I see that his Oness is visiting my old stomping grounds.
Kaci Fennell tweeted that O actually wanted to know her name. That damn Obama. First he has my Prime Minister going all gaga over him, and then he tries to pull up on one of the most beautiful women on the island. (Watch it Kaci, Michelle does not play that.)
Anyway, Mr. Obama is the first American president to visit my island home since.....(this hurts) Ronald Reagan. So I am sure he got a lot of yawdie love from my peeps.
If I was there and selected to be his official tour guide there are some places that I would love to take him.
Of course we would have to ditch his Secret Service detail.
Ok O, my favorite mode of transportation on the island is a British Mini Cooper (steering wheel on the right), so buckle up. And I am sorry, but Kaci will not be riding with us. :)
Since we are in Kingston we will first head to West Kingston. We will visit an area Bob Marley referred to as "Concrete Jungle". I am taking you here so that you can see the strife and violence that real political wars can bring. Tivoli on one side, and Rema on the other. You people in Washington take verbal swipes at each other and go on cable news shows to talk about your differences. You can afford to just talk about your differences, because, the truth is, no matter which party is in power it won't affect whether you have a meal every day or a roof over your head.
In Jamaica poor people do not have that luxury. Politics is literally a life and death thing.
While we are in West Kingston we might as well head to Maxfield Ave to see where the legendary Channel One recording studio once stood. Forget the Bob Marley Museum. This is where real reggae music was born.
Ok Mr. President, I know that you are getting a little nervous in West Kingston, so let's get out of here and head to Port Royal. This is where pirates once had their base to rule over the Caribbean and plunder Spanish ships. This was once a vibrant city with all kinds of crazy and wealthy people living in it. Black Beard himself used to hang out here. Now it's just a sleepy fishing town. You can thank a couple of major earthquakes for that.
I know that's a metaphor for something, but I am just not sure what it is quite yet.
Let's gas up the Mini and head up the East Coast. Forget Ocho Rios and Montego Bay. Port Antonio and the East Coast is where the most beautiful and unspoiled beaches can be found on the island. Naomi Campbell has a villa here, and the dude who wrote all those James Bond novels hung out here as well.
I am taking you here because when your gig is up as president I know that you and Michelle will be looking for a place to settle down.
It's time to eat, so we will we get our grub on at a great little restaurant called Woody's Low Bridge,(Micky D's eat your heart out) and then head west along the coast.
We will stop in Brown's Town and stock up some Rooster drink. Forget all those energy drinks you find in America. This is the real deal. It will keep us up for our trip to the mountainous center of the island. Oh, and I know you used to hit the collie weed back in the day, so while we are in St. Ann you might as well sample some of their most famous plant. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
Mr. President I know that you want to throw up. Driving these country roads can be brutal, but if we want to get to Accompong we have to do this.
I have to take you to Accompong because I want you to learn some of your father's history. This is where runaway slaves called Maroons put a royal beat down on the Spanish and the English back in the day. They weren't cool with the enslavement thing. You can learn all about their history when I take you there. You have story tellers there who will be all too glad to tell you about it.
Just think, how many American presidents can say that they went to Accompong?
But enough of this history stuff. Let's have some fun. I know that you like to golf so we will play 18 at this club in Montego Bay called White Witch. (No, they didn't name it after Sarah Palin). She was this evil white lady who used to give slaves the business back in the day. If she was alive today she would be a FOX VIEWS host.
The course is as good as anyone of those fancy courses that you like to play in America. But the good news is that you won't have those nosey American cable news people watching your every stroke and saying that you are too "lazy" to be president, because all you do is play golf.
Of course you hanging with the Field Negro in Jamaica will just feed into that narrative. But don't worry, just hit some of that plant you got back in St. Ann and everything will be irie.
*Second pic from jablogz.com