Friday, January 05, 2007

King George Strikes Again!


In the not too distant future, thanks to King George's latest edict by way of yet another "signing statement". The little scene I am about to describe to you between the field, his mail man, and the homeland security people, could be all too real.

So it's a beautiful Saturday morning and the field heads to his mail box to pick up his latest bills, and fan mail :) But lo and behold, to the fields dismay, all three pieces of his mail seemed like they were opened and resealed. The field is suspicious, so he tracks down his mail man as he gets into the mail truck a couple of blocks away.

FN: Hi mail man.
MM: Hi field what's up?
FN: Hey mail man, I couldn't help but notice that my mail seemed like it was all opened and resealed. I mean one I can understand, but all three pieces?
MM: Yeah field, it happens. I have been noticing more and more of that lately.
FN: Yeah, well what's up? Are you guys doing it?
MM: No field, you might want to call the homeland security people. Apparently they have been given the authority to do that, even over the objection of our Postal Inspector.
FN: You are kidding me! When did that happen?
MM: Well, apparently last month, congress signed some new Postal Legislation Act, and one of the provisions allowed homeland security to inspect your mail for national security purposes.
FN: Really? Well I am an attorney, and the last time I checked you needed a search warrant to open first class mail in this country. Unless of course you guys-the post office- have reason to believe that there is hazardous materials such as a bomb being sent through the mail system.
But not an innocent looking piece of first class mail from my sister in Seattle.
MM: You are an attorney? Well how come I didn't get a Christmas tip from you this year?
FN: Sorry MM, this was a slow year for me.
MM: Oh. So anyway, you will have to call the homeland security people and take it up with them.
FN: Thanks Mr.Mail man, I think I will.
~Rrrrrrrring, Rrrrring~
FN: Yes hello, is this homeland security?
HS: Yes it is.
FN: Hi, yes, this is the field negro, and I notice that my mail was opened today, and the mail man said you guys did it. Could you tell me what the f**k gives you the authority to open my mail?
HS: Ahh yes field negro, it's a little thing called the LAW! You have heard of the rule of law haven't you? I know that's not a popular thing with you Negroes.
FN: What law? Look, I happen to be a lawyer, and I know of no such law that allows you to open domestic first class mail without a warrant just because you feel like it.
HS: Yeah well you need to go back to law school field. You must have went to one of them Negro Law schools. Look, have you heard of a little thing called a "signing statement?"
FN: Yes I have, it's what the President uses to instruct his executive branch on how to interpret and carry out new laws.
HS: Well go to the head of the class field negro. That is correct. However, our President kind of see them a different way. We have been using them to reserve our President's right to revise, interpret, or disregard laws on national security issues.
FN: But that's not what signing statements were meant for.
HS: Under our Kin...I mean President that's how they will be used.
FN: But you can't just do that, heck Congress can't even veto these signing statements so their is no checks and balance on the executive branch.
HS: I know, isn't our leader brilliant?
FN: Come on man, to quote the leader of the ABA, Michael Greco, "this practice is harming the separation of powers"
HS: Oh get over it, you lawyers are always crying over something.
FN: Well how about REPUBLICAN Senator, Susan Collins, of Maine saying: "I was absolutely surprised, there was nothing in the 'Postal Reform Bill' that any way diminished or changed the privacy protections for domestic sealed mail"
HS: How about it? She is just one Senator, who doesn't get it. The President needs to protect the American people. She lives in Maine, it's not like terrorist are going to go there anyway. Of course she isn't afraid of a terrorist attack. Look the President said he needs to do this for "foreign intelligence collection" and I believe him.
FN: Do you really think a terrorist is going to mail instructions via the postal service to one of his cohorts hiding out in Dearborn Michigan some damn place? Give me a break!
HS: Are you a lawyer for those communist the ACLU field?
FN: I am not saying, besides, you should know, haven't you been going through all of my mail?
HS: Well you sure act like you hate America to me.
FN: Look, I love America as much as the next guy, but your President is out of control. The guy has had more than 750 of these signing statements for crying out loud! That's more than all the Presidents combined in history.
HS: Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.
FN: Look I gotta go I have wasted enough time talking to you homeland security people.
HS: Hey field, your sister seems really nice, you really should visit her more often.
FN: STAY OUT OF MY DAMN MAIL!

Later for those guys, I think I will watch some T.V. Hey, it's Tony Snowjob, and he is talking about King Georges latest little excursion into the Constitution to take away yet more of our rights. "What the signing statement indicates is what present law allows, in making it clear what the provisions are"????????????

I need a drink!

Oh, and one final thing. I want to acknowledge and say goodbye to fellow blogger Dell Gines, who is taking some time off from blogging to do some serious work in his community. Dell was one of the first brothers to acknowledge my site and put me down on his blog roll. I will never forget that, and not to mention the way he reached out to me when I was struggling to get this blogging thing off the ground. We need more people like Dell in on the WWW dropping knowledge to all of those who will read.

Still, there are some good people left. All the regulars to this site come to mind. Good people all who have some serious writing skills and who really care about the sh** they do.

So bye Dell, you will be missed, but thank God the torch won't go out just yet.

The field is out.

7 comments:

The Angry Independent said...

Brilliant...

I posted about those damn signing statements a while back. But I am definitely linking this post.

opening mail???? Just when you think that these folks have hit bottom.... they seem to find a new low. They are totally unpredictable.

We may wake up one morning and learn that the Constitution has been cancelled.

Tasha said...

Perhaps interpretation is 9 tenths of the law now.

Great post! I've noticed lately that a lot of my mail has been opened as well. I'm hoping that one day someone opens my credit card bill and decides to pay the balance for me--you know, the whole kindnes of strangers thing.

But seriously, I'm really wondering if our consititution is about to be burned and a new one written.

Violette said...

Do the powers that scheme think that any serious terrorist would ever send their secret information thru snail mail? Even if they did, it's probably not even going to be written in English. Last time I checked, the FBI have only a few agents who are fully fluent in Arabic. The people in charge can't even tell you the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite.

mark said...

I heard about the signing statements a few months ago. Thanks for reminding me.

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