Tuesday, September 06, 2016

The black athlete code of conduct?

MORE DISCLAIMERSThe Field Negro education series continues.
h/t to Michael Harriot.
"Recently, black athletes have faced an enormous amount of scrutiny for their untoward behavior. They have continually sullied the regard and expectations of the virtuous masses of the noble, patriotic public by showing contempt for the spectators, fans and America itself. As such, we have assembled one of the whitest teams since (insert hockey team name here) to create this definitive code of conduct as both an instruction guide and a manual for how black professional athletes should represent themselves, their individual sports and their country.

Be Grateful

 
If you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to play a professional sport, you must show eternal and unmitigated thankfulness. Remember that your career probably has nothing to do with the genetic lottery you were likely born with, years of hard work, sacrifice or dedication—it is because they let you play. For this alone, you must display unwavering loyalty.
Do not trouble your likely concussed brain with the knowledge that you are but a commodity that will be eventually discarded to a human scrap heap when your injury-ravaged body and mind have run their course of usefulness. Do not despair over the notion that the NFL combines, the NBA draft and the MLB trade deadline bear an eerie resemblance to slave auctions. You are not a slave. You are a commodity.
Yes, there is a white man who technically “owns” you and can pass down his ownership to his sons and daughters, but still … be grateful. Even if he—as Donald Sterling did—parades his girlfriends through the locker room to admire your naked body while you’re in a shower. Remember: You are not a slave.

Don’t Expect Second Chances

 
You must remember that everyone gets a second chance in America. Well … almost everyone. There is a specific algorithm too lengthy and complicated to spell out here that determines whether your crimes will be forgiven. Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger—who has been taken to court by two different women for rape—was suspended a total of six games (reduced to four) in 2010 and kept his Nike contract. In 2007, Michael Vick was suspended indefinitely for animal abuse. Therefore, according to our calculations, a white rapist is better than a black man who kills dogs.
We promise, however, that you will be afforded a second chance for any misdeed (depending on your age and after a thorough examination of your knees, a restructuring of your contract, and a contrite press conference where you sit meekly like a newly returned runaway slave and apologize to the owners, the fans, the white people who were offended by whatever you did, and the fugitive slave hunters for wasting their time and energy retrieving you). Wait … I’m sorry. Did I previously say you weren’t a slave? We’ll revise that paragraph.

Always Show Poise

 
Because black anger is the third-scariest thing on the planet (trailing only behind the Zika virus and black boys with BB guns), athletes of color must remain poised at all times. John McEnroe was “fiery” and “passionate” when he threw tantrums on the tennis court, but Serena Williams “threatened the entire game of tennis” when she had a public outburst on the court against a foot judge.
You are not allowed to show any disappointment, as Gabby Douglas did, lest the way you slump your shoulders and not put your hand over your heart be interpreted as anti-American or, even worse, a “silent Black Lives Matter protest.” If this happens, do not remind your critics that most people do not put their hand over their heart for the anthem (that’s for the Pledge of Allegiance), and for heaven’s sake, do not point out your teammate’s public tantrum when she lost the bronze medal on a tiebreaker in the previous Olympics. She is white. They have a different code of conduct.
You should also be aware that it is not just anger or disappointment that fans find unacceptable. Too much black joy will also get you reprimanded by the self-righteously indignant, as evident in this letter to Cam Newton calling him a negative role model for dancing after touchdowns. See how much better he acts now?

Do Not Mention Race

 
Please be reminded that in post-racial America, sports is colorblind. Therefore, you must never mention race. Even if the owner of your team, Donald Sterling, has a history of discrimination against minorities. Even if the general manager of your NBA franchise disseminates a reportdescribing a Sudanese player as “having a little bit of African in him” and continuing that the player would “have a nice store out front but sell you counterfeit stuff out of the back.” Even if the fans in the stands call you “n–ger” as they did Jackie Robinson. Even if they remark that “if it was ’75, we’d skin you alive,” as they did Serena and Venus Williams at the Indian Wells tournament. Even if your Philadelphia Eagles teammate threatens to “fight every n–ger in here.” You probably can’t even see this link to the video because America does not see color.
Race is too upsetting for the delicate American stomach. Wearing Black Lives Matter T-shirts initially got WNBA stars fined and threatened by their police security. Derrick Rose’s “I can’t breathe” shirtmade him a pariah. The St. Louis Rams organization apologized when its players exited the tunnel in the “Hands up, don’t shoot” stance because it apparently gave America the bubble guts.

How to Make a Statement

 
No one has ever said that athletes should not protest, but it is imperative that black athletes know the specific boundaries for making political and social statements. If you would like to support something, you can wear an armband, take a picture in a hoodie for Instagram, throw your warmups in a circle during warmups or scribble a Bible verse that vaguely references your stance on your shoe. That's it.
I know you may have read some other books or manuals that spoke highly of nonviolent protest, but those books are published to assuage white guilt. The writers don’t mean it, which is why we didn’t include those lies in this book. Martin Luther King Jr. is the only person ever lauded for nonviolent protest, and only after his brains were splattered outside a Memphis, Tenn., hotel. If you decide to protest nonviolently, remember that Muhammad Ali had to give up three-and-a-half years of his career and face the possibility of five years in prison for refusing to fight in Vietnam. (His funeral in June was spectacular, though.) You must be aware that no effective protests by a black man have ever been accepted with open arms.
We have issued this manual to various athletes in hopes that you will all pass it around. You must remind yourselves that if white America embraces you, the world is your oyster. Your soul may be a cold, empty void of nothingness, but you’ll have all the money, cars and white adoration you can handle. If you wrap yourselves in dollar bills and turn up the heat in your mansions high enough, you might be able to sleep comfortably at night." [Source]
Yep, just ask Michael Jordan.
Although, if we are going to be honest, it didn't work out so well for Tiger Woods.   

64 comments:

Anonymous said...

White athletes are boring.

David Sternbergstein said...

White America worships black athletes and showers them with millions of dollars, commercial endorsements, and lifelong celebrity. And still they whine.

It's. Never. Enough.

Dindu Nuffin said...

You forgot the most important piece of advice, from Cris Carter: "Always have a fall guy"

http://bobleesays.com/2015/08/23/the-nfls-always-have-a-fall-guy-rule/

Ted said...

Too many fat suburban conservative males want all athletes to be "well-behaved" and boring. The last Super Bowl was a great example: Cam Newton vs. Peyton Manning. Guess which one White America was rooting for?

Dave Zirin said...

I used to care about black people. Now I just see you people as a nuisance. Now fuck off and leave me and my people in peace.

Buford Dumas said...

@Ted - you are right. I like my athletes to spice things up with some raping and accessory to murder type activities, along with some peripheral relationships to drug dealing and prostitution. Of course, domestic abuse is a must, as is not paying taxes. Cam Newton didn't waste any of his time in college on boring studies, he applied himself stealing other student's computers and soliciting payments from alumni. Now that's I guy I can cheer for!

Space to destroy said...

Colin Kaepernick's brave stand protesting for the right of black people to be exempt from the consequences of their criminality makes him the Rosa Parks of our era. America won't be free until a black man can attack a police officer or any white person without fearing he might be shot dead.

Let my people go.

Leave the driving to us said...

Rosa Parks was a paid communist agitator who took a functioning, orderly bus system where unfortunately blacks had to sit in the back and turned it into a horrific one where only blacks dared ride it and drivers had to be protected behind bullet proof plexiglass shields.

Go to Montgomery or Selma sometime and take a good look at what 50 years of "Civil Rights" has done to that town. Hell, you probably don't have to leave your own city.

Anonymous said...

White boys are pussies and retards.

I Hate Spics, Gooks, Kikes, and Faggots said...

Hillary has also gotten to where she is because of her many years of hard work, sacrifice, and dedication! She is the perfect person to become President! Much better than that moron Trump! It's 100% Trump supporters who speak out against black athletes who speak out against injustice!
#ImWithHer

PilotX said...

http://www.wapt.com/money/colin-kaepernicks-jersey-is-top-seller-after-protest/41537908

the GOP said...

"Go to Montgomery or Selma sometime and take a good look at what 50 years of "Civil Rights" has done to that town."

Or what years of Republican rule has done to the state.

Anonymous said...

Hillary supporters like Yisheng are ignorant, naive, and clueless.

Anonymous said...

lilac is also ignorant, naive, and clueless.

dinthebeast said...

I guess it's like the Butthole Surfers said: You never know just how you look through other people's eyes.

-Doug in Oakland

Badass Gen Xer said...

Generation Z is just worthless. Fuck them.

Puerto Rican food is nasty shit said...

Sports fans, especially NFL fans, tend to be conservative white males. It's really no wonder players like Colin Kaepernick and Cam Newton are received so poorly, while Peyton Manning and Tom Brady are worshipped like gods. To many in the NFL fanbase, athletes, black athletes in particular, need to just shut up and play. That kind of mentality will never go away.

The Ministry of Truth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lance Cockstrong said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Max said...

If people were smart they would vote for Gary Johnson, the ONLY candidate who will turn this country around.

Oregon Pride said...

I hate the Seahawks because of classless loudmouths like Richard Sherman and Michael Bennett, and many many more. Millionaire athletes should just shut the hell up and play. At least Russell Wilson knows how to do that. It's probably because of his lighter skin.

Awesome Atheist said...

Christians, Muslims, and Jews are all stupid. I wipe my ass with the pages of your holy books.

Feminists are stupid said...

Hillary is lame. Hillary supporters are just human garbage. They are some of the worst people in the country. I hope they suffer greatly in the near future.

field negro said...

I think your people are safe. Those two lane roads up the mountains are pretty scary.😏

field negro said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Max said...
If people were smart they would vote for Gary Johnson, the ONLY candidate who will turn this country around.


Gary Johnson is an idiot:

https://youtu.be/TW5gQo43ay4

Anonymous said...

"If people were smart they would vote for Gary Johnson, the ONLY candidate who will turn this country around."

If you magically made him President, I expect you'd just see utter gridlock for four years. I don't think you can run this country without being backed by some large mafia or the other, you can argue that that's Trump's weakest point also.

While I don't mind the idea of making the US more of a meritocracy, one problem with Libertarians is that they tend to be open-border advocates. Even though that's an attitude that is cleverly being paired with Hitler, etc. I don't see how you can avoid the conclusion that large scale immigration is pushing down labor rates (and even the presence of jobs) at the bottom end of the working class.

Anonymous said...

White people get butthurt over the dumbest, most petty shit.

Yīshēng said...

Just another reminder than racists aren't logical and will NEVER be logical, gotta be that mutant genomic profile, LOL!

In other news (pun intended), Dallas Morning News is NOT endorsing Trump!

Yeah, the start of the Dump Trump campaign!!! :)

Yīshēng said...

"Comment deleted
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator."

Whooteemoos just can't resist the need to $hit all over a Black blog. EVERYDAY!!!

IDIOTS!!!

Yisheng's Husband said...

My bitch loves it when I piss and shit in her mouth.

M. Mann said...

I am a former Democrat who will be voting for Trump in November. I'm sure many other disillusioned and disenfranchised Dems will be joining me.

Dave Zirin said...

Give me one good reason why I should care about black people anymore.

The Purple Cow said...

"Rosa Parks was a paid communist agitator..."

Y'know, I KNEW there was something about her I liked.

**

I've thought of even more proof that I'm a white man.

I own TWO Sigur rós albums;

TWO! ...and that's like the whitest music in the history of the World.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz8iEJeh26E

Max said...

Gary Johnson is not an idiot. Trump and Hillary are, and so are their supporters.

Anonymous said...

I own TWO Sigur rós albums;

TWO! ...and that's like the whitest music in the history of the World.
---

Fucking Nazi.

OptimusPrimeX said...

The Army Special Forces motto is De Oppresso Liber (“To Free the Oppressed”)

Thank you Nate and Colin for bringing sanity, importance and balance to the discussion.

I will take a knee during the national anthem out of respect for the fallen soldiers and protest over oppression.

https://www.armytimes.com/articles/nate-boyer-colin-kaepernick-commentary-flag-national-anthem-protest-nfl

Anonymous said...

Who is oppressing black people? The President?

Anonymous said...

Trump is oppressing Trump University customers/students;
Trump is oppressing unpaid Construction contractors,
Trump is oppressing military POW
Trump is oppressing aspiring taco truck entrepreneurs,
Trump is oppressing reasonable immigrants,
Trump is oppressing older white male demographic by stroking their fears.

I'm kneeling at the flag for the oppression of the GOP

Lilac said...

To the person in whose brain, mind, soul,and God knows if body too 0?0, I obviously live! Thanks!!!

It's actually intriguing, and I'm actually glad I can be a part of your life, and such a big part too, my goodness, you think of me every day don't you? ;) (all day?) x*D

I hope you always think of me and never forget me, or Yisheng either for that matter! Because she's right there in your mind too!

Oy vey! Maybe Trump can put you to work or something when he wins, and you can actually get a life!

Ahahahahaha! xD

dinthebeast said...

Anon @9:14: So you're saying he's an idiot because he favors vaccinations and stopping climate change? Not that he has anything like the political skill to get those things done, but those are two of the rare sane policy positions he has. If you like the way things are run in Somalia, go to Somalia. You're not going to turn this country into you're own two-bit version of it because someone told you to be terrified of the ebil gubmint.
And by the way, Trump is down two points in Texas. And only up two in Mississippi.

-Doug in Oakland

G.O.A.T. said...

Dumbasses like Yisheng always whine about whitey making comments (whether positive or negative) on a "black blog." Yet she and her ilk would never criticize all the blacks talking shit on other people's blogs, sites, or pages.

Yīshēng said...

Anonymous Lilac said...
Oy vey! Maybe Trump can put you to work or something when he wins, and you can actually get a life!
>>>>

White men like Trump don't fool up with whooteemoos much, PR. He's just appeasing their dumb asses with ignorant rhetoric to get their votes!!

As for getting a life, these losers NEVER will. NO life, NO sex with humans, NO career, NO family, just no, no, HELLZ NAW, ROTFL!!!!

Yīshēng said...

dinthebeast said...
And by the way, Trump is down two points in Texas. And only up two in Mississippi.

-Doug in Oakland
>>>>

He can FORGET Texas, thanks to the Dallas Morning News, Ha Ha!!

PilotX said...

"Rosa Parks was a paid communist agitator..."

You would think the language would change after 50 years. Agitators? Wow, these guys never change. Also, if the Communists were paying people to end an oppressive system that makes them pretty good guys no?

stillaPanther2 said...

Brother Ziren... hate to in form you, your problem is not the African Americans, if you are a white of means, you can avoid AA at a cost. Still, you should be concerned by the last crew of non whites, they are more saturated in America AND have a mmore feeling that they are the ones that will save AMERICA.

Bro. Z, , I am curious, do you write about sports? If so, no way would you ever think about no African Americans. In your world. I empathize with your frustration, but condeming a whole race. Or, are you not feeling it when Black athletes step outside the box.

Willie said...

White people whine about safe spaces all the time, but they fail to realize they have their own safe spaces as well.

Anonymous said...

"I'm kneeling at the flag for the oppression of the GOP"

Everyone is oppressed by your stupidity.

9:14 said...

dinthebeast said...
Anon @9:14: So you're saying he's an idiot because he favors vaccinations and stopping climate change?

He's an idiot because he thinks forcing people at gunpoint to get injections and the use of fake climate science to justify unlimited government power are Libertarian principles, when they most certainly are not.

You are an idiot too.

Texit said...

Yīshēng said...
He can FORGET Texas, thanks to the Dallas Morning News, Ha Ha!!
---

These, my freinds, are the words of an idiot.

Ha Ha indeed!!

Anonymous said...

Hillary Clinton's People Knowingly Destroyed Emails They Knew Were Under Legal Subpoena:

http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=365657#pq=Y328NX

Hillary PR Team said...

Well... destroying subpoenaed materials isn't WRONG per se, but it's not something we recommend our followers attempt to do on their own.

Hillary PR Team said...

Rightwingers are trying to spin the memory lapses Hillary testified to as "brain damage," but ACTUALLY she was just lying to investigators!

Lilac said...

Yīshēng said...!

As for getting a life, these losers NEVER will. NO life, NO sex with humans, NO career, NO family, just no, no, HELLZ NAW, ROTFL!!!!

2:27 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hahaha! Yep! But I think you're right! Sad right? NOT! xD

Yīshēng said...

Anonymous stillaPanther2 said...
Brother Ziren... hate to in form you, your problem is not the African Americans, if you are a white of means, you can avoid AA at a cost.
>>>>

That's just it, whooteemoos have NO means which is why they have time to be here all day.

In fact, a whooteemoo with means is an oxymoron. And whooteemoos are just morons, ROFL!!!

Dr. Wheautremeaux said...

You can avoid Yisheng by graduating and getting a job!

Lilac said...

Tupac Shakur was fatally shot on this day 20 years ago. Still unsolved! Poet,activist,humanist,a great loss to the world. A lot of people standing on those shoulders. Rest In Peace.

Hillary! said...

Trump shot Tupac. Or the Russians did. Probably both working together.

field negro said...

"Give me one good reason why I should care about black people anymore."

"Anymore"?

OK wingnut, I think I speak for all black people when I say that you can remove us all from your Christmas list.

PilotX said...

http://www.dailypress.com/features/history/dp-nws-katherine-johnson-qa-0827-20160903-story.html

This is for you Dr. Yisheng. The real woman who Alan Shephard asked to double check the computer's math that calculated his orbit trajectory. I can't wait to see the movie about NASA's unsung sheroes.

PilotX said...

"OK wingnut, I think I speak for all black people when I say that you can remove us all from your Christmas list."

Aw, come on Field. You mean you don't care even a little bit if this anonymous internet troll cares about teh blacks?

dinthebeast said...



"Rightwingers are trying to spin the memory lapses Hillary testified to as "brain damage," but ACTUALLY she was just lying to investigators!"

Please.
Do you, by any chance, remember a man named Alberto Gonzalez?

-Doug in Oakland










Yīshēng said...

http://www.dailypress.com/features/history/dp-nws-katherine-johnson-qa-0827-20160903-story.html

This is for you Dr. Yisheng. The real woman who Alan Shephard asked to double check the computer's math that calculated his orbit trajectory. I can't wait to see the movie about NASA's unsung sheroes.
>>>>>

Hey PX, I can't wait for the movie to come out, thanks for the link!!

Omigosh said...

It all boils down to how much crap can one take during this life path? Is it riches you want and that you have? Good! When you die from concussions and Parkinson's, your family will live high off the hog if you leave a will; otherwise maybe your mansion will be turned into a museum. Whatever, you'll be laying 6 feet underground, soon to be forgotten; your riches will be right here. You won't be happy, but someone will. Knock yourselves out (pun intended).