Monday, June 05, 2006

The Field-Negroes Racism Quiz

Folks consider this post a self improvement exercise from the field-negro. Yes, it's the Oprahization[sic] of the field-Negro's blog. I am going to give you a little pop quiz to help you realize if you are a racist or to help you recognize racism when you see it.

This is necessary because black folks are always crying racism, and white folks are always saying that they are not. Now this is no ordinary quiz, it comes from years of experience as a field-negro, and extensive interviews conducted with my black and white friends. (Honest white folks by the way, who are not afraid to tell the field-negro how they really feel)

Ok, here goes. And no peeking at the answers.

1. You - a black person- are invited to a picnic being thrown by some white co-workers to celebrate your birthday. As you enter the picnic area, displayed prominently on the main picnic table, are rows and rows of fresh juicy watermelons. Your white co workers are racist. True or False.

2. You- a black female- are sitting behind your desk at your very corporate job, when a white co-worker comes behind you and starts rubbing the top of your head. They then declare; I just love how that feels. This co-worker is a racist. True or False.

3. You -a black person- are at a party with all white people when the DJ starts playing some old Prince tunes. The white party goers all turn to you and ask you to bust a move. They are racist. True or False.

4. You -a black person- are asked to show your ID by the cashier after making a purchase with your American Express gold card. The cashier is a racist. True or False.

5. You-a black person- approach an elderly couple sitting in their car waiting on the light to change. As you get closer you notice that they lock their car doors. They are racist. True or False.

6. You-a black person- are sitting on a plane and bored out of your mind. The white passenger sitting next to you--- in an attempt to be accommodating offers you the sports section of his "USA Today". He is a racist. True or False.

7. You- a black person- are sitting at the light in your brand new Chrysler 3000, when a young white boy pulls up next to you; his tape blasting a rap song with the word n****r in every sentence. This white boy is a racist. True or False.

8. A white person is watching the NBA finals, and he is secretly wishing that there could be just a few more white starters on each team. This white person is a racist. True or False.

9. A white person notices that the for sale sign on his white neighbor's lawn is gone. He goes outside to check it out, and see an older black lady with about seven young black males unloading furniture from the back of a pick up truck. She explains to him that these are her seven grandsons, and that thanks to a section 8 grant, she will be moving in right next to him. He immediately heads inside to contact your real estate agent. This white person is a racist. True or false.

10. A white person subscribes to the 12% rule. If he attends any public venue and more than 12% of the people there are black; he immediately make plans to leave. This white person is a racist. True or False.


Answers:

1. FALSE: White people love watermelons too. Don't be so sensitive. Now if someone at the picnic had said: "Hey look it's field-negro, look at the nice watermelons we got you field-negro, help yourself." Well, that person would have been racist.

2. TRUE: Not only is this co-worker racist, they are dumb too. Actions like that can lead to an ass kicking. NEVER EVER touch a black female's hair without permission. Heck, her man or husband can't touch her hair without her permission.

3. FALSE: So they think you can dance because you are black, that's no big deal. Being able to dance is a good thing. (Now shuffling, that's a different story)

4. FALSE: If the cashier asked the white person in front of you for ID too. TRUE: If they did not
(That was a freebie question, you can have no wrong answer here)

5. FALSE: Those old white people aren't racist, they are just smart.

6. TRUE: Big time racist. He assumes that all black people want to read about is sports. Why didn't he give you the business page?

7. FALSE: If you have a problem with young white boys vibing to rap songs with the word n****r in it, get on the black rappers who write the lyrics.

8. FALSE: You best believe I wish like hell there were more brothers starting in the NHL. And unless it's a Philly team, I always cheer for the team with the most brothers. So I can't knock the white guy for doing the same thing. He cheered for Bird, I cheered for Magic. No harm no foul.

9. FALSE: Seven young males, and a grandmother! Heck; I don't care if they are black, white, yellow, or brown. I would have been calling my real estate agent too.

10. TRUE: That was a give away question just in case the quiz is too tough for you.

So how did you do? If you got between 8-10 right you are a race expert.
Jessie should call you first before he makes a move.

If you got between 5-8 right keep working on it you are getting there.

If you got 3-5 right you might have some issues. This blog should be required reading for you on a daily basis.

And if you got less than 3 right; well, there is always the republican party. (I kid, I kid)

15 comments:

Asabagna said...

FN... you crack me up man! I almost pissed my pants! You got TOO much time on your hands for a lawyer! Blessings.

field negro said...

Government lawyer, government lawyer:)

FN

mark said...

FN I thought you were above milking the goverment. Mark

field negro said...

Mark, you should understand me by now. I am kidding of course! I don't milk the government or short change myself-I have my own practice on the side. It actually doesn't take me very long to write a post, (I guess this answered a previous question you had) I have so much s**t in my head that I can't wait to put on paper.

Peace!

mark said...

Just joking FN. I could care less if you milk the goverment. Do you remember how back in 94 when the repubs took congress up until now, the repubs have been jumping up and down claiming that the Dems are incompent and wasteful with the tax payers money. Remember W Bush talking all that good stewardship with money stuff. Well let me tell you about thier ( repubs) about thier " good stewardship". During the 2004 Hurricane season I worked for Fema. I was a Disaster Recovery Assistant, anyway all that means is I helped process claims of people who's homes had been afected by the hurricane season. Anyway thier were 4 of us, I was on the low end of the payscale, but some folks were making a nice chunk of change, and were able to go home and collect unemployment as we were doing seasonal work. Anyway we were working 12 hour days 7 days a week and sometimes we would assist less than 10 people. Now this was during election year mind you. We all had rental cars, paid for by the goverment, per diem, laundry stipends,and heres the kicker we each had hotel rooms right on the beach ( gulf of mexico). This total waste of money went on for about 3 months. Even though our office wasnt that busy we stayed open for 3 months wasting goverment tax payer money of course. Just so happens that 04 was an election year. Hmm. So I could care less if anyone waste goverment money. Also never, ever believe the repubs when they talk about wasteful spending, they are every bit as wasteful as Dems, except they like to waste it on thier causes. That is the only difference. mark

Steve Falcon said...

FN, I'm Black, a Republican, and a conservative. You and I probably won't agree on much politically, but I did agree with most of your answers on the quiz (I don't believe someone who hands you the Sports section of a newspaper is racist and it's silly to think they are).

You're a sharp guy and funny, too. Enjoyed your blog.

BTW, off topic, Black Republicans or conservatives aren't house-Negros. Implying that they are would be...well, racist.

field negro said...

Steve, you are right about that, and believe it or not, I have much love for some black repubs. I know I am hard on some of the national figures, and more often than not, they show up on my bad lists. But trust me, it's not political with me. And yes, just lumping all black conservative as house negores would be racist as well as misguided. I know some repubs doing some good works in the so called fields, and some dems. who are firmly planted in the house, or trying to get there- see Harold Ford- But that's for another time.

Anyway, thanks for checking in, and welcome to the dialogue.

FN

stacey said...

I agreed with all your answers.It's my first 15 minutes on your blog , Initially I was skeptical about the name of the blog so far so good ;-)

swingking said...

Popped in here from crooksandliars. I took your race quiz and did pretty good considering. As a white Canadian construction worker who considers himself a equal opportunity racist, I deserve a pat on the back. I always like to base my racism not on colour, but on whether the person is an asshole or regular joe.

Anyways, I like your blog and have bookmarked it for further reading.

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Warren said...

Regarding #2, I assume that you feel it's racism because the white person likes how a black person's hair feels different, and that is racism. The fact that a black female doesn't like to have her hair touched is unrelated - this is just a lack of knowledge. On to my point, I'm a white male with a crazy afro. If someone touches my hair (which I don't like) because he/she likes the feel of it, can I claim racism too?

Humanocentric said...

#2 - I agree with Warren, having grown up with black girls I know the hair rule but it isn't really racist for someone to like the feel of your hair. It is insensitive which mainly comes from a lack of knowledge about the effort put into black hair (someone should give the colleague a copy of the documentary Hair) but I think the colleague probably just didn't grow up with black people, that's not their fault and it doesn't make them a racist. If someone touched my hair without asking I would be creeped out, not because of a race issue, but that's just weird, and borderline if not full-fledged sexual harassment.

#3. This IS racism, just because it's a positive racial association doesn't mean that it isn't racism.

#6. Dude, maybe the guy already read that section and is still working his way through the rest of the paper. Either that or maybe he doesn't care about sports. Don't call racism just because he offered you a sports section. That's messed up. I call over sensitive.

#9. I think this actually depends on the motivations for calling. If it was because the woman bought the house with a grant and the overall neighbourhood has/is on a downward trend then, the house being an investment, you'd want to find out what's happening and consider selling but if it's because the woman and her grandkids are black then that's messed up.

Vantage point: Urban, white, Canadian, female, living in the Middle East for 3+ years with a background in politics and an interdisciplinary education