"..Her telling her homegirls that he couldn't stay up In the restaurant with her voice way up Please keep it discreet Keep the business out of the street She said "I would if he'll handle biz up in the sheets!"Pop off like a thang thang He keep keep And every time that she bang bang He skeet skeet" ~~ Stay Up by Kanye West~~
WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT!
So anyway, today was one of those rare occasions where our schedules allowed me to drive home from my plantation with the lovely Mrs. Field. As is usually the case, the car radio is on sports talk. It doesn't faze Mrs. Field because as usual she is on the phone with her sister giving her the 411 on the day's events.
And then it comes on: One of those damn male enhancement commercials. The guy is going on and on about improving your sex life and how all you have to do is call this 800 number and they will send you these magic pills for a free trial. The guy is guaranteeing you that their magic bullet pills will drive your partner wild and take your relationship to new heights.
This is when Mrs. Field feels the need to look at the kid with that look that says: are you listening field? She has a smirk on her face and she is totally enjoying the moment. "What is that supposed to mean?" I ask her. "Are you suggesting that I in any way usually come up small in that particular department?" The laughter is harder now, and she is way too into it. "Oh field, relax, how long have we been together now? Have I ever complained before....although there is a first time for everything". More laughter. "Oh you got jokes" I tell her. "Just keep talking to your sister and don't pay any attention to what's on the radio. It's called SPORTS TALK." I wonder if these clowns who do these commercials know what they put us guys through? "Look, I don't need that stuff, I am fine, thank you very much". "Hey, if you say so field". More smirking.
Now I am starting to think: Am I under performing? Should I see my Doctor about maybe getting a little....ahem, help? Does the old motor need a tune up? And if it does, just how the hell do I tune it up? After all, Mrs. Field is quite a few years younger than the kid. Will I be able to keep up (no pun intended) as father time keeps calling?
Hey, I have friends in their thirties who are popping the pill that starts with a V, and they swear by the stuff. Some of them tell me that they can't leave home without it. Which is exactly why I never even considered it in the first place. Who wants to get too dependent on a chemical enhancer? Besides, it's kind of like cheating. Why use the stuff if you really don't need it? But this isn't even that kind of commercial. There is a difference between male enhancement, and being able to, well, keep it going. I mean what good is a really nice sleek sports car if it can only get you five miles to the gallon. Wouldn't you much rather have a nice solid reliable compact that can get you thirty miles to the gallon? (That's a rhetorical question ladies, but you know where I am coming from)
Mercifully the commercial is over. But Mrs. Field isn't. "Girl you should have seen your boy. But I told him he is getting old." I don't know what's worse, her laughter or the thought of having to ask one of my boys if those little pills have any side effects. :(
67 comments:
The natural enhancers Yohimbe, Vitamin E, Yam Root, Flaxseed Oil, Ginko, etc are safer choices.
The main contributor to ED is a poor diet. Less animal fats will do wonders to the blood flow.
Hmmm. I've never gotten a viagra email. Maybe I'm not in the targeted market.
Where the heck is Christopher these days? I'm sure he would have some input on this! shit... I mean he would know how man things should be handled, damnit
nevermind szpork
Field, you nailed it on the head. I DVR'ed Malcolm X on BET the other night and every commercial break was for Extenze and that skeevy looking guy who did all those softcore Skinemax movies.
Hockey games aren't much better, but at least the Canadian Cialis commercials are funnier.
Field, if you've got a soft-on issue, you already know about it. Viagra kinda-sorta works, but a much better approach is to go straight to the cause. Get your testosterone measured, and if it's low, then take supplements.
It takes about three months of T therapy to have impact. And then it does work. Believe me. And forget ego. This is an engineering issue and nothing else. Offer thanks that it can be fixed these days, and see a doctor.
I like Halle's cure for older men who need a little more "mo" in their "jo"...... avoid 'em date men 10+ years younger than you are, lol!!! Why should men be the only ones "dating a few years" younger than they are?
FlyNMy40, how does that "cure" the men? Don't you think it'd be a better idea if people, to use a pun, grab the bull by the horn and (ahem) face the problem?
I work at a radio station and there's like 7 different "male enhancement" pills/creams/whatevers that advertise on the air from 12 to 5 am.
In this age when a pill is the answer for any- and everything that ails us, we can grow larger and last longer (or so it's advertised), simply by popping a pill.
If men are underperforming because of size and/or endurance, perhaps we need to determine the source of the problem.
The culprit: over-stimulation.
Everything in our society has been over-eroticized--our commercials, our billboards, our magazine ads, our movies, our video games, and our women who dress pretty damn provocatively.
We need to get back to the days when women covered it all up. We need to adopt some aspects of the Muslim culture--the burqas, the veils, the total covering of the female flesh.
If we do do this, I'm just betting that when we do get that chance to show what we have, we won't falter, we won't fail, we won't send up the white flag of surrender, but hoist our flag high, displaying it proudly on a strong and firm pole of victory.
Rudy, "natural enhancers"? But question: What is a unnatural enhancer? :)
"we won't fail, we won't send up the white flag of surrender, but hoist our flag high, displaying it proudly on a strong and firm pole of victory."
Black Diaspora, you do have a way with wordd.
FlynMy40s, there is a word for womenlike you: I think it starts with a C. LOL! But I hear ya, I heard somewhere that women reach their sexual peak at an older age, so it makes sense.
Bad grinder, bad grinder. :)
ROFL_______________*dead*
dispora, An interesting idea. Do you also support the islammic tradition of removing a girl's clitoris with a rusty knife? Just wondering.
szpork
Field, I guess an unnatural enhancer is one that works immediately with little or no effort.
Szpork, why the slippery slope? Diaspora is only suggesting that women be a little more conservative these days.
What's wrong with that?
I'll co-sign Black Black Diaspora's suggestions. You'd think you were watching soft porn in A-merry-ca these days. Coupled with this processed diet/culture, no wonder you see these drugs everywhere. I may not go all the way with certain Islamic codes, but some of them are there for a reason!
I think Golf broadcast have the most ED commercials.
Black Diaspora,
What about cultures who only wore a G sting for clothing, how did they ever reproduce. These cultures still exist today in remote places. Modesty is not based on clothing.
Ref sidebar
John Ridley - need specific link
Rudy, I didn't really get the message you did apparently. I don't think most of those women choose to dress that way. They are the property of their husbands and in a larger respect their religion and do what they are told or else they're stoned and whipped. Just a or choice for a suggestion IMHO.
///// I read this somewhere. You need to think in purely biological terms for it to make sense. What's a 20 year old year girl being told by her body to do? What's her primary responsility to her species at this point? Have babies of course. How does she attract at mate? She dresses sexy and acts seductive. The males bear more responsibility. pork
FlynMy40s, there is a word for womenlike you: I think it starts with a C. LOL! ___________________________________
Really now? Cute, cunning, classy? Oh, I get it. It's OK for middle aged men to go trolling the undergraduate campuses of America looking for a "suitable" date/wife, but women can't do the same? To hell with that!
So with that said, I too have a name for men like you and it also begins with a C, lol!! And as appropriate as it may be for a middle age man such as yourself, it ain't Cialis, LOL!!
I think diet and exercise play the biggest role. If you learn to take care of yourself and find healty ways to deal with stress, you cut out most of it. Then there is the fact that people do everything to excess. If you exercise, you do it it to the extreme. We sleep to the extreme; eat to the extreme; work to the extreme; even have sex to the extreme; and people wonder why they're tired and burned out. Once you learn to live in moderation, a lot of problems fade away.
I thought Black Diaspora was joking. ha
I do think stress, not getting enough sleep, diet etc. all play a role.
Be careful with the Testosterone. I am just getting my hair back from using it. Not worth it at all. It helps to have a full head of hair to get the hook up in the first place.
What's so sad about all these ads is that most women are not going to be satisfied through intercourse because a man can keep it up longer, but because he knows what to do with HER equipment. Which does not usually depend on the state of HIS equipment.
I hate those commercials on XM radio CNN & everywhere else.
Anyway, do what you have to do if you have to do it. or perhaps a prostate milking to clear the pipes.
When you are boo'd up, you must have hot & ready dick & nuts, no doubt.
I'm just saying.
Tafari
"Be careful with the Testosterone. I am just getting my hair back from using it. Not worth it at all. It helps to have a full head of hair to get the hook up in the first place."
Oh come on, hair is overtated.;)
"Really now? Cute, cunning, classy? Oh, I get it. It's OK for middle aged men to go trolling the undergraduate campuses of America looking for a "suitable" date/wife, but women can't do the same? To hell with that!"
FlynMy40s, why are you fighting with yourself? I was ageeing with you. Of course a woman can go looking, trolling, prowling an undergraduate campus for a younger man to her heart's content. I am all for that. I don't know of any red blooded man who wouldn't be. "Methinks dost protest too much."
why are we blaming men?
could it be that women now days just aren't what they used to be?
Field, you disappoint me. I thought you guys were all huge. Still, I guess if you're ever going to make that run, you'll want to look your best.
svejk, "huge" being a relative term,of course. ;)
"I guess if you're ever going to make that run, you'll want to look your best."
Of course. Why do you think I didn't want to make it[the run] when it was cold outside?
Field,
I can't comment on this subject but I second Hathor's request for a link or more info on John Ridley comments on your sidebar. I regularly watch videos of Joe's show but couldn't find any pertinent posted video that supports your HFN award. Help!
Makaii
I don't think Black Diaspora WAS kidding, and there are so many things wrong with his suggestion I don't know where to start. Blaming women for men's biology? Please. It's a medical fact that sometimes the blood doesn't go where you want it to. What "women" are wearing is totally irrelevant to this fact. Suggesting that women should wear BURQAS because some dudes are sexually incontinent? If you want to live in a culture where women cover up, I suggest you move to a freakin theocracy. Where, guess what, you ain't gonna be getting any strange except from your wife, who may or may not have a clitoris.
What gets me, as a woman, about those ads, is that if you listen to what women have to say, most of us don't want sixty minutes of mindless pronging. Most women don't even get (O)ff on merely standard p-in-v action; it's the foreplay/interplay that really matters, and bigger/longer/wider whatever isn't gonna help if you don't work from the whole playbook.
Oh, and to whomever said he 'wasn't the target market' so he doesn't get viagra ads - I'm female and my spam filter is 75% penis ads. I feel like I am sexually harassing MYSELF whenever I choose to scan my spam file.
okay, my best tells me that her husband no longer stay hard...just goes all soft in the middle of the action. well trust when i tell you that i hear her frustration alot more lately. soon i know what is coming next..can anyone say "lover". this is why many females cheat. i try to keep her steady even suggest the handy battery operated friend but how long does this satisfies. I dont condone stepping outside a relationship but being over 40 myself and in the mist of my heighten sexual sphere, a sister can understand.
Speak Jezebella, speak!! The problem of course, is anyone of he male persuasion listening?
And please Field, I don't believe there's a middle aged man alive that would be OK with being dumped for a younger, financially secure, more virile version of themselves. Of course, I think that's the chance you take when you marry much younger......
What I do know as a person in the healthcare field is that the STD rate among those over 40 and much older has increased since the advent of products like Viagra and Cialis.
"What I do know as a person in the healthcare field is that the STD rate among those over 40 and much older has increased since the advent of products like Viagra and Cialis."
Well that's not a good thing. Just another reason not to support the artificial enhancers.
Makaii, I will try and help you. It was on the Wed.morning "Morning Joe" program,about 7:00. Scarborough was debating Ridley about Obama's economic plan. It was classic!
I am hoping it's on YouTube.
Hey, Field, I a 40ish woman, and I dated a guy who had, er, get-up probs. So we're kicking it one evening, and I see him pop this lil' blue number, wait a while, then he wanted to, well, get busy fast. Well, I ain' trying to be rushing love, you know, so I chill for a few minutes, then he starts to get kind of testy. (He knew the pill deal wasn't going to last too much longer.) Anyway, we really get, ahem, start to get busy. Next thing I know his -- well, now all you minors out there shut down the ol' pc -- his member suddenly, well, gets a bit out of hand, if you know what I mean. Then what he does is, well, try to ahh-h-h-h, do the old insertion trick. Ain' work. Too, well, humongous. Too, ah, well fake, too, well, let's see, how shall I put this in a delicate way? That member of his was ridiculously phony-feeling, like some kind of really fake log. No good, I say. This is ridiculous. Too unnatural and way, way too -- yikes -- jumbo! Absolutely no pleasure in that thingamajig! Need I say that the gig was not completed, b/c the entire episode seemed like some kind of really bad porno star had invaded our turf. The lesson in this is this: Stay the heck away from that mess. Like Celie said in TCP, "it ain' wuff it."
I get e-mails in my spam mail telling me how viagra can help me. Could someone please tell Granny what a woman needs viagra for? I am really trying to figure that one out. That's nothing though, a lot of young men are buying and using viagra.
We live in a society that has unhealthy pre occupations with beauty and youth.
Now for the first time men are being affected by these pressures.
More news reports are out about the growing numbers of men getting plastic surgery and botox.
That rag they NY POst had one of its funnier headlines recently to highlight the priest who was stealing money from his church for plastic surgery..the headliine "Friar Tuck" ...and his picture ;-)
http://www.nypost.com/seven/04062009/news/regionalnews/s_i__priest_used_church_money_for_plasti_163208.htm
I would imagine for past generations ....my mother is almost 60, women never said much about men's ....er performance or lack there of. But younger women today are very vocal. VERY.
I hear women talking who are younger teens...and early 20's and some of it is quite cruel.
@ FLYInMy 40s.......
I think the 50 year old guy who would try to troll the college campuses would be in line to get his feelings hurt.
As a matter of fact, I do know a couple of 40 year old men visiting Florida around Spring Break every year with the hopes of meeting partying college girls. I could never figure out the rush to Florida in March. So I would imagine some Viagra would be in order indeed.
As I work in an industry dominated by gay men, I see that many young gay men here in New York are popping the blue pill for entertainment.
Also I am not sure if those pills work. I wonder. hmmm
There have also been a few articles about the scores of laid off Wall Street guys not being able to perform sexually and being racked by fear of not getting jobs at the same pay rate again. That fear of not being able to provide their partner or family has lead to a rise in the demand for the blue pill and therapy.
But the way it was explained to me was...you had to have the desire for the blue pill to work. If you are stressed and racked with feelings of inadequacy then even the blue pill doesn't work.
So I guess it is some form of "equality" that men with huge pot bellies and receding hairlines know now that they are being judged on their physical appearance and performance as they have judged their female peers.
My motto is: "Improve your communication then you will improve your sex life."
Sidebar: Negro, this is not directed at you. This is for a certain person who shall remain nameless at this time.
Anon. 5:36PM, thanks for the insight from the other side. I guess different strokes for different folks. :)
Attorneymom,names please;we need names.
knockoutchick, I co-sign with the first part of your comments.
Attorneyhusband. LOL. You see, Negro. You made me put my husband on blast. LOL
Negro, I gave you a little attention on my blog. Not that you need it. : - )
http://charactercorner.blogspot.com/2009/04/from-law-practice-to-blogging.html
Anon 5:36 PM:
But I thought you 40+, horny women loved big members.
Viagra's also effective in treating the Pulmonary Hypertension that often accompanies Sickle Cell Anemia, an often fatal condition that affects some 70,000 Americans.
Well, Field, first, do you have a problem getting or keeping an erection?
If so, then you're problem MIGHT be vascular in nature and you MIGHT benefit from either over the counter or prescription options.
If not, don't go looking for trouble related to the penis. Just keep learning to use it even better.
And personally, I find that liberal use of a very warm, moist and flexible body part that NEVER goes soft goes a long way toward happiness in my marriage.
"Black Diaspora,
What about cultures who only wore a G sting for clothing, how did they ever reproduce." Hator
Hator, you may have noticed, too, that those primitive cultures don't mass produce: it's a day-to-day struggle (and a lot of hard work) to just replace themselves.
That's why they raid other tribes: to grow their own numbers.
You've heard of certain primitive cultures that have mysteriously disappeared.
Guess what? They disappeared because they weren't reproducing fast enough to maintain the proper number to diversify the gene pool.
Decrease the size of the gene pool and you reduce your chances of surviving.
Check it out!
LOL! Attorneymom, I hope the hobby doesn't read this blog.
And thanks for the shine, us bloggers/Esq's have to stick together.
Deacon Blue, I don't think I have a problem, but hey, sometimes we are the last ones to know. :)
Wel, Field, if it's still firm, the only thing to make sure of is that your technique is making her honestly moan and if not, add new tricks. ;-)
I use every part I have to bring joy to every part Mrs. Blue has. I'm not the most good loking or prosperous guy but innovation, communication and persistence keeps me a desirable commodity.
Frank Drackman said...
Viagra's also effective in treating the Pulmonary Hypertension that often accompanies Sickle Cell Anemia, an often fatal condition that affects some 70,000 Americans.
___________________________________
1) Folks with Sickle Cell Disease these days live to age 40 and beyond. So your statement about the fatality of Sickle Cell Disease is a bit misleading.
2) Not every Black person carries a predesposition to have either the trait or the disease. For example, my family has a few cases of Thalasemia and NO cases of Sickle Cell disease or trait.
3) Viarga is not the "pep" drug of chioce for Black men, Cialis is.
My understanding is that the so-called male enhancement pills are not getter-uppers but lengtheners. Which, in my experience, is somewhat less of a problem for black men -- on average, mind you -- than is is, say, for the Irish. ;-)
Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis are getter-uppers, and they work by enhancing blood flow. Which leads to their biggest side effect, the headache. There are plenty of people who won't use those pills for exactly that reason.
Testosterone, on the other hand, gets to, um, the root cause. Always good to get to the root in my world. I could be the testosterone salesman.
Forget the viagra...after all no one knows what it could do to your sperm..and it may result in mentally retarded or deformed babies. Just tell the Mrs. that if she keeps it up, you'll trade in her "young apple cider" for a sweet "vintage wine"...cause we get "better with age!" Much luv Field!
Get your blood sugar levels checked. This may be the sign of early diabetes. Drink plenty of water and avoid all drinks with high fructose corn syrup and sucrose. This poison is being used in place of sugar because it is cheaper than sugar. They're putting it in everythin now...even cookies and cakes. Read the labels on everything before you buy it. Make sure your juice drinks (apple, cranberry, fruit punch etc.) have not sugar added or, are sweetened with sugar or beet juice... (not sucrose or fructose)! Find food brands without this poison and stick to eating only those. An ounce of diabetes prevention is worth a pound of cure!
FlyNMy40s (What is it with you people and Fawties???) Sickle Cell Patients live to be 40?? Guess it is an evolutionary advantage...
It's more common in Afro-Americans?? hadn't noticed, maybe cause I don't worry what kind of Hemoglobin a patient has...
That Cialis's too expensive for my Johnson... I mean, if I theoretically ever needed it...and the headaches with cyclic GMP speciffic Phosphodiesterase Inhibitors are too bad anyways...now if you'll excuse me, I gotta take an aspirin... for the HEART...
What's so sad about all these ads is that most women are not going to be satisfied through intercourse because a man can keep it up longer, but because he knows what to do with HER equipment. Which does not usually depend on the state of HIS equipment.
momo I cosign with you. My late husband knew how to play my body witht the result of numerous big O's. But he also used cialis, and knew also how to use my toys for something a little different. Men need to be creative and not do the same-o same-o. We were creative and very willing to tell each other what really turned us on, and what did not. It is NOT just the tool you men have, it is a whole lot more to keep women happy!
Anon 9:56,
Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! A diabetic has to treat sugar, carbohydrates and corn syrup the same. Insulin works on the all chemical compounds of sugar. The lack of insulin production or the ineffectiveness of insulin can cause high blood sugar. Let people be informed of what caused diabetes, not myths.
http://www.diabetes.org/type-2-diabetes.jsp
The Dangers of High Fructose Corn Syrup - Diabetes Health
The Dangers of High Fructose Corn Syrup. Is This Disguised Sugar Affecting Your Diabetes?
Cut and paste the following website and read for yourselves:
http://www.diabeteshealth.com/read/2008/08/20/4274/the-dangers-of-high-fructose-corn-syrup/
Anon 11:01 has a point. Mr. Stud, meet Ms. Clitoris. She's been dyin' to make your acquaintance.
Anonymous 12:05
I test my blood sugar every day. I know how it is affected by carbs and sugar(I don't discern the sugar) and also understand this link.
http://encarta.msn.com/encyclopedia_761573894/sugar_metabolism.html
Substituting any other sugar and not counting it as the same, is dangerous to a diabetic.
I think the problems caused are from the hidden calories in corn syrup. The degree of sweetness per calorie. The fructose in corn syrup is the same compound as in an apple. Those comments after that article is not peer review.
Fearless introspection that I can identify with...that's why I read The Field. :)
Momo is right. Studies have shown that up to 60% of women do not orgasm during penetrative intercourse alone(this includes me and most of my female friends). At the risk of turning this blog into an R-rated one I want to clarify that penetrative sex IS incredibly enjoyable but does not usually result in the big O. However other techniques skillfully applied usually get the job done...and how! LOL! As Deacon Blue so eloquently phrased it - a warm, moist and flexible body part enthusiastically applied always works! So in summary, both are needed but in a pinch I would probably go with the flexible body part...
Hathonr and Anon, thanks for the back and forth and the knowledge for the rest of us. (Hathor, you know your stuff)
And Frank, you know what's scary? You might actually be a physician.
Negro, he will be singing this song if he does straighten up. LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PW0VBR56gCg
Frank Drackman said...
FlyNMy40s (What is it with you people and Fawties???) Sickle Cell Patients live to be 40?? Guess it is an evolutionary advantage...
It's more common in Afro-Americans??
___________________________________
"Black don't crack" which is why I can brag about being in my 40's. Your people don't tend to age well unfortunately.
BTW, here's a lesson from a Scientist (and future Physician) to a so called MD?
Sickle Cell DOES provide an evolutionary advantage to folks living in areas where there's a high incidence of Malaria like Africa. Short story, part of the life cycle of organisim that causes Malaria is spent in human red blood cells. Sickle red blood cells impairs that growth and development, hence the evolutionary advantage.
Hathor, great breakdown on diabetes!!
I agree with previous posters who noted that most women do not have the big O simply by the male having an erect P, though they feature women prominently in those Viagra, Cialias and Levitra ads...it is not about the women.
I think those ads are more about changes in mindset in our society.
In the past I think many women simply did not have orgasms. I have female relatives who had been married 20 or 30 years and never had orgasms during sex. And one does not describe herself as necessarily unhappy in marriage.
But that has changed now. Women are vocal about sexual pleasure and modern men have to step up...or they can simply ignore too I guess.
Also I think the fact that womens desires are now seen as relevant puts more pressure on men to THINK about how women are feelking and commincate better as a previous poster noted.
I was recently in a situation with a man I was extremely attracted to ...he is very tall buff handsome, smart, well educated....just all that.
We were in an extremely intimate situation....very close indeed but not sexual and as we talked...he suddenly said something I found quite cruel and creepy about love and sex...and suddenly ..just at that moment all sexual desire ceased for me. COMPLETELY.
It's like that for women.
8:29, this 5:36 ---
Some 40ish women might be "horny," as you call it, but we aren't stupid or desperate. That man's "member" felt faker than a $3 bill. It was just totally ridiculous. We still prefer the natural, because, well, it's just more natural. It make need a little help, but it's beter than a fake-ass log. BTW, the member never "fully joined the organization," if you get what I'm saying.
"We were in an extremely intimate situation....very close indeed but not sexual and as we talked...he suddenly said something I found quite cruel and creepy about love and sex...and suddenly ..just at that moment all sexual desire ceased for me. COMPLETELY.
It's like that for women."
knockoutchick, I tried to tell em.:)
"BTW, the member never "fully joined the organization," if you get what I'm saying."
Yes anon. I know EXACTLY what you are saying. :)
How are we supposed to enjoy the enhancement when the it seems like the only way people enjoy the benefits of Cialis is in separate bathtubs? (outside no less!)
(attempt at humor)
Women in the U.S. have access to birth control which is 99% effective. Thus, we can actually enjoy sex as much as men. We've not become more demanding, we're just catching up.
No pill is gonna pep up a woman your penis has grown tired of! thats why men cheat,lets face it pussy gets old & tired after some years of pounding,it may be fun for someone else but booty does play out!
im sure the same old rod every night gets tired as well,when a man hits a new pooty he has to fight not comming to soon,that old pooty you can bang until your hips are numb & it no fun & you cant cum!
you all need to be honest,no pill will help you!
lol
33
Ok Field now that was funny - I have to laugh with the Mrs on this one! Get back to us on those 'side effects.'...lol
I work at a radio station too and there's like 10 different "male enhancement" pills/creams/whatevers that advertise on the air from 10 to 5 am.
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