I have a white colleague who wanted to adopt an African American male baby. (At least that's what he told me.) Unfortunately for him, he was discouraged from doing so, and as a result he ended up going to a foreign country where he adopted what is now a sweet well adjusted little girl.
Now I could do an entire blog post around white couples adopting -or trying to adopt black children and why it is discouraged by many black social workers. I could talk about all the social implications and about the other side of the argument that says children need loving homes regardless of the race or sexual orientation of their parents. I am still trying to figure out where I stand on this subject, and I continue to listen to others who are professionals in these areas as I try to formulate a point of view.
I wrote those two paragraphs so you can better understand the reason I am posting tonight: I caught the following story over at AOL Black Voices. Seems like everyone can't play Madonna. I guess it's cool when we see celebrities doing certain things but when the rubber meets the road things tend to change.
Take the case of Anita Tedaldi, for instance. Who says that once you go black you can never go back? Anita and her husband sure did. Yep, seems Anita just couldn't bond with her adopted African baby, and, sadly, she had to throw him back to the wild.....OK that part isn't true (about throwing him back into the wild) but she did pass on raising the poor little guy.
"What happens when a parent and an adopted child don't bond? In blogger Anita Tedaldi's case, she and her husband gave their South American-born toddler son to another family. She related her story to the New York Times' Motherlode blog back in August and repeated it Oct. 1 on NBC's 'Today' show:"I loved him, and I cared deeply for him," Tedaldi told Matt Lauer Thursday in New York. "I tried to do the same exact thing I did with my biological children, but over time, it became clear that our family maybe wasn't a good match for him, that we were unable to meet some of his needs." SOURCE: MSNBC.com
Her adopted son, who is only referred to as D., had been found abandoned by the side of a road in South America. He was thought to be somewhere around 1 years old at the time. His legs were underdeveloped, and his head was flat in the back from being left in a crib unattended. Tedaldi and her husband, who is in the military, already had five natural daughters of their own and wanted to welcome an adopted child into their home. She says their decision to adopt was done after a lot of careful research, and that they were thrilled when they found out D. was available. However, once they had D., a host of physical, developmental and emotional problems plagued their relationship with him over the next 18 months. On top of that, parents and child failed to bond with each other.
He wasn't "attaching" and "the realization that I didn't feel for D. the same way I felt for my own flesh and blood shook the foundations of who I thought I was," Tedaldi confessed to Motherlode. They decided to find another family for him. "
"He wasn't "attaching"? Hey, I am not a woman, but maybe one of you ladies who have been blessed with a child can tell me how "attaching " works. Poor Baby D. I sure hope the little guy wasn't feeling his new mommy, cause she sure wasn't feeling him.
Anyway, here is hoping that he can find a nice loving home with folks who can "attach" to him. I am sure that if Mrs. Field didn't already have one big ass child on her hands she would give it a shot.