Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Jimmy's Dad.


I really wasn't going to post tonight, but I just got home from the viewing of a very dear friend's father, who was suddenly taken away from him compliments of a massive heart attack.

So for this post, I guess I am going to be blogging in a traditional sense.

Anyway, the viewing was in this rough working class Irish neighborhood here in Philly, and I was literally the only black guy in the funeral home. Now before you go thinking; oh oh, here comes the field with another one of his racial rants and observations, you are wrong. Everyone there could not have been nicer and more cordial to the field, and other than the fact that I don't like funerals, I did not feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.

But before I tell you about the funeral, let me give you some background:-There goes the traditional blogging, I knew it couldn't last- When I heard that Ji....f**k it, I am going to use his real name-I don't think he would mind, besides, he doesn't read this blog anyway-Jimmy's dad had passed, at first I didn't know what to think. I knew how close Jimmy and his dad were, and I knew he would be devastated. After all, the man was just in his mid sixties for crying out loud, and had just retired from his government job with the city of Philadelphia. The poor guy was just starting to enjoy his retirement with his wife and grand children, when the grim reaper came knocking.

So I really felt bad for my good friend Jimmy when I heard the news. And yes, half German half Irish Jimmy, is my good friend. Many of my previous posts about having white friends who tell you what white people really think are based on my relationship with Jim. He is probably the most honest friend-black or white-that I have. I say this because he told me how he has struggled with his own racism, how growing up with his dad, an open racist, he would often hear the "N" word dropped in his home, not to mention the disparaging comments about people like Martin Luther King and other black leaders when they would appear on the family television. Jimmy credits going away to college and being able to escape his typical working class neighborhood for his enlightenment on matters of race. That, and meeting black people in both his college and professional life. People, who made him realize that the things he heard from his father growing up weren't true, and certainly didn't apply to all black people. Still, it was, and I suspect, still is, a struggle for him. Yet, when I first came to Philly some fifteen years ago, all alone and knowing no one, he was the first person -black or white- to reach out to me, and invite me into his home. I played outside with his kids and hung out and crashed on his sofa, and never thought anything of it. So I will always have nothing but love for my man Jimmy. And in those reflective moments when he felt like talking, he would open up to me about his struggle to truly trying to become a better person, and looking past the race of an individual. He has no idea how much I respected and appreciated that, because his honesty made me realize that he was sincere. And sincerity is always a good jumping off point to a good friendship. I have always thought that the main problem with race relations in America is the lack of honesty, and sincerity-especially from the majority side- The other stuff due to our similarities made it easy for us to get along. We are both, I guess you could say, your typical testosterone filled alpha males, who played college sports, and love hanging out every now and then. We share a lot of crass jokes and talk about the silly nonsensical things that guys tend to talk about amongst each other. But don't get it twisted, at the end of the day, I do understand who American values more, and I suspect that Jimmy does too. Remember that old Chris Rock joke? No one in the audience would trade places with him "...and I am rich". Unfortunately for Chris, he was still black, and everyone in the audience was kind of just sticking that "white thing" out. But I digress-damn field, can't you post just once without preaching about race? Hey, I almost made it-


Now as I leaned over and looked at Jim's dad in his coffin, I said a little prayer for him. And looking at him all made up, and wearing I suspect his favorite suit, eyes closed in eternal sleep, the irony wasn't lost on me. Here I was, praying over a man who spent all his life hating- for whatever reason -people who looked like me, and hoping that he would find peace in wherever the after life took him. Our only connection was his son, and our inextricable link to a city that I love and I suspect he loved as well. Jimmy, standing in the reception line with his wife and the rest of his family was watching me intently, and I am sure that the irony wasn't lost on him either. So I prayed for the old guy. Prayed that he would somehow make it up to heaven, -even though I suspect that if there is one, he won't. But hey, it's worth a shot- and prayed for his poor wife and his family, and all those who will have to carry on without him.

It was so weired in that packed room with all those people and family members coming to pay their respects. Respects to a man who had stayed with his wife, raised his family, and kept his roots in his community and contributed to the well being of his city. This is one reason I suspect that he disliked my people, because he thought that we were the very antithesis of what he represented. But if the poor guy had taken the time to try, he would have seen that there are many black grandfathers all over the city who are just like him. Who, if he had reached out like his son had, he probably would have been able to change his thinking and his heart. Then, maybe the field's prayers to whoever was listening to spare his soul, wouldn't fall on deaf ears.

10 comments:

Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden said...

12 06 06

Hey FN:
Good post. I value honesty in relationships. It is valuable to have such interactions. One thing I learned is that God sends us our friends:) How strange that you prayed for the racist guys' soul and went to his funeral! But that shows that you are embracing forgiveness and lovingkindness which are paramount imho.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts:)

Tasha said...

Field, this is a great post. It's a beautiful thing that you can be friends with someone who has openly struggled with matters of race. Him struggling is a sign that he wants to break the cycle of pre-judgement and intolerance in his family.

I'm glad you prayed for the man's soul. It's always a wonderful thing to see a person pray for and forgive in these types of situations. It comes down to the elementary understanding that behind all the hate, he was still a man with a beating heart, a soul, and a family that he loved. In many respects, he's not unlike the rest of us...just replace that hatred with the anger that so many of our people live with.

Nice to see you were able to observe and take note of the irony in the situation, but keep it quiet with prayer long enough to allow the man's soul be welcomed by God.

konagod said...

This was indeed a great post. And by attending the funeral and showing such forgiveness you clearly proved him wrong, whether or not he'll ever know it.

we saw that... said...

thanks fn. while we really cant add anything more than your eloquent commentators above have said other than that its important that we all pray for each other regardless of what others think of us because take jimmys dad for instance -- as we look back at the history of the world and we humans that exist on it there is pretty good odds that our individual ancestors somewhere and at some point in history crossed paths with each other. some might have been best friends and partners. some might have even been lovers. while of course there is no way of knowing all this for sure, we do know that one day, all will be revealed and made clear to us and that all of us, will stand together, before god and give an account of ourselves.

Anonymous said...

~

Lorraine said...

cheap wedding gowns
discount bridal gowns
China wedding dresses
discount designer wedding dresses
China wedding online store
plus size wedding dresses
cheap informal wedding dresses
junior bridesmaid dresses
cheap bridesmaid dresses
maternity bridesmaid dresses
discount flower girl gowns
cheap prom dresses
party dresses
evening dresses
mother of the bride dresses
special occasion dresses
cheap quinceanera dresses
hot red wedding dresses

Anonymous said...

Replica Handbags
Fake Handbags
Knockoff Handbags

Replica Louis Vuitton Handbags
Replica Gucci Handbags
Replica Chanel Handbags
Prada Handbags
Replica Fendi Handbags
Replica Dolce Gabbana Handbags
Replica Chloe Handbags
Replica Jimmy Choo Handbags
Replica Thomas Wylde Handbags
Replica MiuMiu Handbags

Replica Balenciaga Handbags
Replica Coach Handbags
Replica Lancel Handbags
Replica Hermes Handbags
Replica Marc Jacobs Handbags
Replica Anya Hindmarch Handbags
Replica YSL Handbags
Replica Mulberry Handbags
Replica Givenchy Handbags
Replica Valentino Handbags
Replica Versace Handbags
Replica Cartier Handbags
Replica Marni Handbags
Replica Bottega Veneta Handbags
Replica Loewe Handbags
Replica Kooba Handbags

Replica Bally Handbags
Replica Burberry Handbags
Replica Christian Dior Handbags
Replica Juicy Couture Handbags
Replica Ferragamo Handbags
Replica Celine Handbags

Anonymous said...

For information and products relating to height increase or footcare please visit HEELSNCLEAVAGE

HEEL LIFT

HEIGHT INCREASE INSOLES

SHOE INSERTS

SHOES INSOLES

BRAS

HEEL PADS

SHOE INSOLE

INCREASE MY HEIGHT

INCREASE YOUR HEIGHT

NIPPLE COVERS

freefun0616 said...

酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店經紀,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店工作,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,

,

Anonymous said...

A pair of high-quality replica handbags can display the lively character of a successful man. Many successful men will choose the right pair of shoes to match different occasions. If you are a life lover and know how to develop your taste, louis vuitton handbags must be a perfect choice for you. There are many different colors for you, such as pan-black, black and brown. It is more suitable for wearing in informal occasions. Compared with the same providers, we also fix the cheapest price for it. So the louis vuitton bags will satisfy you. And your friends who want to owe a pair of lv .