Monday, August 27, 2007

But senator, I just met you.


The field is stuck at the airport waiting for a flight. The field is bored because his flight is late. The field doesn't want to stuff his face with airport junk food , so he loads up on some ice cold mineral water. Not surprisingly, the field has to go and take a quick twinkle.


The field is in the men's bathroom, freeing his willy wonka, and spilling his yellow lemon aide in its appropriate place. So while he is, ahem ahem, flowing; an older white haired gentleman slides up to the urinal next to the field. Mmmm, the field is a little curios, there are plenty of empty stalls in the bathroom, and this older white gentleman comes right next to the field.


He is glancing around, he looks nervous, every now and then he glances down at the field, and now the field is getting a little pissed. The field starts to shake his willy wonka (This of course takes awhile :)) and the man is staring intently at the field's, ahem ahem tool. "Motherfucker are you looking at my dick? "The field is furious. "Oh, no, I was just admiring it," says the old white haired white gentleman. "Admiring it?""Yes, I am sorry.... may I touch it?"" Ahhh hell no! What kind of man do you think I am. First, I am not gay, so I don't think I would particularly enjoy you touching my Johnson. And second, if I was gay, you sure as fuck wouldn't be my type."" Well, I am a U.S. Senator, I could make it worth your time."" Ahhh no, I don't think so."" Please, I just got off of very a long flight, and I am feeling particularly horny right about now. I have always had jungle fever, we don't see too many of you people where I am from in Idaho. I see lots of you in D.C., but I am a well respected Republican, and I can't afford to mess up, I have to be careful."" Well you ain't being so fucking careful now. I mean we are in a public rest room, and I am a total stranger. Forget the fact that I could commence to whopping your ass, but if I were a cop, I could arrest you for lewd behaviour(British spelling woozie) in a public restroom . Did you say you were a Republican?" "Yes I am."" Well what is it with you freaky mother fuckers? Look man, if I were you, I would zip up my pants, and walk away. I am going to do you a favour(British spelling woozie) and pretend this didn't happen. You are lucky I am not a reporter or a blogger or some shit. Now go on man, before I call the cops on your ass. " :)


OK, so the above story was fictional. But I did get my inspiration from this report.


Hey, at least he didn't blame his behavior on being nervous because too many blacks were around.


Gotta love those conservative republicans. Here is a guy who endorsed his state's(Idaho) anti gay amendment, HJR2, which essentially banned gay marriages,civil unions, and domestic partnerships. Yet, the motherfucker is in a public bathroom trying to play footsie with an undercover cop from a bathroom stall.


Folks, that's called balls. Whoops, maybe I should have used another word.


19 comments:

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

No, it's called being so deep in the closet that you deny you're homosexual, even though you're propositioning undercover cops in public male restrooms at airports, no less.

Another ReThug uncovered...nothing to see here, move along, LOL

Anonymous said...

"Folks, that's called balls. Whoops, maybe I should have used another word."

HA!

I got in an argument with a GOOP guy who tried to draw a parallel btwn Larry Craig and Barney Frank. All I could say was that Frank is open, and goes home and gets his jollies from his openly gay spouse. You may not like that, but hypocrisy it ain't.

What is WITH these guys?

Jimbo

Christopher Chambers said...

It was infuriating how the wingnuts defended Nugent (and we black folks have said nothing about it). It was comical to the point of hysterical laughter to see them dance around this. But you can best believe the gays aren't gonna let this pass the way our lame black asses seem more concerned with forgiving Vick and R Kelly...

rikyrah said...

I LMAO when I first saw this on the tv.

HILARIOUS.

HILARIOUS.

It's just sooooo wickedly funny.

Where are his Holy Roller friends?

But, I guess we should be thankful that he didn't use the Black man excuse....THAT is still some of the most ridiculous tripe I've ever read.

Rachel's Tavern said...

I'm on the same page with you here.

I'm taking bets on how many Republican will be caught in these scandals before the year is over?

The Angry Independent said...

LOL

Another priceless Field Negro Post.

justice58 said...

"I'm taking bets on how many Republican will be caught in these scandals before the year is over"?
___________________________________
Oh yeah, and the door is wide open now!

What is it with these Republicans with scandal after scandal! Talk about hypocrisy!

The Black Sentinel said...

That is what these closet freaks do, they go to town banning gays. Scream with the most passion about gays ruining our "family values". Then turn around and want to scream with passion while getting the goods from some gay person. So it seems to me that these politicians who are so feverish about banning gays are the biggest undercover gay dudes.

Hell, I had to wonder about Bush for a second or two when he was busted for giving a press pass to a dude named Jeff Gannon or AKA James Dale Guckert who was throwing him a bunch of softball questions. We find out the guy is a gay prostitute with a website telling what he can do for you. That was very disturbing, but hey to each his own.

Come on Repugnicans just live and let live. Come out the closet and be free, you'll probably be a lot happier.

FN this had me cracking up, thanks it was needed.

Bygbaby said...

Damn, after 2 glasses of late night red wine, this fictitious story sent me over the top laughing.

I love your satire!

Bygbigshitybaby

Ross said...

Another dude bites the dust. Can't these dudes control themselves? Call up Jeff Ganon.

field negro said...

Someone made a good point about Barney Frank(D-Ma). The guy is openly gay, so what. He doesn't go around screaming one thing and doing another. That's what gets people with these conservative repubs,the hypocrisy.

These ass holes are trying to pass laws that would limit gay rights, and then they try to get their freak on on the sly.

BTW, the guy was also a high ranking member of Mitt Romney's presidential campaign.

Villager said...

Field - Nobody can report on current events quite like you do! Outstanding post. The list of politicians doing stupid shit seems to grow on a daily basis. Me? I just want a president that I can be proud of again (shameless self-promotion!).

peace, Villager

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Dang, now that's how many (a) drug dealers or (b) closted homosexuals that Mitt has had to boot off his campaign?

He and his sons would be of better use to this country by suiting up and going to Iraq to serve, instead of meandering along the country in a Winnebago, trolling for votes, gay hookups in public bathrooms and trying to sell weed and cocaine from state to state.

There is no comparison between Barney Frank and GOP Closted ReThugs. Mr. Frank is open about his life, and his spouse; people like Mark Foley or Larry Craig can be compared to J. Edwina Hoover - who was a closeted gay bigot who had African-American ancestry in his lineage,liked to cross-dress, and he even had his boyfriend, Clyde Tolson, on the FBI payroll.

It's like Heaven - everyone's taling about, but everyone isn't going to Heaven. These guys are homophobes and wonder why they have to keep their true desires under cover.

As for our Pres - I think the guy bats for both teams...Rove didn't allow Gannon in the White House because he had mad skills as an actual journalist; he had the "eight-inch cut", ahem.

Here was my take on all this crap two years ago at Buzz Flash:

http://www.buzzflash.com/contributors/05/03/con05106.html

I thought men measuring their johnsons went out with Porky's...;-)

Woozie said...

Oh I know it's British spelling but this is America, and in America you spell in American you Ruskie punk.

Any story of someone violating the time tested Urinal Rules reminds me of the time from South Park when Mr. Garrison was confronting his gay side:

Gay: What about the time you stared at Counselor Mackey's penis in the staff showers?

"Straight": I was just comparing sizes!

Gay: For seven minutes?!?

Bob said...

Great post, Field. Richard Kim in The Nation writes that for Republicans, "it would be better to be seen in the public eye as an avowed racist than as someone who likes to have sex with men sometimes."

Mahndisa S. Rigmaiden said...

08 28 07

Hehhehehehehehehehe Now that is truly funny FN! I just don't understand how these asshats claim to have a monopoly on morality yet so many of them have serious issues with sex, which is why I remain an obstinate independent;) heheheheh You might try your hand at comedy writing you are good!

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