Saturday, May 17, 2008

Nothing sweet about it.


I can relate to the "O" man's latest faux pas with Detroit reporter, Peggy Agar. Seems the"O" man slipped up and referred to the reporter as "sweetie" while trying to brush her off. Bad move in this hyper sensitive age of political correctness. And the reporter, to her credit, saw her opportunity and took it. Talk about "15 minutes of fame" . Well this sweetie is signing off is what she said at the end of her broadcast or something to that effect. Trust me, her tone was a lot worse than it reads. The "O" man was forced to call back girlfriend and leave an apology on her voice mail. (They even played the voice mail on WXYZ Television, her employer) "Hi this is Barack Obama.... (I can see the goose bumps from here) I meant no disrespect so I am duly chastened on that front."


Mrs. Field, of course, thought her hero was out of line. But Mrs. Field is a professional who works in a male dominated field, so I would expect no less. "You have that problem too Mister. Have you ever heard yourself when you talk to total strangers?" "Hi 'hon', sorry 'gorgeous', and yes I have heard you use 'sweetie' on more than one occasion". "Guilty as charged" I declare, "and I will stop". " Why do you think I am always correcting you? Some women actually find that offensive. "




Of course being who I am, I had to defend myself:"Yeah but women do it too. There are these older women I work with who always refer to me or other guys at the job as "hon". "Yes but they are older right?" Yes, so what's the difference? "They can do that and get away with it. " "They came from a different time when it was acceptable, it isn't anymore." " So would it be cool for an older man to use the term' sweetie' when addressing a women?" "Of course not!" "Field, what the hell is wrong with you?"




I am thinking that I don't know, and that right about now it feels good not to be a politician. I wonder why Michelle never gave the "O" man these life lessons. "That's a bad habit of mine."

"O" man, you are not alone.

71 comments:

jjbrock said...

Field I think as we age we begin to forget names. I don't know if that's the case with Obama or not.

This lady I work with calls people hon all the time and she is about 60 years of age then again it could be because she has a drinking problem also.

A.F. said...

Well, I cannot imagine how after what Huckabee said yesterday there should be any time left over the MSM airwaves to get excited about a "sweetie" from Obama.

But I co-sign with Mrs. Field 100% on this one. He shouldn't have said it, but I'll cut him slack knowing that he has to talk publicly about 16 hours a day, and under such conditions most people would end up saying something much worse.

Mrs. Field is right about the age factor, too. I was called for an interview by a man who was very nice but called me "Dahlin". I nearly didn't go for the interview but reasoned that the job itself wouldn't involve seeing him much. Then, when I arrived at the interview, I immediately noticed that he was about 90 years old. He was then off the hook.

gwpriester (i before e) said...

Here in politically incorrect New Mexico, a friend who is a woman attorney said one of our dark ages judges in Santa Fe once referred to her as baby cakes in front of a jury.

Ms. Agar does not strike me as a person who would appreciate being called baby cakes either.

field negro said...

jjbrock, you are right, age and just plain forgetting names might have something to do a well. I am honestly bad with names.

a.f. where is the traction with this Huckabee story? Gotta love that MSM.

"Baby cakes"? I bet she moved for an immediate release from that case:) Wow!

ZACK said...

I agree with you Field. And I'm sure Lark Voorhies does too. But your wife is just speaking from perspective. She might think of sweetie , babycakes , and sexy big legs as terms from her younger days. Now that she is older and wiser, she would prefer ma'am. But guess what, Field? Ma'am is considered offensive to some women. I just think women are emotional creatures and that's why I love them.

But don't feel like you did anything wrong. You stood up for the fellas! *Barking* YOU DA MAN!

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hello there!

Obama was inappropriate for addressing a professional as "sweetie". I am sure he didn't INTEND for that to become a news piece.

I don't want to be addressed as "sweetie" in a professional setting by a man or woman...unless he is calling my male colleagues "sweetie" as well....and in that case, I would PROBABLY accept it as part of the culture of the work environment....probably...I can't say definitively.

Some brothas are just used to calling sistas "baby" and it slips out when they are comfortable in conversations but they aren't attempting to be condescending. I don't mind that...as long as the white men in the office do not overhear because THEN they will think they are permitted to become informal with me in professional settings (and SURELY they are not)!

Thanks for letting me blow my trumpet!
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

Kellybelle said...

This is silly! I call people "Sweetie" all the time---men and women (mostly because I can't hear and the "Sweetie" seems to assuage their anger at having to repeat themselves.)
I wish the media would get a life and report of ish that matters, like healthcare, gas prices, and Iraq.
And dare I say that reporter took offense because she probabaly has never been called "Sweet" anything in her life.

Christopher said...

Is Peggy Agar a man?

She sure looks like a man. RuPaul looks more like a woman than does Peggy Agar.

So Barack called him "sweetie." What's the big deal? He didn't call her "bitch" or "cunt." People today are just too damned uptight for their own good.

field negro said...

"I agree with you Field. And I'm sure Lark Voorhies does too."

Okay Zack, you are cleary trying to throw off my day :)
BTW, I think Mrs. Field and Lark are about the same age. (Save your dirty old man jokes please)

Hmmm, interesting, blackwomenblowthetrumpet(see, I learned, full name this time)and kellybelle have two different points of view. What's a poor man to do?


"So Barack called him "sweetie"

Bad Chris!

A.F. said...

I know, where is the traction on the Huckabee remark/fantasy/veiled threat? If Obama had said that about anybody, we'd hear it 24 hours a day, every day!

Dmd said...

Trumpet: So if a white guy is used to calling women honey, is that ok if it "slips" out? Or do you just hold black men to a lower standard? I'm somewhat confused as to why the skin color of the man changes how appropriate what he says is in this context. It's either professional or not.

Kellybelle: No need to personally attack the reporter. You don't know her, much as I don't know you. Judging you by your one comment, if you've ever been called sweet it was facetiously. But, I don't know you so I won't infer that...

Obama's comment was inappropriate. It isn't a big deal. Of course the media is gonna jump on it. Aren't we accustomed to this by now? What, do we expect them to mention that Obama was courteous in line the other day at the grocery store?

classical one said...

Okay, if that's her in the photo I guarntee his "sweetie" was just a joke.

Bob said...

She looks more like a "baby cakes" to me. I like being called "hon," but only if the woman has a beehive.

heartsandflowers said...

I would not have been personally offended if Barack called me sweetie, another man, perhaps but not the O man. I have had slightly older women refer to me as honey and it always rackles me as I feel that they do it intentionally as a power play. He apologized and I think he'll be more careful in the future. Comparing this to some of the other stuff that has gone on with future Presidents if this is the worse this is really nothing!

Christopher said...

Okay, if that's her in the photo I guarntee his "sweetie" was just a joke.

FOFLMAO!! Barack knew Peggy Agar is a man. He was just funnin' with him.

kaya said...

field - don't let people be idiots in your comments section.

christopher - grow up.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey Field Negro!

I see....I see...and I thank you for your um...sensitivity...and um... propriety! (smile)

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thembi said...

Definitely a faux-pas but I'd die to have Rock Bammy call me sweetie...

Bradda said...

He called that "thing" sweetie? Good God man, if it didn't have that faux Jen Anniston haircut I would swear that someone finally found Bigfoot. Screw these PC police people. With all the real problems in the world, this is the last thing someone needs to apologize for. Lighten up.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

@ DMD

You said:
Trumpet: So if a white guy is used to calling women honey, is that ok if it "slips" out? Or do you just hold black men to a lower standard? I'm somewhat confused as to why the skin color of the man changes how appropriate what he says is in this context. It's either professional or not."

I am floored whenever I hear ANY person even attempt to pretend that racial affinity, cultural identification and nuance, and socioeconomic class have NO bearing at all on our discourse, perceptions of social boundaries or accepted norms...

But okay...I'll go to Fantasy Island with you for just a second or two.

It is your interpretation that by permitting my black BROTHERS to be informal with me in professional settings when we are among our OWN people, and by choosing NOT to extend that PRIVILEGE to white men that I "hold black men to a lower standard"... I find THAT interpretation to be incredibly hilarious...

Truly, I do.

If white men FEEL they should be treated equally by other groups...then I have idea...WHY don't they shock the entire world by practicing SUCH equality on a broad scale and show how equality-minded they are...in our educational system...in our political system...in judicial system...and on and on...

Oh, but THAT would require taking accountability for the patriarchal, white supremacist societal constructs that they seem to have put a lot of energy into protecting and reinforcing and ...

It would also require single-handedly tearing down all of the constructs that reinforce and protect white privilege that they have diligently erected...

I certainly do not speak for all black women...black women are not a monolithic group and black people are not a monolithic group...

How I will allow men to engage with me in a professional setting or in a social setting...is based on criteria that I decide on.

Do I care how other races assess or interpret that criteria? No. I don't.

There are SOME levels of discourse and engagement that white men WILL NEVER (let me repeat that again: N-E-V-E-R) be permitted to have with me professionally...if this declaration seems puzzling to you (or *GASP* discriminatory), then just hop over to my blog and read the post titled:
"LOST ABSOLUTION: WHITE MEN AND THEIR HORRID HISTORY WITH BLACK WOMEN".


From the responses that I received (and deleted), most of my white male readers seemed to need a crane to get their jaws off of the floor after they read it...

If you decide you want to read it, although you certainly do not have to do so, then it may be beneficial for ensuing dialogue for you to pay especially close attention to the observation that "...many white men feel entitled to enter our space socially and physically without invitation".

Take note that in the comments section for that post that NONE of the black women refuted that statement.

If you have any questions on the history that white men have with black women after reading THAT essay...I have other blogs I can direct you to that thoughtfully and coherently examine the same subject...and as always, I am happy to answer questions!

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

Admiral Komack said...

Obama called the woman "sweetie."
He apologized on her voice mail.
I don't have a problem with it, although I could see that others might.

I have read others' posts in other blogs that it ("sweetie") may have been a regional-type colloquialism.

Now, if he had said "bitch", "ho", or "cunt" (like Mr. Straight Talk Express did to his wife), it would be a whole different story.

I think Huckabee tried to make a joke, and did it really, really badly, and he apologized as well.

Hillary's race-baiting was part a pattern, and I don't think Huckabee's was, so that's the difference between Huckabee and Hillary, IMHO.

Now, if Huckabee had kept pushing the envelope, a la' Michael Richards, then he'd really be in trouble.

anon said...

Holy Crap, that's a woman next to Obama? No wonder she's trying get her 15 minutes of fame.

I think this society is way too PC. There are more serious things to worry about.

hennasplace said...

Field:

I think people use the terms sweetie or baby because they don't no the person's or remember the name. So they think it's better in saying sweetie than saying hey you. I have a friend who calls everyone baby because she doesn't remember their names, but this also the same person who can't remember her own home phone number because that require too much detail and it's really the kind of person she is. She doesn't think it's important to bother knowing anyone's name. It is the way her brain works.

I think Obama called the reporter sweetie because he didn't know her name, and probably would offended if he called her mam. Does it sound condescending to call the person sweetie? Yes, but question did he mean to be, I do not know the answer. He apologize and it's time for her to move on has she had her 15 minutes of fame.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

That's really a stupid thiing to do. I spent 27 years in the corporate world and I can never remember a time when using diminutives was OK. I'm really surprised that he would make such a blaring faux pas.

When my wife and I hooked up she was putting up with a lot of "sweeties" and Honeys" in the good ol boy world of law. I finally convinved her that these guys were NOT being cordial and nice, simply condescending.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

I'm really shocked by all the excuse making going on here.
If one doesn't know her name it's "m'am."

WTF? It matters what you call someone. I says something about you and it says something about how you view the other person.

I was raised to treat everyone I had contact with with a certain level of respect and "sweetie" and "honey" were not part of the equation. . . of course, I was also taught something you have ranted about here Mr. Field, and that is MANNERS.

Mind your manners Mr. Obama! The whole world is watching.

SagaciousHillbilly said...

Oh, one more thing. The woman in question is obviously a woman with many feminine physical attributes. In fact, she's quite pretty. Yea, she's overweight, but that doesn't make her look like a man in drag.
Like another poster said: grow the fuck up bozo (well, I said it my own unmannerly way).

isonprize said...

Field,

You live in Phila. I DEFY you to go in any diner, restaurant, or bar, and not hear someone at some point, get called ______ (take your pick):

hon
honey
sweetie
sugar
doll
baby

Doesn't matter the neighborhood or the quality of the establishment. Probably won't hear a man call another man, but any other combo is possible.

After watching the video clip, I even caught myself saying "Hon, what is the big deal?"

Too funny. And yes, I think Ms. Agar shouldn't take things so personally. I'd be more than happy for Sen. Obama to call me 'sweetie.'

(BTW, uh... light blue is definitely NOT her color.)

Deacon Blue said...

@ DMD:

I wouldn't want to see Obama held to a lower standard, but it doesn't seem like there's history of calling women diminuitive names on his part. This seems like a minor slip. Hell, I've come close to accidentally saying "love ya" to women I interview on the phone for articles...because I'm so used to saying it to my wife. ;-)

I mean, folks are stretching really hard to find negative personality traits for Obama if this is major news.

That said, I do think some of the comments here about the woman were snarkier than they needed to be.

justice58 said...

I wouldn't mind at all if Barack called me sweetie! I like it!

kid said...

This is good, this is the best that they have on his butt.Well he didn't call her the C-word like McPain.He didn't say the Constitution is a G-D piece of paper.It good that they're attacking him because no one mentioning Hillary at all.They're going after the REAL canidate.

kid said...

Hey justice 58,

Can you call me Sweetie, please.Just playing.

leneypoo said...

It wasn't a nice thing to say, but Obama apologized and he wasn't an ass about it with stuff like "I'm sorry if YOU were offended" and he didn't complain about the PC police, and he didn't just brush it off, so it is okay w/ me.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

@Deacon Blue

Pleeease say it "ain't" so! *LOL*

{chuckles}
Lisa

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

Dmd said...

I did go over to your blog and read that post... Didn't have time to read all the comments to it yet, but I'll go back later. But it was very interesting and enlightening for me. Looks like I have another blog to regularly read...

"How I will allow men to engage with me in a professional setting or in a social setting...is based on criteria that I decide on."


This is *the* salient point of your response to me. I personally disagree with your criteria, but of course I recognize that you must choose the criteria for yourself. If you would bare with me, I would like to explain why I disagree.

In your post(Lost Absolution) you seem to say that many (most?)black women have issues with (despise?) white men for our role (yeah I'm a white guy) in the history between our people. You say something to the effect that until we accept accountability for what we've done (and continue to do), this attitude of contempt is justified. But this "take" on the matter is problematic for several reasons.

One: I have no accountability for my anscestor's actions. I abhor what they did. It is a shameful legacy. And if that is what you mean by "accepting accountablity", then I do. You seem to take a justifiable suspicion of a *group* based upon past behaviour, and stretch it into unjustified judgement of *individuals*. Of course there are still many white racist men. But there are many who are not, and you verge very close to the same monolithic characterization you decry when applied to yourself or your people.

I would ask you: What can we (white men) do as a group (e.g. as collective individuals), to lost the stain of our past? I guess what I am really asking (or what really matters to me), is what can *I* do to lose the pre-judgement of the way of thinking of many black women (according to your post)? And these are sincere questions. I believe I have a lot to learn from you :)

Maybe I'll just email you and we can continue this that way. I am in a coffee shop typing this and have to leave and won't have internet till tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

In our hair-trigger, firecrackers masquerading as bombs society, I wonder why anyone would say anything publicly--'cause, if you're not extremely careful, your remarks may set off a short fuse, and blow up in your face.

We need to judge righteous judgment, and not judge every remark as offensive.

The question should always be: "Was the word, statement, expression, used to demean, belittle, malign, or offend?

If not, show some uncommon class, and the hide of a pachyderm by letting it pass without taking offense or umbrage.

Trust me, when you can't do that, you say more about yourself than the one you believed slighted you.

And please don't take the position that I'm judging, too, when I call for people to moderate their inclination to judge.

I'm not saying not to judge (although not a bad idea), I'm just saying that we all should be more judicious when we do, and give our offense the "intention" test.

Deacon Blue said...

@ Trumpet...
--------------------
Pleeease say it "ain't" so! *LOL*
--------------------

You mean that I've almost said endearments to women on the phone whom I don't know? On a regular basis?

Sad but true. Maybe it's my aging brain, but increasingly, I find myself catching myself just *barely* in time to avoid ending phone interviews with "love you" or "thanks hon."

Bygbaby said...

Peggy is a local news loser with a horrible reporting style. Channel 7 I'm sure is happy to have this headline. Based on Peggy's appearance, she should be flattered to get this attention fronthe opposite sex.

Bygbaby

Bob said...

I call many of the women I know "sweetie" when I see them, & they call me "hon" or "darling." I don't use this term of endearment - that's what it is - with women I don't know or with some women I do know. I don't think it says anything about Obama that he slipped up & except that he slipped up. He probably says "sweetie" to some of the women on his staff, & his daughters, & they love it.

A.F. said...

It really could be this: it's so uncharacteristic of Obama to say soemthing like that. On a few occasions, I'm embarrassed to admit, I have been so used to saying to my significant other in frustration, "Oh, Hon-ey," or "Oh, Sweet-ie," just in exasperation, that I've come very dangerously close to saying that to students, just as a knee-jerk response when they were trying my nerves. The few times it has happened, sleep deprivation and over work have been to blame. It has come out something like, "Oh, Sw---Trevor, no, this is the third time you've asked to turn in a late paper."

Angie said...

"The question should always be: "Was the word, statement, expression, used to demean, belittle, malign, or offend?" Anon

Great point, Anon! I couldn't have said it better.

Angie-Nuvision

Anonymous said...

Thanks Angie.

Anonymous at 9:37 PM

leneypoo said...

I think it's very rude of people who are bagging on the reporter's appearance after all this. If she doesn't want to be called sweetie, then she doesn't deserve people calling her a man or saying things like she is lucky that a man even called her sweet in the first place.

very immature like I'm sure someone must have said above thread.

newgirl448 said...

Blackwomenblowthetrumpet:

I would respectfully take issue with some of your comments.

“I am floored whenever I hear ANY person even attempt to pretend that racial affinity, cultural identification and nuance, and socioeconomic class have NO bearing at all on our discourse, perceptions of social boundaries or accepted norms...”

I believe that I understand your point. I agree. I would invite you, however, to consider how equally “flooring” it is when people pretend that gender affinity has “no bearing at all on our discourse, perceptions or social boundaries or accepted norms…”

“It is your interpretation that by permitting my black BROTHERS to be informal with me in professional settings when we are among our OWN people, and by choosing NOT to extend that PRIVILEGE to white men that I "hold black men to a lower standard"... I find THAT interpretation to be incredibly hilarious...”

Listen, there is a particular history of rape, brutality, and humiliation with white men that makes there presumptions about entering our personal spaces and places and trying to be familiar particularly galling. I back them up every chance I get. But let’s be real and so productive. Black men have raped, brutalized, and humiliated women and there is sexism and misogyny all up in the Black community. A Black man that you don’t know like that taking the liberty of calling you sweetie or baby or baby cakes or whatever-however innocent his intention-is inseparable from those social historical truths.

Now, I have a been a proud obamaholic from day one and if loving the Black man upstairs right now as I write this is wrong than take me to jail, but we undermine our own integrity as Black women to not accept that even the men that we favor do the wrong (read patriarchal/sexist) thing sometimes and should be corrected.

marci said...

i don't think obama was being offensive in the slightest...
i call people sweetie, darling, gorgeous day in and day out and i work in a white male dominated industry...
it took some time for people to get used to me doing it... i was told 'i am not your sweetie' by one guy when i first started there - he is from the north of england where that sort of talk is deemed as 'southern' and 'soft'... i duly ignored him and carried on... he does now answer to darling, sweetie or what ever i choose to say...

marci said...

oh and agar's 15 minutes should be just about up now... can he/she go back to his/her obscurity... please!

RhondaCoca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RhondaCoca said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RhondaCoca said...

Ah...Leney-Poo,

I'm sorry but it must be said.

Does she have a job where she is on camera or is she in the back?

Peggy, as a stylist, you should not part your hair with a zig zag unless you are under the age of 14 with a passion for Hannah Montana. Its really 1998-99 Genie in a Bottle-ish. Also no baby blue for you.

Thats just some tough love.

On a more serious note though, I hate when men call me sweetie, hun, sweetheart...its offensive in a condescending way even kind of predatory. As the youngest female where I work, I am used to being brushed off in that manner so I am hypersensitive towards it so I know how Peggy feels. However if Barack was to call me sweetie, I wouldn't make a big deal because it would not be in his best interest. I assume that she supports Hillary or McCain.

Either she is trying to rile up the Republican base: predatory black man--> white women

Or the Hillary "Girl Power" supporters.


Anyways, I hope that she called back Barack and accepted his apology.

Anonymous said...

That fat,ugly, mannish looking bitch should be glad any man called her "sweetie". Obama needs to stop while he's behind. Otherwise folks will start saying he's sexing that beast and lawdy, lawdy, we don't need that. We've seen and heard enough stories about "brothers" with beasts like this.

kid said...

I took another look at her photo and she looks like Benny Hill in a dress.

field negro said...

"Now, I have a been a proud obamaholic from day one and if loving the Black man upstairs right now as I write this is wrong than take me to jail, "

newgirl448, that was a great line, and your coments were noteworthy as well.

I gotta thank you, blckwomenblowthetrumpet, and dmd, for even making me take note of that entire dynamic. Wow! Good stuff.

kreplech said...

wait... so, barack obama called chris farley "sweetie"? i don't see any problem with this at all...

Anonymous said...

Video: McCain's YouTube Problem Just Became a Nightmare

^Digg it!

Chris said...

that settles it. he can't be president now folks.

Anonymous said...

That's no sweetie that's an over weight bleach blond new reporter

Jusus

Anonymous said...

She is a skanky Ho. Frack her. She doesnt deserve to live.

Anonymous said...

I always knew there is a reason why i hate fat bitches. Die fatty! Die!

momo said...

Whether or not "sweetie" is an appropriate form of address depends on the context, both the intention and the situation. If I call a member of my family or a friend sweetie, that's one thing. If I call someone "sweetie" in a professional setting where there is an uneven balance of power, that is quite another. If your waitress says "Can I warm it up for you, sweetie?" that doesn't have the same effect as a man calling a women "sweetie" when she is doing her job. It was not appropriate, and it was good for her to call him on it, and I am glad he apologized.
By the way, people making fun of women's appearance as a substitute for talking about her ideas? Makes her look good and you look bad.

Ava said...

He can call me Sweetie anytime!

Muze said...

i wouldn't mind if obama called me sweetie. but i can see her point.

i hate when men do that. especially young men.

Christopher said...

I agree with Muze: Obama could call me "sweetie" anytime.

And BTW, Peggy Agar still looks like a man, so deal with it.

RisingTide said...

Sweetie is as offensive as the person saying it. That is to say, if you're offended, tell 'em. The second time, it's their fault.

That said, it appears that the reporter was more upset with not getting her question answered, than with the name-calling.

Some women (particularly young ones) will FLIP OUT if you call them ma'am, as it connotes being married.

Sir, luckily enough, can be used on a man of any age.

momo said...

When you make fun of someone's appearance as a substitute for addressing their ideas, for whatever reason, it makes you look bad.
"Sweetie" may just be condescending, but women know that if you don't act all nice when some stranger calls you sweetie, the next words out of that someone's mouth will be skank, bitch and ho. Thanks for proving my point, Christopher. I'm disappointed, because you usually are quick to point out when other folks use racist or anti-gay language.

heartsandflowers said...

it doesn't mean he's evolved past appearance preferences and sexism!

Anonymous said...

"sir' is an Arabic word meaning a-hole; the first slaves were muslims (africans), they gave massa a great nickname

isonprize said...

The author takes a wicked right turn at the end of this article, but the beginning is definitely relevant to the "sweetie" comment.

Also, count me among the women who loved Barack's "Lay off my wife" comments.

Enjoy...

Oh Yes, He Will Make Us Better

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