To say that what was playing itself out on television today was surreal would be an understatement. Not since O.J.'s famous Bronco ride has so many people been glued to the news channels to see unscripted reality TV. You all know the story by now: We were told that there was a six year old boy floating away in what looked like a big birthday balloon slash spaceship as it blew across the windswept Colorado plains.
My co-workers were beside themselves: workers and litigants watched in awe from the television in the courthouse lobby. Field you will not believe this. There is a poor little boy floating away in a hot air balloon. God that poor child! -That little six year old owes me some reports- So I went out and watched right along with them. Right until the over- sized birthday balloon landed softly with a thud in what seemed like the perfect spot. But, alas, there was no boy. And then everyone started to think the unthinkable; what if he had fallen out? Of course the news reports didn't help. It was one confusing and contradictory report after another. In hindsight it seems that they were all just as confused as we were.
Fast forward five hours, and we all know by now that the little guy is safe and sound. Seems he was right there in his garage hiding through the entire ordeal.
Now you know I have to keep it real with you, so that's what I am going to do.
First, who the fuck has a hot air balloon just parked in their back yard? Are these people crazy? A balloon? Ahhh honey, I have to go to the grocery store, I think I will take the balloon. No problem dear, just make sure it has enough helium in it.......unbelievable! And, to make matters worse, they have little children. Did it ever occur to these people that this might be a dangerous situation? Thank goodness the little rug-rat didn't really go Fifth Dimension on us and try to fly away in daddy's beautiful balloon. Still, just the fact that everyone involved thought it was possible just goes to show how foolhardy these damn people are. I say call DHS/ Child Protective Services on their asses to investigate. They do it with poor people all the time, these suburban loons don't get a pass.
Oh, and while we are at it, let's bill them for the cost of the rescue operation that went out to save their little six year old and the disruption that they cost local air traffic. BTW, that little six year old better be glad he is not in a black family, because if he was, falling from a damn balloon would be the least of his problems. As it stands, he will probably just get "time out" and no video game privileges for a week.
"When the Heene family aren't chasing storms, they devote their time to scientific experiments that include looking for extraterrestrials and building a research-gathering flying saucer to send into the eye of the storm," according to the show. "
Which begs the question; if they can't find their damn six year old in the garage attic, just how the hell are they going to find "extraterrestrials"?