Saturday, May 21, 2011

Why am I still here?




So there I was looking at the beautiful Mrs. Field over dinner, and telling her what a wonderful ride it has been. It was about fifteen minutes to six, so we only had a little time left together. I was sure that we wouldn't be seeing each other ever again, because, quite frankly, we were going to different places.

Anywhoo, the waiter came and I thanked him for a wonderful meal. The joint was kind of high end, but what the hell, I wasn't going to pay for it.

We waited... and waited......and when the clock finally struck six I squeezed her hand and.....nothing. The waiter was standing over us with a check and asking us if we enjoyed our meal. I told him "Yes, but I never expected to pay for it". "We prepared some[checks] just in case." A wise guy, huh. Let's see how you like it with no tip. "Field, you better not stiff that man on the tip". (This is why she would have been heading up in the rapture and I would have been packing my warm weather clothes.

"Thank you folks, please come again."

I am still here, and if you are reading this, so are you. That's the good news. The bad news is, of course, that you could be gone tomorrow and that s&*^ isn't planned or predicted. One minute you are driving down the highway and.....Pow! You go all Randy Savage into an immovable object. Poor Randy, I bet he was laughing at the Judgement Day "Kooks" just like we were.

But you know who I feel sorry for in all of this? My man Harold. Apparently he has been missing since the clock struck six and there was no destruction to show for it. --Well, except for that Volcano in Iceland. I hope he doesn't take this too hard. Folks have been wrong about this kind of stuff before. I hear that his followers are devastated (see Obamaholics, you are not alone), and they are pretty much in a major depression mode over what to do next.

I guess Harold could go back to the good book and revise his notes. But he has to be careful, the big guy has a cruel sense of humor. It's been lord knows who long and we are all still waiting around.

I know one person in A-merry-ca who wishes that that the world did end at six o clock today. That would be one Newt Gingrich. After the week he had last week I even started feeling sorry for him... Not!

Anyway, it's a good thing that he has handlers around him who can fight back and let the haters have it.

"The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding," ..... "Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world."

The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness,....They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment's cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods......

Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked,....A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won't be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces." [Source]






Why couldn't the rapture just take some people?







44 comments:

Carolyn Moon (Amina) said...

Field it was wonderful to hear that you took your beautiful life partner out to dinner. Maybe what Joanne said in a previous post served as epiphany for you, however,your satire may be at work here and you do KNOW what you have!

Having said that; this apocalyptic
forecasting and the thousands of people who are now wondering what to do without a home and financial means; is really quite sad. We are still here but we don't know how long we have either by a doomsday
event or just living life. All that money Harold amassed as a result of his "prophesy" should be disbursed to the followers who gave up everything. We'd all be surprise though if that happened.

What is amazing to me is there were a number of naysayers and jokes, yet, considerable time by the media and blogs suggest that there is a certain discomfort with this sort of thing.

Oh btw; don't take this the wrong way but Lisa Turtle doesn't look like that picture you've had on your blog for some time. I'm just saying....

Take care!

Carolyn Moon (Amina) said...

Oh I forgot to add this site; The Borowitz Report has a comical twist on this doomsday forecast from the omnipotent one.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/

Anonymous said...

Carolyn Moon (Amina) said...
Oh I forgot to add this site; The Borowitz Report has a comical twist on this doomsday forecast from the omnipotent one.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/


Cool, I want to hear Obama's take on this..

Anonymous said...

"Oh btw; don't take this the wrong way but Lisa Turtle doesn't look like that picture you've had on your blog for some time. I'm just saying...."

bullshit. she looks EXACTLY like that photo field put up. Please do not discourage the man on doomsday. he has a depression that no medication can help but Lisa Turtle can.

Anonymous said...

Lisa turtle? Is that a sexual position? I knew a lisa once and I think we did the 'one eyed turtle"

Anonymous said...

field, "But you know who I feel sorry for in all of this? My man Harold. Apparently he has been missing since the clock struck six and there was no destruction to show for it."

Breaking News about Harold: He was last seen looking for some land in Guyana for himself and his followers. I don't know where Guyana is, but it sure sounds familiar.

Anonymous said...

Obama: Nationalized healthcare; so did Hitler.

Obama: Nationalized the banks, so did Hitler.

Obama: Nationalized the car cos, so did Hitler.

Obama: Seeking to ‘reform’ education, same as Hitler.

Mold

Anonymous said...

Mold, you are full of it. Obama doesn't want to nationalize anything. He is for the little guy.

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

Surprise! Surprise! Harold Camping certainly had no intentions of giving money away before May 21.

Excerpt:

Tax returns indicate that the radio ministry raised a staggering $100 million dollars over the past seven years. The ministry also owns 66 radio stations worldwide valued at $72 million in 2009.

Not to mention donations have soared as well. The contribution comes from radio listeners, according to Tom Evans, board member of Family Radio.

However, Camping claims that it is not about the money, but spreading the message and saving as many people as possible.

"When Judgment Day comes, if someone is a billionaire, how will they take their money with them? If we have any money left, and we will because we have to pay bills up to the very end "... it will all be destroyed because the world will be in a day of judgment.

"The money is not important at all. It's a vehicle to spread the judgment and a vehicle of the Lord."

According to Camping, "I've never taken one nickel out of Family Radio. Many evangelists have become very rich, but my wife and I live very modestly."

"We have no interest in talking about money. We never tell people what to do with their money, that's between them and God."

And in case one might wonder, Family Radio has no intention of giving away their money before May 21.

The explanation?

"There isn't going to be a Saturday. So certainly none of Family Radio's assets will be left because it won't matter," says Evans.

http://hken.ibtimes.com/articles/148239/20110520/may-21st-doomsday-does-harold-camping

Anonymous said...

ms ann g mymar you are trying to make harold look bad. God is not happy with your disrespect to harold who has never taken a nickel out of the basket. that can only happen if the minister is White. No Negro minister could EVER do that. that money would have been long gone if harold had been Black.

and you know it's true.

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

Anonymous said...
Obama: Nationalized healthcare; so did Hitler.
----

This is utter nonsense! It's so insipid, I should just ignore it!

The German's were an advanced country long before Hitler got a hold of it. As a matter of fact, their Welfare State is the oldest of any modern nation. They have had universal health-care since 1881. This also included retirement benefits and assistance for the disabled. In 1949, 4 years after Hitler, the Germans reinforced the Welfare State with Basic Law-declaring to always take care of its citizens.

What you should be asking is how a country that was bankrupted by WWI, bomb into oblivion in WWII,became the most hated nation on earth, yet, created a larger middle class and a more educated citizenry- than America? Ironically, America has the smallest middle class out of all of the industrialized nations.

Anonymous said...

I actually heard "Family Radio" in the wee small hours of Thursday night/Friday morning. I was driving south on I-5 and was just picking up what ever was out there. The minister with the mellifluous voice told one caller that the time would be 6:00 pm where ever 6 was at the time and it would move around the world. The caller seemed satisfied.

Actually, since many police stations don't accept missing persons reports for 24 hours,* sometimes for as long as 72 hours, it is possible that we won't know for several days who among us was "raptured."

I am still here; so I just need to find the Devil to try and cut a new deal....
LC

Anonymous said...

*I was thinking of Matrice Richards.

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am still here; so I just need to find the Devil to try and cut a new deal....
----
I just talked to the Devil. He said, go to bed.

Bing Crosby said...

Ms Any Vagina Said...

"What you should be asking is how a country that was bankrupted by WWI, bomb into oblivion in WWII,became the most hated nation on earth, yet, created a larger middle class and a more educated citizenry- than America? Ironically, America has the smallest middle class out of all of the industrialized nations".

Who knew we had a pro german/commy facist on the blog? Nice to see ya comrade any vagina. Well, the answer to your insipid question is as simple as the hanky on your head.

German 91.5%, Turkish 2.4%, Italian 0.7%, Greek 0.4%, Polish 0.4%, other 4.6%

Germany is approx 94% white. With this extremely low number of minorities there are much fewer eternal victims and takers and a lot of creators. In fact they support the EU union economically.

Now how is that different to the U.S? Huh Hanky head? You do the math. Gesundheit and Ziegfield follies.

Mable Sirrup said...

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...
Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am still here; so I just need to find the Devil to try and cut a new deal....
----
I just talked to the Devil. He said, go to bed.


You need a hearing aid, that wasn't the devil and he didn't say "go to bed" it was God and he said "take the hankie from thy head" oh and "wash they Dreds"

no_slappz said...

This is what Obama supports when he tells America and the Islamic world that Islam is not the problem.


Saudi woman detained for defying driving ban

May 21, 6:07 PM (ET)

By ABDULLAH AL-SHIHRI

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia (AP) - Authorities detained a Saudi woman on Saturday after she launched a campaign against the driving ban for women in the ultraconservative kingdom and posted a video of herself behind the wheel on Facebook and YouTube to encourage others to copy her.

Manal al-Sherif and a group of other women started a Facebook page called "Teach me how to drive so I can protect myself," which urges authorities to lift the driving ban.

She went on a test drive in the eastern city of Khobar and later posted a video of the experience.

"This is a volunteer campaign to help the girls of this country" learn to drive, al-Sherif says in the video. "At least for times of emergency, God forbid. What if whoever is driving them gets a heart attack?"

Human rights activist Walid Abou el-Kheir said al-Sherif was detained by the country's religious police, who are charged with ensuring the kingdom's rigid interpretation of Islamic teachings are observed.

Al-Sherif was released hours later, according to the campaign's Twitter account. The terms of her release were not immediately clear.

Saudi Arabia is the only country in the world to ban women - both Saudi and foreign - from driving.

The prohibition forces families to hire live-in drivers, and those who cannot afford the $300 to $400 a month for a driver must rely on male relatives to drive them to work, school, shopping or the doctor.

Women are also barred from voting, except for chamber of commerce elections in two cities in recent years, and no woman can sit on the kingdom's Cabinet. Women also cannot travel without permission from a male guardian and shouldn't mingle with males who are not their husbands or brothers.

The campaigners have focused on the importance of women driving in times of emergencies and in the case of low-income families.

Al-Sherif said unlike the traditional argument in Saudi Arabia that driving exposes women to sinful temptations by allowing them to mingle with policemen and mechanics, women who drive can avoid sexual harassment from their drivers and protect their "dignity."

Through Facebook, the campaigners are calling for a mass drive on June 17 and more than 12,000 people viewing the page have indicated they support the call. To encourage women to get behind the wheel, al-Sherif went for a drive on Friday as another activist filmed her.

Dressed in a headscarf and the all-encompassing black abaya all women must wear in public, al-Sharif said not all Saudi women are "queens" who can afford to hire a driver.

She extolled the virtues of driving for women, saying it can save lives, and time, as well as a woman's dignity. Al-Sharif said she learned how to drive at the age of 30 in New Hampshire.

"We are humiliated sometimes because we can't find a taxi to take us to work," she said.

On their Facebook page, the group says women joining the campaign should not challenge authorities if they were stopped and questioned, and should abide by the country's strict dress code.

"We want to live as complete citizens, without the humiliation that we are subjected to every day because we are tied to a driver," the Facebook message reads. "We are not here to break the law or demonstrate or challenge the authorities, we are here to claim one of our simplest rights."

no_slappz said...

field writes:

I know one person in A-merry-ca who wishes that that the world did end at six o clock today. That would be one Newt Gingrich.

Gingrich is not headed for the presidency. He's not even headed for the Republican nomination.

It's obvious now that presidential candidates must be younger, under 60.

Clinton defeated two opponents who were over 60. GWB, Gore and Kerry were all under 60, and Obama defeated McCain, who was about 70.

However, Reagan was quite a bit older than Carter. Inasmuch as Obama is the reincarnation of Carter, voters might accept a Republican nominee who is a little over 60.

But the best choices are under 60. Mitt Romney and Rick Perry.

field negro said...

"Oh btw; don't take this the wrong way but Lisa Turtle doesn't look like that picture you've had on your blog for some time. I'm just saying...."


Now see Carolyn, and I actually liked you. The world can be so cruel at times. Why can't time just stop for some people?

Please don't take my memories.:(


"Anonymous Anonymous said...
I am still here; so I just need to find the Devil to try and cut a new deal....
----
I just talked to the Devil. He said, go to bed."

*laughing really hard*

100 MILLION IN SEVEN YEARS? DAMN!
Well did he give it all away since he wasn't going to be here?

Anonymous said...

granny did jesus give you a ride on his disco stick yeterday?

Desertflower said...

HEEEUckheeeukheeuuk! and LOL! As usual I'm having my morning coffee, and graham crackers,(yes, I just got up :0,aaaaaaaaaand?) and getting my morning laughs here with all the anon comedians! I swear sometimes it's like a roast in here! LOL! I love it! I love this Don Rickles type humor in here.

As for the GOP, well, I don't think they have anybody that can, or is seriously considering running against Obama. Right know he would lose.
So any potentially "good" candidate they may have, I think they'll wait till next quadrennium to pit against the POTUS.

LACoincidental said...

Right now, I think all the GOP people cranks and crazies are being put out to clear the way for Mitt Romney.
Between Newt's political Alzheimer's and Tim Pawlenty making campaign into a Micheal Bay movie does Obama have anything to worry about at this early stage?

As for the Camping and his End of the World predictions - every serious Christian knew this was the joke, because predicting the day of God's return is one of the most fundamentally unbiblical things for religious people to do.

LACoincidental said...

Watching the Hopkins/Pascal fight. Damn, I wish could perform that well at 46. Yeah, he definitely belong in the house for his comments about McNabb. But that 'old man' made it happen and showed why he's outlasted his old nemesis, Roy Jones, Jr.

Sorry folks, but no sport I love more than MMA.

Desertflower said...

LACoincidental said...
"As for the Camping and his End of the World predictions - every serious Christian knew this was the joke, because predicting the day of God's return is one of the most fundamentally unbiblical things for religious people to do."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While it is true that the Scriptures say that only "He will know the time". I believe in always keeping an open mind, because there may come a prophet. We must not be so mired in dogma and legalities that we do not leave open the heart and mind to the power of the Holy Ghost.
"He will come like a thief in the night" But what did the "religious" do to Jesus Christ? What did the legalities of their Scriptures, the Torah, say as pertained to Him. This is why I pray to one God. and I always try to keep my heart and soul open to the possibility of God speaking through his prophets. I feel that is also "religious" and "biblical.

jacked UP jazz said...

Field

I have been lurking on your blog for couple months but now I gots to decloak cause that was some funny shite. Brotha scheming on the rapture trying to take his wife out for a freebie high end meal. Now that's some serious FNB

Otto said...

Aunt Jemima said:
What you should be asking is how a country that was bankrupted by WWI, bomb into oblivion in WWII,became the most hated nation on earth, yet, created a larger middle class and a more educated citizenry- than America?
--------

They don't have huge, non-productive, academically-challenged monority populations to support.

Same for Japan.

Anton Rasse said...

Otto said...
>They don't have huge, non-productive, academically-challenged monority populations to support.

Same for Japan.<


Japan is homogeneous. This means Japanese never even think about a host of problems that torment Americans. Since Japan has only one race, no one worries about racism. … When a company needs to hire someone, it doesn’t give a thought to ‘ethnic balance,’ it just hires the best person.

Of course, to well-indoctrinated Politically Correct white Americans, Japan’s lack of racial problems must seem like a bug, not a feature. How do they demonstrate their moral superiority over each other without minorities to use as props?

sowersh said...

Brotha scheming on the rapture trying to take his wife out for a freebie high end meal.

And u think a black person would behave differently?

field negro said...

Watching the Hopkins/Pascal fight. Damn, I wish could perform that well at 46. Yeah, he definitely belong in the house for his comments about McNabb. But that 'old man' made it happen and showed why he's outlasted his old nemesis, Roy Jones, Jr."

Yep! Caught some of the fight. He did Philly proud. But he has to study up on the FN HN dynamic.

Sup jacked up? Yes, I thought I would give it a shot? Thanks for lurking and steppng out.


sowersh, I saw a lot of white folks in that restaurant. Were they planning on paying? I bet they didn't leave as big a tip as I did. :)

Mack Lyons said...

"Japan is homogeneous. This means Japanese never even think about a host of problems that torment Americans. Since Japan has only one race, no one worries about racism. … When a company needs to hire someone, it doesn’t give a thought to ‘ethnic balance,’ it just hires the best person."

If they can find "the best person". The biggest worry prior to the earthquake/tsunami was how the negative birthrate combined with a rapidly aging population would leave gaps in the workforce pool available for companies, and how they would inevitably have to allow more foreign workers into the country to fill in those gaps.

Those Japanese don't react well to non-Japanese. The Burakumin and half-Japanese who are constantly reminded of their "Other" status through officially logged family registers can attest to that.

Anton Rasse said...

Mack Lyons said...
>Those Japanese don't react well to non-Japanese. The Burakumin and half-Japanese who are constantly reminded of their "Other" status through officially logged family registers can attest to that.<

Sure, the Japanese don't allow immigration (except for ethnic Japanese back form places like Peru), but everbody "knows" Americans are the only racist people in the world. Stay with the program, Mack.

Anonymous said...

I bet they didn't leave as big a tip as I did.

nigga please, i am black and hate waitin on black folk. obviously you haven't worked food servcie cause we don't tip

field negro said...

"nigga please, i am black and hate waitin on black folk. obviously you haven't worked food servcie cause we don't tip.."

Where do you work? Red Lobster?

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

Otto said...
They don't have huge, non-productive, academically-challenged monority populations to support.
------
Anton Rasse said...
Since Japan has only one race, no one worries about racism. … When a company needs to hire someone, it doesn’t give a thought to ‘ethnic balance,’ it just hires the best person.
------

What racist nonsensical drivel.Your implication that the Germans excelled because they didn't have an unproductive minority is ridiculous. But under Hitler they created several. The disabled, mentally ill, the Gypsies and ultimately, the Jews were all declared as leeches on German society. Therefore, when Germany created scapegoats for its defeat after WWI, that tactic is what lead to their ultimate defeat in WWII. In other words, Racism is what ruined the great Germany.

As far as Japan only having one race, again this is a racist statement. There is only one race! It's called the Human Race.
Scientists have concluded that is only one race of humans. The issues of race that we fight about in America, are social constructs-not scientific.

If you know of another race of humans, please let us know.

elesc said...

Notice FN did not disagree with your tipping statement. Does it matter if he/she works at red lobster. You are not being classist are you? Looking at hte stats for black folks, I would think RL would be a great job for many. But wait, you cannot sag your pants and work there, so they would rather sit on their porches and smoke. Anwyays I digress...

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

Blogger no_slappz said...
But the best choices are under 60. Mitt Romney and Rick Perry
------
This is excellent! One wears magic Mormon panties to keep away evil spirits, the other is a closet Queen who supports anti-gay legislation.

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

Anonymous elesc said...
so they would rather sit on their porches and smoke.
---

Are you talking about my redneck neighbors? Because that is exactly what they are doing.

field negro said...

Notice FN did not disagree with your tipping statement."

You must be new here. I have blogged about this subject here before. That is a myth. Black folks are no different than any other folks when it comes to tipping. Well...except the Irish, they are the best tippers.

Carolyn Moon (Amina) said...

I agree there is only ONE HUMAN RACE; it's just those different ETHNIC GROUPS with varying physical features, hues, cultural mores, religious tenets and philosophical perspectives who keep stuff going all the time!!!

Anonymous said...

Ms Any Vagina Said....

As far as Japan only having one race, again this is a racist statement. There is only one race! It's called the Human Race.
Scientists have concluded that is only one race of humans. The issues of race that we fight about in America, are social constructs-not scientific.

If you know of another race of humans, please let us know.

Nonsense right back at ya silly hanky head, racist, racist, racist, wahh, wahhh, get with the real world little thing. Race is not a "social construct" as failed liberals would like the world to believe. Man is not all equally competent, there are specific attributes by race that have been scientifically proven. Check your science and genetics, although I am not going to get into that discussion with a blabbering simpleminded politically correct above all liberal. It's not fair...wahhhhhhhh, Work with what you got and capitalize on your strengths, don't think changing the language makes the truth go away.

Ms. Ann G. Myma said...

Arnold Schwarzenegger was always a creep. This is from an interview he did in 1977 with Oui Magazine

Schwarzenegger's Sex Talk
Excerpt:

"Bodybuilders party a lot, and once, in Gold's--the gym in Venice, California, where all the top guys train--there was a black girl who came out naked. Everybody jumped on her and took her upstairs, where we all got together." Asked by Manso if he was talking about a "gang bang," Schwarzenegger answered, "Yes, but not everybody, just the guys who can fuck in front of other guys. Not everybody can do that. Some think that they don't have a big-enough cock, so they can't get a hard-on. Having chicks around is the kind of thing that breaks up the intense training. It gives you relief, and then afterward you go back to the serious stuff."

con't
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/celebrity/schwarzeneggers-sex-talk

Anonymous said...

It wasn't group sex, arnold is a rapist.

http://www.blackvoicenews.com/more-sections/8-commentary/36221-did-schwarzenegger-and-his-buddies-rape-a-black-girl-does-anybody-care.html

Bob said...

I imagined Jesus coming down, sending all the saved ones upward, then staying here. "Why aren't you coming with us, Jesus?" ask the flying saints. Jesus says,"cause the people need me are ones left here, & I wanna stay with them until they all fly away with me."

Carolyn Moon (Amina) said...

@Bob: An interesting take and a rather hopeful one. Hmmmm.....