Thursday, June 11, 2020

The letter.

TWEET MEI saw this letter and I wanted to share it with my well meaning white friends who want to feel like they have a role to play in our struggle.

It was written by a young lady of color to her now former white friend. 

"Dear Former White Friend, 

I hope this letter finds you well. In fact, based on your Instagram posts, I know it will. Congratulations on your engagement, trips to Vegas, and margarita brunches. They sure look fun. 

You’re someone who I once knew quite well, someone I would’ve called a close friend. We went to school together, and we used to work together. You used to stay at my house every weekend, where my Black family fed you, cared for you, and loved you like one of our own. You cried into my arms when your boyfriend dumped you and you were certain you would never love again. You confided in me about your mental health issues and thanked me when I helped you find a therapist. I remember the time I slept in your guest room after a fight with my parents, or when you stayed up all night to help me study for that AP exam, or when you held my hair after I got too sick in college.

We haven’t seen much of each other in recent years. It may seem out of the blue, then, that I’m writing to you, but I have a question I’m hoping you’ll answer: do you believe Black lives matter

It seems like the sort of question a Black woman should not have to ask her friends, whether past or present. I would like to assume that anyone who was close to me would believe in the basic rights of Black people like myself. Yet, over the years, through all your Facebook and Instagram posts about CrossFit and Cabo San Lucas, I have noticed the distinct absence of any comments on the prolific murders of Black people in America. Not just noticed, felt. You have gone through the trouble of documenting each of your breakfasts, but you have never documented your outrage at the men and women who are lynched in the streets. 

You may be thinking that by no means does your silence indicate a denial of my human right to exist. You may simply not like politics or reading the news, and think that participating in the discourse of the day is not fun. If this is the case, I envy you.

I envy your blind confidence, your total assurance that no matter the law, uprising, or murder, nothing in the news is worth speaking out on, as it will likely not impact your white life. What bliss it must be to be so sure of your place in the world.  

Maybe, somehow, you forgot that I am Black. You did say that you don’t see color; you just prefer to date only white guys. You said I don’t act like what you believe Black people act like; I speak so eloquently, I love indie music, I read Jane Austen. But I will remind you now that I am Black. That my family is. That my grandparents were terrorized in their own hometowns. That my ancestors picked cotton until blood ran red from their fingers. That people who look like me lived and died against their will to make life easier for people like you. Their lives did not matter in America. They were three-fifths a man. They were commodities. They were disposable. So do you think I am disposable, too? Is that why you will not say Black lives matter? 

You may be thinking that I’ve gotten too radical. Maybe you miss the old me, the one who went along with your jokes. The one who you used to call Collardgreenisha and LaQuesha because you saw those names in a YouTube video and thought they were funny, even though she asked you to stop. The one whose skin you loved to touch and whose ass you would grope under her clothes even when she would pull away. The one who you said the n-word in front of that one time by accident, but she totally forgave you, right? You must have gotten sick of this new me, who is always posting about politics. This new me doesn’t go along with the jokes. She’s no fun. It is no fun to stand for Black lives.

I am fine with us not being friends anymore, truly; being friends with someone who denies Blackness is exhausting. I am happy to no longer be your Black doll, posable and able to fit into your white life, and tossed to the bottom of your toy bin when you got bored. Have you heard of James Baldwin? He wrote, the white world is too powerful, too complacent, too ready with gratuitous humiliation, and, above all, too ignorant and too innocent.” He was right. Therefore, this letter is not an invitation for friendship. This letter is a request. This letter is a plea. This letter is a tombstone. 

We will never be friends again, but I am certain you will meet more Black people. I am certain you know them now. They may seem to be fine. They may smile. They may still comment on your posts. They may still be coming to Zoom brunch next week.

But they are a placid sea concealing a riptide. They are infected with a terror, anger, and numbness that can only be contracted from the experience of being Black in America. They hear your silence. They hear that you have not said that you believe their lives matter. They are not fine.

But they are a placid sea concealing a riptide. They are infected with a terror, anger, and numbness that can only be contracted from the experience of being Black in America. They hear your silence. They hear that you have not said that you believe their lives matter. They are not fine.

Writing this letter makes me angry. I’m angry that you, who had as much choice in your birth, appearance, and hair texture as I did, will never have to write a letter like this. You will never question if your life matters. You will never wonder what it would be like to meet someone who still, decades later, believes you are really only three-fifths of a person. You will never know the terror of getting a phone call that your brother was harassed by the police in front of your childhood home. You will never feel the humiliation of being called the n-word on your morning subway commute.

But I am not allowed to be angry here. Not in America. I must be calm instead—otherwise I will scare you, and you may call the police. 

You may never say Black lives matter. Maybe it is for the reasons I have already said, or maybe it is because, deep inside of you, in places you do not dare to acknowledge, you do not truly believe Black lives matter. Even still, I will not let my heart harden to you, although I want to. I want to let it crystalize with rage, to let it toughen into something impenetrable. But I must let my heart be permeable and transparent—not for your sake, but mine. I will let my inherent need and desire to be acknowledged and be seen by all. I will allow a vulnerability that is only possible when my heart is free of parasitic hatred. And I will know, with blind assurance, that I matter. That we matter. 

It is with that that I once again ask you: will you say Black lives matter? 

Sincerely, 

Your Former Black Friend" [Link]

Powerful stuff. But if you really want to understand and relate to our struggle, you have to try to understand this letter. 

Stay safe everybody. 

 

238 comments:

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PilotX said...

"Why would people be afraid of groups that explicitly endorse the use of violence and rioted, looted, and set fires in 50 US cities lat week?"

You mean right wing groups masquerading as Antifa? You are correct.

Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

From Crooks & Liars today....

'Boogaloo Boi' Eager For Civil War Arrested For Shooting 2 Deputies In Santa Cruz County
Steven Carrillo is also the primary suspect in the shootings of two federal protective services officers (one of whom died) last month in Oakland during street protests over the killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis.
Jun 14, 2020
By David Neiwert

Anonymous said...

If you seriously believe that “Actual Fascism” reigns supreme in America as of June 2020, you are probably the one who needs an emotional wellness check. Assuming this reflects your true beliefs, however, you should probably get off Field Negro and man the barricades

PilotX said...

"Black fragility is a very real but understudied phenomenon."

Ha! Dealing with slavery, brutality, james crow, discrimination.....yeah real fragile. White males like trump can't even handle hard truth. You couldn't handle 1/10th of what Blah people have dealt with.

Anonymous said...

"You mean right wing groups masquerading as Antifa? You are correct."

Leftist thugs set fire to America - "Right wingers did this!"

Thanks for the Official Moron take.

Anonymous said...

PilotX said...
"Ha! Dealing with slavery, brutality, james crow, discrimination....."

None of which you've actually dealt with.

You're such a pussy.

Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

Ha! Dealing with slavery, brutality, james crow, discrimination.....yeah real fragile. White males like trump can't even handle hard truth. You couldn't handle 1/10th of what Blah people have dealt with.

3:48 PM
---------------
Once again PilotX speaks the plain truth. If Blacks were fragile, they wouldn't be alive here in our society.

The Talk said...

Black people need to have a talk with their children.

1. Don't break the law, it's not worth it.
2. The police are there to enforce the law.
3. Being arrested is not being convicted.
4. Resisting arrest will only make things worse.
5. Violently resisting arrest is a felony that you will be convicted of.
6. Attacking a police officer is likely to get you killed.

Reality upside the head said...

"You couldn't handle 1/10th of what Blah people have dealt with."

What blah people have to deal with is mostly just living around other blah people.

Slim Shady said...

You can’t swing on a cop then attempt to tase them... that’s basically suicide if you ask me.

I've been pretty drunk in my life... I've never been that drunk.

I've had some pretty negative interactions with the police... never once did I consider trying to fight my out of the situation.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

How to Not Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police said...

The Talk said...
"Black people need to have a talk with their children."

Chris Rock already made this handy instructional video:

https://youtu.be/OEvMc-K8XHY

dinthebeast said...

"If someone kidnapped your child and sold them, where would you want us to put the statue of that person?"
(h/t: agirlhasopresident)

-Doug in Sugar Pine

PilotX said...

"None of which you've actually dealt with."

And what have you dealt with?

PilotX said...

"You're such a pussy."

Ha! Sure thing internet tough guy.

PilotX said...

"What blah people have to deal with is mostly just living around other blah people."

What are white people dealing with?

PilotX said...

"Black people need to have a talk with their children."

And Mr. White guy how exactly do you know what Blah people need to do? That's highly arrogant of ya. I forget, you know everything.

Jacob Franks said...

"If someone kidnapped your child and sold them, where would you want us to put the statue of that person?"

Tel Aviv

White Man said...

"What are white people dealing with?"

Living around low impulse control people is a burden, as is getting blamed for their criminality.

PilotX said...

"Living around low impulse control people is a burden, as is getting blamed for their criminality."

Yeah, white crime is a problem. Glad you admitted to such.

Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

Anonymous said...

Why would people be afraid of groups that explicitly endorse the use of violence and rioted, looted, and set fires in 50 US cities lat week?

Crazy!

3:42 PM
-----------------
I can't peak for others but as for me, I am afraid of the white supremacists especially "Unite the Right" and the "Boogaloo Boys." They actually kill people.

Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

The Talk said...

Black people need to have a talk with their children.
---------------------
How are you qualified to tell black people what they should tell their children? Are you black? A sociologist?

PilotX said...

"How are you qualified to tell black people what they should tell their children? Are you black? A sociologist?"

Nope, she's not. I should tell my kids to study hard in school, get good grades, get degrees so racists can demean them by saying the only reason they're successful is because of affirmative action. Yeah, there's some real motivation.🤔

PilotX said...

I've got some good advice for poor and unsuccessful whites and what they should tell their kids.

Anonymous said...

"Dealing with slavery, brutality, james crow, discrimination.....yeah real fragile."

Nobody within 4 generations of you was a slave in America.

You've never been faced with brutality.

Ditto Jim Crow.  It was gone before you were born.

The only discrimination you face is IN YOUR FAVOR.

Yet you still whine.  That's fragility, all right.

Anonymous said...

You mean right wing groups masquerading as Antifa?

After the vicious treatment given to the Proud Boys and Unite The Right, this clown thinks that any right-wing groups could get away with that.

You. Are. All. Insane.

Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

Anonymous said...

You mean right wing groups masquerading as Antifa?

After the vicious treatment given to the Proud Boys and Unite The Right, this clown thinks that any right-wing groups could get away with that.

You. Are. All. Insane.

11:13 PM
-------------------
Oh sure, we are insane! But newspapers and the MSM are reporting incidents of alt-right groups setting fires and shooting people around the nation. But you will never admit to it. You will talk about "fake news" echoing the words of your adored president/leader.

Anonymous said...

newspapers and the MSM are reporting incidents of alt-right groups setting fires and shooting people around the nation.

This is why they are Fake News.

Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

Anonymous said......


This is why they are Fake News.

11:52 AM

Yeah, right. People just imagined them and the fires aren't real. LOL
You can't stick your head in the sand forever.

PilotX said...

"Nobody within 4 generations of you was a slave in America."

But when slavery ended then began the terror campaign to keep Blah folks in their place.

PilotX said...

"Ditto Jim Crow. It was gone before you were born."

You're right. I'm the FIRST generation without legaized discrimination. My parents saw it firsthand. My dad was the same age as Emmitt Till. On the otherhand you and your relatives had everything in your favor for 400 years and yet you bitch. Now THAT'S fragility.

Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

Anonymous said...

Why would people be afraid of groups that explicitly endorse the use of violence and rioted, looted, and set fires in 50 US cities lat week?

Crazy!
----------------
Yes the Proud Boys, the Boogaloo Boys, the Incels, etc are pretty frightening.

PilotX said...

"Yes the Proud Boys, the Boogaloo Boys, the Incels, etc are pretty frightening."

Not really, a bunch of punks.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, right. People just imagined them and the fires aren't real.

The fires are real, the "right-wingers" are fake.  The arsons and vandalisms are false-flag events from ANTIFA.  ANTIFA has Democratic government backing, as they had in Charlottesville.  No actual right-wing groups could operate in Minneapolis or Seattle or any other Blue stronghold.

The Fake News is obvious.  Duncan Lemp was shot dead from OUTSIDE his house while sleeping in his bed, and his pregnant girlfriend was wounded.  The police said he "confronted" them.  To be any more fake, Fake News would just republish the PD press release.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/lawyer-man-asleep-police-fired-house-killing-69587748

PilotX said...

"The arsons and vandalisms are false-flag events from ANTIFA. ANTIFA has Democratic government backing, as they had in Charlottesville."


Sure kid. Big foot and Nessie are real too. Just because you believe something doesn't make it true.

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Gambler2 ASKA White Woman said...

From today's Daily Beast.....

Six men who were recently arrested across the United States had one thing in common: all were members of Facebook groups for the “Boogaloo” movement, and had allegedly used those groups to threaten or plan violence.

The Boogaloo is a meme-turned-ideology of loosely affiliated right-wing and libertarian types focused on explicit violence in the name of starting a second civil war. Over the past month, feds have busted six alleged members of the movement, charging three in a failed scheme to start violence at protests, two in the shooting of a pair of federal security officers, and one for an illegal steroid business. All six were members or moderators of Boogaloo Facebook groups, sometimes even posting on the same pages.
----------------
I suppose that within a few minutes, alt-right trolls will be here declaring this as "Fake News." Seems anything that they or their fuhrer don't want to hear or see is "Fake News."

-------------

Anonymous said...

TRUMP 2020!!

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