Friday, February 23, 2007

Condi In The Fields

Everyone knows that the field is a serious journalist. That's right the field is not just another angry black man who is always ranting on his blog to a few of his closest friends. No folks, from time to time the field gets the serious interview. He has interviewed the President, and the former Secretary of State. So is it any surprise that our current Secretary of State decided to pay the field a visit out here in the fields? Heck I feel like Barbara Walters and Ed Bradley all rolled into one.

Anyway here is how our little chat went down:

FN: Madam Secretary, welcome to the fields. I am glad you decided to grant me this interview, I know I have been tough on you in the past...
CR: No problem field, I understand that you have your frustrations particularly with the war effort and how it's going.
FN: Let me say before we even get started that you are much more attractive in person, and I apologize for calling you the "bad perm lady" in the past. I hope that didn't sound too sexist.
CR: No field not at all, in fact, I am quite flattered.
FN:~~~~Mmmm The Secretary and the Field Negro~~~~
CR: I am sorry field did you say something?
FN: Ahhh no, I was just thinking about something. So Madam Secretary, now that it's pretty much a known fact that Iraq is a total disaster, do you feel at all responsible for not doing a better job of advising the fra..I mean the President about what a colossal foreign policy blunder he was getting into?
CR: No field I don't. Because given the intelligence we had at the time, I think invading Iraq was the proper thing to do.
FN: But why? They had nothing to do with 911. They are, in fact, or they were, a secular country that was run by the Baathist party. And, most important of all, they were not a threat to our country.
CR: Yes field, but Saddam had been warned time and time again to stop his nuclear program and he didn't. He needed to be stopped.
FN: But Iran and North Korea are much farther along with their uranium enrichment programs, and we have not gone after them. In fact, we have reengaged North Korea in talks, and some would even argue that we have made more concessions to them than we did before.
CR: Now now field, it's not that simple. We had to let at least a part of the axis of evil know that we were serious. So we took action against the country that we thought was the biggest threat based on the intelligence we had at the time.
FN: Yeah but haven't we emboldened both of those countries because they now know that we are tied down in Iraq?
CR: No field we have not, those countries were dangerous to begin with, and by invading Iraq we let them know that we mean business.
FN: They were? Then why did they both speed up their nuclear programs only after we invaded Iraq? In fact, Iran said that they got serious about making sure they had a nuclear threat because we invaded Iraq. And I am sure the North Koreans used that as a justification for accelerating their nuclear program as well. Countering American aggression.
CR: No field that's simply not true, those people in Iraq were bad to begin with so something had to be done.
FN: Speaking of bad people, do you think it was right for Vice President Cheney to literally call out the Chinese while visiting Australia the other day?
CR: Well field I wouldn't exactly say he called them out.
FN: He didn't? He damn near told them that by pursuing their satellite weapons program they are lying about seeking peace.
CR: Well Dick can be someone abrasive.
FN: I'll say and didn't he insult the democrats while on foreign soil by suggesting that their plan for Iraq would make the terrorist happy?
CR: He might have said something to that effect, but that's Dick he speaks his mind.
FN: Let me ask you about your peace plan for the Middle East. It would seem that lately it has not been going so well.
CR: What do you mean by that field?
FN: Well we had a war in Lebanon, the Palestinians are fighting among themselves and the Israelis are feeling more vulnerable than ever.
CR: No field your assumptions are not true, we are actually making progress over there. Just the other day I brought the Israeli PM, Ehud Olmert, and Mahmoud Abbas together.
FN: Yeah but didn't those talks break off?
CR: Yes they did, but you know what field, at least they started talking.
FN: Yeah but half of the Palestinian people don't even consider Abbas and the Fattah party legitimate. They support Hammas. Shouldn't you be working to bring those parties together too?
CR: No field we consider the Fattah party the legitimate party of the Palestinian people.
FN: But what gives you and the "decider" the right to decide what is right for those people?
CR: Field we are America, our job is to spread freedom throughout the world.
FN: Yeah, but what if those people don't want your freedom?
CR: Field, don't be ridiculous, who wouldn't want our form of freedom?
FN: Ok...well let me ask you a more personal question: The republicans are trying to draft you to run for President. Have you considered it?
CR: No field, one black person running is enough for one Presidential cycle.
FN: Yeah I guess you are right, but the republicans are serious about drafting you. I think they might actually vote for you.
CR: Now field don't be silly, you see what happened to Colin didn't you. Sometimes you can't believe the hype, I would never make it out of the primary.
FN: Yeah I guess you wouldn't play too well in South Carolina.
CR: But it's flattering to be considered for such a high honor.
FN: Yeah I guess. Now I asked you the good, now I have to ask you about the bad: What about the infamous shopping spree while our people were drowning in New Orleans?
CR: Field that was way over blown, as soon as I found out how serious Katrina was, I got the hell out of that department store.
FN: Well how about Darfur? Why is this administration not putting more pressure on other African nations, and the UN to do something about the crisis in Darfur?
CR: Honestly, field, Darfur does bother me. After all, those are my people over there, and it gets to me on a personal level. But unfortunately, that is not our priority right now, we are more focused on the situation in Iraq and the Middle East.
FN: Finally Madam Secretary, I must ask you, are the rumors about you and a certain Canadian government official true? Are you two really an item?
CR: Now now field, what happens in Georgetown stays in Georgetown.
FN: Hey, I am, not mad at you, we all have to get our freak on.
CR: Stop it field, you are making me blush.


DivineLavender said...

Field...I HEART YOU! I needed that joyful interview with you and Condi early in the morning-early SATURDAY morning at that!

Oh yeah...I am first.....Hope my AVATAR is PG 13 and suitable for your family to see!


I am not Star Jones said...

You forgot to ask her where she is going to go to escape being brought up on treason charges after leaving her post as Secretary.

Cynthia said...

This is good.

I wish you would have asked her about the rumor of her and old GW.

field said...

Cynthia, if I did that, she would never come back to the fields :)

rikyrah said...

This was hilarious. Thank you. I needed this.

You cracked me up.

I will have to say that though Frat Boy isn't as good as Shrub, it's on the same team.

PS- you were too soft on her..LOL

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