With all the jigging and cooning in America of late, I find myself having to once again call out the sellouts and slave catchers among us. I have made some changes to how I rate them, though, because this kind of coonery , and who is doing it, tends to be very fluid in America these days.
So, without further ado, I give you the House Negro Power Rankings.
10. Marcellus Wiley: "It was all a dream" to visit Donald Trump? Glad your dream came through for you there big guy, but he will do nothing for you, and your reputation is shot. I hope it was worth it.
9. Tim Scott: The only reason this Negro is so far down in the power rankings is because he hasn't made any news of late. But Timmy is, and will always be, a top tier house Negro.
8. Byron Donalds: Byron, like Tim, hasn't been in the news much of late, but he has made cooning an art form. The folks at FAMU have got to be embarrassed every time they see this dude jigging for dollars.
7. Eric Adams: Hawk Newsome called him "a "white man in black face". Eric has been embarrassing himself and the people of New York for the past few years. He is now beholden to Donald Trump, because were it not for him he would be facing jail time.
6. Candace Owens: No explanation needed. For the past few weeks she has been trying to stay relevant by picking fights with various MAGA factions. Candace is the Queen of Coons. Her unrelenting commitment to jigging will put her in the House Negro Hall of Fame one day.
5. Clarence Thomas: Speaking of House Negro Hall of Fame. Uncle Clarence will have his own wing in that bad boy. His dedication to the destruction of black folks in America is unparalleled.
4. Van Jones: This is a sneaky one, because every now and then he tries to hide his cooning. You can't fool us, Van. The Field Negro coon detector is unmatched.
3. Sage Steele/Terrence K. Williams: (Tie) Sage is a talentless has-been who thought she would launch a second act of her career by becoming Candace Owns light. Well if becoming a sellout was her goal it worked. Terrence is not as well known as some of the others on this list, but his jigging knows no bounds. The MAGA crowd loves him, because he is the type of black man who would tell jokes and dance at a lynching. I am not sure this is true, but I heard that he opened up a head patting booth at the Turning Point USA convention.
2. Stephen A. Smith: This dude figured he would take his rants and silly sports takes into the world of politics by criticizing black leaders and politicians. Lately he has been chumming it up with his pals over at FOX and playing the good Negro, much to their delight.
1. Tricky Minaj: Nicki is number one this week. Sadly, she sold her soul in order to grift a pardon out of Donald J. Trump. Imagine building your entire career on the backs of a particular group of people, and then appear at a function and show love to a group of people who wants to destroy the very people who got you where you are today. The good news is that she will have to give away tickets to her next show, and she has lost over ten million instagram followers. I hope it was worth it Ms. Tricky.
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