Now this shit is getting ridiculous. (Thanks for jumping on this EV) I mean it just kept getting closer and closer, and now the noose is right in my home town. What is it with folks in the frat boy's A-merry-ca all of a sudden with these nooses?
But fuck it, you know what? Rather than bitch and moan about it, I am going to try and make the best of a bad situation, and maybe even make some money from these sad developments. After all, that is the A-merry-can way right?
So folks, I have decided to open a Noose Shop. Yes you heard me, a Noose Shop. I have a little money saved up. I figure I can take out a small business loan, get a nice little commercial store front property right there on South Street, (Perfect name right?) and get down to business. Hey, nooses are the in thing in A-merry-ca now.
I could sell all types of nooses. Think about it? The noose will be already tied, and all you would have to do is come in, pick out your favorite noose, and roll. No questions asked, just pay your cash, get your noose, and go. I would expand my inventory and offer noose accessories too. Want to to be able to carry your noose wherever you go? How about a nice noose case? Want somewhere to hang your noose when there is nothing around? How about your own portable noose hooks. Or better yet, a fake tree?
I think A-merry-ca is ready for this you all, I really do. And in my noose store the customer will come first. We will sell you nooses in all different sizes. We could sell you a big noose for things like a construction site or a large tree. Or, we could sell you a small one, for say, a school locker, or a door. We could sell neon nooses that glow in the dark for a night time effect, and we could sell camouflaged colored ones for blending in outdoors. That one would be great, because the intended victim wouldn't even know that he is standing right under a tree with a noose until it's too late.
I didn't even get to the colored nooses yet. ( No pun intended black folks) But think of all the possibilities with that one. You could get a noose with your favorite school colors for all those late night college pranks. Think about it. Blue and white for all you Penn State fans. Purple and gold for all you LSU fans, and crimson and white for all you Alabama fans. (I bet that one will really sell). But wait, I could do more, I could even have corporate nooses as well. You gotta love that idea; your corporations logo right on your noose. I bet that FOX NEWS noose would just fly off the shelf.
Yep, I am going to start setting up my business plan right away before someone else steals my idea. I will set up my first store right here in Philly. How appropriate; after all, wasn't Philadelphia A-merry-ca's first capitol? Why not be the city with the first noose shop? Then I will branch out. I will set up franchises (I am sure I won't have any problems getting folks to buy in) from California to Maine. It will be like the Golden Arches, but instead of a big "M", it will be a big brown rope.
Now if I could just think of a name.........