Don't mess with Mexas.

"I'm here today to offer my unwavering support to...millions of Texans just like yourself that are tired of Washington, D.C. trying to come down here and tell us how to run Texas."



That was Rick Perry, the republican governor of the soon to be country of Texas, declaring to his citizens that they want to be free from the tyranny of Washington.(Funny, I didn't see any of my cousins in that You Tube clip.) Yes folks, in the great state of Texas, they have decided to pass a resolution affirming their sovereignty under the 10th Amendment of the Constitution. Sounds like the folks in "hook em horns" country are trying to tell us something. (That there is secession talk, folks.)



Where do I start with this? Okay let me start by saying to my friends in Texas: we will miss you. Not all of you, but the ones who found themselves, for whatever reason, stuck in that land that time forgot. My only hope is that you can get out before the secession is complete.



Personally, I hope the good governor takes the stinking Cowboys and every backwards ass town from Amarillo to Brownsville and El Paso to Orange and declare the entire joint their own country. Then let's pull all of our federal services out of the new country of Texas which our taxes pay for and see how they make out. No more post offices; no more food stamps; no more farm subsidies; no more Medicare or medicaid; no more fancy roads to drive from one god forsaken town to another; no more funding for their child support offices or social security benefits for their seniors or disabled; no more money for research for their universities; --hell no more money, period-- and sure as hell no more electricity, because we will be cutting their asses off of the national grid. I mean give me a fucking break! I know they want to take our federal stimulus money without oversight, but that ain't gonna happen. Sorry, we don't trust you to spend it right. The scary thing is that Texas isn't alone, seems there are a dozen or so more states led by republican crackpots considering the same thing. See folks, this is what happens when Radio Rwanda AKA FOX NOISE gets to run amok.

I bet the folks who fought at the Alamo didn't sign up for this shit. If they only knew then what we know now Texas would probably be the most northern state of Mexico. Its not too late of course, I am sure the Mexicans would love to take them back. Now there might be a slight language problem, but the Canadians have handled that type of thing just fine. Just think, the hottest teams in Texas will go from being the Dallas Cowboys and San Antonio Spurs, to the Houston Dynamo and the F.C. Dallas soccer teams, over night. The downside, of course, would be that my Iggles wouldn't get to beat down the stinking cowboys every year like we do now. But Jerry Jones could always move the team to Oklahoma.

I am sorry

beauty queen, but I am on that ass again. (Not literally of course; not my flavor) Still, I am going to take back all I said about you being naive and inexperienced. Seems you know the political game quite well.

For example; when you were mayor of your football team sized town, you hired a lobbyist with ties to that crook, Ted Stevens, to get ear marked pork for your town. And apparently you did quite well. Almost twelve million dollars? Wow! Including a one million dollar communications center which local law enforcement people said wasn't even necessary.

Then when you stood beside Mr. Morton you lied about backing the bridge to nowhere. You did support it when you ran for Governor in 2006, but switched your position when it became unpopular. Talk about flip flop. And you pushed for pork for your state too. One hundred and ninety seven million dollars worth. Including two million dollars for crab productivity. Now I love crabs, but......

The irony is that your running mate questioned some of your earmarks for your town and considered the spending "objectionable". Isn't life funny beauty queen? Seems like what goes around comes around doesn't it? Folks, I am not kidding about all of this. [Thanks Dan for sending me this link. ]

Now, finally, you have come out from hiding, and here you are on the eve of your big speech. You are running as the ultimate Washington outsider and the mom next door. You are soaking up all the red state love from your adoring fans. You are their Joan of Arc, their Annie Oakley,and their Belle Starr all rolled into one. You have come to rally the base, and to get the folks excited again. Well, to that end, I think picking you might have worked. I haven't seen the base this excited since they found out about a certain chubby interns stained dress.

But hey, at least you are ethical right? I mean you did take on your state party machine right? Not! If you took them on why did you stay silent and watch the GOP chairman and state party boss get re-elected at the state party convention in 2004? And why are you under investigation for violating the "Executive Ethics Act" right now? We all know the story by now: seems you didn't like how your ex brother in law treated your sister, so you wanted to make sure he hit the unemployment line. Wow, talk about "Hatfields and McCoys". I never want to cross you beauty queen. You play hardball.

And to be fair, the guy very well might have been a scumbag, but isn't there ways to handle scumbags without having your sister, the Governor, circumvent whatever law is in place to deal with such things?

But you gotta love it. I even hear that you wanted the corrupt governor of Alaska investigated....wait you were the governor of Alaska.....sooooo you wanted to investigate yourself? Yes, apparently you did. I swear, something about you isn't right.

Anyhooo, I am going to get some popcorn, get ready for the big speech, and play count the Negroes in the crowd. (I think I got three last night. Not including the band and the staff of course) It should be fun.