Friday, July 03, 2009

Duke revisited: Or maybe not.


Just up the way from Neverland, where a sad A-merry-can tragedy is playing itself out, another A-merry-can tragedy has already taken place. You have probably never heard of Eric Frimpong; and honestly, if I hadn't decided to pick up my latest addition of ESPN The Magazine, I probably wouldn't have either. (That's surprising because I am a huge soccer fan.)


What happened to Eric Frimpong, on its face, seems sad and unconscionable. But unlike the people in the Duke case, who were quick to jump to the defense of the Dukies and tar and feather their accuser, I will reserve judgement on his guilt or innocence until I learn even more. (BTW, why have the people who were so vocal during the Duke case, been so silent during this one?That's a rhetorical question. I already know the answer)

The facts of this case sound all too familiar to some of us here in A-merry-ca; we have been down this road before. But I want to be fair to all concerned: The criminal justice system; the accuser; her friends; Fripong's lawyers; the jurors; Everybody. I want you to read the article for yourself and tell me what you think.

I will give you a little of it, but please go to the link at the end of the post and finish reading. It gets better. Or, I should probably say, worse.

"It's March 3, 2008, a brilliant day in Santa Barbara. But for Eric Frimpong, it feels like hell. He's in Superior Court, encircled by sheriff's deputies, making one more trip to the Department 2 courtroom. This is his last stop on the outside for a while, a painful reminder of how far he has fallen. He left his native Ghana in 2005 to play soccer for UC Santa Barbara; a year later he became a campus hero while leading the Gauchos to their first-ever national championship. If the immigrant experience can have a sound, Frimpong's sound was a raucous stadium. But in 2007, just weeks after being selected by the Kansas City Wizards in the MLS draft, he was accused of raping another student on the beach near his house. Now he's a convicted felon.
Frimpong enters the courtroom, which is packed with students and parents, former teammates and coaches -- row upon row of supporters. They've come for the sentencing that concludes a trial that has rocked this community: People v. Eric Frimpong. Or more accurately, People v. Eric Frimpong and His People.

A victim's advocate reads a statement on behalf of the accuser, referred to in this story and in news coverage throughout the trial as Jane Doe. "I don't care that he's a soccer star…and I'm a nobody," the statement says. "Eric Frimpong ruined my life."

There's a rumble in the gallery. If his supporters could chime in now, they'd say that the kid in the prison garb has never spoken an unkind word or acted aggressively toward anyone. They would remind the court of the points made at trial: that his accuser was a woman with little memory of what happened that night because of a near-toxic blood alcohol level; that Frimpong's DNA wasn't found on the victim; that semen found on her underwear belonged to a jealous boyfriend, a white student who was never a suspect. They would argue that overzealous law enforcement was determined to nail a high-profile athlete, facts be damned, and that this was the Duke lacrosse case all over again -- except that the defendants in the Duke case were white men from affluent families with the means to navigate America's justice system, unlike Frimpong, who is poor and an immigrant.

Judge Brian Hill, citing Frimpong's clean record and "a lot of community support," delivers his sentence: six years in state prison. As Frimpong is led away, many people in the gallery are crying. Out in the hall, Paul and Loni Monahan stand solemnly while the courtroom empties. Their son, Pat, was Frimpong's teammate, and the Monahans -- a white, middle-class family -- had ­embraced "Frimmer" like a son and a brother. Loni distributes copies of a printed statement: "We will continue to fight for Eric. We will not rest until he is exonerated and the ugly truth of his wrongful prosecution and conviction comes out." When the leaflets are gone, she leans against a wall, tears flowing. "Eric believed in our system," she says. "He believed justice would prevail." Then she straightens. "Before I was sad," she says. "Now I'm mad."
Something good happened in Santa Barbara. Even now, as Frimpong sits behind a glass partition in the visitors' room of a California jail, he smiles easily while talking about where he's come from and what he has achieved. The way he sees it, he has always been fortunate.

Back in Ghana, in western Africa, he and his three younger siblings were raised by their mother, Mary, in the poor farming community of Abesin, but her job as a typist with the government forestry department allowed the family to have plumbing and electricity, unlike many of their neighbors. Eric was an engineering major and a midfielder for Kwame Nkrumah University of Science and Technology, in Kumasi, when he caught the eye of UCSB assistant Leo Chappel, who attended a 2005 match to scout the son of a Ghanian pro but ended up offering a scholarship to Frimpong instead. The first words out of Frimpong's mouth? Thank God. The next: What's UCSB?

By that August, the Gauchos had a crafty midfielder with intangibles to burn. Frimpong's intelligence, instinct and vision, along with his speed and touch, made him an on-the-ball force. He also had a winning personality. "Frimmer was very humble and considerate, on and off the field," says head coach Tim Vom Steeg.

As a senior the next year, the 5'6" Frimpong developed a reputation as a lockdown defender in leading the unseeded Big West champs to a string of improbable NCAA tournament wins. When the final whistle blew on the 2006 national championship game, the Cinderella Gauchos had defeated four-time king UCLA. Frimpong earned All-Big West honors, a spot in the MLS supplemental draft and the gratitude of his peers. "He was the heart and soul of the team," says Pat Monahan. "Eric won us that championship."

Everyone around Frimpong was buoyed by his success: his mother, friends and classmates, prominent locals who had helped him out along the way with invites to dinner, rides to the store and, when he struggled with homesickness during his junior year, a fund-raiser that yielded $3,000 for a ticket to Ghana. "We all tried to pitch in, because Eric's so darn likable," says Tim Foley, a booster who made Frimpong a regular guest at his family's home. "He was an American success story."

The Monahans were especially proud. Frimpong had met his "American parents" on move-in day in 2005, and they promptly invited him to spend Thanksgiving in San Diego. They gave him his first cell phone and laptop and took him on family vacations. They sat in their kitchen for hours listening to his stories about Ghana. They were also impressed by his knowledge of the Bible, and his quiet spirituality helped bolster their own faith. "He was going to graduate, play professionally, make more money here than he ever could in Ghana and bring it back to support his family," Loni says. "Eric really had it all."

With the support of friends, including girlfriend Prieto (far right), Frimpong stayed in school after the incident and graduated.

Something bad happened in Santa Barbara. On Feb. 17, 2007, sometime after midnight on a fast-eroding bluff of beach right below 6547 Del Playa Drive, Jane Doe was raped. She said Eric Frimpong did it, and an all-white jury agreed. But the nature of the case, and some of the more slippery details surrounding it, has divided the community, raising questions about the reliability of the victim's memory, the true character of the accused, the motives and tactics of law enforcement, even the fairness of the justice system. Amid all the controversy, though, two simple truths remain: A young woman was victimized, and a young man's dream was shattered.

UCSB is among the nation's top party schools, and oceanfront Del Playa is the belly of the beast. Even a model student-athlete like Frimpong, who maintained a 3.0 GPA while working on a double major in applied mathematics and business economics, found it hard to skip the party entirely. After the Gauchos won it all, they were the toast of the town, especially Frimmer. As Pat Monahan puts it, "You'd walk into apartments and see Ghanian flags hanging over people's beds."

Frimpong's journey from soccer hero to convicted felon began a little more than halfway through his senior year. (The account that follows is based on police reports, interview transcripts, court proceedings and comments from trial observers.) The night of Feb. 16 began for Frimpong in the same place where he started most Friday nights, on the couch in his house at 6547 Del Playa Drive, watching a movie with housemates. His girlfriend, Yesenia Prieto, was working late, but Eric had reason to celebrate, fresh off an impressive 10-day tryout for the Wizards, so he showered and went to meet friends at a party at 6681 Del Playa Drive. It was outside that home, at about 11:30 p.m., that Frimpong met Jane Doe, a UCSB freshman. They struck up a conversation, then walked back to his house to play beer pong. They arrived just before midnight, and Eric introduced Jane to his roommates before taking her to the patio, where the two of them played beer pong for a few minutes until, according to Frimpong, Doe said she wanted to smoke, so they headed for the park next door. At the park, he says, Doe approached another male, who appeared to have followed them. When she walked back to Frimpong, she started kissing him, but he wasn't interested because she smelled of cigarettes. Doe became aggressive, he says, and stuck her hand down his pants. He pushed her away, then headed to the home of his friend, Krystal Giang, who'd been expecting him. By 4 a.m., he was in bed at Prieto's apartment.

About an hour and a half earlier, Jane Doe, accompanied by her sister and two friends, checked into Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital emergency clinic, claiming she had been raped...."



Big h/t to Sam Alipour from ESPN The Magazine.

256 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 256 of 256
alicia banks said...

i wonder how "sweet" the fatal gold digging wf mistress of the corpse mcnair was?

she sure caught him huh?...eternally so

sincerely,
ab

Anonymous said...

"being found innocent in court usually only means you were rich enough to be guilty and win..."

Now you see? No matter what, the bm is guilty by your standards.

alicia banks said...

anon

what you call cruel

i call truth

and what is most cruel about the truth is that it hurts

i am very sweet...but not to ojs

fyi

alicia banks said...

anon

ALL men of all races buy justice in cts

not "just us"

how did u possible read that as an indictment of bms?

robert blake is native american no?
fyi

Anonymous said...

"i wonder how "sweet" the fatal gold digging wf mistress of the corpse mcnair was?"

Granted, she lost her mind. But what makes you so sure that she was a gold digger?

alicia banks said...

because she bilked him rapidly!!!

ie

waitresses do not pay cash for luxury cars and upscale condos

especially at 20

even obama would be proud of that kind of robbery...

Anonymous said...

"waitresses do not pay cash for luxury cars and upscale condos"

He had those cars and the condo long before she came along. If anything he just shared with her like a good friend would.

You just refuse to give anybody a break. People make mistakes. Have you ever made a mistake. Wait. I already know. You made a mistake by not voting for Obama and calling your people Obama nazis. That was a mistake wasn't it?

alicia banks said...

my mistakes do not involve cheating and gifting whores

they involve expecting black nazis to wake up about obama/oj/mj etc...

i wish to god i had not voted for obama

it makes me sicker each day that i did so ONLY after hc dropped out

bubba left the usa with a surplus
she was a 2fer!

Unknown said...

"And you and Fly have the nerve to talk about not standing up him? That's saying you won't stand up for justice and for what's right. You just love to keep beating up on bm. But we keep marrying you; and standing by you; and bringing home the bacon to you. When are you going to be satisfied?"

Hahahaha! No you are too delusional. BW chasing WM since slavery?
Mhen, you are out of it.
When was the last time BM stood up for a BW in trouble? Frimong is innocent, BW just don't have much fight left in them to stand up for him since doing so for those before them has yielded nothing but contempt. Luckily he has many White Well wishers and I am sure they will get him out. Just like that Georgia guy with a similar case who was profiled on Oprah, he will be out before his scheduled time. I just don't think it my place to march for him.

His interests are clearly not with the BC or Africa where he is from. Justice is meant for all and in the end I believe he will be freed, just not by my energies.

Unknown said...

"You can catch a bm with more sweetness and sugar than being cruel like ab."

And who told you I was interested in catching a BM?

"i wonder how "sweet" the fatal gold digging wf mistress of the corpse mcnair was?"

Being seen with a White woman on his arm is sweet enough for most BM.

alicia banks said...

amen grata!


i am sick and tired of men who have done nothing for us during slavery or since demanding that we sacrifice all for them...why?

african kings to not beg black women to behave...only court jesters do that as perps!

too bad ojs never listen
but
abbey lincoln said it best

“We are the women whose bars and recreation halls are invaded by flagrantly disrespectful, bigoted, simpering, amoral, emotionally unstable, outcast, maladjusted, nyphomaniacal, condescending white women...in desperate and untiring search of the “frothing-at-the-mouth-for-a white-woman, strong backed, sixty-minute hot black”.... We are the women who, upon protesting this invasion of our privacy and sanctity and sanity, are called “jealous”, and “evil”, and “small-minded”, and “prejudiced”...

When a white man “likes colored girls”, his woman (the white woman) is the last one he wants to know about it. Yet, seemingly, when a Negro “likes white girls”, his woman (the Black woman) is the first he wants to know about it. White female rejects and social misfits are flagrantly flaunted in our faces as the ultimate in feminine pulchritude. Our women are encouraged by our own men to strive to look and act as much like the white female image as possible, and only those who approach that “goal” in physical appearance and social behavior are acceptable. At best, we are made to feel that we are poor imitations and excuses for white women.

Evil? Evil, you say? The Black woman is hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, resentful, frightened, and evil! Who in this hell dares suggest that she should be otherwise? These attitudes only point up her perception of the situation and her healthy rejection of the same.”

Anonymous said...

"When was the last time BM stood up for a BW in trouble?"

They do it all of the time. Obama stands up for his wife. Powell stands up for his wife. Many men stand up for their women. Some have even killed for them.

What about Maria's husband standing up for her against Em?

I could give you a long list, but you just don't want to hear it. You want to crucify all bm.

Dr. Nuwang said...

Anonymous said...
Now here's another one who wants to convict all black men. I feel sorry for your husband. Oh wait. He's White, isn't he? FYI: OJ was found innocent. Did you study that?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now, I'm a darkskinned janitor married to a white man??? Wowza!!

So what's your issue, small penis, short, or both? Yeah, I'd avoid sista's if I were you too!

alicia banks said...

not to mention that he is assuming i do not catch bm

i have to beat men and women of daily

with a big lesbian stick!

smile

alicia banks said...

we are not talking about the men u listed

obama et al are not like oj and mcnair sexually

fyi

Anonymous said...

Grata-"And who told you I was interested in catching a BM?"

You see. There you go again ruining your chances with BM.

Dr. Nuwang said...

Anonymous said...
"When was the last time BM stood up for a BW in trouble?"

They do it all of the time. Obama stands up for his wife. Powell stands up for his wife. Many men stand up for their women. Some have even killed for them.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.

The post said a BM standing up for a BW in trouble. When has Mrs. O or Mrs. Powell been in trouble dumb ass?

Dr. Nuwang said...

alicia banks said...
not to mention that he is assuming i do not catch bm
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Catching a BM is NO big deal for any BW who carries herself well. Catching one worth keeping, now THAT is another story, LOL!!!

alicia banks said...

ditto fly!

ps:

i bet ms mcnair wishes she had wed an obama now...mfl or not

anon:

fyi

meshell is a lesbian

meshell was not trying to catch a bm NOR was she speaking of bm who love bw when she penned this:

Meshell Ndegeocello powerfully conveyed this very same rage in her classic rebel tune entitled “Soul on Ice” from her debut CD Plantation Lullaby ( 1993):

"We've been indoctrinated and convinced by the white racist standard of beauty

The overwhelming popularity of seeing, better off being, and looking white

My brothers attempt to defy the white man's law and his system of values

Defile his white women....

Visions of her virginal white beauty Dancin' in your head

Your soul's on ice

Illusions of her virginal white beauty dancin’ in your head

You let my sisters go by

Brother brother brother

Are you suffering from a social infection/mis-direction

Excuse me, does your white woman go better with your Brooks Brothers suit?...

Used to be customary to bow one's eyes at the sight of a white face

conks and fade creams

sad passion

deferred dreams

I am a reflection of you

Black and blue

pure as the tears of coal-colored children

crying for acceptance

You can't run from yourself

She's just an illusion...

Black love anthems play behind white-skinned affection ...

But you no longer burn for the motherland brown skin

You want blond-haired, blue-eyed soul

Snow White passion without the hot comb

Is that open-minded love thing an equality thing?

Take a look in the mirror

You don’t love yourself..."

Dr. Nuwang said...

Anonymous said...
Granted, she lost her mind. But what makes you so sure that she was a gold digger?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do NOT reproduce!!!! We have enough idiots running around here already!!!

Anonymous said...

Fly-"So what's your issue, small penis, short, or both? Yeah, I'd avoid sista's if I were you too!"

I don't know anything about where you work. I trust you are who you say you are. But you love to esmasculate and put down BM. Your hatred runs deep. What happened? Did someone hurt you?

alicia banks said...

see another classic film on bm who are ideal and bm who hate bfs

"sankofa"

The most despised and pathetic character in Sankofa is a mulatto overseer named Joe. He is devoutly religious, adores his masters and hates Black women. Joe lives on...in the spirits of O. J. Simpson, Dennis Rodman, Clarence Thomas, Ken Hamblin, Cyrus on MTV’s “The Real World”, Ezola Foster, Courtney Mann, Star Parker, Johnnie Cochran, Larry Elder, Armstrong Williams, Shelby Steele, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and many more.

http://www.geocities.com/ambwww/WHITE-SUPREMACY.htm

Dr. Nuwang said...

Anonymous said...
I don't know anything about where you work. I trust you are who you say you are. But you love to esmasculate and put down BM. Your hatred runs deep. What happened? Did someone hurt you?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Anyone who's ever been in love has been hurt at some point, so what's your point? I'm in love now so apparently I eventually got it right!

MY point is that you reap what you sow. Lie down with dogs, and get up with fleas.......or end up dead!

Anonymous said...

Fly-"Anyone who's ever been in love has been hurt at some point, so what's your point? I'm in love now so apparently I eventually got it right!"

My point is that you have attacked me and called me a bunch of names. With all of that ill-will spewing onto this thread, you sound like a very hurt woman. Are you?

Anonymous said...

Dear ab,

I hope you will find that Obama is a great President and you will be happy that you voted for him.

alicia banks said...

anon

thanks

i hoped so too once...

that hope dies daily

and as a second swindleus looms

the next death may be final

La♥audiobooks said...

"Grata and La. You can catch a bm with more sweetness and sugar than being cruel like ab."

So now I'm manless. Anony, anyone can catch a black man, and with anything. Apparently.

But so now, in order to 'catch' a black man (if one is so inclined) a black woman would need to have sweetness and sugar, whereas a white woman just needs to have.. skin. Ok.


Anony 8:18pm, talk about flipping the script. You sound like the classic text book case. Black men like you do what you do best on the mark. You spew that rhetorical nonsense, and act as if you're dong black women a favor. I bet you blame the Boogie man for your prison wrap too.

"Been too busy? You have been busy chasing the white man since slavery."

Liar. With that "70%" single stat, maybe black women really should. Everyone knows black men like you are praying to every God hoping black women don't date out. You won't be able to bear not having all those single black women to your disposal. Especially after you get released on parole for raping a white woman. In fact, you sound way too delusional with your self victimization to even argue with. Next.


Grata, I was thinking about the set up scenario, but the evidence is all pointing her way, and she does look bat shit crazy if you ask me.


AB, girl, what is it with you and Obama? LOL

alicia banks said...

li:

obama betrayed me worse than mj

it goes deep

mj was my religion as a boy...
then he became a swf vampire with kids

and obama was supposed to be my savior from gwb...
then he became gwb 2.0

at least i am not on valium yet...until the 2nd swindleus pkg
passes

i also work in rural ar

i see horrid poverty daily
black poverty
with no stimulus no where near!
where 100% voted for obama
as he aids rich whites only

shame!!!

Dr. Nuwang said...

Anonymous said...
My point is that you have attacked me and called me a bunch of names. With all of that ill-will spewing onto this thread, you sound like a very hurt woman. Are you?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Hell yeah, I'm deeply "hurt" that the cream of the crop BM waste their prime years ho'ing when they could building weath and families with BW. I'm "hurt" that yet brotha had to get his brains blown out to realize that cheating on your wife with a teenager is a dumb ass idea. I'm "hurt" that BM call BW bitches and ho's and no one even, especially BM, even blinks an eye.

But I'm realizing thanks in large part to Mr. McNair's violent death and quite frankly to my sista's comments' in this thread, some of whom are holding Black families down to the best of their abilities, that my being "hurt" about the actions of BM is a complete wast of my time.

Dr. Nuwang said...

La♥Incognita said...
So now I'm manless. Anony, anyone can catch a black man, and with anything. Apparently.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Oh my dam! This is too funny, ROTFLMBAO!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Nuwang said...

FYI, if the chick found with McNair had been Black, it would have been murder/suicide from the jump!

La♥audiobooks said...

For the record, I don't get hurt over black men dating outside their race.

I just wish for more black women to be in loving relationships/marriages, even if it's interracial. I too would like to see 'equality' and 'happiness' for black women, not just for black men and black men alone.

Anonymous said...

La-"Everyone knows black men like you are praying to every God hoping black women don't date out. You won't be able to bear not having all those single black women to your disposal. Especially after you get released on parole for raping a white woman."

You are wrong. I pray for every black woman to be happy and be with whomever will make her life fulfilling, whether he is Black, Brown or White.

As for me, I can only handle one woman at a time. I don't want or need more than one. Any more than that would mean that I would have to be calculating and deceitful. That's not fun. It complicates life and I prefer my life simple and straightforward with one woman to share my life with.

As far as prison or parole, I have no idea what that kind of life is like. A parking ticket or two per year has been it for me.

But I think I understand where you are coming from. I am sorry for that and I hope things get better for you. Relationships are not so easy. They can be very much like the phrase, "water seeks its own level." If you throw out anger, blame and insults you get the kind of man that mirrors who you are. If you are desperate, you get a desperate partner. Whomever is in your life is a mirror of you inside of you. life tends to work that way. If you want to settle down with a good responsible man, then you need to be the kind of settled woman to attract that kind of man.

I have nothing but good will for you and hope your dreams come true. I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

Fly-"Hell yeah, I'm deeply "hurt" that the cream of the crop BM waste their prime years ho'ing when they could building weath and families with BW."

Not all BM are being unfaithful. Many BM and BW have families and are doing very well. Obviously, that has not been your experience. Is that what's happening to you?

Anonymous said...

La-"But so now, in order to 'catch' a black man (if one is so inclined) a black woman would need to have sweetness and sugar, whereas a white woman just needs to have.. skin. Ok."

La, you keep adding to your unhappiness through negative thinking. That will make your miserable. Why do you think a WW only needs skin to attract a BM? It takes more than that. FYI, there are Black and White couples who care deeply for each other and it's not due to skin. That is, they love and respect one another and they fulfill each other's lives. NO ONE wants to be in a miserable relationship. Only desperate people and love addicts accustomed to high drama and chaotic relationships will do that.

Try being kind and loving but don't be a fool. Avoid being mean-spirited, foul mouthed, and hard to get along with. That will only drive away the kind of man you are trying to attract.

Anonymous said...

ab-"there are many blacks NOW fighting for his freedom post trial 2"

ab, prove it.

focusedpurpose said...

AB-

there have been studies conducted to learn, know, and use the fact that bfolks will tolerate most any intolerable thing as long as it is bfolks doing it. THIS is why the faces conveying racist messages needed to change. the message has NOT changed. NOW, folks get to tell us it is self-inflicted. and it is.

Anonymous, it seems that you have been raised by women alone. you are demonstrating fatherless traits. stop it. please. MEN don't devote a lot of time to taunting WOMEN with silliness. at the very least add something of substance or hold your peace. the bw have been "chasing" wm...priceless. lol! really now?

Grata, you had me rolling. thank you for your courage to stand without apology on what anyone that sees clearly, would have to acknowledge as the truth.

the audacity that anyone would expect bw to stand and fight for bm that have no use for them unless they are in trouble, demonstrate a FLAGRANT disregard for reciprocity, and in quite a few cases heap ridicule and disrespect on our heads is insane. it is my sincerest prayer that more bw will get and circulate the memo. it is LONG overdue.

...this is where folks may want to put away their sacred cows...

MLK and ww. lol! are ya'll serious? as i said before, a little thing like marriage won't stop white skin worship. he and other black is beautiful, kente cloth wearing "freedom fighters" were GOOD examples of this truth.

i don't feel sorry for scuffing/denting sacred cows by telling the truth. not.one.small.bit. more folks ought to try it. in fact, before MLK was "chosen" to be the voice calling for integration, while in college, had it NOT been for Sr. King he would have more than likely risked life and limb for a ww---like bm STILL do today. don't take my word for it...go look it up for yourself. he "settled" for a bw who he humiliated consistently with his flagrant womanizing.

and yes...we were integrated into a burning building as MLK feared. and yes, despite the ability to boink the rainbow that quite a few bm, single AND married are enjoying today, little other progress has been made by bm for bw, bchildren, and the bcommunity. in fact, as a people, we are retrogressing, with our children faring better under jim crow. i know, i know, the party line is that bw, wm and everything ELSE is to blame. i will NOT tow the line. i.am.not.sorry.

yep, prop up your own manhood. bw doing that before constituted a shame on you for quite a few bm. to continue to do so NOW after non stop overwhelming evidence constitutes a shame on me for any bw that continues down such a self defeating, counter-productive, non reciprocal path.

warning: this might hurt.

no one is really trying to "catch" bm except for the jaws of the judicial system and most oblige the beast every time, hence this post. despite what you hear, read, and see on t.v. quite a few bw are single by choice. lol!

furthermore, you may consider that one will catch truth seekers by telling the truth. so far based on your comments, truth's not in you, or if it is, you lack the courage to tell it.

for what it is worth to you.

FN, thanks for allowing me to share. i have been anon for a minute. i decided to take a moment and log in:-)

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Anonymous said...

Focusedpurpose-"Anonymous, it seems that you have been raised by women alone. you are demonstrating fatherless traits."

I don't know how you came to that conclusion, but you are wrong. I myself continue to enjoy being a father. I had a wonderful father's day a few weeks ago. My own father is a wonderful man I respect and love. Maybe your judgment of me is your own fatherless projections on to me?

"the bw have been "chasing" wm...priceless. lol! really now?"

I see black women and white men together every day. In case you didn't know marriage between bw and wm continue to increase every year. Interracial marriages are on the rise and probably won’t stop. People no longer confine themselves to their race. And it’s a good thing considering there are women such as yourself who can’t stand bm.

"the audacity that anyone would expect bw to stand and fight for bm that have no use for them unless they are in trouble, demonstrate a FLAGRANT disregard for reciprocity, and in quite a few cases heap ridicule and disrespect on our heads is insane. it is my sincerest prayer that more bw will get and circulate the memo. it is LONG overdue."

I don’t know any black men who claim to have no use for bw unless they are in trouble. Maybe a bm has said that to YOU, or that has been YOUR experience. However, there are many black men and black women who love and support each other, and are living out their lives together.

Your resentment toward bm will get you nowhere except prevent you from having a good relationship with a bm. But Go ahead. Declare war, and blame bm for your misery. What do you expect to get from it? I doubt if you or Grata will grow and benefit from it. And I doubt that you both will become better ‘women’ by bashing black men.

There are many good bm and bw with families who work, support and honor each other. McNair made an irreversible mistake. For you to assume that all black men are the same is ridiculous. It will get you nowhere.

Anonymous said...

focusepurpose-"furthermore, you may consider that one will catch truth seekers by telling the truth. so far based on your comments, truth's not in you, or if it is, you lack the courage to tell it.

for what it is worth to you."

What is the truth that I don't have in me, or afraid to say? Please explain it to me.

focusedpurpose said...

hi Anon-

i am not sure if you are truly just missing the point or are trying to miss the point while playing the nut role. (thanks Khadija:-)

however, understanding and embracing the truth that patience is the companion of wisdom, i will allow you to be used as a catalyst for my further growth in patience.

before i entertain that though, let me first note that certain types of bm seem to have and read from a script. you are on page. congrats! the boys must be SO proud.

clarification:

when males spend time wanting to taunt and bicker with women, it does not read as "man" behavior. if you are the same anon with the white is 2am baking cookies message...BW chasing WM (while REFUSING to acknowledge the very real white and other woman worship great numbers of bm suffer from---for the LONGEST time now)...and the rest of the baseless silliness, no, i am not projecting...i am simply calling it out. it takes courage to live. if you have the courage to do it, i have the courage to call it out. there are other bw/bg that know something is wrong, they just can't call what it is.

as far as i am concerned, it is IMPERATIVE that we be able to call what we are seeing in addition to alert other bw/bgs to it, and most importantly ACT according to what is and what will be in our best interests. our very SURVIVAL necessitates this course of action.

when you stop focusing so hard on bm and their victimhood (which is what the script calls ANY truth), maybe you could take a peek at the conditions of most bw, bchildren and the so-called bcommunity. i firmly believe that heaven and hell exist here on earth and quite a few bw/bg are NOT getting any heaven. i also see bb and bm suffering. bm are JUST as indifferent to their suffering as they are to the women and children. maybe other bm could take a moment and address this fact. however, it seems when bm have free time they are suddenly "color blind". i cannot afford to be distracted though. i am focused and purposeful as it relates to bw/bg. i am healthy like that. i REFUSE to shoulder men's responsibilities. i.am.not.sorry.

men that behave like women typically have only spent time around women. it is already bad now, when the 70% come of age...geesh. as a direct result of this, most bm behave like women. however, we treat their feelings like we should treat our little girls' feelings, but we don't. we treat little bgs like men, and grown men like little girls and wonder why we are collapsing under the dysfunction of it all. which by the way, the foolish negro in this post REALLY made me want to quote quite a few negroes when the sylvester the molestor kelly verdict came out, "well, justice has run its course."

for the record, i grew up with a father-figure in my life. my entire life. thanks for your concern though. also know that i LOVE bMEN and men in general. maleboys not so much---all colors, as they make me tired. i am NOT interested in raising other folks' children. when that becomes an interest, i.will.adopt. as i teach my son, when one accepts excuses that is ALL one will get. look at the so called bcommunity and tell me i am lying. there is an excuse for everything, although the all time favorites seem to be wm and bw. as of late, it seems it is most fashionable to blame bw.

focusedpurpose said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
focusedpurpose said...

now let me attempt to make this plain. there.are.decent.bm. however, they are also VERY quiet when it is time to regulate. tell me you have noticed this? no? wm, not so much. david letterman is a comedian. when he "jokes" denigrating ww, what do the other wm do? regulate with the quickness. decent bm have to ponder what is right. their WIVES have to urge them not to act like McNair was anything other than wrong. i don't have time to run down all the many examples. look. see. i love bm enough to tell.the.truth. folks that love you will tell you the truth. folks that don't give a flip about you will sit there and enable you as you as you destroy yourself and all others that unwittingly stay too close to you.

yes. i am WELL aware that bw in greater numbers have gotten the memo and are no longer on pause waiting for a "bm only". more bw are refusing to "help a brotha out" (which REALLY means do his job in addition to yours in most instances) and choose instead to exercise their options, like "brothers" do. more and more bw are refusing to be reminded of slave rape and why they should be race women while "brothers" have long since chosen to forgive and forget castration and all the other many ways they suffered behind the notion of ww contact. and it really only took a notion. lol!

bw, just as bm have DEMONSTRATED long ago are in greater numbers understanding the importance of divestment.

point of agreement:

"Interracial marriages are on the rise and probably won’t stop."

i agree. bw are just now starting to warm up to the thought of opening their options. it mos def won't stop. however, this time around, bw FULLY get to choose. lol! and since one just needs ONE black parent in order to have bchildren, as evidenced by the non stop parade of non bw's children as the epitome of blackness, why NOT purposefully vet and select mates that will ALSO provide for and protect that woman and her children?

nevertheless, thanks for your heads up as it relates to bw/wm couples:-)

why do i say the truth isn't in you or you lack the courage to tell it?

ok, this is a triple portion of patience you are helping me to achieve. thank you.

no one has ever TOLD me that they did not need/value bw until they were in trouble, needed something, or wanted something. however, many have SHOWN me that they share this belief. and these are not folks i know personally. history and today is jam packed with folks DEMONSTRATING this truth. take a stroll someday through history and take a peek if you dare. then look around you. call what you see if you if you have the courage.

maybe no one ever shared this tidbit of wisdom with you, in patience i share it now:

if you REALLY want to know how a person thinks or feels, WATCH.WHAT.THEY.DO. pay less attention to what they SAY.

that is as simple as i can make it for you Anon. i pray time finds you standing in the light of understanding. we don't have to agree. i am NOT trying to change your mind. in fact, it was an exercise in patience to even respond. i would rather speak to bw/bg. you are neither my man nor my child,therefore, teaching you is not a priority for me. i say this with all due respect.

thank you for being respectful in your exchange.

blessings in abundance to you.

focusedpurpose



sorry for the double post. the comments went crazy on me.

:-)

alicia banks said...

ditto fp
thanks

each day i become more convinced that obama is the jim jones of black america

if he actually gave cyanide to blacks, they would run to spike their current koolaid!

shame

he is set to exclusively pay the megarich yet again
and poor hungry homeless jobless blacks are still cheerleading him on as he does so...

i am shocked and appalled!
perpetually so...

Anonymous said...

focusedpurpose-"i would rather speak to bw/bg. you are neither my man nor my child,therefore, teaching you is not a priority for me. i say this with all due respect."

I wasn't asking you to be my teacher, mother or woman. That never entered my mind. You say that you would rather talk to bw/bgs. Then why bother to post on my comments?

In any case, I gather it has been a long painful lesson in "patience" for you to talk to me. That is not good. Obviously you need someone more challenging to talk to. Hence, I won't bother you again.

Thanks for your patience...Peace.

focusedpurpose said...

LOL @ Anon. of all that was written you could only seize and twist THOSE words?

ok, playing the nut role while on script. and yes, i prefer to dialogue with those that are more enlightened, honest, courageous and operating in good faith. i bid you a peaceful journey. LOL!!!

AB, you seem to be making yourself hoarse trying to get folks to watch behavior. life is about choices. if it is making you feel a part of the solution, by all means knock yourself out. if it is making you feel in any way bad, i would suggest you cease and desist.

everyone is not meant to be saved. everyone will not be saved. most are walking dead already.

i have before his O-ness entered office been sounding the alarm. The folks over at Black Agenda Report have been sounding the alarm. many others have been withstanding the the rabid O supporters to speak truth. i believe in counting costs. IF black folks cannot figure out that Dempublicans are flip sides of the same coin, at THIS point, WHY would i fret over it? there has been enough information along the way...

...if bfolks just took a moment to follow the money trail...how would we not see that the folks that brought his O-ness also brought us McCain? those not bought by this source were ROUTINELY ignored and UNfeatured on t.v. and you KNOW if is isn't on t.v. it is NOT real. lol!

so, instead, i have chosen to focus on the upside, eternally grateful that there is always one.

i understand the power of images. i accept that he who controls the images controls the men and women. the upside is that Michelle O is a black black woman. now before my whiter/lighter/bi racial sistas get worked up, let me say, i believe ALL black is beautiful.

however, it is the black black woman, who births the much sought after, for persecution and pleasure black black man, that is routinely erased, ignored, de-feminized, de-graded, de-beautified and de-humanized. it seems folks are happy to talk about ALL the colors black folks come in, while ignoring to death, black black women from which ALL those colors spring. so, without apology, i am happy to seek a sleek, educated, gracious, classy, articulate, wife, mother, black black FIRST lady. THAT is the upside for me of Obama for potus.

i have posted at length, along the way about EXACTLY what we are seeing, those of us that UNDERSTAND what we are seeing. AB, why are you so worked up about him buckdancing for the rich? did you not know/expect that THIS would be the outcome? i mean, america is NOT the home of the free nor brave. there is MOST DEFINITELY NOT liberty and justice for all. it is only fitting that a nation will return to its roots. let me put that another way, how you start is how you finish. america was built and enriched on slavery. america will collapse, unless the descendants of those enslaved and the enslavers summon the courage to be brave enough to look at ourselves, tell and act on the truth. only then will there be liberty and justice in this nation.

focusedpurpose said...

so...all things being related. MLK realized, if you read and listen to what was written and said, that he was integrating bfolks into a system that was doomed for failure. (and killing the infrastructure of bfolks. integration has made us so "color blind" which simply means we can't see each other! the pic on the side bar of FN reading to the little non blk kid is a classic example of this. which child is the most starved and in need of bm attention and support? if you guessed little bkids...well...you'd be right. but alas, we are "colorblind" when it comes to these things.

our collective refusal to clue up is demonstrated when we whine about other nations excluding us from the communities that they have built by for themselves, yet we are quick to tell EACH OTHER that each should get their own. lol! the lunacy makes me laugh. it keeps my from crying.)

back to Dr. King, it was only when he switched gears and attempted to unite POOR people that he had to go. i mean, oh snap! can you imagine if all the slaves, black, brown, red, yellow, and white were to realize that america was a big plantation and that the ruling 1% were in the big house living it up while we fight over scraps, divided by the isms...if americans stopped dining on lies and calling it "tradition" and just readily admitted that america is a PLUTOCRACY ...this is why MLK joined the ranks of those that will DO things to upset the status quo POST HASTE. this is also why i ask WHY you are so upset by O's predictable entertain and work for the elite's best interest buckdance.

when more americans get the skinny on the fed, they will better understand what is happening. it was predicted by the original enslavers, aka "founding fathers" of this nation. those that fought against it the hardest are now mocked by having their photos on the federal reserve notes.

i felt sickened as THE WORLD rejoiced when the black-ish O was elected. it is wicked genius that has a black-ish face move forward the agenda for the new world order and one world government, aka the fulfillment of the manifest destiny.

lol! i give props where they are due. that ish is wicked GENIUS!

ok, before i peace out, links. i am truly appreciative of your links that you post. it is time consuming to pull just the right one(s). so thank you again for taking the time when you post them. i recognize it to be a labor of love sis.

http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/2008/03/know-yourself.html




http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/2008/03/know-your-enemy.html

http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/2008/03/poverty-of-philosophy.html

http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/2008/05/truth-as-i-see-iti-am-not-sorry.html

http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/2008/03/talking-out-of-both-sides-of-mouthan.html

http://focusedpurpose.blogspot.com/2008/09/let-all-that-have-earhear.html

AB- it was in this post (the last link posted) that i urged Khadija as i urge you now to understand...quite a few folks prefer lies to truth. save yourself, those you love (if you can) and your energy. life is too short.

blessings,
focusedpurpose

Unknown said...

Amen Amen AB!
Aluta Continua.....



"Grata-"And who told you I was interested in catching a BM?"

You see. There you go again ruining your chances with BM."

Oh, in that case then I need to wear a big sign to really keep them away.
There are more than enough men where I m from to settle for scraps.

Unknown said...

"Grata, I was thinking about the set up scenario, but the evidence is all pointing her way, and she does look bat shit crazy if you ask me."

It could be the kneejerk reaction of the Police protecting the WW's image. the idea of a WW going crazy over a BM does not sit down well with their egos so they are digging for an alternativce explanation.

Unknown said...

"just wish for more black women to be in loving relationships/marriages, even if it's interracial. I too would like to see 'equality' and 'happiness' for black women, not just for black men and black men alone."

La,

Exactly. The struggle for equality seems tobe only fpor the BM. And that needs to be stopped. If you want to see the real attitudes towards both genders by society and the BC. Look closely ar the Riihanna and Chris case. There was alot more sympathy for Chris that the victim herself. That is where we are. This nonsense needs to stop.

Unknown said...

"Why do you think a WW only needs skin to attract a BM? It takes more than that. FYI, there are Black and White couples who care deeply for each other and it's not due to skin. That is, they love and respect one another and they fulfill each other's lives. NO ONE wants to be in a miserable relationship."

If you seek for validation of your humanity from a white woman, its in your interest to take extreme care of her and in her interest to look after you since no man of her own race could ever "take such care" of her. Ofcourse these couples do care for each deeply albeit for sick reasons. Not that there are no genuine couples grounded in Love, I haven't so far met a single one.


"the audacity that anyone would expect bw to stand and fight for bm that have no use for them unless they are in trouble, demonstrate a FLAGRANT disregard for reciprocity, and in quite a few cases heap ridicule and disrespect on our heads is insane. it is my sincerest prayer that more bw will get and circulate the memo. it is LONG overdue."

Focusedpurpose,

This crap is unbelievable. They call it, "fighting for human Justice"! Who fights for the Black Woman and child's Justice. How many Black Children are missing?Dunbar Village didn't wake folks up.
Black Women and Children are on their own in this society.
Those athletes think they can throw money at charities and show up for a photo opp. while loading relief aid onto trailers and think its enough giving back.

Where I am from, if a man does not return to his village, build a house there and take care of his relatives, when he dies, they will bury him but in mute without much ceremony. And that becomes his legacy. He never did anything for us so why do we have to celebrate his life.
Black America needs to apply some sort of standard on what is expected of Black men so when they get their asses caught in the system, which is a guarantee like taxes, the support for them is deserved. Short of that, they should be left to the system to sort them out just like Black women and Children have to fend for themselves.

alicia banks said...

fp:

i adore you & your posts
thanks!

ie

like huey said:
"to die for the people...revolutionary suicide...the people will break your heart"

your posts always make me want to pull out my panther dvds!
smile

i am waiting for the day that ALL blacks wake on on obama
as swindleus II looms

no lies live forever
not even those told by nazis

http://www.alternet.org/workplace/140943/foreclosure_fiasco_continues:_the_bush-obama_strategy_of_throwing_billions_at_banks_doesn%27t_work/

Anonymous said...

Grata-"Where I am from, if a man does not return to his village, build a house there and take care of his relatives, when he dies, they will bury him but in mute without much ceremony."

Dear Grata, that is a beautiful philosophy based on selflessness and having roots. I assume you know Black Americans have no roots and that America is an 'individualized' society?

Black Americans have much to sort out--maybe too much--including a tenuous connection between 'some' bm and bw. The Black Community is a divided community. The fact that some bw and bm are at odds on this blog proves it.

I doubt that Black Americans will ever reach the level of togetherness as in the country and village you KNOW you are from. It just won't happen. IMO, there are too many internalized menacing forces against us. Despite that, many Blacks are doing very well.

Anonymous said...

AB-"no lies live forever
not even those told by nazis"

True. But some lies can live for a long time. They certainly are faster than truth. A lie can get half-way around the world before truth even gets its pants on.

Unknown said...

"Dear Grata, that is a beautiful philosophy based on selflessness and having roots. I assume you know Black Americans have no roots and that America is an 'individualized' society? "

Point taken,but when a high profile Black male needs Black support, somehow miraculously the community pulls together to back him up. This is my point. The BC will snap back into a unit to support the likes of OJ and Obama but won't do the same for Black women and children. That is why it is important that BW esp. start to ration their support for these Black men. If it is an individualistic society, then BW seem not to have received that message.

Anonymous said...

"The BC will snap back into a unit to support the likes of OJ and Obama but won't do the same for Black women and children."

That is not necessarily true. OJ is in prison and Blacks never really cared about him. They cared about how the BC had received injustices for centuries. OJ was symbolic of that but it could have been anyone in that role, including a bw.

The BC have supported many high profile bw throughout history, including those celebrities who married wm. But I have learned that nothing I can say is going to change your mind about bm. And I hope you get the political clout that you want for bw. Maybe then the changes you want will happen.

Unknown said...

"The BC have supported many high profile bw throughout history, including those celebrities who married wm."

Numbers and names would be helpful. And also comparisons to men in similar situations.

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