Thursday, August 10, 2006

King Of The Fields

I told you I would not comment directly on the news for awhile, and I will not. There is just so much happening in the news right now that my poor brain is locked into news over load. It's just way too much for the field-negro to deal with. Anyway, I am sitting here in the fields, glad the heat wave finally broke, and thinking about the world and all of its problems. Why just today there was a major terrorist plot uncovered in England to blow up airplanes over the Atlantic. May I steal a line from Arsenio? It makes me want to say mmmmmm. So they have been watching these guys for months and just decided to move in on them? That's funny, why are they moving in now that my man Tony Blair is in political trouble in the UK, not to mention, major mid-term elections coming up in this country? But I digress, it may, after all, just be the cynic in me coming out again. So while in the fields, my mind starts to wonder, and I say to myself; self, what if you were King of the world or at least of the United States, what changes would you make?

So here goes:

If I were King of the world, there would be no death penalty period. No civilized society puts another human being to death. Lock him up and throw away the key. Force him to do free manual labor for the rest of his life to benefit society, but don't take his life. Especially given our very human proclivities towards bias.

If I were King of the world, a woman would be free to do what she wants with her body. I have always said that if men could have babies, there would be drive through abortion clinics. Now do I like the idea of aborting a fetus? No, but then again, it aint my body carrying it.

If I were King of the world marijuana would be legal and taxed like tobacco. I know I am from Jamaica, but give me a break. Nothing that comes out of the earth and is not touched by any man made chemicals-like cigarettes for instance-should be illegal to smoke. And Bill, you are a f#$@*%g lier, you did inhale.

If I were King of the world, organ donation would be mandatory. Like what the f#@# are you doing with it? You are dead!

If I were King of the world, homosexuals would be free to marry, adopt children, and have every legal right that heterosexuals have.

And speaking of marriage, if I were King of the world, marriage license would expire every five years. - like a driver's license- That way you could have an option of renewing that bad boy. Think of all the headaches and money people could save, not having to go through the entire divorce process.

If I were King of the world, every elected politician would have to send their child to a public school for the equivalent number of years that they stay in public office. Think about it; Chelsea Clinton, and the Bush twins would have gone to public schools for their entire educational career. Now that, as my white friends like to say, would be "rich".

And speaking of schools, if I were king of the world, parents would be fined $100 for every PTA meeting they miss. Unless they bring a damn good excuse why they weren't there. Parents will also be fined if their children miss over 25% of classes, or forget to do 25% of their homework assignments in a given school year.

And under King Field, teachers will be given bonuses if their classes out perform the previous year. Mmmm sounds like "no child left behind" I didn't say frat boy was all bad. I happen to like parts of the "no child left behind" program.

If I were King of the world, all preachers would be taxed relative to the membership of their churches.

If I were King of the world reparations would be in the form of a free state funded college
education if an individual can prove that he or she was a direct descendant of slaves. The land grant state college in the state in which they reside, would guarantee them four years of college as long as they graduate high school with a "B" average.

If I were King of the world, welfare to work recipients would be given mandatory classes in debt and personal management skills. And section 8 recipients would not be punished for having a man in the home, as long as he does not have a criminal record, and he either has a job, or is trying to find one.

Speaking of welfare; people who are granted public assistance would be removed from their grant if they did not vote. And speaking of voting, felons -if, and only if, they complete their sentences- would be given the right to vote. Also if you are on public assistance, you will not be allowed to get benefits for more than two children.

If I am King of the world, affirmative action quotas, will be based on your income and background, not your race or your gender.

If I am King of the world, there will be term limits for every elected branch of government-not just the presidency- No more Jessie Helms damn near dying in the senate before his old racist ass had to go.

If I am King of the world, insurance companies will have to give auto policy holders a rebate check every five years that they- the policy holder- stays accident free.

If I am King of the world, all you can eat food joints would ban patrons who appear to be more than one hundred pounds over weight. Yes obesity is a national health problem. Hell, we ban cigerette smoking in public places, so let's stop overweight people from killing themselves in public places. And speaking of overweight; (And I stole this one from somebody) food items in the supermarket should be taxed proportionately to the calories in them and not the price.

If I were King of the world, the IMF would forgive the debt owed to it by all Third World countries. Like those greedy SOB's need the money. And while I am still king, I might as well force countries like America and other first world countries to buy farm products from poorer countries first before they buy anywhere else. It's the least they could do after years of colonialist exploitation.

If I were King of the world, I would ban assault and semi automatic weapons in all areas where there is a population of over fifty thousand people. Heck, you know what, I would ban all hand guns period in these areas. Only those in law enforcement can have handguns. Lock your f$#@&%g guns up at the gun or hunting club. So if your ass gets caught with one in the city, it's a mandatory five year sentence. And if you are caught selling one, it's a mandatory ten years.

If I were King of the world, I would stop funding NASA with the government's money. I would use some of that money for things like surveillance cameras for high crime areas, more funding for mass transit, more funding for things like child support enforcement and after school recreational programs. Space can wait. I don't think we are missing out on too much up there anyway.

If I were King of the world, I would offer more tax relief for people who buy hybrid cars, and people who own small business. Especially those people who try to start their businesses in poorer communities. Oh, and they woud have to be citizins, I am sick of foreign business in the hood. Ever notice that they only hire their own family members to work in these stores? What does that tell you black folks? Get your own!

Finally, If I were King of the world, I would order Jessie Jackson, Ann Coulter,Rush Limpbough, Bill Oliely, Al Sharpton, Sean Hannity, Michael Eric Dyson,Ken Blackwell, Michael Savage, Ray Nagin, and...oh what the heck, lets throw Clarence Thomas in there too. All sent to Gitmo indefinitely until I decide it's time for them to be released. Oh, it's good to be king. Now I know what King George feels like :)

Oh, before I go, the King must have a Queeen. Mmmmm let's see now, Ok Lark looks like you are it.

I'm out.


plez... said...

Here! Here! I vote Field Negro to be King for Life.

mark said...

I would vote for you to be a king. God bless you sir....Oh I mean your royal Fieldness

Francis said...

Field Negro, I dug your piece on field-negro 101 but this king S%$#
is to progressive for my taste. Some of it sounds cool, like term-limits, banning assault weapons, and giving teachers bonuses... Yea, all that's understandable. But you sart tinkering with folk's 2nd amendment rights and you might find yourself in the mist of a civil war.

Quite as kept, the one issue that will send white folk (men)over the edge is gun-laws. Screw gay marriage, abortion rights and stem-cell research. If this country ever makes a serious attemp to take those guns away and watch what happens.

field negro said...

Big up Plez, but not for life, the field-negro wants to enjoy the fields not run it ;)

Mark, nice to see you back my young brother, I hope you are still holding it down in the Nation's Capitol.

Francis, I hear you, but I am, as you have probably noticed by now, pretty much a social libertarian. I believe in leaving people alone to their free will, as long as they are not hurting anybody or society as a whole. As for the guns thing, I do think the second amendment debate in this country needs to be revisited. Because as you well know, there is some seriously f#@$#d up stuff going on in our inner cities when it comes to guns.

Asabagna said...

FN, as usual you give me a good chuckle! I have a couple of comments to share with you.

As a terrorism investigator, I have come to believe that once you get beyond the so-called left and right wing rhetoric, propaganda and conspiracy theories, it is not Bush or Blair we primarily need to be concerned about (when it comes to issues concerning terrorism). It’s Muslim males between the ages of 15-? yrs. of age. Read any of the speeches of Bin Ladin and/or Al-Zawahiri (and numerous other jhadists) and you will see that they are very clear about their objectives. There is no secret. They are at WAR with the West and there are those who are inspired, if not directly led, by this ideology. I know that most Muslims do not support their ideology, HOWEVER … 19 MUSLIM men changed the world on 9/11… okay… if you take into account those who provided logistical and other support.. let’s say 50-60 MUSLIM men. So I say if they want to fight a war… THEN LET’S FIGHT A WAR! Rendition their assezz if need be to countries that have lax interrogation protocols if we need to get intelligence or information of plots to kill you and me and our friends and families. While they are committed to hurting us, we are committed to minimizing or justifying their plots and actions. I travel quite a bit by air, recently up to last week. When I enter a plane I make myself aware of who is sitting up front in business class near the cockpit. I try to identify who the Air Marshal may be. AND I always request an aisle seat! If it comes to it, I don’t want to have to squeeze through a couple people to get my one and only chance if or when it comes, to put a beat down if need be to save my life… or put up a good fight trying!

There is also something which I truly don’t understand and maybe you can shed some light on it for me. There are those who see the death penalty as wrong, but support the killing of an unborn child. How can one be against the killing of a human being who has most likely committed some heinous crime which deserves the death penalty and yet supports the terminating the life of an unborn defenseless human being for the purpose of birth control or the shunning of ones responsibility?? I know you don’t like the idea of abortion. I am against it also… however I do believe in choice and that both the man and woman should equally have a say in making that choice… since they both conceived the child. I understand the need for abortion if the life of the mother is in danger or even if tests show that the child is most likely to be so severely handicapped that it’s quality of life would be diminished. I have contemplated and had many conversations concerning this issue… but no-one has satisfactorily explained this paradox in thinking to me. I know it's a complex issue and there may be no easy and/or clear answer, but I would appreciate your views either here or via email.

Finally, I like your choice for your Queen. BTW… I heard that her restraining order has been signed by a Judge…. FYI…


field negro said...

Asa, OK bra, you make me think and I love you for that.-must be that yawdie bond-But I think I am consistent in my belief system when it comes to abortion and the taking of a life. I am against abortion, but I do beleive that if the person that created that seed has reason to believe-within the first three monhts-that she cannot carry it to fruition, it's on her. And yes, I do believe that her partner should have a say as well. But you are right, it is a complicated issu e.

Also, I think a state sanctioned killing, such as the death penalty puts us in a different dilemma than the abortion problem. In that I think; any state that pays for and actively participates in taking the life of another human being, is heading to the same place morally that the person we want to kill has been. And that is a bad thing for society as a whole.

As for the terrorism thing, I think working in that field, and living in Canada gives you a different perpective. But honestly, I am not as concerened with young Muslim men as you are. I am concerned with young brothers in the city trying to pop a cap into someone else, and accidentaly shooting my black ass. That's the real terror American urban dwellers face every day. Not to mention some white supremacist having a bad day, and deciding to take out every field-negro he sees. So my war on terror would start right here.


Asabagna said...

FN... I feel yah working Bruh! Thanks for the response.


Aulelia said...

just off topic about the heathrow incident, field negro i was there and trust me, the anti-islamic sentiment is going to sky-rocket in britain now to heights unseen. even the muslism in the airport were being deathstared...

field negro said...

aulelia, that's unfortunate, but I can just imagine with all the news stories floating around. Now I am not naive and I know that there are radical muslims here and in the UK, who would do just what the alleged plot was planning. But sorry, as I said to Asa, I am just not buying into all the hysteria, I think there is an ulterior motive behind all of this. Maybe history will prove me wrong, but I doubt it.

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