Sunday, November 30, 2008

It wasn't Pacman.

I think the last time I went to a club just to be clubbing, En Vogue had a hit. For the most part, unless it's a private affair, I try to keep my old ass out of where the bubbly is popping and the music is flowing.

Now I am not going to be a hypocrite and lie and say that I didn't hit the clubs when I was younger, and I certainly would not lie and say I didn't have a good time when I was doing it. But the thing is, I never had millions of dollars sitting in the bank before I was thirty, and my face and name wasn't recognizable to most of the people in my hometown.

Which brings me to Plaxico Burress: This clown went to a club with a loaded firearm which he was not licensed to carry in New York city of all places. And, of course, the story gets better. This idiot actually discharged his weapon and shot himself....let me repeat that. He shot himself. This man is a professional athlete and it is his job to play a game, therefore his body has to be in professional shape. Yet here he was with a loaded firearm on his person in a crowded night club. Honestly, the breath of this man's stupidity is beyond comprehension. Plaxico, just think of the money you could have given to charity, and not to Benjamin Brafman to keep your ass out of jail.

Frankly, I am sick of these athletes doing dumb shit to throw away their careers and possibly their lives. From Pacman, to Tank, to Michael, to Chad, it's just sad. Oh come on field, they are just a small percentage of the athletes playing sports. Most athletes are out here living their lives on the straight and narrow and contributing to their communities. Why single out these guys? Because the amount that they have thrown away is staggering, and it amazes me that even with story after story of tragic endings because of bad choices, these rocket scientists continue to do the same crap.

And let me talk about the elephant in the room: the common thread of all the people I mentioned....ahh never mind, I will leave the elephant alone. Many of them left neighborhoods that I am sure they would never want to return to, yet they continue to act as if their downfall will be inevitable, and all they have to do are things which will hasten it. High profile people in our community who do things that play into negative stereotypes is not cool. I don't care how many of them are doing right, all it takes is one, and it's that one that will always lead the news.

Oh well, here is hoping that Plaxico pulls through this little mess. (Well it's not little; someone could have been killed in that club) Believe me, as an Eagles fan it took a lot for me to say that. But I am serious. I wish all the best for this brotha, even if he doesn't care enough about himself.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Is satire in the eyes of the beholder?

Most of you know that I like to explore the World Wide Web and see where my travels take me. And for the most part the stuff that I come across is usually pretty informative, and educational. But every now and then I stumble across blogs, or blog posts that really leave me scratching my head. Not because of the ignorance or sheer risibility of the posts, but because I am often left wondering if the sites themselves were meant to be purely satirical in the vein of sites like "The Onion.", or my man, Jon Swift.

Take this little gem for instance, which was accompanied by the picture shown above: *

"I ain’t predudice or nothing but lets call a spade a spade! America ain’t ready for no Negro in the WHITE House! I ain’t a Democrat, but I can see that Jackie Kennedy brung CLASS to the WHITE House. Even though her hubby act like a horny nig, doing everything that cross his dang path!!!! LOL

But do we really want chicken bones all over the floor of the Map Room? Do we want crack pipes and thongs all over the durn floor of the Chinaman Room? Do we want pickaninnies running round the Residence? Do we want disgusting rap music bout colored bitches and hos played at full blast — until the French Ambassador glasses rattle — at state dinners where the main coarse is fat back and pickle pig feet?

You all — they still time to save this country from this disgrace!!!!! I decided — I done care how bad a white trash mother Sarah Palin is or how old or stupid John McCain is — we CAN NOT have no Negro in the WHITE HOUSE!!!!!!!"

Okay, I think get this (I hate to give these clowns hits), and I think it's to shock and attract readers because the author couldn't be serious. Or, the author could be making a serious point about just how ridiculous certain posts and comments--- like the one above--- really are.

See, that's my problem, I can't really tell if this site is meant to be a serious site or not. ("REPUBLICANS FAITH CHAT"?) I checked some of the links, and they seem to pass the smell test. So you have to wonder, what gives? It would be just like those mean libs to make up a site and pretend that they are republicans. I mean the more I read the more convinced I became that the site was meant to mock and demean republicans and Christians in general. And here is the thing: if it is meant to be purely satirical, is there such a thing as satire overkill? Are the creators of the site now using satire to do and say what they wanted to do and say all along but couldn't because of their fear of political correctness running amok?

I am so glad I have all you smart folks who comment here on the regular to help me with this, because I am sure that you will check it out and break it down for me.

Ahhh I love blogging; you can actually take a break from the mental weight lifting and ask others to do some of the lifting for you. And the real beauty of it is that you can stay in pretty good shape by just reading.

Friday, November 28, 2008

I guess this is why they call it "Black Friday."

"Walmart worker trampled to death when shoppers burst through the doors this morning, taking the doors off the hinges. Really, what could be worth trampling a man to death at Walmart?These are some sick mofos." ~~Sfd928~~

"In college, I worked a black Friday at Macy's. I was stocking a Christmas wrapping sales display near a doorway. The boss said, whether you're finished or not, get yourself off the floor before the store opens, go drink coffee for awhile. Well, I didn't notice the thousand women outside the door & I was still stocking when the doors were unlocked. They came at me in a mob grabbing wrapping out of my hands, pushing at me. I struggled through the crowd, went to the lunchroom, the boss was there reading a newspaper, took one look at me & said, 'I warned you."' ~~ Bob~

Those two comments from my previous post were prophetic and sad. Imagine working your 9-5 at Wal Mart, earning seven bucks an hour to help make ends meet, only to lose your life to a bunch of assholes who are trying to save a few bucks on some cheap appliances. I mean I know that New Yorkers are supposed to be rude, but this is ridiculous.

So now we are reduced to this; literally killing each other in the name of commercialism. And I am going to keep it real with you: (Don't I always?) Look at the people in that picture. Can someone tell me why the hell my cousins love material shit so much? We should be the last group of people in this economic climate out spending like there is no tomorrow and trampling people to get to shit, but there we are; PlayStation or bust!

But of course, this madness is not limited to one group of people. As I said in my previous post, it is an A-merry-can phenomenon, and it seems like this kind of stuff happens every year. (Is there something in the air vents at Wal Mart ?)

And where does the responsibility of these large box store companies begin? When is it too much to say that I am going to give away ten flat screen television sets to the first ten people who come through the door? At what point do we hold these clowns accountable for their actions?

"Witnesses said he tried to hold back the crowds as they took the doors right off their hinges in the dash when the store opened at 5 a.m. this morning for Black Friday:

'He was bum-rushed by 200 people,' said Jimmy Overby, 43, a co-worker. 'He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too...I literally had to fight people off my back.'
A pregnant shopper who made her way inside the store with the masses was pushed to the ground and suffered a miscarriage, a witness said. Sadly, no one stopped to help the victims:
Before police shut down the store, eager shoppers streamed past emergency crews as they worked furiously to save the store clerk's life..."

I don't know what the worker's compensation laws are like in New York , but here is hoping that the family of that poor Wal Mart clerk gets themselves a damn good lawyer. And here is hoping that everyone of those sick clowns who bum rushed that store has a conscience, a conscience that doesn't ever let them forget.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of a good deal.

Like so many other A-merry-cans, my life is full of contradictions. I like nice clothes, but I hate crass commercialism. I consider myself a world citizen, but I am not crazy about NAFTA and I think it's better to buy A-merry-can. And speaking of buying A-merry-can; I have a lot of empathy for the A-merry-can auto worker and the folks in Detroit, but I drive a foreign car. I wish my government would do more for those who are less fortunate than the rest of us, yet I bitch and moan come tax time. So yes, I consider myself somewhat of a hypocrite, but I am not alone.

Tomorrow is Black Friday, and we A-merry-cans will once again give in to the lure of crass commercialism because of our thirst for all things material. What recession? And if there is one is this how we fight it? We will be swiping our credit cards and buying on credit right up until Christmas Eve, because god forbid little Johny and Tyrone don't get those play stations, and those little motorized toy cars they always wanted. I always wondered what it was about A-merry-ca that made us embrace commercialism so much. It is the one ism that I guarantee you will be with us right until the end of the republic.

Any challenge to A-merry-ca's spirit of consumerism will always fail. Think Prohibition, Puritanism,Ralph Nader's consumer rights movement, and even the Socialist loving radical counter culture of the sixties; they all went down. Nothing, not the depression, not the gloomy seventies, and not the frat boy's recession prevented or will prevent A-merry-cans from being materialistic. Materialism is the A-merry-can way. It's why the frat boy told us to go out and shop after 911. Let those crazy ass Muslims kill themselves and blow up buildings, we A-merry-cans will just keep rocking our "True Religion" jeans and our Nike's, it's what we do.

This is how your worth is judged in A-merry-ca. By how many things you have, and who designed them. Not by what type of person you are.

Many A-merry-cans (including Mrs. Field, no clean hands in this family) will be out at the crack of dawn. They will be trying to load up on their already large stash of material things, all because the smart retailers were able to figure out that if you mark something up 100%, and then mark it down 50% from that, the deal loving A-merry-cans will bite. If you think I am lying try to get into any popular retail store tomorrow and do a little shopping. I guarantee you that it will be one of the worst experiences you will ever have. But, as is always the case, you will probably try to talk yourself into thinking that it was all worth it. After all, you wouldn't be a real A-merry-can if you didn't.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

These terrorists* are not thankful.

What I know about India is this: They were once ruled by the British like my native Jamaica. Their bowlers were known to put a mean spin on the ball in the game of cricket. Every customer service call that has to do with anything technical, ends up there. And, they have a film industry, that rivals the one in Hollywood.

Now I know something else: they have also fallen victim to the horrors of terror. Coordinated attacks all over the city of Mumbai; at various hotels, hospitals, a restaurant, and even the train station have killed at least 80 people. And now there is word that mostly Westerners were targeted by these brazen attackers.

Now sadly, my first thought was, hey at least they waited until after the elections (forgive me lord), because if this had happened month ago, the old man from Arizona and the beauty queen from Alaska would be mapping out their transition team. And conversely, if this had happened after the inauguration, we would be listening to Wingnuts scream at the top of their lungs: I told you so.

"A spokeswoman for U.S. President-elect Barack Obama, Brooke Anderson, issued a statement saying the coordinated attacks on innocent lives demonstrate the grave and urgent threat of terrorism. She also said the U.S. must continue to strengthen partnerships with India and other nations to root out and destroy terrorist networks."

I agree Brooke. And I think your boss had it right all along. He understands that Islamic terrorist have long ago planted their seeds in places like India , Indonesia, and Pakistan, and that the roots are now taking shape. From all the news reports these attackers were young and fanatical, and they had to know that this was a high risk mission that would more than likely cause them to lose their lives. So once again we are faced with committed terrorist who will do anything in their powers to terrorize the Western world. Because let's make no mistake; this attack happened in India, but it was aimed at the West and Western culture.

"They were talking about British and Americans specifically. There was an Italian guy, who, you know, they said: 'Where are you from?" and he said he's from Italy and they said 'fine' and they left him alone. And I thought: 'Fine, they're going to shoot me if they ask me anything — and thank God they didn't,..."

A group calling themselves the Deccan Mujihideen is taking credit for the attacks, and they obviously put a lot of work into their heinous act of terror. Now, here in A-merry-ca, we are left scratching our heads and wondering once again. Wondering why on the eve of the day that we like to give thanks, angry militants half way around the world don't seem to be quite as thankful as we are.
*Thanks T. Roberts

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The revenge of the "House Negroes".

And now the following from that esteemed author, Andrae Crouch....oh wait that's the singer. I meant Stanley Crouch:

"Secretary of State James Baker once said that the free advice from a man who offered his

opinions often was worth what the secretary had paid for it.

This is how blacks in
America need to take Ayman al-Zawahiri's recent tape praising Malcolm X and condemning Barack Obama.

As Osama Bin Laden's top deputy, Zawahiri knows a mark when he sees one and believes black Americans to be a collective chump gullible enough to be swayed by arguments against Obama that try to smack him with the dead horse of black nationalism.
The threatening video issued last week was intended to whip up support for what is known as radical Islam by using a martyr to a lost cause, Malcolm X.

Malcolm X was one of the naysayers to American possibility whose vision was permanently crushed beneath the heel of Obama's victory on Nov. 4. Though his ideas had nothing to do with the ultimate form of nonviolence - voting - those desperate to praise him will pretend now that he was actually a civil rights leader! This has been going on for an unforgivably long time, especially among black academics.

Malcolm X had nothing to do with Obama's accomplishment as did none of the other militants who preached their own version of separatism and gleefully attacked the civil rights movement as offering no more than pie in the sky and misleading black people.

So Malcolm X was no more than a charismatic heckler of the civil rights movement and a man whose career was soaked in racism, potted history and absurd ideas of one sort or another. He was a good rabble-rouser and he was a good saber rattler. On Feb. 21, 1965, he was murdered in public as one of the victims of the tribal wars that distinguished radical black nationalist cults and purported "revolutionary" leadership like the Black Panthers.

If not for Spike Lee's film about him, Malcolm X would have been forgotten. His legacy did not add up to inspiring one important piece of legislation, leading one important march or actually getting anything done that had objective significance...."

I knew this article was going to be fucked up when the brother started off by quoting James Baker.

Okay Stanley (May I call you Stanley? You seemed to be one of those new Negroes who want to be addressed properly. Dr. Crouch, Mr. Crouch....) here is the deal: I agree with the first part of your hypothesis, that Al Qaida's number two totally misread the African American psyche. To believe that African Americans would fall for a collective okey doke, and call out a president that finally looked like the rest of us was just plain foolish. It was a sign that the man has been clearly living in a cave over these past years for sure.

But Stanley, you haven't been living in cave (Well, you do live in New York.... never mind) so you should know better. Your conclusion about Malcolm X and the civil rights struggle is totally without merit. Yes he was a "good rabble-rouser" and guess what, at the time, that is exactly what the civil rights movement needed, a rabble-rouser. Revisionist history is always nice, but you need to understand that none of those leaders and folks who stepped out to the forefront of the civil rights movement did it in a vacuum. They all played a role in bringing about needed change in the white establishment. An establishment that was not going to relinquish power to your black ass no matter how many marches and sit ins you had. Everyone from H. Rap Brown; to John Lewis; to Rosa Parks; to the Panthers; to Cheney, Schwerner, Goodman, and the little girls who lost their lives in Birmingham (when those animals bombed their church), to.... yes Stanley, even Malcolm, contributed. His O ness can walk on all of their shoulders. The irony is, that unlike you, I bet he would tell us that. He, unlike you, seems to know his place in history and how he got there.

How soon we forget. So now, thanks to Stanley, we know that A-merry-ca was the shining beacon on a hill all along. And it was just a matter of time before we all came around to our senses and realized that we are all equals in the greatest country on god's green earth. Poor Stanley.

For you to write that Malcolm X had nothing to do with creating the environment to allow Obama to accomplish what he has, only proves how prescient and how much foresight Malcolm X really had. After all, didn't he talk about Negroes like you in one of his speeches?

Hat tip to Tariq Nelson over at the Afrospear for hipping me to this story.

Monday, November 24, 2008

"Profile in courage"?

Poor Randy Gray, seems he is a little disappointed with his country for electing Barack Husein Obama to be its 44th president. Randy is a self-avowed member of the Klu Klux Klan and he is a very important man in Midland, Michigan. Yes, it seems that old Randy is a precinct delegate for the Republican party in his state. (Why is it that these self declared racist are always republicans? Can one of my African American republican friends help me with this please?)

So anyway, Randy held a one man protest for about 15-20 minutes at a busy intersection in his hometown to protest the election of the "socialist, Islamic negro" (the Klan's words, not mine) while dressed in his Klan robe. I am sure Randy thinks that his little act was a profile in courage. But sorry Randy, I didn't exactly have Tiananmen Square flashbacks while reading about your little episode.

Still, I feel your pain there buddy. And guess what, the field has no problem with you exercising your First Amendment right which was guaranteed to you by our fine Constitution. I am glad that you came out of the KKKloset. People need to know who you are. I just wish that more folks like you would do the same thing. I suspect that in places like Michigan, where the economy is sinking like the Titanic, there are more and more folks signing up for your organization every day. Jobs are scarce, and those Jews own all the businesses; they only recruit the blacks and Mexicans to do all the jobs, so what's a poor white guy to do?

“I feel white people feel more oppressed,”... We’re basically told as white people we can’t have any organizations. We’re ruled by communists...“It’s not just about Barack Obama. It goes deeper than that.”

Well Randy, let's hope that changes. Let's hope that you are free to organize and advocate for your own cause. (Without physically hurting anyone else of course) This is the A-merry-can way. Although it seems that not everyone agrees with you:

“If, in fact, he’s associated with the KKK, [then] yes, it troubles me.”

That was the GOP Chairwoman, Diane Bristol.

Spoken like a true "Nigger lover".

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Is Jack becoming an Obamaholic?

I just caught the new "24" movie, Redemption (I had to do something to get my mind off of that dreadful performance by me Eagles today), and I thought it was interesting on quite a few levels.

First, this is not your Daddy's Jack Bauer. No, this Jack actually has a heart. He cares for little African children in a war torn country, and he does his usual ass kicking and sucks up a little torture to save their lives.

I suspect that my right wing friends who loved Jack to no ends when he was kicking terrorists ass and asking questions later, will not love this Jack too much. Oh well, too bad. Even Hollywood has noticed that we have moved into the age of Obama. A-merry-ca is tired of the ass kicking Cowboy from Texas, and his shoot from the hip, go with his gut, style. A-merry-ca wants the thinker now. They want the man with a heart, and the man who can solve the problems that the Texan got us into. This new Jack has been made for the age of Obama. I guess he won't be the right wing's biggest fictional hero anymore.

I must admit though, that after two hours of this new Jack, I was ready for more. I loved how the fictitious President, Noah Daniels, kept it real with the incoming President, and broke it down for her. That part I could believe. What I couldn't believe was that a republican president (albeit a female one) cared about a civil war in some god forsaken African country where A-merry-ca has no financial interest. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if the frat boy broke it down for the O ness like that when they met face to face. I wonder just how much those two former Ivy leaguers bonded with each other, and how much the frat boy really revealed? And I am thinking that if he did share some things with his O ness, the O man would probably be wise to do the opposite. Just a thought.

So the "24" series starts on January 11th, and based on the movie and the prequel, I think I might follow it a little bit. I didn't like the old Jack who seemed to be nothing more than a neo con with a nine. But this Jack; the man who runs around the bushes of Africa saving little African children, I like.

See what an Obama presidency can do? It can even make you a Jack Bauer fan.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

"Back To The Future".

I know it's early--- hell the poor guy hasn't even been sworn in yet--but it sure looks like the O man is thinking like a certain Bubba from "Pig Suey" country.

Rham Emanuel, Daniel Tarullo,Jack Lew,Lawrence Summers,Peter get the picture.

And before you Obamaholics get yourselves into a tizzy, relax, this is not a bash O man post. I am just hoping that there will be some "change that we can believe in" coming really soon. Oh, and I didn't mention the biggest connection to Bubba of all; his lovely wife. Yes, if you believe Andrea Mitchell, who broke the story ("Broke" the story, that's a joke. Like she doesn't have a direct line to Hillary's people. They leaked that story to her plain and simple so that his O ness would have no choice but to give Hillary Condi's old job) Hillary will be our new Secretary of State. It is a shrewed pick on Obama's part (what better way to keep an eye on your most powerful opponent than to put her in your cabinet?), but it has its dangers as well. The State Department is not like any of the other departments under the President's control. The folks that run that bad boy can actually build a real power base of their own. Still, he could have done a lot worse than Hillary. She is smart and competent and she should be just fine representing Omerica to the rest of the world. Just watch for those snipers in Bosnia Hillary. (Field you just couldn't resist could you?)

His O ness sure seems to be going with this experience thing and with folks who know Washington. If all the leaks coming out are to be believed; we will have Tom Daschle, Eric Holder, Hillary Clinton, and Janet Napolitano all going to Washington with his O ness. Daschle has been in Washington since all those cherry blossom trees were just seeds, and his wife is a big time lobbyist. But I am letting that slide too because I actually like the guy, and like Hillary, I think he will do a fine job.

Hey, if everyone his O ness picks does a good job we all win. But if not, you will have folks like moi screaming that it didn't work because he didn't follow his change mantra, and put new fresh faces in Washington like he promised. I swear I studied at the feet of Antisthenes.

As far as the color and gender meter goes... well, so far the frat boy was better. So far. (Obama, I take it, is just getting started) The frat boy gave us Jackson, Powell, Gutierrez, and Rice to satisfy the color code. And he gave us folks like Mary Peters, Elaine Cho, and Dana Perino to satisfy the gender police. (Hell he gave us a two-fer with Condi) Problem with the frat boy's team is that they were loyal to him, and they seemed afraid to question his out of control neocon policies. As a result, he made inclusiveness seem like a bad thing. They were just window dressing to try and help cover up what was a fucked up administration. The good thing is, he made A-merry-ca realize that picking the good old boyz just because you were comfortable with them was wrong too, and it could have had some seriously fucked up consequences. Oh wait... "Brownie you're doing one heck of a job".

His O ness wants experience, and if you hear his people tell it, they want the best and the brightest. And if the best and the brightest satisfy the race and the color police, so be it. If not, hey, at least the trains will run on time. Now that's all good. But what if they don't satisfy the race and gender police and the trains don't run on time? What then?

So far his O ness seems like he is off to a good start. Word is that he will be be picking Timothy Geithner to run Treasury; and when news of the pick leaked out the Dow shot up over 500 points by the close of trading on Friday. That's all good and well, but isn't picking Geithner-- a Wall Street insider--- kind of like picking a fox to watch the hen house? That's not change is it O man? I am just saying.

Anyway, I am going to leave his O ness for now and let him make the rest of his picks. This is just field being field. Me opening up my big mouth before this cabinet even fully takes shape.
But just remember O man, the race and gender police will be watching. Eric Holder, Bill Richardson, Hillary Clinton, and......

Oh, before I forget: O man please consider Lisa Jackson for the EPA head. I know she is on your transition team, but she wants more. She is a chemical engineer, and she has a Master's Degree from Princeton. (In the spirit of true disclosure Mrs. Field has a rooting interest in that pick.) She is already the Environmental Protection Commissioner over in New Jersey, and it doesn't get anymore challenging than trying to clean up the environment over there. She would be an example of some change that we could believe in. Besides, you would get a twofer like the frat boy did with Condi. And I honestly think that she would do a better job.
So good luck with the rest of the team O man. I hope you pick the best people for the job. And I hope that all of those people look like the rest of Omerica.

Friday, November 21, 2008

"Grumpy" Friday.

It's cold here on the East Cost y'all, and I just pulled into le negre maison.

Anywho, I am not in a good mood. It's damn near ten o'clock and I spent most of my time in my car today since getting off the plantation.

Tonight I found myself idling behind this car with a bumper sticker that said "my child is a straight A student" at Woodlawn Elementary School or some shit like that, and I couldn't help but think the entire time just how much I hate that kind of crap. (People bragging about their "crumb snatchers" on a freaking bumper sticker)

So tonight, while sitting at my computer, I was thinking about some of the other shit that pisses me off; and I figured I would share. What the hell, I am not in a good mood, so I might as well take you there with me. I have my annual check up tomorrow, so that might have something to do with my anger and my angst.

So here are a few things that are pissing me the fuck off right about now. Of course this list could change tomorrow after a good night's sleep.

1. People who think they are smarter than everyone else. Like the clown who commented below one of my posts over at "Daily Voice." Dude am I really supposed to be impressed with your canned knowledge of world affairs? Here is the thing: I know I am not very smart, and I just like to talk a lot of shit. But my sister is a Fulbright Scholar, and I don't remember ever losing an argument to her.

2. Black people who can't talk but have talk shows piss me off. ( Armstrong and Tavis are you reading this?)

3. Knowing that Michael (Tristan Wilds) from the "Wire" is on the new "90210" pisses me off.

4. Cities with no character piss me off. (Atlanta and Charlotte comes to mind)

5. Driving in Jersey pisses me off.

6. Old ass men who dress like they are sixteen piss me off.

7. And since we are talking about dress; yes, short sleeve dress shirts still piss me the fuck off.

8. Duke Basketball, and Penn State Football piss me off. (I am still trying to figure out why. Maybe it's the fact that they both cheat, yet everyone in the country thinks they run their programs the right way)

9. Closed minded people who base their opinions on groups of people, simply based on their interaction with just a few people in said group, piss me off.

10. And finally, Doctor's appointments piss me, I take that back, they scare me.

Hey that was a short list. Maybe I am not in such a bad mood after all.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

In defense of "FIVE".

Guy talk alert!

I rarely talk about sports on this blog, because I usually like to limit my rants to social issues and politics. Not that I don't get passionate about sports. It's just that unlike politics and world affairs, it's not exactly life or death we are talking about. Unless, of course, you happen to live in Philly.

Lately in our fair city and damn near everywhere else sports is talked about in A-merry-ca, the topic of the discussion has been the quarterback of our football team. (Or as we affectionately call him: "Five".) Now it seems that "Five" has gone and put his foot in his mouth He declared, after a pathetic tie with the Cincinnati BUNG-LES, that he did not think that there could be a tie in the NFL. A not too bright statement to be sure, but not the end of the free world as we know it. Honestly, "Five" not knowing whether or not there were ties in the NFL wasn't going to affect the outcome of the game. Not with our genius of a coach calling the plays. (HEY ANDY, HERE IS A NEWSFLASH FOR YA: IF YOU CAN'T CONVERT A 4TH AND 1 TO BEAT THE STINKING BUN-GLES, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE COACHING IN THIS LEAGUE). Whew. See why I don't like to talk sports?) The truth of the matter is that the Eagles just aren't that good this year. But this post isn't even about what kind of team the Eagles are at this point in the season. No, it's about the backlash and the heat that "Five" has been taking in this city and elsewhere because of his misstatement. (Tiki Barber needs to shut the fuck up, because the last time I checked, the G Men didn't win a ring until his black ass left) John Smallwood, one of the biggest sports writers here, called it "one of the most embarrassing gaffes in recent sports history" Huh? Mr. Smallwood, just what the hell have you been smoking? How is it a sports gaffe when it didn't affect the outcome of the stinking game? For gaffes see Chris Weber's time out when they had none left which cost Michigan an NCAA championship game to North Carolina. See Brett Favre's interception in last year's NFC Championship game to end it. See Bill Buckner's infamous error in 1986 which cost Red Sox Nation a World Series. Those are sports gaffes Mr. Smallwood, not knowing how the overtime rule works in the NFL.

The devil must be wearing ear muffs and gloves today, because I actualy agree with Jason Whitlock's take on this story. Donovan has been a class act on and off the field, and is the best quarterback this city has ever had (and I loved me some Randall), so why kill the guy for this foot in mouth moment? Is he a little soft and somewhat of a mama's boy? Yes. Does he choke at times in the clutch? Yes. Do I wish he would use his legs and create match up problems for defenses like he used to? Yes. But having said all of that, he is still a pretty damn good quarterback, and this city, in spite of the buffoons on sports talk radio (more on them in a minute) should be glad to have him. The truth is, that "Five" has a better winning percentage, more playoff wins, and more playoff appearances than both Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer, all while playing with the dregs that the Eagles provided him with (except for the one glorious year when we had T.O.)throughout the years.

Now these idiots on sports talk here in our city are all over the guy. Forget the fact that he is not the only player in the NFL who has this little rule problem. Yeah yeah yeah, I know he is the quarterback, and he should know better. But I bet McNabb has forgotten more football than these dopes ever knew. All these clowns do is get up every morning and talk shit about our athletes 24/7, while their fat asses sit behind a microphone and pretend to be Joe Sixpacks, before they cash their own big fat checks. I swear they get on my fucking nerves. They remind me of the kid back in college and high school who couldn't get on the field, and who would always have some negative shit to say after a bad loss. Like they could do any better. What a hustle. Only in A-merry-ca.

But field the guy makes millions of dollars shouldn't he at least know the rules of a game that he is paid handsomely to play? Well, I am a lawyer, and until a few years ago if you had said "nunc pro tunc" to me I would have thought you were talking about a city in China. That is, until I had to file a motion with that very title. This is when I had to learn about it really fast.

I bet half of these so called "journalist" can't even pronounce words like aplomb or vestige, yet they rip a guy for not knowing the rules of a game he plays. I really need a break from these phonies.

Now don't get it twisted, I will be all over "Five" the next time he throws an interception, or chokes during the two minute drill. But I am not going to sit here and act like it's the end of the world because he doesn't know the fucking overtime rule in the NFL. Sorry, it's just not that deep.

"TD or no TD-that is the question: Whether tis nobler in my mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outraged Philadelphians Or to take leave from this sea of trouble..."

Ha ha ha, everybody got jokes. I tell you what won't be funny; having to go 1-15 with the next quarterback who comes in here to guide Andy's sinking ship.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Ayman, he is not a "house Negro".

Seems like the folks over at al-Qaeda News have been broadcasting messages again. This time they have set their sights on the O man, our President elect.

"You were born to a Muslim father, but you chose to stand in the ranks of the enemies of the Muslims, and pray the prayer of the Jews, although you claim to be Christian, in order to climb the rungs of leadership in America, Mr Obama was not an "honourable black American" like Malcolm X, he said, but an "abeed al-beit" (house Negro)

Now I don't speak Arabic, so I am going to have to take the word of the folks who do. It seems that they translated Ayman's message and Ayman wasn't too nice to the O man. Apparently al Qaeda's number two is pissed off at the O man, and he used some of the lines from what I consider one of the greatest speeches in A-merry-ca's history to drive home his point. Yep, Ayman compared his O ness to a "house slave"who has chosen to align himself with the "enemies" of Islam. (Dem there is fightin words, his O ness is going to find your asses for sure now. It was cool when Ralph Nader said it, because everyone knows that he is a few tires short of a Chevrolet; but now you guys put that shit out there, and it's on) The al Qaeda folks were even looping brother Malcolm's speech while conducting their broadcast to A-merry-ca. Talk about cojones.

Here is the thing Ayman: you can't just go throwing out the house Negro field Negro references out there. That is my job, and I take that shit seriously. (BTW, thanks for all the web traffic, now that you have every white person in A-merry-ca googling house Negro) I study this thing. You have to know your subjects and what brought them to house Negro or field Negro status. The O man is not a house Negro. In fact, the closest he has ever been was to the patio. Yes he will be living in the (really big) house, but he is not a house slave; he runs that shit. He answers to no one. He is massa. To call him a house Negro would be missing the entire point of just who a house Negro is, and what he represents. And another thing: we field Negroes helped to elect him and put him in the house, so we have no problem with him being there. In fact, we wanted him there. So when you call him a house Negro you are calling all the Negroes who put him there house Negroes as well. That is not cool. If you are trying to get black folks and Muslims in A-merry-ca to sympathize with your cause, this ain't the way to do it, you are only alienating some of the folks here. Have you ever heard the word Obamaholic?

Now, I know things are tough for al Qaeda these days, and they are getting desperate with their efforts to recruit. But attacking A-merry-ca's first black Prez, and a man that is revered throughout the African diaspora is not the way to go about it. Ayman al Zawahiri should stick to attacking George Bush. Now I am wondering if that Cave Negro, Osama, is still alive. If he is he needs to put a check on old Ayman, and fast.

And Ayman, the best advice I can give you is this: you and all the rest of the Cave Negroes need to just chill. Because his O ness is in the house now, and he ain't afraid to use massa's toys.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Those pesky Pirates.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest,Yo! ho! ho and a bottle of rum. Drink and the devil had done for the rest,Yo! ho! ho and a bottle of rum. Drink and the devil had done for the rest,Yo! ho! ho and a bottle of rum.Yo! ho! ho and a bottle of rum. Hate lies close to love of gold. Dead men's secrets are tardily told. Yo! ho! ho and a bottle of rum.Yo! ho! ho and a bottle of rum."

The Somali Pirates is not a new African baseball team. No, the Somali Pirates are a bunch of crazy Negroes who have been terrifying shipping traffic off of the coast of Eastern Africa. I have been watching this phenomenon for awhile now, but I just never felt moved to comment on it. That is, until, today. Seems the Somali Pirates done went and jacked a Saudi super tanker with about 100 million dollars worth of oil, and the Royal Family ain't too pleased about it. "Prince Saud Al-Faisal said: “Piracy, like terrorism, is a disease which is against everybody, and everybody must address it together. ...This outrageous act by the pirates, I think, will only reinforce the resolve of the countries of the Red Sea and internationally to fight piracy,” Well yeah; Prince, they are pirates...and I think everyone would agree that they are a problem. But I am not sure about the everybody "together" part. Remember how we dealt with our last Pirate problem in this country? We hung old Captain Nathaniel Gordon in the Tombs of New York for trying to smuggle 962 slaves ( a third of who died) into the country during the height of the Civil War. So we don't play with Pirates in this country. Fortunately, we don't have those types of things happening off the coast of Florida or California; at least not yet.

And I can't say that I blame the Prince for being upset. One hundred million is nothing to sneeze at, even for the Saudis. But who told these Negroes that they can play Black Beard in 2008? And don't these countries have Naval fleets to protect their commercial ships? al Qaeda could learn a thing or two from these Negroes. They are serious about the booty, and I don't mean the ones on BET.

Thing is, I am pretty sure there is no ideological commitment driving these clowns. I am pretty sure that it's just about the money. And from what I can see and read, the Pirate business has been good. A Hong Kong cargo ship was recently hijacked as well. No oil this time though, just wheat. I wonder if they would take the wheat to feed some of the poor hungry people in that region of the world? There would be some nobility in that at least, but somehow I don't think that they are playing Robin Hood with the take. I am pretty sure that these Pirates are acting like.....well Pirates.

These Negroes of the sea are so slick that they have even an Admiral in the U.S. Navy stunned and impressed by their reach and pirating skills. I have to believe that the governments of some of these countries such as Denmark, and China are embarrassed by their inability to control these lawless seafarers. Hell they damn near brought the Russians to their knees recently, when they "jacked" a shipment of military supplies heading to Kenya. (Actually they might have helped the international community with that one. You just can't trust those damn Russians)

So here we have yet still another pesky problem in the world that poor Obama will have to deal with. I bet the first time that he orders the U.S. Navy to bomb those ship robbing Negroes into oblivion there will be an international outcry. "Those were just a bunch of poor men in a motor boats. Why did President Obama have to blow up their tiny boat and kill everyone of those Pirates on board? Ya gotta love it.

Honestly, if someone told me that I would be blogging about Pirates attacking supertankers in 2008, and that a black president might be called on to address the problem, I would have told them to lay off my country's national plant. But here we are; and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight for these black beard wanna be Negroes. They have found their treasure chests in the cargo ships of all these fine nations.

"...He’s really good at flicking snot, He can flick to outer-space But he ain’t got the hang of the changing winds And he gets it back in the face.

Yes, he’s not the sort you’d bring back home To meet your Mum and Dad They’d be walking the plank in seconds He’s a proper pirate lad."

Jack Sparrow, eat your heart out.

Monday, November 17, 2008

The Tiger Woods President?

I found the following article from Duke University professor (damn I hate to give a Dukie props), Orin Starn, interesting. He draws a unique parallel between O-merica's two race neutral icons, and lays out what he thinks are the possible pitfalls of our ardent fascination with both men.

"It's not that far-fetched to argue that Tiger Woods' popularity helped pave the way for Barack Obama's smashing victory. That legions of golfing white businessmen already idolized Woods may well have made it less of a stretch for them and others to imagine a black man as the country's president.

For that matter, Woods, much like Obama, presents himself as something of a "post-racial" figure, crossing old color lines by virtue of his mixed ancestry.

But whether or not Woods helped some vote for Obama, the superstar golfer's effect on his sport offers a cautionary lesson about the effect of an Obama presidency: There's no necessary correlation between the feel-good symbolism of a racial breakthrough and actual, on-the-ground progress toward a race-blind America.

Many observers predicted that Woods' example would revolutionize the sociology of golf. They thought many more minority kids would be encouraged to take up the old Scottish pastime, and that the sport would shed its ugly racial past once and for all. (The Professional Golfers' Association Tour had a Caucasians-only clause until 1961.) The golf establishment promotes its youth-golf programs with "Kumbaya"-style TV ads showing smiling inner-city kids, as if the game had indeed put the messy matters of race and money in the rearview mirror. Actually, though, golf has gone into racial reverse by many measures. Back in the 1970s, 10 African Americans played on the PGA Tour. A poor Chicano kid from Dallas, Lee Trevino, became one of the era's top golfers.

Today, Woods is the lone black golfer among the 125 card-holding pros, and there are no black rising stars. Two U.S.-born Latinos now play on the PGA Tour, as do an increased international contingent and some exciting new Asian American stars. But the circuit remains overwhelmingly composed of whites from country-club backgrounds.

You don't even see black or Latino caddies anymore, now that carrying the golf bags of someone like Woods or Phil Mickelson has become a lucrative enterprise.

The reasons for the whitening of professional golf are complex. For example, in the age of the golf cart, golfers no longer use caddies, except for the touring pros. This has shut a traditional back door into the game for poor and minority kids. And to train a golf champion takes big money that many black and Latino families do not have.

So does the Tiger Woods paradox really tell us anything about an Obama presidency? I think so. If the visibility of Woods promotes the illusion of race as "fixed" in golf, the very same danger exists with Obama and the country as a whole. His election encourages a fuzzy, self-congratulatory feeling that we've exorcised the demons of slavery and Jim Crow at last. It can be easy to forget the outsize hardships facing so many black and Latino kids growing up in tough neighborhoods, and just how often poverty, marginalization and brown skin still travel together in America today.

And we don't yet have a government that looks exactly like America either. Just as Woods is now the only African American on the PGA Tour, so Obama was the only one in the U.S. Senate.

The important question is whether an Obama administration will make strides toward addressing the old demons of poverty and racial inequality that still haunt 21st-century America. His election was a good opening drive. But we still have a long iron over water ahead."

Yes, and there is a sand trap all around the putting green. But to stay with the golfing analogy; that article was a hole in one.

Article here.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


Early this past Saturday morning (I mean early. It had to be around 7:00AM) I was at a tennis club in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania. I was playing some doubles with three other guys who I play with on a regular basis, and there were two middle aged gentlemen playing on the court right next to us. They seemed to be going at it pretty hard, but I didn't really pay much attention to them because I was too caught up in the my own game.

Now I am a 4.0 player (you tennis "buffs" will know what that means) and the guys I was playing with were 4.0 players and above, as well. So we were getting into it pretty good, and going at each other, when one of the gentlemen I mentioned stepped over to our court and said the following: "Fellows I know this isn't exactly a library, but could you guys keep it down just a little bit in between points, we are trying really hard to concentrate over here." Yep, those were his exact words. Keep in mind, we were playing tennis, not chess. So at this point we are all pretty much stunned, and we kept looking at each other for answers, trying to figure out if the guy was serious. He was. He kept looking at us and was obviously waiting for an acknowledgement that we would in fact tone it down as he requested.

Well, being the big mouth that I am, I told him in no uncertain terms that he had to be fucking kidding, and that we weren't in a library, so his best bet was to just enjoy his game and leave us the fuck alone. Or something to that effect. He stared at me for a second or two, started to say something, but he seemed to think better of it and went back to his game.

One of the guys I was playing with blamed the incident on Obama. "Get used to it guys, now that Obama is president they are going to be mad at us." No, the guy was just an asshole," I told him. "That guy would have told little green men from Mars to keep the noise down." Nope, that was not an Obama backlash; but this is , and so was this, and this.... I could go on, but you get the point. Now I ask you; is this "change we can believe in"?

Folks, all over Omerica there are more and more stories of this kind of "racial backlash" because his O ness is now the commander in chief. But we knew this would happen, didn't we? Not everyone in these divided states is happy about "change" and they are not shy about letting us know about it.

But here is the deal: we shouldn't get too hung up on this crap. Times are hard, people are losing their jobs and their homes in record numbers. These are tough times here in Omerica, and these are the times when people's true racial attitudes and their ignorance will start to show. This is when everyone is fighting for the scraps off the table, and like a pack of dogs they will go after each other for the very last piece. And if they don't get it, the racial scapegoating will begin. This is what we are seeing now.

So since it doesn't look like things are going to get any better anytime soon, I hope we don't over react to every little incident, and I hope that we don't let hearing about incidents like the ones I provided in the various links throw us off of our game.

S0 just what is our game? Well, it's doing everything in our powers to make sure that our boy succeeds. If it means doing more volunteer work, being better role models, and taking more personal responsibility, then so be it. Which, by the way, are all things we should be doing and should have been doing before his O ness became president elect in the first place. But still, we just have to be better citizens. (Ahh field, come on, you swore at the guy, what kind of role model and good citizen were you being?) Yes, I know, and this is why I went and apologized to the guy right after our game......okay, I am lying, he left before our game was over, but thanks to the dawning of the age of O-quarius, I at least thought about apologizing. Still, I have got to keep a cooler head like my boy Obama. What would Obama do? That should be my new motto. Hell, we all should be thinking wwod. The O man would have told the guy something like: Hey man we are sorry, I will see if I can get everyone to take it down just a notch for you. I am sure you are having a tough time concentrating with our over exuberance on display here the way it is.... you gotta love how smooth the guy is. Hell, I bet if he had just a couple of minutes with old Ken Germana he would have had the old coot pulling down his sign, quicker than you can say, change. Ya know, that ole boy Obama ain't so bad after all. He ain't like them other ones. I can salute him as my commander in chief.

Unfortunately, there is only one Obama, so the rest of us citizens out here are going to have to just deal with all of the bullshit on our own. But still, at the end of the day, we will be alright, cooler heads will prevail, they always do. Unless, of course, I happen to be in the group.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Relax folks, it's just an "off color" remark.

Some folks talked about this next subject in the comments section of my previous post, and I feel compelled to say a few words about it myself. I am talking about Lindsay Lohan's colored moment.
Now let me get this out of the way right now: I am not one to get hung up on names, labels, or what other folks want to call black people. I know that we have gone from colored, to Negro, to Black, and now to African American. And that this is supposed to be some kind of measuring stick of our progress; the fact that folks don't call us colored anymore, but refer to us as African Americans. So if you are in the majority population, and you know all the rules of political correctness, you always refer to us Negro folks as African Americans. This, of course, is only necessary if you are in polite company or hanging with a bunch of people that you don't know. When you are with your friends and people you trust, there is no telling what you might want to call us. I am guessing "colored" would be tame in comparison to some of the other names.

Older white people struggle with this. Bless their hearts. And I can't say that I blame them. I had an older white person tell me a story once and sprinkled in the words "colored fellow" liberally throughout the entire anecdote. But it was cool, I wasn't even offended. I think that was during the time that we were supposed to be black, so the old guy was about two cycles behind the proper and politically correct name for that time period.

But this Lindsay Lohan thing is interesting, because she is younger, and you would expect that she would know better. Besides, let's keep it real here folks, Lindsay gets around. So the girl is no house mouse whose world ends at the Hollywood Hills. Hell she is a confessed Obamaholic for crying out loud. So how did she make that little verbal Faux pas? Was it a Freudian slip? Was she on some sexy new Hollywood drug that made her think that she was living in the fifties? Who knows. It's just kind of creepy hearing someone so young use the word "colored" in public, that's all. Hey, maybe that's the new word for black or African Americans out in Cali these days. Maybe us folks in the rest of the country are just not up on the latest Left Coast fads. We are, after all, talking about Cali here. Besides, FOX says it's a "derogatory" term, which right away makes me suspicious. If they are calling it "derogatory" maybe it's not so bad after all.

An what about the accuracy of her statement? Has anyone ever stopped to consider that? I mean the O man isn't black or white is he? Couldn't he then be considered "colored"? In this new "post racial" A-merry-ca maybe "colored" is the new black. I am just saying.

“It was really exciting,”... It’s an amazing feeling. It’s our first, you know, colored president. I am so thrilled to be a part of the country while that’s going on and that actually came into fruition.”

I am thrilled too Lindsay. Just think, we almost had John McCain, and he is white....wait, isn't white a color too? Hmmm, then I guess he would have been a "colored" president as well. Now that I think about it; all the previous presidents were white, so they were all "colored".

Damn it Lindsay, you did use a poor choice of words. You should have said: it's our first, you know, multi colored president. That would have been more accurate, and I don't think you would have offended quite as many people.

Some of us "colored" folks (the black ones) tend to be pretty sensitive at times. But can you blame us? You would be sensitive too if your name kept changing every few years.

Friday, November 14, 2008

I refuse to go there.

Some people often call me messy, and they say that I like to start "stuff" on my blog from time to time. I have been called a "flame thrower", and an "irresponsible blow hard" among other things. But tonight I am fighting back. Tonight I am going to be responsible and take the high road and not give in to Internet rumors, lies, and innuendos.

Take this story of Cindy McCain's affair for instance. If I was as messy and as irresponsible as some folks say that I am, I would have been blogging about it. But I am here to tell you that there is not a single piece of evidence to confirm that this story is in fact true, so I am going to leave it alone. Just because those folks over the National Enquirer are reporting it, that doesn't make it true. I know they broke the John Edwards story, but they got lucky with that one. Those communist over at the "Huffington Post" should be ashamed of themselves for republishing it.

I have to agree with the responsible bloggers like these folks, and say that this was just an Internet blogger driven story, and that there is no truth to it whatsoever..... Ahhh field, you are such an asshole, if this was an Internet story about Michelle Obama would you have even mentioned it on your blog? Wow! What a tough question? That question is causing me to do some serious soul searching. You know what, I probably wouldn't have even mentioned this story if it was about Michelle Obama. I should be fair and honorable, and not give in to my depraved salacious instincts.

Okay, that's it, I am sorry I even mentioned this story on my blog, and I am not going to give this story any play and go there. I should know better, this is just wrong. In fact, I feel so bad about this that I won't mention it here ever again.

Unless....ahh never mind, I won't mention it again, period!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dog days.


The worst mistake Barack Hussein Obama made this past election season, was not when he made that comment about "guns and god" when referring to small town folks. It was not picking Joe Biden instead of Hillary as his running mate. And it wasn't failing to keep the good Reverend in the closet until after the elections. No, the biggest mistake his O ness made was promising those cute little daughters of his that they would get a puppy if he won.

Now, as to be expected, A-merry-cans are losing their natural minds over the prospect of this new pet in the White House. (Wasn't eight years of that little man biter, "Barney", enough for you people?) I told you all that white folks love their pets. Do you need any further proof than this? I swear, you white folks are more excited about the prospect of having a cuddly little pup in the people's house, more than you are of having that family from the South side of Chicago. Now the big question facing Obama isn't what he will do in the Middle East or Iraq; or even how he will try to solve this credit mess that we are in. No, the big question is what kind of pup he will pick for those precious little girls. Poor Michelle. I know she didn't have this dilemma growing up, because her parents were...well, both black. Obama, on the other hand,.....well, he can relate a little bit, at least half of him can....

Now the suggestions are coming fast and furious. It seems that picking a first pup will be a major decision for the new president, and A-merry-cans, bless their pet loving hearts, are waiting with bated breaths. Meanwhile, somewhere in A-merry-ca, a lab owner is furiously writing letters to his editor in hopes of influencing the process.

“We have two criteria that have to be reconciled. One, is that Malia is allergic so it has to be hypoallergenic. There are a number of breeds that are hypoallergenic,” he said. “On the other hand, our preference would be to get a shelter dog, but obviously a lot of shelter dogs are mutts — like me. So whether we’re going to be able to balance these two things I think is a pressing issue in the Obama household.”

Oh ohhh, so now we know that just not any little pup can become the first pet. Seems there are some "criteria". See, I knew you were no good O man, the republicans might have been right about you all along. How dare you practice partisanship and discrimination when it comes to picking the little guy? Well you might want to listen to some suggestions before you start setting up these parameters: No Poodles, you could be seen as elitist. No Rottweilers, too mean. (Although I think you might need a good guard dog) No Pit Bulls, we are trying to forget about Michael Vick and that "dark" chapter in our nation's dog loving history. And now, even the American Kennel Club is helping out; seems they have some suggestions too. Just what the hell is a "Bichon Frise"? And just so none of the breeds would be offended, they gave the Obamas a list to choose from. It's a short and distinguished list, all the"Bichon Frises" should be proud. Hell even the government of Peru has stepped in. They actually have a hairless dog over there, [*see pic above] which given Malia's allergies, they think would be perfect for the kids. You gotta love those Peruvians.

Me being the good citizen that I am, and wanting to do my civic duty; I was thinking of some pets the Obamas could bring to the White House as well. I thought, for instance, about a beautiful exotic African parrot. But then I realized that the first time the poor bird said: "Polly wants a cracker" in public, A-merry-cans would lose their red white and blue loving minds. See there? "Cracker"; the bird is only repeating what it hears those racist saying in private.....ahh let me stop I don't want to be too dogmatic about the whole thing.

But seriously, does it have to be a dog? Would Sasha and Malia settle for a nice goldfish, or a cute little fuzzy rabbit? The first rabbit has a nice ring to it. Still, if it has to be a dog, I have a suggestion for you O man; just make sure it comes from the animal shelter. It would send a huge message to every A-merry-can out there, that even a dog who came from a shelter can end up being the first pet some day. Think of the inspiration the little pooch will be to other animals in shelters all across the country? I get teary eyed just thinking about it.

If the dogs could bark "yes we can", they would.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The other war.

I have held off talking about this subject long enough. But now that the elections in these divided states are finally over, I just can't anymore.

Way over on the other side of the world, in a country on a continent many of us don't like to think about, there is a serious civil war going on. No, I am not talking about Iraq, this war is much worse than that. I am talking about the civil war taking place in The Democratic Republic of Congo, or the DRC. As a result of this sad and tragic war, 45,000 people lose their lives every month. That was not a misprint. I wrote 45,000. And, to date, close to 4.5 million people have lost their lives in the largest war in modern African history. Sadly, half of the people dying are children, in a place where only 20% of the children live to reach the ripe old age of five.

But I will excuse you if you have never heard of it. I will excuse you if you think that Laurent Desire-Kabila is a fashion designer, or Kinshasa is just a girl from around the way; because here in A-merry-ca we are programed to ignore such things. Unless, of course, it is taking place in the Middle East, or if we feel that our own interests are threatened.

Back in the early nineteen nineties when the Hutu's were slaughtering the Tutsi minorities in Rwanda, our first black president chose to ignore the planned genocide taking place on the continent that no one cares about (Sorry Sarah, it's a continent not a country). Now I am just hoping that the first real black president doesn't do the same thing. Oh come on field what can poor Obama do, this conflict is complicated, it involves at least four other countries, --including Rwanda--, it involves different ethnic groups(over 200 by last count) and fractured interests and coalitions. Not to mention years and years of tribalism and ethnic strife. The shit has been going on in The Congo ever since Belgium left those savages on their own, and ever since they murdered one of the greatest leaders they ever had, Patrice Lumumba. Yes kind of sounds like the Middle East doesn't it? But we are at least trying to broker the peace there, why not in Central Africa?

I wonder if Obama, a son of that continent, will order his secretary of state to take a serious look at the conflict and try to set up some sort of multi nation peace accord? If anyone can do it, I think he can. I think the leaders in countries like Rwanda, Uganda, and the DRC would listen to him, don't you? He has political capital here at home, why not spend some of it on Africa?

The irony is that it is a region with as much, if not more valuable natural resources than the Middle East. There is oil, uranium, gold, water, and incredible wildlife; yet we choose to ignore all of that, because it's on that dark continent, and we literally refuse to go there.

Maybe we can start blogging and talking about all the atrocities taking place over there a little more. I know that there are blogs dedicated to speaking out about women of color and their causes, I sure hope that they are speaking out about the rapes and mutilations taking place in the DRC, because that shit is seriously fucked up. If a sister is raped in Detroit by some thug, or in a village in Central Africa by some animal masquerading as a soldier, what's the difference? There isn't any.

Let's hope that we can try to put this issue on the front burner and start focusing our energy towards trying to help these poor people. I know it won't be easy, lord knows we have some issues of our own right here to deal with. But we have to start somewhere, and our keypads and our pocket books seems like a good place to start.

Here are a couple of great organizations doing their thing for the people of the DRC. Check them out to learn more about the crisis , and to see how you can get involved.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Let the backlash begin.

It didn't take long for the backlash to start now did it? But we knew it would. I think everyone in O-merica knew that there would be a push back if his O ness became our 44th President. We just didn't expect it to take place at places like Lehigh University. For those of you who do not live in Pennsylvania, Lehigh is a wonderful institution of higher learning. It is about as close to Ivy League you can get without being an actual Ivy League school. The kids there just missed getting into schools like Harvard, Yale, and Princeton; so that should give you an idea of the type of gene pool that we are dealing with. But it's not only the smart kids; it seems that even the jocks are getting into the act.

Sadly, even at Lehigh the poor children of color who are fortunate enough to be attending that fine school, have been forced to deal with hateful and ignorant behavior from their fellow students. All because thy happen to look like the guy who won the highest office in the land. I thought his O ness getting elected was supposed to end incidents of racism? I guess not. Unfortunately, I don't think some of our youngest and brightest got the memo.

But how can we blame them? We can't. Not when elected leaders from...surprise, the republican party, compare our new president to Hitler and imply that he is going to rule as a dictator. What the hell is in the water down there in Georgia? And do you black folks in the "A" ever leave the city limits? I sure hope this is not indicative of what we can expect in the new O-merica. Already there is a run on the gun stores from some of our god fearing gun loving friends, because they fear that his O ness will infringe on their Second Amendment rights. Out of my cold dead hands nigger. Ahhh you gotta love it. Oh come on field, stop it; the man hasn't even taken office yet and there you go chasing racism all over the place.

Yes, I need to chill and just enjoy this historic time in our history. There is so much work to do to make our country better.

"We must come together as a campus community to demonstrate that the hateful and ignorant actions of a few will not be allowed to hurt or intimidate our students or anyone else."

Thank you President Gast. And if he could, I am sure our president elect would thank you as well.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Proposition Hate.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. I am from Jamaica, one of the most homophobic places on the planet, and my daddy was a preacher, so don't ask me how I got to this place, and developed this mindset. A mindset that says in spite of the fact that I don't equate the LGBT movement with the civil rights movement; it doesn't mean that I don't see the nobility of their cause, or the fundamental unfairness of those who would oppose it. I can understand how someone who is Gay could feel as strong as they do about their civil rights as citizens. It is, after all, their struggle and their humanity that is being questioned.

So let's talk about Proposition 8 out in California for a minute: This ballot proposition which would amend the California state Constitution and make it illegal for two people of the same sex to get married. To be more specific, the language says that it's purpose is "to eliminate rights of same sex couples to marry." Interesting. To "eliminate" the right of two adult individuals to marry each other. Two adult individuals! And here is the kicker: this proposed ballot amendment did get a yes vote; so now it is alright to eliminate the rights of same sex couples in California to get married.

Now here is the irony: This little ballot initiative could not have won a YES vote without the overwhelming support of the African American community out in Cali. Seems the pim....I mean the preachers told their congregations in no uncertain terms to vote YES for this amendment, or California would become a modern day Sodom & Gomorrah. But this one we wouldn't destroy with fire and brimstone, this one we would destroy with the power of the vote. Nope, can't have those Gay sinners defiling our precious institutions, that's the preacher's job.

[Non monolithic alert!] But black folks, how soon you forget. Here is the other bit of irony: the very LDS church you teamed up with to get this amendment passed didn't even consider your black asses good enough to be priests in their own church just a few short years ago. Now here you are teaming up with them to support bigotry and discrimination. Sorry family, I will have to part with you on this one. I don't care how many of you came out and pushed YES for proposition 8, that shit was just wrong. And I know that there are certain complexities within the LGBT community (such as the treatment of LGBT minorities by whites in that group), which needs to be addressed ( see "dark moon's" comments about this issue on the thread a couple of posts back), but that's for another time. The crap that is going on now is all that I am concerned with.

Over seventeen million dollars? Wow! Bigotry is sure getting expensive these days. Whatever happened to the days when you could just cut up some sheets, hook up a make shit cross and just burn the motherfucker? I guess times have changed. But field, the people voted for it, what's your problem, don't you believe in democracy? From the early 1600's to 1865 A-merry-cans universally accepted slavery, but that didn't make it right. Oh come on field are you equating slavery to two men or women not being able to marry each other? They can still have civil unions, why do they have to call it marriage? I guess, and we can all still drink the same water, what's wrong with separate drinking fountains?

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Goodbye "white guilt".

"There go my fellow conservatives, glumly shuffling along, depressed by the election aftermath. Not me. I'm virtually euphoric. Don't get me wrong. I'm not thrilled with America's flirtation with neosocialism. But there's a massive silver lining in the magical clouds that lofted Barack Obama to the presidency. For today, without a shred of intellectually legitimate opposition, I can loudly proclaim to America:

The Era of White Guilt is over.

This seemingly impossible event occurred because the vast majority of white Americans didn't give a fluff about skin color and enthusiastically pulled the voting lever for a black man. Not just any black man. A very liberal black man who spent his early career race-hustling banks, praying in a racist church for 20 years, and actively working with America-hating domestic terrorists. Yet white Americans made Barack Obama their leader. Therefore, as of Nov. 4, 2008, white guilt is dead.

So today, I'm feeling a little 'uppity,' if you will. For more than a century, the millstone of white guilt hung around our necks, retribution for slave-owning predecessors. In the 1960s, American liberals began yanking that millstone while sticking a fork in the eye of black Americans, exacerbating the racial divide to extort a socialist solution to the country's problems. But if a black man can become president, exactly what significant barrier is left? The election of Barack Obama destroys the validation of liberal white guilt. The dragon is hereby slain.

So today, I'm feeling a little "uppity," if you will. From this day forward, my tolerance level for having my skin color hustled is exactly ZERO. No more Rev. Jeremiah Wright's "God Damn America," Al Sharpton's Church of Perpetual Victimization, or Jesse Jackson's rainbow racism. Cornel West? You're a fraud. All those 'black studies' programs must now teach kids to thank Whitey. And I want that on the final.

Congressional Black Caucus? Irrelevant. U.S. Rep. Maxine Waters (D., Calif.)? Shut up. ACORN? Outlawed. Black Panthers? Go home and pet your kitty. Black separatists? Find another nation that offers better dreams. To those Eurosnots who forged careers hating America? I'm still waiting for the first black French president.
No more quotas. No more handouts. No more complaining that 'the man' is keeping you down. 'The man' is now black.

It's time to toss that massive, obsolete race-hustle machine upon the heap of the other stupid '60s ideas. Drag it over there, right between free love and cop-killing. Careful, don't trip on streaking. Just dump it. And then wash your hands. It's filthy. Obama's ascension also creates another gargantuan irony. How can liberals sell American racism, class envy and unfairness when our new black president and his wife went to Ivy League schools, got high-paying jobs, became millionaires, bought a mansion, and are now moving to the White House? How unfair is that? Now, like a delicious O. Henry tale, Obama's spread-the-wealth campaign rendered itself moot by its own victory! America is officially a meritocracy. Obama's election has validated American conservatism.

So ... Wham!!!
That's the sound of my foot kicking the door shut on the era of white guilt. The rites have been muttered, the carcass lowered, dirt shoveled, and tombstone erected. Dead and buried."

That brilliant proclamation was from a conservative hack by the name of Tom Adkins, writing in my hometown paper, The Philadelphia Inquirer.

Interesting; so it was "white guilt" and not a heart felt belief in the credos of our fine republic that caused our government to finally view us as equals. Not people like John Lewis getting their asses kicked, and Martin Luther King getting killed, that caused this country to stand up and take notice of the inequities that existed in society. It was "white guilt".

Damn it, I wish I had found that out earlier. I would have just found college professors, bankers, and bosses who suffered from "white guilt'' and demanded that they give me a break...

Anyway, little black boys and little black girls, don't let this discourage you. Study hard, work hard, and do not bow to outside influences. You hold the future in your hands and you can be anything in life that you set your mind to. "White guilt" is officially over, but unfortunately, idiots like Mr. Adkins are still around.