It's getting tougher and tougher to fight the well coordinated wingnut hate machine these days. And the way things have been going for the dumbocrats lately you might want to switch over to the republiklans. What's that old saying? Oh yeah, "if you can't beat em join em."
If you are a person of color it has to be particularly tough. Where do you go?
Well, fortunately for you, your friendly neighborhood field Negro is here to help. I have come up with a few tips for you to endear yourself to your right wing republiklan friends.
So here they are. 10 things that you should [or should not do] if you want to be a right wing friendly Negro:
1. Always laugh at tasteless Gay and immigrant jokes. So these two fags went into a bar....ha ha ha, that's a good one Jim.
2. Never talk about how much money you have or how successful you are. That old adage that "there is nothing a white man with a penny hates more than a nigger with a nickel" is particularly true with wingnuts.
3. Tell them you hate that Obama fella even more than they do.
4. Always refer to other black people as them and they. Never us or we. Distance is important. You want to be seen as an individual, not as just another one of them.
5. Always speak properly. Unless, of course, you are pretending to speak like other black people. Then, of course, it's alright to use ebonics.
6. Never ever rain on their stereotype parade. If offered some watermelon and fried chicken around your wingnut friends tell them how much you love that shit, and ask them if they have some Kool-Aid to go with it. Even if you hate fried chicken and watermelon gives you the runs.
7. Always keep your television on FOX News in case one of them makes a surprise visit. The last thing you want to do is go scrambling for the remote when the doorbell rings.
8. Props are important. Keep certain books around the house like Mein Kampf, Imperium, and anything by the likes of Arthur de Gobineau, Beck, and Coulter. Trust me, they will be impressed. Hey, I didn't know you read Yockey? I knew that there was something about you I liked.
9. Brush up on your NASCAR. Instead of watching NFL Today and some for the other shows on ESPN all Sunday, start watching the NASCAR reports on FOX Sports. I think Mark Martin is going to take the Winston Cup this year. He finally has a faster car. What do you think Jim?
10. Finally, [and this is a twofer]tell them that you can't stand it when people talk about Sarah Palin's looks and forget just how smart she is.
*Pic courtesy of my friend ArtMaggot.