can give Mr. Morton a hand with the cars. I went and got my "O" Man window poster today [the commies don't allow them in the yard] and ran into a rasist. Damn and I thought I used to be a nasty Bastard! I had to look up all the words except the "N" one.

field negro said...

"OT:I remember your claim that white people love their pets. Perhaps this Humane Society Legislative Fund Endorses Obama-Biden will move some votes.

Oh Lawd, Mr. Morton better watch out.

Jibreel Riley said...

I like Buick's myself, easier to drive white folks around with. They try to keep low key ya know... They tell me not to spend my cash on 40's oz and fried chicken.

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