Friday, April 28, 2006

You Might Be A House Negro If....


I have been getting beaten up a lot lately, both for my handle -field-negro and for referring to some other blacks as house negroes. I mean no offense, but as one of my heroes and fellow countryman, Bob Marley, said in one of his songs; "who di cap fit, let them wear it"

So for all the people I offended, let me say this from the bottom of my heart; I don't really give a damn! Like I really care about a house negroes feelings. Some of you weren't really sure if you qualified as a house negro or not, and I want to help those people find themselves . So with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy for stealing his lines, I am going to tell you just a few things to help you know if you might be a house negro. Ready? Ok, here goes:

If you know what GOP stands for; you might be a house negro.
If your child gets nervous around other black kids; you just might be a house negro.
If you actually think old blue eyes-Frank Sinatra- was a better singer than Luther; you might be a house negro.
If you think Halle Barry is hotter than Lisa Raye; you just might be a house negro. (male version)
If you still call Muhamed Ali Cassius Clay; you might be a house negro.
If you think end zone celebrations in football are out of control; yep, you might just be a house negro.
If you think an HBC is a bank; you might be a house negro.
If you know someone who went to Bob Jones or Liberty University; you might be a house negro.
If when you hear of a Jaguar mascot in sports you think right away of Jacksonville and not Southern University; well you just might be a house negro.
If you think Rodney King deserved to get his ass kicked; you might be a house negro.
If you watched "Friends" and not "Living Single"; you just might be a house negro.
If you think the gipper was a great President; whew, yep you might be a house negro.
If white people tell you;" when I see you I don't see black or white, I just see a person." Well guess what, you just might be a house negro.
If you go to Starbucks for the ambience; you just might be a house negro.
If you think Armstrong Williams is an intellectual; you might be a house negro.
If you watch Fox and Friends; you might be a house negro.
If you think Roots was a black musical version of Hair; you might have house negro issues.
If you are over forty years old and have never seen "Cooley High"; you might be a house negro.
If you are under thirty and never saw "Boyz n The Hood"; the same applies.
If you actually watch Webster re runs on television; you might be a house negro.
If you think The Bayou Classic is a famous book by a Louisiana author; you might just be a house negro.
If you just love Montana in the spring ; you might be a house negro.
If you have to travel over thirty minutes to get to church; well you might just be a house negro.[You have to think about that last one]
If you are sure that the last police officer that stopped you was just making sure it was your car and someone wasn't stealing it; well your dumb ass might be a house negro.
If you are a grown ass man or woman and you call teenage white kids sir and mam; well you might be a house negro.
If you can see why O.J. killed Nicole-cause heavens forbid he was about to lose missy-then your ignorant behind might be a house negro.
If you got mad and quit the country club when you found out another black person was joining; your snooty ass might just be a house negro.
If you can sing the words to one Toby Keith song; you might be a house negro.
If your kids play lacrosse; you might be a house negro with house negro kids.
If you know the rules of Polo; yeah buddy, you just might be a house negro.
If you have ever cried during one single episode of Oprah; you just might be, just maybe, a house negro.
If you get the entire Paris Hilton thing; well your black ass might be a house negro.
And finally, if you think Tupac is a video game; well then your dumb ignorant behind, might just qualify for house negro status.

Now I gotta go, I hope I didn't offend you house negroes out there. After all, I need scraps from massa's table sometimes, so I can't afford to piss you off.
















21 comments:

Asabagna said...

Hey Dread... you had me cracking up!!!

ugz said...

FN:

Now I remember!!! i.e what I wanted to tell you what the great teacher said in his documentary movie, John H Clarke. He broke down non violence and its usage in the civil rights perfectly for a field negro's ears... check the scenes and what JHC says. Pronounce the bolded words heavily to get the full effect.


Scene: Mahatama Ghandi doing his thing-

JHC then says-- Ghandi's NON VIOLENT protest was a Strategy. (A strategy of Conflict or War!--Something you can throw away when it no more works)

Scene:
The Civil Rights Movement-- The we shall overcome strolls-

JHC then says--
The Civil Rights Movement of Non Violence was a WAY OF LIFE .

Scene--
MLK answering a question saying that he got the concept of Non Violence from Jesus of Nazareth, and the operational techniques from Ghandi.

JHC then in true Field Negro intellect says:
A strategy can NEVER be a way of life.

ugz said...

I just wanted to share the above, I felt it is necessary for a Field Ear.

LOL @ knowing GOP and 30 minutes drive to church

:)

Anonymous said...

Watch it UGZ!
Knowing what GOP means AND a thirty minute drive to chruch?

OK, I will give you a pass with just two. You say too many deep things to qualify for HN status just based on that alone :)

FN

Anonymous said...

There's house negroes, there's field negroes, then there's dumb negroes. Looks like you've found your niche with the third group.

Anonymous said...

Always nice to hear from a house negro or his massa!

Keap reading you might learn something!

FN

mark said...

Field Negro

FN said:If your kids play lacrosse; you might be a house negro with house negro kids.

Mark said: That would make Jim Brown mother's a house Negro because Jim Brown was an all american LaCrosse player at Syracuse

FN said:If you think Halle Barry is hotter than Lisa Raye; you just might be a house negro. (male version)

Mark said: Dont get this one?



If you think end zone celebrations in football are out of control; yep, you might just be a house negro.

Mark said: I thought you believe that shucking, jiving and dancing were cooning. You already admitted that T.O had coon tendacies, wouldnt that extend to making cell phone calls after you score a TD.

If when you hear of a Jaguar mascot in sports you think right away of Jacksonville and not Southern University; well you just might be a house negro.

Mark said: Dont get this one either.

FN said:If you watch Fox and Friends; you might be a house negro.

Mark said: I watch meet the press, chris mathews, the Newshour( pbs) and fox news on sunday. I have never been a house negro.

FN said: If you just love Montana in the spring ; you might be a house negro.

mark said: Have you ever been to montana in the spring or any other time.

Field negro you are not consistant on who you claim are coons and field negro. For instances called McNabb of house negro over T.O that's unbelievable. Anyway this is a very stupid and inconsistant post. Someone who is a lawyer and has a college degree should know better. mark

field negro said...

Thanks for the input Mark. I will try to do this pelucidly -see, I did go to college- for you.

End zone celebrations, are not necessarily cooning. A supreme athlete celebrating the fact that he has just made a great play in a unique way is not cooning. Doing sit ups on your lawn for the entire Philly media however could be perceived as cooning. Thus I had to almost go their with T.O.

Mmmm, you don't get the Halle Barry Lisa Raye comparisons? Well... Ok I will let that one go. You do know who Lisa Raye is right?

Yeah we all know that Jim Brown played lacrosse at the Cuse. But do you know anymore black lacrosee players that stand out? At any level, any level at all. When was the last time you had a pick up game of lacrosse with your friends?

And as for the Jaguars thing. Well this one pains me that you don't know it. And I am assuming that you are black -if you are not I stand corrected. But if you don't know that the mascot of the largest and greatest HBC in the country and arch rivals to those Grambling Tigers -who by the way cpmpete every year in the best sporting event in the country (The Bayou Classic) against each other-is a Jaguar. Well....mmmm

Fox & Friends is not the same as Fox on Sundays so no harm no foul with you watching Fox on Sundays.
{Although I must wonder why are you even watching FAUX news?}

You are right,I have never been to Montana in the spring or any other time, and I am guessing neither have 99.999% of the other black people in this country; thus my point.

Finally, Mark, I understand that people have differences of opinions, and I do say some of these things half jokingly-just half jokinlgy. So lighten up, and try no to be such a literalist all the time.

Peace!

FN

ugz said...

Mark:

Please note that doing the activities on the posting do not necesarily make you a House Negro. FN, clearly ended every single activity with "you might be a house negro.

And take it for the fun it is homie... I engage in many of the house negro activities, usually to camoflage myself and appear unthreatening to the master.

Anonymous said...

It's "Undercover Brother"

negrorage said...

lol@ field negro for thinking its cool to apply the house/field negro distinction in present day political discourse.

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