This post is going to be...well, interesting. You see I was having lunch with a very nice sister the other day, and we got to talking about inter racial relationships. This eventually led to talk about a certain web site, [No direct links for you. You can link the site through one of the links below] and the interesting twist she puts on the whole interracial dating thing.
Said web site is run by a black female who promotes interracial relationships and encourages sisters to date outside of their race. OK, so far so good, because, hey, this is A-merry-ca, and to each his (or her) own as far as I am concerned. True love can be color blind, so that is not my issue.
But then I remembered, this is the same sista that was the cause of an e-fight between two talented black brothers, a fight which I think has caused an ongoing strain in their relationship. Hell, I think I even got between the tit for tat with a post or two, because I thought the entire issue with this blogger was undermining the true spirit of the Afrospear movement.
Anyway, I went to the site, of one of the brothers involved and my suspicions were confirmed. This was the same site run by the same female blogger who somehow had managed to become the object of all this discussion. Now I have no problems with this sista wanting to date outside of her race; but bashing brothers while she goes "Monsters Ball" on us is quite a different story.
So the purpose of this post is to ask this simple question: (Because I have some strong suspicions about this sista) Has anyone ever seen a picture of this blogger? If you have, could you please send me a link? Or, if the blogger herself happens to be reading this and has a photo of herself, the field would appreciate a link. **WARNING** if you send me your picture I will post it.
Maybe later I will get into why this is important; but for now, ---I am sorry to be so cryptic -- that is all I have to say :)
Peace. (I think)
38 comments:
I have visited her blog several times and I have found her views to be interesting and passionate. I even e-mailed her a while back so learn more about her blog for an article I am writing.
I know this post isn't about inter-racial rels per se but I just wanted to give my views quickly. The volte-face that is now occuring is between black women, as opposed to against black men. In one corner, you have the black female bloggers who proudly talk about ''black love'' and are almost like self-appointed black police against people who don't have black spouses, then in the other corner, you have black female bloggers who date IR and are proud of that and want to give it some more coverage yet sound like they seem validated when they have a white spouse...
In my opinion, nothing is wrong with either their views because they are promoting discussion but I lean towards the black love aspect more because I just *love* seeing black couples 2gether. I always say this but nothing looks more powerful to me than a black couple walking down the street. Bear in mind that I live in a mid-sized English town so you don't get many black couples together but when you do...heads turn for sure!
My perspective may be slightly different since I live in England and I know US race issues are much more complex than here but in a country such as England where 50% of Black British men date outside their race, is it wrong of me to want to be with a black man and have no mild interest in dating white men? Maybe. Maybe not. All I know is I just want to perserve what I have. and that's my race.
Good post!
Field, please take your medicaiton regularly. Get over it and stop being a queen. Gay men get that petty. Ok, so you don't like something she said. So, now you want her picture to post.
Why don't you go to black male bloggers websites who glorify every other woman but the black woman. Get into a ridiculous e-fight over nothing, post it on your site and then ask your readers to send you pics to post. I'm all for call to action over important ish but not over your childish online bull$hit.
This post is petty and very immature. Get over it already! So she said something you didn't like. Big f-king deal. Who cares what she looks like. Why don't you post a picture of yourself!
aulelia,thanks for your perspective on the interacial issue, I have been to that side of the pond, and you are right,relationships there are much more complex. But honestly, this post isn't about that, it's about certain individuals, and their hangups with themselves.
"Field, please take your medicaiton regularly. Get over it and stop being a queen. Gay men get that petty. Ok, so you don't like something she said. So, now you want her picture to post. "
Anon. stay out of my medicine cabinet. And what's with the ignorant statement about Gay people being petty. (Maybe I am a Gay man; is anything wrong with that?)
"Why don't you go to black male bloggers websites who glorify every other woman but the black woman.."
Mmm, never seen one, care to provide a link?
"This post is petty and very immature. Get over it already! So she said something you didn't like. Big f-king deal. Who cares what she looks like. Why don't you post a picture of yourself!"
Yes, I think I tend to be immature at times. Chalk it up to a fear of growing old. (You know "Toys R Us Kid)And what the fuck; I do miss a good e-fight now and then, it keeps me sharp.
BTW, I have posted my picture on a couple of occasions on this site. And for the record, my profile can be seen on this site evey day,(or in the corner of my comments) since I use my OWN profile as my logo. So I am not sure what your point is.....well, maybe I do. [So who is being petty now?]
Tell your friend on that other site hi for me, and tell her I am still waiting on that pic ;)
hahahaha. You gotta love it when folks get so mand at you that they try to out you. You clearly touched a nerve. Actually, I blogged on this a week ago (since you never visit mine) re: Bliss Broyard's memoir of her passing for white dad and Halle Berry's retreat back to racial ambiguity in "Things We Lost in The Fire," where she's married to my Princeton classmate (and he was a pecker back the, too) David Duchovny.
If a sister's right-minded and just loves some dude with whom she has so much in common in the balance sheet, except race, then go for it. But don't go white for the reason we brothas do-hahahaha. How about that for hypocrisy, but at least I admit it, and I sense hat yeah, many of we black men are petty, immature fools with misplaced priorities and a chip on our shoulders, and yeah, that might herd sisters toward white dudes. It's complex, but truly I do think we as men aren't stepping up as uch as we should, and there are a few knuckleheads who are ruining it for th good brothas, whilst there are a lot og hoes and baby mamas and golddiggers who are ruining it for good black women.
I just don't like the end product of these union,s where the blackness (heritage, history, perspective--and I don't ean ghettofab or Afro Centric new agey crap) gets absorbed in the whiteness, and then everyone ecides to be "exotic" or Tiger Woods...
Could someone please provide the blog site or a link to this black female, please?
Personally, I could care less who people sleep with as long as they are 2 consenting adults - male or female? There are enough black men on the "d l" and married too; lost my sister-in-law to AIDS being a "strong supportive wife" of one of them.
And Field (Joke for you) "Funny, your avatar doesn't look gay" LOL!!!
Cassandra
Field, I think you are being messy. Come on! And because you are all up in it or I should say how you are all up in it, there seems to something misogynistic about it. Just like Lashawn Barber, there seems to be a burr under your saddle, a thorn in your side, a bee in your bonnet, because you cannot control how some black women think, talk, act, etc. So what are you saying, this woman is white? WTF? She is so evil, so subversive to the patriarchy that she has to be supernatural, elusive, or a blue eye devil. Winnie Ruth I presume? What? Come on. Good gawd. Is this as good as it gets?
lost my sister-in-law to AIDS being a "strong supportive wife" of one of them.
I was just thinking about this. I read somewhere the other day how black women are increasing in numbers because black men cannot admit they are gay. WTF? "No, I'm not gay, I just like to fuck a man, then bring aids home to my black woman, because she ain't shit, bitch better take it and like it." That's what you could talk about instead of being messy. Talk about your brothers on the DL and why they have to pretend instead of coming clean.
Or if you are not implying she is white, are you saying she is ugly, fat, old. In other words, if she is not all that appearance wise no one should listen to her. If so, that is some sexist shit right there. Just saying.
btw, I don't even know who the hell we are talking about. But can do the hypothetical just like the next person.
I know the site that FN is referring, and I have my doubts about it too. The author of the blog purports to be a Black woman whos in an interracial relationship. Her entire site is all about encouraging Black women to not limit their chances for romance, and date outside of their race. Some of her arguments are sound, others not so much (specifically the "Black men are doing it, so we should do it too" one).
Shes got pics all over her blog of BW/WM couples and single Black women looking to meet men of other races...BUT no pic of herself. Which leads me to wonder...if shes so secure in herself, if she truly believes in her message and her blog...why is she hiding?
Hell, I talk about my sex life, which sometimes includes swinging, in graphic detail and I still show my face! No shame in my game, lol.
Her lack of pic makes me wonder.
L
I wish there was a link. I have been to the site once awhile back. I really don't know how you could devote so much time to interracial dating. She is supposing that if black women don't limit there outlook on interracial dating that it will occur. Those encounters usually happened naturally and I don't think that all that many white men are looking for black women. Bashing black men is not going to make the white prince charming pop up and in her promotion she should consider that some would have interest to test the stereotype of the sexuality of black women. When FN asked for as photo, I was thinking the same thing. Is she white?
Thanks for that clarification lola.
Sorry casandra, I will not provide a link. But you can go to the link I provided in the post, and I think that blogger provided a link to the site I am referring to.
kitty,I am not being misogynistic,I am very much in touch with my feminine side thank you very much.
And talk about my Mama, talk about my looks, my family, my dog; whatever. But don't ever compare me to LaShawn Barber. Dem there is fighten words. That is waaaay below the belt :)
But seriously, this post might seem petty, but I will post on it again tomorrow, which I think will offer some insight on where I was trying to go.
Asking someone to post a pic of themselves on the internet as some sort of validation for what they espouse is crazy... For those of you who do post your pic, great. But this woman's arguements stand or fall on their own - how she looks or what race she is shouldn't matter. If there is one thing that has troubled me as I read your blog Field, it's that often some of your readers (those who comment anyway) and maybe even you sometimes, judge an arguement someone is making based on their race. And I just don't think that is right.
I think Aulelia probably hit the nail on the head when she said, "you have black female bloggers who date IR and are proud of that and want to give it some more coverage yet sound like they seem validated when they have a white spouse."
Even if this is her motivation, what's wrong isn't encouraging black women to not limit themselves, what's wrong is perpetuating negative stereotypes of black men to accomplish this goal.
If she isn't black, well then that opens up a much more malicious can of worms, because then there's a clearly racist agenda at work rather than a woman whose perceptions are just skewed from her own experiences.
My 2 Cents
(p.s. I saw on her blog that Aisha Tyler is taken. That disappoints me tremendously.)
But don't ever compare me to LaShawn Barber. Dem there is fighten words. That is waaaay below the belt :)
No one compared you to LaShawn Barber. I said, that like you sweat what Lashawn writes, you are sweating what this woman is writing. What's up with you sweating what women write. That was my point. Come on. And don't even act like someone can talk about your mama.
But this woman's arguements stand or fall on their own - how she looks or what race she is shouldn't matter. If there is one thing that has troubled me as I read your blog Field, it's that often some of your readers (those who comment anyway) and maybe even you sometimes, judge an arguement someone is making based on their race. And I just don't think that is right.
Exactly.
This infamous blog and discussion around it is the gift that just keeps on giving. I have to admit that it is quite entertaining at this point.
But all kidding aside... Field, I must admit that after taking a closer look at some of Evia's thoughts, I can better understand why MF was so charged about the issue. This woman is something else!
But I do hope we can discuss some of the ideas surrounding the issues of IR and not the controversy that Evia caused in the Afrospear.
In fact, I'm going to do some thinking and actually take some time to post about IR. I'll hit you up later tonight.
Field, I'm anxious to know why you want to know what Evia looks like. Do tell...
Good Evening Field. I've been lurking and reading your site for months now (your site is my home page) but tonight for whatever reason I feel the need to de-cloak.
I'm an fiftythree year old BM married to a Carribean sista for over twenty years. I did some digging and landed on the site(s) you mentioned.It seems each generation still can't get past the ugly racist history of Amerkkka or educate themselves above the "race" issue and all of its damaging baggage.
I can only guess that you want a picture of sista to make sure she's not a canine or a mascarading white male. But really why does it matter? The internet gives everybody an equal sized megaphone to espouse whatever. Let it go. Yeah some discourse don't enhance relations in the Field but so what? We have bigger problems insuring the survival of the human race (and locally our Black Male species). Just continue to raise our consciousness with your writing and appealing to our humanity by shining the light on injustice. You'll not go wrong and let sista girl continue to evolve (or not).
Field:
This is the same argument you will get from sistas who see successful brothas with white women. It's as if we sistas are not good enough to hang with successful brothas, and some of these brothas seem to find white women more acceptable to them than educated sistas.
Like you, I have no problem with interracial dating or relationships, since I have family members who married outside of the race and are very happy. My problem comes when sista-bashing brothas try to explain why they're with white women and not sistas. It shouldn't be a matter of bashing anyone; it should be that you are with that person, regardless of race, because the two of you have much in common, have that sexual chemistry, and a spiritual, soulful connection as well.
I live in DC, and I can't tell you how many brothas are trying to "justify" why they're with white women. My response is always "if you love homegirl, you shouldn't have to be finding reasons to justify hooking up with her. The fact that you're trying to "justify" why you're with her disrespects her as well as all sistas, so get out of my face because, basically, you're full of shyt."
I never know their facial expressions because I'm usually walking away from them after I've let them have it, because I figure at that point, they shouldn't have anything more to say about the matter.
Peace in your hood, too, my brotha.
Any particular reason you keep typing out A-merry-ca, Spaniard?
My thoughts:
1. Did anyone see the NY times article http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/22/washington/22bloggers.html?ex=1348113600&en=2b7d2d910b9662e9&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss
"At State Dept., Blog Team Joins Muslim Debate" basically describing how the govt hires people to infiltrates blogs with a certain message? Politicians set up phony blogs with "youthful" personas so as to attract certain groups to them. So the conspiracy theory part of me say that it is plausible.
2. My concern is, how would you know what her true picture was? I could email you any picture and swear up and down that I know it to be her. So possibly, you could post up someone's picture mistakenly.
"Any particular reason you keep typing out A-merry-ca, Spaniard?"
Because we are all so HAPPY here. The pursuit never ends. And who you calling "Spaniard"?:)
"2. My concern is, how would you know what her true picture was? I could email you any picture and swear up and down that I know it to be her. So possibly, you could post up someone's picture mistakenly."
Anon.that's a good point. And guess what, I have just recieved an e-mail from someone I trust who assured me that the piture they sent me was hers.....
Boy, I am going to have to really think about this one.
But I am still doing my follow up post later. Maybe I will just post the picture somewhere on my site with a disclaimer.
"... Let it go. Yeah some discourse don't enhance relations in the Field but so what? "
Buf. cowboy, I will let it go, but not yet. And for the record; it might seem petty, but this issue is important, and some of us honest black folks have to put it out there. Which trust me, I will.
Field you are not serious r you??? I mean really how dare you talk about this sista (who is ignorant, I am with you on that) and not talk about all the brothers that date outside their race because they claim that black women are nasty, rude, golddiggers, and lack "good" hair, instead of simply saying I fell in love with a white woman or I hate myself and this is my way to erase my blackness. Sorry but they last reason is the reason that many black men date outside their race, although it angers me I understand this, what do you expect when you are constantly told that black women are ugly whores with bad hair?? It is a statistical fact that black men date outside their race 2 times more than black women. Now all those men aint falling in love, lets just call it what it is okay, deeply rooted issues with self. although I do not agree with the woman who blogs urging black women to date outside their race because black men have issues lets PLEASE please talk about where she might be coming from. years and years of black men not wanting you because they hate themselves might have that toll on a person. Okay that’s it
(oh and by the way although it should not even be relevant, I am not bitter, I am married to a black man that I meet while attending an HBCU so I love black men and know that not all of them hate themselves)
I looked again and found that blog. Saw Carlos Santana and his wife as an example. I'm sorry, but I just don't consider it an interracial relationship between some Hispanic groups that have the same ancestry as we. It is inter cultural, as in Irish - Italian.
It's off topic I know, just had to say it.
This thread offers a good indication/snapshop of all that is wrong in the black community. Apathy. "Oh, it's no big deal". "Why don't you just ignore it..."
Evia (the hard core, mean chick that owns the blog that bashes black men) is not just posting an innocent little blog about interracial relationships.
She takes it a step further, calling most black men "damaged beyond repair". She has allowed hateful comments to stand on her blog. One woman for example said that black men are a "waste of protoplasm".
The same chick who called black men a waste of protoplasm is an author whose picture of her and her funny looking, red haired husband has appeared on the cover of a newspaper article about interr. relationships.
Michael Fisher has a whole history on this chick. He was the first to call her out and she NEEDS to be called out.
This is not about "Oh, it's no big deal". This is real and I'm suspect of any black man or woman who would support Evia and her ilk.
One of the reasons I did not join the Afrospear is because of the number of apathetic Afrospear negroes who chimed in with the "Oh, let's just ignore it" chorus.
You talking about field negros, dude? You need look no further than the organization you so happily support. Talk about not seeing the forest for the trees.
LOL
Lynn Green
HicktownPress.com
Correction of last line:
I meant to say, "You talking about HOUSE negroes..."
The Afrospear is full of 'em. It's enough to make me want to vomit.
Lynn
"You talking about HOUSE negroes..."
The Afrospear is full of 'em. It's enough to make me want to vomit."
Lynn, as one of the founders of the "Spear" I resemble that remark. But could you give me an example of just one of these HN of which you speak?
I know alot of these people and they are doing some hard work in their communities to try and uplift their race. Unless you can prove to me who these HN are and show me what YOU are doing that's so field worthy, am going to just lump you in with the other Negroes that take a good game, but don't really do shit.
And for the record, maybe some HN have infiltrated the "Spear", but you know what; I don't expect them to stick around. At some point HN's get tired of being in the fields. Just too much work and too much sun ;)
I think arguments like this pushes black men and black women even further from each other. I think IR dating is okay if done for the right reasons(love,etc), but some men and women take it too far. I'm all for black love because I think it's just a beautiful thing. Field I think you should post a topic about black love and what we can do to end the war between black men and black women. Black is beautiful. peace
Field said, Unless you can prove to me who these HN are and show me what YOU are doing that's so field worthy, am going to just lump you in with the other Negroes that take a good game, but don't really do shit.
It's not my goal to prove anything to you. I'm simply informing you, since you have not noticed, that much of the afrospeare is full of house negroes.
My goal here was/is to chime in on the discussion about Evia, who hates black men and who has an entire website/blog dedicated to bragging about her hatred of black men. Check it out for yourself.
P.S.....Hey Field
I notice you highlight "Asa" on your side column.
Ask Asa about his views on Evia. He and M. Fisher had a huge debate on the topic of that chick several months back.
Then come back to me and ask me for at least one name of a house negro in the afrospeare network.
"Field I think you should post a topic about black love and what we can do to end the war between black men and black women. Black is beautiful. peace"
angel-marie, I would, but then I would probably get hate mail about that shit :)
lynn, I will ask Asa, and I will get back to you when I do.
Field, you've pointed out here that it's not the fact of the color of people who date per se that is crucial, but it's the ideation and emotion that motivates their dating behavior that matters. If their ideation and emotion are right, then their behavior is alright, even if it's dating someone who's not of the same skin color.
But if their ideation and emotion about their color and someone else's color limits or compels their choices, then their choices are color-aroused. That's not always bad, but sometimes it's dysfunctional, for them their families, their social group and/or society, and it needs to be looked at.
I did not get a chance to read all the comments above.
I'm sure I've been to that site you stated. While I don't agree with everything said on the site, I do agree with most of what she says regarding black men and black female relations in the black community, as well as the double standards. To say that she promotes black women to date out while "bashing" brothers, would be too convenient for black men to say.. One of the main messages she and others are also promoting, is for black women to finally rise against internal and external oppression etc. While the majority of black women have always fought and advocated for black men and children, has the majority of the black male body honestly reciprocate the favor for black females?
In all fairness, it’s to the point if black male bloggers/black men want to get offended by a site such as this, they first need to honestly acknowledge there is a violence crisis against black females in the black community, a shortage of marriageable black men, hundredzzz of other sites, blogs, et...owned by black men that advocate and promote other black males to bash, degrade and insult black females while they promote non-black female as ideal partners. Until then...
The main concern I have with those 2% sites like hers and the hundredzzz that are owned by black men, is the fact that they only help create more mis-understandings, the wedge between black love and the decline of any hopeful growth of black unity and power in the future.
Ps.. Color/race is usually the initial attraction or determining factor for most people, love comes later. Therefore, love is not "colorblind", at least when it comes to relationships, it's ALWAYS color conscience. I never bought that.
La-msviswan
Field, I think you're being sexist in this case. By asking for her picture you are implying that her "looks" are the reason for her ideology, and quite frankly we women get that bullshit way too much.
We should be judged on our arguments not our appearance.
I'm also a little skeptical about blaming her for an argument between two guys. Perhaps the guys should take responsibility for their own behavior? Admittedly, I am hesitant about this critcism because I don't know the exact details of the argument, but it reminds me of the women are the source of all evil argument (i.e.--Eve picked the apple, but Adam get's off unscathed.)
If you disagree with the whole date a white guy philosophy, that's fine, but you don't need to hit below the belt by implying that she dates white guys because she's unattractive (which is what it reads like you are doing).
I don't have sista's photo. However, I also didn't have her on the Black Blogger list until your message. She is #62 on the list now.
For what it's worth ... your blog sits at #22.
There are over 380 blogs on the list.
"While the majority of black women have always fought and advocated for black men and children, has the majority of the black male body honestly reciprocate the favor for black females?"
NO.
That is all.
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