"..Her telling her homegirls that he couldn't stay up In the restaurant with her voice way up Please keep it discreet Keep the business out of the street She said "I would if he'll handle biz up in the sheets!"Pop off like a thang thang He keep keep And every time that she bang bang He skeet skeet" ~~ Stay Up by Kanye West~~
WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT!
So anyway, today was one of those rare occasions where our schedules allowed me to drive home from my plantation with the lovely Mrs. Field. As is usually the case, the car radio is on sports talk. It doesn't faze Mrs. Field because as usual she is on the phone with her sister giving her the 411 on the day's events.
And then it comes on: One of those damn male enhancement commercials. The guy is going on and on about improving your sex life and how all you have to do is call this 800 number and they will send you these magic pills for a free trial. The guy is guaranteeing you that their magic bullet pills will drive your partner wild and take your relationship to new heights.
This is when Mrs. Field feels the need to look at the kid with that look that says: are you listening field? She has a smirk on her face and she is totally enjoying the moment. "What is that supposed to mean?" I ask her. "Are you suggesting that I in any way usually come up small in that particular department?" The laughter is harder now, and she is way too into it. "Oh field, relax, how long have we been together now? Have I ever complained before....although there is a first time for everything". More laughter. "Oh you got jokes" I tell her. "Just keep talking to your sister and don't pay any attention to what's on the radio. It's called SPORTS TALK." I wonder if these clowns who do these commercials know what they put us guys through? "Look, I don't need that stuff, I am fine, thank you very much". "Hey, if you say so field". More smirking.
Now I am starting to think: Am I under performing? Should I see my Doctor about maybe getting a little....ahem, help? Does the old motor need a tune up? And if it does, just how the hell do I tune it up? After all, Mrs. Field is quite a few years younger than the kid. Will I be able to keep up (no pun intended) as father time keeps calling?
Hey, I have friends in their thirties who are popping the pill that starts with a V, and they swear by the stuff. Some of them tell me that they can't leave home without it. Which is exactly why I never even considered it in the first place. Who wants to get too dependent on a chemical enhancer? Besides, it's kind of like cheating. Why use the stuff if you really don't need it? But this isn't even that kind of commercial. There is a difference between male enhancement, and being able to, well, keep it going. I mean what good is a really nice sleek sports car if it can only get you five miles to the gallon. Wouldn't you much rather have a nice solid reliable compact that can get you thirty miles to the gallon? (That's a rhetorical question ladies, but you know where I am coming from)
Mercifully the commercial is over. But Mrs. Field isn't. "Girl you should have seen your boy. But I told him he is getting old." I don't know what's worse, her laughter or the thought of having to ask one of my boys if those little pills have any side effects. :(