Straight eye for the queer guy

"We fall down but we get up......for a saint is just a sinner who fell down" ~Donie McClurkin~

So Donnie McClurkin would like us to believe that he was gay once, but now he is cured. After all, he declares, he wasn't born gay. Seems Donnie told the AP that he was once involved with those "desires and those thoughts" which he said was a result of being raped at 8 and 13. "That's what thrust me into it (watch those choice of words there Donnie) and then God delivered me from that and gave me back who I really am and my purpose"......... Yeah right Reverend, and with all due respect, that's bullshit!

No one is born heterosexual and then chooses to become gay. Well I used to get my freak on with women, but I just got tired of the (If I may use two Jamaican slang's) "pum pum" and decided to go to the "batty". But now, after I found God, I decided to go to the "pum pum" again. "But field, can't you see someone experimenting with sex like they do drugs?" Ahhh no!

This focus on Donnie McClurkin comes to you thanks to Obama's run for the presidency and politics as usual in A-merry-ca. Seems Obama has joined Donnie and some others on a gospel tour to help him lock down that very important black church vote. But a funny thing happened on the way to the rapture. It seems a few gay advocacy groups and left wing bloggers dug up some alleged homophobic statements by Reverend Donnie, and now Obama has some explaining to do. "The gloves are off and if there is going to be a war there's going to be a war. But it will be a war with a purpose. I'm not in the mood to play with those who are trying to kill our children" That was Donnie on the gay agenda. Not very nice words there Donnie, no wonder some of those folks are mad at you.

Now let me be clear, I wouldn't have been a fan of Donnie McClurkin if he hadn't made these ignorant ass statements about homosexuality. He lost me when he sang at the Republican Convention in 2004, and when he basically supported the republican agenda in the 04 elections with his bigoted stance on the gay rights issue. Having said that, this whole thing with Obama is bullshit and people just need to chill. I mean what the fuck? So some homophobic preacher who is struggling with his own sexuality endorses him. Does that mean that we paint Obama with the same broad brush? Or play three degrees of separation with every fucking supporter or contributor to his campaign? Of course not. We should do that no more than we would if the Catholic League endorsed him for president. And we all know about those well behaved catholic priests now dont we. No wonder us poor black folks think a black man just can't get a break in A-merry-ca. I mean he runs for president, and they look for all types of bullshit to bring him down with. Of course, if we as black folks weren't so ass backwards when it comes to some of these issues this wouldn't have been a problem in the first place. But sadly, wherever you have hypocrisy you are going to have problems. Black people let's talk: When half of the fucking choir every Sunday morning is just like Reverend Donnie, you have no right to be denouncing any ones personal behavior. You just worry about your own personal salvation and whatever you have to do to get it; and let the big guy upstairs worry about the gay guy singing in the alto section.

"There are many other things to be done to break the curse of homosexuality"

OK Donnie, good luck with breaking that curse. But I have one name for you; Larry Craig.

What press conference? We don't need no "stinkin" press conference.

"We can and must do better and apologize for this error in judgement"

So says Mr. Harvey Johnson, who is a Deputy Administrator at F-ake-MA.

Poor Mr. Johnson. He had to utter that statement after it was learned that F-ake-MA actually called a fake press conference to discuss the California fires. Now if this isn't a new low for the frat boy and one of his agencies I don't know what is. Like what the fuck is a fake press conference? I mean in a country that supposedly has a free and open press, how can a government agency get away -or even think they can get away-with staging a fake press conference? And I hope the frat boy and his White House doesn't try to distance themselves from this latest incredibly stupid act. Because, as it turns out, they were aware of it, and they were complicit in yet another incompetent act.

But I guess I can't blame the frat boy's peeps for thinking they can get away with this type of shit. When you have had FOX NOISE and other so called news agencies shilling (not the British coin woozie) for you since day one, it's easy to think that you can hold a fake press conference and get away with it.

Thank goodness for real news organizations like the Washington Post; and real reporters like Al Kaman. Mr. Kaman was able to uncover press gate, and he gave us this little gem:

"He was apparently quite familiar with the reporters — in one case, he appears to say 'Mike' and points to a reporter — and was asked an oddly in-house question about 'what it means to have an emergency declaration as opposed to a major disaster declaration' signed by the president. He once again explained smoothly…

'And so I think what you’re really seeing here is the benefit of experience, the benefit of good leadership and the benefit of good partnership,' Johnson said, 'none of which were present in Katrina.' (Wasn’t Michael Chertoff DHS chief then?) Very smooth, very professional. But something didn’t seem right. The reporters were lobbing too many softballs. No one asked about trailers with formaldehyde for those made homeless by the fires. And the media seemed to be giving Johnson all day to wax on and on about FEMA’s greatness."

And to think we were actually starting to think that F-ake-MA had gotten their act together after Katrina. We should have known better. After all, we are talking about George Bush here. And isn't he a fake President?

He won't be running on Sundays.

No one knows exactly what happened in Adam Scott's on campus apartment on the morning of October 5, 2007. What we do know is that a young lady accused him of raping her, and Adam Scott is now in deep doo doo.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. Adam Scott was one of the most highly touted running backs to commit to Penn State in a long time. He was Mr. Everything at Allentown's Parkland High School, and he rushed for 3,853 yards and 53 touchdowns while there. He was, in a word, the man. He could have gone anywhere, but he chose in state power Penn State. I remember how excited some of my co workers who were Penn State alums were the day he committed. Now, like their famous coach, Joe Paterno, they don't even want to talk about him. They all just wish Adam Scott would go away.

Now true confessions. Even though I live in Penn State country, I am no fan of the "white hats". I have never believed that whole "our program is cleaner than yours" line that they like to throw around. And I have always thought that Joe Paterno is somewhat of a fraud. Having said that, there is no denying that the football part of his program has been successful over the years, and the old man has won his share of Bowl games.

But back to Adam Scott. Joe Paterno has kicked him off the team, and the fifth year seniors career and maybe his life as he knows it (if the charges are true and he is convicted) is over. Let's face it; no team will draft an accused rapist with a mediocre college career. So it's over for Scott and football. (He should have gone to Pitt) But shame on Joe Paterno for booting the young man off the team before it has been proven that he was guilty. Especially given the fact that he did the exact opposite with another Penn State player a few years ago. And especially given the fact that there has been quite a few high profile not guilty verdicts in these types of cases recently.

So yet another athlete on campus accused of rape. Yet another athlete failing to control himself and keeping his hormones in check. It's all about choices folks, and we should always try to make good ones. A fifth year senior in college should have known better than putting himself in such a position. Now to be fair to Adam Scott, this case is shaky. The accuser did the exact same thing a couple of years back (accused someone of rape after a party) at another college, and that young man was acquitted by a jury. Adam Scott and his attorney's say the sex was consensual and that the female accuser in question has some major problems. They say that they are confident that he will be aquitted. But this is Centre County Pennsylvania, and trust me, this won't be a jury of his peers, so you just never know.

We will see, and if it turns out that once again the accused is innocent, I wonder if we will get a Duke like outcry about the injustice that was done to Adam Scott? I doubt it. Because Adam Scott isn't a child of privilege, he didn't play lacrosse, and his accuser wasn't some black stripper.

The Duke boys will move on to work on Wall Street, and in spite of being accused of rape, will no doubt go on to make a lots of money. Adam Scott- if he doesn't end up in jail- will not have such a bright future. There will be no lawsuits, no high profile apology, and the District Attorney in his case won't lose his law license. If he is found innocent, Adam Scott will be lucky to just have a normal life again. And when you think of what could have been, it seems like such a waste.

Sorry sell outs, I have some more things to say.

"A HN may be indeed annoying and may even do some things that are counter productive/destructive to the liberation of African people. But there are in no way the ones that's really holding the whip. In fact, if the HN gets out of line, massa got a whip for him too. Highlighting and pulling the covers off a HN so that he or she can be exposed is all good. But I'd like to see you give more time to exposing the dirt of the ones that's really using their power to misguide, to destroy, to oppress, to enslave, to shrink African people throughout the world. "



Those thoughtful words were left by a commenter after my previous post. (I think it was Angie who signed as "A") Anyway, I appreciate A's sincerity and concerns, and I honestly think "A" means well. But sorry, I can't leave the house Negroes alone just yet. There will be plenty of time to deal with "the man" later. "In fact, if the HN gets out of line, massa got a whip for him too." That might or might not be true, but I bet massa doesn't whip him or her as hard as he whips us.




Here is the deal, and it's important that black people understand this: I honestly believe that we are the only race of people with such a large group among us who don't want to be a part of the collective. Everything we try to do, and every political, social, or economic movement we try to start, will ultimately be weakened by these individuals. And it will be all because they don't believe that such a movement is necessary in the first place. What's the point they argue, don't we live in massa's house? That whip that "A" talks about was not meant for us. It was meant for those unruly field Negroes.



So before I go jumping all over "whitey" for all the injustice that's taking place in A-merry-ca, I have to look at the house Negroes around me who would minimize said injustice. Because when "whitey" wants to discredit whatever movement we try to start, he will always prop up one of these new Negroes as whitey's exhibit A for why A-merry-ca ain't so bad after all. "House Negro do you like A-merry-ca, do you want us to change the way things are here?" " Oh no massa, why would I want to do that? I love A-merry-ca massa, it sure beats being in Africa. We have a good thing here massa, those field Negroes are just trouble makers"



Ironically, after posting William Jelani Cobb's fine essay about John McWhorter yesterday, I read McWhorter's critique of the latest book by Bill Cosby and Alvin Poussaint-- Come On People-- in today's Philadelphia Inquirer. In his summary, McWhorter agreed with the book on most points concerning some of the solutions to black problems. Solutions, by the way, which I happen to agree with as well. Solutions such as utilizing the educational system to get certain types of well paying jobs; such as computer technician, dental hygienist, mechanics, etc., and creating more minority owned businesses in our neighborhoods. And I agree with McWhorter and the authors of the book that "Blaming only the system...keeps the black poor wallowing in victim hood", and that ultimately, the overall premise of the book is right. If this surprises you it shouldn't. You see someone who embraces the field Negro persona does not "wallow in victim hood". He or she understands that society has put certain things in place that would put them in the position as a victim, but they understand that they have to get past it. They understand that they will get past it by working harder and creating a barrier free environment, so that the field Negroes who come after them won't find themselves in a similar position. The house Negroes, on the other hand, are fine with the status quo; and the only victim in their lives would be their conscience, if only they had one.



"...from my perspective, given the function of ethnic plurality in American society, the future/survival of the Black masses and the Black upper classes are inextricably bound, which is why the house negroes must be brought to the light and talking to white folks about our problems is largely a waste of time." ~~~newgirl448~


Two great comments, two different perspectives. But I think I am siding with "newgirl448" on this one. Because I am tired of that damn whip.

The continuing education of the sell outs.

Spelman College is a great school with a great tradition, and after reading the following article by one of their professors, I think you will see why. The author focuses on John McWhorter, but he could have well been writing about any one of my "new negro" friends who blog as conservatives.

Truth is, the only thing William Jelani Cobb shares with a certain right leaning black blogger is a last name. Said blogger should read the following cut and paste job written by his name sake, and send me a nice gift and a thank you note for giving him some education. He claims that he has been reading my blog a lot lately, so let's hope he hasn't stopped yet.

WARNING, this post is a bit long. But what the heck, it's the weekend. So put your feet up, turn off the television, and read.

"In the grand tradition of Booker T. Washington, author John McWhorter is either a conservative or a sellout, not that there's much of a difference.

Conventional wisdom has it that modern black conservatism has its roots in the philosophy of one Booker T. Washington, the Tuskegee Wizard whose advocacy of self-reliance, thrift, morality and hard work helped him build a respected university, a personal fortune and a political machine the likes of which have not been seen in black America since. But truth be told, given the Sunday-schooled, Southern-born outlook of large segments of black America the phrase 'black conservative' is damn-near redundant. (And a black "compassionate conservative" would, in most quarters, be simply called a liberal.)

The theme of self-reliance, self-respect and hard work run through nearly every major black movement of the 20th century – regardless of political persuasion. But there's a reason why Clarence Thomas is considered conservative in pejorative sense of the term and Louis Farrakhan, who is pro-business, anti-abortion, pro-death penalty (believing it should apply not only to homicide, but rape as well) and condemns "government handouts" is not. That difference being that most people believe Farrakhan – no matter his labyrinthine contradictions and metaphysical snake oil – has some clue to the persistence of racism in America.

With a few notable exceptions, the class of black conservatives is not at the forefront of the conservative debates of foreign policy unilateralism, stem cell research or deficit spending. Rather they're given dominion over a fiefdom of unwashed Negroes whose social maladjustment is to be condemned as consistently, stridently and creatively as possible. And this explains why Bill Cosby's case of racial Tourette's syndrome last April was widely viewed as 'conservative' as opposed to simply mean-spirited and incoherent. On some level, the terms have become synonymous.

Which brings us to our present concern John McWhorter. In the span of three years, since the publication of his initial foray into Negro punditry "Losing the Race" and its follow-up "Authentically Black," McWhorter has become something a negro-con phenomenon, appearing on television and talk shows and writing in numerous outlets. His arguments that blacks are done in by 'victimology' not racism, and that black people are doomed by their own 'separatist' and anti-intellectual tendencies amount to old malt liquor in a new 40-ounce. But no matter, it sells.

With McWhorter's school of conservatives we hear strains of Booker T. not so much in his views on thrift and hard work – because those are articles of faith across and political lines in the black community – but in his tradition of accomodationism and comically "putting on" for his (predominantly white) audience. Think about this in the context of McWhorter's obsessive concern – 'proving' that there really isn't much racism left in the country and you suspect that his books serve – intentionally or not – as balm for the white guilty conscience. The message to black folk: what you think is racism is actually just coincidental occurrence. Change to song: We have overcome. We just didn't notice.

Central to his indictment of black America on charges of self-sabotage is the idea that liberal soft-heartedness has made black mediocrity pay off. (He asserts that black students don't work hard, knowing that paternalistic white liberals will let them into the best universities anyway.) A mentor of mine once pointed out that there would be 'equality' in America when a black person could be completely mediocre and still achieve astounding success. The point is that among the many pernicious side effects of segregation was its ability to hide white underachievement from black people.

McWhorter indicts universities that consider race as a factor in admissions, but paradoxically has no problem with police using race as a factor in profiling random citizens. After being stopped and questioned by police for walking while black, McWhorter reports in 'Losing the Race,' 'I cannot say that I walked away from that episode furious that I had just been swiped by the long arm of white racism ... I felt that what had happened was a sign that the black underclass is America's greatest injustice, and that I ought to take it as a call to action to do as much as I can to help rescue the underclass so that such encounters with the police won't be necessary – because under the current conditions, whether we like it or not, they are.' "

Read the rest here.

Please don't send any perishables.

PROTECT AND SERVE?

The story below is troubling. Not because it's yet another story about racism in A-merry-ca, *yawn* but because the allegations of racism were leveled at a Police Chief of a fairly large town. And even more troubling , the charges are being made by some of his own officers.

This is a complaint in a lawsuit, so take it for what it's worth. Still, I can't help but read it and think about all those township cops and state troopers in Jersey, and the accusations of profiling in the past. I have been stopped in the garden state a couple of times myself, and fortunately, I had all my shit together, so I didn't end up in the back of a squad car with some racist cop. Remember this story, and others like it about racial profiling along the Jersey Turnpike? Well, it's why I worry when I read stories like this.

But if any of these allegations are true, Chief Carmen LaBruno should not be leading a city police department in New Jersey--- or in Mississippi for that matter. And if you think Chief LaBruno is alone; I have a bridge in Brooklyn I would like to sell you.

So here is the story from the AP:

Five Hoboken police officers are accusing one of their superiors of being an "unabashed white supremacist" who routinely used racial slurs and, during a trip to Louisiana as part of Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, donned a mock Ku Klux Klan hood and uttered the "n-word" within earshot of an African-American couple in a restaurant.

In a lawsuit filed today in federal court in Newark, the plaintiffs - five Hispanic members of the department - say Lt. Angelo Andriani intimidated them with his racist behavior.
Andriani, the plaintiffs allege, would often express disapproval of interracial couples, calling white women who dated black men "pigs."

Among the bombshells in the lawsuit is the allegation that during a trip to deliver relief supplies to Kenner, La., in November 2005, Andriani used racial slurs at a restaurant while the Hoboken contingent was dining with a Kenner city councilwoman.
During that meal, the suit contends, while an African-American couple sat nearby, Andriani used the n-word and cut two holes out of a napkin, which he put in front of his face to make it look like a KKK hood.

The officers suing are detectives Mario Novo, George Fonseca, James Perez, Cesar Olavaria, and Sgt. Edwin Pantoja.

My only question would be what took them so long to bring the lawsuit in the first place? Still, I wish them luck with it. Although sadly, given the history of these types of complaints, they will need it.

JUST SAY NO!

I was lucky, I was born with a pot to piss in. So when the sell out merchant asked me how much? I was able to look him in the eye and tell him to go fuck himself.

I remember the last time the sell out merchant came. It was about four years ago. "Field, you would make a great [fill in the blank for a city wide elected position here] and the party would love to have you on board. Even if you lose, think of all the business contacts you will make, not only in the city, but in the surrounding counties as well." Yeah, ahh let me think about that big city party official,AKA sell out merchant, and I will get back to you". I hope he didn't hold his breath.

That experience thought me a lot about the sell out merchant; how easy it is for him to get to you, and how sneaky he can be. I bet there were lots of folks who didn't know how to say no to the sell out merchant. Who knows? They may have needed a pot to piss in.

For that pot, they will publicly trash their race every chance they get. They will trash us on television, they will trash us in the newspaper, and they will trash us on the Internet. They will even trash us on their blogs while trying to get their profile up. But unfortunately, with the sell out merchant, there is always a catch. "But Mr. Big city party official, isn't [fill in the other black man here] running for that same seat against [fill in the white candidate here]?" "Ahh yeah field, but that's not why we want you to run, we just think you would be great for the job. "

Oh, so you didn't really want me to run and split the black vote so that your candidate could win the election sell out merchant? Gee, for a minute there I thought you were trying to use me.

Cos has been getting a pass with trashing us for all the world to see, because we know that he has a very big pot to piss in, and he doesn't need the sell out merchant. When Cos puts our dirty laundry out there, it's cool, because he has earned the right to talk about us. Cos has walked the walk. ( I have seen him walking the streets of South West Philly against gun violence, and I have heard stories of his incredible philanthropic work here in Philly) Still, it's time for Cos to shut it down. Enough already! What, he thinks there is that one single mother in the projects with three kids and on welfare who missed his message until she saw him on Oprah?

What I am telling Cos is what I would tell every black conservative pundit, blogger, radio personality, and whatever. We get it! Black people need top pull themselves up. They need to stop with the out of wedlock children. They need to stop with the black on black crime. They need to start trying to build some wealth, and credit. They need to.... I could go on, but most of you reading this already know about the myriad of problems we are facing. But the thing is; you won't be writing about it every day on your blogs, nor will you, instead of trying to actually do something about the problem, be expounding intellectual mumble jumble and playing got ya word games. You understand that the shit is deeper than just sound bites made to please the "man's" ears. You understand the importance of being a good role model, and speaking out against injustice no matter where it comes from. That's telling the sell out merchant, no thanks.

The sell out merchant doesn't want or care about all of that, because he has an agenda, and no matter what some of you might think, you are not a part of it. Your pot can only hold so much piss.

Clark, Hooker, and Young. (No it's not a law firm)

Quick, does anyone reading this know who Otis G. Clark, Olivia J. Hooker, and Wess H. Young is? If you have never heard of them you are not alone. Quite a few people have never heard of these true field Negroes who survived the Tulsa riots. Mr. Clark is 104, Ms. Hooker is 92, and Mr. Young is 90. That's damn near three centuries of living between them.

All three of them were present for a symposium at the Temple University Law School this past Monday. They were there to discuss the 1921 riots in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

They were just children then, but they remembered.

In less than a week, over 1,000 homes and businesses were destroyed, and over 300 people were killed. (Some accounts say that more than 1,200 people died) Most of the rioting happened in a prosperous black area of town known as Greenwood. Of course there was no wall to wall 24 cable news coverage at the time to chronicle the horror of this event and tragic time in our history. All this happened because a black man allegedly assaulted a white woman in an elevator. As was typical at the time, some 10,000 angry white folks descended on Tulsa's courthouse demanding noose style justice. As the story goes; about 80 field Negroes had the nerve to try to protect the accused. Well, a scuffle ensued, and all hell broke loose.

Can you imagine if some of our conservative brothers and sisters were around then? They would have blamed the riots on those unruly blacks who didn't know how to obey the law, or know their place in society.

Well three of those blacks are still alive today. I wonder if any of my right leaning black friends would have the guts to tell these three survivors some of their bullshit conservative rhetoric to their face?

I doubt it.

And just a note: Those charges against that man who allegedly assaulted the woman on the elevator (Dick Rowland) were eventually dropped.

Timing is everything.

Why is it that whenever the frat boy needs money from congress to fund his war there is a new Osama video? Think about it: In his last video Osama's beard was dyed black and it had a perfect trim. Hell, he couldn't have gotten a cut like that from the best barber here in Philly. Doctored photo anyone?

I bet the frat boy has an entire library of Osama tapes just waiting to unload on A-merry-ca.

I can't wait to see the new al Qaeda movie right before they decide to bomb the shit out of Iran. It will be the scariest yet. Watch for the mushroom cloud special effects; that's a Bush administration favorite.

But I gotta give it to the frat boy, it's a great strategy. Scare the shit out of the constituents, who in turn will call their congressmen. Go to said congressmen for funds, and if they refuse to give it to you, their scared shit less constituents will vote them out.

If these clowns only knew how to run a country as well as they know how to hold on to power we would be in pretty good shape. Poor D-im-ocrats; they are out gunned. Even with the frat boy's approval ratings as low as a black conservatives IQ, they (the Dims) are still afraid of him.

Right about now the Harry and Nancy show ain't looking so good. But man that Osama show sure looks like a hit.

I was going to apologize but I changed my mind.

Sometimes you post an essay that you regret........Ahhh fuck it, I can't even lie, I don't ever regret anything that I post. I recently posted about the copious (is that a good word woozie?) amount of nooses popping up all over A-merry-ca, and I attempted to do it in a satirical way. Some people were offended. "Would you think it was funny if someone made a joke about oven shops when talking about Jews field?" Well let's see now; if a bunch of ignorant mother fuckers were going around putting toy ovens on the homes of known Jews, or on synagogue doors, and a Jewish person decided to call attention to the barbarous and cruel nature of such an act in a satirical way; then yes, I probably would.

But here is the problem when I use satire to make a point. I get ignoramuses like this, who actually believe that everyone is as stupid and as limited in their knowledge as their inbred trailer park asses. So they approach the shit in a literal way, and you get links like the one I just gave you. You see, these types of people think that putting up nooses is actually funny. And if they were alive back in the day; they would have been the same motherfuckers that would bring their children to town lynchings for some popcorn and candy while they watched the bad niggers hang and burn.

So I really hated to give that link, because I don't like giving traffic to those clowns. But it's important for people to see what we are dealing with in A-merry-ca. A place where the pursuit of happiness has become a full time job; right along with putting niggers in their place.

Dog Day Afternoon.

In between doing some house and legal work today, I tried to watch a little television. It was a very bad decision for me, because it totally fucked up my day and my mood.

Forget the fact that my "Iggles" lost to the stinking Bears when they were leading by four points with less than two minutes to go, and the Bears went the length of the field to score the winning touchdown without so much as a time out. Forget the fact that FOX NOISE and some of these other silly ass television stations were featuring stories on Iggy the dog, instead of focusing on real issues. FOX NOISE dedicated an entire segment complete with two (yes two) lawyers to talk about this fucking dog.

All this was happening while the Vice President of the United States was talking about going to war with Iran. "Iran is a growing obstacle to peace in the Middle East." If you don't think that means that we want to bomb the living daylights out of them, well then you belong in a little dog house with Iggy. Oh, did I mention that our wonderful Congress (our girl Hilary included) voted to declare their (Iran's) "Revolutionary Guards a terror organization? Think about that for a minute. That's like China's government voting to declare the FBI a terrorist organization. That will just make it easy for us to bomb them into oblivion when we so please, and justify it by referring to the fact that we declared them a terrorist state.

Then, to top it off, I watched some of the republican debate (can these mother fuckers talk about Hilary enough?) and......well, let me say this; if any of those suits I saw tonight win the presidency, we will be in for some serious trouble. RUDY? MITT? FRED? Maalox please!

Honestly, there are days when I wish I was Amish.

Why Osama won.

I am always sceptical when I hear people yearning for the "good old days"in America. A time when according to them there were real family values in this country, and the American dream didn't seem so illusive. But the "good old days" to me didn't represent what it did to most A-merry-cans. The good old days to me represented a time when black people weren't in magazines or on television, and they had to drink at separate drinking fountains. But still, there are some good old days I would like to go back to. That would be the good old days before September 11, 2001.

Remember those days? The days before nineteen Saudi Arabian men decided that they wanted to hook up with 72 virgins in paradise, and decided to turn four commercial airliners into bombs. Those bombs ended up killing over three thousand of our fellow citizens, and forever changed our lives here in A-merry-ca. As Don McLean sang back in the day; "bye bye Ms. American pie".

Now thanks to a president who saw those attacks as the start of a spiritual war between Muslims and Christians; those lunatics didn't just kill over three thousand people that day, they killed the American spirit and what America stands for as well. I wonder what happened to that America? A place where we actually had civil liberties. A place where we could say and write whatever the fuck we wanted to without the fear of some government black suit throwing our asses in an unmarked plane and shipping our asses to Egypt, so that they could torture us until we vowed to vote republican. A place where we weren't paranoid every time we picked up the phone or stepped outside our door. A place where there wasn't a twenty four hour so called news station which focused on supporting the government and dividing the country along racial lines for the sake of ratings. A country where there wasn't a noose around every fucking corner, and every small town District Attorney from Michigan to Mississippi wasn't locking up people of color and throwing away the key.

Oh if we could only have those days again. Where did they go? I want to know, because not only are we fucked on a domestic level, but I am considered an American, and damn near every poor Arab boy in the world wants to kill my black ass because of my president.

Am I afraid? You bet your Chevy and your apple pie that I am. I am very afraid now and I wasn't afraid before 911. But I am not afraid of those Arab boys, I am afraid of my own government; and that is why Osama has won.

Nas And the "N" word

I have a true confession; a white man has never called me a nigger to my face. (Notice I said to my face). But I have been called nigger a time or two by black people, some of them even friends of mine.

If you read this blog you know where I stand on trying to do away with that word. It's bullshit! You can't say you are going to ban a word by passing legislation, having a funeral for the word, or having black celebrities and so called leaders declare that the word is from now on not to be used by black folks. "We hereby declare that we will never use the "N" word again." Yeah, OK, whatever.

Now for the record, I don't use the word, because I honestly don't think it's a necessary part of my vocabulary. I can usually find quite a few other words to use in its place. And honestly, I would prefer if us black folks never used the word either. White folks, you should feel that way too. Think of all the white people that would be saved from getting their asses kicked for using it around us, just because they heard one of us use it and thought it was cool.

I though about this nigger issue, because the popular rapper, Nas, is dropping a new album, and I think the title of it will be "Nigger." (Although Def Jam might have something to say about that) Isn't Russel Simmons the President of Def Jam? Wasn't he all over the place recently talking about banning the "N" word? As my girl Angie would say; I am just saying.

So anyway, read the following excerpt from MTV news:

"I'm a street disciple," Nas responded, quoting one of his earlier album titles. "I'm talking to the streets. Stay out of our business. You ain't got no business worrying about what the word 'nigger' is or acting like you know what my album is about without talking to me. Whether you in the NAACP or you Jesse Jackson. I respect all of them ... I just want them to know: Never fall victim to Fox. Never fall victim to the sh-- they do. What they do is try to hurry up and get you on the phone and try to get you to talk about something you might not know about yet.

"If Cornel West was making an album called Nigger, they would know he's got something intellectual to say," Nas continued. "To think I'm gonna say something that's not intellectual is calling me a nigger, and to be called a nigger by Jesse Jackson and the NAACP is counterproductive, counter-revolutionary."

Nas said he hasn't talked to anyone outside his camp about the title, so he was upset to see that people are up in arms without knowing the story behind him choosing the name.
"I wanna make the word easy on mutha----as' ears," he explained. "You see how white boys ain't mad at 'cracker' 'cause it don't have the same [sting] as 'nigger'? I want 'nigger' to have less meaning [than] 'cracker.' With all the bullsh-- that's going on in the world, racism is at its peak. I wanna do the sh-- that's not being done. I wanna be the artist who ain't out. I wanna make the music I wanna hear.

"We're taking power [away] from the word," he added. "No disrespect to none of them who were part of the civil-rights movement, but some of my n---as in the streets don't know who [civil-rights activist] Medgar Evers was. I love Medgar Evers, but some of the n---as in the streets don't know Medgar Evers, they know who Nas is. And to my older people who don't now who Nas is and who don't know what a street disciple is, stay outta this mutha----in' conversation. We'll talk to you when we're ready. Right now, we're on a whole new movement. We're taking power [away] from that word."

It's nice to see that Nas is familiar with his history enough to know about Medgar Evers, and that he understands the nuances associated with the use of the word. Not to mention his recognition of people like Jessie Jackson and Cornel West in the debate. Besides, he calls out Jessie for being on FOX which gets him brownie points from the field.

Still, I wish Nas and his street disciples would hurry up and work on that movement so that they can talk to us. Because honestly, we want to take power away from the word too, and some of of us realize that we can't do it without them.

Thirteen against Bethany

Today is a very sad day in A-merry-ca. (Sorry woozie) And I know we are too busy worrying about Ms. Spear's latest custody battle, and Ellen's dog to care. But something very sad and cruel happened in Washington D.C. today, and you should know about it.

Today, our elected leaders failed to come up with the necessary votes needed to override the frat boy's veto of an expansion of the State Children's Health Insurance Premium. (SCHIP)

Let's think about this for a minute. In A-merry-ca, there are nine million children without health insurance. And all the major organizations that should know about these things--- such as The American Medical Association, The American Health Insurance Plans, and The Catholic Health Association, thinks that this latest SCHIP over haul bill should pass. But thanks to 13 representatives --who George Bush must have pictures of in a bathroom trolling for sex-- it won't happen; all because congress came up 13 votes shy of what's needed to tell the frat boy to stick his veto pen up his presidential ass.

It would cost 35 billion dollars over the next ten years or so to insure about 4 million children, and these clowns are trying to prevent it from happening. Now folks, I don't know about you, but that seems like one hell of a bargain to me. Sadly, it won't happen, because there are aliens among us known as republicans, whose fear of what they consider socialized medicine takes precedence over the lives of our children.

Have you ever heard of Bethany Wilkerson? Of course you haven't, she isn't on MTV, nor does she have her own television show. She is a little girl who had open heart surgery, and thanks to the SCHIP program, her parents were able to afford to get her the medical help that she needed.

"When Bethany's health issues arose we had that coverage" That was her mother. "She might not be here right now from that, but she is because of the SCHIP." That was her father.

On October 1, 2007, the frat boy declared that it was Child Health Day in A-merry-ca. And on October 3, 2007, he vetoed the SCHIP reauthorization bill.

I swear that man (Bush) keeps me up at nights.

These "talented tenth" wannabees are neither

I knew when I posted about sell outs it would bring out our conservative and right leaning black friends. It always does doesn't it? You would think I didn't talk about black Democrats in that post and how they can be sell outs as well. But I didn't see left leaning black folks being offended and coming to the defense of all things left. But such is the life of the black conservative. Always with the chip as big as an elephant (no pun intended) on his or her shoulder. The world can be so cruel and unkind to the black conservative. The other black folks are always out to get them. They are so misunderstood.

But you have to love these people. These so called "independent thinkers" among us who have all the answers and cures for the black race. The funny thing is; I don't think their thought is so independent at all. I have been listening to their ilk from Deroy Murduck, to Roy Innis, to Alan Keys, to Kevin Pritchett, to Thomas Sowell, to Star Parker, to Walter Williams.....well, you get the picture, and the song is always the same. You black folks have to get away from the group think. You have to stop listening to Jessie, and Al, and all the other race pimps out there. You have to work hard and pull yourselves up by your boot straps and then you can achieve like me. (Another myth, because the truth is, most of these new money Negroes are just one step away from the poverty that they are always railing against; but I digress) We all have to be new and improved Negroes like Booker T. aspired to be. We have to leave those poor Negroes behind who will pull the rest of us down like W. E. B. wanted us to do. Yep, we have to get that "talented tenth" and move on.

Good luck, because in order to do that, you have to get the talented part down first.

Folks, here is the deal. Until the conservative movement gets its shit together, it will never attract the number of black folks to start a viable movement. (Stay with me my new money friends, I am trying to help you) In order to make in roads with us black folks, you have to get rid of people like Star Parker, who right after hurricane Katrina, said on FOX NEWS, that black people suffer from a "welfare mentality". You have to get away from people like Armstrong Williams, who took money to shill for the Bush administration. And when fucked up shit happens to black people it would be nice if you came out and said it was fucked up just once.--- Like James Byrd, and Jena for instance. Stop siding with white conservatives on every fucking issue. They never had, and never will have our best interest at heart. If you are such "independent thinkers" why don't you practice some independence from your white conservative friends? If you do that you would be showing me that you are a true independent. Hey, if you do that, maybe you will even get closer to attracting a tenth of those black folks you want.

I suspect though, that you can never be truly independent, because that would mean giving up your whi...whoops, I mean right card. But if, by chance, you do decide to be truly independent thinkers, here are some policies that your right wing brothers embrace that you might want to reconsider: You can't be against a minimum wage increase or a fair living wage for workers. Not when some poor single mother is working at Wal Mart and earning $6 an hour, and Sam Walton's fucking daughter bought a 30 million dollar painting at some art auction in New York. You can't just blindly follow the NRA and their strict interpretation of the second amendment when kids are getting slaughtered in our streets on a regular basis. You can't support free enterprise and a total deregulation of businesses when environmental racism is killing your people in places like South Texas, and Mississippi. You can't oppose affirmative action programs, and minority business set asides, but turn around and rip black folks for not starting businesses in their own neighborhoods. ( You benefited from the same affirmative action programs that you now conveniently want to get rid of. I know I know, you guys are the smart ones, you didn't need affirmative action) You can't oppose strong voting rights enforcement, but rip your own people for not being involved enough in the political process. And finally, you can't support the death penalty when you know that more than one innocent person has been put to death by the state because of a fucked up justice system.

Hey, just a little advise from the field. Because lately I have been feeling the love from you guys, and I just want to give some back.

The field Negro Noose Shop

Now this shit is getting ridiculous. (Thanks for jumping on this EV) I mean it just kept getting closer and closer, and now the noose is right in my home town. What is it with folks in the frat boy's A-merry-ca all of a sudden with these nooses?

But fuck it, you know what? Rather than bitch and moan about it, I am going to try and make the best of a bad situation, and maybe even make some money from these sad developments. After all, that is the A-merry-can way right?

So folks, I have decided to open a Noose Shop. Yes you heard me, a Noose Shop. I have a little money saved up. I figure I can take out a small business loan, get a nice little commercial store front property right there on South Street, (Perfect name right?) and get down to business. Hey, nooses are the in thing in A-merry-ca now.

I could sell all types of nooses. Think about it? The noose will be already tied, and all you would have to do is come in, pick out your favorite noose, and roll. No questions asked, just pay your cash, get your noose, and go. I would expand my inventory and offer noose accessories too. Want to to be able to carry your noose wherever you go? How about a nice noose case? Want somewhere to hang your noose when there is nothing around? How about your own portable noose hooks. Or better yet, a fake tree?

I think A-merry-ca is ready for this you all, I really do. And in my noose store the customer will come first. We will sell you nooses in all different sizes. We could sell you a big noose for things like a construction site or a large tree. Or, we could sell you a small one, for say, a school locker, or a door. We could sell neon nooses that glow in the dark for a night time effect, and we could sell camouflaged colored ones for blending in outdoors. That one would be great, because the intended victim wouldn't even know that he is standing right under a tree with a noose until it's too late.

I didn't even get to the colored nooses yet. ( No pun intended black folks) But think of all the possibilities with that one. You could get a noose with your favorite school colors for all those late night college pranks. Think about it. Blue and white for all you Penn State fans. Purple and gold for all you LSU fans, and crimson and white for all you Alabama fans. (I bet that one will really sell). But wait, I could do more, I could even have corporate nooses as well. You gotta love that idea; your corporations logo right on your noose. I bet that FOX NEWS noose would just fly off the shelf.

Yep, I am going to start setting up my business plan right away before someone else steals my idea. I will set up my first store right here in Philly. How appropriate; after all, wasn't Philadelphia A-merry-ca's first capitol? Why not be the city with the first noose shop? Then I will branch out. I will set up franchises (I am sure I won't have any problems getting folks to buy in) from California to Maine. It will be like the Golden Arches, but instead of a big "M", it will be a big brown rope.

Now if I could just think of a name.........

THE MAKING OF A SELL OUT

"I'm curious...do you even remember when you first sold out?"

~~Rudy Baylor (Matt Damon) in "The Rainmaker"~~~

I always wanted to look some Negroes in the eye and ask them that exact same question.

I mean when does a person come to the realization that he has to put himself and his own selfish needs above the his family, his race, and his community? Does he (or she) just wake up one morning and say; fuck it, I am tired of being one of these Negroes, there has to be a better way? And then what? Do you start a blog? Do you start calling conservative radio and television stations and declare; that I, a black person, hereby renounces my black card? Lord knows I have seen lots of that lately.

I know that it all seems rather simplistic, and the process has to be a lot more complex than that. Maybe a diss by a person of color that they loved once. Maybe a diss by someone in the majority because they were black. Maybe a hatred of their own family because of some fucked up shit that happened in their childhood. Hey, I am no shrink, I am just a black man trying to figure all this shit out. But something had to happen somewhere along the line to these folks.

With some people it's easy to figure out. William Jefferson's sorry ass was just greedy, so he sold out for a refrigerator full of money. Clarence Thomas was never the brightest guy to begin with, and "Charlie"-- not his peeps-- gave him a chance. For that, he will be forever grateful, so he sold out to "Charlie" for whatever "Charlie wants.

But what about people like Walter Williams, Ward Connerly, Larry Elder and their ilk? Clearly they are not the way they are because they think it will benefit black folks. So what is it? Is it for the fame? The money? Do they realize that if they weren't over on the dark side they wouldn't be getting any shine? Was it calculated because they knew that there are far less of us on the dark side, and once they went over A-merry-ca would embrace them? Hey, maybe all the above is true, and maybe none of it is true at all. Maybe these individuals all belong to some secret society to undermine black folks: "Sell Outs & Bones" But it's not only popular conservative pundits. What about all the local democratic politicians and so called leaders, people who sold their offices, churches, and the over all public trust to the highest bidder? What motivated them to sell out?

"I'm curious...do you even remember when you first sold out?

Since I will probably never be able to ask you to your face, If one of my sell out friends lurking would be kind enough to answer that question for me, I sure would appreciate it.

Our own soft racism

This post is going to piss off some of you black folks, but as usual, I really don't give a f**k.

I am going to use a sports analogy with this one so stay with me.

 

When the Phillies clinched the National League East division championship, the folks here lost their freaking minds. You would have thought we won the World Series or some shit. The folks here are so starved for a championship that we  acted as if just winning the division was the championship. Wall to wall celebrations and damn near rioting in the streets.

Of course, the Phillies then went out and promptly lost three in a row to the Colorado Rockies. Bye bye championship.

 

Now for my analogy: Earlier this summer I was in a restaurant with some friends when in walked a family of my cousins. They were upbeat and excited and from the looks of things, in full celebration mode. I noticed that two of the young people with the family were still wearing their high school graduation gowns, as well as their graduation caps. The other members of the family were taking picture after picture and relishing in the young people's achievement. "So field what's wrong with that?" Nothing, and the family should have been proud. But let's stay with my Phillies analogy a little bit. They should have been proud, but like the Phillies, these young people did not win the World Series, all they had just won was the divisional championship. There were other steps to go, other educational goals to achieve, but the way this family was acting you would think that this was it; that they had reached the pinnacle. Sadly for them, --and the statistics here in Philly and other places will confirm this-- they probably had. More than likely both of those young people would not be going on to college or furthering their education. This was it for them, and damn it, the family was going to let it all hang out on this grand occasion.

 

Folks, this might be the first and last time you will hear me say that the frat boy was right about something. But he was right about the "soft racism of low expectations." It's there and it's real, and our own families are sometimes guilty of perpetrating it. We don't help by treating the first step in a long process as if it's the end. It's not the end. Getting your high school diploma is something you are supposed to do, and it should be expected, not celebrated.

Honestly, I don't even think my father went to my high school graduation, because there was never any doubt that my ass was going to college. The celebration could wait for bigger things. To him, a high school diploma was a right of passage, something akin to getting a driver's license. I thought about that as I watched this family celebrating like there was no tomorrow, and showering the new graduates with unbridled adoration. "But field what if they are the first in their families to graduate high school, what if it is a big deal to this family." I know, and that's the really sad part of this conundrum isn't it. The fact that there are so many families out here where this might be true, and, like the Phillies, their celebration will be short lived.

Why I was curious.

This post is a follow up to my previous one. And let me say right off the top that I got some interesting comments from folks who questioned the importance of calling out the blogger who runs the interracial site, and my need to see her actual picture.

For the record, some of you raised some good points. And I totally get how some sisters could see a double standard, especially when they claim that they have gone to sites run by brothers only to see sista bashing on a regular basis.

But here is the deal. (And I am going to my house Negro field Negro analogy again so stay with me) The house Negroes among us tend to be more caught up on physical appearances and looks. You all know it, and so do I. I don't know, maybe it's because there are so many mirrors in the house. But these individuals are obsessed with the European concept of beauty and how it relates to the American experience. Usually, it manifests itself in two ways. One is the I don't fit into the Euro centric standards of beauty so I hate myself. (See Clarence Thomas) The other is the I fit perfectly into the Euro centric standards of beauty and I don't like people in my race, because they don't fit in like I do. (See Angela McGlowan) Both of these types of house Negroes are victims of their own devices and both are equally flawed.

I have said it here before, and it's worth repeating: I really don't care if two people of different races genuinely fall in love with each other and decide to hook up. They are human beings, and their race will sometimes take a secondary role to their basic human instincts. But when a person feels that they can only hook up with a person who looks like the other people in the majority population because of their own lack of self worth, or self hatred, well then we have a problem. And for the record, this standard applies to both black men and women. (O.J. Charles, and all you other black athletes with the white women just for having a white womans's sake, this means you)

This is why I wanted to see what this individual looked like. I wanted to get a better idea of what camp she falls in. Not because I wanted to judge her based on her looks. (That would be rather shallow of the field don't you think kitty?) Or, for that matter, because I thought the individual might be white. Frankly, I suspected it was a black female all along. And for the record, if you have what basically is a dating site with pictures of all different types of couples (celebrity and otherwise) and you purport to be living the lifestyle that you are promoting; well then, yeah, you should have your damn picture or likeness on the site. It's just that simple.

So girlfriend, (If you are a female) you are a house Negro. And if there are brothers out there with sites bashing black women; well, then, they are house Negroes too. Promoting openness and tolerance is one thing, bashing your own race because of your own fucked up pathologies is quite another.

I hope I clarified why I posted what seemed to some of you to be a petty post earlier. There is nothing petty about the house Negroes running around among us and undermining our race. They must be called out at every turn. I don't care if they are celebrities, wanna be celebrities, or just some sista on the Net looking for "Mr Goodbar". Or, in this case, a vanilla flavored "Mr. Goodbar". If you are house Negro who prefers the comforts of the house, that's fine. But please don't try to spread that shit among other Negroes. Lord knows we have enough problems as it is.

***DISCLAIMER. None of the pictures posted above were meant to be (or have) the likeness of the individual who happens to be the subject of this post. If it just so happens that there is a true likeness of her (or him) in one of the pictures posted above, it is purely coincidental. ***

CURIOUS FIELD

This post is going to be...well, interesting. You see I was having lunch with a very nice sister the other day, and we got to talking about inter racial relationships. This eventually led to talk about a certain web site, [No direct links for you. You can link the site through one of the links below] and the interesting twist she puts on the whole interracial dating thing.

Said web site is run by a black female who promotes interracial relationships and encourages sisters to date outside of their race. OK, so far so good, because, hey, this is A-merry-ca, and to each his (or her) own as far as I am concerned. True love can be color blind, so that is not my issue.

But then I remembered, this is the same sista that was the cause of an e-fight between two talented black brothers, a fight which I think has caused an ongoing strain in their relationship. Hell, I think I even got between the tit for tat with a post or two, because I thought the entire issue with this blogger was undermining the true spirit of the Afrospear movement.

Anyway, I went to the site, of one of the brothers involved and my suspicions were confirmed. This was the same site run by the same female blogger who somehow had managed to become the object of all this discussion. Now I have no problems with this sista wanting to date outside of her race; but bashing brothers while she goes "Monsters Ball" on us is quite a different story.

So the purpose of this post is to ask this simple question: (Because I have some strong suspicions about this sista) Has anyone ever seen a picture of this blogger? If you have, could you please send me a link? Or, if the blogger herself happens to be reading this and has a photo of herself, the field would appreciate a link. **WARNING** if you send me your picture I will post it.

Maybe later I will get into why this is important; but for now, ---I am sorry to be so cryptic -- that is all I have to say :)

Peace. (I think)

What he says is even scarier than how he looks.

"Hip-hoppers do not kill themselves. They walk away. Now, I didn't need to hear the kid was white with blond hair. Once he'd shot himself in the head, no hip-hopper." Gibson later stated, "I know the shooter was white. I knew it as soon as he shot himself. Hip-hoppers don't do that. They shoot and move on to shoot again." Gibson added: "I know there's a few of you who want to call me racist. But when you do, remind -- let me remind you, African-Americans are dying in major cities because people won't face this problem."

So John Gibson, the FAKE NEWS commentator with a mug only a mother could love, knew that the Cleveland school shooter was white because he killed himself. Apparently, in Mr. Gibson's world, "hip hoppers" (I guess that's translation for black people) don't shoot themselves. They just walk away. The just keep blasting and moving on. Just like we do when we box, we like to stick and move............~~deep breath field, deep breath~~~~ I see my man plez also blogged about this, so I am glad I am not alone with my sentiments among Afrospear bloggers.

Now to be fair to the man with the mug made for radio, it is rare that black shooters take their own lives. I think that has something to do with the fact that usually when black folks are shooting it's for a purpose. Yes, you heard me right; a purpose. We are either shooting someone over money, drugs, or some other valuable---like your whip. That doesn't usually lead to someone taking their own life, because the purpose for shooting someone in the first place is to get something of value from them. Usually when white folks go on a killing spree it's to make a point, and once the point is made; well, that's pretty much all she wrote.

But back to this dumb ass John Gibson; a guy who thinks he is an authority on African Americans killing each other all of a sudden. ( I think he just watched Boyz N the Hood) When did white pundits like Gibson, Rush Limp-boy, O-lie-ly, and the other cast of characters think they can speak to matters of race in this country? I mean really. Is this some kind of revenge of the angry white right wing pundits or some shit? "Yes field we are sick of you people hijacking the racial discussion in this country. We are going to talk about it too, and if your black friends are offended, fuck em. Somebody has to tell the truth in A-merry-ca. " So this poor troubled kid takes his own life because of all the fucked up shit that was going on around him at home and at school, and these ignorant ass mother fuckers make a racial issue of it? And I am guessing the fact that he went to a predominantly black public school makes it a little harder for John Gibson and his ilk, because it all just didn't fit into the racial script. Yes there are plenty white kids going to black public schools. You should visit Philly sometimes John. Not all poor inner city kids are black.

"OK, I thought the kid was a black man, I'll admit it, until I heard he shot himself. Does that make me a racist?" No, it makes you an ignorant ass FAKE NEWS commentator with a radio friendly mug.

But here is a thought: Maybe the poor kid shot himself because he knew that if someone else shot him and he lived, his parents wouldn't be able to afford proper health care because of the frat boy's veto. "Ahhh field that's a low blow, and it's not funny, a young man is dead."

Yep, and I suspect there will be more to come before the frat boy leaves office, and his cheer leaders at FOX stop cheering.

HOUSE SPY NEEDED

"Jay Tea, I, a black chick from Harlem, formally bestow unto to you, not just the authority, but the moral authority to speak about blackness...Now do keep in mind that I voted for GWB twice, loved Rudy G, wanted to smack David Dinkins quite a few times, never ever believed a word that Anita Hill said about my hero Justice Thomas and would love nothing more than for Hillary to have her clock cleaned come November 2008...So my blackness authority to give you authority (complete moral authority) may be a bit questionable...Nevertheless, consider yourself a brother and preach on my man...Preach on...
Feel free to use my name when folks question what makes you think you are an authority...Just tell them I, a black chick, from Harlmen, bestowed upon you this most precious honor...So there!
7. Posted by Adrienne Warden October 10, 2007 3:58 PM "

The following comments were lifted from a *wingnut* web site. [No links for you] I lifted a comment from one of my cousins named Adrienne, because I wanted every one reading this post to get an idea of what goes on in the mind of a house Negro.

So if you are reading this post, and you find yourself in sync with Adrienne, I really do need your help. I know we haven't always gotten along, and many of you (House Negroes) think I am nuts to spend so much time in the fields, --when I could have it so good in the house. But could you help me just this once?

If you do this for me, I promise I won't ask you for anything else.

Here is the deal; since you are in the house with massa, I need you to pay close attention when he is talking in whispers, or when he breaks off into a room and he thinks is out of earshot. I need you to do this because I have been sensing that massa is up to something and I can't quite put my finger on it. I don't know, massa has just been making me really nervous lately. All this talk about going to war with Iran, and on a domestic level, all this shit with the nooses, and the high profile right wingers race baiting on a regular; just have us field Negroes feeling a little nervous and uneasy. I mean I can tell you that we are seriously thinking of running away from the plantation. We are so frustrated and fed up with all the shit that's going on that we are actually killing and turning on each other in record numbers. We are turning our frustrations on each other instead of on massa, and that bothers me.

So come on house Negroes, when you get some information from massa could you pass it on to me please? Let's work together on this one. Just hook your brothers in the fields up just this once. I promise I won't tell massa you told me anything. You have my word as a field Negro, and you can relax, because your place in the house will still be secure.

When the hell did this happen?

If you don't live in a city like Philly, New York, or D.C., you probably won't get this post. But I have to comment on a phenomenon I noticed today while riding the train to Center City, Philadelphia.

While sitting on the train, I couldn't help but notice all the riders with their tiny earphones hooked up to ipods, nanos, shuffles, and all types of miniature play back devices. I mean at least one in every four people had a little earphone in their ears. The shit was amazing. I sat there and kept thinking to myself; when did this happen? When did damn near every A-merry-can get an ipod? It was actually kind of neat to look at everyone and wonder just what they were listening to. The young heads in their school uniforms were probably listening to some new school rap. The older white lady with the ugly artificial fiber suit was probably listening to Sinatra, or Perry Como. The middle aged black lady was probably listening to Luther, or Rachelle Ferrell. Me, I was listening to some old school rap. A single my man Uncle L dropped about ten years ago.

"How you doin miss? My name is L I'm from QueensI heard about your man he like to lace you wit cream Dolce Gabbana, Mo-ski-no wit Donna jeansbut he slipped up, and threw his rock to a fiend He be playin like a Willie cause he dress ya dove Neva knowin that his woman is in need of love You got Versace gold link stomach chains wit rocks Official hair style but you stuck up in the spot Makin love, Duke is weak then he fallin asleep You on the phone wit your old peeps dyin to creep 'tween my sheets So what you got Chanel on your feet Hot sex on a platter makes the mission complete, uh"

I bet none of the people on the train could ever guess what I was listening to. Just some middle aged black guy in his plantation uniform. Dark suit, white shirt, wing tips. They would probably guess some old school R&B. Maybe some Teddy P. or Blue Magic. But they would be wrong. I love to get my rap or dance hall on early in the morning. I gotta get my mind right for the day. I suspect I would be wrong about some of the people on the train my damn self. That older white lady might be listening to some Wu Tang or some shit.

But you gotta love it. I know one thing, either these people are terribly restrained or they are playing some whack ass music, because no one is even moving or nodding their head to the beats they are listening to. (Whoops, I take that back. I just noticed one of my cousins who thinks she is on Soul Train or some shit) Wow, A-merry-cans are so courteous to each other. This shit would never work on the "rock". Us Jamaicans tend to be...well, how do I say this? Animated. We tend to like to express ourselves, and damn it, if we have some good music to listen to, every one around us is going to know about it.

Which leads me to another thing about the ipod's I like; you can put all your favorites on it. No excuse for any lame ass songs anywhere in your line up. Right now I have everything from Sade to King Tubby's on mine; and before I get to my stop, I will have listened to at least three of those bad boys.

"So what you got the cash flow and escro, damn But your honey ran away like presto, ala-kazam Man made the money, money never made the man You still fakin jacks throwin rocks on her hand See, you put your mack down now you Nino Brown Rock roller wit' so much ice your cap's polarI got em smokin beanies, modelin bikinis Pushin ya whip on the freeway to see me I keep it steamy, I make it burn when it's my turn Teachin shorty all the tools that you neva learned Don't get it twisted, gettin money ain't wrong But she wanna make love all night long, I'm gone"

Oh shit, I think I was nodding my head.

THE COONIES: LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS

"Cooning is a verb derived from the word coon. A coon was/is a person of African decent whose sole purpose was/is to entertain white people. These 'coons' started out as wearing black face, characterized by having big eyes and painting big red lips on their face. These people would tap dance, play instruments and sing. Modern day coons are blacks who play stereotypical roles and black entertainers that promote ignorance.Cooning is someone is acting like a 'coon'."

~~Urban Dictionary~~

Folks, I am seriously retiring the "Coonies". I hate to do it, but I already have my daily Field Negroes and Lawn Jockey alerts. So, as a result, I don't think we need the Coonies anymore. The house Negroes among us have more than enough awards among themselves to go around. Hell, Clarence could build a shelf in his home to store all of his hardware.

But before I officially hang up the Coonies; I am moved to recognize some life long coons; black folks among us who have taken cooning to whole other level. So, in their honor, I have decided to present the Lifetime Coonie Achievement Awards. This award is for the coons who have become a part of cooning lore.

But please, once again it is important to keep in mind -- with all due respect to the Urban Dictionary-- that cooning is not always singing, jigging, and making a fool of one's self. (See Eddie Griffin) There can be intellectual coons as well. Coons who might as well be jigging and singing, because the shit they prattle about on a regular is a joke. Sadly, it promotes just as much ignorance, albeit in a different way. (See Thomas Sowell)

So, without further adieu, I present my Lifetime Coonie Award winners:

1. CLARENCE THOMAS: The good justice recently wrote a book, which once again, put him on the national stage. Frankly, I have said everything that I am going to say about the affirmative action poster boy. So Clarence, make room on your shelf for one more Coonie.

2. WARD CONNERLY: Speaking of affirmative action. This brother has made it his mission in life to do away with programs that create an equal playing field for all A-merry-cans. He is from Cali, and I suspect that he has been in the California sun just tad bit too long. Like my favorite uncle, he hates his own peeps, and.....well... let's just say that they have other things in common.

3. LASHAWN BARBER: This one is personal to me, because Ms. Thing banned me awhile ago from her site, which is what made me get my own blog. I suppose I should thank her, but she is still a major coon.

4. THE TOM JOYNER MORNING CREW: This one hurts, because they actually do some good things. But honestly; what the fuck is so funny?

5. SAMMY DAVIS: Sorry Sammy, that whole rat pack shit was kind of cool and all that, but you were always the happy black guy. A posthumous Coonie for you.

6. FIFTY CENT: That shit you do is not hip hop, and it's not gangsta rap; it's cooning plain and simple. But it made you lots and lots of money, because A-merry-ca loves her coons.

7. BOBBY MCFERRIN: Sometimes one simple act can get you coon immortality. "Don't worry be happy"? Negro please!

8. GEORGE FOREMAN: Your grill might be all that, but I am sick and tired of that big goofy smile. Smoking Joe should have knocked your ass out in Kingston back in 1972.

9. JIMMIE J.J. WALKER: J.J., I know your family had some hard times in the projects, and they needed a little comic relief. But, damn it man, everything wasn't DYNOMITE!

10. NIGER INNIS: Like father like son. Who can forget what this coon said when CNN mistakenly called him "Nigger" Innis"? "Oh I though you guys thought I was a rapper or something.." Now that's classic coon behavior.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Jesse Lee Peterson: You are not popular enough just yet to be a major coon, but you have all the other coon credentials.

Snoop Dog: OK, true confessions, the only reason you are not up there with "fiddy" is because I like your flow. But all that glorification of the pimp culture is definitely coon behavior.

Jason Whitlock: Jason, you don't quite have the body of work yet, but you are getting there.

D.L. Hughley: It's a fine line between Richard Pryor and Eddie Griffin. Guess which side you are on?

Robin Quivers: All those years as Stern's side kick, putting up with his sexism,racism, and over all ignorance, makes you a major coon.

Angela McGlowan: Bamboozled huh? You are a big time coon, but one book doesn't qualify for major coon achievement status.

Tony Clayton: Long before Jena this infamous Louisiana DA was putting brothers away for notches in his belt. And, yes, he is black.