Who is really supporting the American family?

I was thinking about how republicans like to claim that progressives want to control every aspect of their lives with everything from health care reform to laws that make it harder for us to kill our children.

"Leave us alone", they scream. "This is a nanny state". "Keep your hands off of my money and my guns". 

Then I read a wonderful article by a colleague of mine who happens to be a fine family lawyer who has tried cases before me in the past. She wrote it over a year ago for the Huffington Post, but I think that given the social climate in our country it is worth revisiting.

"Rick Santorum and his tea-partying cohorts have their knickers all in a knot about the government telling people what to do with their money. As in the government making them pay for health insurance. Or making them pay more income tax. Or using their tax dollars to educate other people's children.

At the same time, they're all pumped up about the sanctity of marriage and family. Marriage and family meaning mom, dad and kids, everyone neatly organized in a hierarchy, with dad at the helm, providing for the flock. And sanctity meaning no outside intrusion, no government telling them that their children have to learn about sex or birth control or gay people or evolution.

So how would Rick and the tea-partiers feel if the government told them exactly how much money they had to spend on their children every month? And wage-attached their pay checks and deposited those funds in their ex-wives' bank accounts? What if the government took a 401(k) titled in a tea-partier's name and gave part of it to his ex-wife without his consent? Or worse yet, took his real estate and made him pay his wife half the value of it? Talk about the heavy hand of the state invading the innermost sanctum of the family -- it's a tea-partier's worst nightmare.

But these are, in fact, our society's actual family values. We collectively agreed, sometime in the latter part of the twentieth century, to empower the government to re-distribute wealth within the family. We routinely force one parent to pay the other parent. It's called child support. In those fabled "one in two marriages," we frequently take property paid for by one spouse and give it to the other spouse. It's called divorce. And we're very comfortable with this re-distribution. We think it protects the young, the weak and the vulnerable. We believe it creates, to quote my state's divorce code, economic justice.
 
Wouldn't Newt Gingrich cry socialism? And wouldn't he be right? Let's be honest -- this is the best of Karl Marx, pure and unadulterated. "From each {parent} according to his ability, to each {child} according to his need" is a pitch-perfect summary of the policy underlying child support laws. 
 
Just imagine if these laws came up for vote in today's legislatures. Picture the outrage, the denouncements, the fiery speeches about keeping the government out of our living rooms and our bank accounts. But if we count on parents to provide for their children, and spouses to share nicely after they split, what are we supposed to do when they don't? Doesn't it become all of our problem? And isn't that the point? Just like the homeless, the sick and the poor -- the extended family that is our community.

Let's be thankful that Rick, Newt and their brethren haven't started deconstructing family law yet, because if they do, it could be just like contraception: we could be about to witness the implosion of a social policy that we haven't given even a second thought to for decades. And we'll be caught unawares -- us women, that is -- hurtling back through time, casting off divorce laws along with birth control pills, in our race to a darker, earlier era where we will eventually land, barefoot, pregnant, and without access to the bank account." [Source]

In the world of Rick, Newt, and all of his quixotic dreamers, there will be no need for things like child support. This social contract that we have all collectively signed on to is no longer needed. Because, in their world, all marriages will be perfect. Inconveniences like divorce and single parenthood is not even considered. We have churches for that. Can we try universal and affordable health care? Nope.Who needs it? All we have to do is pray. 




  

I lie, I owe, so off to jail I go.

Before I drop this next post I want to acknowledge all the beautiful people I met at the Blogging While Brown conference over the past two days. (Anslem,I see you doing big things at Jet Magazine. Congrats! Sean, congrats on your big move to the Mayor's office in the Big D as well.) You all are some serious field Negroes. Folks like Nathan from the Color Curve, Curvy CEO,Brotha Tech , Darryl from From Ashey to Classy, (loved being on the panel with you and Slim Jackson) Lamar and his beautiful family still holding it down in ATL, Soca Mom, a fellow West Indian, (and republican to boot) putting in work for her family among you Negroes in D.C., and a beautiful sister from the Chi who knows a thing or two about wines.

Props to Gina for getting this thing going five years ago, it's only going to get bigger and bigger.

Now on to some bad news: I loved how Evander Holyfield put in work in the boxing ring back in the day, that's why I want to help him with his latest little problem.

"Evander Holyfield was one of the great boxing stars of the 1990s and amassed more than a quarter of a billion dollars in purses during his illustrious career. Apparently, though, $250 million doesn't go as far as it used to.
Holyfield, who filed bankruptcy in Fayette County, Ga., in 2008, reportedly owes in excess of $372,000 in child support and may wind up in jail if he does not resolve the issue, according to a TMZ report.

In both 2008 and 2009, his massive 54,000 square-foot home in Fairburn, Ga., went into foreclosure. The home, which sits on 104 acres, has 109 rooms, including 17 bathrooms, three kitchens and a bowling alley. He's had numerous financial issues in the years since.

On Saturday, TMZ reported that the Georgia Department of Human Services has gone to court on behalf of Holyfield's 18-year-old daughter. It alleged he owes $372,097.40 in child support that has gone unpaid since April 2010. According to a 2009 report in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Holyfield has child support payments of more than $500,000 a year. He has at least 11 children." [Source]

Champ, I know a thing or two about this child support thing, so please give me a call ASAP so that I can help you out with this problem. I do not want to see you go to jail for owing child support.

I  could refer you to a wonderful financial planner as well, but unfortunately it might be a bit late for that.

Finally, it looks like a certain person from Central Florida will have to turn himself in to authorities after lying to the court about his finances.

This probably will not come up at trial, because it is not relevant to what happened on that tragic night. But credibility is always an issue with the court. Especially when the other witness to what happened is dead.







   

A secret trip to Afghanistan and a not so secret trip to Negromerica.

O made a secret -and surprise- trip to Afghanistan and gave a "win one for the Gipper" speech to the troops.  (That sound you hear is wingnut heads exploding. I think he is "spiking the football" in the end zone. )"I could not be prouder of you...there is a light on the horizon because of the sacrifice you have made". Good for you, O. The troops needed a pep talk from their CIC.

Unfortunately, it looks like we will be in Afghanistan for at least two more years. That is not what I wanted to hear. One more day in Afghanistan is one day too much as far as I am concerned, so I will have to jump off the O train when it comes to his Afghan policy.

But enough of all this foreign policy talk. Let's talk about a little national politics.

Did you know that President Obama won the election because he is black?

 "He was a historic figure. He’s our first African-American president. The country voted for him because of that. It made us feel good about [our]self. I’ve said it before, it helped that John McCain was about 142 years old. It helped that the economy was tanking. A lot of these things helped. But he never would have gotten there without his historic nature. " [Source]

Yes, because God forbid a black man actually got something on merit.

I love these comments:

" Never happened to the good old days when being black wasn't so cool? I bet they miss slavery, Jim Crowe, the 50's...Good times...Good times...

· 95% of blacks voted AGAINST Jessie Jackson, Al Sharpton, Alan Keyes, Shirley Chisolm, Lenora Fulani, in favor of Carter, Mondale, Kerry, and Gore. Those are the facts....

· So Obama won because he was black ? Is it safe to assume that the 43 white president won because they weren't ?

· I'd rather be elected because I was black; than be elected because I lied about being a dead-beat dad.

· Boehner was only elected speaker of the house because he's orange.

· thought Clinton was the first black President. Obama is the first white black President.

· We elected 1 black guy because he's black ? Why did we elect 43 white men in a row ?

Yes, because every other Black person who's run for President has been extremely successful!

We all fondly look back on the Presidencies of Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Alan Keyes, Carol Moseley Braun, Cynthia McKinney, and Herman Cain, right?

I mean that's all you need to be is Black, right?

Black folks vote for Black folks right? Who cares if John Kerry got 90% of the Black vote in 2004? That must mean he's a secret Black!"

Oh yes, there is that "dead beat" thing. Isn't this the guy who owes his wife over $117,000.00 for child support? Owed field. He settled with her.

Well that explains it. No wonder he is chirping off about O's race. There is nothing like clearing up those child support issues to help you get your voice back.

Anywhoo, I took a trip to Negromerica today, and I have some thoughts:

First, you Negroes need to stop sending your children off to school with soda pop and potato chips. That is not a "breakfast of champions". No wonder your kids can't learn in school.

Second, it's called a child safety seat for a reason. If you have a damn toddler in your car they should be strapped into a child safety seat. Their little bodies need all the protection they can get in case of a sudden impact. This device really doesn't cost that much. I see some of you with handbags that are worth twice as much. Invest a little of that money into your child's safety.

Third, why are there so many satellite dishes? It seems like every other house in Negromerica has a satellite dish. That cannot be a good thing.  

Finally, if I ever get elected to city council, the first bill I will introduce will be one limiting the amount of churches and liquor stores within certain areas.

Why? Because driving through Negromerica you would think that all Negroes do is drink and pray. 

    

   

Oh hell no!

This ignorant Negro must be trying to start a small country all by his damn self. (The Republic Of Dumb Negro)

When someone e-mailed this story to me I was hoping that it was a hoax. But sadly, given what I do for a living, I knew that it was most likely true.

So here comes Desmond Hatchett, a Negro with the super sperm who doesn't believe in covering up his johnson when he is...ahem, performing. So this Negro has 21 children with 11 different women and he is 29 years old. That was not a misprint: I SAID 21 CHILDREN WITH 11 DIFFERENT WOMEN AND HE IS 29 YEARS OLD! Now that's bad, but what is even worse is that old Desmond has a minimum wage job. So, as far as paying child support goes, Desmond has a problem.

But it's not all bad with Desmond; he insists that he knows all his kids names and birth dates, and he swears he won't be having anymore.

"I'm done. I'll say I'm done,... I didn't intend to have this many. It just happened." Calling Dr. Mengele.

Desmond, I don't believe you. And how did it "just happen"? I mean come on Desmond, you must have been doing some serious "Macking" to pull all those women, and when you did pull them, you must have convinced them that bare is best. And speaking of women: (To all my feminist friends you can get ready with your comments now) Just what the hell were women numbers eight to eleven thinking when they hooked up with old Desmond? I mean hypothetically speaking; if the boy is 21 and has 15 kids, what kind of future do you think you will have if after a night of fun with old Desmond, you have to pass on the Tampax section in the store for the next few months?

"He had four children in a single year – twice." That boy stayed busy.

"One of the mothers said that she struggled to feed her young son.
'He's a heavy milk drinker and milk is not cheap,' she said. " Calling Doctor Tiller.

This story is tragic and sad on so many levels that I don't know where to start. The lack of self esteem from these women, the flip way that Desmond views fatherhood, twenty one children who will grow up without a father, and eleven mothers who will never have the real support that they need--- financially or otherwise--- for their children. "Some of the Hatchett’s baby mamas only receive $1.98 a month in child support". (Mminimum wage)

$1.98 per month. Desmond, I think it's time to get a second job.

It's your call.

I need everyone reading this, just for tonight, to pretend that they are family court judges.

I am going to give you all a hypothetical situation. This is a made up scenario, so if the name I use is the same as a living person in a similar situation, it is totally coincidental. Anyway, here is the deal:

You have before you, John Smith, who is 35 years old and has ten children with six different women. Unlike Travis Henry, (whose sperm cells can probably bench press more than he can) Mr. Smith has no income or assets. Five of the women receive cash assistance from welfare, and Mr. Smith doesn't have a job, and doesn't support his children emotionally or financially. In fact, he lives with a woman who has two children of her own (not his) and she gets welfare, herself.

A child support order was entered against Mr. Smith in three cases for four of his children, but after the wage garnishments started he quit his job. Subsequently, Mr. Smith went out and had six more children with three different women.

Now Mr. Smith has been found in contempt of court for failure to pay his previous child support orders, and he stands in front of you. How do you sentence him? Oh, and forget about the sentencing guidelines. You can give Mr. Smith any sentence you want. It can be as harsh as the death penalty, or you can set him free with zero jail time.

Your Honor, we await your ruling.

We are in a recession: it might be cheaper to keep her.

Every now and then I need to get some help from you, my field Negro (and honorary field Negro) friends, about some issues that I struggle with.

Now I don't want to be too cryptic, but I write under certain constraints that I don't want to get into, so forgive me if I am not my usual forthcoming self with you.

Anyway, I have a hypothetical question for you folks:

Why is it that some men choose to leave their perfectly intact family, (or a child they fathered) and hook up with a new par amour who has children of her own, and then he treats those step children better than his own? But even worse; if there is an obligation to pay support to his biological children, where does he get the audacity to ask the court to reduce his support order because he has the added responsibility of a new family?

And another thing: why is it that non-custodial parents who are women refuse to pay child support? They could make a million dollars a year and you would have to bring them into support court kicking and screaming to take care of their obligations. One woman told me that she carried that child for nine months and felt the pain of bearing him, so she would be damned if she would give money to some man who got custody of their child for the sole purpose of not paying child support.

Oh, and brothers, just a thought here: Unless you have Will Smith type loot; It's hard to build wealth when you have three different child support payments coming out of your check. I don't care how much money you make, most state child support guidelines make support orders proportionate to your income. So you might want to think about that the next time you go wetting your whistle after peeking a big butt and a smile. It's not only your health you have to think about, it's your financial future as well.

But those were just some hypothetical situations, and I was just thinking out loud.

I couldn't make this shit up: Please buy the book.

I was kicking it with an old colleague today and we were exchanging war stories about life on the domestic relations front. He was amazed that I have been able to hang in there for so long, and do the job that I do. All that anger, all that hostility, and all that emotional baggage people bring to the table day in and day out. So fam wanted to know when the book was coming out.


Later on in the day I found myself thinking; what if there was a book, what would I write about?

Would I write about the 28 year old grandmother who appeared and demanded that the court act more responsibly in finding the defendant in her case? Would I write about the half brother and half sister who appeared as parents in a case, and didn't know that they were related until their son was born? A son, by the way, who is on SSI for obvious reasons . Apparently, their father had laid his seed all over the city, and they had never found out about each other until it was too late. I could also dedicate a page or two to the gentleman who fathered six children by six different women, (Five of them receiving cash assistance from the state) and still found time to hit on some of the female workers in our court. Yeah my man was funny.


Then I could dedicate an entire chapter to all the defendants out here who are paying support for children that more than likely aren't theirs. How do I know? Let's just say that when a plaintiff comes in on three different cases and all three of the defendants are excluded as the father after they opt for a DNA test, but a fourth defendant doesn't take the test and starts paying support. It's a pretty good chance that contestant number four might not be the father either. Then I could write about the ones who actually take the test, are excluded, but they are ordered to pay support anyway because they had held themselves out as the father to begin with. (Hey, "the law can be an ass" what can I tell you?)


I would dedicate another chapter to female defendants (Kitty feel free to comment after this post) and how hard it is to get them to pay child support. "I carried that child for nine months, I will be damned if I am going to pay support to a no good father who wasn't in his life for the first few years." In that same chapter, I would talk about the differences between sisters and white women. A sister will always be willing to come down on the child support order if the brother will just agree to spend more time with the child. Not a white woman, she will come to court with two lawyers if she has to get every penny that she thinks is owed to her. Now to be fair, this might be an economic phenomenon. Because I have seen wealthier sisters do the same thing. It seems that the poorer the litigants the more they are willing to come to a compromise and have outside agreements with each other. Which is somewhat ironic, because you would think the folks that needed the money the most would be willing to fight harder for every penny that's owed to them.


Finally, I think I would close the book by writing about all the wonderful grandparents (particularly grandmothers) who are holding it down out here, and who are increasingly becoming custodial parents of their own grand children. Most of these children were abandoned because their parents were either on drugs, in jail, or were just incapable of holding it down. Grandparents, by the way, make very good plaintiffs. They always cooperate with the court, and you can tell they always have the child's best interest at heart. Hey considering what the body of the book will be like, it will be important to end it on a positive note.


Now if I can just find a publisher and a way to promote this bad boy. Hey is Oprah still in South Africa?

"Baby Daddy Drama"

People who are regular readers of this blog, know that I am pretty much a libertarian when it comes to social matters, and people's behavior in their bedrooms. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, I really could care less what you do in the privacy of your own home. Want to sleep with women, cool with me. Want to sleep with men, cool with me. Want to sleep with your pet rabbit or your German Shepard; I really don't give a f**k.

But having said that, I want to draw the line on certain forms of bedroom behavior and I am going to tell you why: Today I was having lunch with a colleague who happens to be a prosecutor in our local child support office here. And during lunch he was telling me about a plaintiff who was reading him the riot act in court, all because she didn't think the city was doing enough to get child support from her babies father. She was dropping the "F" bomb, and carrying on so much that she almost had to be arrested her damn self for disrupting the courtroom. So of course I asked the question that those of us in this business always ask each other. An unfortunate little inside joke that we all share among ourselves. "How many cases did the defendant have?" "Take a guess field." He was laughing, but not really, it was more like a; I have to laugh to keep from crying kind of laugh. "Ahhh three." "Try five. Yep, her baby daddy had five damn cases. All active, and he was not paying on any of them, and she was mad at me."

So back to that line I want to draw. And some of you are going to be mad at me for this; but I have to keep it 100% with you. As I said earlier, I have no problem with the private behavior of adults as long as it's consensual. That is, at least, until your damn behavior starts affecting me. See it's like this: When you go around having babies for mother f*****s who are not taking care of the children they already have, then it's a problem. When you meet a man who has three, four, or five kids with say three different women, and he is spending more time with you than with his damn kids; well then we have a problem. Because guess what; someone is going to have to take care of your children, because more often or not you are not going to have the means to do it by your lonesome. Unfortunately you are going to end up in court one day, begging some poor District Attorney to help you get the child support money that your baby daddy owes you.

And before we make this a gender battle, let me say right now for the record: As a man I am ashamed of some of these trifling ass brothers out here having multiple children with different women and not handling their responsibilities as fathers. But...(you knew that was coming) my question to the ladies is this: Do you have to give up the unprotected booty to these brothers? I mean seriously, if the mother f*****r is not taking care of the children he has with some other poor woman, what makes you think he is going to take care of yours? I mean what makes you any different than the last woman he tricked? Hey, I understand that sh** happens, and yes you are going to meet brothers who already have children with other women. After all, this is the real world we are talking about, and real sh**happens. But watch how he treats his children, even if he does not get along with their mother. If he is paying his child support to that other woman, or she does not have him in court because he is taking care of business, well then more than likely when the sh** hits the fan, please believe that he will pay you child support, or take care of your children as well.

So I draw the line with behavior that brings us (society) children who are not properly cared for. Sisters get your freak on all you want, but please be careful who you get your freak on with. If you think you can take care of your children all by yourself, and can provide for them both emotionally and financially, well then by all means have a hundred of those little crumb snatchers. But when things don't work out because you decided to hook up with some sweet talking loser. Please do not curse out your local District Attorney because you can't get your child support money. The poor schmuck is just doing his job. Just like your "baby daddy" should have been doing after he impregnated you.