Monday, November 08, 2010

"Daddy's Home" (Not)


For professional and personal reasons I never talk about my job when I blog. But just this once I am going to speak in some generalities that won't put me in any professional hot water.

So anyway, brothers, can we talk? Have you ever wondered why it's so hard for some black men to build wealth? I have a theory, and it has to do with some of the things I see everyday on my plantation. Primarily, brothers having children out of wedlock; or children they were not prepared for. In case you didn't notice, kids are expensive. Let's forget, for a minute, the emotional commitment it takes to raise a child. We all know (at least we should) that there is a financial cost as well. A cost that happens to be mandated by law. So if you are a working man with just so much disposable income, bringing a little bundle of joy into the world without staking out your financial future isn't so smart.

I was moved to write about this subject after being punched in the gut with yet another frightening statistic about black children being born out of wedlock: SEVENTY TWO PERCENT! Let's forget about the wedlock part for a minute. Because, frankly, if daddy is at home and mommy and daddy didn't say I do, I don't really care. As long as daddy is home or close by holding it down, it's all good. Now there are a myriad of reasons, I am sure, for the high out of wedlock birth rate. --The article I link gives a few of them. But I submit to you my brothers that we could start bringing these numbers down tomorrow if we would just remember to strap on "jimmy" before we jam.

Having a child before you are ready--- or in a serious commitment with the child's mother, is not cool. If you are court ordered to pay child support (Which you shouldn't be. If the horse already left the barn you should be handling your business.) it will take a big chunk out of your finances, and you will always be behind the financial eight ball. This will leave you with no disposable income to save.

"...The drug epidemic sent disproportionate numbers of black men to prison and crushed the job opportunities for those who served their time. Women do not want to marry men who cannot provide for their families, and welfare laws created a financial incentive for poor mothers to stay single.

If you remove these inequalities, some say, the 72 percent will decrease.

“It’s all connected. The question should be, how has the black family survived at all?” says Maria Kefalas, co-author of “Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage.”

The book is based on interviews with 162 low-income single mothers. One of its conclusions is that these women see motherhood as one of life’s most fulfilling roles, a rare opportunity for love and joy, husband or no husband. "

Sorry mommy, if daddy can't afford to come out of his pocket, maybe you should find fulfillment from a nice hobby.

214 comments:

1 – 200 of 214   Newer›   Newest»
LACoincidental said...

Wow Field, 72%? Something is wrong. And frankly, I have family members who had out of wedlock kids where daddy's either in jail or not focused on raising their seeds.

It comes back to building self-esteem and responsibility in our young people. Sisters need to learn that a brother whose not talking about marriage isn't worth the panties. And brothers need to learn that if you're not thinking about raising a child, you should wrap it up.


I'm not calling for 'absence only' sex ed - even as a Christian, I thinks its nonsense. But, people who work to 'stay pure' probably have the right idea - don't get involved physically if you're not financial and emotionally ready.

Anonymous said...

Q: What's the difference between a black man and a pizza?

Anonymous said...

A: A pizza will feed a family.

Anonymous said...

"The book is based on interviews with 162 low-income single mothers. One of its conclusions is that these women see motherhood as one of life’s most fulfilling roles, a rare opportunity for love and joy, husband or no husband."

That is a crock. Only a dumb sista would say such a thing. Why are African Americans have the most problems in the country for the dumbest reasons? It is sickening.

Bob said...

http://amptoons.com/debate/index.php/2010/10/03/births-for-unmarried-black-women-have-been-dropping-for-decades/

Anonymous said...

Field, "I was moved to write about this subject after being punched in the gut with yet another frightening statistic about black children being born out of wedlock: SEVENTY TWO PERCENT!"

The 72% number is the exact percentage of black highschool dropouts at 72%! Terrible, just terrible...hopeless.

field negro said...

Anon. 11:35PM, I don't think it's hopeless. Let's get that word out of our vocabulary.

Bob, thanks for the link.

@ what La~Coincidental said.

Anon. 11:28 PM, I am going to have to talk to the president of Anon Inc. about you. Most Anons are at least funny. That was kind of weak.
But keep working at it. There are some funny people here who would be glad to give you some tips.

Anonymous said...

Field, "But I submit to you my brothers that we could start bringing these numbers down tomorrow if we would just remember to strap on "jimmy" before we jam."

How about self-restraint and a moral compass? That would not only reduce the numbers but develop a conscience that tells you to do the right thing. A conscience stops you from effing up in the first place. It tells you to be responsible and accountable not throw your life down the drain. THAT is the solution.

Why is it that you always talk about using a rubber when in reality it has NEVER worked for Blacks?

The bm are selfish lustful hounds, and the bw are 'starved for love' maidens. Why don't you write about responsibility, accountability and the preciousness of a new born life, that will end their life as they know it?

Motherhood before marriage does indicate a starved woman looking to 'get' love from her child instead of giving love to the child. But you can't give something you never had in the first place or never got yourself.

It is surprising that such a book would be written. Imo, it's someone who is trying to make a buck off the suffering of poor Blacks.

King Leo said...

This is not primarily on black males; only females can get pregnant.

Women have all the reproductive rights in this society; therefore they are making the conscious choice to have children out of wedlock.

Nothing will change until black women insist on a man's commitment before they bear his child.

Women cannot expect this commitment unless they reciprocate with fidelity; no man will rationally make a lifelong commitment without reasonable certainty that the children are his.

This is the central bargain of monogamy that has undergirded all successful human societies for thousands of years: Male commitment to support child rearing in return for the female offer of paternity certainty.

This deal has broken down for many Americans, most so for black Americans. Reestablishing these rules of engagement is the first necessary step in healing the culture.

Mack Lyons said...

Q: What's the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A: A pizza will feed a family.


You can tell when someone isn't serious about discussing an issue, let alone taking steps to resolve it.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but that was pretty damn funny.

PilotX said...

@ LA, I hate to say it but one of the reasons we have such a problem in this country, all of us, is the over reliance on religion. During the Bush years we actually had federal funding for asinine programs such as abstinance only and having been a horny teen I for one know that mother nature knew what she was doing when she came up with the plan to ensure our survival. Let's stop playing, give out as much contraception as we can to these teens. Same in the prisons, we all know why the HIV/AIDS rate is so high but we play dumb while people die. We as a country need to grow the F up, Jesus ain't caring if we give out condoms to lower our teen birth rates and if he does then that brotha ain't down anyway. Biology trumps religion any day.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

Coming fom a female pov, LA is correct. It is about self esteem. That's part of it. The other part is that there are no social consequences for bad behavior.
I'm looked at as a freak for NOT allowing my kids to associate with people who think the height of fatherhood is dropping the occasional child support check. Sorry, both great and simple minds think alike and you are known by the comapny you keep.
I also know alot of poor women who aren't poor any longer partially because they were intelligent enough NOT to do what the 72% of unsuccessful unwed mothers do. Combine this with healthy male/female relationships not being modeled daily along with the churches not wanting to stop the tithe money out of risk of offending girls like Sister Jenkins who has now found her calling as prophetess after having 4 bastard kids by three different men....sorry.

Bottom line, it's stupid and insane to keep repeating what doesn't work. We need to learn to value our selves and our children. Then these awful stats will start to get better. These girls (yes, because the burden always falls on them and the kids) must stop being selfish and want to do better for their kids who didn't ask to be here.

eldridge said...

@ PilotX:

Do you really think that a lack of access to contraception is to blame for a 72% out of wedlock birth rate? Shit, the schools pass out condoms to fourth graders now.

And you believe we have an over reliance on religion? God forbid anyone tries to reinforce any sense of moral responsibility on people. As regards biology, we are human beings, not dogs; we can make choices based on a sense of right and wrong.

Anonymous said...

'Come on field' abortion is the number one killer of black people,
I didnt marry my wife until 2 years after our children, so you sistas keep haven those babies and save our dying black race.
PS.
Field, stats can lye,too.

Anonymous said...

Field, "Anon. 11:28 PM, I am going to have to talk to the president of Anon Inc. about you. Most Anons are at least funny. That was kind of weak.
But keep working at it. There are some funny people here who would be glad to give you some tips."

Dear Mr. Field,

Just a short note to inform you that Anon, Inc does not accept, employ, or even consider hiring unqualified weak-ass anons.

Anon Inc has high standards to uphold. It is very conscientious and strives to maintain an impeccable and flawless image. Therefore, only the 'best of the best' are employed at Anon, Inc.

Nevertheless, as President of Anon Inc, let me say that I appreciate your concern and many thanks for notifying Anon Inc about anon11:28pm. It appears that he has been trying to pass as one of our anons on FN blog. Fortunately, his weak-ass game gave him away. Again, thanks for the notification.

As always, should you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call.

With Best Wishes,
President, Anon, Inc

Anonymous said...

"PS.
Field, stats can lye,too."

Oh...then forget it. It's probably a lie...Problem solved by another brilliant Negro.

Anonymous said...

Hey Prez, you can't fire me, unless of course you want people to see the pictures I have of you and AB.

I thought so. Now STFU.

Anonymous said...

I wonder what UTS would say about this out-of-control problem?

Imo, UTS would say, "It's not the bm's fault...he did nothing wrong. It is the bw who should keep her clothes on."

I agree 100%.

Anonymous said...

anon11:28p, 1:18am--"Hey Prez, you can't fire me, unless of course you want people to see the pictures I have of you and AB."

Let's talk..

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
Hey Prez, you can't fire me, unless of course you want people to see the pictures I have of you and AB.

I thought so. Now STFU.



Yeah, well don't threaten me. Don't forget the pictures I have od Uptown Steve, Mack Lyons and you practicing with your affirmative erections and sword fighting.

AB does this turn you on?

mellaneous said...

Brother Field it seems the conservative no names are wearing you down lately. Or was this a bone tossed to the conservatives.

Ah yes it sure is easy for those with more than their share of self esteem, good fortune and societal hurdling skills, to sit around and pontificate about the morals of poor black women.

They may not be all that, but they ain't killing other folks children for oil or gold, or power or just because they can!

Well not many of them (at least at their own behest) invaded Iraq on false pretenses, or bombed wedding parties in Afghanistan or allowed for the increase in poppy production, thus opening the door for the proliferation of more heroin addicts.

They are not sending drones to Pakistan assasinating folks and violating international law and then when they kill folks that were just going about their businees they turn around and call human beings, "collateral damage" like they were so much garbage. Nor are tehy sitting behind a joystick killing folks as if its some daggone game.

They didn't run around signing folks to mortgages with adjustable rates that they knew were going to go sky high and thus become unaffordable.

They didn't steal like the banksters who robbed workers blind and gambled and lost and then made us pay for it.

They don't behave like the barbarians in Colombia,like the Dole folks and the Coke folks who hired armed killers from the right wing paramilitary to murder union organizers. Those brave souls who were simply organizing to try to get a few more dollars out of these well masked thieves.

They don't work for the CIA, which along with their European and Rawandan ruling class friends oversee the least publicized genocide in modern history going on in the Republic of the Congo. And what was the murdering done for? Mainly that material that helps keep cell phones operating.

And they didn't exploit anybody elses children like the makers of "Waiting for Superman" who want to exploit the children who have already been victimized by this country's willing failure to educate the children of the ghettos. Yes the privatizers want to use the public school failure to make education a money making enterprise. Talk about cyncical; we won't make sure you get educated so we will now use that failure to profit of off you.

These single mothers don't make millions peddling guns all over the world allowing despots and dictators to reap havoc and murder on those that oppose them. Nor do they bring dope in the country while using the money to live the good life and send their kids to the best schools.

And they didn't create the evil combination of racism and sexism and classism that makes them feel like nobodies in the most technologically advanced and clearly the most morally retarded country in the world.



And we want to pick on folks who have sex cause its one of the few joys that these thieving murdering,lying,barbaric,dream killing son of a guns haven't taken away from them YET!

And BTW that study is accurate across the board for many poor women, folks may not like it but its their reality.

mellaneous said...

SO LETS REALLY TALK ABOUT MORALITY!!

Anonymous said...

Abortion being sold to Rational Adults as the greatest killer? Can we say "Troll"?
Must be those AfAm wimmens don' know whas good fer 'em and some dudebro has the answer.
Here's a Hint, Troll...Michelle Obama and her girls will always be talking down to you..and given the choice between continuing your Darwin Award winning 'jeans'...will chose the Rational Option.

Odd, you can live in rural Whitesylvania and see the same 'pathology'. Marrying sounds good if you are the twice-pregnant daughter of the spotlight obsessed QuitGovernor of a state on Welfare. For a low-skill woman who wants to have children before the risks pile up(autism, autism, Downs and infertility)it is economically sound to avoid marriage. They might have a man around...but the medical benefits from DPW outweigh some outsiders need to control her life.
Besides, consider the available 'suitors'. He may be fine for providing genetic material(babydaddy)...not so much for being a Dad or Spouse.

Mold

focusedpurpose said...

Field-

i commend you for at least ATTEMPTING to address the obvious. it should be noted however that you ended your thoughts by somehow shifting the responsibility back to the women.

what IF men became as preoccupied with pushing little pills that they must take in order to PREVENT unwanted/unplanned for pregnancies HALF as much as men push little pills to keep their organs up and working after it has it become too tired to stay up of its own volition? what IF men had to remember to take pills to PREVENT unwanted/unplanned for pregnancies, understanding BOTH parties must be responsible?

until more black males get with the program...hopeless IS the best word to describe the situation. anyone suggesting otherwise is engaging in magical thinking. good luck with that...

Shady_Grady said...

King Leo made good points.
It takes two to tango.
Everyone knows how babies are made. Responsibility is equally shared by the woman and the man. Or at least it SHOULD be. Women have post conception choices that men do not have.

But it's their life and if people want to make what I see as stupid choices, that's on them. Just don't expect other people to underwrite their decisions.

field negro said...

Mellaneous, thanks to folks like the president of Anon Inc., the Anons. are not wearing me down. I post what's on my mind. Period. Still, as you can see, some of those folks have some serious issues. Hell they are even threatening their own Prez. :)

And I love what you said about faux morality. (See what Eldridge said)

I am feeling what King Leo said as well.



"I also know alot of poor women who aren't poor any longer partially because they were intelligent enough NOT to do what the 72% of unsuccessful unwed mothers do. Combine this with healthy male/female relationships not being modeled daily along with the churches not wanting to stop the tithe money out of risk of offending girls like Sister Jenkins who has now found her calling as prophetess after having 4 bastard kids by three different men....sorry."


Smashed...where your church at? I need to go this morning, cause you be preaching.

Focusedporpose I have a question for you: When two people decide to have consensual sex, is it a 50% 50% endeavor, or do we assume that one of the individuals- based on their gender- should take more responsibility for the outcome?

Anonymous said...

focusedpurpose said...
Field-

i commend you for at least ATTEMPTING to address the obvious. it should be noted however that you ended your thoughts by somehow shifting the responsibility back to the women.


That type of argument is like Mellaneous blaming the white man for all his problems based on the choices he made in life.

At the end of the day , there is only one person who can absolutely make the decision to have safe sex, protect themselves or "do something" about it, with only one person being able to absolutely walk away without being pregnant.
So wether its fair or not, I would protect myself and not leave it to some brother who wants none of that anyhows.

Hathor said...

blogger ate my last comment

I did check to see if it posted

O'Gurl said...

I think that the type of music that promotes illicit sex, and the way women and men dress that expose themselves in unmodest ways promotes illegitimate births. Drugs and alcohol are also factors.

There are many factors involved but in a nutshell i think people are looking for love in all the wrong places.

uptownsteve said...

"The book is based on interviews with 162 low-income single mothers. One of its conclusions is that these women see motherhood as one of life’s most fulfilling roles, a rare opportunity for love and joy, husband or no husband."

That is a crock. Only a dumb sista would say such a thing. Why are African Americans have the most problems in the country for the dumbest reasons? It is sickening,"

I hate to break your bubble but that's the reason for the off the chart OOW in the black community right there.

Nobody is going to convince that white men are any more sexually responsible or possess any more of a moral compass than black men.

That's a pile of $hit.

You're not going to convince anyone with an operating brain that white women are every bit as sexually active than black women.

The difference is that black women view giving birth as a right of passage. A fulfillment of womenhood. Whether in a relationship or not.

uptownsteve said...

focusedpurpose

"it should be noted however that you ended your thoughts by somehow shifting the responsibility back to the women."

Well, they're the ones who controll this issue whether you want to accept it or not.

If it is a question of who gets stuck raising the baby with no or little support, that horse is already out of the barn.

So why aren't sisters like YOU making the case to other bw that they have to be responsible for themselves????

Do not let a man enter your body without one of you being protected.

Or, since you claim black women are so much stronger than men, don't engage in sexual activity unless you are in a committed relationship.

Nah, it's so much easier to rail against black men.

You're a total fraud.

Anonymous said...

Steve I think you make a valid point. White women esp middle and upper class women are just as sexually active, but they hide it better and definitely hide their MISTAKES better.

But many poor women do indeed see motherhood as something that will relieve them of their misery. Its one of those things that no matter how much folks don't like or want to debate,is true anyhow.

IN the same vein as I said earlier if you want to talk morality you don't start with poor women. Clearly the Bible doesn't see it that way. I am surprised that my fellow Christians don't take time to dispell this misperception and talk about how the God of the Old Testament and how Jesus view the idea of justice and morality.

Field -glad to know they the anons have not worn you down. But they sure add a very odd and backward leaning twist to the blog these days. But its good for having real debate sometimes. WEll at least when they are open to it.

alicia banks said...
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alicia banks said...

fn:

it shocked me too...but not because it read 72%...but because i see 90% of pregnant teens and serial deadbeat dads daily...

it is way too late to stop a turbo breeding epidimic that has become as toxic and addictive as drugs LONG ago...

shame!!!!!!!!
and buybull toting sheeple can find nothing more to do than bash sterile gays?????

all i can suggest:

maybe we should force all girls to become elementary school teachers for the doomed children of these turbo breeders

teaching is the new birth control!!!

Anonymous said...

Prez said..."Yeah, well don't threaten me. Don't forget the pictures I have old Uptown Steve, Mack Lyons and you practicing with your affirmative erections and sword fighting"

Just a little harmless thrust and parry, if you know what I mean, some manly jostling among friends done strictly in a manful manner. Although Mack brings a stiletto to a saber fight, and it takes a whole jar of viagra for uptown to get halfway there (Shabbaz says it's always like pushing spaghetti through a keyhole when they get together).

But point taken, and I'll keep my zoo action photo collection to myself.

One question: Does AB have to pay you to shave her back, or is that just something you need to do before you'll climb on?

Hathor said...

UTS,

You know what you get when men don't take responsibility and women withhold sex. RAPE

Especially when you have an adult male and a teenage girl.

Ya'll don't call it that, it's that she wants it, she a slut or any other lame reasons you can take advantage.

alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...

anon:

the pizza joke was very racist

and very funny

turbo breeding is a global epidimic

ie

hobama is the son of a serial deadbeat daddy with rainbow spouses
&

white wigga girls like maria breed millions of bastard hobama babies too...etc

fyi

___

assnon:

my flawless skin is as smooth as your brain and as hairless as your bald head...

why do u black oj apes love hairy wfs like maria so????

uptownsteve said...

So Hathor,

Are you suggesting that women have no choice or responsibility in this?

If they refuse, then they'll be RAPED?

C'mon stop it. Rapists are criminals and not the norm.

The average sexual encounter is between two consenting participants.

But I see that some of you sisters are just going to continue the same old tired finger pointing that will solve nothing.

Ask the average baby daddy have they ever heard these words.... "I'm going to have this baby whether you're going to be a part of it or not."

Or maybe this one...."I just wanted to someone to love and someone to love me."

alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...

assnon:

if u r a wm:

why do you stupid hairy apes have no leashes on your jungle fevered untamed hairy she beasts...

why are they rejecting you all so as they turbo breed endless hobama babies???

alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"why do u black oj apes love hairy wfs like maria so????"

Maria is way too hairy for my tastes. That's Wild Kingdom territory.

alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...

uts:

these love thirsty pregnant girls u gleefully bash usually need men to love them because their daddies were ghosts who never loved their moms...

the abandonment and dysfunction are cyclical and generational

but sexist dogs like u always ignore such details as you blame only victimized females...

carry on!

alicia banks said...

uts:

cheer up

female turbo breeders today abandon and abuse boys as much as deadbeat dads too...

u should be really happy and content now you psycho sexist dog

uptownsteve said...

AB

"these love thirsty pregnant girls u gleefully bash usually need men to love them because their daddies were ghosts who never loved their moms..."

So why don't they go get those white men who you and FP claim are so hot for black women?

Certainly they'll treat them better, marry them and be a father to the kids, right?

maria said...

the 72% figure came from a Pew report released in may.

http://pewresearch.org/pubs/1586/changing-demographic-characteristics-american-mothers

you can focus on the unwed black mother stat but that is only part of the story.

from the study: "Another notable change during this period was the rise in births to unmarried women. In 2008, a record 41% of births in the United States were to unmarried women, up from 28% in 1990. The share of births that are non-marital is highest for black women (72%), followed by Hispanics (53%), whites (29%) and Asians (17%), but the increase over the past two decades has been greatest for whites -- the share rose 69%."

the increase has been the greatest for WHITES.

as usual the black woman is getting the blame.

And the report said this, which also isn't highlighted (from the NYT)
"Titled “The New Demography of American Motherhood,” the Pew analysis, which is to be released Thursday, found that the birthrate among black teenagers plummeted almost in half, from 62 for every 1,000 to 33 — below the rate among Hispanic teenagers."

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/06/us/06moms.html

alicia banks said...

uts:

unlike you and maria, most people prefer to love people who look like they do...

that is news only to ojs and nicoles like u!!!

uptownsteve said...

"as usual the black woman is getting the blame."

No actually it's black men who are getting the blame as you can see from black man vs pizza joke or Hathor's assertion that OOW births are the results of rape.

All OOW birth stats indicate for certain is that the parents of the child are not married.

THAT'S IT.

It does not factor in unmarried couples who co-habitate, or couples who are not married at the time of the child's birth but eventually DO get married.

Mostly it doesn't factor men who may not married to the mother of their child but who are actively involved in the rearing of the child and are paying big child support.

I can attest to this last phenonmenon because it describes a couple of my friends.

alicia banks said...

uts:

deadbeat dads and turbo breeders come in all colors...wms included

but

true nigs who hate their moms/hair/faces/children who look like them etc always come in black males like YOU!!!

bet!!!

alicia banks said...

uts:

proof?

michael jackson surgically mutilated and bleached himself into paris hilton...

but elvis never became naomi campbell...

u feel me u racist sexist dog?

maria said...

what i was trying to point out is the out of wedlock birth rate has gone up most for white women and it has dropped most for black teens.

i wouldn't marry if i had to to do over again. i don't believe in it and never did. thought it would give me some measure of security for having kids. it did not. i at least would have saved the cost of the divorce.

you can get child support either way, married or unmarried. and my X is not involved in raising my children in any way and never was.

i agree with steve that the presumption is the man isn't involved. that is often not the case.

i do not wish to see my children married and i would not encourage it. in committed relationships, sure, and if they want to have kids, that would be better. but it's not essential. and sometimes having kids BREAKS UP the marriage.

Anonymous said...

A lot of men don't want to get married when there are soooo many women who are willing to give up their goods without the honor of marriage. Virginity is not valued in most cases.

If children are born as a result of these illicit relationships they often wind up as wards of the state or welfare recipients. Which creates a burden on everyone.

Anonymous said...

maria said..."the increase has been the greatest for WHITES...as usual the black woman is getting the blame."

You're not very good with numbers, are you: 29% vs. 72%.

This reminds of when AIDS was epidemic, and the media would trumpet that the rate of new cases was highest among heterosexual teen girls (50%!) because the annual number of cases went from 6 to 9, whereas the rate among gay males was more stable (only 40% increase!), because the numbers went from 100,000 to 140,000.

Out of wedlock births are a problem that obviouslty affects everyone, but the pathology is furthest advanced among blacks.

It is interesting to note that when Moynihan first spoke about this issue in 1965, the black rate was 24%, and the white rate 4%. I'm not sure we can take 45 more years of "progressivism".

La♥audiobooks said...

Field, FP was on target when she noted how you shifted the responsibility back to women. When I first read this post, I knew it was too good to be true.

To the others, the way I see it, both men and women hold the responsibility, this should be universal. However in the black communities we have always directed our condemnation and attention towards the black female to bear the responsibly, shame and burden of unwanted pregnancies among other things. This is nothing new. Nothing is changing. Don't you think it is about time we direct our "attention" on the other end of the spectrum for a difference in strategy?

When it comes to sex most women behave through vulnerable emotions, while most men behave through 'function' and calculation. It's only common sense.

You can direct and "educate" the citizens in a crime infested neighborhood to lock their doors and invest in security systems all you want, but if you don't go after the burglars and contain them off the streets, they will always be on the "loose" to adapt and find mew vulnerabilities against the security system that you only focus on. The job will become tedious on that one end alone. How is this practical?

alicia banks said...

uts:

millions of wms are "hotter for bfs" than ojs like you will ever be for maria...get over that!

ask
zoe saldana
diana ross
kerry washington
alfre woodard
whoopi goldberg
paula patton
halle berry
ETC!!!!!!!

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=2&ved=0CBgQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DdqEL-7QTYsI&ei=kmfZTIKQDoLGlQfV6ayBCQ&usg=AFQjCNHihaIF-1i4VNLRZqBYDdGLTZ3dpw

alicia banks said...

laa:

ditto

notice how racist sexist dogs like uts always ignore the millions of hobama babies created by slave owners who owned papers on their black concubine???

he blames bf slaves for those rapes too

shame!!!

maria said...

Anonymous said...
maria said..."the increase has been the greatest for WHITES...as usual the black woman is getting the blame."

You're not very good with numbers, are you: 29% vs. 72%.


you're not very good with reading, are you? just excerpting and cutting and pasting to change meaning?

i was clearly referring to the study finding that the RATE OF INCREASE of out of wedlock birth was the greatest among white women over the two decade period.

Anonymous said...

maria said...

"i do not wish to see my children married and i would not encourage it."

What a great mother you are, Maria, passing on your failures to your children. Everyone lives their life on their own terms, but human experience points to marriage as the cornerstone of society and as the best path toward personal happiness. Personally, I would like to see my children do better than me.

Anonymous said...

@ maria:

way to prove my point. thanks.

alicia banks said...

anon:

aids is genocide
bio war created at ft detrick md by us govt sci...

it was injected into africans and gays and junkies of all races...

what was MOST ignored about gay men is how they IMMEDIATELY changed their sexual behaviors to LIVE while gaybashing hets are STILL infecting each other and dying...

see much more on the bio war and het stat games re aids

http://aliciabanks.xanga.com

uptownsteve said...

"However in the black communities we have always directed our condemnation and attention towards the black female to bear the responsibly, shame and burden of unwanted pregnancies among other things."

Will you stop this bull$hit??

If the pregancies were UNWANTED then there are several routes one can take to avoid having the baby.

I agree that both sides have to take responsibility but Jesus Christ LAA 3 generations of single mothers raising children should be enough evidence for even the dimmest of us to take responsibility for yourself if you don't want to be stuck with a child you cannot feed.

I have two handsome popular sons and when they reached puberty I did the same thing with them that my dad and grandad did with me.

I brought a box of condoms into their room and told them with all seriousness that if they ever got a girl pregnant that I would pull them out of school and make them go to work to support the baby.

I could tell by their expression that they were scared $hitless just as I was 20 some years earlier.

Granted a lot of black boys don't have the inhouse male influence to guide them and that's where black women have to step up and school their daughters and stop the pathetic victimhood.

Anonymous said...

@ LAA: King Leo at 12:14 said it best:

"This is not primarily on black males; only females can get pregnant.

Women have all the reproductive rights in this society; therefore they are making the conscious choice to have children out of wedlock.

Nothing will change until black women insist on a man's commitment before they bear his child.

Women cannot expect this commitment unless they reciprocate with fidelity; no man will rationally make a lifelong commitment without reasonable certainty that the children are his.

This is the central bargain of monogamy that has undergirded all successful human societies for thousands of years: Male commitment to support child rearing in return for the female offer of paternity certainty.

This deal has broken down for many Americans, most so for black Americans. Reestablishing these rules of engagement is the first necessary step in healing the culture."



Yes, basically Money for Sex, although in a long term, exclusive deal.

Justice58 said...

Hi Field,

Just want to show you guys how other countries have laid out the red carpet for our President.

President Obama Receives Indonesian Guard of Honour



http://3chicspolitico.com/



SouthernGirl2

maria said...

Anonymous said...
maria said...

"i do not wish to see my children married and i would not encourage it."

What a great mother you are, Maria, passing on your failures to your children. Everyone lives their life on their own terms, but human experience points to marriage as the cornerstone of society and as the best path toward personal happiness. Personally, I would like to see my children do better than me.

10:30 AM

really? too funny. because marriage didn't work for me, so i don't want to see my kids married DUH. how well do you read?


percentage of out of wedlock births for white women
in 1990-- 17%
in 2008 29%--that's a 69% increase MORON

percentage of out of wedlock births for black women
1990 67%
2008 72%

La♥audiobooks said...

It doesn't surprise me how King Leo lopsidedly highlights the chauvinistic 'primal thinking' of men regarding their expectations of women, and don't forget in a male hierarchy of all places. Yet he waste no time to amplify the reproductive functions and the same monogamist preparations required of women, and while ignoring her 'primal emotions' that males ARE TRAINED to exploit into submission within the same male hierarchy.

I am so tired of hearing how black women hold the womb and the choices regarding oow children. Do you know how many black males have been taking cues from that mess? LOL. And you wonder why oow is so rampant in the black comm? That's the problem right there. Some of these men think it's to be expected to run rampant and drop their unaccountable micro membranes on every doorstep because they know the black comm will always tell them it is not their fault, they were victims, LOL.

Only the black comm preach that mess, all the other communities aren't having it with white and non-black men who are serial sperm spreaders. And they are not having it with black males either. Especially the growing number of black males who leave their brownish fatherless uncombed wild dry-haired children all over the place with the growing numbers of unmarried non-black women. (I guess white and non-black women are also in this growing count and conspiracy to create more oow 'black looking' children for people to label as BLACK and to make the black man look like victims). There's a common problem and a common denominator folks, it's not the black woman. Black men need to get THIER acts together and start preaching to other BLACK MEN to be more responsible.

But you know what I also find interesting, most black males outside of Africa have been fighting to retain their masculinity and whatever male chauvinistic hierarchy they have over (black) women, but when it comes to acknowledging and performing the responsibilities required in a male hierarchy, some black males "choose" to come up short.

La♥audiobooks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...

uts:

why not bash the dads who are not there like u/ who never buy condoms or teach sons rather than the girls they use and impregnate and abandon then?????

Anonymous said...

@ maria:

You still can't get it! LOL!

alicia banks said...

laa::

preach!!!

nigs like uts use to cherish marias

now all those wfs are alone at the bus stops with their hobama babies just like the sistas

ditto!!!

PilotX said...

@ Eldridge, religion and morality are often two different things. Dogs, humans, bears, birds et all are just biological entities and the sooner we figure it out we can move on. Prove to me condoms are given to 4th graders. If you're gonna drive you do use your seatbelt right? Your morality and mine are two different things, I'm sure you don[t want me teaching your kids my sense of morality and I sure as hell don't want you teaching mine, besides it violates the 1st amendment in public schools. Lastly I said contraception which is not always condoms. You try teaching a 16 year old boy that it's wrong to have such feelings, you'd have better luck teaching a tiger it's wrong to eat you. Good luck with that.

alicia banks said...

uts:

if they start counting single white moms with black babies the stats will soar way above 72%!!!

Anonymous said...

@Focused Purpose
I recently retired from the Dept. of Job and Family Services (DJFS) in my jurisdiction. Included in the DJFS is the Child Support Enforcement Agency (CSEA). I have first hand knowledge of how paternity of out-of-wedlock (OOW) babies is determined.

One of the problems the CSEA had is that oftentimes the bio dad couldn't be determined. This is because the mother had had sex with MULTIPLE men at or about the time of conception and so the CSEA had to test MULTIPLE men to determine the bio dad. When this happened (and it happened OFTEN), the CSEA was sometimes NEVER able to determine who the bio dad is.

Is the FACT that so many black girls/women are sleeping with MULTIPLE men at or about the time of conception (which makes it difficult, and in some cases impossible, to find the bio dad) ALL the black man's fault?

This problem is FAR more common among blacks than most people realize.

I'd like your input on this, Focused Purpose.

alicia banks said...

ask any teacher

most children of all races today are sexually active at 10 or younger

and many 10 yr old girls of all races are sxually active with their 25 yr old moms' 20 yr old boyfriends/"stepdads"/"uncles"

that is the reality of our twisted world that racist oj nigs like uts cannot see beyond their rose colored glasses while staring at maria's hairy pink skin!!!!

TreasurerOfAnonInc said...

AB The Walrus Mustache said

aids is genocide
bio war created at ft detrick md by us govt sci...

it was injected into africans and gays and junkies of all races...


So you are saying the government KNEW that there were a lot of Black Men Like Uptown Steve who would be on the down low, takin the old stovepipe in the shitter and then spreading aids to their women? Or that the Government knew that Black women would sleep around as much as they do so that 1 in 3 today have aids?

Wow, the government sure was smart if they pulled this one off.

I guess its better to believe a superior power made you get sick , then to take responsibility for your own actions. I mean its almost childlike.

La♥audiobooks said...

AB at 10:44, exactly.

uptownsteve said...

King Leo

"Women have all the reproductive rights in this society; therefore they are making the conscious choice to have children out of wedlock.

Nothing will change until black women insist on a man's commitment before they bear his child."

This is the undisputed truth and all the rest is just tangential bull$hit.

White men and women have every bit as much premarital or extramarital sex as blacks do.

White women for the most part are not going to be baby mamas.

cleo said...

LAA said: "it's not the black woman. Black men need to get THIER acts together and start preaching to other BLACK MEN to be more responsible."

black men can't get pregnant.

black women need to use contraception or cross their legs until until they sign a legal contract (marriage)that obligates the "sperm donor" to help raise their progeny.

this is so obvious as to be laughable. the problem is that women give their wombs away for free, and then live a life of regret. over and over agian. how dumb is that?

alicia banks said...

if hobama was visiting the usa to hand us some more jobs as he is doing in india...we would lay out the red carpet too.

in the usa, we are using all our carpet of all colors to make all of our cardboard condos more cushy as we are homeless in the streets.

alicia banks said...
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alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
uptownsteve said...

"black men can't get pregnant.

black women need to use contraception or cross their legs until until they sign a legal contract (marriage)that obligates the "sperm donor" to help raise their progeny.

this is so obvious as to be laughable. the problem is that women give their wombs away for free, and then live a life of regret. over and over agian. how dumb is that?"

You're right but if you listen LAA and AB they are not accepting any responsibility whatsoever.

The problem according to them is solely with black men and that's all there is to it.

Pathetic.

alicia banks said...

assnon:

illiterate fools like you cannot handle any truth

ie

your govt lies like you do

your govt creates genocide to kill
useless eaters like you

the avg walrus and its moustache are BOTH far more intelligent and revered than you...

&

even aids cannot stop your white women from raping black men and turbo breeding hobama babies!!

!

alicia banks said...

uts:

black men need birth control too no???

why do they not use more condoms or have more dads present to teach them how to do so???

alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...

uts:

u r a pathological soulless blatant liar

ie
lac is always lying about how i only attack black women...what???

both of u lie because u are too inept to tell ALL truths about ALL black women AND men including hobama as laa and i do!!!!

alicia banks said...

uts:

when u post blatant lies

do u pretend that all other posts herein that prove your posts to be blatant lies just magically disappear????

got a magic show kit?

cleo said...

alicia banks said...
uts:

"black men need birth control too no???"


of course they do, but the most infuential factor in taking resposibility will be by the insistence of women, and the expectations placed on them by the wider community.

as long as the the current situation is accepted and treated as "normal", nothing will change.

alicia banks said...

cleo:


real men do not blame women for what they do or fail to do

men and women are equally responsible for making a baby and buying condoms and pills etc
100% equally!

my mother taught me to protect myself because it was my body and my life that mattered most...
&
my mother did not have a baby until she was 20 and married.

most girls today get no advice from moms who have 4 babies by 4 men and their first baby at 14...

i do not expect others to live my reality as uts does

i deal with the real

and blaming ONLY girls for what boys and girls do together = real failure!!!!

Anonymous said...

It was women who by and large walked away from the marriage contract.

Feminism is the enemy of children.

Anonymous said...

Alice Banks said:
"why not bash the dads who are not there like u/ who never buy condoms or teach sons rather than the girls they use and impregnate and abandon then?????"

Me:
In order to "abandon" someone there had to be an emotional "attachment" on BOTH sides. Most black OOW births today are not the result of "loving" couples (or even couples who like each other) getting together. At best, the OOW child resulted from a STRICTLY CASUAL sexual encounter. NOTHING MORE.

Most young black people (under the age of 40) today are INCAPABLE of love/romance. Most of them can only fulfill a primal sexual urge and NOTHING more. They're just two INDIVIDUALS having raw sex. They DON'T EVEN LIKE EACH OTHER in most cases.

I'm not making any of this up. I saw the fallout every day when I worked for the DJFS.

uptownsteve said...

But with white young people it's all starry eyed romance and committment????

Getdafugouttahere.

alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...

anon

alicia
not alice

ditto

that is why NO one male or female who knows that they are laying down for LOVELESS MEANINGLESS FLEETING casual sex should EVER risk the permanent eternal costs and pains of making a baby...ever!!!

i was deeply closeted from 17-21
and
i was on the pill for a month as a virgin!


i am glad i had great parents

i cannot fathom why any couple het or gay would want to add children to ANY marriage

i would never bring any child into this horrid world that i hate so...
there are too many here already and lost who need saving....more than enough to keep ALL childless persons busy!!!

Hathor said...

UTS,

I usually don't male bash, but I do see you defending all that is wrong. There is no concept in which you see as inherent bad behavior or any which you don't see black women as the moral arbiters of black men. Only your mother should hold that responsibility of their child.
Black women in a relationship are not the mother.

Being responsible for pregnancy should be the responsibility of both people involved. Apparently you think that saying no or crossing one's legs will stop the coercion. All rape is not held at gunpoint. Ignorance also plays apart, the myths perpetuated and told to someone who knows no better, is coercion. I was surprised to find out that young people still believed that they couldn't get pregnant standing up, fifty years after it was a myth in my time.

You also act if its OK for men to have a libido and act upon it no matter the circumstance, but women are stoic and only want sex for procreation, so it really must be easy for them to say no.

I don't think it is that hard for men to be responsible if they are encouraged to do so. In most conversations of this kind, there are always tired excuses why men can't be responsible, which reinforces irresponsibility. The boys need that talk and not expected that boys will be boys. Some of these baby daddies come from homes that are intact (with both parents). They have roll models, but somehow either the parents have failed to get the message through or didn't have the talk and let society teach the values.

There are Black men who are responsible, but that doesn't cancel out those who are not. When I speak of those who are not I am not trying to indict a whole race. I believe that sex education should be comprehensive and to include more than just the mechanics and given in middle school. I think access to contraception should be better, even for teenagers. I also think that they should do a "scared straight" film on STD's and not just for HIV.

The Black church as I see it is one of the biggest obstacles toward preventing unwanted pregnancy or out of wedlock pregnancy.

alicia banks said...

ditto!


boyce watkins is a great man and a great single dad!

While I can certainly drone on and on about the many ways in which Evander Holyfield hurt himself financially, I am not going to do that. He has earned over $100 million dollars in his career, including the unprecedented $34 million dollar payday he received for getting his ear bitten off by Mike Tyson. Much of that money appears to be gone, as he has had his mansion in foreclosure, and has been getting sued left and right by companies to whom he owes quite a bit of money.

What gets my attention the most about Evander Holyfield is his decision to have 11 children. Two or three kids, I can understand – it happens. But in order to have 11 children, you have to be determined to keep your woman as naked as possible. You also have to be incredibly sloppy (or perhaps irresponsible) when it comes to the use of protection, which is another disturbing issue within itself. Yes, children are a blessing, but having children you can’t afford to take care of is incredibly problematic.

http://newsone.com/entertainment/sports-entertainment/boycewatkins/opinion-evander-holyfield-and-the-art-of-the-babys-mama/

Phil4Real said...

Hey FN,
Check out Walmarts new toy for Christmas.

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Fisher-Price-My-First-Dollhouse-with-Caucasian-Family/14931104


We've come a long ways. Where's the black family and is there one parent?

uptownsteve said...

Hathor,

"You also act if its OK for men to have a libido and act upon it no matter the circumstance, but women are stoic and only want sex for procreation, so it really must be easy for them to say no."

I said no such thing.

Any man who forces sex upon an unwilling women should jailed and punished.

My problem is that you, AB, and LAA are demanding that MEN be responsible and making no such demands from the women who control the situation.

You are not going to tell me that if black women in masse insisted upon relationships or protection before allowing a man to enter their bodies that the OOW birth rates would drop by half tomorrow.

As long as you sister continue with this ridiculous posturing of innocence and victimhood nothing is going to change.

You are just as wrong and just as cupable as black men.

You just refuse to accept it.

Sad.

Anonymous said...

Evander Holyfield is my hero!

alicia banks said...

the black church is way too busy bashing sterile childless gays and protecting dl gay tree jumpers for jesus like eddie long to bother giving a damn about poor het teen moms...shame!!!

alicia banks said...

more great wisdom from a great black man and a great single dad

dr. boyce watkins

My advice to young black men and black athletes is pretty simple:

- Have all the fun you want, just learn to do things in moderation. Getting wasted at the club will only get you arrested, and sleeping with every cute girl you see will only give you unwanted pregnancies, massive child support payments and a long list of venereal diseases

- If you’re not ready to be faithful to your wife, then don’t get married. This is not a morality judgement, it’s a financial one. Why pay millions of dollars to get out of a relationship for doing the things you can do freely as a single man? I’m not condoning one lifestyle over another, but Tiger Woods paid $100 million dollars for sleeping with other women. Had he been a single man, no one would have cared who he was sleeping with.

I had a child when I was 18-years old. She was my only biological child. Since that time, I’ve adopted and mentored other kids, which has been the single greatest achievement of my life. All the while, I felt the cold grip of the child support system, which doesn’t care if you don’t have the money to pay. It is also not designed to give a damn about father’s rights or keeping families together. It was absolute hell dealing with this process and the relationship with my child was significantly strained as a result of that experience. Personally, I found myself squeaking out the massive amount of money I was required to pay, and then being given no accountability regarding what the money was used for. The process was a bitter one, but it was one of my own creation.

I can say that I only made that mistake one time, and from that point on, I was very careful with my personal choices. So, when I see guys who have more babies mothers and children than they can count, I truly feel bad for the fact that they just don’t realize what they’re getting into. Athletes are even worse off, because the big money from professional sports eventually comes to an end, and when it does, the child support courts are still going to demand thousands of dollars from you every single month.



http://drboycespeaks.blogspot.com/2010/08/black-athletes-and-all-their-children.html

alicia banks said...

uts:

u lying blind mama hating sexist fool

quote me or stfu

Moni De Lynch said...

We know this is an issue in the black community. Instead of pointing a finger of blame, let’s uplift the community. We have a high rate of single mothers on welfare: instead of making them feel even worse about their situation, let’s encourage them to go to school or learn a trade. If the child sees at least one parent doing it, it may encourage them to be productive members of our black community. Encourage black males to at least take part in the upbringing of their children and get them to make their position greater in whatever capacity they see fit to do so.

I agree we need comprehensive sexual education would be a marvelous plan of action in the reduction of unintended pregnancy. Unwed pregnancy seems a bit outdated especially seeing as 1 in almost every 2 marriages in America end in divorce. The productive of these divorces bring about what? More single mothers (and fathers). Would it make your prospects higher if you tell your potential suitor/mate that you were married when you had kids? Probably not, so it’s time we get over it.

To finish this off, it’s great to have a high horse to ride until someone shoots your horse and you have to walk like the rest of us; stop being the prosecutor and be the proliferator of the black community. We know the cause, now we need a remedy, not another placebo.

That’s it. Thanks ^_^

Anonymous said...

The story that is linked to here does not contain a single word indicting that this black obgyn, who keeps delivering baby after baby, now on her second generation, ever talks to her patients about birth control.

At all. She just thinks women should get married. How realistic is that? She's part of the problem!!

alicia banks said...
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alicia banks said...

uts:

u r the biggest hypocrite on this blog

how can you dare accuse hathor of lying on you when you can NEVER EVER quote laa or myself on all the INCESSANT LIES u tell on us!!!!

ie

"My problem is that you, AB, and LAA are demanding that MEN be responsible and making no such demands from the women who control the situation."

LIKE HOBAMA - U LIE UTS!!!!!

when???????

where?????


quote us you IGNORANT dirty sexist racist colorist lying bastard!!!!!!

or stfu!!!!!!!

Hathor said...

UTS,
As long as you sister continue with this ridiculous posturing of innocence and victimhood nothing is going to change.

You said this, I did not.

Still reinforcing bad behavior from men. You are saying; "You don't have to do anything, it's the black woman's fault": when you say "You are not going to tell me that if black women in masse insisted upon relationships or protection before allowing a man to enter their bodies that the OOW birth rates would drop by half tomorrow."

Rottnkid said...

If you are court ordered to pay child support (Which you shouldn't be...it will take a big chunk out of your finances, and you will always be behind the financial eight ball. This will leave you with no disposable income to save.

----
Ain't that the truth. How I get around that is getting a 2nd job. May not cover what I'm paying out but is helps soften the "blow". On top of paying CS for my boy, I pay for his cloths, pay for his haircuts, pay for whatever he needs for Field trips at school, Christmas, etc.. Thank God his Mom agreed to pay for his Medical - on her own accord - as the state was trying to hem me up on that! That would have been an extra $157.00 a month. I also enrolled in the 529 college plan for him so my ass doesn't have to work my ass off when does go to school. I take him on trips and all that. It's not a matter of "doing the right thing" I actually like my kid and I want him to know who his Dad is..As far as kids not "handling their business", I feel sorry for them because, in my opinion, there is no excuse. There's ways to "win" but you just have to be smart about it but I will say - It's cheaper to keep her. OK LAA, I'm ready. ;D

Rottnkid said...

As far as kids not "handling their business"
I meant Men.

Anonymous said...

AB -----the avg walrus and its moustache are BOTH far more intelligent and revered than you...

Of course you feel this way. You have a walrus moustache on your face. How long do you let it hold your girls juices so you can lick it at work all day before you wash it? Do you use it to clean bottles and pans?

&

even aids cannot stop your white women from raping black men and turbo breeding hobama babies!!

Yup. Someone has to take all those rejected fat smelly ho's and crazy witches. No self respectin white wants them, so they have to pick the bottom of the barrel. You know the guys who have no manhood,pride, respect for self or others, gets a woman pregnant and then lets her fend for herself. Pretty much even animals in the jungle dont do this, they stick by their mate.

Anonymous said...

alicia banks said...

i was deeply closeted from 17-21
and
i was on the pill for a month as a virgin!


i am glad i had great parents

I dont know Alice, they turned you into a walrus wearin carpet muncher...seems like dey fucked up somewhere. Did mommy or daddy ever touch your funny spot?

alicia banks said...
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alicia banks said...
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alicia banks said...
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alicia banks said...
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alicia banks said...

racist vulgar assnon:

my skin is flawless and my beauitful sexy chocolate wife is delicious...

got green envy to match your audibly blue balls?

only lewd morons like you imagine such things...

even as you ignore your own juiceless lives and all those gorgeous juicy white women on the arms of all of those juicy black male nba and nfl players...

neither these teams or wf tricks let you play ball because you have no black male game....

i feel your TRIPLE pain you trifling filthy fool.

alicia banks said...

vulgar blind mf:

see my smooth skin?
no moustache?

where is your faceless solo photo???
no female?

alicia banks said...

faceless empty bedded assnon:

go find any black dude with a walrus moustache...

he may let u have a wf from his stable

like most black men, he has wfs to spare

good luck with that u inbred jealous reject

mellaneous said...

Really are you all going to continue this silly circular argument?

Doesn't anyone want to talk about the real reason that some poor sisters have baby after baby, or face the reality that the study pointed out which is that, they don't feel good about themselves? And really no one wants to talk about some of the systemic reasons why many men don't do the father thing, well even if they wanted to.

What if all these folks grew up in a society in which they were really valued? Starting with prenatal care and daycare. What if borrowing from the Harlems Children Zone that poor parents actually could get some help? Wouldn't they then raise more responsible children.

And what if ALL the children could get a quality public education and that nearly everyone who wanted one could have a job that at least fits their abilities.

And what if women were really respected in this society? Would these stats still be so outlandish? Of course not.

And what if real equal opportunity existed for black men? And what if all these drugs weren't flowing so freely which steal our peoples potential and offer comfort to the down and out and depressed.

At bottom while everyone is ultimately responsible for their lives it would be easier if they were given equal chance to make the best of their lives.

Why don't we talk about ways in which everyone can be valued rather than having this negative conversation about who is responsible for out of wedlock births?

In some way all of us that sit with our mouths shut, while folks are denied the real feeling that they belong and real opportunity to be all that they can be, are partly responsible for this failure.

And some of this wedlock talk is overblown and many of you know it. Who on Gods' earth wants to live in a household with two mean spirited and angry adults? Sometimes living apart is better and yes sometimes just shacking even lessens the tension that marriage brings.

The bottom line is that we have to work to find ways to make sure that all of our children are valued.

Beating up on the victims of this lack of care and concern,(and yes this system) does no one any good, but it makes for a long thread and makes the blog more popular, but at bottom it only amounts to toilet paper.

Anonymous said...

Beating up on the victims of this lack of care and concern,(and yes this system) does no one any good, but it makes for a long thread and makes the blog more popular, but at bottom it only amounts to toilet paper.



People make up a "system" and only those people can change it, no matter how much you wish for some superman to save you or have a Joker to blame, you make and decide how systems are used.

Do kids pay attention in schools where all that money has been dumped for years?

What values do parents teach their kids when they see mommy at 16 with grandma at 30 all on welfare, 20 uncles coming in and out? With grandma raisin the kids so she can get the extra check and momma can keep on keepin on with the boys in the hood to have more babies. The parents, elders in the community are the only ones who can change this. But everytime someone tries like Bill Cosby, he gets acalled a sellout Tom. So therein lies the real circle. The circle of bad actions, horrible morals and finger pointing that noone but those within the community can change if they want to.

Anonymous said...

alicia banks said...
faceless empty bedded assnon:

go find any black dude with a walrus moustache...

he may let u have a wf from his stable

like most black men, he has wfs to spare

good luck with that u inbred jealous reject


Now listen here Alice. Why in the world would anyone want a double reject? She got rejected by whites, hooks up for some jungle love? She is doomed onced people find out about that. Bad enough she was a skank before, but after the jungle love, now she is garbage.

You think BM have WF to spare because they reject BW. Maybe they just dont like Walrus moustaches like yours (nice photoshop on your pic by the way)
Or if they do they only call you when they need a fryin pan washed.

Isnt that why you decided to become Dick Van Dyke?

uptownsteve said...

Hathor,

"Still reinforcing bad behavior from men. You are saying; "You don't have to do anything, it's the black woman's fault"

This is absolutely ridiculous and totally circular.

Okay Hathor if it will make you feel better let me state unequivocally that it is morally and legally wrong for a man to force himself sexually on a woman.

It is also irresponsible for any man to have unprotected sex with a woman he is not serious about.

NOW. PLEASE.

Don't tell me about irresponsible male behavior. I've just addressed it.

Doesn't a woman have a responsibility to and for herself?

If so, what is it?

Shady_Grady said...

The systemic intersections of racism or classism or capitalism or what have you-ism really don't explain why the black out of wedlock rate is so high.

It ultimately is certainly not anyone else's responsibility but the people involved who evidently can't figure out how to use protection before marriage. This isn't differential calculus, here. It's their life and if a person wants to make bad choices in their life go for it. But don't come crying to me saying well I need more daycare or more this or more that which the state (everyone else) is supposed to pay for.

Fundamentally it's a breakdown in morality and family structure. But even if we reject the idea that morality has anything to do with it, it's still up to the people involved to correct their situation. Not anyone else. Things were much worse before in terms of race oppression and marriages were more stable and more common.

It's bad choices.

http://darkush.blogspot.com/2010/11/choose-your-tribe-carefully.html

mellaneous said...

Anon said "The parents, elders in the community are the only ones who can change this. "

Anon the people don't make up this system. They don't oppress themselves or make decisions that limit their childrens resources.

Its simply not true that only the parents and elders can change this alone. The same folks who get some kids educated have a responsibility to put the same effort in poor childrens schools.

And you can deny the reasons that children are having children all you want but its still true that they are victims of a racist and classist system that has set up circumstances and limited resources and sent physchological messages that all work together to create what we see now and run around blaming for their own victimization.

Anonymous said...

Yup...Strom Thurmond done traded out that monogamy stuff. All abouts the marriage...and there be thousands of years of this. Oh wait, marriage was a business contract between family firms. What about the poor of that time? Odd how for millenia, the only family structure exactly re-created the US 1950s.

Gosharooties! What about Bristol Palin? Two kids by two guys and it is all an AfAm crisis.
Why the hate for multiple babydaddies? Here in Whitesylvania we have many women who use trial and error to find an adult. Contraception may be an hour (or more) away. Tough to do when both are a tad eager to....

Weeping that women have control over their own body shows that the writer is developmentally challenged. Women are adults, get over it.

Mold

mellaneous said...

Shady Grady said:"The systemic intersections of racism or classism or capitalism or what have you-ism really don't explain why the black out of wedlock rate is so high."

To the contrary Shady it is exactly why these poor women are having children. Whether you want to believe them or not they keep telling folks why they are having children, "they see motherhood as one of life's most fulfilling roles, a rare opportunity for love and joy."

You can deny their reality all you want but they say over and over at least a child will love me unconditionally.

And Shady you can repeat that lie until they bury you upside down, it will still be true that racism and classism and sexism is exactly why we are having this silly discussion.

Folks who feel good about themselves and are valued in and by their society and know they have equal opportunity and know they will be treated with respect rather than scorn or suspicion, act in accordance.

mellaneous said...

Good point Anon!

Bristol Palin has a kid out of wedlock by a kid who for all practical purposes was a bum. It gets barely a mention.

She spreads her legs just for fun and she is on Dancing with the Stars and just running around having a gay old time. Yet noone is calling her a hoe or a slut or blaming her momma for her discretions or talking about what a lousy mom Sarah Palin must be.

So why the double standard? Could it be that those who pull the strings at the top think it more important to make poor mothers look like just plain old hoes rather than some young people who had sex maybe when they shouldn't have.

Could it be the ruling class finds it in their interests to demonize poor single mothers?

Could these be another opportunity to divide and rule? They must really get a kick out of easy it is to divide those with so much in common. Yet another divisive isssue to distract us while they get bailed out and nobody goes to jail.

browngrl77 said...

I do not have children, I am not married... the reason I say these things first and foremost I am considered a statistic. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard " when are you going to have a baby"? I just say "when I get married". I will continue to say as a woman, we should NOT lie down with men who are not responsible, was never responsible, and will never be responsible... Plain and simple.

uptownsteve said...

"Could these be another opportunity to divide and rule?"

Well they've done a great job on the heads of these black women who post here who are convinced that drooling predatory black men are raping sweet innocent black girls at astronomical rates and then leaving them alone to raise the kids.

Unreal.

You know I was watching "Deadly Women" on the "O" channel recently and there was a case where a 17 year old black single mother in Brooklyn called a Chinese restaurant delivery service and set it up so that her boyfriend and his buddy could rob the deliveryman once he arrived.

They ended up killing him but that's beside the point.

She mentioned that she got pregnant when she was 15. Her mother who was all of 31 said "I'll support you if you decide to keep it."

Problem was mom was on AFDC.

browngrl77 said...

No one has spoken on another reason for the high oow births...Peer Pressure..Yeah I said it Peer Pressure. For some reason in the aa community other women do not value childless women..My stepmother had the nerve to tell me my 15 yr old niece was more woman the I was, since she had just given birth.. I am 33 yrs old, was 31 at the time, had a full time job, lived on my own since the age of 18, never been on welfare,pay my bills take care of myself, yet my 15 yr old niece who had done nothing more than do what her body is supposed to do is "more woman because she gave birth?".....AND SHE SAID IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE TOO!!

Shady_Grady said...

@Mellaneous-what your're doing is infantilizing people-especially women. Racism doesn't make people spread their legs without protection. People do that on their own.

Children blame other people or social issues for their actions. Adults take control of their own lives.

Racism was far worse in the 70's than it is now , worse in the 50's than in the 70's and let's not even talk about the 20's. And yet during those times the black OOW rate and the black marriage rate were MUCH different than they are now. And the white OOW rate is now where the Black OOW rate was when Moynihan made his report. So again, this is not so much about race as it is about people making stupid decisions.

I don't really care what people do with their life-it is THEIR life after all. But when masses of people do stupid stuff that is generally associated with bad outcomes which they want other people to underwrite , that's when I have an issue.

Parents have generally always seen their children as bundles of joy. Generally however in the past they've gotten married before producing these children. Why is that so much to ask these days?

alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
alicia banks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mellaneous said...

Good point Shady racism doesn't make folks spread their legs, it is rather the EFFECTS OF RACISM THAT HELP PEOPLE MAKE CHOICES BECAUSE THEY FEEL HELPLESS AND IT DOESNT MATTER ANYWAY!

alicia banks said...

see uts???

your sad little tale made no mention of her absent daddy...

why not??????

alicia banks said...

like hobama uts:

YOU LIE!!!!!

quote us!!!!!

Hathor said...

UTS,

Doesn't a woman have a responsibility to and for herself?

I said so in my first response to you, but you choose to ignore it.

Rod said...

@ mellaneous: You are far too much of a fatalist to be a Christian.

Per your view, nothing that happens to anyone is their fault; there is no such thing as personal responsibility for black folk. Everything gets blamed on some externality, usually white people and capatalism.

Your soft-headed mush helps no one and only serves to pump up your pompous, whiny ass.

uptownsteve said...

"your sad little tale made no mention of her absent daddy..."

The absent daddy was probably a 178 year old knucklehead just like her.

The sickness is that her MOTHER who was herself a teenage mother with no support from the father and collecting welfare ENCOURAGED her to have the baby!!!!

You really don't get it do you?

alicia banks said...

vulgar lonely reject redneck:

thanks for all the backhanded compliments on my genetically flawless beauty

great genes trump photoshop.

but i can see why that fact is foreign to genetically defective fugly faceless dizzy dickless billy bobs like you

the wfs who reject you because u can neither grow or buy a black penis
and the bigger better richer bms they adore could not care less about your racist fantasies...ditto for my sistas and i

u and your oj envying rejected professional tiny chicken chokers are the solo septic tanks of the trailer parks of humanity

alicia banks said...

uts:

where was her daddy to give her better advice and make sure she dated better boys???

where was he????

Hathor said...

Shady Grady,

Generally however in the past they've gotten married before producing these children. Why is that so much to ask these days?

Because it usually comes with the message of abstinence only until marriage.

alicia banks said...

uts:

there are millions of great black dads who do not blame women for what absent lesser men do

they are heroes not cowards like you!

check a few here:


The Father/Daughter relationship has a significant impact on the many ways social and familial bonds are formed and the way girls grow up to be strong, confident women. To that end, Daddy’s Promise is a sustainable program that:

1.Encourages African-American fathers to take greater interest in their daughters’ lives,
2.Builds self-esteem in young girls and teaches them to be productive citizens,
3.Salutes the importance of the father’s role in the full development in his daughter’s life and the tremendous impact he has in shaping her,
4.Creates dialogue among families as a first step in establishing healthy relationships between girls and the men who help raise them—fathers, grandfathers, father figures and mentors, thereby strengthening African-American families as a whole.

http://www.daddyspromise.com/mission.shtml

mellaneous said...

Shady said: But when masses of people do stupid stuff that is generally associated with bad outcomes which they want other people to underwrite , that's when I have an issue.

Funny you should mention this Shade. The bankers did the same thing with the derivatives and gambled (stupid stuff) and lost (bad outcomes) and asked the country (other people) to underwrite their losses.

Yet their was little to no outrage and they stole much more than what is provided to aide the children of poor families.

BP oil decides to drill offshore without a backup plan if something goes wrong (stupid stuff) and there was the Gulf oil spill (bad outcome)and (other people) shrimp farmers, the underwater environment that sustains us pays for it.

Yet folks were a little upset about it and have moved on.

I could go on but you get the point the only time working class folks get excited is when they think certain folks are getting more than their share, which ironically is not the truth.

Who taught us to only get mad at the poor judgement of poor women and not the moral lapses and outright immorality of the rich which are much more egregious and do so much more damage to humanity as a whole?

mellaneous said...

AB slow down sister let Shady and others explain why so much concern about the choices of poor especially black women.

Ask why folks don't talk about real bad judgement like the ones that are sending our children off to die. And why can't they tell you why they are risking their lives when they get back from the conflicts,besides some foolishness about protecting the constitution.

Anonymous said...

stupid fools shut up buceta stanks and mellaneous fool

alicia banks said...

ditto mell

fools like uts rule the world

they major in the minor

they obsess over lies so they can ignore truths

by them we are all doomed!!!

shame!!!!

BabiesNeedDollarsToo said...

Some thoughts:

I do believe the women when they say they have the children to love them and that the children will love them in return.

However, I know from having three children and a husband that love is not enough. It is hard being a black person in AmeriKKKa. Without money, an education, some luck, and such, you do not stand a chance.

I work with a woman who has 5 kids with 4 different daddies. Her three sons do not have a father in common. How is this a recipe for success? She is a nice woman who loves her children, but she cannot possibly raise them to be all they can be. The deck is stacked against them and she's hustling to keep teh wolf at bay.

Any sane gyn will trll you that condoms do not equal birth control. How many of us have even practiced putting one on (I'm especially asking my fellow womenfolk) before you needed to? Gyns that work w/ teenage girls counsel that condoms are for STDs- not pregnancy prevention. Our daughters need prescriptions, and parents need to ask hard questions. It is alot easier to get the Plan B pill than raise a child- but only if you use your "spidey-senses" about what your daughter was doing last night.

Bottom line: you have to teach your children about birth control. You have to give them permission to use it, and you have to facilitate them getting it. Talking about condoms, Planned Parenthood, keeping your skirt down, etc., will not prevent pregnancy. Knowledge and a presription will.

Yeah, yeah, yeah- I know it takes two, and yes I am a feminist. I also know that boys and men walk away and cannot be counted on for child support. Girls and women must protect themselves from the consequences of OOW.

LACoincidental said...

mellaneous said...

Really are you all going to continue this silly circular argument?


Mell, its easier to blame the 'irresponsible man-child' and/or 'loose woman' than to look at root cause and analysis.

Fixing problems takes more courage than blaming problems on one person or another.

I think everyone has a valid points. (OK, not counting the anon lurkers claiming black people are merely savages), but I believe you're probably the most on target mell - a 72% OOW birth rate is systemic, cultural and political, not merely a personal matter. And cries for 'personal responsibility' can only go so far, there is a tangible political economy at work.

mellaneous said...

Babies thanks for bringing some clarity to the discussion. I mean if we are going to have a discussion about practical ways that girls can keep from getting pregnant then let's have that discussion and not the victim blaming foolishness.

mellaneous said...

LAC Amen and thanks for affirming what I think is the obvious!

I told you we see more eye to eye than we don't. We more than often disagree on the validity of some solutioons (or at least you question the validity lol)

LAC said, "OOW birth rate is systemic, cultural and political, not merely a personal matter. And cries for 'personal responsibility' can only go so far, there is a tangible political economy at work."

Shady_Grady said...

@Mellaneous you're out to lunch on this.

The subject of Field's post today happens to be why there is a 70% OOW rate in the black community. So that's what I commented on. Is that okay with you?

If Field should do a post on the f****d up banking system then time permitting I will likely comment on that as well. But since I HAVEN'T commented on that today or any of the other straw men you keep bringing up you really don't have any idea as to what I think about those issues, do you?

As far as outrage over the banking system, where have you been? A huge part of what drives many of the nutjobs in the Tea Party was outrage over bailouts, banks, and insider dealing among large business institutions and the government. Folks on the left were not exactly happy with those things either.

What you're doing is really no different than the driver that gets busted doing 70 MPH in a 60 MPH zone and angrily asks the officer about all the other people zipping by at 80MPH. Inevitably the officer's response is something along the lines of "So you admit you were speeding then, sir?" Pointing out that others were doing wrong has nothing to do with your own actions.

All of the other various evils, wrongs and poor conditions in the world still do not make an individual lie down with someone without protection before they're married. It's a poor decision. On average it brings about bad results.

There are some things that are under our own control and (rape aside) deciding who to sleep with is one of them. Again, in 2010 America there is far more access to contraception, sex ed and abortion than there was in 1940 America. There is less racism. And yet the OOW birthrate is higher across the board. Hmmmm.

As I have said elsewhere I don't really care about what people do in their personal lives. The problem is that certain actions are associated with bad societal results, which then impact my life. That's when I have an issue.

Anonymous said...

Preach it shady. You consistently make just about the most sense of anyone on this board.

Rod said...

mellaneous makes his living telling screw-ups what they want to hear--that's it's not your fault your life is messed up, it's them damn Wall Street fat cat white man republican greedmeisters that made you do it.

How does this help people?

mellaneous said...

Shady said:"The problem is that certain actions are associated with bad societal results, which then impact my life. That's when I have an issue."

I feel the same way Shady only my ire is directed at the real cause of pain in the world imperialism/capitalism,e especially US imperialism. And of course you are free to express your opinion! I never suggested that you didn't I just suggested that we look at this think holistically.

I was just trying to point that there are real systemic reasons behind these bad choices by single women esp. poor black women,and they they too should be discussed.

I was also trying to make the point that there are indeed bigger fish to fry and that folks making bad choices and having us pay for it are much broader than poor single women.

I was just trying to make the point that if we are going to point at the ills of society then lets point at the ones that are causing us real pain.

Because no matter how much single women screw up their lives they are not exploiting others so that the well off can enjoy the lifestyle that they enjoy. And that haven't sent a single child off to die in wars that have little or nothing to do with them.

mellaneous said...

Rod -
the truth ultimately helps set people free! Of course you choose to act on truth or not (and its true anyhow that there are real systemic causes behind poverty) and continue to pretend that up is down and that black is white,while the real perpetuators of evil in the world get away with pointing their fingers at amateurs.

And notice you can never find anywhere that I said that people don't have the responsibility for their lives. I just contend that folks ought to get a fair fighting chance out of the gate.

I mean if you got a fair chance shouldn't others get one. And if you are an overcomer and a great hurdler, --thanks to the gifts of God-- shouldn't you acknowledge that everyone of God's creation does not have the ability to hurdle life's obstacles like you do.

If I had to guess you probably know someone in your life that's not a great hurdler and you are probably just a bit empathetic toward them.

And I bet you know someone that had a fair and equitable start at the starting line. Shouldn't that fairness be extended to all, especially if you are going to blame them for not finishing well,(and oftimes last) when you know in your heart they started behind the starting line?

Oh and the BTW I don't get paid to tell the truth I just do what I do because I know the truth and believe that human beings should be afforded equal opportunity to succeed and should be afforded the basics of life.

Anonymous said...

Mel, you have an OOW son that you did not financially support or see for many years. Isn't that true?

mellaneous said...

Anon at 4:00 I was running to a meeting and saw this and had to stop and respond to someone who is clearly my hater but who doesn't have the guts to show their face, but would rather try to spread internet lies.

For the record that statement contains only one fact and that is that I have a much loved son who had the benefit of a loving father and thought its none of your business he is a product of a marriage between me and his mother.

I'm out Field others and whoever this liar is. Got a real fight over a real issue in the real world. No sidelines for me.

Anonymous said...

"I'm out Field others and whoever this liar is. Got a real fight over a real issue in the real world. No sidelines for me."

Does this fight perchance involve a pizza?

alicia banks said...

uts:

look at this beautiful boy!:

http://www.ajc.com/news/coroner-stomping-punctured-tillmans-734846.html


now look at the thugs who stomped him to death!

http://www.ajc.com/

where are ALL of their dads????????

Anonymous said...

shut up ya coohole lickin moron! as usual u aint have nothing to say at all further proof that jaw flapping does not mean profundity in any way ya idgit!

alicia stanks u deserve to have a foul and phukkked up week magne ya weak minded fool!

Anonymous said...

@ mellaneous: You are far too much of a fatalist to be a Christian.

Per your view, nothing that happens to anyone is their fault; there is no such thing as personal responsibility for black folk. Everything gets blamed on some externality, usually white people and capatalism.

Your soft-headed mush helps no one and only serves to pump up your pompous, whiny ass.

2:21 PM
Rod

yep rod the only one with sense on this board aside from shady grady the rest of yall nuckas is fulla shyt! mellaneous is a fake ass nucka who blame evil capitalism and white folk on everything bad in america how about nuckas be phukkin up sometime magne!?!
once u acknowledge othe problem in its entirety then u might solve it but so long as long winded bloviators like mellanous spread their false gospel nuckas just have a whole nother set of excuses to phukk up and not take personal responsibility
God loves us all but he dont want us to keep phukkin up then ask for mercy what the fuck r u mellaneious Friar Tetzel or something?

nuckas always lookin for a excuse to phukk up without moral implications and ur black ass condones that shyt nucka u need to get ur license to practise minitry revoked cuz ur shyt is just as weak as prosperity gospel nucka!

Anonymous said...

FN,
I noticed the portion where you began to blame the female. It's really sad when a man can chase racism, but does not notice the heterosexism, sexism, and classism in his own statements. Whether implicit or explicit, one's words speak volumes about their true feelings.

Faith said...

Of course there's a 72% OOW birth rate. It was about 35% when Civil Rights went into effect and it's been increasing ever since.


Ever since BLACK MALES decided being responsible for THEIR BLACK CHILDREN was an "option". It's why the native population of blacks in this country, African-Americans will be obsolete and a permanent underclass.

That rate is based on an estimate from the actual CDC data which was 70% in 2206. When the new report comes out in 2011 it may very well be as high as 83% and it will continue to grow until BLACK WOMEN stop deciding to settle for males who will not provide for or protect them and their children.

MARRIAGE IS NOT AN OPTION FOR BLACK WOMEN. IT IS OUR RIGHT.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 5:47 said...
"FN,
I noticed the portion where you began to blame the female. It's really sad when a man can chase racism, but does not notice the heterosexism, sexism, and classism in his own statements. Whether implicit or explicit, one's words speak volumes about their true feelings."


That's just stupidism, Anon. Stop the Marxist deconstruction of what Field says, and look at the facts. Unwed pregnacies are first and foremost the responsibility of females.

Anonymous said...

maria, "i do not wish to see my children married and i would not encourage it. in committed relationships, sure, and if they want to have kids, that would be better. but it's not essential. and sometimes having kids BREAKS UP the marriage."

I agree. There is no need to get married if you don't plan on having children....UNLESS it is a MORAL issue.

Being Catholic, I would think that you would know that and teach your children about Catholic religion and God's LAW.

Having sex and living together is a sin. It violates THE LAW.

Don said...

Great read.

The child support issue is always (well, maybe I shouldn't say always) a touchy subject (certainly)in the black community, cause there is a significant amount of drama involved in something so simple as payments and visitation. as I bear witness.

A few factors include:

Mom trapped dad.

Mom still upset over wasting so many years in a relationship with dad, and uses the children as a pawns.

Dad has moved on and cannot afford or doesn't care to add to the child's life.

Step-moms and step-dads having more authority than they should.

Dad falls behind in payments, then feels like it's a hopeless situation.

Human services wants their percentage of the money so they are persistence to the point where affidavits are signed and issued and executed.

Unemployment. Drug abuse. Pride. Too many children.


List goes on and on.....

My advice to any brother who reads and undergoes a similar situation - just pay. He or she is your child.

The end.

Mack Lyons said...

Men who step out on their womenfolk and their kids.
Men who feel detached from their kids because they assume they're not really "theirs", since they assume the women are fucking multiple men anyways.
Women who see kids as "fashion accessories".
Women who're "looking for unconditional love" and think a man, and later on, a kid will do just that.
Men who think fucking multiple women is a sign of "manliness".
Women who think having a kid is a sign of "womanhood".
Women who see kids as "welfare jackpots".
Welfare programs that spit out more dollars the more kids you have.
People who see marriage as "not worth it".
Elders who silently condone OOW and the general attitudes of the youngins.
Peer pressure. It is a motherfucker.
People in general who see this as "normal". It's not.

Both sides are equally to blame. Now it's time to figure out HOW TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING. Or at least reduce the instances of it happening.

"Who taught us to only get mad at the poor judgement of poor women and not the moral lapses and outright immorality of the rich which are much more egregious and do so much more damage to humanity as a whole?"

People often blame themselves and each other for fuckups among their own socioeconomic strata yet they seem to forgive the rich and powerful, primarily because they feel it's all "C'est la vie" and there's really nothing they can do about it. A lot of hate is heaped on the poor because people believe the poor are more in control of their own circumstances than they really are. The rich and powerful? Well, people seem to think they just can't help who they are, so they get a pass for the most part.

Rottnkid said...

My nephew is a Sr in high school and will be graduating next June. Would you like to know his options? I’ll tell you. A&T University OR the US Naval Academy (He’s almost filled the requirements for his endorsements). Who helped keep his head on straight? My Sister, my Dad, my Mom, my little Sister and Myself. His Dad? In jail most of his son’s life. My sister tried to take him to court for CS, she did and won, but what she was getting was $13.50 a week so she called Connecticut and told them to cut it off because it wasn’t worth going to the bank to cash the check (she’s no joke) – They actually tried to talk her out of it. Granted she has our family and certain extended family members and friends to help her but she didn’t rely on the state to subsidize her, only us – which is the way I think should be. But I will admit that her situation might have “tainted” her towards men because to this day, her words: “Ain’t no Nigga can provide what our Family and I can and will do for my kid. Word” I’ll never forget that (reffer talk) Also, to this day, no man will try and run up in her situation..Her words again:”You ain’t moving in”, “No job, no pussy and if you have a job you probably ain’t gonna get no pussy”. She goes hard (that northern mentality I guess). What I got out of listening to her is that she has NEVER let a man drag her down, no matter what she was going through with her son. I personally think that Mary J. Blige helped her through..lol. ..that her girl. I’m just rambling now, but I think you all get the idea. Black woman can take control and break the cycle. I’ve seen it first hand. Oh yeah, my nephew is 100% black in case you were wondering LAA.

Rottnkid said...

too many comments to try and reply on, but I've read them as I read Field's blog every day.

Anonymous said...

Naw baby marriage is an OBLIGATION.

Anonymous said...

Don, "A few factors include:

Mom trapped dad.

Mom still upset over wasting so many years in a relationship with dad, and uses the children as a pawns."


Don is a fucking idiot. He validated everything LAA said. The End.

Mack Lyons said...

"Ever since BLACK MALES decided being responsible for THEIR BLACK CHILDREN was an "option". It's why the native population of blacks in this country, African-Americans will be obsolete and a permanent underclass."

Solutions to this problem with not appear when one side decides to assign 100% of the blame solely on the other.

The key? As Black men WHY they don't think marriage is worth doing and why they believe bedding down multiple women is an affirmation of their "manhood". Ask Black women why they'd let Black men lulliby them into practicing unsafe sex and why they're willing to believe that these "men" will take care of the resulting child when the odds are against that ever happening. As our government and society in general why they are more than willing to heap tons of incentives for having multiple kids out of wedlock.

It's a problem that requires several seemingly unrelated pieces to work in concert with one another to create a solution. Stop focusing on one piece, claiming it's the end-all be-all solution to a rather complex problem.

Rottnkid said...

AB says:
assnon:
my flawless skin is as smooth as your brain and as hairless as your bald head...
why do u black oj apes love hairy wfs like maria so????
9:31 AM
---
Sorry Alicia, Maria is not hairy, trust me, She's actually a good looking woman which you might appreciate. But as usual Haters want to hate. I'll expect a 15 comment response, OJ wanna be, wigger lover or whatever,etc... but it's all good. I can just scroll on past that.

Poker time. Peace kids.

field negro said...

"FN,
I noticed the portion where you began to blame the female. It's really sad when a man can chase racism, but does not notice the heterosexism, sexism, and classism in his own statements. Whether implicit or explicit, one's words speak volumes about their true feelings."

I guess you missed the 90% of my post where I got on the men.
I am starting to have a UTS moment.
Maybe there is no hope for some folks. *shaking head*

BabiesNeedDollars, did you feel that? That's me feeling you. :)

La♥audiobooks said...

"Oh yeah, my nephew is 100% black in case you were wondering LAA."


From all what you mentioned about the father, oh yeah, I figured that much.


"Sorry Alicia, Maria is not hairy, trust me,"

How would you know? You need to stay off that facebook, and stop looking for booty calls with Maria, she might still be fertile. I'm just looking out for you, Maria seems unhappy and desperate, she might want to "trap" you to collect money for her lips and butt implants to look like a black woman. You're already paying out 55% of your income to CS, don't make it 75%.

La♥audiobooks said...

"Don is a fucking idiot. He validated everything LAA said. The End.'

Thank you.

La♥audiobooks said...

"BabiesNeedDollars, did you feel that? That's me feeling you. :)"


You see that, that's how it starts. Ok let me stop. :)

La♥audiobooks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
La♥audiobooks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

King Leo said...
Women have all the reproductive rights in this society;
----------

No King Leo, men have the greater reproductive rights. You know what they’re called? They’re called, SEE YA! When informed of fatherhood, the man has the ultimate option to walk out. He doesn’t have to stick around and watch the female go through the metamorphosis of birth. He does not have to participate in any activities involving the well-being nor future of the child. As a matter of fact, if he so chooses, he never has to see her or the child again. And good luck on that child support, too. If he can be found, there is only about a 15 percent chance there will be support. So men are the ones who make out during the baby drama. There will be no disrespectful titles such as unwed dad or welfare dad, either. There will be no studies named Children Born To Unwed Men. Now that’s reproductive rights, King Leo.

And please don’t give me that women can walk out too! You can’t walk out on being pregnant.

La♥audiobooks said...

Furthermore, that word marriage keeps getting thrown around. But marriage doesn't guarantee a life long partner, nor a provider, and "father" at home for your children either. It's a step and a symbol of commitment yes, but it is never assured.

You can vet your partner to the best of your ability, but people can change, and therefore so can circumstances in life. Just wanted to add that for the marriage police folk.

Mack Lyons said...

"And please don’t give me that women can walk out too! You can’t walk out on being pregnant."

You can. It's called an "abortion". Although after a certain number of months that option falls right off the table.

Anonymous said...

@Phil4Real at 11:51 AM

Yes, WalMart has a doll house with an African American family:

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Fisher-Price-My-First-Dollhouse-with-African-American-Family/14931106

Looks like a good gift for Christmas.

Aloha from Makaii

Hathor said...

LAB @7:32,
For once, I agree with you.

field negro said...

"BabiesNeedDollars, did you feel that? That's me feeling you. :)"


You see that, that's how it starts. Ok let me stop. :)"

Now see....OK, let me take that back. I meant to say that I understand what you are saying. :)

uptownsteve said...

Faith

"It's why the native population of blacks in this country, African-Americans will be obsolete and a permanent underclass."

This is ridiculous.

Most black Americans are working to middle class.

Aggregately the highest earning blacks with the highest standard of living in the world.

"That rate is based on an estimate from the actual CDC data which was 70% in 2206. When the new report comes out in 2011 it may very well be as high as 83% and it will continue to grow until BLACK WOMEN stop deciding to settle for males who will not provide for or protect them and their children.

MARRIAGE IS NOT AN OPTION FOR BLACK WOMEN. IT IS OUR RIGHT."

So what's stopping you?

Don't have the babies of men who have not made a committment to you.

Duh.

uptownsteve said...

FN

"I am starting to have a UTS moment.
Maybe there is no hope for some folks. *shaking head"

Seriously Field, am I wrong?

Some of these sisters are so caught up in their anger, bitterness and persecution complexes that they will not listen to anything that doesn't support their position.

I swear that I've seen at least a dozen times among people that I've known over the years....women lying about being on birth control and getting pregnant to trap or punish men, lying about being pregnant to get money from men to supposedly get abortions or willingly getting knocked up by guys who have no intention on being with them permanently because they think they'll have a "pretty baby".

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR A MAN NOT TO SUPPORT A CHILD THAT HE HAS SIRED.

Have I made myself clear?

I make no excuses for absentee fathers.

But at what point will these women accept responsibility for their role in this?

focusedpurpose said...

"I have a question for you: When two people decide to have consensual sex, is it a 50% 50% endeavor, or do we assume that one of the individuals- based on their gender- should take more responsibility for the outcome?"

i make no assumptions about anything FN. clearly most bm make the assumption that it on the women and he keeps it moving, while whining to the high heavens that folks don't respect him as a "man" which would stand and provide for and protect his woman and children. THAT is what it means to BE a man.

it is the notion that WOMEN should be more responsible than MEN in the so-called bc that is contributing to the mess. BOTH mother and father are responsible for the children they create. that is why it takes BOTH to create the child. see? only bfolks could get all confused trying to figure it something so simple.

in light of the few post conception options MEN have, one would think men would REALLY have invented some type of pill (like the ones invented to keep organs up) to minimize the potential of being victimized by folks "trapping" or being victimized financially. or victimized by the court system which leans heavily in favor of women. or being victimized in the countless other ways males lament when they choose to act irresponsibly. the laws are designed to prevent all communities from looking like the so-called black one.

it is the "assumption" that women should be more responsible than the men that contributes GREATLY to what is seen among blacks in this country. from graduating from school to this topic. but alas, i guess folks have just given in to the notion that bm must behave as mindless sexual beasts? i take that back, even mindless beasts will provide for and protect their offspring/families. so i guess, bm have created a whole new category for themselves. keep tip toeing around it. it will just fix itself?

here it is as i see it:

bm must DO better. bw must CHOOSE better.

black fathers, in greater numbers clocking in and going to work to help raise their children will help the do better, choose better assertion happen. folks are quick to talk about boys needing their fathers. daughters need their fathers, too. quite a few black girls are exposed, available and unprotected as a result of their fathers chosen mia status. the exploitation and abuse is just the rest of the equation. it would be interesting to find out how many of the single women with children have the mia daddy hole in their hearts?

blame shifting is a waste of time. making assumptions should be avoided at all costs. SHARED accountability for our conditions as a people is a long overdue item that requires serious prompt attention if black americans are to thwart the permanent underclass status that anyone with an eyeball can see clearly looming in the not so distant future. gut wrenchingly enough, we will have no one but ourselves to blame. yet, i know folks will figure out a way to blame white men, black women, the weather, the...

focusedpurpose said...

Anon 8:18 AM:

ALL of the responsibility is NOT on the woman.

life is NOT fair. no one is talking about fairness. though i would urge males to remember these convos when they are having their clocks cleaned in family court.

for me, i don't even believe in continuing to date someone once they reveal they are not marriage material, much less have sex with them. birth control methods ARE NOT fail proof, never have been. i love me too much to even open myself to such headaches.

i believe in folks being responsible and accountable for their choices and behavior-BOTH genders. in fact, i would suggest PRIOR to having sex with someone for women as a part of the vetting process, to steer the convo to this very topic. IF he starts speaking like he has less responsibility for the child he helps to create, IF you choose to continue to deal with him; DON'T have children. but wait, THIS could be why the birth rate of married women have plummeted. the smarter women ALREADY know this!

Anonymous said...

So much for the "keepaniggababy". It always backfires...

uptownsteve said...

FP

"here it is as i see it:

bm must DO better. bw must CHOOSE better"

There it is folks.

The omnipotent FP sez that bw don't have to DO better but CHOOSE better.

And you know what?

I agree with you here in part.

BW must decide what kind of lives they want to lead, what kind of relationships they will accept and positions they will put themselves in.

The question is, when will you do that?

And stop blaming black men for the misery that you've brought on yourself.

FP, you don't have any OOW babies, do you?

Instead of railing against bm, why don't you devote yourself to schooling vulnerable sisters on your method of self-responsibility?

Maybe, just maybe, nobody ever tried to get some of your stuff and that's what really upsets you.

focusedpurpose said...

the bulk of males' positions on responsibility/accountability for sexual choices is PRECISELY why i don't indulge them spouting off about women's rights to choose what course they will take.

whenever men dare to speak about such topics in my presence, i suggest they re-focus their attention to male birth control, so they too can double up on contraceptives and do their part to prevent unwanted, unplanned preganancies.

the notion that men should focus more on controlling themselves and less on attempting to control women STILL eludes most of them. controlling themselves would keep men PLENTY busy.

when more women understand their power, fewer will give it away so freely. a woman giving a man the gift of moving his dna forward into the future, is one of the greatest gifts a woman can give a man. IF he proves unworthy, WHY even go there? uts, IF more women thought like me on the topic, trust me when i tell you, you could kiss your kids goodbye. lol. and to think your wife married DOWN to do it. ok, as FN would say...let me stop. LOL.

marrying down...yet ANOTHER thing quite a few bw are hustling backwards on! and listening to inadequate males try to make them feel guilty for doing what other women on the planet UNapologetically have done for centuries.

though the world has a loop that is constantly playing to devalue black women and girls. we don't have to listen and cooperate with our own destruction. we MUST choose better for ourselves immediately. IF bw chose better, it would automaticly benefit her future children. MEN will fight to the bitter end to protect and provide for their children. males will point fingers, make excuses and feverishly search for someone to blame for his failures. the state of the so-called black community is the evidence of the colossal failure of black men. anyone arguing just likes the sound of their own voice and the way excuses feel in their mouths.

focusedpurpose said...

as i read the comments, i am going to have to ask...

WHY are folks acting like folks won't get married, divorce, and STILL not take care of their children? WHY? could it be because it would kill dead as a door nail the argument about women being more responsible than men for the children men and women create? hmmmm?

keep playing. UNTIL babydaddies get the SAME side eye that babymamas do expect black folks to be at 100% oow soon. and when one group refuses to play along you will just start to see the black babydaddy mixes wandering around abandoned. males that could not care less about the children they make, take that same sorry behavior with them wherever they go. bw have higher numbers, because bw have been the ones settling for being "sidekicks", (isn't that what the big ball chasing negro called the woman foolish enough to have more than one child with his trifling behind?), "friends with benefits", and what other names folks have invented to call the dysfunction.

i DON'T treat it like it is normal. i call it out for BOTH genders. BOTH in large numbers seem more committed to defending the dysfunction than they are to breaking the cycle.

focusedpurpose said...

anon that would like my input as to what has been seen with experience watching the humiliation of women too something to get married BEFORE they started having children:

AB has ALREADY said it quite well:

"these love thirsty pregnant girls u gleefully bash usually need men to love them because their daddies were ghosts who never loved their moms...

the abandonment and dysfunction are cyclical and generational"

the many men they are being sexed by are simply exploiting the status quo of abandoned black women and girls. i have been attacked for the length of my thoughts so i won't even add the layer of molestation that runs RAMPID amongs blacks. some of these women were being sexed at 8 and nine years of age. the children born to them are just...collateral damage.

it is the shame and blame of their PARENTS that their fathers don't DO better and their mothers don't CHOOSE better.

one can come through the muck and mire and still choose to do differently and give their children better than they had. typically THAT is what folks want for their children, no?

i have said all i can without repeating myself on the topic. it is NOT as hard as folks are making it.

the woefully male identified females are on this thread like flies on poop. notice they will come harder with other women than they would EVER dream of coming with the men. good job sista soldiers!

focusedpurpose said...

"agree that both sides have to take responsibility but Jesus Christ LAA 3 generations of single mothers raising children should be enough evidence for even the dimmest of us to take responsibility for yourself if you don't want to be stuck with a child you cannot feed."

let me finish that real quickly:

...us to take responsibility for yourself if you don't want to be stuck with a child you cannot feed because bm are so hopeless, they won't ever get it together and stop MAKING babies they cannot afford to feed.

finishing it THAT way is the ONLY way to make the sentence make any sense. and i think that's why folks won't say it that way. it is essential to keep the dumbest black women muling away...

"I have two handsome popular sons and when they reached puberty I did the same thing with them that my dad and grandad did with me.

I brought a box of condoms into their room and told them with all seriousness that if they ever got a girl pregnant that I would pull them out of school and make them go to work to support the baby."

OMG! mr. keep your legs closed didn't tell his boys to keep their pants up until they found a wife since condoms are NOT fail safe?! oh, that's right, males are sexual creatures. LOL. get on your knees and THANK GOD DAILY that your wife allowed you to move your dna forward.

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