Monday, April 17, 2006

The Stepin Fetchit Awards. (Coonies)


The only thing a field-negro despises more than a house negro is a cooning negro.

A cooning negro is dangerous becuase he (or she) let's massa off the hook by letting him think that we are all happy and content. The massa wants us to coon; heck, it was a white man that mastered cooning in the mid 1800's by doing black face routines to mostly lower working class whites in the north. Mel Watkins wrote in his book; "On the real side, a summary of African American humor" that this form of entertainment codified the public images of blacks as the prototypical Fool or Sambo.

Now sadly, the white man doesn't have to do black face anymore, becuase we as negroes are all too willing to coon for him.

The most famous coon in American history is a man by the name of Lincoln Theodore Monroe Andrew Perry. -If you guessed who this is, you might be a coon- This famous coon is also known as Stepin Fetchit, and in honor of him I have a list. Yes, it's the first annual Stepin Fetchit Awards, and the nominees are: Drum roll please!

1. Nipsey Russell-Have you ever watched those reruns of game shows? Nipsey was the brother with the big afro and the pearly whites cooning for the game show audience.
2. Jimmie Walker- AKA JJ from Good Times. Sorry JJ, your cooning was not DYNOMITE!
3. Sherman Hemsley-AKA George Jefferson. George you might have been moving on up, but you were cooning all the way. And why were you stuck with big Louise while your neigbor, the white guy, had fine ass Roxey Roker for a wife? Anyway, like the two coons above you, you are still in syndication so you qualify.
4. Eddie Griffith- Have you ever seen this negro and he is not smiling? I swear this negro must smile in his sleep.
5. Ted Lange-AKA Issac from the love boat. The white man's favorite bartender and happy black guy.
6. The Tom Joyner Morning Show (All of them)- These negroes grin and coon so much on their morning show, that it's a miracle that they can even get a song or commercial on the air.
7. Cuba Gooding, Jr,.-Show me the money! No, show me the coon. Ever since Boyz In The Hood, it's been all down hill to coonville for my man.
8. Three 6 Mafia- Did you see the Oscars? Nuff [sic] said.
9. Cedric The Entertainer- I kinda like my man, but he coons just a little bit too much for my liking. Now I know white America loves those bud commercials, but at some point he has got to get more serious.
10. Martin Lawrence- Seems like my man can't get a role in Hollywood unless he is cooning, no wonder the poor guy turned to drugs.
11. Al Roker- Yo Al, is the weather always sunny in your world? Geez, could you cut down on the cooning just a notch?
12. Snoop Dog- Yeah Snoop, you're a rapper but you are a coon. You single handedly brought pimping back in vogue for crying out loud. Just when us black folks thought we had seen our last pimp.
13. The Management at BET- All coon T.V. all the time.
14. The Ad. agency that does the McDonald's commercials- If you don't get it, I can't explain.
15. Mother and daughter on the Parker's- I don't even remember their names.... oh forget it.
Honorable mention goes to: Shuffling Sammy Sosa- He was a coon but he is gone now.
50 Cent and the entire G-Unit for being gangsta coons.
Chris Tucker-His bug eyes alone gives him coon credibility.
Fonsworth Bently doesn't get on becuase he is just a slick negro with no talent using the coon game to get paid. My good friend Tony the prosecutor doesn't get on becuase he isn't national news just yet. [But make no mistake, he is a coon -inside joke]

AND THE STEPIN FETCHIT AWARD GOES TO..... you know what, I think I will see what type of feed back I get via emails and posts and make my decision then.

Gotta go back to the fields now; whether we coon or not massa still wants us field-negroes to work.




15 comments:

Anonymous said...

JJ gets my vote.

Anonymous said...

How about some of the folks on those sit coms on UPN or WD? Surely, the Parkers. But Lisa Ray in her ghetto girlfriend talk. Tracey Ross doing her bug eyed Lucille Ball/Carol Burnett imitation. They are her role models, you know. Rodney Peete's wife on her sitcom.... You don't have enough room, chile.

Anonymous said...

All good ones; I will have to expand the list shortly :)

FN

Anonymous said...

HOW ABOUT CHUBBY CHECKER?

Anonymous said...

EZ ASKS,

Do you know the origin of the epiteth "coon"? if so please explain, so, was Denzel Washington was a coon in training day? was Halle Berry was a coon in Monsters Ball? Terrance Howard was a coon in Hustle and Flow? or are coonies reserved for comedy or those with discrete black features?

Anonymous said...

Actually, I do. And yes Halle Barry was a coon in Monster's Ball, Terrence Howard played a coonish character but I would not consider him a coon; the same goes for Denzel Washington who gets a pass because of his body of work.

What's your point?

FN

Anonymous said...

This could a research project for who is the biggest coon in the world. 36 mafia gets my vote.

Anonymous said...

How could you forget the biggest coon of them all?


Tyler Perry!


Doing his best to continue the emasculation and degradation of black men in the media

Laci the Chinese Crested said...

As I said in another comment, any Gangsta rapper should receive this prize.

Being "Gangsta" is truly cooning.

Unfortunately, it means that Michael can stay in business.

we saw that... said...

chubby checker? you gotta be kidding.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm, Tyler Perry, I never thought of him. I might give him a pass because of his sometimes positive messages!

FN

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