I had this friend once who wasn't the best looking guy in the world, but I swear he always had the most gorgeous women on his arms. When I finally asked him how he did it, he told me something that I will never forget: Field, he said, it's all about timing.
With women your timing always has to be right. You have to know what to say at the right time; when to call at the right time; and when the time is just right for that other thing. Life is all about timing.
So I was thinking about that dude when I saw the latest cover of Golf Digest Magazine. Clearly they don't get the concept of proper "timing" over there.
I am not a big conspiracy guy, but I couldn't blame the Obamaholics if they cry set up from "the man" on this one. I mean are you kidding me? Poor O man can't buy a break. Just being in a picture with Tiger these days has got to be toxic. I bet they saw that pic at the White House and said, NOOOOOO! And how about the heading:? "10 TIPS OBAMA CAN TAKE FROM TIGER". Ahhh no thanks Tiger, I think his O ness will pass on those tips right about now. Maybe later.
Oh field stop it, the Magazine went to press and they couldn't stop it. There is no conspiracy here to sell magazines or to make the president look bad. What did you want them to do, stop the presses and shoot an entirely different cover?
Well yes; that is exactly what I expected them to do. Of course....on second thought, maybe not. I think, in retrospect, I expected them to do exactly what they did.
*Pic courtesy of Sports Pros(e)
73 comments:
Typical(roll eyes)!!!!
Oh field stop it, the Magazine went to press and they couldn't stop it. There is no conspiracy here to sell magazines or to make the president look bad. What did you want them to do, stop the presses and shoot an entirely different cover?
Stopping the presses = loads of money lost. With magazines doing so horribly (exactly how much is that subscription anyways? $10/year? $8?), I doubt they could afford the costs of reissuing a cover in response to Tiger's current....."issues".
Who typesets anymore? that cover could be changed in an hour.
White Folks! They will not stop will they???...laawd I thought I was gonna get me a holiday break from whitefolk trainin'...but I see it's still game on!
Stay busy, keep movin', and keep trainin' YOUR white folks! Peace.
~agape2010~
You know Field, I'm wondering if I should be more worried about what on earth those tips could be.
This entire Tigger thing is getting on my nerves.
Another thing, Tiger does good, he's caublasian so blacks can't take pride in him.... Tiger does bad, he then becomes black. wtf?
Field, I'm also annoyed with some of you black men over this Tiger crap.
Tiger also didn't want his reputation to be tarnished by associating himself with the black man. When he was on top of the world rubbing elbows with white society, they too agreed. Now that white society says he's a mindless sex crazed mandingo, some of you black men willingly accept it, and readily associate yourselves with him as if he's really a black man.
All he's doing is adding more negativity and tarnishing to the reputation of the black man. Why don't you black men hurry reject his ass already?
Why change the cover? That issue is going to sell out!
Man this is funny. Are you serious? This is real? I thought this was another artmaggot specialty.
Oh I'm dying laughing at this.
Nice joke Field; no seriously, the jig is up, bro. This one can't be real.
"This is real? I thought this was another artmaggot specialty.."
LOL. I know, it crossed my mind too. btw, no offense Rippa, but I sometimes think both you and Artmaggot need Geesus :)
Hahahahahahaha, I can't stop laughing. This cover is soooo too much. Of course they did it on purpose. This is the week, day Obama is to get a Nobel prize; "let's cut him down to someone who takes tips from a golfer, after all they have so much in common, I mean they're both Black, mostly, and they are both, uhhhh, well they are both Black, that's enough."
They must of been just pissing themselves with joy at the Tiger implosion. Of such stuff the simple folks are amused.
But this may be a good diversion for the simple minded. The more time spent obsessing over this the less time for causing mischief over HCR, fighting climate change and regulating the financial demons.
Ya' might as well laugh and enjoy it. It will piss them off more than any other reaction we had.
I would propose a caption contest, like, what is Tiger saying to the O'man?
My entry: Check out the knockers on the beer girl.
Appropriately enough, the word verification is "leching"
I guess I'm clueless for sure.
I tuned in hoping to hear Field's take on the O man's speech in Oslo, Norway and I have to read another GOLFING story.
Is this for real?
Field you and Mrs. Field deserve a vacation on Maui for the holiday. Take some time off and come on over.
Makaii
Heh, I just about died when I saw that. CNN was reporting that Tiger never used condoms. Epic Fail.
Got my copy last weekend, and groaned. Haven't finished the article yet. Part B is what tips Tiger could take from the O man.
But why be surprised? American business and morality or "do the right thing" are all but mutually exclusive. Money always trumps morality. Golf Digest will make a lot of money with this one.
Though the crime is different, this seems to be a repeat of OJ? I suppose that question has already be discused here, as I haven't read all the comments on recent posts. White America is only happy when black "heroes" are apolitical, non-committal in race issues. And once you do wrong to one of the blond, blue-eyed princesses--native or imported, you gotta pay. A black Mrs. Tiger wouldn't have mattered.
But once again, as previously mentioned,the black community will will be refuge for one disinclined to embrace it before trouble.
Perhaps Mr. Woods could use some tips from the nobel laureate after all.
Brother Field...same ole technique or is it just my imagination- but do the picture on the Golf Magazine show both Brothers- Tiger and O- with the dark sinister eyes? I know one thing is that no magazine only makes one cover. especially taken in the sun. Maybe someone should have said "that picture of Mr. Woods has a devious look, with his present honesty in question". As far as Bro. Tiger being "given back" we should start a list of other Black males that have been given back. This suggestion is only done to make light of how "our perception" of who we own or who is with us. During my youth we -(MY INNER GROUP)- felt George Foreman was with 'the man'. When it was discovered he had 7-10 kids out of wedlock; poor George was given back to us. By the way he was not taken back and "by George" look at him now. On the way to the bank.
The #1 tip President Obama can take from Tiger is, DON'T CHEAT.
All I can say is what a bunch of 'azz holes'they are. Field I was going to send you the link to a tape of one of the gals bragging about sleeping with tiger way ahead of the crap hitting the fan. This is what made my day. She described him as the "whitest Black guy she'd evert met". It's 24 hrs later and I'm still LMAO.
Hmmmm, "whitest Black guy she'd ever met?"
Does that mean he was a dud in bed?
Just kidding all you white guys, but seriously, you might want to think about your "technique." :-)
Re no condoms: he must have been a very devout catholic.
Tiger is suing to keep nude pictures and/or pictures of his private parts from getting out. lol
Apparently the pictures were taken per cell phone. This guy is a fool. Why would black people, and black men in particular, want him to "come back".
I'm a black man and I'm actually enjoying seeing him dragged through the mud. I don't want him to "come back". Let the self-described "Cablanasian" twist in the wind.
"Re no condoms: he must have been a very devout catholic."
His wife needs to get herself checked out for STDs. Tiger is a creep.
Makaii, I might take you up on that next year. I am feeling that Young Jeezy song right about now.
I will be taking a passport needed vacation in a couple of weeks. Not as beautiful as your spot, but close. :)
"Who typesets anymore? that cover could be changed in an hour."
Hathor, that's what I thought. Maybe someone in that business can tell us how it works. I don't want to assume.
Doc L, thanks for backing up the pic so the folks will know that it's not a photoshop job.
Sam D, I bet they are laughing all the way to the bank with this one. Someone up thread said it's partly about money, and I suspect tha they are right. With a hint of some other stuff of course.
" Tiger also didn't want his reputation to be tarnished by associating himself with the black man. When he was on top of the world rubbing elbows with white society, they too agreed. Now that white society says he's a mindless sex crazed mandingo, some of you black men willingly accept it, and readily associate yourselves with him as if he's really a black man.
All he's doing is adding more negativity and tarnishing to the reputation of the black man. Why don't you black men hurry reject his ass already?"
Well...not exactly. He was boyz with Jordon and Barkley. But honestly La~Incognita, I never considered Tiger a "black man". Just saying.
Filled Negro:
I have chosen to reach out to you at the level which you stand and congratulate you for not finding some Republican working for the magazine who was responsible for dropping the dime on Tiger to his wife just in time to make for an all-time record number of sales of the January edition of magazine.
Keep up the good work.
FUCK FIELD, Let this Tiger shit go man. It's gettin fuckin old.
Okay, this is sad, but it brings up some good points. It makes my heart hurt to read it.
FN
As of today, I no longer will read your blog. I am a black gay male and despise the word queer, as I know AB does as well. It would be like a white dude saying hey nigga whasup...just cause a "black person" gave him permission. So not cool. You try to crack a joke in response to G's comment. Field, doens't that make you a hypocrite? And that makes me sad. I don't know if you have ever felt betrayed by someone you had respect for, it doesn't feel good. It hurts. And I feel kinda betrayed. Other folks have posted about your double standards, and I have never subscribed to them. I have alway given you full support man. You may "be cool with the gays" but your words are not cool. Again, align it to nigger. The black community does not like us kinda folks. I was released from my duties and "kicked" out of my church when I came out. The word "queer" was spray painted all over my house by my church members I suspect. The word queer perpetrates hate as does nigger. And you would not want a someone who was not black calling you a nigger. Just saying. Gonna keep this one anonymous man. Good luck to you and yours.
"All he's doing is adding more negativity and tarnishing to the reputation of the black man. Why don't you black men hurry reject his ass already?"
I disagree.
Tiger did what rich celebrities do.
Eliot Spitzer, Marv Albert, Kobe Bryant, Rob Lowe, Hugh Grant, the list goes on forever.
Most of the guys I know are jealous.
Field,
Do not leave me hanging:
What are the Tips that our President can take from Tiger (or "Cheetah" as he is now being called)?
Oh and Sam:
"Just kidding all you white guys, but seriously, you might want to think about your "technique." :-)"
That hurt, man!
Peace,
Adam
[quote] I don't know if you have ever felt betrayed by someone you had respect for, it doesn't feel good. It hurts. [/quote]
Tasha - your first mistake was to bestow respect upon Filled Negro. He is a rogue character.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Why does everybody gotta start comparing Tiger and O-man? Make me wanna holla.
If Field won't do it, I will: the guys who head Golf Digest are Republican if not trying to appeal to White conservatives. Happy Constructive?
Anyway, back to reality, the magizine people that knew what they were doing are probably HOPING this gets wings because it will mean a lot of free advertising along with people trying to get a copy of a controversial issue of a magizine. Seems sometimes like you just can't win. Either you let it go and let them disrespect you, or fight it and make it even more successful. Of course there is the method of getting advertisers to pull their support...
tiger is a nasty joke
but obama is a global joker
i have never been a fan of either
but
tiger says he is retiring to keep elin
how can she EVER trust him again no matter what he quits???
volumes trump gestures!
so this cover will be worth cash
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/breakingnews/os-tiger-woods-give-up-golf-20091211,0,6638661.story
___
tasha:
ditto
thank you for your empathy
terry mcmillan was enraged when she found that her dl husband played her to escape the bloody horrors that gays endure in jamaica
she said many things about him/to him that wounded some gays...
i adore tm and understood her curses..i was never mad at her!
and
i am not mad at fn...
i know that terri m and fn are not gaybashers...
i love fn
and i hope anon stays
Field
let go of tiger and get serious!
They are going to cut medicare and
add 6 million more to it!
Don't add up to no quality care.
hospitals and doctors have to lower cost,yet no tort? don't ad up!choice you don't have insurance
and get good health care or you have insurance and get rationed
health care! By the way,ever hear
of the asian butterfly? White boys
don't tell you about that techique!
tell AB it's all in the tongue
aka (tongue and groove):-p.
gwb:
i am certain that i could teach you and tiger some skills...
nothing lends expertise like owning/KNOWing the items you master...
tiger could also benefit from some lessons on electronic footprints/racial pride/true love/fidelity/class/morality/condoms/discretion...
Man i have been missing some good stuff. I have been reading some of the previous post, and could kick myself for missing all that good action.
As to the post yep it was deliberate.Majority of the Golf Clubs in America are of the rich,conservative elite. I am assuming but i would think one would be hard pressed to find a person in these Golf Clubs, majority white btw, who voted for Obama. Golf Digest is not stupid they know that these types would simply relish the irony of the situation.Hell the issue might become a collectors edition.
@ Field
I absolutely cosign with you. I stopped considering Tiger to be "black" when he stated he was not "black" but "caublasian". As far as i am concerned that is just another "white" dude.
La InCognita said:
All he's doing is adding more negativity and tarnishing to the reputation of the black man. Why don't you black men hurry reject his ass already?
Real black men don't tear down other black men..that is house negro behavior. What you should focus on is that there are no black people "having his back". Remember when stuff went down with Kobe how black men came out and "had his back", and that was a "rape" allegation. Notice you don't see the same thing with Tiger? That proves that to black men( and some black people) the fall of Tiger is not a "black issue". the white media on the other hand just don't get that.
jc:
ditto
kobe is no more black than tiger in my book though and kobe is equally apolitical
and
i think if 10 white girls had claimed that kobe raped them fewer bros would have had kobe's back...
but
bros do love basketball more than golf so that helped kobe too...
@ tasha
I am kinda confused by anons comment i have seen Gay pride parades where they chant "We are Here, We are Queer,Get used to it"
For sure i know the only word which gay people don't tolerate is the F word ,"faggot".
Again very confused, some other things also but i think i will retrain myself from commenting further.
There is a unique double standard at play. Golf is still a sport largely dominated by white people. There are still many, many exclusive "whites-only" country clubs built around golf. These have long been places were business deals are cut and alliances are formed. For decades people of color have been excluded. Tiger threatened that... from all of this "mess" I learned about his involvement in depressed communities and his efforts to bring golf to disenfranchised people.
Numerous sports figures have had affairs, womanized and quickly returned to the limelight (Magic Johnson comes to mind). But there were not many white women who came forward in Magic's case and he was married to a black woman.
But the scrutiny that Tiger Woods faces, in my opinion, comes largely because white America feels betrayed and threatened. And as a result, they are revoking his pass. Same thing happened to Micheal Jackson when he was accused of sleeping with little white boys, etc. The same thing happened to Jack Johnson when he traveled the country with a white woman. We have a black president, but America has a long way to go.
Keep blogging on this issue Field. I think we have only scratched the surface.
AB said
i think if 10 white girls had claimed that kobe raped them fewer bros would have had kobe's back...
Good point you are right on that one.
jc:
i am deeply offended by those shirts and any use of the word queer...
i am equally offended by black kids who call each other nigger in mixed co/when i am present too
both words are always slurs to me...
AB:
cosign with the nigger word usage . But there is a show called Queer Eye for the straight guy with Gays has the stars. I know of one gay that love the show. And again the illustration of the chants at some gay pride parades.
So my confusion of the comment stems from those circumstances.
jc:
many gays embrace the word queer the same way that many young blacks embrace nigger...
but most gays do not
some black gays also hate the word "gay" as they reject gay racists
they prefer the term "sgl = same gender loving"
we gays are as divese as hets
we are no monolith
to each their own
jc:
many blacks are offended by "african-american/negro"
again
we gays have all the same nuances/prefernces/issues with the politics of labels that all other humans too
i know mexicans who heatedly debate "latino/a v. hispanic" etc...
Homeless man had affair with Tiger Woods!
jc:
you cannot judge millions per by the title of one white gay male tv show
ie
i have lived in red states for decades where colorism is still rabid to date
i know many blacks who hate being called "black" here
they prefer "brown/redbone" etc
i hate that
but it happens routinely
i dont buy golf, but i will pick up this one. too funny
"Real black men don't tear down other black men..that is house negro behavior. What you should focus on is that there are no black people "having his back"you should focus on is that there are no black people "having his back""
John Crow, please get serious. Tiger blatantly denounced his identity, The man said openly loud and clear that he is not black. Why are some of you black people acting deaf, dumb, desperate and gluten for more spit in your face? He insulted hundreds of thousands of black people who HAD his back and wanted to take pride along with him and his accomplishments. News flash is a bitch. Was Tiger so concerned about field negros or house negros having his back when he was on top of the world claiming to be a fucking rainbow?
I have stated my feelings and predictions about Tiger over a year ago on this very blog, I knew this day was coming. And personally, I never supported Kobe or any of the other "black" athletic playboy wannabes either. Now, I'm patiently waiting for that Tim Duncan.
Furthermore, your views are tinted because of your own biracial heritage. TIger didn't insult you. So save the "one love" bullshit for someone else who's not familiar with biracial apologists. To hell with Tiger, he effed over black people and little black children when he made his decision a long time ago. Quid pro quo.
And for those who might be offended... "who deh cap fit".
Furthermore, your views are tinted because of your own biracial heritage.
Yeah, but are his windows tinted?
Wasn't this post about the President?
These days, it seems Barack takes about as much flack as Tiger.
Why won't hathorhag get a life. I hate golf, don't care about Tiger, Barack or what they call themself, who cares.
@ Sam D re: catholics and condoms you need to quit. :-)
anon 2:49,
your life tracking mine? pathetic!
anon 2:49,
your life tracking mine? pathetic!
No but you always telling everybody on the blog what to blog about.
Another football player has been accused of abusing his girlfRiend and pouring bleach over her and his son. Let's worry about that rather than who Tiger is f--k---
anon3:19,
really! Always! how many comments have you actually read of mime.
Just what bothers you really? Is it my age and you think I have no right to speak. otherwise why should you care to call me a hag. Sounds familiar as if you are channeling another commenter on this blog or are you the same person.
gf:
violent relos are escalating all over...celebs only expose what most others are doing...tiger too
teachers can testify that high school girls/tweens are being abused daily...
it is very clear that rihanna is still in love with chris brown...but i admire her as she said "i had to leave him for all of the other beaten girls who see me as a role model...i will not have their blood on my hands"
she sacrificed her heart for her soul/their souls
____
but...smile
some here suggested that tiger should have used pros...well...he did that also
fyi:
http://www.nationalenquirer.com/tiger_woods_prostitutes_threeway_kinky_sex/celebrity/67821
i know that some celebs do not actually use the products they hawk..
if tiger did really drink gatorade though, i am sure their sales will now soar higher than viagra!...no other ads are necessary as long as his stable keeps braying such rave reviews!
AB
let me buy a bottle of good wine and a steak and I'll sit back and learn master!
;-))
"As of today, I no longer will read your blog. I am a black gay male and despise the word queer, as I know AB does as well. It would be like a white dude saying hey nigga whasup...just cause a "black person" gave him permission. So not cool."
Tasha,we will miss you.
George F, I think you refer to one Mr. Suggs. If what he is being accused of is true,he gives new meaning to the word scum. But don't worry, the NFL will circle the wagons and protect him. Can't have that brand tarnished by one bad apple. There are billions of dollars at stake.
MSNBC says that Tiger's website just reported that he's taking an indefinite break from golf. Stay tuned!!!
Ok... I will add my 2 cents on the use of the word "queer."... I consider myself queer and there is an entire "queer politics" within the lgbt community. Those of us who have adopted this moniker do so because we see it as a political statement to our identities. Within the lgbt community there is as diverse politics as there is within the straight. Queer politics embraces the radical elements...we are the ones that have insisted on trans rights, something the entire lgbt community has not necisarily done. We often insist that our analysis of issues not just been seen through the lens of wanting to "fit in" but in wanting to challenge the fundamental assumptions of our social constructs, ie... race, class,gender, economics.... we challenge the image in mainstream media that gay people are "white males" and challenge within the lgbt the organizing that promotes this image (and there are those that want to promote the non-threatening, white, upper middle class as 'who we are'.) I absolutely reject the analogy of "queer" as being analogous to "nigger".... Fag on the other hand.. comes closer for me.... "Queer" becomes a slur when used by straight folks to invoke hatred and harm... but I have heard the slur fag, bull dyke, and bitch being thrown far more often in a deragatory way than "queer."
Let me be clear, I do not claim this perspective for all gay people. I do not agree with anyone that says they are speaking for all gay people, because they cannot possibly do so... I do claim it for myself.
Field,
the actual cover isn't as dark as what the posting of it here inevitably makes it. But it's pretty obvious that it was photo-shopped. As much as both would like it, the two haven't hit the links together as far as I know.
It appears as if it is an actual photo of Tiger and his caddy Steve standing over him. The article has the mirror image also, with Tiger in the caddy position. It is a series of brief essays from about sixteen folk in the golf and news worlds surmising on what each would/could learn from 18 holes with the other.
While I am sure golf literature is not on reading list of most commenters here, I'll list the topics for the heck of it.(I'm a hack, but love the game) I think there are enough puns--and in light of present issues--not necessarily intended:
Obama might learn from Tiger:
1.The quick recovery
2.The cold ferocity
3.How to step on their necks
4.The trouble with compromise(by Arnold Palmer).
5.The value of a few 'majors'.
6.Controlling the message-and spending.
7.The swing change.
8.Clothes the deal.
9.You've got to deliver.
10.The danger of looking ridiculous.
Tiger might learn from Obama:
1.Lighten up
2.The art of grace
3.Crush your foes, not your fans.
4.Save some for the losers.
5.Dial it back a little.
6.Less robot more warmth.
7.At least look like you're having fun.
8.Sharing a personal moment.
9.A trio of essential moves for Tiger--crossover dribble, electric slide and the cool walk.
10.Keep your day job.
I'm sure there will be comments from the White House any day now.
Field, this Cheetah Woods thing gets more like an onion everyday, stronger with more layers left to be peeled.
The timing (and the photoshop)was definitely not up to par on this one(no pun intended). Even so, why would the kountry klub klan down at GD editing and cover design decide now of all times to print Cheetah standing behind the POTUS for God sakes with his campaign logo (not an american flag, Nike check or sans logo...) in their well to do, well spoken, well known, notable negroes issue?
And who do they really think they are fooling?
That shade of black and body build is spot on Jordan...
This really is stretching and taking all to literally the whole we all look alikething...
I don't believe the POTUS really even took the time out of his busy schedule to indulge in GD's lameness and suppressed racism to even bat an eye for their magazine's photo department.
Its got to be something deeper within the psyche of the people down at GD to resort to this...
An airbrushed cover of the POTUS hoopin' with Sprewell or Woods teein' it up with Kenny Perry with the '10 tips..' headline would have done a better job at fooling people while deflecting attention from their own bigotry than this.
even in the beautyshop debates goin down about Cheetah I found myself agahst that my beautician said that they thought this isht looked 'nice'... smh.
Jody, I thank you for those comments.BTW, I haven't gotten my X-mas party invite yet.
No no Doc L, I agree with you, I think the golf Mag folks did a photoshop job. But I was trying to say that the cover itself really exists. Some folks were trying to say that there was no such cover.
BTW, I love the list. :)
"Field, this Cheetah Woods thing gets more like an onion everyday, stronger with more layers left to be peeled."
krystalx, I am afraid you might be right. 0:
Oh my dear toilers of the field, surely, you knew it was coming? I'm speaking about the tie-in of course. Everything negative must be attached to Obama. This occurred with the Letterman scandal as well. When the media spoke of Letterman's womanizing, it was always accommodated by a picture of him interviewing Obama.
Now speaking of Letterman! He got away with it. Now here's a dirty rotten scoundrel for you. He's ugly as Hell too. He'd been sexing it up for years. His harem however, was comprised of female writers. Perhaps this was smart of Letterman. If you've noticed none have come forward. Why? Well if they did, they would never be hired as a writer again. Did you also notice the silence among the comedians? They all went yellow on us. Not a hint of a joke was uttered from Stewart or Colbert.
Well, we all know what's going on here. Fear of not being invited on Letterman kept the typical comedian's mouth shut. Colbert and Stewart remained mute in hopes of inheriting Letterman's show someday. Now you see how phony these folks are- and how power really works.
Rachel Uchitel, represented by Gloria Allred, demanded a million dollars from Tiger. Why isn't this extortion? After all, Robert Halderman demanded 2 million from Letterman. Now, he has been charged with numerous felonies.
But for you Tiger and Obama, it's the same old okie-doke. In spite of what you may think of Tiger or Obama, we should always expose the media's racism.
The latest is that he is taking an "indefinite leave" from golf. I knew it was coming--he is really retiring, I think...He is not going to want to play for a long time, or if ever again...Let's watch the endorsements dry up....
Damn Ms. Ann....you have me scratching my bald head head saying hmmmmmm.
Tiger Woods should call a press conference and say this:
"I apologize. I apologize to men everywhere for acting like a pathetic little pussy and not standing up for my right to screw whoever I want to, whenever I want to.
"You fools in the media can say whatever the hell you want to, but there is one fact than none of this will ever change: I am the greatest golfer who ever lived. Period. Make no mistake about it, that is why I'm standing here, and it's why you're listening to me.
"You don't like what I do with my dick. Or more to the point, you pretend not to like it when in fact most of you are plain jealous. Yeah, well my violent, psychotic Swedish wife, soon to be my violent, psychotic former wife, didn't like it either. Tough shit.
"As for the endorsements, I have enough money. Sure, it's always nice to have more of it, but no amount of money is worth my manhood. Now get the fuck out here, because I have a putt to sink."
p.s.: The idea that Woods has retired from golfing, rather than announcing his retirement from shilling products and services, says just about everything we need to know about him, and athletics in this country.
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