Wednesday, April 01, 2015

April 1st

Image result for april fools jokes imagesQuick, which one of these stories is an April Fools' Day joke?

Chris Rock was pulled over by the po po for DWB for the third time in less than two months.

Nope. It's true.

A former republican congresswoman compared the president of the United States to a mass murderer.

Nope. It's true.

A man here in Pennsylvania used a chain saw to kill his wife and then took his own life with it.

Nope. It's true.

Scott Walker and other republican hopefuls pocketed millions of Obamacare funding while they worked to repeal the law.

Nope, It's true.

Dave Chappelle got hit with a banana peel while performing on stage.

Nope, it's true. 

Members of congress will meet this week to start on their new Work Together initiative to get new bills passed and  more work done.

Ha ha ha ha, of course that's not true.
















56 comments:

StillaPanther2 said...

Brother Field... those are a lot of mess to digest. I thought they LOVED Brothers Rock and Dave. I guess you can't avoid BWB (breathing while Black). I hope the people of these states realize that politicians don't have our interests as first.

I always thought that people with no skin in the game remain on the sidelines. Especially health care. That is a divider in itself.

Anonymous said...

"Dave Chappelle got hit with a banana peel while performing on stage."

You left out the most April Fool-y part of that story, which is that the heckler was jailed over this incident.

Assault with a deadly fruit peel.

Anonymous said...

Being insufficiently enthusiastic about celebrating anal intercourse is now a hate crime.

Nope, It's true.

lilacpr2000 said...

Hahaha! But I did read about those things. Just crazy,crazy,crazy!

The thing is that I also read that O'Reilly will be running for president!

April Fool!!! Or not....

Anonymous said...

Despite overwhelming eyewitness and forensic evidence that prove it, black people refuse to believe that Mike Brown's killing was justified

Nope, It's true.

Anonymous said...

Apple sells products in countries that execute people for being homosexual, but boycotts Indiana for allowing bakers to decide whether or not they want to sell gay marriage wedding cakes.

Nope, It's true.

Anonymous said...

Barack Obama plans to bypass the congress to impose carbon restrictions that will cost Americans an estimated 3.2 trillion dollars in order to prevent an EPA-estimated 0.18 degrees Celsius rise in global temperatures by the year 2100.

Nope, It's true.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

What do you mean congress won't work together? Republicans love Barack, especially very conservative white ones.

Anonymous said...

Here's another April Fools' story that is, unfortunately, not a prank. Now wingnuts in other countries are getting in on the foaming-at-the-mouth crazy talk about Obama.

A candidate for the UK parliament from UKIP (basically the British equivalent of our glue-sniffing hillbilly Tea Party) was informed of Obama's negotiations with the Iranian government over nuclear technology, and he went stark raving bonkers.

"'The Israeli government should kidnap Barack Obama and put him on trial like a Nazi war criminal,' a Ukip election candidate has argued.

Jeremy Zeid, the party’s candidate for Hendon, said Israel should 'do an Eichmann' on the US president.

Adolf Eichmann one of the architects of the Holocaust, was kidnapped by the Israeli secret service in 1960. He was put on trial, found guilty of crimes against humanity, and hanged.

'Once Obama is out of office, the Israelis should move to extradite the bastard or "do an Eichmann" on him, and lock him up for leaking state secrets. After all what’s sauce for the Pollard goose is sauce for the Obama gander, don’t you think?' Mr Zeid said.

'Just kidnap the bugger, like they did to Eichman, who suddenly found that he'd woken up in Israel. The problem is that Israeli jails are far more humane and adherent to human rights than American ones.'”


So there you are:

Barack Obama.

And the guy who arranged the murder of millions of Jews and other European minorities.

BASICALLY. THE. SAME.

Anonymous said...

I agree.

Except Eichman was competent at what he did.

The Purple Cow said...

"
Barack Obama plans to bypass the congress to impose carbon restrictions that will cost Americans an estimated 3.2 trillion dollars in order to prevent an EPA-estimated 0.18 degrees Celsius rise in global temperatures by the year 2100.

Nope, It's true."


No, it isn't.

**
"Jeremy Zeid, the party’s candidate for Hendon, said Israel should 'do an Eichmann' on the US president."

That should read former UKIP candidate - they sacked him. UKIP are insane, but they are not Tea Party insane.

steve said...

Recently, the most important thing in the world, besides strategically crucial Yemen and whether or not somebody who is 1/4th Jewish is allowed to tweet Jewish jokes, is whether wedding photographers and cake bakers in Indiana can be permitted to decline to work gay marriages for religious reasons. Speaking for his fellow members of the marginalized and oppressed everywhere, Apple CEO Tim Cook demanded that the full weight of the state be brought down upon any self-employed individuals in flyover states who pick up some extra money working weekends in June if they dare admit they are uncomfortable servicing gay weddings. Walmart has now also joined the coalition of the powerless to whip those hater small business people into line with the New Order. How dare anyone not maximize profits?

Anonymous said...

And in actual reality, meaning the alternate reality from the one in which you live, here's a rundown of some recent headlines that gripped the world, or at least the cities in which they occurred. Surprisingly, your site ignored them:

- A black woman cuts a baby from the womb of a white woman. The baby dies, the mother almost dies. The black woman is not charged with murder, obviously: http://www.cnn.com/2015/03/26/us/colorado-pregnant-woman-attack
#BlackPrivilege

- A black man murders a white Domino's delivery driver in New Orleans: http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/2015/04/dominos_delivery_driver_murder.html A black guy killed a white Domino's driver in the same black neighborhood last September as well, when blacks' anger was falsely inflamed by the mainstream media in the wake of #Ferguson.

- Hero Boston cop (and Iraq vet) John Moynihan, who helped capture Boston marathon bomber in 2013, is shot point-blank in the face by a black thug (with a history of shooting at police) during a traffic stop: http://www.cnn.com/2015/03/28/us/boston-officer-shot No social media outcry.

- In 2013, a black 15 year old thug gets a heart transplant despite protestations. Two years later (March 31, 2014), he dies in a car crash after stealing a car and shooting an elderly lady: http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/local/police-suspect-hits-pedestrian-while-running-offic/nkjbq
http://www.theroot.com/articles/news/2015/04/ga_teen_anthony_stokes_who_received_heart_transplant_dies_while_fleeing.html - "For some, it still doesn’t change the fact that Anthony Stokes, like any American, deserved a heart transplant, regardless of his run-ins with the law."

_ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3010272/EVERY-ethnic-group-Britain-wants-cut-immgration-half-want-big-drop-numbers-coming-country.html - "Some 60 per cent of Asian respondents wish to see immigration reduced, with 38 per cent wanting it down by a lot. The same is true of black respondents with 57 per cent thinking it should be curbed and 32 per cent wanting a large cut. For those of mixed origin, 60 per cent wanted a decrease with 30 per cent wanting a big fall." LOL. So people of color really just want to live around non-violent white people after all... Who woulda thought?

- Trevor Noah's litany of sexist, racist tweets are revealed. But he gets to keep his new job, whereas a white person would've been fired immediately. #BlackPrivilege

...But oh noes, Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle got their feelings hurt! Remember folks, black people's hurt feelings are more important than white people's constant loss of life at the hands of black criminals. And if you think I'm exagerrating:
http://conservative-headlines.com/memorial-wall-black-on-white-murders-in-2014
http://conservative-headlines.com/black-on-white-murders-in-2015

Anonymous said...

"Walmart has now also joined the coalition of the powerless to whip those hater small business people into line with the New Order. How dare anyone not maximize profits?"

The New World Order? You might want to take a break from the Alex Jones broadcasts. Listening to his conspiracy theories causes brain shrinkage.

And it's got zilch to do with profits and everything to with bigotry. Running a bigoted business is illegal, even if you wave around your big Bible and double-pinky swear that Jesus is totally on your side. You still gotta follow the rules.

Either be a grown-up and treat all your customers with respect, or don't have a business. End of story.

Anonymous said...

You are an idiot.

*The black woman who cut than woman's fetus out isn't being charged with murder because fetuses aren't legally people. It's got nothing to do with her race.

*So sorry that people aren't reacting to murder of a delivery driver and a cop by blaming all black people and demanding a race war commence. It must frustrate you greatly that everyone isn't as racist as you.

*The dude with the criminal record was able to get a transplant because we don't predicate medical care on the character of patients. Although if we did, you'd probably never be able to see a doctor again, on account of your being a horrible bigot whose demise would benefit our nation.

*The Daily Mail isn't a credible news source. Pretty much anything they print has about a 75% chance of being false.

*Trevor Noah's comments were yet another nothingburger bigotry story. If you're losing your marbles over the extremely inoffensive jokes he made, I think the problem is you. Honestly, we've reached the point of maximum hypersensitivity where practically any comment can trigger some stupid outrage storm on social media. People really need to learn to stop crying wolf and save their protests about hate speech for when it really matters.

I think that about covers all your foolishness.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

Good post anon 0356.
"By blaming all Black people and demanding
a race war commence". Ha! Great retort.

Anonymous said...

PX, your last comment is what starts race wars. This is America and you need to respect people's opinions regardless of color. That includes racists also.

Bill said...


Zero tolerance...

Joliet Teens Charged With Child Pornography
All four students attend Joliet Central High School, and are between the ages of 14 and 16. A 15-year-old girl and three of her classmates recorded consensual sex acts one week ago, and posted the video on Twitter.
...
The four teens were arrested Friday, and charged as juveniles with child pornography

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2015/03/31/joliet-teens-charged-with-child-pornography/

These 4 kids will have their lives ruined by the "child pornography" felony on their record.

I wonder if mom as thinking only the boys would get in trouble when she called the police.

Yīshēng said...

SAP, I always knew after Roc's Everybody Hates Chris (EHS) TV showed aired, that Whuteemoo's would find a way to get back at him. He took shots at them on a pretty regular and hilarious basis on that show an in his stand up, LOL!!

IMHO, EHC was one of the best shows that ever aired on TV.

California Girl said...

The Chris Rock thing is amazing.

Michelle Bachmann...did not even have to double click the link to guess that one right.

Chain Saw WTF?

Obamacare: is Ted Cruz the only one to admit taking advantage outright?

Chappelle: What is this, the Middle Ages?

Congress: April Fools to all of us

Bill said...


The Field Negro wrote...
Chris Rock was pulled over by the po po for DWB for the third time in less than two months.

Nope. It's true.


From your link...

No word yet on what exactly Rock was pulled over for on Monday night.

Of course.

Is this going to be another situation like when Taraji P. Henson called out the police for profiling her son and the cop video proved her a liar?

There must be a good reason he isn't releasing the rest of the videos.


On a side note, driving problems are nothing new...

Rock claims to have been arrested four times: once for vehicular assault on a youth who had robbed him, and three times for traffic violations, including driving without a license and driving too slow.
http://www.thebiography.org/chris-rock-biography/

Ace Freely said...

"Either be a grown-up and treat all your customers with respect, or don't have a business. End of story."

In other words, either live by my morality or be punished by the state.

My how things progress from "tolerance" to coercion once the Left gains power.

Slowly, but steadily, one step at a time, dissent is criminalized.

The Seven Steps of "Liberal Activism."

1. It's a free country, X should not be illegal.

2. The Constitution prohibits X from being made illegal.

3. If the Constitution protects a right to X, how can it be immoral? Anyone who disagrees is a bigot.

4. If X is a Constitutional right, how can we deny it to the poor? Taxpayer money must be given to people to get X.

5. The Constitution requires that taxpayer money be given to people to get X.

6. People who refuse to participate in X are criminals.

7. People who publicly disagree with X are criminals.

Step 8 has been reached by a few over-achieving cultures, such as nationalist, communist Russia or nationalist, communist China or nationalist, socialist Germany.

Everyone knows what Step 8 is.

Anonymous said...

"Zero tolerance...

Joliet Teens Charged With Child Pornography
All four students attend Joliet Central High School, and are between the ages of 14 and 16. A 15-year-old girl and three of her classmates recorded consensual sex acts one week ago, and posted the video on Twitter."


WTF does this have to do with zero tolerance?

Zero tolerance rules are about not bringing weapons to school, mostly. (Weapons apparently include things like scissors and nail clippers.) And also not having violence thoughts, etc. (Some kids have gotten kicked out of class for merely drawing a violent picture in art class.)

This is about a child porn law. I'd say child porn laws are a pretty sensible thing (unless you're a fan of child rape), but many of them are badly written laws and can allow a child to be charged with victimizing him/herself.

This is moronic and was never the intent of those laws, but that doesn't stop some of our dumber law enforcement officer from abusing them in just such a way. If I had to guess, this police officer is one of those Bible-thumping, sex-hating morality crusaders trying to save these kids from sin by destroying their lives -- you know, a conservative wingnut, one of your folks, Bill.

Yep, nothing saves a teenager from a life of "sluttiness" like being sent to prison and branded a sex offender.

Anonymous said...

@ Ace Freely.

Uh huh. Morally changes, and the laws change to reflect our morality. That's how human beings and democratic government work.

Also, your steps 6 and 7 are a victimization fantasy of yours and they will never happen, much less any step 8

The government will never force you to get gay-married.

And the government will never force you to like gay people (although people in general may eventually come around to the conclusion that you are a closed-minded jerk, one who is unable to change his views in response to reason and evidence, or to show basic empathy towards others).

What you are griping about is that you might be prevented from persecuting other people, which hardly makes you any kind of actual victim.

Anonymous said...

"Zero Tolerance" is a mindless liberal adminstered policy implemented in schools run by left-wing, Democratic party funding, NEA members.

There is absolutely no trace of "conservatism" in the modern American public school curriculum or administration.

You are fucking dupe.

Anonymous said...

*That first line should be "morality changes" ...

Ace Freely said...

@ Ace Freely.
Uh huh. Morality changes, and the laws change to reflect our morality. That's how human beings and democratic government work.
_________________

"When I am weaker than you, I ask you for freedom because that is according to your principles; when I am stronger than you, I take away your freedom because that is according to my principles."

-- Muad'Dib

Leftism must inevitably get to Step 8.

It's a feature, not a bug.

Anonymous said...

"There is absolutely no trace of 'conservatism' in the modern American public school curriculum or administration."

Riiiiiight, because all of those "abstinence-only" sex ed classes were liberals' idea?

"Just keep your legs together, ladies! This concludes your sexual education."

LOL

Sorry, but zero tolerance rules are not some kind of invention of liberals. They're a response to parents panicking over Columbine-style school shootings. Teachers actually hate them, and there is no meaningful support for them among liberals.

Anonymous said...

There are no "abstinence-only" sex ed classes in America.

None.

You live in a fantasy world.

Anonymous said...

90% of teachers vote liberal democrat
98% of teacher's union political donations go the democrat party
100% of literature selected for use in public schools supports liberal themes
100% of textbooks used in public schools are designed to indoctrinate students by promoting liberal beliefs while disparaging conservatism.

Yet this dumbass blames the dysfunction of American schools on conservatives.

He must have learned what to think in public school.

OptimusPrime said...

An exemplary American story, that unifies all commentators and shows that we are Reagan's "shining beacon on a hill"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3021032/First-mixed-race-Miss-Japan-Ariana-Myamoto-hits-spasmodic-vomit-racial-abuse-suffered-father-African-American.html

Your welcome!!!

Anonymous said...

"90% of teachers vote liberal democrat
98% of teacher's union political donations go the democrat party
100% of literature selected for use in public schools supports liberal themes
100% of textbooks used in public schools are designed to indoctrinate students by promoting liberal beliefs while disparaging conservatism."


Bwahaha.

99% of right-wing commenters pull statistics out of their asses.

What happens when a person like you encounters a fact? Are you instantly vaporized, like when matter and anti-matter come in contact?

OptimusPrime said...

The world looks up to us for insights on social matters.

Step 8 is not inevitable.

Play Mariah Carey or "We are the World" or PitBull.

We are the best at so many things, Ebola scare, diplomatic solutions, HIV solution, handicapped parking, Women's rights, standardized education.

Do we get a few questions on the test of life wrong, every now and then? Sure. But we should be speak on the good more than the bad.

Not Your Pal said...

People that have perfected the art of whiny victimization:
1.White People
2.Christians

Ace Freely said...

I think people should have -- and by God, do have -- the right to be fairly different from one another.

That's fucking America.

Did you not know that? That that's what America is?

That America is the right to be different from other people?

I don't see why a store run by a pious conservative Muslim can't demand that women be covered, if that's his bag, nor why a store run by a pious conservative Catholic can't also insist that women cover their shoulders, if that's his sense of what his business should be, of what should happen on property he owns.

Will there be hurt feelings when some are turned away?

Sure.

And who cares?

What the fuck are we, babies? Is this kindergarten, where everyone must be made to feel welcome, always?

Why the fuck would you think I would even care about this shit? Is it because you care about it so much, that you are so concerned about maintaining a Standard Generic Vanilla Corporate-Friendly Non-Culture Culture everywhere, that the idea of a Muslim religious bookstore which insists on a strict dress code for women is mentally deranging?

To be honest with you, I already assume there already are Islamic bookstops which will demand that women leave unless properly veiled.

And yet I'm not pissing myself about this.

Why would I want to go to that shop in the first place?

A culture without any rough parts, without any Proud Nails that won't be pounded down, without any Strangeness that people just insist upon because it's Their Culture, That's Why, is not a culture at all.

It's a fucking shopping mall. It's a fucking Airport Neutral Palate Color Scheme. It's the gray paste they feed to people in comas.

It's nothing. Nothing.

A lot of people seem to dream of America as a great bland nothing.

And they're winning, too.

pizza boy said...

The hysterical witch hunt that has been kicked off by the Indiana Religious Freedom Act is just another cultural attack by the Left based on lies. No one has asked for the right to refuse service to gays, merely not to be compelled to produce a product that conflicts with their religious beliefs.

This is similar to the Obama 2012 War on Women campaign theme, where the move against using the power of the state to compel a religious organization to pay for a particular type of birth control (the morning after pill) was conflated with an effort to ban all birth control, which of course it was not.

Leftism requires stupidity to survive.

OptimusPrime said...

Josh, Jim Antle, Ace Freely and myself have formed an interracial, non-partisan coalition of freedom and liberated thought, that even FN will co-sign.

While, Josh and Ace may give it to you straight-no-chaser, Jim, FN and myself are working hard to end the whining and help the alleged disenfranchised commentators dry their weepy eyes so they can see the blessing it is to live in the US and voice your grievance, then move on to the solution.

Anonymous said...

Field,

As far as I can tell, everything you write is done with the veracity of the spirit of April Fools. Good work!

W.C. Fields

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

Well anon 1405 conservatives have been trying to destroy the public school system and unions for years so there is that. There is also a movement in some parts of the country to inject religion into the public school system and that is all the work of conservatives. So conservatives to have to take some measure of responsibility for the state of our public schools.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

C'mon pizza boy, you're oversimplifying here. Conservatives tend to do that a lot. The point is there was/is no need for a religious freedom bill in Indiana or anywhere else. This was a bone thrown to the base because they lost on gay marriage in Indiana. For proof look at Mike Pence's record on gay matters. He is anti-gay and one has to be blind to think there was no malice involved in this bill. If there was no malice why does he want to change the bill? Why does the legislature want to change the bill? Why do Republican governors from other states refuse to sign similar bills? If leftism requires stupidity to survive the conservatism either requires ignorance or willful disregard of facts.

Anonymous said...

In the previous thread, Josh attacked anons for standing up for their race. What kind of man does that? Let me answer that for you: A Racist, that's who.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

Looks like Barack and John Kerry got a deal with Iran done. Guess we can sit back and wait for the inevitable conservative freakout. Take that BiBi! Even the traitorous Republicans can't stop it. Starting to look like my man B is turning out to be a halfway decent President afterall.

Anonymous said...

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...
So conservatives to have to take some measure of responsibility for the state of our public schools.
---

There few institutions in America that have less conservative presence than the educational sector.

Over the last 40 years, liberals have purged the universities and public school systems of anyone holding conservative views.

Conservatives have fucked some things up, but the schools ain't one of them.

Anonymous said...

"If there was no malice why does he want to change the bill? Why does the legislature want to change the bill? Why do Republican governors from other states refuse to sign similar bills?"
---

Because most Republicans are feckless careerists who will throw their conservative base under the bus the minute they receive any heat from the mainstream media.

Anonymous said...

Not serving a gay person who comes into your shop = Discrimination

Declining to make something special for a gay person because it violates your religious beliefs = Principle.

Tell me you can see the difference.

No one is asserting a right to discriminate against gays by withholding from them a service or product that they would offer to anybody else.

Being able to live by your principles is a basic human right.

Anonymous said...

"Looks like Barack and John Kerry got a deal with Iran done"

Yes, we will finally have an Iranian nuclear bomb in our time.

What an accomplishment.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

Nope, conservatives have been taking over school districts and doing such insane things as inserting creationism in science class and getting rid of AP American History classes because they weren't pro America enough. The public school system has been under assault for decades by conservatives.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

Oh I see, we need a law so we can deny gay people "special" things because that would violate a principle. Uh ok, I guess in some insane way that makes sense.

And no the deal will prevent an Iranian nuclear bomb but hey why pay attention to facts.

Lt. Commander Johnson said...

Chapelle is an equal opportunity offender...that's why I will always respect him. He's not scared to bust the ass of white, blacks, Asians, Latinos, boys & girls who love to do boys & girls, etc.

Plus, he's funny as hell.

Anonymous said...

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...
Nope, conservatives have been taking over school districts and doing such insane things as inserting creationism in science class
--

Where in our public institutions is creationism taught as legitimate science?

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

They tried it in Pennsylvania, georgia, texssistan, mississippi, Kansas. Either you aren't paying attention, willfully ignorant, ignorant or lying. This has been going on for years.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

I think it's kitzmiller v dover the most famous case.

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...

Huh?

Yīshēng said...

I think that post is for Hilly, PX.

Anonymous said...

PilotX:Freeing slaves from the Republican plantation since the 70's said...
They tried it in Pennsylvania, georgia, texssistan, mississippi, Kansas
---

I asked you where is creationism actually taught as legitimate science, not where some lone parent tried and failed.

The answer is nowhere.

You believe in some strange fantasies, dude.

dr abel justus said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.