Friday, December 07, 2007

I am going to go ahead share something with you.


I get a manicure at least twice a month. Mrs. Field turned me on to manicures right after we got married and I have been getting them ever since. ( Hey it costs me $10 plus tips and I could blow that money on far lessor things) I find that it's a necessary part of my profession because I am always signing my name and my hands are always in plain view.




So anyway, today I am in my little manicure shop and my Vietnamese manicurist is doing her thing (Another hard working immigrant). "Mr field how you do?" I am enjoying the fruits of her labor when in walks this brotha that looks like he plays offensive tackle for the Eagles or some shit. He sits down and I figure he is waiting on his girl or wife to get done. The place is pretty full and from the looks of the people in the shop, his significant other could be any one of the people getting their nails and their feet done in the joint.




I look over at the brotha and he is looking back at me. Dude actually looks like he is staring, so I stare right back. Dude is actually smirking a little, and I sense that the mother fucker is making fun of me. So it's at this point that I give him the fuzzy eye ball; but then, of course, he gives it right back. Now I am starting to wonder if this shit is worth fighting this big mother fucker over. And worse, the dude might be packing a cannon under his jacket. This is, after all, Philly. I can see the headlines now: "MAN SHOT TO DEATH OVER MANICURE".


Now I am not sure where you all live, but here in Philly it's not that unusual for us men to get manicures. Although I must admit that when I started getting em about eight years ago it wasn't as popular. But now the shit really is no big deal at all. Yet this dude keeps looking at me like this shit is funny. "Mother fucker don't let the fact that I am getting a manicure fool you, I will mix it up with your big ass and bruise up these knuckles.


"Are you ready sir'? Dude gets up and heads to a manicure station that just opened up. Dude looks at me as he passes, and I feel like a fucking idiot. Then the guy sits down, takes one last look at me, and slowly shakes his head. I get up, pay the house, tip my girl, and roll. I can't even look back because I am too embarrassed.


I swear sometimes I am way too sensitive.

44 comments:

shy giraffe said...

"I swear sometimes I am way too sensitive."

lol @ that.

i think its great that men are not shy getting a manicure. it shows they take care of themselves and having a your nails clean up don't make you less of a man. maybe next time you could try pedicure too...lol.

=:O)

An Old Black Woman said...

Shame on the quarterback for tapping into and playing on your sensitivity. I would have checked him had he been my son. What he intentionally did will only encourage you to question yourself when you should be questioning others.

Of course you're sensitive. You'd be a fool not to be sensitive. You're a black person in America--it comes with the territory.

Francis L. Holland Blog said...

Maybe he was hitting on you? Just a thought.

Christopher said...

Nothing wrong with this, dude.

Here's a few things about me that immediately belong in to the TMI category:

I touch up my gray hair on the temples each week

I trim the "man zone" and shave my huevos sack

I complusively pull hairs from my ears until the skin is smooth

I complusively pull the nose hairs out

I brush and floss twice a day

I am obsessed with cleanliness and grooming and I can't fall to sleep with dirty dishes in the sink.

We all have our ticks.

field negro said...

shy girrafe, pedicures is a summer time indulgence :)

"Maybe he was hitting on you? Just a thought."

Nope, I have been hit on by other me before, this felt different. If that was the case (him hitting on me) I wouldn't have been offended. Hell, I would have found that shit flattering :)


I think "old black woman" was right. I think the mofu was playing on my sensitivities.

christopher, I checked everything you did except for the gray on the temples. Being completely bald, I don't have that problem :)

NSangoma said...

~
Women of quality and breeding will not let one touch or continue to touch certain erogenous, er sensitive zones with long unkempt fingernails.

I will venture a guess that females in general, do not want their G-spot stimulated with long, nas-ti-dy fingernails.
`

field negro said...

"Women of quality and breeding will not let one touch or continue to touch certain erogenous, er sensitive zones with long unkempt fingernails"

nsangoma.....no comment on that. I think nsangoma is trying to bait me into saying the wrong thing :)

Mes Deux Cents said...

Hi FN,

So do you "write off" your manicure as a business expense?

NSangoma said...

~
I think nsangoma is trying to bait me into saying the wrong thing :)
field negro 9:39 AM

Do you have a mustache Field?
`

Christopher said...

Field,

Bald heads are hot. It's uber phallic.

Liz said...

Wow, I'm just laughing reading these comments.

"Do you have a mustache Field?"

Bwah-hah ha!

Please, do not tell us yea or nay, okay!

field negro said...

"Do you have a mustache Field?"

I..........never mind :)


mes deaux cents, I never used it as a right off. I guess I never thought it would be worth it. But thanks for the tip. I will ask my accountant if I can.

MacDaddy said...

" I think "old black woman" was right. I think the mofu was playing on my sensitivities."
---------------------------
FN, this is it. There's something about the way we brothas look at each other now, the way we "size" each other up, that's different from the Sixties (when I was growing up), even from a decade ago. If I had to guess, I would say that the increased violence with guns in large metropolitan cities has caused us to be more suspicious of each other. Why the slightest thing can lead to us going to war with each other, singing "I want back down."

What the cops say about the senseless violence in black communities all over this country may provide a further they clue. They say that, unlike just a few years ago, people get in fights over the smallest thing: A person was staring at him; he didn't like the way the guy was looking at his wife or girlfriend; he was frowning at me; he was acting like he was dissing me...It goes on and on. I think that, with the increase of violence has also come an understandable level of tension, either party may go off in a flash. It's a wild west to some of us in the cities.

august said...

I still don't understand why you would need a professional to do your nails. Esp since you don't work in construction. Well I guess you do work in the fields.
Get a do it yourself kit field. It is not rocket science.

Anonymous said...

August,
The Field wants to feel special, too, every now & again. We all know about the do-it0yourself manicure kit, but that's the thing: you're doing it yourself, when, if you go to the Viet shop, they do it for you (and they most likely do a better job than you would with a little $10.00 kit). This isn't rocket science.

baatin said...

field, please allow little john to sketch out what happened at the salon for you:



Yea, yea, e-YEAHHHH! O-kayyyyyy - what, what?
Wha', what, what?
Lil' Jon and the motherfuckin Eastside Boyz! (Yeahhhh)
Short Dawg! (YeahHHH) Once again at yo' ass (YEAHHHH!)
Bitch!! (Yeah!) This go out to all the pussy niggaz (listen here)
That see us when we walk in the club (whassup)
And just be mean muggin!

[Chorus: Lil' Jon (repeat 2x)]
Quit hatin motherfucker, quit hatin!
Quit hatin pussy nigga, quit hatin!
God damnit MOTHERFUCKAHHH
God damnit MOTHERFUCKAHHH

SagaciousHillbilly said...

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

You get a WHAT every other week?

Just kidding. . . but out here on the creek, I don't think too many of the guys get manicures. . . not beyond that which we apply ourselves with our pocket knives.

I am a bit of a clean freak when it comes to food and hands so Im really fanatical about making sure I get all the cow shit and chicken shit out from under my fingernails before I cook, eat or greet.

I could see my wife dragging me to a manicurist for some special occasion. I could see me being REAL defensive siting there and having some big MF staring at me. Afterall, I'm a real man. The problem is, I'm no little guy,, but those big MFs can hurt ya.

Good one Field.

aka lynn said...

Black people are too ready to be confrontational with one another at the drop of a hat!

MacDaddy said...

"Black people are too ready to be confrontational with one another at the drop of a hat!" aka lynn
---------------------
Field, I know you do some fun posts, where everything's not so serious. But i'm still feeling aka lynn. There's something seriously wrong with a society when just going for a manicure, or for a cup of coffee at the corner cafe, can turn into a stare-down like boxers getting ready for a championship fight. Let's do it on the real like Chuck D from PE: Lay it down in the fields and run the fucka straight up a flag pole and show the real deal...

Straight-up: It's only in crazy Amerikka where you got to fight to keep your manhood for just going to a barbershop or salon to get yo clean thang on or for trying to support a brotha or sistah's business. Maybe some of us don't want to realize how heavy this is: That living-- no, even visiting-- some neighborhoods is so stressful, dangerous, so sickening that it takes a piece of your heart each time you do it.

field: I hate going to malls; and I believe in supporting African people. And i'll go to a black neighborhood for some collard greens with smoked turkey and sweet potato pie. But when I do, I almost always run into stare-downs or some other drama. And everytime I come away asking, "What was that tough-man crap about? I was just delivering toys to a community center!" Or "I just stopped into Gloria's cafe to get a cup of coffee and warm up!"

This is why my heroes are not the people who protest some event like the Jena 6 (thought that's important) but those who labor in poor black communities everyday trying do what they can. I can only do it part-time now. Too much drama. I try to ignore it, but it's too much, and as violence goes up in these neighborhoods, the stare-downs and dramas go up as well.

This morning, I just brought a CD by Levert. It had a song where he sang, "Ooh, bring back all those good ole days." I've been playing it all day.

M.Dot. said...

ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER NOOSE.

Yo Blog is hot as sh*t.

Keep rockin'!

field negro said...

macdaddy, you are absolutely right on this one, and i am probably to blame. This was the reason for my post in the first place. I don't think the brotha meant any disrespect. That was my hyper sensitivity at being at the manicure parlor coming out. I have caught grief for going from some of my boys before, and I guess the way this dude was looking had me a little thrown. Maybve he was playing me, but he was there too which caught me totally off guard.

So I will call my bad on this one. And yes, as black men we have to stop the petty confrontational macho bullshit among each other. Many lives have been lost over a stare down.

august, I used to think like you do, but then I saw the difference. Hey, some things are better when done by professionals.

"I could see my wife dragging me to a manicurist for some special occasion. I could see me being REAL defensive siting there and having some big MF staring at me"

saga, that is exactly how I got started :)

m.dot thanks for the love!

Dirty Red said...

Field,
I feel ya on this one man.
I got my own example for ya.
I was in my favorite Carribean Food Joint in South Dallas last night picking up some chow for me and wifey.I pride myself on how I dress when I am out and about, However I don't keep up with the trends of the day. Last night I had on a vintage Led Zepplin t-shirt, with faded jeans and chuck taylors. I thought I looked rather dashing in a hippie sort of way, and plus wifey said I looked sexy when I left the house. As I pull into the resturant some young dudes are standing on the corner.(This resturant is in the "hood")I am blasting Shabba Ranks "Wicked in Bed" and I sat in my truck rocking until the song is finished. Well I start walking into the resturant and these young cats are mean mugging me to death.I get the same feeling you got in the manicure shop. My heart rate goes up and I start sizing these young dudes up in case I have to run back to my truck and "pop the trunk", you know what I mean. Anyway I go in Elaines (the resturant) grab my food and head back out to my truck. The young cats are closer to the door now, so my ghetto survival skills are really going into hyper drive. One of the cats says "Yo man.Where did you get that T?" I said "What" He says "Your Shirt man, where did you cop it?" I told him where I brought it and the cat says that the shirt is banging and he is going to go get him one.

Field, my jaw hit the concrete. I felt entirely stupid. I guess that white peole are not the only ones that believe what they braodcast in the media. And I pride myself on not judging people. Especially my own people.

I still have a lot to learn, Huh?

pjazzypar said...

Men get manicures and pedicures all the time. It's really no big deal. What I need to know is, what is the fuzzy eyeball?

David Sullivan said...

Dude, I had the same situation go down the last time I went in for my Brazillian Wax!

He, He.

All kidding aside, I get a massage once a month and I ain't talking about the kind with the happy ending.

Its the kind with the patchouli oil wearing, middle aged woman, with the Birkenstocks who has hands sent from above, kneading me till I'm mush.

Not real manly, but I don't give a fuck.

Hugh O'Donnell said...

Field, that was a funny story, regardless of the motivation of the other guy. (I really did LOL.)

I think if you'd gone back and talked to him, it could have wound up in a friendship without the bloody fight.

A little humility in a strong person can become an extra strength. Or, of course, I could be full of beans. (But it works for me.)

Actually, now that I think about it, you showed considerable humility telling all of us about it! :)

Hugh aka Repairman

La ~ msviswan said...

"So anyway, today I am in my little manicure shop and my Vietnamese manicurist is doing her thing (Another hard working immigrant)."

So, are there no more hard working immigrant black women or black people doing manicures for you to patronize? :)

La ~ msviswan said...

BTW field, I forgot to tell you, nothing is wrong for a man to get a manicure. But just try supporting your own next time :) You know, I manicure my sweetie's nails all the time plus more. No need for Miss Saigon to pocket the cabbage.

august said...

with all the staph out there would not go near those shops! I also hate the way they gossip in vietnamese. Remember that seinfeld episode?

Blinders Off said...

I introduced my husband to manicures a few years back. Your post was hilarious. He was probably relieved to know he wasn’t the only brother who gets a many.

He goes on his own now, but when he first went with me, it was the women giving him the stare down. I had to tell him, they probably wish they had their man in the shop doing the same thing he was doing. :)

field negro said...

"So, are there no more hard working immigrant black women or black people doing manicures for you to patronize? :)"

honest to god le~msvis...there isn't any that I know of right off hand. If there is anyone from Philly reading this maybe they can back me up on n this one :)

"Shabba ranks" wicked in bed? Dirty Red you de man :) I am glad cooler heads prevailed. But you see how just a misunderstanding can start shit?

pjazzypar, a "fuzzy eyeball" is a dirty look, or a perceived dirty look.

david, sorry, I draw the line with the body wax. No f*****g way :)

"A little humility in a strong person can become an extra strength. Or, of course, I could be full of beans. (But it works for me.)"

Hugh, I am trying to learn that every day. It's this damn Jamaican temper of mine.

blinders off, tell your husband he should hook up with the field and we can start a male support group.:)

damien said...

2 coats of clear! Makes the nail look purple in certain light! HA!

NSangoma said...

~
I had to tell him, they probably wish they had their man in the shop doing the same thing he was doing. :)
Blinders Off 1:22 AM

What do yall be doing when yall be doing what yall be doing, that requires manicured male nails?
`

NSangoma said...

~
http://wesawthat.blogspot.com/2007/10/wst-pal-field-negro-featured-in-la.html

Uck - oheth Field, you doth have a mustache; one can only pondereth what that couldeth mean??!!
`

Blinders Off said...

Nsangoma,

Get your mind out of the sex pit :)

There is nothing wrong with a man getting his nails manicured. Going for a manicure and pedicure is just another form of relaxation, just like getting a full body massage is relaxation. If you never had it done (that is if you are a male), I suggest you do it. You will not only get your nails filed down and your cuticles smooth the true pleasure is the massage you get in your hands up to your elbows. Not that I have to share this, but my man opt out of getting clear polish on his nails, buff shine is better for a man than clear nail polish.

Finally, most women love men who take care of their hygiene, look good, smell good, and dress nice.

Lola Gets said...

Ive given my men friends manicures since I was in high school. I love a man that that is nicely groomed! There is no shame in looking good for yourself or your partner.

Although Field and Christopher, yall are giving the Lola a little too much information - I dont wanna know about yer sacks!
Yeah, right, look whos talking, lol.

L

Muze said...

this is funny, but kinda sad. danng. you gotta be hard at the salon? that's kinda messed up.

i don't think there's anything wrong with a man getting manicures though. i do my bf's every week. he really needs them though, his hands are usually jacked by the end of the week because of his job. and he gives me pedicures. ha.

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Field, trust me, we sistas like the fact that a brotha takes care of his hands and/or feet, so you're not bringing the crust and cutting us with your claws when we're with you.

Yes, you might be a tad too sensitive, but trust me, homeboy was probably wondering how he could get hooked up with out his boys challenging his masculinity.

Now, if you were getting your eyebrows waxed, that's a whole 'nother story...

field negro said...

Now, if you were getting your eyebrows waxed, that's a whole 'nother story...

Well.......no comment :)

Anonymous said...

Men and their ego's. Field you are too funny. (tee hee)

MysTery said...

Awwww. Don't be sensitive.

I would look at you too! lol, but that's just me.

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