"The way that people respond to summer madness The weather is hot and girls are dressing less And checking out the fellas to tell em whos best..."
~~~Summertime/ Will Smith~~~
Warning, this post is going to seem sexist to those of you who look for such things. So if you are one of those people, you might want to stop reading right now and catch me at my next post.
So anyhoo, as most of you might or might not know there is a serious heatwave engulfing Philly right about now. Today I was in the mall with Mrs Field, and as is usually the case, a promise that we would be in and out took damn near two hours. But today I didn't mind; it's hot outside and...well Will's song says it all. It was that kind of day in the mall. ("Hey, just because I am on a diet doesn't mean I can't look at the menu")
Now I am with the little Mrs. and the last thing you will ever want to do as a man is to disrespect your wife or whoever you are with by looking at another woman when you are in her presence. ---At least to the point of being obvious about it----Okay we all look, buy we sure are good at that shit aren't we? I mean we can damn near size up an entire mall area without turning our heads or even moving our eyes that much. Yet I bet we can describe every dime piece that came within 200 feet of our trained eyes. I suspect, too, that (at least in my case) the little lady knows, but as long as the look isn't too obvious, she lets you get away with that shit.
Now, of course, this all goes out the window when the "headturners" come into the equation. The "headturners" are those females who just make it damn near impossible to control the peek. This is the dime piece that is so...well....so.... fellows you know what I am talking about. This is the one that will force that ever so slight head turn. And you brothers reading this know exactly what will cause the head to turn. You know you do. You white guys, maybe not so much. But I am pretty sure that there is a different part of the female anatomy which causes your heads to turn. :)
So anyhoo, this young lady was walking towards Mrs. Field and I, and I could tell even from looking at her from the front what her (as we say in the islands ) "bumpa" was going to look like. Fellows, don't act like it's just me, you know exactly what I am talking about and what I was thinking.
So I was trying my damnedest not to seem like I notice, or to seem interested. I was looking at every damn sign on every store in the mall. I was looking at the fountain, the escalator, the kiosks, anything but this damn female walking towards us. "You now you want to look Field, so go ahead. She is pretty." This is the other part of this phenomenon that I forgot to mention: If the woman is really all that, your significant other will notice her too, and this will make it very difficult for you to front at this point. This is because she knows damn well that you are looking, even if she can't tell with the naked eye. "Look at what?" "Negro stop playing, you know you saw that girl, and she is pretty. I wouldn't blame you for looking at her." "Oh, her? Yeah I guess she is alright, nothing to write home about, I wouldn't even have noticed her if you didn't say anything." No matter how often I get the head-pop, I can never see it coming. And the surprise and the speed of it which Mrs Field has become so proficient at doing it, always makes it [the pop] hurt just a little more.
Okay, there was just one "head turner" today. Fortunately for me, Mrs. Field didn't have to play Roger Federer with the back of my head anymore. I will survive. Still, the entire time that I was in the mall, I was thinking that maybe global warming isn't such a bad thing after all.