Sunday, February 24, 2008

A letter to John McCain




Dear Mr. Straight Talk:



I know this has been a rough few days for you because of that NYT story coming out about your closeness to a certain lobbyist. That, and the fact that the latest polls are showing you trailing the likely Democratic nominee in damn near every state.





I know some of your conservative friends, like Rush Limp-boy has rallied around you. And they are even claiming that this latest scandal might actually help you. But I am not buying it. Whenever something comes up that reminds voters of the K word it can't be good for you.



Anyway, because you are a genuine A-merry-can hero, and because I have always had a soft spot in my heart for you, I am going to give you some advice (I know your campaign is short on cash, so I won't charge you a dime for it):



1. Play up the affair part of this story. Hell the woman was thirty years your junior. What better way to let the A-merry-can voters know that you are not that old after all, and that you can last four years without spending half of it in Walter Reed .


2. Call out Rush and all the other conservative radio talk show hosts that have been giving you a hard time. Take a page from Bill Clinton's book, and make them your Sista Souljahs. So you piss them off, what are they going to do, tell their people to vote for the Democratic nominee? I don't think so.


3. Tell Cindy to shut up. The last time I checked "The Stepford Wives" bombed (whoops, poor choice of words) at the box office.


4. Send Muqtada al Sadr some flowers with future assurances that if you are elected President, there will be lots more where they came from.


5. Since you can't wear those high heel boots like Prince. (It just doesn't look presidential)
I know you are somewhat challenged in terms of your height, so I would suggest wearing some lifts in those wing tips.


6. Brush up on your Spanish.


7. Watch your temper. I can see you slipping up and referring to the "O" man as "boy" during one of the debates.


I wish I had more for you, but honestly, I don't want you to win, I just want you to be competitive.



Sincerely,


TFN

The Field Negro.















32 comments:

Anonymous said...

http://www.theroot.com/id/44940

Thread jack field. Great piece and counter to the Tavis Smiley stuff.


"What Chicago did for him was teach him how to be practical," said Jerry Kellman, who hired Obama for the organizing job. "The world is not always an honest, nice place. If you want to do honest, nice things, you still have to understand what makes things move."

jonboy200 said...

That was me above.

marci said...

yes field.. we love some obama over here..
michelle is just as adored..
would pay to see michelle up in hilary's face over her man..
nader on the radar... the best money spent by the republicans yet.. (just a theory i have..)
fun and challenging times for obama ahead..
happy monday..

Anonymous said...

You really do hate the Right-wingers now don't you? Now don't get me wrong I don't particuraly care for them either but this whole Republicans are the worst thing that has ever happened to America is starting to get old. Democrats/liberals are just as responsible in this and neither one is better than the other so I don't get why people especially Blacks have this undying love for the Democrats because trust me, Black people who live under the poverty line can't tell the difference whenever a Democrat is in power or a Republican and that's real talk.

TLW

field negro said...

"Black people who live under the poverty line can't tell the difference whenever a Democrat is in power or a Republican and that's real talk."

TLW, that is real talk, and I appreciate it.

BUt sorry, I don't deslike conservatives because they are republicans. Did you see my post about my fave President? It was Nixon. Isn't he a republican? No, I dislike this bunch because their policies hurt the majority of poor people more so than the Democrats. Most of us black foks are still trying to get over the negative effects of having that fake ass cowboy from California in office. And after eight years of the frat boy, I am ready for any other political party besides the republicans at this point.

Honestly, they have been that bad.

gwpriester said...

Heh, heh. Great advice Field. ;-)

What is so amusing is when a Democrat is accused of a tryst, it's a family values, sex scandal thing, but when a Republican in accused of the same thing (with a nice twist of ethics and hypocrisy added for good measure), then its a vicious political attack.

Kind of like whenever the white man defeated the Indians in a battle it was a valiant victory, but when the Indians prevailed, it was a massacre.

Janet Shan said...

Great letter, but since when did Rush Limbaugh moved towards John McCain? I thought he hated his guts, much like Ann Coulter. I wonder if she has started campaigning for Hillary Clinton yet? She made that statement on Hannity & Colmes recently. How did the NY Times get the story so wrong or is there more to come.....

Christopher Chambers said...

Field, I lent my comments on a wingnut blog tigerhawk concerning the Oscars. The Bes Actress winner excepting, each of these folk represented a decidely anti-American, eveil American archtype: Day-Lewis' greedy/mean as fuk oilman, Bardem's crazy as fuk ex-Army assassin, Tilda Swinton's female Karl Rove corporate lawyer. Hell even little Ellen Page, an American, was playing against the "type" of blonde stupid teenage American girl we all seem to exalt in Bush land--Juno even considers an abortion, after being knocked up by the nerd of all nerds, not the captain of the lacrosse team! Juno is the anti-Jenna Bush.

I see you as a bald black Michael Clayton once you stop this thumb twiddling and join Blank Rome or one of those other big Philly firms...

Look man, for the GOP to win come November, McCain better pray for another terrorist attack and more New york Times articles.

Christopher Chambers said...

PS--as I say on my blog, leave Fred Armisen alone. He did a decent Obama, plus he's done an amusing Prince imitation on SNL.

Speaking of unlikely black moments--last night on the Oscars the cameramen strained not to show Paul MichaelAnderson (director of There Will Be Blood) with his black wife Maya Rudolph (who's a thousand times funnier than damn Tina Fey), and the fact that Viggo Mortensen (Eastern Promises) was there with his very, very clearly black little daughter...

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Straight talk with a forked tongue.

New Black Woman said...

2. Call out Rush and all the other conservative radio talk show hosts that have been giving you a hard time. Take a page from Bill Clinton's book, and make them your Sista Souljahs. So you piss them off, what are they going to do, tell their people to vote for the Democratic nominee? I don't think so.

Now that's real talk!

I would have nothing but respect for McCain if he did this.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Awww, how nice. FieldMan is playing nice and giving JohnBoy Mac some free advice.
He'd be wise to take it!

Mimi said...

Field - nice suggestions :)

#8 should be- Don't break a law that you yourself wrote..

Democrats want the Federal Election Commission to investigate Sait McCain.. since he entered the federal matching funds program, he has already reached the spending limit, and is at a point where he is legally prohibited from spending any more money until the GOP convention in September... so if is spending more money now that means he is breaking federal law...a law he co- sponsored with Feingold.....I just luv the irony :) :)

Anonymous said...

"What is so amusing is when a Democrat is accused of a tryst, it's a family values, sex scandal thing, but when a Republican in accused of the same thing (with a nice twist of ethics and hypocrisy added for good measure), then its a vicious political attack."

Exactly! That is why I can't get with the Republican party, not that Democrats are the end all be all. As a "little person" of this nation I understand that it would be naive of me to think it would be in my best interest to affiliate myself with such a people who create their own reality based on PRIVLEDGE. And that privledge is very closely tied with being: A) White B) Wealthy C) A believer in hypocritical values--the last point clearly demonstrating itself. They do all of this with patriotism as their banner, but it is often a cloak for their ignorance and malice toward those who are not like them.

Truthfully I had also liked Huckabee as a candidate as well as Obama for very different reasons. I do think that there is a definitive lack of moral standing in this country, so much so that the entertainment industry/myspace culture are now raising the youth without a basic decency. Everything is about self, being seen, and more self indulgence...but that is a different topic. My point being, I saw how Huckabee stood strong with his party member regardless of the nature of the accusation as if it were not possible this could be true--not a REPUBLICAN. We ARE the moral fabric. Yea right...

Anonymous said...

"Nat Turner's Revenge" is tripping me out--I DID notice that the cameras AVOIDED Maya Rudolph and Viggo Mortensen's cute daughter. Hollywood is crazy.

Anonymous said...

"Most of us black foks are still trying to get over the negative effects of having that fake ass cowboy from California in office. And after eight years of the frat boy, I am ready for any other political party besides the republicans at this point."


I still have to disagree with you field. Things didn't start getting screwed up for Black people when Reagan was in office. Black peope have been trying to recover from the negative effects of being kidnapped from our homelands and brought over here in chains and forced into servitude. Reagan's policies did screw up Blacks but the Democrats stood idly by and let this happen. They don't stand up for the rights of the truly disadvantaged so they are just as culpable in my eyes and are absolutely no better.

TLW

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Henry said...

It's become obvious by now that McCain is double-teaming Obama now with the explicit help of Hillary Clinton. Even considering that campaign's repugnance, she's been plumbing new depths.

What else could that jerkoff picture of Obama in Somali garb have been intended to do, the one over at Drudge Report? Obviously, Obama was attired that way as an act of courtesy while on a tour of African nations, but the Hillary campaign posted it explicitly to lodge into the heads of anxious, fear-driven white people who wouldn't bother to think critically:

http://www.drudgereport.com/flashoa.htm

This on top of that openly racist pro-Hillary skit on SNL (f*** that New York white-bread program, never liked it anyway), Hillary's campaign trying to insinuate that Obama was a domestic terrorist recently, her basically losing it in public at that recent rally against Obama's message (just embarrassing on her part). On top of prior acts of vote suppression, disqualifying millions of Obama voters in California and NY (no votes for Obama in Harlem-- yeah, right), trying to disenfranchise voters in Nevada and New Hampshire, the race-baiting around South Carolina, sending out those Obama-as-terrorist Emails during the Iowa caucuses and trying to stop Iowa college students from voting-- is there any reprehensible crap they haven't tried?

There was a time when I disliked the Clintons but still basically supported them. Now, I'm just waiting for the first meteor to land on Bill and Hillary Clinton and pulverize them. Or for army ants to surprise them and devour the Clintons head to toe, especially Hillary Clinton. In fact, the Clintons more or less have affirmed and reaffirmed that they consider African-Americans to be little more than lame insects in their eyes. So, I say that we, as those Black insects the Clintons scorn so much, make like the killer bees we are, swarm and devour Hillary Clinton and Bill. Show them that we are not to be pushed around.

Henry said...

Well, aside from the fulminant raging (with good reason)-- anyone out there who lives in Ohio or Texas, Vermont or Rhode Island, the Obama campaign needs phone-banking and foot-soldier volunteers to help with the effort. Plus donate if you can. (I know I'll be forking over $200, never done that before, in response to the Clintons' newest hate campaign-- if it means a bit of overtime, a couple hours on the weekend, it's damn well worth it.)

http://tinyurl.com/33kdg4

F*** this racist shit from Hillary KKKlinton and her campaign. We need to take her and Bill Clinton down and devour them. No more mercy for them.

Lola Gets said...

About #7
Yeah, dude needs to work on that. I used to like him, you know, for a Republican, way, waayy back before he started calling folks Gooks n' Spics n'shit. He might wanna try some psych meds for that.

L

Woozie said...

Funny post Mister Tibbs :)

hawa said...

You forgot one piece of advice for McCain:

Enlist the help of Tavis Not-Smiling as a double agent - an open Democrat secretly helping the Repubs destroy the leading Dem candidate. Heck, Tavis is still fuming over the smackdown he received on the internet for hatin on Obama - and he's too busy chasing his own press to care about Hillary.

Also. Charge McCain for your priceless advice and pad your timesheet. :-)

elle said...

man, I just seen the most recent speech that Hillary gave, in which she snapped and insulted th O man and after seeing this picture as a smear, I'v lost all f**king respect for the Cuntons. The mother effers are the worst type of racist, the undercover types that can shake your hand and pretend to talk like you and respect your pioneers, but calls you darky and spook in the back of their head. Lets just hope that this scare tactic doesn't work and get some dumb 'crossover' republican or coward centrist to the McCain side.

field negro said...

Chris, if I joined Blank Rome, I would never see the inside of a court room :)

Henry, the "O" man has already gotten enough cash out of this family. [And yes I snuck a peak at Mrs. Field's check book.]

Yes elle, the Borg Queen is out of control. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.

Dragon Horse said...

2 polls now show Obama ahead of Clinton in Texas for the first time:

http://www.realclearpolitics.com/epolls/2008/president/tx/texas_democratic_primary-312.html#polls

ARG +8 for Obama

CNN +4

If this increases to +10 I will fill comfortable, but he can not let her shake him in the debate tomorrow.

If he beats her in Texas and runs close in Ohio that is good enough, she is finished. I predict this will happen.

Dave said...

I've been very pleased with how promptly and adroitly the Obama campaign has responded to all these attacks. It makes me hopeful that the inevitable swiftboating attempts later on, in the run-up to the general election, will not stick.

elle said...

Thanks FN, your blog is the SH!T.
By the way, I heard that Nadar entering the race, and I'm worried that he might siphon votes from Bro bama,as many Progressives believe(rightfully) he isn't liberal enough. Everybody remembers what happen in 2000 when Nadar screwed it up for Gore.

AgentX said...

Your letter is too nice, FN. It's time I wrote him a letter

Dear Senator McCain,

Give up now. You are toast and you know it. This is your Dien Bien Phu and you are the French and the Democrats are the Vietnamese. And you know what happened there.

Sincerely,
Agent X

PS: You're screwed.

ZACK said...

I guess you're right about #5, if you don't have height, people don't take you seriously. Believe me- I know.
(STOP BY MY BLOG for a saddening reality check about being black and short and pitiful like me)

But McCain is just too old. Too old!

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