Saturday, July 19, 2008

The "headturner", and the peek.



"The way that people respond to summer madness The weather is hot and girls are dressing less And checking out the fellas to tell em whos best..."

~~~Summertime/ Will Smith~~~






Warning, this post is going to seem sexist to those of you who look for such things. So if you are one of those people, you might want to stop reading right now and catch me at my next post.


So anyhoo, as most of you might or might not know there is a serious heatwave engulfing Philly right about now. Today I was in the mall with Mrs Field, and as is usually the case, a promise that we would be in and out took damn near two hours. But today I didn't mind; it's hot outside and...well Will's song says it all. It was that kind of day in the mall. ("Hey, just because I am on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu")



Now I am with the little Mrs. and the last thing you will ever want to do as a man is to disrespect your wife or whoever you are with by looking at another woman when you are in her presence. ---At least to the point of being obvious about it----Okay we all look, buy we sure are good at that shit aren't we? I mean we can damn near size up an entire mall area without turning our heads or even moving our eyes that much. Yet I bet we can describe every dime piece that came within 200 feet of our trained eyes. I suspect, too, that (at least in my case) the little lady knows, but as long as the look isn't too obvious, she lets you get away with that shit.

Now, of course, this all goes out the window when the "headturners" come into the equation. The "headturners" are those females who just make it damn near impossible to control the peek. This is the dime piece that is so...well....so.... fellows you know what I am talking about. This is the one that will force that ever so slight head turn. And you brothers reading this know exactly what will cause the head to turn. You know you do. You white guys, maybe not so much. But I am pretty sure that there is a different part of the female anatomy which causes your heads to turn. :)


So anyhoo, this young lady was walking towards Mrs. Field and I, and I could tell even from looking at her from the front what her (as we say in the islands ) "bumpa" was going to look like. Fellows, don't act like it's just me, you know exactly what I am talking about and what I was thinking.

So I was trying my damnedest not to seem like I notice, or to seem interested. I was looking at every damn sign on every store in the mall. I was looking at the fountain, the escalator, the kiosks, anything but this damn female walking towards us. "You now you want to look Field, so go ahead. She is pretty." This is the other part of this phenomenon that I forgot to mention: If the woman is really all that, your significant other will notice her too, and this will make it very difficult for you to front at this point. This is because she knows damn well that you are looking, even if she can't tell with the naked eye. "Look at what?" "Negro stop playing, you know you saw that girl, and she is pretty. I wouldn't blame you for looking at her." "Oh, her? Yeah I guess she is alright, nothing to write home about, I wouldn't even have noticed her if you didn't say anything." No matter how often I get the head-pop, I can never see it coming. And the surprise and the speed of it which Mrs Field has become so proficient at doing it, always makes it [the pop] hurt just a little more.

Okay, there was just one "head turner" today. Fortunately for me, Mrs. Field didn't have to play Roger Federer with the back of my head anymore. I will survive. Still, the entire time that I was in the mall, I was thinking that maybe global warming isn't such a bad thing after all.

45 comments:

Whitney B. said...

Mr. Big-Stuff Field,

Pure unadulturated satire! Loved this piece :)!!! My husband does the same thing...boys will be boys. As long as my sugar is in bed with me at night, who cares? He loves to look at that young nearly naked T&A...with a lot of lingering on the A part.

I always advise all the young dudes in construction who visit the Islands with little wifey in the winter to buy a nice dark pair of sunglasses. Them young lasses don't understand.

Glad for the light instead of the tight. You made my night.

Now I'll go watch LOGO.

Whit

Kellybelle said...

We see her 10 seconds before you do, LOL. That's just how men are. If women wore burkas, men would get aroused by a glimpse of an ankle. As long as you look, admire, then appreciate what you've got at home, it's all good. Even Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart.

Jody said...

Field... not feelin the sexism concern... however, the phenomena is not limited to hetros... we in the queer community also enjoy the sights! See now, if you hang with your queer sisters, you could enjoy the sights and share the commentary.

The Ink said...

See, Field when you marry the right ones, they will watch and peek with you.


On another note, I find the notion that appreciating a woman's physical beauty automatically sexist a bit of a stretch.

I get the whole objectification thing but clearly there has to be some allowance for appreciation for appreciation's sake.

jjbrock said...

Ms. Field already know how this thing work. Women dress for women not men. It don't matter what a sister has on, another woman can pick her game. She can be across the mall and a smart woman like Ms. Field can say go head and look it's ok and bring your a@@ on.

We can start at the foot and come up in a second and tell you the shoe name and brand. So don't think for a minute Ms. Field don't no the drill.

Field she could've had a trench coat on and you're probable still stole a peek.

Dragon Horse said...

My wife doesn't care if I look at other women as long as I don't touch them...typically my wife will comment on women like "she is pretty...she looks like a slut-whore (yes my wife says that, its an inside joke) or...She has fake boobs, she has nice legs, etc."

That has never been an issue. I think a lot of women are just insecure or their men have given them a reason to be.

My wife knows where I sleep at night so its not a issue. Then again my wife was not born in the U.S. :-)

Whitney B. said...

Anyhoo,

LOGO has a bunch of old sheeit that I've already watched...this hetro white chick understandin' all stuff what's goin' on. Bored to death. Never watch the Tee-Vee but when I do I wanna watch sumthin' different. Get my drift? Prob'ly not, you all testo-filled males. But, us gurls, we know.

Jody:
This is why I watch LOGO and have many LGBT and other friends. I totally relate, being raised as I was. The only thing I have to say about most of the regular series on LOGO is that they were made in Canada. Accents and dialect. Very annoying that we, in A-Merry-ca, can't produce, in this day and age, LGBT programming!!!

Me is a hetro chick with lots of mad props and love, per Mr. Field. One (and I have two) of my bestest friends from 6 years old, is a Lesbian, and proud of it. She has been with her partner almost as long (close to 15 years), in CA, since I have been with my husband (he and I are hetro, but didn't marry 'til 2002 because I didn't believe in it anymore). I got married because of his past Cat-lick guilt. Well, it was a JP, so, not so bad. We even got instant pics. :) Polaroids are dead.

Anyhoo....just checkin' in with the chicks!!! There's nothing more that I love than my gurlfriends!!! And, me, liking to throw stones at the glass ceiling really enjoy my gals!

Whit

Whitney B. said...

JJBrock,

Yep. I'm all over it. And, I don't use vulgar words nor do I chastise my husband. After all, we're in our 50's+ and still think we're 19. Me, I am cancer gurl and lost a lot of my "stuff" last year and am still not with it. But I can appreciate my boy's appetite. We still got it, but we don't (neither one of us) look like we did when we got together in 1993.

Unless one can justify or explore surgery, which one of us do look like we did 15 years ago? That's the best thing about being married to a roving eye that comes home to me whenever we are lucky enuf to get together (as we work 540 + miles apart right now) and when I move to 'Sippi it will be 900 + miles). Now, I TRUST my man. That Cajun knows where to come home!

Whitney Brown, as in Downtown.

Hugh O'Donnell said...

Great change of pace, Field. :)

And let's raise a glass to honesty.

R.J. said...

I'm lucky that I can talk about other women openly with the one I'd like to see exclusively. I can look all I want, but I better not touch or else...remember that time when you were suspended by Mrs. Field from blogging for forty-eight hours or something like that when you posted that retro picture in the sidebar? There you go. It will be like that, but my trip to blogging Siberia will be much longer.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hey Field Negro!

You are something else...

I wrote a post about the "conspiracy of fetishization" just last week and here you are...PROVING all of the points I made in my post like the "mannish" man that you are!

Sistas use the term "mannish" to describe guys like you...the ones who walk into Diary Queen to see what everyone else is eating but don't buy anything...they just want to see what everyone else has...

I have never had a problem with a man looking at other women but I suppose it depends on HOW DEEPLY he is into his exploration... if we are chatting and a lovely lady walks by and he says, 'what a lovely lady, honey" and we keep on talking... okay.. no harm...no foul...

If he starts looking and runs smack into the kiosk in front of us because he tried to quickly turn his head...then THAT is a major problem and he is making his woman look like a fool in public with his shenanigans!!

The problem is when a man WANTS a woman to be okay with his eyes wandering but if a brotha walks by and wants to take a look at my "bumpa" and smile, oh NOW he's ready to make it rain with an AK-47!!

Men...if you want to look at women...and you want your lady to be cool with your wandering eye...then pleeeeeease don't start pouting when other men do that with your own lady... and don't start pouting when we decide to notice a scrumptious Mandingo passing by.

deal?

deal.

Hmmmmph.

Lisa

Bob said...

A woman friend used to date a very fine jazz guitarist. Like many male musicians, he enjoyed finding a nice looking woman in the club & fixing his eyes upon her while he played some sweet ballad. He would say it was inspirational & I'm sure it was. But his problem - terrible habit - was that when his girlfriend was in the audience she wouldn't be the one he was looking at. He'd be checking some woman at the bar in a tight dress who just passed legal drinking age. After the gig he'd get an earful, but then she'd call me & I'd get it too because she was pissed off at all men. One day I said to guy, please cut that crap out. Stare at your bass player.

PhysioProf said...

Of course there is nothing wrong with looking at other people one finds attractive. But it becomes a problem when the look becomes a leer, and when it sends the message that the person being looked at is an object and not a human being.

Miranda said...

What did Angela (Halle) tell Marcus (Eddie) in the final scene of Boomerang as they walk down the street and a woman walks by? I thought that was the standard rule of response.

Christopher said...

Gay relationships are no different.

Jim and I always scope out the fine looking men at the Wegmans, or at the mall, or at the baseball stadium and I am usually the first to comment.

It's healthy and human and perfectly normal. But there's a HUGE difference between saying, "CBA alert, look at his ass," versus handing him my phone number and having sex while Jim is at work.

We're serial monogamous spouses and this works best for us. Other couples have different rules and it's all good. I'm very secure and I know it's light years from appreciating male beauty versus acting on it. I figure after 16 years, we're doing sumpin' right.

But make no mistake. If I got wind Jim was fucking someone behind my back I'd cut that big horse dick of his off with a knife while he was sleeping. I don't play that game.

SingaporeSwim said...

My boyfriend and I agree that it's OK to look w/o ogling. It gives us something to talk about and promotes honesty, respect and openness. Besides, it's not healthy to deny someone their innocent carnal instincts.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

@ Miranda

What did she say to Marcus?

I only remember the scene when she slaps him across the face and says:
"you're right, you're sorry! You're sorry and you're tired! Love should have brought you home last night!"

[Cue Toni Braxton]

{3 snaps in Z-formation}

Now THAT was a memorable movie moment! (Not that I am condoning physical violence or anything...)

Lord help.

Lisa

John B. said...

Har! Field, I know where you're coming from! I was sitting at the airport with my wife when a fine little number walks by - looks, clothes, she had it all, and she knew it, too!

Well, I was sitting there practically unscrewing my eyeballs out of my head trying to check her out without being obvious about it, when my wife says, "It's okay, you can look."

Pretty cool, huh?

Phil4Real said...

I just got back from South Beach with my girl. FN I ducked and dodged many "Smack on the back". OMG Miami is the capital of "Damm why you hit me?" My eyes have seen the glory in a two piece thong suit. Miami is a taste of heaven. Oh let's not talk about the clubs. I had no idea you could were a wife beater as a dress, very interesting with 4inch heels.

Anonymous said...

FN

Glad to see you being a bona fide, true, 'manly man/mannish', authentic field negro. Appreciate your honesty, 'main'. Truth be told, we are hard wired to look and appreciate the full lips, curvaceous lines of our African sisters. Some of the finest 'sistuhs' can be seen in Kenya, Tanzania, Madagascar(OMG!) precisely because many of them are covered by burkas that only reveal almond shaped eyes above prominent cheek bones and full lips - and you better not get caught looking. And I appreciate other men (and women) looking at my 'boo'; we both know who's going home with who.

field negro said...

"The problem is when a man WANTS a woman to be okay with his eyes wandering but if a brotha walks by and wants to take a look at my "bumpa" and smile, oh NOW he's ready to make it rain with an AK-47!!

Men...if you want to look at women...and you want your lady to be cool with your wandering eye...then pleeeeeease don't start pouting when other men do that with your own lady... "

Great point blackwomenblowthetrumpet.
And as someone who has to listen to how fine the likes of Morris Chestnut, Uncle L, and Tyson Beckford is all day long; believe me, double standard is not a problem in the FN household. Mrs Field is not shy about letting moi know who has it going on. :)

And I am pretty sure she still enjoys getting an approach or a come on. Here in Philly the brothers can be pretty aggressive.

field negro said...

Phil4real, I just hope Mrs. Filed doens't read these comments,because if she does, I can pretty much cancel ever going to Miami alone ever again. Thanks a lot!! :(

And yes, I like to see women in wife beaters too ;)

john b, that is pretty cool.

We pretty much have the same thing. Except it doesn't look like you get the head pop. Honeslty, I only get it when I lie.

RyanB said...

Field you're so funny - you obviously respect your wife a great deal... nothing sexist about the post.

Truth be told, I used to be very uncomfortable with my boyfriend looking at other women. I'd watch his eyes size up every booty that walked by from across the table and, well, it pissed me off. This was about a year into our relationship.

But now we're a lot more comfortable with each other. Things that I used to get upset about (things you DO get upset about in the beginning of a relationship - ex conversations, checking out other people, etc. ) I'm totally fine with now.

Funny how people grow together to become comfortable with (even celebratory) of the other's sexuality.

NSangoma said...

~
speaking of derrière, er bumpa, these sistahs must sport powerful sets of backs
`

Miranda said...

Angela and Marcus are walking down the street, sistah walks by...and Angela tells Marcus "if you look at her I will BREAK YOUR FUCKING NECK!"........I could watch "Boomerang" over and over and over again...LOL

Isaiah 58 said...

Thanks for the light summertime reading field! I used to enjoy boy watching in the summer. But recently, it has started to dawn on me that the boys are my son's age and it's starting to creep me out. The sight of a good looking late teen or early twenty something brother makes me feel more like pinching his cheek than patting his backside.

And after men turn forty (closer to my age), in most cases, it just isn't the same anymore.

Years ago, I used to have a summer dress I called my 'stopping traffic dress.' I literally used to stop traffic while wearing it. It was fun and I have lots of fond memories of wearing that dress. When men aren't obnoxiuos about it, the attention is affirming.

But maybe that isn't a PC position these days.

La ~ msviswan said...

"Warning, this post is going to seem sexist to those of you who look for such things. So if you are one of those people.... "


Well thank goodness that's not me for sure. I think it sucks for any woman to come on your blog and point out something that seems sexist. That's wrong, wrong I tell ya. it's your blog and it's a free country!

Btw, could you not use that slang "Anyhoo" again? It sounds... um... inappropriate and sort of pun intended agaist the women in your post. You should just stick to "anyhow" to be on the safe side. You know...

Oh, I'm sure Mrs. Field is a headturner herself, I hope you can handle that as well. :)

blackgirlinmaine said...

LOL.... Seriously the ole man can look all he wants, and yes we women do notice when another female is a head turner so to speak.

I have been married going on 11 years this year and I think its only natural to notice attractive folks. Just because you get married doesn't mean you aren't a human.

Cute post.

marci said...

field.. and mrs field.. there is nothing worng in wndow shopping as long as you do not go in and buy te goods..
by the way field.. you will never know when mrs field spots a honey...

& why is your word verification so long again??

field negro said...

"by the way field.. you will never know when mrs field spots a honey... "


marci, I know, that's a scary thought :) You women are so much better at that than we are.

marci, I am sick of google and their long ass word verifications too. Not to worry, I already purchased my own domain name, but I haven't had the time or expertise to set it up.

Thank you la~msv...I feel better hearing from you that it's cool to talk frankly about the opposite sex. We can be so hard on each other sometimes.

Anyhoo....just kidding, I will work on that too ;)

isaiah58, go put on that dress. I bet you can still wear that bad boy. 40 is the new 30.

PhysioProf said...

40 is the new 30.

Fuck that noise! As far as I'm concerned, 40 is the new 20!!

RiPPa said...

I went to the mall with my wife and kids yesterday. After reading this, I don't feel as guilty.

I did learn something tho, I never thought that my wife was aware of me checking out other chicks until you put it out there. I'm guessing thats why she found the need to hold my hand as we strolled thru the mall.

Blinders Off said...

@
Field,
Mrs. Field is a mature woman and mature women can handle their men appreciating beauty as long as the husband does not make an obnoxious fool of himself.

@
Blackwomenblowthetrumpet and the other female commenters:

You all summed it up for most women.

@ Rippa:

Do not underestimate your wife love for wanting to hold your hand while walking in the mall it has nothing to do with chicks in the mall :)

ms_hgrits said...

LOL - cute post Field. I am in agreement with the majority of the folks here - go ahead and look, just don't be jerk about it.

For me, 40 is not the new 30; and 30 is NOT the new 20. 40 is the new 40 dammit. I can't wait to be 40 - forty and fine! If I have to be 20-something again, I will loose my natural mind!!!

Ya'll have a wonderful Monday.

Keith said...

Hey Feild....I feel you...I live in Philly too and I was at the King
of Prussia mall today with my Mrs.
The temptation or the heat was conspiring to kill me. Great Post-lololol..and so true.

field negro said...

LOL keith! That's where I was Saturday, King of Prussia. I am glad I am not alone.

jp said...

July 4th I went down to Philly for the Mets v. Phillies game. I step away from the lady who was wearing a sexy green dress that day to pick up the tickets from the ticket window. We weren't separated 4 minutes before some dude tried invite her to watch the game with him and go home with him later. The summer is treacherous territory sexually.

freedom said...

Philly boy here. I used to get the old "head pop" from time to time, when I was in a relationship. Right now, any head pops will come from those at whom I am staring so hard! I went to "Live 8" with my son and daughter and when Will Smith started singing "Summertime", that crowd went crazy, me along with them. It was amazing that just about the entire crowd was singing along. That Philly boy commands adoration.

I love the satire and huimor that you present. Peace.

Phil4Real said...

FN,
Sorry FN, I'm suffering from over exposure. There's always a reason to go to Miami alone. You got great fishing in the Keys, Steelers vs Dolphins game, and Heat vs Philly playoff game(possibly). I recommend everyone visit Joe's Stone Crab.

Hattie said...

Burkas, man, burkas!

Malcolm said...

While reading your post, I couldn't get a certain Sir Mix-A-Lot song out of my head. As you can guess, I know exactly what you mean. On Saturday afternoon, I was talking to a good friend of mine. I was in the middle of telling him a story when I looked out into the courtyard of my apartment complex. I noticed a woman whose front and backsides caused me to lose my train of thought. I literally had to ask my friend "what was I saying?" and he was able to get me back on track so that I could finish my story.

Anonymous said...

This post is useless without a photo of said girl.

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