My "O" happy day was going fine until my ride on the way home from the train station with Mrs. Field. As is always the case on Mondays, I had a very busy day, and my mind was on all sorts of things. I should have let Mrs. Field drive, because when she drives she is so busy concentrating on the traffic that she doesn't find time to talk much. But of course I didn't; the dumb field Negro was behind the wheel.
"You know my girlfriend ******". "Yes I know her". "Well she joined one of those dating sites to see if she can hook up with somebody." "Why would somebody do that?" I wanted to know. "Do what?" "Join a dating site. Isn't that like a loser move? I mean it's kind of like cheating the dating game. She should just go out into the dating jungle and capture her prey like every one else." "Oh is that what you did?" I look over at Mrs. Field and she has her fight face on. "No, I am just saying; ****** is an attractive lady, why would she have to do that?" "Oh, you think ****** is attractive do you? What exactly about her do you find attractive?" Yep, I walked right into this one. Although the truth of the matter is that ****** is Mrs. Field's most attractive friend, and I could never figure out why she never got hitched. I always thought she was never interested in settling down and was just working on her career. "No field, tell me what you find so attractive about her?" There was no getting out of this. "Look, I am just saying... most people would find her attractive." "Oh they would? Why, does she look like your little friend Lark Voorhies? Don't think I don't see your stupid blog Mister." "Oh come on now, Lark Voorhies?" "Excuse me, what's so great about Lark Voorhies? " "Look, let's just drop it, I can't really concentrate right now." "Why, too busy thinking about Lark Voorhies?" *Actually yes* "No! Look, you had a hard day too, let's just forget it." "And you still didn't tell me why dating services are so bad. ****** is a very busy woman. If she has to join a service to find a mate that's her business" " So she makes a video and markets herself like a damn infomercial?" It's the fight face look again. "You have some issues you might need to work on there big guy."
And it's right about this moment that some clown in an SUV bigger than a damn school bus swings right into my lane and cuts me off. Of course this is right around the time I speed up to catch up to the mother fucker. Mrs. Field, of course, is quite familiar with my road rage issues and she is daring me to catch up to the other motorist. Of course I am not hearing it, and I am testing out the theory that Mrs. Field's car is built for safety and speed. I am speeding up to get right next to the mother fucker that cut me off and ask him just what the fuck his problem is. Mrs. Field is pissed, I am pissed, and pretty soon the driver in the school bus SUV is going to be pissed. Because I fully intend to cut right in front of him and slow down just like he did to me.
But then, I start to think; it's still "O" happy day in A-merry-ca. What would Obama do? Hey, I saw how he defused a potentially volatile situation with that FAKE NEWS piece of shit news hound yesterday. So I slow down, let the SUV go on it's way, and return to my normal driving pattern. Saved by Obama.
"Hey mister, you still didn't tell me what you find so attractive about ******"
I think my "O" happy days are officially over.