Friday, November 16, 2007

VNTY PL8


So this morning the field is driving into his plantation and cooling his heels on Roosevelt Boulevard. The traffic wasn't bad for a rush hour, and the field is making pretty good time. Then the field notices a female driving an older model C class Mercedes in front of him. Inexplicably, the field finds himself looking at the car's license plate which says: 5 3 QT. So OK, the driver of this car is telling the field that she is a 5 3 QT. Mmmm, the field speeds up cause the field is curious now. Hey, just because the field is on a diet doesn't mean he can't look at the menu.


So the field pulls up next to the car and gets a look at the 5 3 QT..... ..folks, it's like this; unless you look like Halle Berry, there is no way you should have a vanity plate that says 5 3 QT. Hell, I don't think Halle Berry herself would have a vanity plate that says 5 3 QT. But some folks are just conceited like that. And quite frankly, when you have vanity plates that declare that you are pretty, sexy, hunky or whatever, it would be good if there was some truth to what you are declaring to the world. In a nutshell; unless you can back that shit up, you shouldn't be putting it on your car.




Honestly, there really isn't anything to like about vanity plates, and the field has seen more than enough for two fucking life times. I am not a fan of the state of Texas, but I have to give them their props because they have less vanity plates than any other state in the union. The shit affects the field in a personal way too, because the field has friends from the rock with plates that say shit like JCAN GUY, and JAH LUV. Then there are the field's lawyer friends who feel a need to put shit like ESQ after their initials on their plate. One criminal lawyer colleague actually has NOT GLTY on his whip. And of course there are the famous vanity plates that the field has only seen in books. The very fast cars with shit like COP B8, HI OFCR, or L8 4 WRK. The perverts with shit like 4NIC8N, LCK ME, and GOT MILF. And even though the field must admit that PMS 24-7 and H8N TRFC are kind of cool, this vanity plate shit is seriously out of control now.




Here in Philly the field sees more than his share of PHLYRS, GO EGLS, AND SXRS type plates. And then there are the 5 3 QT's of the world with the plates that say shit like SXY LDY, BRN SGR, and HUNK. These people are all over the streets in and around Philly and they are crying out for attention.


5 3 QT is in the field's rear view now. And the field just can't help but think; just what the fuck was she thinking? Still, the field is thinking to himself~~~~~ FLD NGRO, mmm, not bad~~~




29 comments:

NSangoma said...

~
... field notices a female driving an older model C class Mercedes in front of him. Inexplicably, the field finds himself looking at the car's license plate which says: 5 3 QT. ... unless you look like Halle Berry, there is no way you should have a vanity plate that says 5 3 QT.
Posted by field negro at 8:54

Field, hopefully she was not a black woman.

Because then you'd be saying that a black woman has to be one-half white to be good looking, a QT.
`

Anonymous said...

So you are saying that someone who is one half not black? First everyone is mad at Tiger for saying he is part Thai and not Black...and now...half black is not black...

But I know what you are saying about the color complex and shade divisions

Hathor said...

What about the half stupid or should they be stupid or just half ass analogies?

Shelly said...

Forgive me if I'm being obtuse but what exactly does "5 3 QT" mean...? Is this one of those uniquely American references that as a Brit goes over my head?

I can't stand personalised number plates. So you're gonna try and show the world what a crrrraazy personality you have by creating some silly pseudo-anacronym. So infantile and pointless.

august said...

ok I don't know what 5.3QT means either???
BTW,what is the S.I. unit of beauty? A white woman? I don't care what the woman you saw looked like. If she feels it on the inside, what the world thinks of her is immaterial. Mainstream America sure loves to put people in 'boxes' and God forbid you ventured out of your 'place'. There is nothing like being able to live your life without caring about people's opinion. Reminds me of the swahili proverb that goes 'Mchana watasema usiku watala' which loosely translates into they will yup all they want during the day but eventually they will get tired and shut the hell up. So Bravo to the 53QT lady.
good day all

liberal journal man said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
august said...

what about the QT?

BTW
shelly I love your blog!! You are such a good writer!

august said...

oh wait a min is qt cute? I am I this slow?

Shelly said...

August,

Thanks for stopping by my place and many thanks for your kind words.

A 5ft 3" cutie! Got it finally...(I hope)

Christopher said...

FLD NGRO, mmm, not bad~~~

ROFL! Do it, that's brilliant.

I would be curious if your DMV would let you have it. On the otherhand, the burearucrats may be too dumb to "get it."

I live in New Yawk and when we moved here, I tried to get NOTSTR8 for my SUV but someother NOTSTR8 boy grabbed it first.

newgirl448 said...

Field,
Who is beautiful? More importantly, why would Black people-heirs to the legacy of white supremacist definitions of beauty-not understand the insidious nature of the question?

I mean you absolutely no disrespect, and I love your blog. I am troubled, though, by your uncharacteristic lack of critical analysis here. You appear to have allowed-without much protest-WHITE folks to ram Halle Berry down your throat as the aesthetic gold standard for BLACK people. Why?

Black men-the sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers of Black women-have to be MUCH more responsible and proactive than you are currently being in redefining concepts of beauty so that it includes ALL of your mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters. I will admit to a personal interest here. I have a 3 year old girl and what I really want is for Black men to cut the pavlovian shit. Stop perpetuating colonialist, white-supremacist notions of beauty because somewhere on some slave ship along time ago, a white man told you to.

Respect,
newgirl

Christopher said...

There are so many different definitions of "beauty."

Halle Berry is a knock out but so is Cicely Tyson. So is Iman, Mary J. Blige, Nia long, Pam Grier, Dorothy Dandridge and Charmaine Sinclair.

You can go to any Mall and see beautiful African American women.

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of women would like to put 'HE PAID' on their plate.

Anonymous said...

lol @ PMS 24-7

folks so tense in here. why everything have to be a black and white issues.

i happen to agree with field on this. folks have no business creating pseudo-names if they don't fits the description (naming the vanity plates eg. 5 3 QT).

seems like field can't even do a lighthearted post without being *attack*.

shy giraffe

field negro said...

newgirl448, I hear you, but it's not even that deep. I could have used Nia Long, my sister, my mother, hathor,shy giraffe, you, Mrs. Field, or any of the people christopher metioned. I used Halle Berry beause she is the person that everyone is most familiar with. I mean I would hyave used Lark Voorhies, but then I would have gotten comments to stop stalking girlfriend. Geez!

"There is nothing like being able to live your life without caring about people's opinion."

And being able to give your own :)


BTW, how do you folks know that the 5 3 QT wasn't white?

chamblee54 said...

To be "fair", there is always the possibility that the car belongs to someone else.

yogo said...

And beauty/cuteness is purely subjective. Maybe you didn't find her very cute, but maybe her man does. And that's all that matters.

Anonymous said...

I htink the Field was just trying to be funny. He wasn't making a statement--well, consciously, anyway--about the beauty or attractiveness of black women or the issue of the one-drop rule. I simply think that he was being sarcastic, because, as he says, everyone knows HB, and I think that for the most part we can pretty much agree that HB is a fairly attractive black woman who has been touted as such by folks who bring up her name. Certainly he could have said India.Arie, MJBlige, Alec (the absolutely gorgeous runway model), QueenL, the black woman on "Curb Your Enthusiam" or any number of beautiful black women. Or, as he mentioned, he could have used Mrs. Field, his mom, sister, cousin, or Auntie Betty. But do we know these women? No, we do not. Do we know HB? Yes, we do. We "know" HB, b/c she is a public personality. Now, some, of course, would argue that she sticks out for other reasons, that "one-drop" reason, and therein lies the "beauty." Sometimes our subconsciousness works overtly, but that's another argument for another time. I think the Field was jsut having some good old-fashioned fun on the weekend. Don't be trying to diss the Field. The Field's alright with me.

Woozie said...

How about some fat guy, kinda like myself, with the plate "FAT ASS"? I might have to try and get that one...

Lola Gets said...

VA has a lot of vanity plates, cause they only cost $10 to personalize. DCs a bit higher. Ive got some ideas if I ever went personal wit'mah plates, but Im not telling you here...lol.

L

&Rew said...

it's true that some plates are laughable.

thank god people are friendly or creative or motivated enough to try so hard to rearrange something like a barcode for their car into something interesting and expressive.

i'm all for people getting creative with constraints.

3DOM4L <-- get that.

&Rew.

Villager said...

Field - I wasn't much for vanity plates as i thought that they attracted too much attention and a Black man gets enough attention from the po-po without attracting it.

But, I broke down a few years ago and got plates that say,

VILLAGR

What can I say...

peace, Villager

http://laterain.wordpress.com said...

There is a man in my town who drives one of those HUGE old cadillacs with a personalized license plate that reads "BLAKULA".

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Anonymous said...

@Newgirl "I will admit to a personal interest here. I have a 3 year old girl and what I really want is for Black men to cut the pavlovian shit. Stop perpetuating colonialist, white-supremacist notions of beauty because somewhere on some slave ship along time ago, a white man told you to."

Touché, stop the Pavlovian shit. By the way, your argument is so generic I'm sure you just repost it and change 4 words depending on the situation. Like beauty, economics, sociometrics. Bet you've used it in product complaint letters too.

Oh yeah, there was no white man on a slave ship telling people what beauty was. Nice imagination - regardless of how ignorant.