Sunday, December 13, 2009

Calling cupid.


I just got home from a beautiful wedding. And I saw two wonderfully committed and successful human beings with what I am sure is a wonderful future ahead of them, tying the knot and making their love for each other known to the world. It's a beautiful thing, and I wish that I could see more of it.

But, sadly, I was brought down from my matrimonial high when I got on my computer and read a post from over at AOL Black Voices. Unfortunately, it seems that cupid is not shooting his arrow towards the hearts of quite a few of our people. Or, if he is shooting, he sure is missing a lot. Yes my friends, as much as I hate to admit it; the black man and the black woman seem to be at war far too much with each other these days.

Check out the post (and the comments that follow) that have me thinking this way. Oh, and don't forget to go to the sister's web site with the link that's provided over at AOL Black Voices.

Wow! My sisters, I never knew it was this bad between us:

"Are you tired of watching the demise of the black community? Are you tired of watching our women being degraded and disrespected all over television? Are you tired of purchasing music for your children that promotes gangs, drugs and the killing of other black youth such as themselves? Are you sick of our youth allowing themselves to become a shell of what they could be? Are you sick of our black men that leave our race and marry outside our race profiting off the black community while they in turn, turn their backs on us? Are you ready to say something about it? Are you ready to boycott with your dollars? Are you ready to speak up and out in order to ask our black people to stay together; stick together because we need each other?! We are asking our black men to come home because we need you here...helping us rebuild our communities! We are openly praising GOOD black men (and we know you're out there) and asking them to be an example for our young men! It is a critical time for black America and we all need to love each other and work together so our youth have a race to be proud of as they grow. Here at Boycott Black Men we are taking the boycott way past just interracial dating and tackling numerous topics that aid in the demise of us as a people...we are on a mission not to support those that don't have our best interest at heart. Join us and voice your opinions and I urge our black women to visit ww.BlackWomenNeedLoveToo.com as well. Save the Black Community! I also urge you to purchase Mr. Vernon J. Davis' book Love, Is,The Beautiful Black Woman! Its a powerful book that all black women should add to their reading list!! Visit www"

Oh my, where to start? Well let me start with a question: If black men were to start settling down and marrying the good sisters who are out here in droves, would it change the problems in many of their lives? Problems such as getting a job; getting a criminal record expunged; going back to school and getting a proper education; and other pathologies that might plague the young black male in A-merry-ca. And would some of these sisters who are out here even want these men?

Well after seeing that beautiful wedding tonight I want to at least start the dialogue. I want some of these sisters out here (especially the ones on the brink of turning their backs on black and never looking back) to talk to us, and tell us what we need to do.

Brothers, I need you all to just listen...OK, I know that's impossible, but try to be introspective and keep an open mind.


Now back to my "Iggles" as they try to beat those stinking G Men.








386 comments:

1 – 200 of 386   Newer›   Newest»
La♥Incognita said...

Years ago, I sent money in support of the membership. I would do it all over again. I give them my support.

As for these issues they bring up. I agree with them on most of it, and it's all connected. I will be back to elaborate on my thoughts during the day. It's not going to be pretty or easy to swallow for certain people. Going to bed.

Comrade PhysioProf said...

Dude, McNabb and Reid and Desean Jackson were fucking beautiful!!!! Too bad you were at some shitty wedding instead of watching this awesome game!!!!

RainaHavock said...

Man field were do I began. I hate these kind of sites. I refuse to give them a dime. I've been attacked by black women on the web who says I'm against them because I don't fall with their BM bashing. Yes I the trifling ones are getting the most air time but can't help wondering where the hell these women are finding these men! Then again like my mom said to me I have lived in a Fantasy world where my contact with these types have been on the minimum. Yes according to some of these things black women and men are with each other but I don't know if it's as extreme as some may think. I have to beat these bm off with sticks at school and around.

RainaHavock said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
field negro said...

La~Incognita, I can't wait.

Raina,I am glad your experiences have been good ones. I wonder if that old adage "you are who you attract is true"?

Comrade, i caught the second half, and I will be wathching a tape pf the first half tomorrow.

I just hope Trent Cole doesn't get suspended for his Mike Tyson act at the end. :(

RainaHavock said...

Had to edit the former post. The sites that want to help black women I'm all for but for some reason I don't think some things are as serious as some make it. Another thing I want to know about how this site is going to change certain things. All I see if fuel being added to the already burning fire. What about those "white" companies who don't promote good images of black women or who don't use black women at all. What are we going to do about them? Then again I'm from the younger generation so maybe I'm being hopeful my age group will be better. I'm an HBCU student so I don't know.

field negro said...

Did I just write "pf" for of? Hey, it's getting late.

field negro said...

I'm an HBCU student so I don't know."

Ahhh Raina, you might just have your pick of the litter in your environement. A lot of women aren't fortunate enough to be in that situation.

RainaHavock said...

@Field: I think this is very much the case. I constantly hear women complain about the black men they are with and I always ask myself..."Why the hell you got involved to begin with." Also some of them are not gems themselves. Let's get that on the table right now. Not every so called "educated black woman" is a prize. I know because I have to be around them. I mean sometimes you should know by the way they say hello but then again that's just me.

RainaHavock said...

@Field: Yes sir I do and I'm loving every minute of it. :)

Anon97 said...

Let me preface this by saying I am married to an awesome black man.

Field, it's very simple. Black women, generally, are race loyal. Black men, generally, are not.

You will find a lot more bw who would never date outside the race than you would bm who would never date outside the race.

All bw want...all we really want, deep down, is some loyalty. Where does that start? At home. With bm abandoning their children at such high rates, little black girls already feel unloved and unwanted.

Once she gets to be of dating age, she sees that her black male counterparts are open to dating white/Latino/Asian women, while she feels a fierce loyalty toward him and wants to date only him.

Then she hears those same guys dogging bw out while extolling the virtues and beauty of those other women.

I don't think bm realize just how much this hurts. Bw talk a good game about being strong, but we hurt just like everyone else. Cut us and we bleed. Tell us we aren't as pretty or soft or loving as non-black women, and we become that little girl who saw her daddy walk out the door all those years ago.

Field, it's real simple. Love us the way we love you. Don't let anybody disrespect us. Defend us in the media and in the barbershop. Treat your daughters like princesses, even if you hate the mother. Tell us we are beautiful, even though our skin is dark (like yours), our hair is kinky (like yours), and our eyes aren't blue (like yours aren't).

If you date out, don't blame us for it. Don't disparage us or rub it in our faces. And if we date out, don't taunt us or get angry.

I don't think bw should completely turn away from bm, but I do think it's time for us to worry about our own happiness. There are good bm out there, but if they aren't interested, bw should keep it moving until they find someone who is.

RainaHavock said...

@Anon97: You make some great points. I thank my lucky stars every day that I grew up with a wonderful black father in the home who I love dearly. Not all little black girls were fortune as I learned later on in life because were I grew up most of the black girls were raised in two parents homes or if not the father was present and very involved in her life. I hate when black men and women rub it in the other gender when they date out or give stupid reason. I didn't push you anything and neither did alot of other people.

Anonymous said...

Once she gets to be of dating age, she sees that her black male counterparts are open to dating white/Latino/Asian women, while she feels a fierce loyalty toward him and wants to date only him.


One thing's for sure is that this is not going to change. A big part of the 'gain' for black men with integration was access to white women (and now other non-black women.) I believe it was a prime mover for them. Remember Eldrige Cleaver? He practiced raping black women so he could move up to white women.

The black man knows he's incredibly valuable to black women and that there aren't enough men to go around. It's a sellers market.

grinder said...

I'd love to see what this blog and its commenters would have to say if white people threatened to boycott other whites who married non-whites.

RainaHavock said...

@grinder: Wouldn't that be interesting.

I am not Star Jones said...

Anon97 said it all, but I want to add that I wish more women (especially black women) would show loyalty to their feelings and emotional sanity.

Accepting that it's better to have healthy self-esteem while single than accept any kind of mistreatment in a romantic relationship. Be honest that having standards is better than accepting poor relationship behavior.

Admit that there's no problem with sharing with a man what kind of relationship you want. Outline what you need to date someone seriously, say it with clarity, confidence and grace.

And if a man seems hesitant to give you what you want/need to feel emotionally secure with him, release him. Let him go.

Focus on you. Easier said than done but much better than constantly getting your heart stomped on.

RainaHavock said...

^Cosign!

I am not Star Jones said...

I want to add that boycotting black men is not the proper response to feelings of romantic loneliness -- I wish the site creators were honest enough to create a site that focused on women valuing themselves enough so they can avoid negative behaviors and situations.

The site makes it out that all black men are out to hurt all black women and that's not true at all.

Counterproductive and juvenile.

RainaHavock said...

Once again I agree with I am not star jones.

Brenda said...

cosigning with RainaHavock, Anon97 and I am not Star Jones.

McNabb, Vick and DeSean Jackson made the game last night exciting from start to finish And I'm not an Eagles fan. LoL!

Anonymous said...

grinder, you're a white racist faggot, this discussion has no place for you and your race bating idiocy. Go take your HIV pills and shutup. Let the real women talk, I rather read what they have to say.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

I can talk about dating and marriage all day. This comes from making mistakes with men and the ongoing quest for wisdom.

I think boycotting black men is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I can see boycotting BET or a record company. But ALL men? You're saying they're all guilty of social ills. Some black men are great. I managed to find one, and I don't look like Beyonce or Iman. I'm probably average looking. Women share some of the blame for things not being nirvana, too. Maybe I'm not understanding the concept correctly. I'm just shaking my head in....I don't know what...

As for avoiding white men....Live for yourself. True, I don't think that most relationships with white men will workout unless he is a INDEPENDENT thinker who doesn't give a fuck. You can't have successful relationship with someone who thinks you are inferior. PERIOD. You do have many white dudes who are intelligent and live for their own happiness. If you find one of these, go be happy. They're rare though.

Although I'm straight and prefer Black and Hispanic members of the opposite sex, at the end of the day, I chose the person who was into me, the person, one of the few people who ever loved me as a friend first. Had he been a white person, and I thought it would be once, so be it. If you're lucky enough to find the right one for you, who feels the same way, hold on with everything you've got. Screw what everyone else thinks. You have to look at the person, not your momma...Regardless, it will be you two against the world.

I don't think its soo much bigotry that causes some women to go apeshit when men date white women. I think it's because they percieve that there is a very limited pool of male candidates. A white woman that goes into our community and dates one of our men is just more visible. I really don't think it's 100% bigotry all of the time. If she weren't white it would be "who does that weave wearing heiffer think she is..." you've heard the hating before. Not that some of the competition aren't racists. I've got a frenemy who has a habit of dating other friend's men behind their backs. It's almost like an addiction. She's not ugly or unaccomplished...she just thinks there is a limited pool of men...our friend's men. Still can't figure it out.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

From my mistakes and dating men from all over the world, I've learned that most men have the same basic needs, although it's not as simple as feed me, f-me, and stfu.

Most men want women, they perfer ladies. Get a dictionary. You do not have to be wealthy, a supermodel, a Harvard Professoror anything else. It's about class and character. Money can't buy that. Men tend to want someone who is on their team, makes them the priority once married, and is attractive in their eyes. Don't despair if you think you're a hideous chut, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Turn off the tv and throw away the mags. There are probably very few men, maybe one that's perfect for you. Just smile, leave your female friends at home (they intimidate guys and may not really be your friends) and dress in a classy manner in public. i.e. not Britney Spears, Lil Kim or Lady GAGA. Just trust me. Don't be a doormat, but don't be a loud, uncouth, common Ball Buster...unless he's into S&M....another story. Please put vaseline on your teeth and learn to smile if you're a grad of the school of hard knocks.

Men don't like a perpetual victim. They like feeling like the warrior rescuerer or knight, but not 24/7. Get your stuff together before you find Mr. Right, or at least do the best you can. (i.e. education, health/fittness, mental health, whatever.) Be Ms. Right.

Keep your moral standards high. If it's marriage you want, only go for someone who would like to get married someday. Ditch the players if that's not your goal.

The problems we face don't magically go away if we marry. They may get worse sometimes. It's how you two handle them together.

If you want a great man, you have to be a great woman. You have to become the bait for what you want. Go where nice men, or your type of man can be found. PAL, art class, school, church, hiking club whatever. He's most likely not at the bar or club. He's not at court at a CHSUP or parole hearing (unless he's the bailiff, court reporter, lawyer, cop or judge.) Don't settle for the bottom feeders, whatever you do.

I found a good black man, I'm sure you can too. Effort, people.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

Listen to I am not Star Jones!

She's bringing real wisdom. Keep your standards and be honest with yourself. Don't settle for less.

M. Rigmaiden said...

FN: I do believe that marriage via the support of ones spouse can eliminate problems. Married men tend to thrive and live longer than unmarried men. I honestly DO think that a married Black man with a criminal record will have more opportunities to get himself together then if he was single.

The commitment aspect shows that people are in it through thick and thin...Marriage isn't always easy is far better than a life of one night stands and random screws. And I think it will better suit women and men for success.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

It's also my experience that GOOD male friends that are gay tend to give great relationship/sex tips and keep you honest. May not be the case for all of your friends that meet this description, but for me, many did. I'd level with him before some of my female friends that may really be frenemies or worse.

field negro said...

Damn! Smashed The Tiny Black Box, I am not Star Jones,and Anon97, you all should be nio "The View"...no, check that; Oprah, kicking knowledge like this to folks.

That was profound.

Grinder, grinder, grinder. I think I have told you this before: some things, when it comes to race relations in A-merry-ca, will never be fair. Why? Because this is what our history created. And now we are living with the consequences of it. Some thiings, when it comes to race, are so nuanced, that it would take more than a string of comments on a blog to figure it out.

I have no problem with interracial relationsships, but when you have black men who exclude black women from their dating pool, that's a problem. I know love is blind, and if you meet someone who happens to be white and fall in love, fine. (Although see what Smashed The Tiny...said) But don't say I don't date black women because of XY&Z. That is just plain ignorant. Now the flip side of that is sisters who say that they are boycotting black men because of XY&Z. That's just as ignorant as far as I am concerned, and the ladies up-thread said it all far more eloquently than I ever could.

field negro said...

M Rigmaiden, I co-sign. Man you ladies are on a roll.

Simple Yet Complex said...

I can empathize with the women who feel the need to be loyal to black men due to the fact that they were raised to seek out somebody who was like them. I feel the same way in many aspects about black women. I just want somebody that I can relate to but I understand why some black females feel mistreated by black men. I honestly believe that the majority of the black male community has good intentions towards black females but it is always that slight minority of us that many black women have the "pleasure" of interacting with. I feel that nobody can understand me like a black woman but at the same I undertand why some of thewm are frustrated with being pigeonholed into dating just one race. My thing is if somebody does you wrong, don't hold an entire group responsible. I don't think boycotting black men, white men, or any other type of man is going to make an already negative situation better.

Do You Really Love Your People? said...

PART ONE
I for one am tired of boys who play video games, make babies they don't want to take care of etc...I could go on and on.

I prefer men who are real mean, who take care of things, work, don't do drugs, aren't racist (and there are so many racists on this blog alone) etc.

I don't care for black boys, most of them are just that, boys.

i am a professional, black woman who is interested in other professional men (not players). Why has being a player come to be cool in our community? Why does hip hop romanticize and glamorize guns, violence, misogyny, drugs...We have lost much of the beauty of the music.

There are other cultures that culturally and historically appreciate their women. Why cannot the BC be that way?

I totally understand and I think most self loving black women can understand it as well. Not that there aren't good black guys out there, I prefer to not search a haystack for a needle. Too many of our women have bought into the "this is how it's supposed to be reality" of their men playing around. It's become the norm and they know no different. How wonderful for black men right? How sad for black women.

With all that being said, I have been partnered with a wonderful man outside my race and have been with him for 10 years. We will marry as soon as the LGBTQ2S community is allowed to marry. Not "queer", that's rude FN. Social justice minded goes beyond rhetoric, it's about equal access. Our choice has to not be part of the privileged masses until all groups can marry. And I hope that day comes soon, for all of us. I would love to be married!

Do You Really Love Your People? said...

PART II
As a university professor whose research is in the intersection of race/class and education, I am saddened by the "men" our boys are seeing as role models. Of course, dealing in generalizations can be dangerous, but I am saddened by Black men's behavior (and women's). I agree in part with UTS in that we have broken so many boundaries and we are in high places etc. And that makes me proud. However, I have very little use for most black men. There are great ones out there, not sure if you are yet or not Field, because your posts are so one sided (you tend to cader to a few folks). However, there are some amazingly smart folks on here who I LOVE reading their posts (Constructive and AB) come to mind. I may not agree with these folks, but they are smart and less racist than many. UTS makes many great points (and I disagree with him most of the time time). But that disagreement does not negate intelligent passion.

Well, I have rambled long enough. I am not even bothering to check typos, been up all night with this H1NI business, so am groggy on medicine and have never posted on here before. I am a stat in the form of a lurker.

I leave you with this folks. Think about your daughters or young ladies who are important to you. BW have been programmed to act and behave a certain way by BM. In many areas of the BC, as I said, it has become the norm for player behavior and many young girls I work with say things like "that's just how bros are" etc. BW are the most repressed group there is and I would argue that it's not because of "whitey" but because of BM. Just turn on a hip hop radio station and listen to some ho music. What self appreciating group addresses their women as ho's. Is that what you want for your daughters? Our little girls are being taught to act slutty, and not love themselves etc. A girl told me just the other day, "my dad works at X (insert a company here where the dad makes 6 figures) and he makes lots of money, but we listen to his music on my ride to school and I am worried about finding a boyfriend one day when all men are hustlers" Due to the hustla music dad was playing. She was being programmed by her father's music to relent to the fairy tale notion of love, affection, marriage and forgo this honest and sincere dream to be in a relationship with a hustla. Please, BM don't care about their women or girls or they would stand up. Real men stand up, they don't write a blog. They stand up for their children, as a community, strong and value their women.

sedit said...

I want to add that boycotting black men is not the proper response to feelings of romantic loneliness -- I wish the site creators were honest enough to create a site that focused on women valuing themselves enough so they can avoid negative behaviors and situations.

And these behaviors are learned in childhood by our own BC dumb ass. Although I don't agree with the Love Your People poster mostly, I do agree with her in the fact that how can can women learn to value themselves (as youngsters) when both black men and women do not value themselves. Children learn from us shit for brains.

PS Love Yourself, you should date a black dude, I won't play ya.

Must Love Movies said...

wow just i knew it was deep just now seeing this though. thanks for sharing and being concerned

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

Well somebody got mistreated more than once,.. ahem..Do You Really Love Your People?

It might just be your fault.

I have a son. He is/will be nothing like the degenerates you describe. He goes to a boy's school. You've managed to insult all of those young men. You are exhibiting the ball busting attitude I described earlier. Our men, and yes they're out there if you don't scare them away, shouldn't put up with negativity.

I'd be horrified if my future DIL had such negative views about her future male children. What are you doing to contribute to the problems? Clearly it's something. The young men in my church, aren't players. They're fine examples of well raised young men, saying "yes ma'am and no sir." None of them have bastard kids. All of them have jobs or some sort of kiddie business. High standards are set for them. I won't let anyone insult my son, or the good boys in the community. You don't, as you said, like being disrespected daily either.

Don't forget, children can be molded. Just because one is listening to foul music today, doesn't mean they'll never see the error of their ways. Kids rise or fall to our expectations. Give them a chance to grow.

I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let anyone put the good men and boys out there down. Society does that daily. Our men will soar when we expect them to lead, guide and provide. How about treating them with the respect and courtesy you'd like for your daughters until they give you a non-imaginary reason to do otherwise.

Not that there aren't good black guys out there, I prefer to not search a haystack for a needle.

Clearly you were looking in all of the wrong places. Maybe you just prefer men of other races. Fine, just be honest about that and don't trash our warriors. The good ones need our support and praise.

I'm glad you found someone. With all of that bitterness, I'm rather shocked that you didn't project it onto the bloke you're seeing. He hasn't run yet.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

And another thing....

Please, BM don't care about their women or girls or they would stand up. Real men stand up, they don't write a blog. They stand up for their children, as a community, strong and value their women.

Now you claim to be and "educated woman." If so, you would be familiar with the phrase. "The pen is mightier than the sword."

If books were never written, how would we pass along knowledge? Think back to the antebellum period. Imagine if Frederick Douglass, Harriet Jacobs, Sojouner Truth, Etc. never picked up a pen, nor spoke out and stood up for the defenseless. Would the American Revolution have taken place if not for firey pamphleteers...the bloggers of their day. We need all sorts of warriors. Teachers, writers, soldiers, sailors, bankers, fathers, grandfathers, businessmen, etc. Some blog, some volunteer, some raise their kids...a huge job within itself. We're all interdependent. If we're doing the right thing for our family and community, we're standing up.

Blogs and bloggers open people to new ideas. You have bloggers that alert us about missing children of color that aren't seen on your beloved Fox News...That's a way of protecting and standing up for children and women you'll never meet. Many bloggers, men and women, alert us to take political and social action...that's a method of standing up for something. We a subject to controlled propaganda in MSM. I'm grateful for field, grinder, AB, and many others whether or not I always agree with them.They may not be able to fly out to Jacksonville from Tacoma to help out. This may be their way of doing it.

Anonymous said...

bloke

what is a bloke?

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

Man, I've been living outside of the U.S. for so long....

Bloke is a slang word for a man commonly used by the English and some West Africans. Bloke is now in my lexicon since I live and work with these folks.

smone said...

Smashed,
You are stupid. You totally missed the posters notions. It's not negative views of mail youth, but the adults that are shaping male youth.

Also, you state children can be molded. That is what the poster is saying.

Many folks in my church and my children's school say "yes ma'am, sir" but they are just as heathen as anyone else.

This person evoked some crazy emotional-ness out of you...which makes you look quite honestly like a fool.

No offense, but you really look like the dumb one.

Also, FN does not need you to swing in like a monkey to save him.

Also, you attack in catty-ness and below the belt jabs, you then become the evil you despise.

When will some people learn. Disagree on an intellectual level (which you cannot do apparently) and leave the below the belt cattyness out of it. The poster is a feminist, big deal, get over it.

I am glad my wife is not only beautiful, but smart too. If she were like you, I would have to hang her out.

Anonymous said...

I am going agree with Smone on this one. Rude and unintelligent personal attacks do not an argument make herein.

Shame!!!!

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

smone,

You need reading comprehension classes.

She mostly bashed black males.

That was clear.

She really didn't offer any solutions. Just bitched about finding "a needle in a haystack."

If you can't find a man, it's probably your fault. You either attract the horrid ones, don't know how to treat them or both.

Someone married you? That's funny. Maybe she's "special" or likes being treated like a doormat.

Wife Smart? With your razor wit, RIGHT! HAHAHAHA!

I'll defend all of our men. That's right. I love good black men and MY people. Go back to stormfront if it makes you uncomfortable.

You've met the men in my church, how? Did you ever travel outside of your neighborhood, let alone your country? Watching Fox doesn't cut it.

Some militant feminism IS HARMFUL, especially to our boys. Equal pay for equal work still isn't a reality. Bitter, churlish, nags use FEMINISM not to improve the lives of downtrodden women, but to BASH BLACK MEN.

ENOUGH.

It's not just the girls that need protecting. Boys do as well. Look at what is going on with our young men. If you can't offer a solution, STFU and just give them positive encouragement.

Are you black? Using the term "swing like a monkey?"

If your not, and I'm sure you're not, your opinion on dating black men is the category of "who gives a rat what you think."

Really?

I'll defend whomever I please. Again, your reading skills are weak. I defended ALL bloggers.

Back to primary with you!

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

Anon @ 8:22,
If you can't take it, then don't dish. This is a comment section of a blog, not a spring ball.

So no one defends gay, lesbian, or white commenters when insulted. That's ok, huh.

No one else defends young black men that are innocent or gentlemen.

Give it up the pretenses.

praisehim said...

Smashed,
Not sure what church you go too, but at my church we don't treat others the way you do. I guess, what does Jesus' love truly mean to you is what I have to wonder. I don't think Jesus would write some of what you have written.

blacklefty said...

"special"

STBB,

My son has Down's Syndrome. It's a horrific disease that has put him and all of us through years of hell. I pray your family never endures anything like that. It hurt reading how you used the term special. If your child had DS, you might rethink using that term.

Anonymous said...

Reason again, that I don't go to church and despise religion. If church folks say such damning things and throw around terms like retarded or "special" then that's reason enough to not belong to church. Most Christians are faux Christians. And I thought they were supposed to be a light to the world...a dark one maybe.

Constructive Feedback said...

[quote]"Are you tired of watching the demise of the black community? Are you tired of watching our women being degraded and disrespected all over television? Are you tired of purchasing music for your children that promotes gangs, drugs and the killing of other black youth such as themselves? Are you sick of our youth allowing themselves to become a shell of what they could be? Are you sick of our black men that leave our race and marry outside our race profiting off the black community while they in turn, turn their backs on us? Are you ready to say something about it? [/quote]

I am impressed that you didn't blame all of this on Black Conservatives.

The bottom line of it all is that our present Male/Female situation in our communities is a derivative of the present CULTURE that is contained within.

We need to develop and rationalize the "Community Cultural Consciousness and Competency Domain" to address these problems. Most certainly we are not going to VOTE our way into healthy Black Male/Female relationships. Nor does Ron Christie have anything to do with the present dysfunction.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

praisehim,

I probably don't view Jesus or Christianity the way you may. That's the beauty of freedom of speech and religion.

But Jesus, if you read the good book, tends to encourage protecting the of our children.

I don't think Jesus would accept the "inferior" or "all men are dirtbags" label placed on Black kids or young men by so many of us. Talk about self-hate.

Sorry, I'm more concerned about them than some bitter feminist or self-loather. The kids are the future.

Let's hear it..."OHHH, you ain't no real Christian."
Yawn.

praisehim said...

Anon,

NO TINY IS NOT REFLECTIVE OF ALL OF US!! Some of us would never say those things and don't judge and just love. I promise!!!!!!!!!

praisehim said...

No smashed, I would never judge you like that. I just always hope that Christians ask "What would Jesus do" before acting. God Bless. If you are looking for a fight, you will find none here. I am a Child of Christ and will not engage.

tetra said...

Blacklefty,

I am sorry about that too. It was uncalled for and rather un-Christ like and I am not even a Christian.

I wish you, your son, and the family the best.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

light to the world...a dark one maybe.

Dim, you mean dim. Dark would mean a complete lack of light, in this case.

Yes and non-Christians are sooooo perfect.

Notice, I said "special." I didn't say DS, autistic or anything else. YOU took that specific meaning. I wouldn't insult the disabled by comparing them to some flummoxed posters alleged spouse.

Johanna said...

Dearest FN

The paragraph you quoted is very embarrassing to me as a Black woman. Sounds like the author is begging Black men to "come home" and not date outside of the race.

Black women have to get used to the fact that Black men can date/marry out freely. We, Black women, do not own Black men. They are not ours.

Similarly, Black men must recognize that Black women are also free to marry out.

I guess the bottom line is that Black men choose to exercise their interracial relationship card more vigorously than Black American women are willing to.

This is not the case in the United Kingdom where Black women date/marry out almost as much as Black men (33% of Black women in England marry out, while 50% of Black men do so).

I would advise Black American women to stop begging Black men to do things. If grown Black men want to date out, they will continue to do so. Stop embarrassing yourselves and acting like what Black men do or don't do is so important to your lives.

Get on with your own lives and open your dating options. Date good men -- don't let race be a barrier. Black men certainly do not let race stop them from falling in love and marrying. In the US Black men marry out 14%, while Black women only marry out 4%.

I am happily married to a Black man, but would not hesitate to marry out if I had to. Good men come in all colors!!

Anonymous said...

Smashed

What did you mean by special? Please elaborate for your many followers this morning. Yawn.

GOBUCKS said...

Yes and non-Christians are sooooo perfect.

Okay, I am gonna say what everyone is thinking, you are retarded!!!!!! Why be a Christian if there is no difference between you and them?

Anonymous said...

Johanna = Smart Post
Tiny Black Whore Box With Bastard Children = Dumb Post

Thanks Johanna, almost forgot what smart looked like in the string of mess on here.

mizan said...

I think Box is a "Choose your fave part of the bible and be a christian when it's convenient" kinda person.

Her bio says she reads the bible, but not so sure about that. I thought Jesus folks wanted to share love and peace. Not so much Box's MO me thinks.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

Get an urban dictionary and figure it out. When one utilizes English, words can have more than one meaning.

Either way many of you need to toughen up and get a life. Otherwise just go back to mindlessly insulting whites, gays and anyone else you don't agree with.

Smashed The Tiny Black Box said...

Why not?

So far from what I've seen, I couldn't possibly be sold on anything you may be practicing. Yes, everyone has a religion of some sort whether they realize it or not.

Now, I've got to go to work. I hope all of your foaming at the mouth dateless self-loathers find a man/woman and relax. If I were wrong, there wouldn't be such a violent reaction.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Black lefty,

Even BBox won't say it, sorry for that. She usually doesn't make such horrific remarks.

Sorry to your son.

alicia banks said...

ditto fn:

the horrid war between black hets fuels rabid black gaybashing too

all relationships are problematic and require MUCH hard work...across all boundaries of race and class

but gaybashers erroneously believe that no gender issues/homosexuality = bliss

they stupidly hate and envy gays assuming that our unions are blissful...no unions are

see much more on black gender
hatred

this is the best and most brutally honest book i ever read on this topic:

http://www.amazon.com/Conversation-Black-Loving-Trusting-Relationships/dp/1592404758/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260799836&sr=8-3-catcorr


ONLY when black men and women stop hating each other will black people cease being the worst gaybashers globally...

ONLY when all hets stop fearing that gay marriages may BEST their own horrid divorce rates will banning gay marriages cease to be an issue...

http://aliciabanks.vox.com/library/post/unholy-ugliness-in-uganda-american-racists-pimp-homohating-africans.html

Hathor said...

I wish we could still use the English language with out controversy. There are still words that retain their original definition and one has to view the context to discern meaning. Language is more than words.

When Smashed said "That's funny. Maybe she's "special" or likes being treated like a doormat." In no way did I think she was comparing her to a person with Downs Syndrome. That may be because when I learned the meaning of the word, that was before it was ever associated with DS.

alicia banks said...

see MANY classic takes on tiger/oj type bros by bros at youtube etc

ie

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmTXH3F0Us0


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp8CIAlEbvM


http://www.youtube.com/?v=Pkdu7J6n1Z4

Anonymous said...

Tiny Black Shit Hole Box

You unapologetic cunt. I hope your children get very, very sick. Then you will re think your words and your "Christian Spirit" you share on here. Or lack thereof cunt!

punkinbutter said...

Whoah there Anon, that is not nice at all. Black Shit Hole is dumb, I agree, but you got a foul heart.

Hathor: We expect whites to be "sensitive with their use of language and such when dealing with us black folks.

alicia banks said...

fn:

the best female authors on this topic are abbey lincoln:

Jazz stylist and author Abbey Lincoln managed to capture this exact same offensiveness as exhibited by heterosexual white women, in her enraged classic essay entitled “Who Will Revere The Black Woman?”, published in the renowned womanist anthology The Black Woman, edited by Toni Cade (1970):

“We are the women whose bars and recreation halls are invaded by flagrantly disrespectful, bigoted, simpering, amoral, emotionally unstable, outcast, maladjusted, nyphomaniacal, condescending white women...in desperate and untiring search of the “frothing-at-the-mouth-for-a white-woman, strong backed, sixty-minute hot black”.... We are the women who, upon protesting this invasion of our privacy and sanctity and sanity, are called “jealous”, and “evil”, and “small-minded”, and “prejudiced”...

When a white man “likes colored girls”, his woman (the white woman) is the last one he wants to know about it. Yet, seemingly, when a Negro “likes white girls”, his woman (the Black woman) is the first he wants to know about it. White female rejects and social misfits are flagrantly flaunted in our faces as the ultimate in feminine pulchritude. Our women are encouraged by our own men to strive to look and act as much like the white female image as possible, and only those who approach that “goal” in physical appearance and social behavior are acceptable. At best, we are made to feel that we are poor imitations and excuses for white women.

Evil? Evil, you say? The Black woman is hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, resentful, frightened, and evil! Who in this hell dares suggest that she should be otherwise? These attitudes only point up her perception of the situation and her healthy rejection of the same.”

http://aliciabanks.vox.com/library/post/black-love-gray-lies.html

&

icon/legend/lesbian gwendolyn brooks:

As an American Studies graduate student at Yale University, Goldsby continued to study lynching’s representation in literature. She became interested in Gwendolyn Brooks, whose “Ballad of Pearl May Lee” is the centerpiece of A Spectacular Secret’s preface. That poem, among the most controversial in Brooks’s first published volume of poetry in 1945, tells how the speaker’s lover, Sammy, was burned to death for his consensual tryst with a white woman. “You paid with your hide and my heart, Sammy boy, / For your taste of pink and white honey,” Pearl May Lee says, fueled as much by sexual jealousy as by the fear and anger of a persecuted minority. Her rage is directed at Sammy’s murderers but also at Sammy himself.

Pearl May Lee’s is a side of lynching’s story that is seldom told. For Goldsby, the poem “shifted my thinking away from the lynched man to the lovers, wives, children, sisters, brothers, friends, and extended kin who survived lynching’s violence.” Literary works like Brooks’s poem, Goldsby argues, have stories to tell that are otherwise inaccessible. These stories shed new light on why the violence flourished and on how its survivors were affected. As Goldsby puts it, “Literature is particularly responsive to historical developments we can’t bear to admit shape the course of our lives.”

http://magazine.uchicago.edu/0510/investigations/goldsby.shtml

http://www.amazon.com/Street-Bronzeville-Portraits-Verse-Reflecting/dp/B000E1RLVG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260802217&sr=1-1

ArtMaggot Hysteria said...

I find the above comments both funny and sad.

alicia banks said...

we gays have ALL the same tiger/oj issues and MORE!...


The late homosexual filmmaker Marlon Riggs was so much more honest than my former friend, even as he exclusively loved white men. In his legendary documentary “Tongues Untied”, Marlon painfully explained why he rejected Black men who had rejected him due to his homosexuality as a child. He spoke candidly and graphically about the demonic Black gaybashing pseudo-christians and the macho, sexist Black/closeted/bi-sexual peers who had made him feel sinful and sissyish, until he hated himself and everything else that was black.

http://aliciabanks.vox.com/library/post/black-love-gray-lies.html

Marlon perished with AIDS beside a white soulmate while, still, defiantly proclaiming that “Black men loving black men is a revolutionary act.” Even as he admitted that he was a broken and unfit soldier for such revolutionary battles. He was perfecting himself as he belatedly moved towards loving blackness, and he passionately encouraged others to do the same. That act itself is indeed revolutionary.

In “Tongues Untied”, Marlon spoke warmly of meeting his first whiteF lover who introduced him to a healthy homosexual love and kindness that became a white male addiction. Even as Marlon’s afrocentric critics blasted him for refusing to love black men (i.e.“If black men loving each other is revolutionary action, then why is Marlon not acting?”), Marlon accepted these criticisms with honesty, guilt, and grace.

I respected, loved, admired, excused, and understood Marlon for this. I hate that most Africans who hate their blackness make no such effort to be as honest and humble as Marlon. They display absolutely none of his integrity and courage as they arrogantly and ignorantly embrace toxic delusion and cowardly lies instead.

So many black lesbians live life even more eurocentrically than my former friend. They act like O. J. Simpsons in drag. In fact, they are so prevalent in gay spaces that I, and many other black lesbians, are often brazenly sexually harassed by white women who assume that we are also lesbian O.J.’s seeking their affections.

alicia banks said...

anon97:

ditto

bell hooks said it best:

"NO race of men ever politicize their penis"

ie

strom thurmond
lou dobbs
van jones
slave masters
many BPP bros

etc

alicia banks said...

fn:

musical therapy

lusical genius/bisexual meshell ndegeocello

"soul on ice"

http://www.youtube.com/user/veiszgabor

alicia banks said...

rushing as always

i meant

musical genius

uptownsteve said...

"Field, it's very simple. Black women, generally, are race loyal. Black men, generally, are not."

I totally disagree.

Black women would go out with white or hispanic men in a New York minute IF THE WHITES AND HISPANICS were asking.

That's the cold hard truth.

I've seen many of the bm bashing sisters on these boards claim race loyalty but cheer wildly when black female celebrities like Whoopi Goldberg, Venus Williams or Halle Berry hook up with white guys.

I've seen it in the workplace where if a white guy were to tell a black woman she "looked nice" she'd be grinning from ear to ear.

And don't let one go out on a date with a white guy.

She'll be braggin like she won the lotto.

A recent example of this was an exchange I had on this board with a black female blogger from WAOD who called herself "Voice of Reason".

After she launched into a rant about "stupid assed bm" and other racially loyal tripe, she bragged about being married to a white man as if someone is supposed to be impressed.

Sisters have to stop this persecuted posturing and start talking real.

Don said...

if asking i think what will happen is what has already happened, the women are turning to other women for love and affection. it appears the man is only needed for reproduction.

it's hard for me to believe these women cannot find the same in the arms of a man, or a black man, 'cause it's just hard for me to fathom such a possibility.

i won't sit here and ask any woman to lower her standards, i would never ask what i personally refuse. but i will ask that women look deeper within the heart and mind of a person and try to nurture that aspect to the forefront. it might make a difference.

if it doesn't then i guess they have no choice but to lower their standards. either that, or continue to share a man until they find them a good woman.

Cation Lavy said...

I think there's a lot of lonely and miserable black women who hate black men here.

I agree with STTBB. Sorry, many of you do treat men like shit and expect to treated like movie stars.

Since when did white people's choice of words become our measure of ethics?

I'm just saying that some of you aren't fooling anyone with your fake outrage or concerned for the handicap.

Kellybelle said...

Wow. As someone who dates the rainbow, I admit, many brothers have issues you don't find in other races. But I think these come from problems in the Black community as whole-- poor education and the resulting lack of opportunities and mental health pathologies passed on from generation to generation.

I don't think women should boycott, just be open to what's out there.

uptownsteve said...

grinder,

"I'd love to see what this blog and its commenters would have to say if white people threatened to boycott other whites who married non-whites."

They already do it's just not openly discussed.

I've heard from several honest white people that if a white is known to have dated blacks or especially a white guy who has dated a black woman, certain whites would never go near them again.

uptownsteve said...

kellybelle,

"I admit, many brothers have issues you don't find in other races."

Such as what?

La♥Incognita said...

Field and all, I have not read all comments, I'm afraid to. My thoughts and views may be bias and unapologetic when it comes to these type discussions. Please note that society started the bias towards black femalehood in the first place. Therefore, it has brought me to this point of outlook for self-love and survival. At the same token, take into consideration that my perspective and opinions may expand or totally revamp as I get older with wisdom/experience, or by changes in society. For now, I feel what I feel, and I am who I am - a black female living in an unfair, misogynistic and black-skin denigrated society/world. sorry for any grammatical errors.

I've always thought the website "boycottblackmen.com" was very misunderstood with a misleading title. I don't know if their mission has changed since 2-3 years ago, but people need to take time and read their mission statement. Of course there are GOOD black men, but they are not boycotting all black man, only a certain kind.

The kind who rise to their borrowed token thrown and wealth by walking on the necks of black women inside and out of their family circle and community. The kind who show their appreciation to black females all over by showcasing to the world how they don’t even desire black women. The kind that show little black girls why she shouldn’t even bother to conduct herself as ‘wife material’ because she’s not going to be chosen for a wife anyway. The kind who unfortunately become ‘role models’ for the wrong reasons and visually recruit other black males/black boys to worship and desire white flesh. Love sees no color, my ass.

And with all of that said, some of us don’t see how there’s even a slight connection with some of the lack of family structure, lack of unity, and overall denigration in the Black community because of the damaged mindset many of these black men perpetuate. It’s not just about money and fame, most of these men don’t even invest their energy, time or collective resources in the black communities. Again it's not all about money, but when it comes to the financial end of it, this is how I see it. A black man marrying a non-black female, will most likely take his resources away from black communities.....

uptownsteve said...

La*Incognita

Good post.

I respect that.

imbra said...

The kind who rise to their borrowed token thrown and wealth by walking on the necks of black women inside and out of their family circle and community. The kind who show their appreciation to black females all over by showcasing to the world how they don’t even desire black women. The kind that show little black girls why she shouldn’t even bother to conduct herself as ‘wife material’ because she’s not going to be chosen for a wife anyway. The kind who unfortunately become ‘role models’ for the wrong reasons and visually recruit other black males/black boys to worship and desire white flesh. Love sees no color, my ass.



LI: This exactly what a poster this morning posted on and Tiny Black Box went ballistic. But I too totally agree. Keep up the fight.

La♥Incognita said...

Also, in example: Any little money these men designate towards charity, will be influenced by “Becky” and her family. Therefore, it’s likely cute little furry animals will end up having a new shelter with swimming pool therapy, or a country club in the suburbs will receive new golfing material. If it goes towards human charities, it may not be the ones that are quite accessible to poor black females who may need it as compared. Furthermore, others will give an entire village somewhere in Asia/Europe/South America the resources for the rest of their life – not even a village somewhere in Africa, mind you. And of course there are exceptions, but this is the general attitude.

However, you dare give me, a black female that opportunity, and you’ll see resources been given to schools, clinics, and various programs in the black community. I'm away not all black female may think like this either. However, this is one of the main reasons why white/non-black supremacist societies hate seeing resourceful white/non-black men marrying black women, and prefer to see wealthy black men take bed with non-black women. Most resourceful black men have proven themselves to be less threats to uplift the black race. They are of abandoners of their race as compared to any race of men. They are less respected globally but tolerated because of this evilness.

Also, these black men might tell you they are not responsible or obligated to black people etc. Yet, when they fall flat on their faces, watch the same black community,especially foolish black women expend energy and little resources in the name of saving a “black man”. I refuse to line their pockets, it goes against my interest as a black female, and they can all go to hell.

Look at Africa, black African villages along with black African women have made sacrifices for African sons/men to go abroad to educate themselves with hopes of them uplifting their people. Instead, most of them stay abroad, marry white women, uplift some other country, and send home a 1,000 pounds/dollars a year to their village, LOL. If half of these professional African men went back to Africa decades ago, I suspect many of the countries would not be so susceptible to inside tyranny, ignorance, pestilence and outside predators.

Those were just scenarios on the macro level, but what about the micro situations with individual familes who have black males dating outside the race only to ignore their own black mother while taking care of their white mother in law? I have much much much more to say, especially about other black females who "feel embarrass" and chastise other black women for pointing out these blatant disparities. But I only have a 15 min. break. I’ll be back!

1214/09

uptownsteve said...

La*Incognita

Now you're going overboard.

"However, this is one of the main reasons why white/non-black supremacist societies hate seeing resourceful white/non-black men marrying black women, and prefer to see wealthy black men take bed with non-black women."

This is ridiculous.

There is no way you will convince me or anybody else that white supremacist societies prefer to see black men bedding white women.

It's still a red flag. The white men still hate bm/ww relationships regardless of the so-called "post-racial".

And sorry La, white men in general (there is always the David Bowie/Bill Cohen outlier) especially rich powerful ones are not dating black women.

If they were, you wouldn't have all these angry bitter sisters complaining about being abandoned by black men.

"Those were just scenarios on the macro level, but what about the micro situations with individual familes who have black males dating outside the race only to ignore their own black mother while taking care of their white mother in law."

Oh geez. Now we're getting into Terry McMillanville.

Jilla said...

So it seems that some celebrities chase white women. Therefore you then let your girls act like whores because the celebrity sent a "you're not pretty message?"

You can't let celebrities or the wrong people influence your children. That's just insane. Do not not control your own children.

I don't know many Africans that marry whites after university. Are there any statistics? I've rarely seen that. I also know that usually it's the daughters that care for aged parents.

After reading these comments, I'm going to encourage my children to find mates from other countries. Too many broken families and too much anger from many of you is not good for your descendants.

Anonymous said...

"Are you sick of our black men that leave our race and marry outside our race profiting off the black community while they in turn, turn their backs on us?"

So now if I date outside of my race I'm turning my back on my community? This is an absolutely ridiculous assertion. You know what, and I'm going to sound like the angry brother here, but throughout my whole life I've wanted a good Black woman. I'm educated, I have a good job and I don't have a criminal record, but at every point and step in my life from the time I was you through college, grad school and professionally, Black women haven't been particularly interested in me regardless of whether I approached or made an attempts to talk, date, etc. This is not to say that I haven't dated Black women (in fact one of my longest relationships was with a Black woman), this is only to say that even the professional Black woman that I have approached and would date are always looking for something more...they're always looking for an athlete or a music producer or someone aspiring to be those things, or they want a thug or someone who straddles the line between being a thug and a professional. The typical professional brother that doesn't fit any of those molds doesn't stand a chance. That's just my opinion on things.

alicia banks said...

uts:

kola is correct

at uiuc
i saw white coaches make sure that the best prospects for the nba etc always had EXCLUSIVELY WF hostesses

we black hostesses and lesser bm jock prospects endured an apartheid of social events

they made sure their own daughters met only the bm ballers most destined to be rich

i resigned from this org when i realized it was not an honor but a clandestine co-ed pro ring...
and these orgs exist on every campus

white men decide how many tigers will exist and they eclusively hook them up with elins and praise their unions...how many wm reporters are now saying "tiger woods abused his PERFECT BEAUTIFUL NORDIC PURE... wife elin"

see ray allen (who has a wf spouse) expertly depict this in
the film "he got game":

http://www.amazon.com/He-Got-Game-Denzel-Washington/dp/630514415X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1260806498&sr=1-1

alicia banks said...

sttb:

i understood you

and i appreciate all you post

thanks!
_____

uts:

i agree with you

i am 46
and i would say most women over 40are loyal to black men

BUT

most younger women are not!

i admire women under 30 who date the rainbow as all men of all ages and races have always done!

compare these 2 books:

elders
http://www.amazon.com/Sole-Sisters-Pains-Single-Black/dp/193284127X/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260807284&sr=1-5

bf youth
http://www.amazon.com/Interracial-Dating-Black-Women-White/dp/1581128002/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1260807328&sr=1-3-fkmr0

uptownsteve said...

"i saw white coaches make sure that the best prospects for the nba etc always had EXCLUSIVELY WF hostesses."

You mean hookers, right?

Is that what you're aspiring to AB?

What does this have to do with what I'm talking about?

And I've hung out at pro-athlete favored DC area clubs like "Dream" "Republic Gardens" and "DC Live" where young fat butt sisters have no problem using their bodies and offers of sex to get next to professional athletes.

Dark-skinned as well as light skinned girls.

Those who can, DO.

Anon97 said...

Great posts here...

I'm not all the way through, but I also wanted to mention this:

IR dating/marriage is not as big a factor in our community as it seems. The stats are something like less than 10 of bm are married to non-black women.

The problem is that bm and bw aren't marrying each other. We have this whole baby mama, marriage is just a piece of paper generation, and they are skewing the numbers.

If more bm/bw got married, the small number of IR marriages in our communities wouldn't matter.

alicia banks said...

dylyp:

wow

thank you prof!

you made my day

indeed i am no racist

but i do not accept anyone who exlcusively dates people who do not look like them


Contrary to rumors, libel, and slander, I do not hate all interracial couples. I truly believe that love is always rare and always a gift. As a lesbian, I would be a hypocrite to reject any love between any consenting adults. I am no hypocrite. However, I am a realist.

Many people that I adore would never have been born if not for interracial lovers: Bob Marley, Huey Newton, Halle Berry, Shemar Moore, Chico DeBarge, Lisa Bonet, Sade, Frederick Douglas... Many people I admire have wed or dated white persons: Quincy Jones, Alfre Woodard, Lena Horne, Pam Grier, Marlon Riggs, Lani Guinier, Labi Siffre, Alice Walker...



"Musicologist, activist, and cyber columnist is how Alicia Banks describes herself. But she's better known to her fans and detractors as a popular talk radio personality. She is the producer, creator, and host of two radio shows...Alicia heats up early morning airwaves with her take-no -prisoners approach. But her shock-jock comparisons end with her eclectic mix of music and anti-racist interpretation...." GIRLFRIENDS MAGAZINE 9/1997

Constructive Feedback said...

[quote]And with all of that said, some of us don’t see how there’s even a slight connection with some of the lack of family structure, [/quote]

La Incognita:

You are attesting to your belief in the problematic "family structure" that allows people to fall through the cracks and to be "socialized" with a consciousness that is destructive to our community.

I challenge all of you to go beyond documenting THAT there is a problem and even WHO you think originally caused the problem and instead make note that a BLACK BABY BORN ON THIS DAY will have his world experiences shaped most profoundly by the adults who are closes to him. Thus the main challenge is in fielding a new system and consciousness by which these adults actively manage the immediate community and fight collectively to keep damaging and ignorant messages from his view in the name of producing DIRECTED OUTCOMES.

[quote] lack of unity,[/quote]

When you say "Lack Of Unity" amongst Black people please detail the domain in which this is so?

Voting? Hardly
Support for a given set of policies within our community? There are fewer people who are more "unified".

I think the concept of "unity" or lack there of is not the problem. The bigger challenge is WHAT ARE YOU "UNIFIED" behind and is there a SYSTEM in place that can identify some of the assumptions that the masses are "unified" behind, show them why this has not been effective and replace what is POPULARLY agreed upon but not effective with an alternative strategy that IS EFFECTIVE at carrying out these directed outcomes?

What is POPULAR is not always what is EFFECTIVE.

(Filled Negro and Steve will read this and swear that I just handed out a REPUBLICAN campaign flier as I try to "trick" Black people. :-/ )


[quote] and overall denigration in the Black community because of the damaged mindset many of these black men perpetuate[/quote]

La Incognita - Of the messages that are seen as threatening to our people and thus REBUKED which of them receive more attack by the Black Establishment?

The one's that are socially corrosive to this order that you speak of as needed. (IE: A rapper telling of how he screwed 10 Black women because they were easy?)

OR the ones that are a threat to their lock on their POLITICAL and IDEOLOGICAL positions? (Thus make note of the message about "Fox New's Black Republicans two stories down).

The bottom line of it all, In Cognita - certain operatives are allowing certain things to happen WITHIN THE BLACK COMMUNITY that are materially damaging to Black people while focusing on others threats that are proportionally irrelevant.

My question is: When are you all going to go against the Black Establishment and have them stop USING YOU to advance their own agenda which has PROVEN to be something that is not in line with our community's needs.

The fact that we are still having these conversations about the basics while they seek to have us happy by looking at the "Portraits hanging on the wall" of the elected officials that they have rendered as PROOF OF OUR RACIAL ADVANCEMENT is evidence enough of your having been USED for their agenda.

WHAT ARE WE AS A COMMUNITY RECEIVING FROM IT?

(Hey Steve - Vote Republican.)

cyg.net said...

@ UptownSteve 10:21 AM

"I've heard from several honest white people that if a white is known to have dated blacks or especially a white guy who has dated a black woman, certain whites would never go near them again."

Most white folks don't date outside of their color by choice; when it comes to being "loyal to your race", white people are about as "loyal" as they come. That being said, I get the feeling that these "honest white people" you speak of live exclusively in your head. I'm a white guy who frequently dated outside my race and no white women ever accused me of being "tainted" by former black lovers. And I live in the south.

Also, I'm not sure why so many commenters believe that disrespecting women is the exclusive domain of bm and bc. Have you seen the multitude of ho clothes in Latin American stores, The hundreds of "All Asian Staff" massage parlours, Arab women being forced to cover themselves head to toe, Sorority girls takin' the "walk of shame"? Have you ever read Maxim? Seems like society as a whole has some issues w/ disrespecting women. Black men seem to be about as bad as everyone else.

And, for all the black women out there: you are beautiful. Don't let a man of any race tell you different. I married a black woman and have never been happier. The right guy is out there for you, so don't be "boycotting" anyone.

I am not Star Jones said...

Uptown Steve...

Maybe the woman was bragging about having a husband who was as into her as she was into him?

I wouldn't be so quick to presume that black women are unable to date a wide range of types. The options offered are not limited to non-black men in America.

I mean damn, I've traveled extensively and every place my smile and brown skin got play.

And sure there may have been a few who found me appealing because I was novelty but my self-esteem is strong enough that I trusted myself to weed out the sexual tourist from the genuine.

So I ask that you not diminish the appeal of black women to non-black men -- it's churlish and unnecessary.

Remember most people (all hues and genders) want to give and receive love. Let's try to figure out ways where they can do that and not feel emotionally tortured in the process, eh?

Anon97 said...

"And sorry La, white men in general (there is always the David Bowie/Bill Cohen outlier) especially rich powerful ones are not dating black women."


Yes, they are. Those couples don't get the same shine as bm/ww couples, but they are out there.

You actually came her and proved my point for me. Instead of posting something constructive, you went right to insulting bw, essentially saying 'White and Hispanic men don't want your bitter asses anyway!"

La♥Incognita said...

"There is no way you will convince me or anybody else that white supremacist societies prefer to see black men bedding white women."

Then Steve said:


"And sorry La, white men in general (there is always the David Bowie/Bill Cohen outlier) especially rich powerful ones are not dating black women."

So Steve, then how are you able to make a fair comparison if you see it that way in your second statement? Fair enough.

Another way to look at it. Which of the two groups of men receive more pressure to stay loyal, or receive more rejection from their race and family? Not black men, obviously.

And remember, the white man's family, is basically the very white supremacist society that we are referring to.



Alicia, I am not Kola, you may stop holding my real online identity hostage. :)

uptownsteve said...

"I'm a white guy who frequently dated outside my race and no white women ever accused me of being "tainted" by former black lovers. And I live in the south."

You're married to a black woman, right?

You pretty much make my point.

alicia banks said...

uts:

read yuor own posts

you refuted kola when she said
wm encourage rich bm to marry wfs

i am elling u that wm encuraging bm to woo wfs formally begins in colleges!!!

no i do not aspire to that
i was a teenager who swiftly resigned
as
free 4 star restaurants and leased sports cars were not worth trading my body
but MANY coeds see this as elite
pampering/flattery etc

i was a scholar and superstar at uiuc
brains always best beauty for me
do not hate me because unlike you (you clearly have neither)
i am blessed with both!

you really need to stop feigning your OWN arguments simply because i crush them with ease

man up
and admit that kola was right
and stop the tangential monkeyshining!

ie
tiger ahd many wing men on his payroll who helped him juggle his trysts with whores....i bet they are all wms

i bet mike j and charles b are the only bros in tiger's life

uptownsteve said...

La*Cognita

"So Steve, then how are you able to make a fair comparison if you see it that way in your second statement? Fair enough."

These people are making their dating decisions by choice not by what they feel white supremacist society "prefers".

"Another way to look at it. Which of the two groups of men receive more pressure to stay loyal, or receive more rejection from their race and family? Not black men, obviously."

That doesn't mean white society is any more accepting of bm/ww relationships.

Many white women have been ostracized from their families and communities for dating or marrying black men.

Cyg,net said...

What's the point? I married a black woman because we chose each other. But when I was dating I never got the a racial dating inquiry from a white girl (although I did from other ethnicities, but I think they were feeling out if I had a fetish).

Jazzy said...

Boycott Black men! Are they serious? Boycotting BM is like boycotting myself. Why would any sane human being want to boycott themselves or is it even possible. Count me out, I love the BM from the top of his head to his toe nails. There is no better man for me. We've gone through too much to break up now. I'll never lost faith in him and will always be by his side through WHATEVER! Boycott BM! The most insane idea I've heard since Tony Brown came up with Tony Dollars!

roslynholcomb said...

"There is no way you will convince me or anybody else that white supremacist societies prefer to see black men bedding white women."

Of course they do. Remember, it's about resources. In the early days of slavery planters encouraged black men to be with white women. The objection to miscegenation was not about the purity of white women, though of course they couched it in those terms, it was about the loss of property because the child of a white woman would be born free.

Black men with white women supports both white supremacy and white economic supremacy which is more important. After all, in most households women control the purse strings and have the buying power. That's why you see Heidi and Seal all over the place even though Heidi only has a hack reality show and Seal hasn't had a hit since the first Batman movie. Interestingly enough, when Tom Clancy (Yes, that Tom Clancy) married Colin Powell's (Who was Secretary of State at the time) niece there wasn't a peep in the media and I have yet to see a picture of them together.

alicia banks said...

la incognita:

ok

no more kola

and i agree with 100% of what u posting today

uptownsteve said...

I am not Star Jones

"So I ask that you not diminish the appeal of black women to non-black men -- it's churlish and unnecessary."

I'm not diminishing anything dear.

Just dealing with reality.

I personally would love to see more black women dating outside the race.

I'm not threatened by that in the least.

There would be far less angry and deprived sistas in this world and that would make life better for everybody.

I am not Star Jones said...

Uptown Steve...
I'm waiting for your eloquent, informed response to my point about the dating pool for black women being larger than non black men in America.

waiting, waiting, waiting...

GIGGLE!

alicia banks said...

uts:

so in addition to the wm pimps on toger's payroll

i see you are also ignoring the wm kin of nicole brown

who allowed oj to pulverize her as they aimultaneously enjoyed sky boxes
chicken franchises/auto dealerships etc on his bm dime???

uptownsteve said...

"In the early days of slavery planters encouraged black men to be with white women."

You're nuts.

alicia banks said...

uts:

i take it you have not seen the film "mandingo"?

bm were equally exploited
by white fetishists of both genders

i am certain that most of the sexual abuse of slaves has simply not been documented...
especially of those who were bm/homo etc

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/the-ghosts-of-louisiana.html


http://www.amazon.com/Mandingo-James-Mason/dp/B0016LFG4M/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1260808868&sr=1-1

I am not Star Jones said...

but the reality you state isn't real. are you stating that most black women that you encounter don't realize that they have options that extend the borders of the USA? if so, say that.

But don't pretend that black women aren't attractive to a wide range of men -- just because that's not your personal experience.

And again, the goal can't be to denigrate someone who wants love --even if the person is feeling angry and deprived.

BTW, angry and deprived is a condition that can affect any of us at any time. Black women are not all bitches, so don't put that shit on us.

I am not Star Jones

"So I ask that you not diminish the appeal of black women to non-black men -- it's churlish and unnecessary."

I'm not diminishing anything dear.

Just dealing with reality.

I personally would love to see more black women dating outside the race.

I'm not threatened by that in the least.

There would be far less angry and deprived sistas in this world and that would make life better for everybody.

uptownsteve said...

"i take it you have not seen the film "mandingo"?"

Oh I saw it alright and correct me if I'm wrong the massa killed the mullatto baby and then the black slave Meade for knockin' up Missy.

Right?

roslynholcomb said...

"You're nuts."

Clearly you don't know your Carter Woodson:

http://www.dinsdoc.com/woodson-1.htm

According to A. J. Calhoun, however, all planters of Maryland did not manifest so much ire because of this custom among indentured servants. “Planters, said he, “sometimes married white women servants to Negroes in order to transform the Negroes and their offspring into slaves.12a This was in violation of the ancient unwritten law that the children of a free woman, the father being a slave, follow the status of their mother and are free. The custom gave rise to an interesting case. “Irish Nell,” one of the servants brought to Maryland by Lord Baltimore, was sold by him to a planter when he returned to England. Following the custom of other masters who held white women as servants, he soon married her to a Negro named Butler to produce slaves. Upon hearing this, Baltimore used his influence to have the law repealed but the abrogation of it was construed by the Court of Appeals not to have any effect on the status of her offspring almost a century later when William and Mary Butler sued for their freedom on the ground that they descended from this white woman. The Provincial Court had granted them freedom but in this decision the Court of Appeals reversed the lower tribunal on the ground that “Irish Nell” was a slave before the measure repealing the act had been passed. This case came up again 1787 when Mary, the daughter of William and Mary Butler, petitioned the State for freedom. Both tribunals then decided to grant this petition.13

alicia banks said...

iamnss:

ditto!

uts is in deep denial as usual!!!

wm adore bm

i think the ONLY reason they do not wed us as often is that their male egos and self love cannot deal with visibly black children

most self-loathing bm adore erasing their own black blood from their children's faces...they covet yellow/curly haired children..the whiter their kids are the more they love them

essence magazine talked to white dads of bm who were brutally honest about this once...legendary feature

that is why so many wfs are walking around filled with collagen in their lips and butts and breast implants/and toxic super tans etc...

even ancient fashion mimicked the bf physique
ie
overskirts

and the venus hottentot is a legendary case of how wms fatally fetishize bf physiques
"

http://diversitydtg.com/articles/interracial_families.htm

http://webspace.webring.com/people/rm/monicasass/saartjie.htm

http://www.english.emory.edu/Bahri/Exhibition.html

uptownsteve said...

"But don't pretend that black women aren't attractive to a wide range of men -- just because that's not your personal experience."

I'm not Star, go forth, miscegenate and be happy.

May God Bless You.

alicia banks said...

uts:

ditto

he killed the man who his wf wife raped

and he made that same man a bm stud

and

hauntingly similar to tiger's wm pimps/fans who slay him now


he made that same bm a boxer god etc

ditto

uptownsteve said...

"uts is in deep denial as usual!!!

wm adore bm"

Then what is the problem then?

Why are so many sistas complaining about being abandoned?

Why do so many get enraged at the sight of a black man with a white or asian women???

I say go for it!!!!

If there are all these white boys just dying to be with sistas, then get with 'em for God's sake!!!

You damn sure aren't gonna tell me it's race loyalty holding you back.

Some of y'all absolutely despise black men.

alicia banks said...

antebellum hoop skirts mimicked protruding bf buttocks

a black woman's behind is god's greatest work of art and wfs are dying to get one

http://www.english.emory.edu/Bahri/Exhibition.html

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Cosmetic/miss-argentinas-death-shows-dangers-buttock-injections/story?id=9221615

alicia banks said...

uts:

i adore black men/kings

i despise bm perps/court jesters

TONS of wm are wooing bfs
but they are not breeding and wedding them and giving them their assets as li stated

like tiger's billions/oj's millions etc

THEREIN lies the difference you deny!

grinder said...

grinder, you're a white racist faggot, this discussion has no place for you and your race bating idiocy. Go take your HIV pills and shutup. Let the real women talk, I rather read what they have to say.

Ha ha ha ha ha!! ROTFLMAO!! Well, I suppose it's a good thing that homophobia is so rampant among black people; at least black people who are attracted to the same gender can cross racial lines without additional hassle, secure in the knowledge that most of their fellow blacks are glad to see 'em go.

People should be able to form sexual attachments with whoever interests them, period, and not face the sort of hostility, fear, insecurity, and outright stupidity that is rampant here whenever the subject comes up. On this issue, when I am not laughing I genuinely feel sorry for you. Wow.

alicia banks said...

uts:

the rage comes from rejection

wanda sykes is married to a french wf

she jokes that HET women abuse them the most in public

"why...i was never an option for u?"

universal rejection hurts universally!

uptownsteve said...

"TONS of wm are wooing bfs
but they are not breeding and wedding them and giving them their assets as li stated"

Sounds a lot like what y'all say about bruthas.

'Cept for the "breeding" part.

LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...

I would advise Black American women to stop begging Black men to do things. If grown Black men want to date out, they will continue to do so. Stop embarrassing yourselves and acting like what Black men do or don't do is so important to your lives.


You are right! It's embarrassing! People laugh at the "black man come home" slogan; it makes black women look desperate as hell. Black men are not going to stop chasing white and light bright women. That cat has long ran out of the bag.

alicia banks said...

uts:

wanda and her wife have 2 white babies

with 0 black blood
so
ws clearly has issues too..

ws jokes that she calls her wife french as "white" bothers even wanda herself

and she said
if they divorce
she wanted her to be able to do the kids hair properly solo

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=104337085

Anonymous said...

"TONS of wm are wooing bfs
but they are not breeding and wedding them and giving them their assets as li stated"

Really? I' see little proof that this is happening. What proof can you offer?

alicia banks said...

uts:

again you are dually blinded
unable to see the topic/your own posts due to your arrogant sexism and ignrance

bros typially wed and breed and give all earthly assets to wfs

wm typically only seduce/covet/fetishize bf sex...as they wed and breed wfs

they want children who look like them
and they want to keep their wealth white

that makes them much wiser and farmore loyal than avg bros

that is what li said originally!!!

Constructive Feedback said...

[quote]i take it you have not seen the film "mandingo"?[/quote]

Alicia:

I saw 'Mandingo' about 2 months ago.

Actually it was the planter's wife who was creeping with the "Mandingo" in order to get back at him for getting busy with his Black mistress. When the White woman got pregnant and had a Black baby - they poisoned her.



Think about it folks - What ultimate control don't we have over our consciousness today that causes is to revert back to SLAVERY as the point where our present "cultural consciousness" was defined?

Thus are we suffering from the "Damage Of Slavery" that continues today OR from THE LACK OF MANAGEMENT to mold a different result - despite our present state of freedom?

uptownsteve said...

ab

Where are all the wm wooing bm?

Let's see some proof.

I Am Not Star Jones your contribution is welcome as well.

grinder said...

By the way, where are the complaints about black-Hispanic relationships or black-Asian ones? You folks only seem to be pissed off about blacks being with whites. What's up with that?

miajere said...

I really hate these negative toned causes, that are out to uplift a group by putting down another group. Black men are black too, and just because they don't agree with these outdated ideals, doesn't make them any less black.

I would be appalled if I knew of a similar campaign out to boycott black women because we were gold diggers, uneducated, loud, fat, and leeches to society. Every race has its good and bad, and instead of putting the pressure where it belongs, on the society that continues to treat black men as less than human, these women took up the time to treat the victim like a whore that deserves what's coming to her.

I understand that it's hard struggling with white supremacy and at times you don't know who to get angry at, but turning it inward, to our fathers, uncles, our brothers, and friends is not the answer.

Maybe if these women weren't out spreading bitterness they could concentrate better on finding love, chemistry, and happiness outside the race struggle. Lord knows I don't want to marry a black man just so we can save the world.

alicia banks said...

ditto fn:

that is what i said

the very same wm who made meade a god dared to slay him when his own wf wife found him godly

and i think brenda sykes is a goddess and the same wf was wooing her as he slew meade....

we do not revert

slavery is STILL very much a part of all we do

ie

the stud mentality of many bros

and

the rage of wf as ideal females

all began on plantantions!

i may someday compose a doctoral thesis on:
"post traumatic slavery stress disorder"

we are still mentally enslaved in many ways and it manifest itself in our interpersonal relos

slave masters were the original pimps that young bm worship so today

alicia banks said...

grinder'

it is white supremacy and its contextS that define all interracial relos as black + white

ditto

and

many black gayvbashers view homosexuality as a white disease
even though it is ancient
and preceded euro invasions in africa

Why is interracial love so often restricted to black and white unions? How many other beautiful races of persons are on the earth? Why does the interracial propaganda that bombards us never seem to promote other racial mixes as adamantly and expressly as it does black and white unions? White supremacy rules all mixed equations. Thus, whiteness must always be in the mix.

Race is complex. Racism intensifies that complexity. Mixed race persons should see their reflections in many races. Yet, even they most often seek only the whitest lovers they can find. Because even their exotic blood is no shield from mundane white supremacy.

Homosexuality is ancient and universal. Africa is the First World. The first humans were African. Thus, clearly, the first homosexual humans were African also.

I cannot express the EXCRUCIATING emotional pain of being denied my heritage and homeland because I am a lesbian. It is a brutal act of bigotry that stings my very soul. Gaybashers, like homosexuals, are everywhere. Yet, I have NEVER heard a white gaybasher tell a white lesbian that she is not a true European because she is gay.

alicia banks said...

m:

there are org that do boycott bw who date wm

but fewer as it is seen as occurring lesser

but that is changing

even among bf celebs/tv roles etc

Anonymous said...

Question Alicia: You make comments about people who only date interracially and exclude others of their race. You seem to see this as not natural; yet, you only date women and exclude men. Most people consider that not natural. Aren't you the pot calling the kettle black?

I am not Star Jones said...

uptown steve...


i'm not going to source out famous people who date IR because I don't know them.

i hang out with people who are diverse and interracially date and marry and breed too!--not only black and white but like a virtual UN.
my proof is my life and circle of friends.


again, i think in your world there may be women who have chosen to believe there's a finite dating pool which is informing your opinions.

And that's your option but I'm telling you some of us see the world as infinite and loving, for the most part.

maybe the angry and bitter black women you encounter just haven't had the life experience to see the dating world as a buffet?

is that a possibility?

Anon97 said...

"Where are all the wm wooing bm?

Let's see some proof."

Proof in what form?

If you mean anecdotal evidence, I dont have any. Around here, you see more bm/ww than bw/wm. From my observations, though, when bw/wm do hook up, they are generally on equal footing. Neither group is willing to "date down". With bm/ww, you see many normal looking bm with overweight, trashy looking ww. These men appear to be dating down, but I suppose in their minds, any kind of white is a step up. You don't generally see average bm with middle/upper middle class ww. Bm don't generally "attain" those women until they attain some kind of wealth.

As someone mentioned, IR marriage stats in Europe are about equal when it comes to bm/ww and bw/wm. I spent time in Paris and the wm were very forward. It actually surprised me. Here in the US (before I was married), wm smiled at me and were (still are) very polite, but they seemed shy and timid and unsure about approaching me.

I said that to say that clearly, wm aren't repelled by bw, because as we can see in other parts of the world, they are marrying them in relatively large numbers.

I think the baggage of racism, white supremacy, race loyalty, an relatability is what hinders bw/wm relationships in the US.

I can link you to several bw/wm celeb couples if you like.

Anon97 said...

I think it's also important to note that the IR pairing with the highest divorce rate is bm/ww. BW/WM have the second lowest rate of divorce, behind WM/AW.

Anecdotally, I see quite a few single ww with their brown babies. Why are bm abandoning ww too?

uptownsteve said...

I Am Not Star Jones,

You're reading me all wrong.

I saw if you know all these white and other non-black guys who love black women then why you don't turn your sistas on to them??

And if you are so content in your romantic life, why do you spend so much time bashing black men?

If you were truly getting your share you wouldn't give one crap what black men are doing or who they're doing it with.

I encourage black women to date outside the race.

It just really doesn't seem to be a viable option for them.

hennasplace said...

Some may look at this as women complaining and you are right, and sometimes it is good to complain. There are some valid concerns that women have about men.

Part of the problem is lack of communication, and the need to control and this includes men and women. It is the age old battle of the sexes which I am tired of participating in myself.

Marriage does not cross my mind because I am not interested in becoming someone's housekeep or picking up where a guy's mother left off. I am big believer in supporting one another and being a self-sufficient person. I need to know that I am not able to do something that my partner can pick up the slack. There are some very immature people both men and women, but more men some to have corner the market on immaturity. I think if we realize that it is about the relationship than our egos about wants to have the upperhand, people would have better marriages in generally. However, there are some black men to seem to have an old-fashioned view about marriage when it really did not exist as black women had always work in this society. I think black women are tired of doing everything alone including housework and rearing children.

I am not Star Jones said...

Uptown Steve...
Please highlight the comments where I'm bashing black men on this blog. You will not be able to find it because it's not true. deal with what I'm giving you not the tape loop in your head.


Stop conflating my points with what you may want to believe. You wrote:

I encourage black women to date outside the race.

It just really doesn't seem to be a viable option for them.


My response to your opinion on this is it may be rooted in the black women you know who may believe it's not a viable option. But IN MY WORLD, it's not only a viable option -- it's reality because the world is a huge place and american men (of every race) aren't the only ones that exist for intimacy and companionship.

Anonymous said...

Maj cries.... "instead of putting the pressure where it belongs, on the society that continues to treat black men as less than human."


Good lord woman, haven't you learned anything? You type bw are the reason why bw and bg are suffering by the hands of bm in the bc. Did you read what la and anon 1:31 and a couple others said? pay attention woman.

Anonymous said...

All this black man vs black woman or vice-versa is being a 'pawn in their game'. WAKE UP!

grinder said...

it is white supremacy and its contextS that define all interracial relos as black + white

Hmm, so if a black and a Mexican screw each other, "white supremacy" is in the mix. ROTLFMAO!! More seriously, if I were heterosexual and inclined to want to cross racial lines, my biggest worry would be in dealing with craziness from black people, some portion of whom are totally wigged out about the issue.

I am not Star Jones said...

Anon 1:02pm...

there is no black man vs. black woman divide -- there is a relationship divide.

again, there is nothing wrong with any black woman seeking out an emotionally healthy relationship. There seems to be some confusion about what that entail. Well here's a starter list:

People should be open to people who are receptive to grace, kindness, thoughtfulness, affection and honesty.

When you bring/practice deception in a romantic relationship, you are asking for unhealthiness, anger, and bitterness.

If more people created standards and adhered to them, there might be less websites about boycotting a segment of society and more about how to live a emotionally healthy life secure in our choices.

uptownsteve said...

"But IN MY WORLD, it's not only a viable option -- it's reality because the world is a huge place and american men (of every race) aren't the only ones that exist for intimacy and companionship."

Well INSJ, once again,

Go forth, miscegenate and be happy!

God bless you!

I am not Star Jones said...

Uptown Steve..
so in your world, the black women you know don't realize that love can exist outside of the 50 states?

and i must be some special unicorn type of woman because I do?

oh man.
carry on with your certainty.

I'll be loving myself in the meantime.

uptownsteve said...

"More seriously, if I were heterosexual and inclined to want to cross racial lines, my biggest worry would be in dealing with craziness from black people, some portion of whom are totally wigged out about the issue."

Yeah grinder.

And I guess white folks are all past race and flourishing in the new "post-racial" millenium.

Tell that to all the white women who have been disowned by their families for marrying black men.

And I've read horror stories about how racist the white gay community is.

There was a recent piece in the Washington Post and the black vs white gat scene in heavily gay Washington, DC.

At white gay clubs, when too many blacks start showing up, the music format is changed to country and western.

Shit like that.

uptownsteve said...

"I'll be loving myself in the meantime."

Don't do that.

Go get one of them white dudes.

I am not Star Jones said...

but uptown steve...
what about the white women who haven't been disowned for marrying a black man?

do you have any room in your headspace for that reality?

they exist.
again maybe not in your world but
the world is a damn big place -- you should explore it sometime.

I am not Star Jones said...

uptown steve...
it seems to bring out the five year old in you that i'm not angry and bitter about my dating life, doesn't it?

ha.

leave uptown -- it's a big world -- you should check it out sometime.

TTFN!

Anonymous said...

I was married for 22 years to a WM. I am a WF. My x cheated on me with many BFs over the years and married the last one. The woman he married has never dated BMs (according to my X and mutual friends, including another WM friend of mine she hit on).

I wonder how the second marriage-IR-stats stack up.

uptownsteve said...

IANSJ

"it seems to bring out the five year old in you that i'm not angry and bitter about my dating life, doesn't it?"

You seem to think I give a rat's ass about your dating life.

You do seem to protest too much though.

Anonymous said...

AB, "i bet mike j and charles b are the only bros in tiger's life"

I agree. Birds of the same feathers flock together. That's usually the case with anybody.

Let's face it. At their level of life, financially and personally, bw are not in the cards.

grinder said...

At white gay clubs, when too many blacks start showing up, the music format is changed to country and western.

ROTFLAMO!! I'm not sure what's funnier, the idea itself or the fact that you would believe it!

grinder said...

Tell that to all the white women who have been disowned by their families for marrying black men.

This would come as welcome news to a whole lot of black people, no?

I am not Star Jones said...

Uptown Steve..
now who's angry and bitter?

smooches!

Johanna said...

Black men have been known to be violent against White men who date Black females as well - there are two cases that come to my mind.

One in New York where a gang of Black men attacked a White guy who was dating a Black female to the point he was hospitalized.

Second, the murder of an interracial couple - Black female and White male - where racial slurs were found in the home and the couple was tortured.

So this idea that Black men are okay with Black females dating out may not be true across the board.

As I said before, Black males and females are free to date out. Do so and stop complaining about interracial relationships. Get on with your lives.

And, as I said before, in England, Black women marry out almost as much as Black men. Don't know why this is so different in the US. Black American women should get out there and date more - don't stick to Black men. Find yourself a good man - period.

uptownsteve said...

"ROTFLAMO!! I'm not sure what's funnier, the idea itself or the fact that you would believe it!"

Read for yourself Tinkerbell...

"For 16 years, it has served as a sanctuary for a small community of black gays and lesbians who say they feel shunned from all directions -- by black men and women who give them cutting looks of disapproval, by mainstream black ministers who condemn homosexuality, and by white gays who make them feel unwelcome in subtle ways, such as switching from hip-hop to country music in a club when too many black men hit the dance floor."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/25/AR2009072501665.html

alicia banks said...

assnon:

quote me you liar

alicia banks said...

grinder:

your reading comprehension is abysmal

i am clearly saying that there ARE many other racial unions that are dismissed beacuse they do not include whites

____

uts

MANY bf celebs have wm spouses

paula patton
alfre woodard
louisa teish
diana ross
lena horne
robin givens
kerry washington


many wm celebs have bf spouses

george lucas
chris noth
robin thicke
robert deniro
boris becker
roger ebert

many more

Anonymous 57 said...

"but uptown steve...
what about the white women who haven't been disowned for marrying a black man?"

@I am not Star Jones
I don't know how old UPS is but if he's 40 plus he may be very familiar with the scenario of white women being rejected by their families and other white people for marrying a black man.

I am 57 years old and I TOTALLY agree with UPS. I realize that the situation may have changed for people in their 20s and maybe even 30s but I distinctly recall divorced white women who had biracial children being considered UNFIT for dating/marriage by "respectable" white men. A white man wouldn't even say 'hi' to a white woman with a biracial child. This was the 1970s and 1980s. I clearly remember that. It may be different now.

alicia banks said...

grinder:

i know many black gays who boycott white gay clubs/racist wm gay doormen etc

http://www.colorq.org/Articles/article.aspx?d=2000&x=gayracism

http://webspace.webring.com/people/rm/monicasass/GAY-RACISM.htm

racist gays are even more racist than hets...they need to stand atop black gay others to be as tall as white homohaters

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 57,

It ain't the 1980s anymore.

Anonymous 57 said...

@grinder
I am a black gay man and I have been discriminated against in white gay/white lesbian establishments over the years. Many white gays and lesbians are VERY racist.

alicia banks said...

uts

visit any high school or college

you will find many young women enjoying wms

venus williams and naomi campbell often dates wms too

and hispanic males

janet jackson married a latino

she is currently dating colin ferguson after having dumped the bm troll jermaine dupri

camille winbush
is also dating a latino

MOST young bfs date a rainbow

uptownsteve said...

"many wm celebs have bf spouses

george lucas
chris noth
robin thicke
robert deniro
boris becker
roger ebert

many more"

And who the heck is Louisa Teish?

Not too many more.

David Bowie?

Who else?

alicia banks said...

not boris becker

another foreign tennis star

i cannot recall his name now
??

alicia banks said...

here is a great denzel w sleeper
re bm and an east indian female union

http://www.amazon.com/Mississippi-Masala-Denzel-Washington/dp/B00008WJEY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1260817743&sr=8-1-spell

and here is one re how young bf are dating wm in droves

http://www.amazon.com/Something-New-Widescreen-Sanaa-Lathan/dp/B000F3UA5C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1260817760&sr=1-1

i have a 32 yr old close friend..bf het..she just wed a very cool wm 3 yrs ago...they have a son and they are very happy

she also adopted his wf son by his 1st wf wife

she dated the rainbow... she just chose the one man she loved most/who loved her best and he happened to be a wm one

alicia banks said...

uts

again
you ask for proof
then deny it

further evidence of your generic ineptitude at real debate

i spelled her name wrong
luisah tesh is a renowned black female author
mystical and afrocentric etc

ie
http://www.amazon.com/Jambalaya-Natural-Personal-Practical-Rituals/dp/0062508598/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260817931&sr=1-1

she is married to a wm who looks like santa claus

___

also comedienne aisha tyler is also wed to a wm

alicia banks said...

uts

do not forget halle berry
ONLY after being dogged by serial black men/bm hubbies

see more proof here

http://photos.essence.com/galleries/color_blind_celebrities_in_interracial_relationships

alicia banks said...

uts:

also

garcelle beauvais has a wm hubby

and

justin chambers has a bf wife

ETC!

Sassy J said...

@Anon97 1:00am-- Thank you.

alicia banks said...

uts:

you are also demonstrating another double standard

ONLY black men seem to reject black women and then ENCOURAGE that others do/lie about doing the same

these are the same bros that make so many bfs use skin bleach/blonde hair dye etc just to gain their euro attn

shame!!!

http://74.125.47.132/search?q=cache:zr7WkmQIkNgJ:aliciabanks.vox.com/library/posts/2009/11/+vox+alicia+banks+don%27t+play+in+the+dark&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us

grinder said...

Read for yourself Tinkerbell.

One by one, the commenters here reveal their homophobia. This is fun!

alicia banks said...

here is another great film where sam jackson channels uts in denial about interracial unions

http://www.amazon.com/Lakeview-Terrace-Samuel-L-Jackson/dp/B001JV5AZE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1260818985&sr=8-1

uptownsteve said...

AB

You named 5 or 6 wm celebrities married to bw.

I think you'll find more bm married to wm on the Los Angeles Lakers!!!

Look I'm not saying it doesn't happen.

Heck I would like to see more of it.

But face it, you and "I'm Not Star Jones" are just blowing smoke.

It doesn't happen that often and I've been throughly integrated with white males all my life.

Went to a throughly integrated magnet public school.

In college. In the military.

In corporate America.

Most white guys don't even look at black women. Wouldn't consider going out with them.

I'm not making a value judgement.

I'm just telling you that's the way it is.

White guys look at white women as the gold standard.

I've even seen several Asian and Indian females throwing themselves at white boys only to get talked about and have their reputations tarnished.

"do not forget halle berry
ONLY after being dogged by serial black men/bm hubbies"

Puh-leeze.

Halle Berry's problem is that she's into male bimbos.

David Justice? Eric Benet?

Don't be surprised if her white hubby (male fashion model)ends up cheating on her as well.

uptownsteve said...

grinder,

"One by one, the commenters here reveal their homophobia."

Encouraged by your arrogant racism.

alicia banks said...

uts:

again

you are dodging the issue

how many of those same wm you claim had no interest in bfs adore halle/black strip clubs/janet jackson etc?

they ALL sweat us!

but most do not wed and breed with us!

unlike you bros who MOSTLY sweat and wed them and give them all of yuor millions etc

ONLY a moron like you would demand a precise ct

ONLY a sexist like you would deny that the tigers and ojs will always outnumber bfs who wed osd of their race...

ONLY an elder in denial like you would deny that young bfs are a new breed with new lives/mores

Anonymous said...

UTS,

The Prince of Liechtenstein is married to a black woman. Peter Norton, of Norton anti-virus fame is married to a black woman. Carlos Santana was married to a black woman for years. Sean Penn is dating Jessica White. Mark Ecko, of Ecko clothing fame is married to a black woman. John Voight and Diana Ross. Wolfgang Puck is married to a black woman. Alex Wek is married to a famous architect. Former Sec. of Defense William Cohen is married to a black woman. Matt Stone, co-creator of South Park is married to a black woman. The actor Rick Gonzalez is engaged to a black woman. Actor Garrette Dillihunt, (No Country for Old men) is married to a black woman. Actor Luke Goss (won a British award for best newcomer) is married to a black woman. Famous punk singer Iggy Pop has lived with a black woman for years. Rapper Paul
Wall is married to a black woman.

alicia banks said...

uts:

many wm do prefer to marry emaciated women

ie

maria shriver became a skeleton when she wed

so did posh spice

shame

MANY wf wed/date bm so they can eat food!

alicia banks said...

anon:

thanks!

ditto!!!

it is becoming a universal norm

especially as the world becomes smaller and browner...

alicia banks said...

uts re halle:

i adore eric benet and david justice

they may be whores
but they are not bimbos

halle aslo dated
micheal ealy
and
shemar more
and
chris williams

all are great bm

and

wesley snipes beat the hearing out of halle's left ear
and he is renowned as an intellectual

grinder said...

Encouraged by your arrogant racism.

Doesn't work like that. If I'm a racist, I'm a racist. If you're a homophobe (like three-quarters of blacks) then you're a homophobe.

Stacks said...

This is ridiculous.

There is no way you will convince me or anybody else that white supremacist societies prefer to see black men bedding white women.

It's still a red flag. The white men still hate bm/ww relationships regardless of the so-called "post-racial".

tru for the most part Uts.
But you must look at the socioeconomic aspect of it, millionaires,athletes and such are far more beneficial to whites who have millions at stake with these Black professionals. In these rare albeit many cases of professional Black males dating and marrying ww, they, in most cases recieve a temporary pass from whites because their socioeconomic status trumps their Blackness at the moment. In most cases, when their (bm) time is up, in other words, when the corporation makes enough off of them, they will be reduced to the diseased pizzle they think of us as. For every Black professional that leaves Blackness they not only eventually destroy themselves, they destroy a whole generation (father/son, daughter, spouse (baby mama), it destroys the family by creating a downward spiral of failures and lowered expectations. The absense of a father and husband/mate makes the family unit weak, not to mention it makes the child's mother look easy or cheap in the eyes of society.
I have watched programs where the victims of horrific crimes will actually talk candidly about the perpetrator as if they couldn't understand why they would do such a thing. Whites as a direct given, will not contribute to degradation of their race in any way shape or form. Let the same white crime victim been victimized by a Black perp, and you will get a completely different story.

If we don't love each other, who the fuck will?

Laincog...

I feel you, your comments were deep.
Everything you said is precisely why I am the man I am today, and I try my best to exibit it through my children. I have a 2 yo daughter, and that's my heart right there. I always make it a point to show her how a woman is supposed to be treated through examples day to day interacting with my wife.
Lainc, you got a real warrior spirit. Keep fighting the good fight sis. The Black community needs more freedom fighters and positive role models, ie ourselves to raise these kids right.We are our children's favorite and best role models.

AB- I know we haven't agreed in the past, but I have read your posts here, and I agree and respect your pov on the topics today.I'm a het BM married to a professional BW, but I have dealt with hatred and psychological warfare to know the hurt of being a black male in amerikkka.
I may not understand your fight, but I respect you.

Actually, all the women here brought alot of jewels to the table.
At least it's feels good to be Black on FN's blog.

Stacks said...

PS- That last line was for sarcasm purposes only. I LOVE being Black every day of the year.

alicia banks said...

stacks

thanks!

your wife is a blessed queen to love a king like you

it is cool to agree to disagree always

and i adore regal bros like you

ALL bw need you and we thank you

respect and love,
ab

grinder said...

Most white guys don't even look at black women. Wouldn't consider going out with them.

I'm not making a value judgement.

I'm just telling you that's the way it is.


This ought to please you and most people here no end, since you hate and fear white people and hate any blacks who have a sexual relationship with one.

It's part amusing, part appalling, and part scary, but "that's the way it is."

alicia banks said...

uts:

ps:

after wesley beat the hell out of halle

he called her a "mixed nut"

then he wed an asian

and hypocritically created his own "mixed nuts"

fyi

uptownsteve said...

"If I'm a racist, I'm a racist."

Well you're certainly that.

"If you're a homophobe (like three-quarters of blacks) then you're a homophobe."

3/4 of blacks eh?

How many white churches have openly gay choir directors in them?

MANY black churches do.

And what about black gays themselves?

I read somewhere that 1 out of every 6 black men are gay.

They homophobes too?

Face it grinder, you just hate and fear niggas and look for any reason to justify it.

grinder said...

Face it grinder, you just hate and fear niggas and look for any reason to justify it.

So now you're calling yourself a nigga too? I'd say your fear 'n loathing is universal.

Anonymous said...

AB -- uts:

many wm do prefer to marry emaciated women

ie

maria shriver became a skeleton when she wed

so did posh spice

What stupid, untrue, and pointless comments!

Anonymous said...

grinder, "I'd love to see what this blog and its commenters would have to say if white people threatened to boycott other whites who married non-whites."

Love is mutual, no one can threaten or force someone to love them. But many bw try to do just that. They threaten and try to frighten bm into loving them. It’s like trying to take someone hostage for love. It is a sign of very low self-worth and low self-esteem, which is not very attractive to ANY man.

Field claims that he never knew things were so bad between bm and bw-guess he’s been too focused on white racism. 'Some' bw comments over the past years on this blog towards bm has been of the blaming denigrating emasculating type. What bm, GOOD OR BAD- would want that? You have to real desperate for that kind of woman, which seems to be the type on the sites FN referred to.

alicia banks said...

assnon:

your denial will never protect you from the truth

ask jessica simpson who is beautiful yet abused by wms every time she gains 10 lbs!!!

even obama caught hell for joining in and fat bashing jessica

http://newsbusters.org/blogs/warner-todd-huston/2009/02/02/nbc-obama-calls-singer-jessica-simpson-fat

re posh and shriver

photos are worth 1000s of words

http://images.popsugar.com/uploads12/posh-6.15.jpg

http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/maria-shriver-the-fulfillment-fund-stars-2006-benefit-gala-in-honor-of-tom-rothman-arrivals-09FNU2.jpg

grinder said...

I find it really fascinating that as the barriers to interracial sex have reduced among whites in recent decades, the black population seems to grow only more paranoid and dysfunctional about it. Very strange.

alicia banks said...

assnon:

also ask any tween/teen teacher about body images of wfs anf wms

anorexia and bulimia are FAR less rare among black youth

grinder said...

I find it really fascinating that as the barriers to interracial sex have reduced among whites in recent decades, the black population seems to grow only more paranoid and dysfunctional about it. Very strange.

At least on this blog, I should say. As with many things, I'm not sure how representative comments here are of black people in general.

Anonymous said...

Sistas who are dating out or who married out: Tracy Edmonds, Venus Williams, Rae Dong Chong, Alfre Woodard, Miss USA 2008 is married to a white guy; Holly Robinson, Sanaa Lathan, Lisa Bonet, Golden, Joy Bryant, Garcelle Beauvais, Tyra Banks, Denyce Graves, Elaine Griffin, Kerry Washington; Alice Walker was the first legally interracially married black woman in Mississippi, Kelly and Michelle from Destiny's Child, Keasha Sharp, Lil Kim, Eve, Namoi Campbell, Lynn Whitfield, Nell Carter, Whoopi Goldberg, Chaka Khan, Victoria's Secret model Oluchi Onweagba, Paula Patton, Robin Givens, Lena Horne, Tina Turner, Thandie Newton, Stacy Dash, Rosario Dawson,

alicia banks said...

grinder:

black people have a host of comlex and valid reasons to be paranoid about the death of the black family

see:
prison industrial comples
drug usage
music video images
poverty stats
male v. female college students
elder prof black women who may never wed
etc

what you see as a surface issue is deeply rooted and sympotmatic of diverse racial wounds

grinder said...

what you see as a surface issue is deeply rooted and sympotmatic of diverse racial wounds

I don't see it as a surface issue at all. I think it goes way deep, and it fascinates me.

uptownsteve said...

"This ought to please you and most people here no end, since you hate and fear white people and hate any blacks who have a sexual relationship with one."

That's interesting because my youngest brother is married to a white woman.

Her family has had very little contact with her in the 12 years they've been married.

And I'm godfather to their oldest daughter.

Anonymous said...

Most of the black men that I know entered this world through the womb of a black woman. NOW what that woman did with that male baby may shed some light on the "Boycott Black Men" sister's complaint. Unfortunately black men do not birth and raise black male children. Blaming young black men for their irresponsible behavior is simply blaming the victim.

Field, every wedding between two mature responsible AA adults that I have attended, has always included fathers, mothers and brothers and sisters of the couple, demonstrating STRONG FAMILY support for these individuals as they stand before the Altar.

Redundant as he is, Tyler Perry has it right. Strong family ties create strong stable people who bring a high degree of potential success and survivability to their relationships. I guess that this is what a lot of sisters are looking for, but the real question is are they looking in the right places?

uptownsteve said...

"I find it really fascinating that as the barriers to interracial sex have reduced among whites in recent decades, the black population seems to grow only more paranoid and dysfunctional about it."

Utter bull$hit.

Black people have always been more accepting and welcoming of interracial relationships than whites.

alicia banks said...

grinder:

then perhaps you should not be so quick to slander us all herein then

ie
you are witnessing black passion rather than black paranoia

you should read hill harpers book

he and his peers fret over the death of black families

it is a legit fear

and that is why he penned his instantly classic tome

Anonymous said...

You said many white men prefer to marry emaciated white women.

Seems to me this thread isn't about what white men prefer about white women. And that's a gross generalization and your opinion--not a fact.

Seems to me many black women are also too thin--regardless of who their partners are.

Of course, not you.

alicia banks said...

uts:

that acceptance comes from most blacks feeling that white blood IMPROVES their lineage/looks

and most whites feeling that black blood/looks degrade them

due to sexism and racism

a bf is never considered a trophy

a wf usually is

grinder said...

you are witnessing black passion rather than black paranoia

Passionate paranoia, I'd say. At least here. I suppose I can partly sympathize kinda-sorta, but frankly not very much. No one can demand that someone else be hot for them. Doesn't work that way.

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