Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The field Negro Noose Shop


Now this shit is getting ridiculous. (Thanks for jumping on this EV) I mean it just kept getting closer and closer, and now the noose is right in my home town. What is it with folks in the frat boy's A-merry-ca all of a sudden with these nooses?


But fuck it, you know what? Rather than bitch and moan about it, I am going to try and make the best of a bad situation, and maybe even make some money from these sad developments. After all, that is the A-merry-can way right?


So folks, I have decided to open a Noose Shop. Yes you heard me, a Noose Shop. I have a little money saved up. I figure I can take out a small business loan, get a nice little commercial store front property right there on South Street, (Perfect name right?) and get down to business. Hey, nooses are the in thing in A-merry-ca now.


I could sell all types of nooses. Think about it? The noose will be already tied, and all you would have to do is come in, pick out your favorite noose, and roll. No questions asked, just pay your cash, get your noose, and go. I would expand my inventory and offer noose accessories too. Want to to be able to carry your noose wherever you go? How about a nice noose case? Want somewhere to hang your noose when there is nothing around? How about your own portable noose hooks. Or better yet, a fake tree?


I think A-merry-ca is ready for this you all, I really do. And in my noose store the customer will come first. We will sell you nooses in all different sizes. We could sell you a big noose for things like a construction site or a large tree. Or, we could sell you a small one, for say, a school locker, or a door. We could sell neon nooses that glow in the dark for a night time effect, and we could sell camouflaged colored ones for blending in outdoors. That one would be great, because the intended victim wouldn't even know that he is standing right under a tree with a noose until it's too late.


I didn't even get to the colored nooses yet. ( No pun intended black folks) But think of all the possibilities with that one. You could get a noose with your favorite school colors for all those late night college pranks. Think about it. Blue and white for all you Penn State fans. Purple and gold for all you LSU fans, and crimson and white for all you Alabama fans. (I bet that one will really sell). But wait, I could do more, I could even have corporate nooses as well. You gotta love that idea; your corporations logo right on your noose. I bet that FOX NEWS noose would just fly off the shelf.


Yep, I am going to start setting up my business plan right away before someone else steals my idea. I will set up my first store right here in Philly. How appropriate; after all, wasn't Philadelphia A-merry-ca's first capitol? Why not be the city with the first noose shop? Then I will branch out. I will set up franchises (I am sure I won't have any problems getting folks to buy in) from California to Maine. It will be like the Golden Arches, but instead of a big "M", it will be a big brown rope.




Now if I could just think of a name.........




37 comments:

Prometheus 6 said...

:-)

Call it Rope-A-Dope.

&Rew said...

no noose is good noose.

&Rew.

august said...

noose negro. It's about time. The holidays are around the corner.

field negro said...

Wow! Three brilliant names. I will have to find out where each of you live and make sure you don't steal my idea.

"rope a dope"...."no noose is good nooose"? LMAO!!!

But I know it's coming, so let me count it down for everybody; 10-9-8-7-6-5-.....

damien said...

noose-mart...?

Kriss said...

Field, I hate to burst your bubble but someone already beat you to it. Disney released some Pirates of the Caribbean Noose necklaces. Only $80. Get'em while they're hot...http://www.jestjewels.com/piofcanone.html

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Field, the title of your post is the name for your "noose shop".

Be sure to create one specially made for House Negroes, such as "the Sell Out" - made with House Negroes in Mind.

BTW - good morning, and how the hell are you, otherwise? :-)

jena6 said...

Noose Sense
Tie One On
Ye Olde Noose Shoppe

Natalie said...

I think the Jena nooses were in their school colors so the market is certainly primed. Don't forget the stars and stripes noose I think that one alone could make you millions.

Kriss said...

Hmmm...if field makes a stars and stripes noose, will the media make a big deal about Presidential Candidates that don't wear a red, white and blue noose pin on their lapel?

field negro said...

Good AM Christ. prog. thanks for asking about mine.

I am loving these names.
It's is going to be so tough picking one for my little store.

"noose mart" "Ye Olde Noose Shoope" You guys are killing me :)

"Stars and stripes noose" Oh my.
All this talent in the fields :)

kriss, WTF is up with Disney? Did they really have those noose necklaces? I have to check that link you gave me.

I swear, there is no such thing as satire anymore because of all the f**d up stuff that's going on. The shit is all true! Geez.

Kriss said...

Unfortunately yes, they do have them. I'm willing to bet that there were no black people involved in this decision. I can't see anyone (even a sell out) saying "Yeah...that's a good idea".

And I feel you on all the f-ed up stuff being true. I tell people that my version of comedy central is CNN and Fox News. If I don't laugh at the news then I'll get depressed by it.

Christopher Chambers said...

So now you are the new Dick Gregory, or black Mort Sahl of the 21st century? LOL. I love the satire!

Again, this is an utter failure of white folks character and morals, and indeed their leaders. Anaology to Dick and Lynn Cheney allowing the most vicious attacks on gay folks, on their basic civil rights, while having a daughter pretty much married to another chick. One word even from the king of mushmouths, our president, and the younger fratboys, miscreants and rednecks would stop. I truly believe that. And Barack's out there making wonderboy speeches still, and I have yet to hear him hammer the GOP or Hillary on this (though misguided negroes still seem to think Hillary's hubby's the first black president...he is, if you measure him by "cult of me-ism, self aggrandizing rather than policies and accomplishments).

Let's go for broke then. Call the shop: "Nigger Neckties" Offend everyone back to their senses...

brotherkomrade said...

This is my first visit to your site, Field Negro. Here I thought that there were no PROGRESSIVE black blog in the blogosphere.

I'm going to be loyal reader (until you piss me off. LOL.)

Michael Fisher said...

Folks, no offense, but y'all are acting like the Jews in Germany around 1930 just before the Nazis were put into power (they did not have a majority in the elections that put Hitler in power, the established conservative parties put him in power).

Everybody dismissed the signs.

Y'all negroes think it can't happen here?

The Jews think it can happen to them. Here. Ask some.

Kriss said...

I think Chris has the best name so far. Just make sure you use the 'er' and not the 'a' ending to the 'N' word or instead of being offended, rappers will start wearing them with their chains as status symbols. Next thing you know there will be youtube videos and new dances('Do the coon step') about them and we'll never hear the end of it.

field negro said...

"I'm going to be loyal reader (until you piss me off. LOL.)"

brotherkomrade, since I happen to piss everybody off at some point, i am sure that day is coming :)

MF, you are right about the apathy among us folks. But WTF? When you have Negroes running around like it's--- to quote the brain dead Cowboy--"morning in A-merry-ca every f*****g day.

kriss and Chris, you two are killing me. rapers wearing the "N****r Neckties"? Yep, I can see it now; platinum and gold nooses. The shit would be funny if it wasn't so sad and true.

Anonymous said...

nooses r us

west coast story said...

FN: I hope you are planning to post something about the purported cousinship of Dick Cheney and Barack Obama. The question I want to know is, how do you make such a connection unless you went looking for it? And why? The whole thing's kind of creepy. Maybe this is the right wing's attempt to discredit Obama by making him a relative of Frankenhalliburton.

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

West Coast:

Now this is where Obama needs to go "Field Negro" and say "yeah, the only reason I might be related to Darth Cheney is that his relative raped one of mine..." and see how that plays out.

I mean, a brotha needs to stand for something or fall for anything.

And Field:

I don't think I can top "Ye Olde Noose Shop" LOL...

Anonymous said...

How about simply calling it Let's Hangout?



JGH

field negro said...

Yes "Ye Olde Noose Shop" is pretty good.

But "Let's Hangout". Whew! These folks are good. Must be some marketing people posting here.

Francis L. Holland Blog said...

"Nooses R US"?

I think you're onto something, Field. I've always thought it was much easier to get rich in America doing bad things rather than good ones. For example, who would get rich faster? A Black Democrat going on the news with Democratic ideas, or a Black Republican going on the news with Republican ideas? Just because of the law of supply and demand, perhaps, the more harm you do as a Black Republican, the more you will find that your services are in demand.

And a noose shop? In a country where there are eight guns for every ten people, this is really the next best thing. And you don't need a license to buy a noose, so there going to fly out the door!

But Black people are all too smart to start a noose business, even by mail order. A Black man who lived by the noose could die by the noose as well.

Woozie said...

God damnit stop typing out A-merry-ca that crap is annoying!

It's "capital", not "capitol". Capitol is the name for the big domed building in DC with those inept boobs we call congressmen.

I'll give you a great idea for a noose if I get 25% ownership in Rope-a-Dope, LLC.

jena6 said...

Two more:

Hangman's

Strange Fruit & Vegetables -- Fronts as a produce store. (But you know what's goin' down in the back o' the store! You don't want to be too conspicuous. You know them liberals.)

Blinders Off said...

FN,

You never seem to amaze me with your writing. Although the noose incidents are no laughing matter, I love the way you talked about it today. Your sight and the comments on your blog are informative in many ways. When I feel like sh*t I know when I come to your sight I can forget about my problems because they are small in comparison to what is going on in our society. Thanks for making my day...the possible names for your new enterprise are priceless.

liberal journal man said...

Everytime I read this post I get this image of you becoming a hit with this, then getting invited to a KKK meeting like Dave Chappelle when he played 'Clayton Bigsby'. Then as you walk in the jaws drop (and the heads explode)

field negro said...

Damn you woozie, always catching me with the spelling :) I swear. Do you realize how fast I have to type these damn posts and all the shit going through my head? If spell check don't get it that's pretty much all she wrote :) But I will still split the profits with you on "Rope-a-Dope :)

Ok jena6,you got me there. I never thought of the PC police shutting me down.

Thanks blinders off! Yeah weren't those some great names?

Anonymous said...

Glad you like my suggestion for Let's Hangout.Its better than say, Don't Just Hang There".

The strange fruit is also a good idea.

but on a serious note, it really is annoying the way theconservatives accuse us of overreacting whenever a white person says or does something offensive against us. They say we are using the race card, we are blind to black racism against whites,or my favorite we are being PC!!!


But substitute a swastika for a noose and these same people will go on and talk about how they are against anti-semsitism and the evils of the holucust.

JGH

kemetkind said...

http://www.withoutsanctuary.org/photos/30.jpg

Would a jew make jokes about selling incinerators? So now we trivialize the Afrikan holocaust and call it satire?

This is neither cute nor funny.

If I ran across the exact same concept posted on a european man's blog I'd be just as disgusted.

field negro said...

4,3,2,1 ding ding ding! It took 29 comments to get to this one. I actually thought we would get this comment sooner.

But hey, better late than never.

MysTery said...

Yeah, name it Hang Yourself. Cause that is what the seller and the buyer would be doing.

guerreiranigeriana said...

hilarious...

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