Credit counseling from the field: How to use your race card.

The post that I am about to do pains me, because I believe that if you happen to be one of the forty or so million A-merry-cans with a race card you should use it from time to time. If you are a Negro in A-merry-ca, forget about American Express, this is the card you should never leave home without. I mean what's the point of a race card if all it does is sit there and collects interest on the balance and you don't ever use the damn thing? Having said that, I don't think you should use your race card for just any damn thing. You should save that shit for when it's really needed; like when a son of a bitch is trying to get at you because of your race "fo" real. That's when you break it out.

Now this crap with David Paterson is troubling, because the Negro is frivolously using his race card and he is causing a serious backlash. Those of us who always keep our race cards handy are going to have a hard fucking time the next time we try to use that shit. "We the jury find the defendant, young Negro boy, guilty of all counts of the crimes he was charged with. Wait,I get it, you found him guilty because I am his lawyer and I am black, is that it? Well hold up, I just happen to have a race card right here. Sorry Negro, race cards don't have any value anymore. He is still guilty. See the problem Mr. Paterson, when you go using your race card just because? It makes it bad for the rest of us.

Not only did you try to use your race card, but you tried to suck Deval Patrick and his O ness in with you. "The reality is the next victim on the list - and you can see it coming - is President Barack Obama, who did nothing more than trying to reform a health care system." That shit is not cool. Don't use their race card for them, they are quite capable of using their own race card when they see fit. His O ness might have to pull his later on in his presidency for something he really wants, like the health care reform you mentioned, for instance.

"He's given the media more than enough to feed on with the incompetence shown in his administration," said state Sen. Kevin Parker (D-Brooklyn), an African-American."

Oh lawd! David, just cut up that card, try to build up some credit, and apply for another one later.

And try not to be such a free spender this time.

I bet his O ness doesn't have to put up with this kind of crap.

Poor Charles Tyson, all the guy wanted was to be a good public servant and live out his remaining days with his family in his South Jersey community. But sorry Charles, that type of treatment is reserved for our new President, not small town Mayors from lily white communities. A-merry-ca ain't quite as post racial as we would like it to be just yet.

Charles was the first black Mayor of South Harrison Township, but rather than put up with the constant threats to his family, and racist vandalism, old Charles decided to call it a day.

(Sorry Charlie, only certain black folks get to be race neutral in A-merry-ca) What's sad about this story is that Charles Tyson seemed like such a decent guy. Unfortunately, from the way some morons treated the guy, you would think he was Mike Tyson or something. And then, as is always the case, some of the folks in town said he was playing the"Race Card". (You black people and these race cards) Forget the fact that his tires were slashed, his lawn sign defaced with the words KKK, and the Neo Nazis were making personal phone calls to him. Not good enough to bring out the "Race Card" Charles. That card should only be used in the case of lynchings or when there is blood drawn and actual bodily harm.

And honestly folks, I hate to be (what is it one regular to the fields calls me? ) a "racism chaser", but sometimes racism just won't get out of the damn way.

"It's not that the whole town is racist. It's just that a certain group of people in the town were trying to get to me.."

Oh stop whining and get over it. You are 62 years old: hell when you were a little boy growing up in segregated A-merry-ca; did you think you could grow up to be a Mayor of a white town one day? Of course you didn't. See Charles, that's called progress.

"Don't leave home without it."

I am so mad at his "O" ness that I don't know what to do. Just imagine, this Negro has had a race card all along and keeping it to himself. Please, please, please, "O" man, if you have a race card could you tell the field where to get one? I could really use that bitch.

Now stop being selfish. I know you used yours to get into Columbia, and to Harvard Law. And, you used it to become Editor of the Law Review no less. But you didn't stop there; you got into the exclusive club of 100 white men (otherwise known as the U.S. Senate), and now you want to use your card to become the leader of the free world. Wow! What a card you must have. What did Mr. Morton's boy say? That you pulled it from the "bottom of the deck"? No wonder I couldn't find that bitch.

Oh field stop it, you know you have played the race card a time or two. No, not that I know of. Although I am quite sure that the race card has been played against me. But don't get me wrong, if I had one to use like his "O" ness, I would be playing that bad boy from the top of the deck, not the bottom. You think an Amex black card is the shit, wait until you see how much clout my race card would have.

Mr. Field, this is the bank, your mortgage is due. Ahhhh did you know that I was black? No sir we did not. Well I happen to have a race card right here, and I was planning on using it. Is that going to be necessary? No Mr. Field, that's fine. We will let the mortgage slide for this month, you just hold on to that card: Sir, did you know that you were doing 100 MPH in a 35 MPH zone? May I see your driver's license sir? No officer, but I do have a race card. Ahhh, never mind, just be careful next time. You have a nice day now. Thank you officer, you do the same.....You gotta love it.

The possibilities would be endless. But I guess I will never get one of those race cards because I just wouldn't know where to apply for one. White folks keep shit like that from us black folks. They can only afford to let a few of those cards get out there. Jessie got one, and so did Al. Now I hear that his "O" ness got one too. I knew I couldn't trust that Negro.