I was running late for work this morning, so I was hauling ass on Roosevelt Boulevard, weaving in and out of traffic, and driving like there was a Lark sighting in Philadelphia. Anyway, as luck would have it, I see the flashing lights of the po po behind me. So I get the "driver's license and registration request from this Philly Highway Patrol cop. He looks like a good Irishman, and he looks like he has been doing his job for awhile. So anyway, as I take my driver's license out of my wallet, my man notices my court badge. He asks me what I do for a living and I tell him. He asks me why the rush, and I tell him I am late for court. He gives me one of those looks-the one I have gotten quite a few times after showing my badge- and he tells me to slow down be careful and have a nice day. No ticket, no warning, just have a nice day!
So now I am rushing into the court house, I recognize some of the sheriffs and they are all waving me through. Except for one. This particular sheriff tells me to stop. She wants to know where I think I am going without showing my bar card or some form of ID. I tell her I am an attorney and I actually work for the courts,but girlfriend isn't having it. I show her my badge. Still not having it, she wants to see my bar card. "Anybody can get a badge". I am late now, I have spent five minutes already with Cleopatra Jones. I tell her my bar card is in another brief case and I apologize for not having it. She wants me to go into another line. (it's longer and I would have to go all the way to the back) "He's cool, he works with another branch of the courts, I can vouch for him, he is a lawyer". She lets me go. I thank the sheriff that got my back, and I am on my way.
So here is what's bothering me; the two people that cut me some slack today, were white men. The one person that gave me a hard time, was a black female. I know she was just doing her job....but damn, did she have to be so hard on a brother? I have had this discussion with friends before about the hard ass attitude some of our own people take with each other; and honestly, I don't understand it. I mean why couldn't she just let me through with the badge I produced and taken my word that I was a lawyer? I know, I know, she was doing her job. But damn it, there is such a thing as common sense, and she wasn't using it. Like WTF? Did she think she was going to get a fucking raise for giving some field Negro a hard time because he couldn't quickly produce a bar card? Geez!
So that was the first thing. Now the second thing is a little more personal to me, and the fact that I am blogging about it might even piss some of you off. But fuck it, I always keep it 100% with you, and I won't stop now.
I passed by this lube shop called "Grease Monkey" today, and right in front of this shop was a brother with overalls covered in grease. First of all, I hate that fucking name, and every time I see one of those shops I get pissed off. ("Oh field, you are way too sensitive". I know, chalk it up to my knowledge of history) But something about seeing fam today in the hot ass son was very troubling to me. Couldn't he get a job at Jiffy Lube or some shit? I know people can name their franchise pretty much what they want, but do we have to work in that bitch, or patronize them with our business? "So where do you work?"" Ahhh with a lube and oil change company." "Yeah, what's the name of it? ""Ahhh Grease Monkey....""Grease Monkey? ""Yeah Grease Monkey...."
Maybe it's no big deal, but today I just wasn't in the mood to see that brother standing in front of Grease Monkey. The imagery just sucked! Kind of like girlfriend who wouldn't show a brother some love earlier in the day. Honestly, her ass should have been standing in front of grease monkey. At least the imagery would have been more appropriate.
57 comments:
Yes, yes. My mother said a Black person will treat you worse than anyone else. Meanwhile, those same fools will be the ones that tapdance and grin from ear-to-ear for white people.
It reminds me of that ER episode where the old black lady tells Dr. Benton she is sure his mother is very proud of him but she only wanted a white doctor.
Field
I hear ya! I've been in situations where I just knew (black folks)would cut me some slack. (rolling my eyes) I was wrong!
I've also been in situations thinking whites wouldn't cut me any slack....wrong again. They did!
i have had similar, mean-spirited experiences and i can't even get mad anymore....just chalk up to the possibility that when some people look at me they see the worst in themselves and it has nothing to do with my reality.
Grease Monkey. I imagine that he needs the money really bad to be working there. Or maybe he's the owner (I hope).
Yep; symphony, justice, and star, I think we have all been there. But personally,I am getting sick of it. It's starting to happen too much to me now. Maybe it's a Philly thing.
"Grease Monkey. I imagine that he needs the money really bad to be working there. Or maybe he's the owner (I hope)."
Yeah I hope so too, it still would have pissed me off though. In fact, it probably would have pissed me off more. Because if he could afford to buy into a franchise; why not buy into Jiffy Lube or Aamco or some shit? Why Grease Monkey?
Four things...
1. The African woman that's my boss's boss treats me like shit while she kisses the asses of my white coworkers. She could have mentored me, but she has instead chosen to bully and try to intimidate me. Too bad she doesn't know how her precious pets talk about her behind her weave-wearin' back.
2. Girlfriend sheriff probably thinks you're stuck up or married to a white woman (or both).
3. Field, brother, get somebody to proof-read your posts:
waiving me through?
She let's me go?
3. Is Lark cockeyed?
I accidentally bumped into your blog while googling that documentary on what black men think?? that I accidentally found out about on book tv. You are a great writer! Very informative and entertaining!
Why did she treat you badly? Internalized racism. Sometimes blacks hate themselves so much they end up treating each other worse than white people would treat them. And then of course there is the 'you look educated so you must have 'run off' with a white woman thing. good day
'Grease Monkey' -um, this falls under being ' too sensitive', FN. It's legal work...let it go...LOL
1) That's my thing, too. As much as I love a Black woman, it's usually a worker like that that'll fuck up my day. Not a white person, but my own gente. I swear to goodness. And then they have the nerve to get mad at me when I point out how mean they are. Wow.
2) Grease Monkey? Goodness.
Well, Wayne, you are part of the court system. The court system is designed to put black men in prison. If I were a white Deputy, I'd hurry you on your way , too.
Go on do your job, Negra.
My wife's from NE Philly. She once made a turn into oncoming lanes of Roosevelt Blvd going the wrong way. Imagine that...eight lanes of traffic heading right at you. (As a visitor, I was challenged by that road.)
I think of the "girlfriend" as overcompensating and covering her rear end. Government work requires covering your ass.
I think of the Grease Monkey guy as someone who latched onto that job when he had no prospects elsewhere.
I could be full of beans, but it's possible. Hope tomorrow treats you better.
"Grease Monkey" is demeaning to anyone working there, wouldn't you say? The owners of the franchise really should have thought that one through.
Before I read everyone's comments and change my mind, my theory. It's her being able to exercise power and not having the sense to know when to cut someone a break.
I do think we're very hard on each other which prevents us from working together and finding real and lasting solutions as group.
Sorry about that. However, at least you didn't get a speeding ticket.
Negroes do not like to see other Negroes get ahead. They will give you a hard time, like the dude in Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man. Not all, of course, but a few, enough to piss you off. We turn on each other but that is how the system rules and dominates. Vick's douche bag dad is now turning on his own son and trying to bury his ass.
Anon. you are so right, those type er. were corrected.
Hey, WTF? It was late!
Thanks again
"If I were a white Deputy, I'd hurry you on your way , too.
Go on do your job, Negra."
Oh yes,Michael Fisher; the REAL black man, the REAL black nationalist, the REAL "brotha". Not a "negra", but a "brotha":)
Right Michael? Because in your world, there is a difference. Real "brothas" keep it REAL. Like you, right Mike? With the Panther and the whole bit. That's REAL right?~~ :0)~~~
Michael, has it ever occured to you that I might actually DEFEND young black men in criminal court? No, I bet it hasn't. Too quick to see other black people as the enemy,and too quick to scold and chastise. Because only The REAL revolutionary -Michael Fisher- has the black card to say what black folks should or shouldn't do. (Please give me a fucking break!)
Save that bullshit for someone it impresses. You have no idea what I do, and frankly, you are not important enough for me to waste my time telling.
And anon. I just caught what you said;"is Lark cockeyed?" Now I will forgive and even thank you for ripping my spelling. But I will not tolerate slights of Lark Voorhies on this site. YOU APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW FOR THAT LITTLE COMMENT!
~~~~Forgive her Lark for she knows not what she does~~~~~~~
"Go on do your job, Negra" That was supposed to be the white Deputy speaking. Sorry I didn't make that clear.
Now, I figured that you are a Public Defender. And that' a good thing. But from the point of view of the powers to be you are a necessary cog in their system. You make it legitimate.
Without you, it wouldn't look "fair". Now you tell me in all honesty that your presence in that court prevents the system from being biased against black men.
On balance you might be able to do a thing or two for some brothers, but as a whole the system is bigger than you. That ain't your fault. It just is the way it is. And so a white deputy will send you on your way.
"Do a good job, Negra."
Next.
I think you need to keep it from being twisted. Ain't nobody said, and especially not me, that you are not a "real" black man, and I am one. That is some shit some of your Afrospear boys made up.
Keep that Jamaican temper in check.
I'm so tired of the constant insults to Black people, by Blacks and by whites.
I try to tell my (Afro-Brazilian) wife about things I read at the AfroSpear and in the national news about the United States, of how Blacks are treated in the US. But she says it makes her furious and she doesn't want me to tell her about it anymore. She also wants me to be careful and measured in how I tell the kids about American history. She doesn't want them to be full of hate.
I can understand that, really. Why should kids who haven't grown up in the US have to be filled with the same feelings of rage and self-doubt and distrust as children who grow up in the US. Isn't the point of NOT being in the US that one is no longer SUBJECT to the US, at least directly?
If my kids don't experience color-based insults everyday, then why should I BRING this experience to them?
My kids tell me I'm prejudiced. I believe I have color-aroused emotion, ideation and behavior. I've left the United States, haven't I?
I wonder if Sista ever received disciplinary action for letting someone through without a complete i.d. check? I wonder if they "test" security officers at the court house? That may be one reason for her attitude. I also have to wonder if a white person in the same situation as yours would have been subjected to the same treatment.
Black people tend to be subjected to tighter disciplinary action compared to white workers, in my experience. Especially if it's perceived that one black person is cutting another black person some slack.
TFN,
Sounds to me like the situation of the coach whose son is on the team -- the coach has to be extra tough on the son so as not to show favoritism. In your Cleo Jones situ, maybe Cleo was concerned that someone who is white might see her not demanding your Bar Card, and tattle on her for leniency toward a brother.
Or maybe she's a bitch, generally mean and demanding.
Or maybe she was having a bad day.
The copper experience is a surprise, though. Most police like to write tickets and clamp down on others -- especially lawyers, and especially non-whites. How'd you get through that pinch?
As an author I see another possibility. Are you sure you are telling us the whole story FN? Perhaps this sister is an ex- someone you saw in the ciurthouse cafeteria and she looked fine as spider spit with that pepper spray cannister and two-way radio hanging off them ample hips. Boobs fighting to part the buttons of her polyester uniform shirt (beige unform with brown pockets, I'm guessing). You introduce yourself. She sees you're a catch--being West Indian and thus automatically industrious and polite. You take her to that place Warmdaddy's (is it still there?), and she's sausaged into a tight summer dress and her painted toes are shoved into a pair of clear heeled mules. She remarks how the restaurant and $5 wine are "So re-squisite," and she's putty in to your big black Jamaican hands.
We can guess the rest. Now she's hassling you at the courthouse. Prepare for more drama. We'll see you on Court TV's Most Shocking Courthouse Brawls as a defendant bum rushes your table to wail on you after he's convicted...and the sheriff/bailiff there to protect you is none other than sista-girl--who stands by and watches this gangsta knock out four of your teeth. Uh huh...
LOL
you can't have it both ways, if a white person gave you a hard time, its racism. since sista-girl gave you a hard time its self-loathing. dude, its not always about your color. its about you planning your day better!
Okay. I apologize. Lark is the BOMB!
Christopher,
Ever hear of Zane? She's rich, you know.
Looks like you could do that, too! ;-)
She lives not too far from me in Maryland and yes, I've hung outwith her at book events, etc. many times. Let's say I like her, I like her notions of inclusivity, I respect her savvy for knowing what folks want to read. But what about what they SHOULD read? hahahaha. Given that I composed that ditty for FN in 12 seconds, she and others in the genre are certainly proving the notion that "anyone can write a bestseller" right.
OK MF, temper in check. But you you are still wrong about a brotha! I am not a part of the system the way you describe it. Although you might be right that me being in the court room will not effect the built in bias against people of color one way or the other. So score one there for MF.
OK Chris, you are scaring me. You actually made me have to think again what girlfriend looked like :) But sorry,it never happened. You are good though, I will give you that much.
Anon. apology accepted. Now if you will give me your e-mail address to shoot you my posts to proof I would appreciate that. Because honestly, spelling is not my forte, and time is something I have very little of :)
Which leads me to walter's comments. Walter you are right; I do need to plan my days better, and it isn't always about color. But it is about reality. And the reality is that I did get hooked up by two white men, and the sista dissed me. That's what my reality was, and that's what I felt like writing about.
Field-
This is off-topic, but I always notice your sidebar where you highlight James Ford Seale (If it's about class and not race then why...)
and he's just been sentenced to three life terms for the murder of Moore and Dee. Yeah, he was free and easy most of his life, but at least he'll die in jail.
Justice in America?
Jimbo
as for the Sista not giving you a break, it reminds me of where I work out - the Park District. When I first got there, the old White guy was the supervisor. It was 'supposed' to open at 7:00 a.m. He was there at 6:30 a.m., and had it open by 6:35 a.m.
He'd open up the locker rooms so that you could change and be on your way to exercising.
Since no supervision was needed in the Fitness Center, he didn't mind if we went right on in, even though the sign said that it didn't open until 8:00 a.m.
The lifeguards are usually there by 7:05- 7:10 a.m. - TOPS. All you needed to swim was A lifeguard.
And, even though I pay my money, I never had to show a pass.
He retires, and is replaced by a Black woman.
First of all, she wouldn't even open the doors until 7:00 a.m.
Then, she wouldn't open up the locker rooms, until SHE had 'inspected' them.
Then, suddenly, the POOL couldn't be opened until there was a 'lifeguard supervisor'.
And, those of us, in the fitness center, had to have a ' pass'.
Well, I do happen to carry around the RECEIPT of payment, and she wanted to hassle me about the pass, and cop an attitude that she was doing me a FAVOR by letting my Black ass into the Fitness Center at 7:30.
I was like, ok, and I went and faxed downtown on her ass.
While I would like to think that it was my complaint, I do happen to believe it was the complaints of all the White Swimmers, who weren't taking her smack, that got her slow her roll and back down. She has since been taken off of early mornings, and we have an old Black guy, who is like, ' come on in and do your business'...and he leaves us the $(#* alone.
She always looks like she wants to say something to me when she gets there on weekends (which I know she hates), but I pay her no mind.
And, everytime I pay for a new quarter, I make sure I show her the receipt as soon as I do it...we've come to a truce, because I was thisclose to taking off my earrings and slathering on vaseline.
MF said: " If I were a white Deputy, I'd hurry you on your way , too."
MF does make a good motive point, as minute as it may seem.
Repairman said: "I think of the "girlfriend" as overcompensating and covering her rear end. Government work requires covering your ass."
I think this is your explanation right here. Black woman, black man, we all do it to each other one way or the other.
Also, I wish "Jose" would refrain from marginalizing black women. Perhaps we should also look at how black women are usually treated initially by some black men. Or perhaps some black men need to re-evaluate their own demeanor as to why they get a negative reaction from some black women. I'm just saying.
I mean why couldn't she just let me through with the badge I produced and taken my word that I was a lawyer?
Why couldn't you have left the house earlier instead of acting like you should be enititled to special treatment because you were late, something you caused?
Just read the comments. I agree with Walter.
What black woman are you calling a bitch Sean?
Field,
I have mixed feelings about the encounter you had with the sistah. I really do understand what you mean when you say that we, black folks, have the tendency to be so hard on one another. I have to admit when I call customer service centers, I want to slam the phone down if a black woman is on the other end of it. Sadly, it is less likely that I will get the courtesy that I demand if the person that is helping me is one of my own. Ridiculous!
But on the other hand, I hate it when I come in contact with other blacks, especially black men, that think just because I'm a sistah that they can have their way-get some kind of hook up or something. Where I work, I come in contact with all races of people. And when I pick up the phone and get a black man on the other end of it, I brace myself for the game that will be attempted to be ran on me. And because I'm not a high attitude black woman, the brothas often think they can just go brotha man on me. They forget the line that's supposed to be there because of professionalism. They start talking to me like I'm their homegirl, they're girlfriend, or their sister. It's rather interesting.
Here's the truth... I like working with black clients. Mainly because I am so liberal with our folks. I like to help "us". But I hate it when people expect it, only because we share the same skin.
But why should I hate it. That is the same system that white folks benefit from all the time. Getting hook ups just because of their skin.
This system we live in is rather screwed up.
Peace,
Angie
Nuvision
Well, Field, as many people have made comments on this, I apologize for being late to the party (sista on business travel and no access to a computer, sorry).
I have gotten that treatment where white bosses have appreciated my knowledge, skills and abilities on the job, and allow me to do my thang, as long as it's understoond I make them look good.
Fine, by me.
The only times I was fired from a job in my career were by sistas who especially got upset that "The Man" noticed I had mad skills.
Add to the fact I worked for a brotha out in San Francisco, and I was the only African-American on his staff; but he chose to treat me differently than my non-Black co-workers:
(1) one got two months off with pay to study for the California bar exam (she flunked)
(2) one guy had MS, but his meds kept him from being totally disabled, but he used that to con the boss into doing dude's job;
(3) They all got to work overtime without him watching over them.
How I got treated by this same brotha:
(1) had to punch in and out (when I muttered something about going to the Union, he made the whole office punch in and out)
(2)had to submit leave slips before I could go anywhere (and sometimes he didn't approve of it, even though he allowed the others to come and go as they wished)
(3)I got invited to present at a major conference here in DC. When he was notified of my selection, brotha told me I had to take my own vacation time to represent the City and County of San Francisco. Then, his boss got wind of my selection to this conference, told my boss to allow me to go on company time, represent at the National level, and give him a briefing to the Health Commissioners Board when I got back (something my boss never got to do).
Brotha man started flat out harassing me, and not sexually, cause he was gay. He used to subject me to bad hygene when I'd have to meet in his office and he smelled like he and his man got some early morning lovin' - but he failed to do one thing - TAKE A DAMNED SHOWER AND BRUSH HIS TEETH!!!
Can you say, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW".
After three years of that shyt, I went to the union and asked for a meeting to discuss his blatant discriminating treatment of me compared to my colleagues. Rather than face the music, brotha asked for and received a transfer from our office.
You always have one of "us" who wants to so prove to "The Man" that he/she will treat us no differently, or favorably than the non-Blacks they supervise. And that was probably girlfriend's deal with you.
I'm not saying it was right, because it wasn't. It is but another indication of the subjection our race has gone through, and the impulse to compensate when it isn't necessary.
Until our people get schooled on the "not necessary to compensate for previous bad actors" lesson, unfortunately, we'll all deal with this crap, even if you call them out on it.
But call them out on it, anyway. They'll either step up to the plate and correct their behavior, or opt like my boss did, and run for cover because I was right, and he knew it.
As for the sistas?
One got fired, and one got under a federal indictment for fraud (she fired me because I wouldn't sign off on an agreement stipulating a contractor was in compliance with Civil Rights laws, when I hadn't done an investigation).
They didn't fire me because I was incompetent (fat pay outs to me until I found another gig) they fired me because they were haters. And we sistas need to stop hatin' on each other.
Sorry for the long post...but I understand exactly what you went through.
Sean said: "Or maybe she's a bitch, generally mean and demanding."
Wow Kitty, I didn't see that one before either. It's bad enough she's being accused of intra-racism, but why does she have to be a bitch as well - for doing herjob?
It seems many black men think black women are in some way obligated to give the black man a break. I think since post slavery, this sexist handed down mentality played a big role in the black community. And when she doesn't comply, notice misogynist comments may pop up. No offence and I'm not saying this necessarily applies to the situation in the original post.
Maybe Cleopatra was a fairly new employee & was concerned her supervisor was lurking around making sure she was sticking to the letter of the rules. Just a thought. Seems unfair to blame her for you being late for work, when a cop had already let you off the hook on a careless driving citation & you didn't cause an accident. Count your blessings.
We can speculate all day. I think the next time you roll through there, you should ask her about it. It'd be interesting to hear what she has to say.
And, Christopher Chambers' comments had me dying. Wowzer!
Hail to the 'grease monkey' as in the guy in the overalls. Would you rather he was standing on the street corner ready to rob you blind? Well it is about time black people learned to define who they are. If not white people will decide who you are. Do you know how much time psychologists spent in the 19 and 20th centuries trying to prove how evolutionarily inferior blacks are? Read the mismeasure of man by stephen j Gould. I think of randall pinkton (the guy that won the apprentice). I can only imagine what people thought of his skin color when he was growing up. Blacks can be cruel you know! Yet he seems to know who he is (somebody did a good job raising him up.) Look at what the guy has done with his life Rutgers MIT Rhodes scholar.. The best thing that blacks can do for their kids is having the 'who you are talk' right along with the birds and the bees. If you don't know who you are you will end up declining a job at the Grease monkey and standing on the street corner in the name of being proud. Hell I will take a job at the grease gorilla.
"It seems many black men think black women are in some way obligated to give the black man a break. I think since post slavery, this sexist handed down mentality played a big role in the black community. And when she doesn't comply, notice misogynist comments may pop up. No offence and I'm not saying this necessarily applies to the situation in the original post."
I am glad that you qualified your comments by saying it did not apply to my post.
But wow, how did that post morph from a sista not hooking me up at a freaking metal detector to a indictment on black men and how they treat black women in general?
Mmmm, calling Dr Phil, calling Dr. Phil. Like WTF? Yes, I admit I was late, and yes, I admit I got a hook up earlier. But I don't go around expecting a hook up. And hear is something you all are missing; damn near every attorney comes and goes on a regular in that building without having to show their bar card. So that argument won't fly. My only regret is that I could not have stayed to see if she checked everyone like that. Somehow I suspect she didn't.
And I will leave earlier and be careful on the Boulevard next time; because like one poster above stated, it can be a mother. And yes, I could have hurt myself or someone else. Mea Culpa!
I still won't apologize for my thoughts about girlfriend though,until at least I can prove that she is that way with everybody.
Yeah, do your job, but treat everyone the same.
Is that too much to ask?
Geez!
But wow, how did that post morph from a sista not hooking me up at a freaking metal detector to a indictment on black men and how they treat black women in general?
Read some of the comments, especially the one that refer to her being a possible bitch that day. Personally, I might have given you a break, but that's me. Now, I'm sure when YOU walked up, she knew 'people' were probably taking note also. Despite your rushing, did you walk up to her with an extra warm welcoming smile and a pleasant good morning greeting because you saw a black sistah or another black person? Now, why should she have to risk her job to give you a break because you happen to be black like her (she didn't know you either). Like I said, we do it to each other all the time, one way or the other. Also, if it was the other way around being a black male officer and a black female attorney, I won't doubt he was going to put on the extra show too. Let the black female attorney complain within earshot of her black peers, she's going to get the "you probably had an attitude with him" or "you're the one that came late" or "the brother is just doing his job, why make a brother risk his good job".
Yeah I'm speculating too. All in all, I do feel your point. I say it and see it all the time as well, I'm with you on that angle. However, in this case it's kind of touchy considering the open eyes security issue of it. Maybe she does stop the white attorneys as well (ironic how she would faster get in to hot water just by doing that).
Peace
@ Field Negro,
It could have been that she had been warned before about cutting people slack or she was just being rude. Many black men and women are like this though, no matter what job it is.
Blacks I have noticed get entertainment from mistreating blacks. I have seen this, and encountered it. I don't blame my fellow mulattoes who have a white phenotype for not saying they have one black parent, because of their white phenotype (physical look) blacks on average don't bother them. And, treat them good because of fear of white authority (law, police, jury, etc). It makes you wonder whether or not it is genetic or cultural or both? Some characteristic that says every time you see a black person give him or her a hard time, and try to start a fight. I just wrote bout this same subject what a coincidence. I have lost a blog friendship because the black woman lost her kool, and got angry, and used racism as an excuse to justify her black pathological behavior (rudeness, insults that were totally unprovoked the funny thing is I was helping her accomplish a particular project).
Many blacks enjoy mistreating blacks. It could also be Field Negro, that she had a sexual attraction for you, and like many black women did not know how to express herself socially (bad social skills), and lashed out by giving you a hard time. This mistreatment is one of the reasons blacks move away from blacks and prefer to live among whites.
That's why I never go to a black woman teller at the bank.
"did you walk up to her with an extra warm welcoming smile and a pleasant good morning greeting because you saw a black sistah or another black person?"
Actually, I did. If there is one thing I can say that I was thought and thought well, is to be always polite and pleasant to people. So I am quite sure that I was more than polite and pleasant to this lady.
Nope, she could never use that as an excuse. But I am feeling your question, it's a legitimate one. The irony is, that she might not have thought I was not an attorney because of my more than pleasant demeanor. Most of my colleagues and fellow attorneys can be jerks, and are less than pleasant to people they encounter. Maybe my behavior didn't fit the profile to here.
about that possibility
Please leave the Black Woman alone. She has too much shit to deal with already. The weight of all the assumptions people heap upon us is too much. Can't a Black Woman just do her job efficiently sans all the negativity? Any time someone is having a bad day, pick on a Black Woman. Easy target. Just blame it on her attitude. That'll fly. Why can't people recognize that? Instead they join the bandwagon of complaintants. Black Woman too sassy. Black Woman too cocky. Black Woman too bossy. The truth of the matter is that a Black Woman is damn tired. Tired of all the expectations. Tired of being the strong one. Tired of defending herself at EVERY turn. Tired of being called a bitch for it. Tired of the lack of appreciation. Tired of defending others that don't defend her. Tired of being the scapegoat. Tired of the overall lack of respect (most especially from Black Man).
Field honey, just come correct. Show a Black Woman that you understand. Notice a Black Woman before you need a favor. Don't make a Black Woman have to jeopardize something to be okay in your book. Don't be mad when she doesn't risk her job for a stranger who has never acknowledged her presence previously. ARe you going to risk your job for her? That's not too much to ask, huh? Come correct.
Kitty,
I didn't call anyone a bitch. What I was offering was my view on what types of attitude and personality can explain behavior that seems irrational or excessively personal.
You're free to interpret my words as you wish, but you shouldn't be surprised when I tell you that what I was honestly thinking and what I honestly intended is totally different from what you read into it.
In other words, the only person who's being considered for the "bitch" label would be anyone who acts like one. Male or female. Animal or vegetable. Doesn't really matter. Isn't really directed at any one person.
And in every case, female dogs always get called bitches, so let's not quarrel over how the word "bitch" meant something other than what I intended.
"Please leave the Black Woman alone. She has too much shit to deal with already. The weight of all the assumptions people heap upon us is too much. Can't
a Black Woman just do her job efficiently sans all the negativity? Any time someone is having a bad day, pick on a Black Woman. Easy target. Just blame
it on her attitude. That'll fly. Why can't people recognize that? Instead they join the bandwagon of complaintants. Black Woman too sassy. Black Woman
too cocky. Black Woman too bossy. The truth of the matter is that a Black Woman is damn tired. Tired of all the expectations. Tired of being the strong
one. Tired of defending herself at EVERY turn. Tired of being called a bitch for it. Tired of the lack of appreciation. Tired of defending others that
don't defend her. Tired of being the scapegoat. Tired of the overall lack of respect (most especially from Black Man)." Wild Magnolia
Yeah, yeah, yeah... Black women have had it hard. And yes, the anger that's demonstrated by black women may indeed be because of all the stress and pressure she's under. But that is no reason at all to continue with these jacked up attitudes.
Note: I'm not saying that the woman that Field was dealing with had a bad attitude. It's quite likely that she was just doing her job and doing it under the policy that was given to her.
But the above statement by you, Wild Magnolia, implies that black women have some kind of free pass to be rude just because we've been exposed and affected by so much bullsh**. That's ridiculous.
It's high time for black women to take a strong look at ourselves and how we think of ourselves, how we come off to others, and how we treat one another. It's time for some honesty. It's time to keep it real.
I also use to walk around with the "black woman chip" on my shoulders. But I had to get rid of that chip. That chip was more burdening than all the burdens I was having to carry around for being a black woman.
Angie
Nuvision
"Field honey, just come correct. Show a Black Woman that you understand. Notice a Black Woman before you need a favor. Don't make a Black Woman have to jeopardize something to be okay in your book. Don't be mad when she doesn't risk her job for a stranger"
OK wildmagnolia, I feel you.I will try to be more understanding next time. But I swear if I find out that she treats "charlie" any different, you know she will be wrong for that And it will throw everything you said out the window.
And thank you Angie for throwing in your two cents. As a woman, you can speak to that issue much more eloquently than any of us men ever could.
Did I say "thought" instead of "taught" and visa versa in my previous comments? Woozie and anon. must be killing me :0
"But the above statement by you, Wild Magnolia, implies that black women have some kind of free pass to be rude just because we've been exposed and affected by so much bullsh**. That's ridiculous."
-----------------------------------
Angie, I agree. That WOULD be ridiculous. However, I never said a thing about a free pass on rudeness and your statement implies that the stereotype of Black Women with a bad attitude is true and we need to check ourselves. That's part of the problem. Approaching a situation with that in mind will undoubtedly lead to a rude response.
I'm saying let's look more closely at the indictment of Black Women as a whole. I don't feel it's justified. I'm saying that there are so many people that have that same attitude as you suggested and approach a Black Woman with preconceived notions of what they THINK they are supposed to be that their view is not only tainted but helps to create the response that they assumed they were going to get before the interaction actually occurs.
-----------------------------------
"OK wildmagnolia, I feel you.I will try to be more understanding next time. But I swear if I find out that she treats "charlie" any different, you know she will be wrong for that And it will throw everything you said out the window."
Field, if indeed she treats "charlie" differently that would be wrong. But also ask yourself, how did charlie approach her.
"But also ask yourself, how did charlie approach her. "
OK I will look at that too. But i am sure it won't be any better then i aproached her. Especially if it's an atty.
"visa versa" in my above comments? WTF? Of course I meant vice versa. Geeez!
"But the above statement by you, Wild Magnolia, implies that black women have some kind of free pass to be rude just because we've been exposed and affected
by so much bullsh**. That's ridiculous." Angie (My own words)
Okay Wild Magnolia... Maybe I shouldn't have said that your statement seems to give black women a free pass to be rude because of all the crap that they've been through. But that's how I felt when I read the statement. It reminded me of all the attempts that many black women have tried to make at making a case why they are so crabby, tempermental, and just plain out rude.
Now look, I know that sistahs have a lot on their shoulders. White girls don't have to put up with half the crap we do. When I look at the words above by the Christian Progressive Liberal, I'm reminded of all the crap that black women have to go through when they are in the work place.
I remember a black economist pointing out how we, black women, have to take care of so many people. Becky gets to grow up, get married or not, get a job, and go on trips, skiing, diving, or where ever she wants to go.
On the other hand, when we grow up, we got to most likely be single, take our hard earned money and take care of family members that don't have the resources to do it themselves-sick parents, gone astray sisters/brothers/ grandkids, and so on.
Right now, I feel stressed out as hell. And I feel that it is agreat deal of pressure on my back because I am a black woman.
But again, that doesn't give me any reason to give folks a tongue lashing every time I come in contact with them.
Now maybe I shouldn't over generalize. But I think that this whole issue with certain black women having strong attitudes and the propensity to be rude, needs to be examined with honesty.
Am I saying that all black women are rude and all white girls are nice? Of course not.
Actually, I don't give a dag on about white women. I just care about how we come off. And the fact is that we, who have enough to deal with, could do better at adjusting our attitudes, communication styles, and conflict management skills.
Here's a confession... When I started my most recent job, I was really pleased that so many educated sistahs worked in my office. And they seemed to be real cool But it was only a few days before the sistah girl bad attitude started rearing it's ugly head in a couple of the women. Here we all are, black women with masters degrees, but there are still a couple of us that feel the need to lash out and be rude, be rigid, to be stank. I'm disappointed that we, educated black women, couldn't just work together with out the foolishness popping off so fast and high.
Now, if you don't agree with me, and if I'm coming off a little to strong in this post, understand that I'm still trying to understand this whole issue. So, my ability to articulate what my position on the matter is, the diagnosis of the problem and the solution to solve the problem, may not appear to be that solid. But I think this needs to be talked about, so I'm talking.
Let's talk.
Angie
One more thing... When I'm addressing the whole black woman thing, I'm talking about how black women interact and communicate with other black folks. I think that's what needs to be looked at. Actually that was the inspiration of the initial post by Field, the way the sistah came off to him, a black man.
Angie
Field, I have a question... Was the black woman that you came in contact with rude to you, or did she just not let you slide? Were you offended by her attitude, and were you just offended because she wouldn't let you through?
Angie
Off topic: I think Zane sucks. I could write better erotica sitting on the toilet.
Thats right, I said it.
L
"Field, I have a question... Was the black woman that you came in contact with rude to you, or did she just not let you slide? Were you offended by her attitude, and were you just offended because she wouldn't let you through?"
Good question Angie. I think you are th eonly person that asked this, and I think it's imporant. I thought she was borderline rude to me. But that was just me. She might have been that way with everybody. Honestly, I was in too much of a rush to stick around and find out.
I do know that when the other sheriff told her that it was cool to let me go, she seamed pissed, and she certainly acted as if she was not happy with letting me go.
But hey, I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she is that way with everyone, black, white, and whoever.
We will see.
"Now, if you don't agree with me, and if I'm coming off a little to strong in this post, understand that I'm still trying to understand this whole issue. So, my ability to articulate what my position on the matter is, the diagnosis of the problem and the solution to solve the problem, may not appear to be that solid. But I think this needs to be talked about, so I'm talking."
Angie, I TRULY understand. I just left a job in March that I endured for four years and I just couldn't take it anymore. My Black co-workers made it unbearable. Both the men AND the women. I chalked it up to post Katrina stress. But it existed to a degree before that.
The kind of disappointment I felt brought me to tears a couple of times. How I wish I had a solution. I put my own theory to the test and paid close attention to my own actions and how I approached other Black Women and Men. I tried being a little more sincere and engaging and sometimes I like to think it helped. Until someone comes up with something better, that's all I can do for now.
What I find really disturbing and what probably hit a nerve in Field's initial post (FN, I'm not accusing you. It just reminded me of the vibe I see in some Black Men) is a lot of negativity from Black Men towards Black Women. There's a show that comes on TVOne (I think that's the station) where a group of Black Men sit around discussing Black Man issues. I've only seen the show a few times but always with nothing good to say about Black Women. I say to myself, what happened to us? When and why did we start hating each other on such a deep level? I'm open to discussion and suggestions about this. I don't have the answers.
Thanks Angie and Field for your responses and open minds. Every solution begins with sincere discourse.
X
Field, I think it might be interesting to conduct a little experiment. With this woman that you perceived as a little rude and not letting you slide, smile and ignore the attitude, look her straight in the eyes and ask her how she's doing. Seem genuinely interested and see what kind of response you get.
Let us know how it works out. If you're amenable.
X
OK wildmagnolia, I can do that. I will let you know how it goes. I hope she is still there.
They do move the sheriffs around from time to time.
Oddly enough, I've never seen a Grease Monkey in my life. However, I have seen some sistas that are hard on a brother ... but that is another story for another day!
peace, Villager
Post a Comment