Folks consider this post a self improvement exercise from the field-negro. Yes, it's the Oprahization[sic] of the field-Negro's blog. I am going to give you a little pop quiz to help you realize if you are a racist or to help you recognize racism when you see it.
This is necessary because black folks are always crying racism, and white folks are always saying that they are not. Now this is no ordinary quiz, it comes from years of experience as a field-negro, and extensive interviews conducted with my black and white friends. (Honest white folks by the way, who are not afraid to tell the field-negro how they really feel)
Ok, here goes. And no peeking at the answers.
1. You - a black person- are invited to a picnic being thrown by some white co-workers to celebrate your birthday. As you enter the picnic area, displayed prominently on the main picnic table, are rows and rows of fresh juicy watermelons. Your white co workers are racist. True or False.
2. You- a black female- are sitting behind your desk at your very corporate job, when a white co-worker comes behind you and starts rubbing the top of your head. They then declare; I just love how that feels. This co-worker is a racist. True or False.
3. You -a black person- are at a party with all white people when the DJ starts playing some old Prince tunes. The white party goers all turn to you and ask you to bust a move. They are racist. True or False.
4. You -a black person- are asked to show your ID by the cashier after making a purchase with your American Express gold card. The cashier is a racist. True or False.
5. You-a black person- approach an elderly couple sitting in their car waiting on the light to change. As you get closer you notice that they lock their car doors. They are racist. True or False.
6. You-a black person- are sitting on a plane and bored out of your mind. The white passenger sitting next to you--- in an attempt to be accommodating offers you the sports section of his "USA Today". He is a racist. True or False.
7. You- a black person- are sitting at the light in your brand new Chrysler 3000, when a young white boy pulls up next to you; his tape blasting a rap song with the word n****r in every sentence. This white boy is a racist. True or False.
8. A white person is watching the NBA finals, and he is secretly wishing that there could be just a few more white starters on each team. This white person is a racist. True or False.
9. A white person notices that the for sale sign on his white neighbor's lawn is gone. He goes outside to check it out, and see an older black lady with about seven young black males unloading furniture from the back of a pick up truck. She explains to him that these are her seven grandsons, and that thanks to a section 8 grant, she will be moving in right next to him. He immediately heads inside to contact your real estate agent. This white person is a racist. True or false.
10. A white person subscribes to the 12% rule. If he attends any public venue and more than 12% of the people there are black; he immediately make plans to leave. This white person is a racist. True or False.
1. FALSE: White people love watermelons too. Don't be so sensitive. Now if someone at the picnic had said: "Hey look it's field-negro, look at the nice watermelons we got you field-negro, help yourself." Well, that person would have been racist.
2. TRUE: Not only is this co-worker racist, they are dumb too. Actions like that can lead to an ass kicking. NEVER EVER touch a black female's hair without permission. Heck, her man or husband can't touch her hair without her permission.
3. FALSE: So they think you can dance because you are black, that's no big deal. Being able to dance is a good thing. (Now shuffling, that's a different story)
4. FALSE: If the cashier asked the white person in front of you for ID too. TRUE: If they did not
(That was a freebie question, you can have no wrong answer here)
5. FALSE: Those old white people aren't racist, they are just smart.
6. TRUE: Big time racist. He assumes that all black people want to read about is sports. Why didn't he give you the business page?
7. FALSE: If you have a problem with young white boys vibing to rap songs with the word n****r in it, get on the black rappers who write the lyrics.
8. FALSE: You best believe I wish like hell there were more brothers starting in the NHL. And unless it's a Philly team, I always cheer for the team with the most brothers. So I can't knock the white guy for doing the same thing. He cheered for Bird, I cheered for Magic. No harm no foul.
9. FALSE: Seven young males, and a grandmother! Heck; I don't care if they are black, white, yellow, or brown. I would have been calling my real estate agent too.
10. TRUE: That was a give away question just in case the quiz is too tough for you.
So how did you do? If you got between 8-10 right you are a race expert.
Jessie should call you first before he makes a move.
If you got between 5-8 right keep working on it you are getting there.
If you got 3-5 right you might have some issues. This blog should be required reading for you on a daily basis.
And if you got less than 3 right; well, there is always the republican party. (I kid, I kid)