I just caught the latest Tyler Perry flick. (Fellows, please forgive me, I had no choice. I owed Mrs. Field a chick flick.) So anywhoo, after seeing that movie about the perils of young and successful black folks hooking up, -Perry might have been on to something I thought about a post I saw from a brother over at AOL Black Voices. In the article he writes about people hooking up, or not, if they so choose. And people who judge other people based on what would make them happy, or, societal mores which, based on their own experiences, they think that we all should follow.
I know a sister, for instance, who happens to be a very attractive and successful attorney. She is single, I am guessing she is pushing 40, and I am pretty sure that she has no children. Other than in the courtroom (where she can be a Pitbull) she seems to be the happiest person in the world. Yet brothers are always going all Dick Tracy on old girl. "Field, what's up with her? Is she Gay or what? How come she hasn't hooked up with anyone?" I also know married couples with children who likewise seem happy and well adjusted. I know folks who are Gay who I could put in that same category as well. And, of course, there is the flip side. I am sure that I could point out folks in the categories I just mentioned who are not quite as happy and well adjusted. Point is, there is no set formula for happiness. Not when it comes to relationships.
This brother over at AOL Black Voices wrote:
"A good friend finds herself irritated by the incessant chatter about the "single black woman" phenomenon. She confides that she recognizes the challenges that many black women face in pursuit of love and she feels for them, but she's coming from a different place. At age 38, she has no interest in walking down the aisle, settling down or raising children. She never has. Therefore, the logistics and statistics for finding a good (black) man don't mean a lot to her on a personal level. Perhaps, she's a bit of a loner that way, but she's definitely not alone in how she feels. It's true, however, that love, marriage and a baby carriage are high on the list of most single women and preferably in that order. Women are socialized to believe that being a mother, with a loving husband in tow, is the holy grail of womanhood..."
That last sentence might be true, but I don't think it makes it right. This is going to sound strange from someone who is always preaching about the power of the collective. But when it comes to relationships, I am of the opinion that it should be all about the individual and what floats their particular boat.
So when I read where the brother wrote this:
" I understand that protecting our comfort zones is high priority. The doors become unhinged and the walls weaken when we feel threatened by people who believe and behave differently than the traditional manner most of us are accustomed to. Whether it's being openly gay, having an open marriage or, as in this case, declaring open season on the Pollyanna notion that all straight women want the same thing, society still gets its panties twisted up in a bunch at the thought of such things. The only thing most of us want open is our mouths so we can bark about how wrong a person is. And, if the spirit hits, we'll commence with stoning people with Bibles in the public square or on comment boards.As Erykah Badu states it at the end of her new video, "people assassinate that which they do not understand." To my friend (and everyone like her), continue to be you. People will always sound the alarms simply because someone sets fire to their safe and neatly packaged belief systems." [Link]
I was glad it's Sunday cause I wanted to say Amen!