Saturday, September 30, 2006

Republicans Go After The Youth Vote!

"We want to make sure that all our pages are safe and the page system is safe"

So says Dennis Hastert R-Ill, and Speaker of the House of Representatives. Now why would the Speaker have to make such a statement? Well, I will tell you why. It seems one of his troops, Mark Foley, R-Fl., had some rather interesting e-mail exchanges with a sixteen year old boy who also happens to be a page on the hill.

Here is a sampling: "Do I make you a little horney?" and "You in your boxers too?....well, strip down and get relaxed" Geez, where is Nancy Grace when you need her? Yep folks this is some sickening stuff from one of our elected Representatives, but it gets worse.

For instance, as it turns out, the rethuglicans seem to have known about my man Mark and his penchant for young boys for some time. According to Rodney Alexander R-La., he was told by the boy's parents not to pursue the matter. But he admitted to telling Representative Thomas Reynolds R-NY, who happens to be chairman of the Republican Campaign Organization. Now of course, Reynolds isn't talking, but John Shimkus, R-Ill, who by the way, is Chairman of the Page Board-is every one in Washington a Chairman of something?- said he spoke to Foley, and Foley lied to him when he told him that he was only mentoring the boy. Shimkus, by the way, has admitted to knowing about this since 2005. And as it is becoming more and more apparent, so did Speaker Hastert.

So my question is this: Are these the same zealots who went after blow job Bill with all the passion and righteous indignation reserved for only the most fanatical among us? The question is a rhetorical one. Of course they are, and these dirty rotten scoundrels, who are supposed to be our leaders, have no shame. You will see them all on T.V. now of course, acting like the police inspector from Casablanca; "shocked, shocked, that these types of things are going on". But we know better. At least most of us do. We know what a bunch of low lifes inhabit Washington right about now, and just how slimy and slick they all really are. -Where is Cynthia McKinney when you need her? We could use her cell phone smack down right about now on her former colleague,the aforementioned Mr. Foley-

But how is this for irony? This guy, Mark Foley, was the Chairman-yep another one- of the Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus, and he actually introduced legislation to protect children from Internet predators. -Do as I say not as I do- You couldn't make this stuff up folks. Now the rethuglicans are scrambling to find another candidate in Florida, and they are in complete spin and talking points mode as well. "We were shocked to hear of this type behavior, and it will not be tolerated, it is regrettable....blah blah blah. Yeah right, until you got outed by ABC news, and Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington -Thank God there are still real journalist in this country. I mean did you really think you would have heard this on FAUX ENTERTAINMENT?- it was business as usual and no one would have been the wiser, but those in your little.... ah ah am ah am, boys club.

So Mother's, do not send your young son's to Washington. They are not safe from the very people who are supposed to protect them. Monica was an adult, and she was quite capable of making decisions on her own. If she wanted to give the leader of the free world a BJ, that was on her, and the leader of the free world. No harm no foul as far as the field is concerned, as long as he did his damn job. Which is more than I can say about a certain frat boy right about now. But I digress.

Anyway, I hope Nancy Pelosi follows up and demands a full investigation. I know the rethuglicans can be slick, (See how they engineered a vote to allow the ethics panel to decide whether there should even be an investigation) but it's election season for crying out loud, and you should be trying to score political points with this one. And please, I don't want to hear about scoring cheep political points with such a sensitive subject. Score em; hell, rethuglicans use a war to score points -"cut and run"- and what can be more serious than the loss of someones life?

So here is hoping that the slime ball Foley, and all his hypocritical rethuglican friends get voted out of office. Our children are not safe as long as they are around. As if it's not enough that you send them off to die at eighteen, but now you want to corrupt them at sixteen too?

"I am deeply sorry, and I apologize for letting down my family and the people of Florida"

Translated: ~ I am sorry to my rethuglican friends for possibly causing us to lose the house in these upcoming elections. And why didn't that damn page just hit the delete button? ~

Thursday, September 28, 2006

What's That Smell?

Excuse me America but someone just farted. I can smell it, and I am sure you can too. But like all decent people do when they are in the company of strangers, I am sure you are pretending you don't. But how can you not smell it, it's so strong, and stink. The thing is, whoever did it, let go with one of those silent ones, the real killers, the real stink bombs!

Why is every one still talking and pretending there is no stench in the air? Am I the only one with a sense of smell? I mean come on, I know my nose is bigger than that of everyone else but surely we all can smell can't we? Well I am going to say it right now; it wasn't me. Whenever I want to fart, I excuse myself from America's living room, because I know that nobody likes that smell. Yep, I only fart around friends, people who I know and trust. People I can laugh about it with, and can just blurt it out, instead of having to squeeze off one of those silent ones.

But someone among us has no sense of etiquette or how our culture works. I think it's that pesky "Past" guy, he is always doing things like farting and smelling up our living room. Someone ought to tell him that it's not polite to fart in public like that, and especially among strangers. Here in America we like to keep our living room clean and smelling really nice. After all, we want our guests to be able to come into our home and say what a nice place we have. We want them to leave and go back to their homes and say things like: Boy I wish my home was like America. Clean, fresh smelling, and all the family members get along so well.

But every now and then, that "Past" that, ah ahm, "black sheep" in our family forgets about how he should behave. And he does something like this; he farts. Now he has farted in the middle of an important time in America; election season. A time when we are going to choose the people to go out and buy the furniture for our living room, and decide how we will spend our money to keep our wonderful house-if you will- going. These people are important, and we are trying to elect them, and "Past" is smelling up the room with his nasty "N" word farts. Those are the worst kind too, because they really really stink, and they make every one want to leave the room. Because, let's face it, no one wants others in the room thinking it's them.

I know what we have to do, we have to throw "Past" out of our house, or at least keep him out of the living room. That way he can't go stinking up the joint with his farts. I mean decent people just don't do that type of stuff. But not "Past" he has no shame, and no sense of what we are trying to achieve here.

Sometimes we all wish "Past" wasn't even here, that he wasn't a family member and we didn't have to deal with him at all. But what are we going to do? He is, after all, family. And we are stuck with the guy. We just have to get him under control that's all; and teach him how to behave in the living room. He makes it just way too embarrassing for too many people.

So "Past" I am calling you out, because I don't want the people in the house looking at the field like I need a bath or something. It was you "Past", and I want every one to know it. Anyway,the next time you decide to stink up our beautiful home, you better think twice, or we are going to put you right down there in the basement with "History" and the rest of those rebellious kids. You got it?

Now will someone please pass the air freshener? I think "Past" did it again!

Monday, September 25, 2006

NIgger Coming Home To Roost.

Well folks it seems my "macaca" friend is in the news again. You remember him don't you? He called an Indian American staffer of his opponent, S.R. Sidarth, a "macaca" or monkey. Yeah that guy. Well this time, a former teammate at UVA outed him about racial slurs he made about us black folks while he was the QB no less for those "Wahoos".

Anyway, this isn't just some normal outing. The man that did the outing is a former teammate and friend who played wide receiver on the same team with George Allen,-damn those wide receivers-and is now a practicing physician, and apparently a pillar of his community down in North Carolina.

Now of course George Allen according to the AP has "vehemently denied" these charges, and he calls them"ludicrously false". He has even had five former teammates come out to support him. -Like what else did you expect? They were going to come out and say, yeah we got together and called those black folks niggers all the time. Heck, they have reputations to protect too - Yeah sure you didn't George, and do you really expect any normal thinking person to believe you? Now don't get me wrong, and the field has been consistent with this position all along. You are not alone George. In fact, I suspect that if what happened in the dark would come to light, most white men over forty who lived South of the Mason Dixon line-or north of it- has dropped the "N" word at some point in their life. The key of course, is the company in which they drop it. Most white folks have learned that you NEVER EVER say that word in public, or around people that you can't trust. -black or white-This is true especially of white folks who have something to lose and who must seem politically correct at all times. Of course, the problem with Mr. Allen is that he did not have a crystal ball back then, and he could not have known that he was going to become a member of that most distinguished of all clubs, the American senate. Now fast forward to 2006, and Georgie porgie finds himself in the fight of his life to go back to Washington, and this little nigger thing is getting in the way.

George, I have a name for you: Mark Fuhrman. Remember that guys little nigger snafu? Yep, it caused a killer to walk free, and damn near destroyed an entire city. This was F. Lee Bailey to the FAUX NEWS analyst and racist dejure. "You say under oath that you have not addressed any black person as a nigger or spoken about black people as niggers in the past ten years Detective Fuhrman?" And of course, then came the now infamous reply that freed OJ
and set race relations back fifty years in America. "That's what I am saying sir" We all know the rest; as it turns out Mr. Fuhrman was lying, kind of like I suspect the good senator is. In fact, after listening to Larry Sabato a political scientist from UVA on "Hardball" with Chris Mathews tonight. I would bet my prized Al Kaline baseball card Allen is lying. But what else is he going to do? The guy wants to be President one day for crying out loud. And believe me on this one. White folks do not want a President that was outed with the "N" word. It just wouldn't look....well...American. After all, we like to keep those types of things in the closet. Gotta keep that lie of racial harmony alive in the home of the brave and the land of some free.

Now of course, we all know that this little revelation will not give all Virginians pause as to whether they should vote for George or not. In fact, I suspect that it will help him in some parts of the state more than hurt him. After all, many of my republican friends will reason, it was over thirty years ago, and didn't we all do things we weren't proud of at some point? And the answer to that is; of course we did. But we didn't lie about it to millions of people in order to get elected. Hey, I am going to confess right now; I called a white guy a cracker once...actually more than once, and I am not proud of it. Actually, if I could go back in time I would have maybe said things a little differently. Maybe I would have called him just whitey or something. But I didn't, I called him cracker, and I am ashamed of it, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Gee, that actually felt pretty good. I wonder why George doesn't do that? I would certainly understand, as I am sure most black folks would. But he won't, because you would have to damn near give a white man in that position the Chinese water torture before he admits in public that he called us niggers, even to a bunch of his Friends.

So George, at the end of the day, you will probably get elected, because Virginians won't let a little nigger comment get in the way of good government. I mean, didn't that state's most revered native son, have a little black mistress on the side, knocking the boots, while enslaving her people? Yeah I thought so.

Finally George, I guess you still have to deny deny and just hope this goes away. Maybe you can check over in the house, and see if you can find one of those house Negroes to come out and vouch for you? They do it all the time. Hold a press conference with a house negro on the left, and house negro on the right. Give them each a nice hug, and have them say things like; Senator Allen has been really good for black Virginians, and I have known this man all of my life and there is not a racist bone in his body. Then smile with them, give em a soul shake, look your constituents in the eye and say: Now would someone that uses the "N" word have done that?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Looking for Love!

Ahhhh another day out in the fields, and the field negro is trying to catch some down time. As usual, I head over by the house to see if massa has thrown out his news paper so I can catch up on my reading. To my dismay, massa has only thrown out the classified section.-it seems he gave the rest of the paper to the house Negroes. Oh well, the field will make do with what he has.

Let's see now......oh, what do we have here? It's the dating section of the classifieds.
This might be kind of interesting, let's take a look.

SBF seeks SWM or SWF: Must be educated, have a love for Alabama football, as well as world affairs and politics. I have a hectic work schedule so my ideal mate must be very flexible and understanding. I also love to shop for shoes, and play the piano, so my mate must have patience and an appreciation for the fine arts.
If interested, please call Condi at ***-***-****

SBF seeks SWM for love and companionship : He must be a christian, and have a deep and profound love for God almighty. He must understand that God is the center of our universe and he will cure all the evils of the world. Including, with our prayers, changing the pigmentation of my skin someday. So my mate must understand, that although I am a BF now, hopefully, I won't always be this way, and one day, I will be as pure as the driven snow. Free from the sin and curse of being black that I was unfortunately born with.
If interested, please call La Shawn at ***-***-****

SBM seeks SWF: Must be tall athletic, and love the blues. After all, I from Memphis, and we love the blues and barbeque's there. My ideal mate must love people of all races, and be good with children. As I plan to have many. She must be patient and understanding, as I do not plan to get married until after November, 2006.
If interested, please call Harold at ***-***-****

MWM seeks SBF,SWF,MBF,MWF,SLF, name it: Needed for tryst. Must be discreet as well as willing to travel, and meet new and interesting people.
If interested, please call Bill at ***-***-****

SBF seeks SBM for possible life time commitment: Must be loving,caring, and not wasteful with money. Must be dark handsome, and articulate. (I tried light didn't like it) My ideal mate does not have to have any previous work experience as he will be a stay at home husband. He must be understanding and be able to deal with the demands of my career. He must also be scandal free, with no illegitimate children, and willing to sign a prenup. An appreciation for reading would also be nice.
If interested, please call Oprah at ***-***-****

SBF seeks SBF for love and companionship: She must be patient, willing to listen, and most of all be drug free. Size, weight, and looks do not matter.
If interested, please call Whitney at ***-***-****

S?? seeks YWB or YBB for cuddling,and play: Cannot be older than ten and must be willing to travel to the Middle East. Must also enjoy cartoons, music, and old black and white films.
If interested,please call Michael at ***-***-****

SBM seeks SWF for love and companionship: My ideal mate must be blond, athletic, and have a great figure. She must be able to deal with my mood swings, and my volatile personality. She must be strong willed with a mind of her own, and not be swayed by what others might say. I like a woman that doesn't look back, but sees only the future and its possibilities.
If interested, please call OJ at ***-***-****

Wow, I never knew that there were so many lonely hearts out there. Well, the field sure hopes that they all find their ideal mates soon. Maybe if they came to the fields and looked around a little they would find that special someone. Mmmmm, that Oprah sure seemed nice. Maybe the field will give her a call. I don't mind a prenup.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Some Of My Best Friends Are White

So I am reading over at Wizbang, a conservative site that I like to visit now and then and there is a post from one of the hosts about this family in Maine, who tried to kidnap their daughter in order to force her to have an abortion. Well, as it turns out,(I should have known)the young man that knocked her up was a ....Gasp! NEGRO! Anyway, you can imagine the uncomfortable outrage that some of my friends over at Wizbang felt at this development. After all, can't we all just get along? The young man's race should not have caused this family to do this sort of thing, and I live in Texas and I always knew there was racism in the North, and blah blah blah. As if 90% of them posting probably wouldn't have done the same damn thing.

Readers of this blog know that one thing the field cannot stand is a hypocrite,especially when it comes to matters of race. Hey, if you feel a certain way about black folks, please let me know. I will respect you for it. If you would just die if you knew that your precious daughter would marry a black man, say it. Don't play this tolerance game because it is the American and PC thing to do. Let me know how you really feel, damn it!

This is why I carefully chose my white friends. -And yes I do have some- My white friends are people who level with me, and tell me how they really feel, not only about me, but about my race. And yes, I still consider them friends. In fact, this is exactly why they are my friends. Now before you start with the; but field how can you associate with friends who might say disparaging things about black folks? Let me explain something to you: It's like this: Your white friends, who you think are soooo tolerant and PC, are not. They are just like my white friends, but my white friends say what your white friends are thinking, it's as simple as that.

And make no mistake, having white friends like mine have far more advantages than having white friends like yours. For instance, did you know that white people have a certain hand signal [at least in Philly they do] that they use when they refer to black folks? Yes, apparently this is very convenient for them when they are in the company of other blacks and they don't want the black person to know that they are making an issue of the race of a particular person. An example would be:- white person talking- "Yeah I was on the subway today and it was so crowded (hand signal here) with people" Now if you don't know the code, you wouldn't know that talker was referring to black people. At the time, I didn't know either, but I know now, because my white friends told me. So now my white friends just come right out and say it: "No offense field, but I felt uncomfortable with all those black people on the train today". Here is another example of something I learned from my white friends: Did you know that when white folks in certain neighborhoods are about to sell their home, they put out feelers to all the family and friends of all the other white people in the neighborhood, just to see if any one is in the market for a home? This way, they won't have to get realtor's involved. I mean you never know, some black family could pass and see the for sale sign in the yard and actually qualify for a mortgage. Oh, and these sellers will even sell to other white folks with less than perfect credit. Even if it means taking a hit on the equity built up in the home. And I always wondered why I never saw for sale signs in certain neighborhoods. Did you know that when Notre Dame had a black head coach, Irish people all over the East Coast (even the ones that didn't go to Notre Dame, or to college, heck, or finish high school for that matter) were losing their freaking minds. I knew a year before old Ty got the axe that he was on his way out. My Irish friends told me so. They also can't stand it when their favorite pro team has a black QB, -like we do here in Philly, and they always cheer for the white guy to win in any sport no matter what. My white friends don't invite me to certain family functions and they tell me why. (Well you know old uncle Bob is real old, and he never really liked black people, and unfortunately, he will be there) Your white friend, just won't tell you about the function in the first place. And I could go on, like they really do think our d**ks are bigger and...well, OK they are right about that one. And they go nuts because they say we are always late when we go to the movies; and to top it off, we are always talking too damn loud once we get there. They really do wonder why we can use the "N" word and they can't, and they tell me that when no other blacks are around it flies like crazy. Of course, this is where the inevitable "field, if I slipped and used it, would we still be friends?" Always comes in. And the field always has to reply; "yes, if after I whooped your ass you would still want to be my friend; sure we would."

So having real white friends can be fun, and it can be meaningful. I encourage all black folks to get at least one. Not just some superficial co worker or colleague who needs you every now and then to add commercial type coloring to a party or a function. But a real friend, someone who will reveal secrets to you about his race that no one else had taken the time to do before.

My only caution to you is this: Your white friend will expect a trade off. He will want to know things about you, too. He will prick at you when you least expect it. It could be over a drink, or in the middle of a card game, or during a round of golf. "So field you never dreamed about getting with a white woman?" "So field, how come you black guys always seem to know each other, even if you are total strangers?" "What happens in a black church?" Or, "what do you guys talk about when you are alone together?" And, "do you want reparations?"

But be strong, don't give anything away, give your white friends superficial stuff, stuff he or she already knows. "Yes Jimmy, I love fried chicken. Yes Jimmy, I prefer big butts to big breasts. Yes Jimmy, I love all Earth Wind & Fire music, and yes Jimmy, I play a serious game of basketball." Get it? Keep it light, nothing too deep like the stuff that goes on in our churches for instance, or the secret codes that we have for white folks. Or how we always secretly cheer for the brother over the white boy; none of that stuff. Nope, no trade offs with your white friend. Trust me, he wont' know the difference, as long as you give him something and you seem sincere in doing it. You know, kind of like your white friends do to you.

Sunday, September 17, 2006


Well it's Sunday morning on a beautiful fall day here in the land of the brave and the home of some free, and the field is still troubled about this Iraq war. There was a time, when I told my self that I wouldn't write about it anymore, because it gets me too emotional to write a lucid post. I get emotional, because my brother in law was blown up by an IED while on patrol in Baghdad, and while his wife was pregnant with his now 14 month old daughter. He still hasn't been able to really hold his daughter because his hands are so f#%&*d up. Now he sits in an Army hospital in San Antonio, Texas almost two years later, still getting skin graphs, and physical as well as emotional therapy. So this war has been personal for me, and I suspect that it has been this way for at least 23,000 American families as well.

But this is not why I write this post. War is hell, and when people sign up as soldiers they expect that bad things might happen. What I don't think the soldiers expect when they join the armed services, is that their commander the thief will send them off to war for solely political and ideological reasons. This is what frat boy and the neocons did with Iraq, because make no mistake, this war was not about protecting America against terrorist, this war was about settling old scores, setting up a Western style democracy, and being able to control the oil, and other natural resources that may flow from the Middle East. Like when have we ever cared if people are suffering in other parts of the world enough to go in and invade their country to save them? If you want to save someone frat boy, how about starting with the people of Darfur? [200,000 slaughtered and counting] But I digress. So this war, this trumped up FAUX NEWS produced war, has done nothing to stop the war on terror, and has done nothing to improve our standing with the world community. In fact, the last time I checked, the NBA sized man with the beard was still running around with a 30 million dollar bounty on his head, while he and his organization continue to make more videos than Janet Jackson.

Now there is an all out civil war in Iraq. [Sectarian violence civil war, what's the difference?] with no end in sight. And now, even my spineless homey, Colin Powell, admits that this was a mistake, and he in essence lied to the U.N., when he made the case for war. Of course there were no WMD's and frat boy and his crew knew it all along. But it gets worse, because not only did frat boy and his minions try to tell us that there were WMD's in Iraq, but they tried to tell us that Sadaam had something to do with 911 as well. Now they have since tried to reverse from those comments because of irrefutable evidence to the contrary , but listen to Darth Vader's [AKA Dick Cheney] speeches, and time and time again he makes reference to Sadaam and state sponsored terrorism, and thus, by implication, 911 and the nineteen hijackers. News flash, those guys were Egyptians, and Saudis, which the last time I checked, has given more to Al Qaeda than Sadaam ever did. None of those hijackers were Iraqis; and Americans, to our credit, are starting to realize that frat boy and his crew were lying to us all along.

So here I sit at my computer, lamenting on the faith of others like my brother in law, who lost a piece of their bodies, shed their blood, and in some cases lost their lives in a god forsaken country in the Middle East. Where the people don't want them there in the first place, and they wonder every day, just what the f%^k are we doing here? I Will tell you what they are doing there, they are there to promote a political agenda, and fund a war machine to satisfy defense contractors who gave lots of money to get frat boy elected. For those you who don't believe me, f%^&* you, I don't care, this is my opinion, and until someone can show me different, this is what I will believe. Sorry for the anger, but it pisses me off when I think that people here at home are still being killed by record numbers due to a drug culture that won't go away. And our schools are still failing, while many programs are being cut. And not just any program; proven programs like Head Start, and other after school programs. Federal programs that ear mark money to the states for child support enforcement, and crime prevention. Even programs for first responders, the very people that should help us in case of a terrorist attack are being cut. These are the types of programs that give people quality of life here at home, yet sadly, they are being cut to fund this war. We are worried about Al Qaeda threats, yet, by ignoring the basic human needs of our citizens, we are creating terrorist every day. Because make no mistake, the animal that executes five of his drug rivals in a crack house is a terrorist. The thug that car jacks a seventy year old lady in a mall parking lot, gun butts her, and leaves her for dead, is a terrorist. The SOB that rapes a thirteen year old girl at knife point is a terrorist, not to mention the animal that is HIV positive, and goes around having unprotected sex; yes he is a terrorist too. Is it any wonder that black folks even more than whites, do not support this war. We don't understand why we are over there fighting for some ideological agenda, when real f&^%*d up sh*# is happening in our neighborhoods every day. We are not buying into this notion that they Al Qaeda bogyman is around the corner to get us. We have other bogeymen in our neighborhoods that we have to worry about on a daily basis. Yeah we are in a war with terror alright, and the real terrorist are the ones setting some of these policies that are hurting our communities, and ignoring the real threats in the world. Folks do you know who Francis Fukuyama is? [His name describes perfectly what I want to tell him]He is one of the original neocons who signed the founding statement of that now infamous group. Which included people like Rumsfeld,Cheyney,Wolfowitz,Libby,Feith etc., who are war criminals all in my book. Anyway, these geniuses lobbied Bill Clinton as far back as 1998 in an open letter to go to Iraq. Now Mr. Fukuyama calls Iraq "a base for jihadist terrorist,with plenty of American targets to shoot at" and regrets his previous position with the neocons. Well f#%k you, it's too late for that now! I told you I couldn't write about this war in a calm lucid manner. OK field, take a breath....OK I am better now.

I just hope people vote this November, [yeah I know I have been on this vote kick lately] because these are serious times. Don't for a minute think that frat boy's disciples won't be voting, they will, and they will try to win these mid terms, to steal a quote from my man Malcolm; "by any means necessary". Already they are outspending the democrats by two to one, and they have also decided to go negative with their campaigning. So you figure it out. And it's not only the Republicans, vote out any democrat that you think supported this war for political expediency as well. -insert Hillary here-But just vote. Do it for those who died before you to give you the right, do it for your communities, do it for your families, and on a personal note; do it for my brother in law.

Finally, I would like to say thanks and throw out some mad love to the fellows and young women who serve in Bravo Company 1088 Engineer Battalion of the 256th Infantry, as well as some love to all the soldiers who are recovering at Brooke Army Medical Center, in Fort Houston, Texas. You all deserve our love and you have it.


Thursday, September 14, 2006

The HNIC Race

Folks it's election season and the field has got the fever. In fact, I am so passionate about these upcoming elections that I have decided to declare my candidacy for HNIC. [If you have to ask what a HNIC is you should not be reading this blog] Anyway, my opponent is the long time incumbent, the house negro. [Yeah he has been the HNIC for a long time now] And he will be running a well funded, and slick campaign.

So I collected some money from my fellow Negroes in the fields, and headed down to the local T.V. station to produce my latest campaign commercial.....

OK my spot is done, and I have a transcript of it for you. Check it out!

Narrator's voice: Every year the house Negroes promises you that things will get better, that with a little hard work, and creativity, you too can one day become the HNIC. He has promised you higher wages, safer neighborhoods, and a choice of schools where you can send your children.~~~~picture of school children playing in the background~~~~ But has the house negro delivered for you? The field-negro says no. Instead, you are left with decaying neighborhoods, rife with abandoned buildings and crack addicts on every corner. Money that should be spent to make our neighborhoods safer, is being sent to places like Iraq to fund an unnecessary war; a war which the field-Negroes opponent, the house negro, supported and continues to support. Instead of higher wages, jobs are leaving the areas around our cities and heading to states where big corporations pay new workers minimum wage. They are heading to suburban areas where you cannot afford transportation to be able to go to work. The house negro opposes gun control, but he supports tougher sentencing, and less alternative sentencing for judges. ~~~~picture of a prison in the background~~~He supports cutting social programs like midnight basketball leagues, head start, and after school programs, but building more prisons and hiring more police officers. Is this the kind of HNIC we want? This November, let's vote out the house negro, and make the field negro the HNIC. ~~~~picture of field negro holding Lark Voorhies hand and walking through an inner city neighborhood with children jumping rope in the background~~~

Field Negro appears on the screen: Hi I am field-negro, and if elected HNIC, I promise to make it the way it was for us before the house Negroes got their power. Before the house Negroes sold out our neighborhoods to the mega churches, the big developers, and the tobacco and liquor cabal. Before the house Negroes decided that it was good to send just a few of our children to better schools while the majority of our children suffered. Before the house negro decided to give up on our neighborhoods and move away to be closer to his benefactors. Only to come around during election time to ask for our vote. Well I say no more, it's time to send the house negro back to the house to fetch massa's slippers where he belongs. ~~~~actual film clip of house negro fetching massa's slippers~~

I am field negro and I approved this message.

Yeah, I think I like that one. Now if I can just get Lark Voorhies to cooperate.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


It seems the dems are all over frat boy because of his little 911 speech on Monday night. Too much politics from the bully pulpit, and too much phony unity spin they say. When the real reason for the speech was to rally the country behind the red elephant for the November elections. Well, the fields position is going to surprise you, because I have no problem with frat boy mixing a little politics in his speech. Hey, he has the bully pulpit, and his party is in power; so have at it Mr. Commander In Thief, as far as I am concerned, he de man right now! First, there is about thirty percent of the American voting public who wouldn't leave frat boy's side if they saw him cut the head off of a little baby. ~~~That baby was hiding weapons of mass destruction ~~~ And there are, maybe fifty percent of the people in this country, who will never believe a word that little weasel says again. [Put the field in that number] So that fifteen percent of undecideds is who everyone is trying to reach. Including frat boy with this new support the war speaking tour. And in the field's opinion, those people will be smart enough to decide if he is keeping it real or not. So let frat boy go at it with his speeches, and his flag waving Presidential rock tour. He will get a bump for now. But later, as always, those fifteen percent will see the war, they will see the angst in the country, and they will tune out all the well written speeches that frat boy is delivering like they have been doing for the past three years.

Honestly, the dems ought to toughen up and play hardball a little more. Get a little more Machiavellian and cut throat like my man Karl Rove. Hey, I come from a place where people literally lost their lives if they belonged to the wrong political camp. Ask any Jamaican and they will tell you about the violent election seasons in Jamaica, where wearing the wrong colors like the green of the JLP, or red of the PNP, would guarantee that you would never live to see who finally got elected. Politicians on the rock don't arm their poll workers with leaflets and talking points, they arm them with AK47's and M-16's. Entire voting blocks and neighborhoods are often terrorized by political gangs who are paid well for their reign of terror. So we have it good here in America, where all we do is shout across the Internet, the radio waves, and the T.V. at each other. Hey, I would rather harsh words than bullets any day.

So my advise to the dems, and the repubs for that matter; is to shout and scream for what you believe in, and do every thing you can [within the legal limits of course] to influence the elections. Because the stakes this year are just too high to play nice. People like Camel Neck Coulter, Glen Beck, Bill Oliely, and Rush Limp boy, shouldn't scare you. They are just screaming at you, and you don't need a bullet proof vest for a scream. So my advice; scream back. Get Michael Moore to make another film, start listening to Air America, and other liberal outlets, stop watching FAUX NEWS for all the news bimbos, and try to even the playing field with these republican haters a little. Politics is a contact sport, and you should not be playing nice.

It is not by accident of course that I think like this. Picture my political upbringing. Besides my aforementioned childhood, I went to law school in Louisiana, where politics is the biggest sport in the state behind football. And I have settled professionally in Philadelphia, where Lincoln Steffens once said of my fair city; that we are "corrupt and content". And honestly, only Chicago has a worse big city reputation when it comes to politics. So that's my political background, and I am proud of it. I make no apologies about being passionate about my beliefs, and my win at all cost mentality when it comes to politics. ~ Vote early and vote often~ This is why I hate to see wimpy politicians crying about equal time for a television address, or crying for censorship of a movie. My God people, grow some, and start smacking that little b#$%h Karl Rove right back in his four eyed mug. Trust me, given the chance, he will smack you. This is about high stakes and billion dollar contracts, so yo can believe that civility crap and "we the people" bu#* s%#t all you want, but this is political war!

Now if you will excuse me, I see a Santurom sign on one of my neighbor's lawn. Shhhhhh

Sunday, September 10, 2006

What I Remember!

It's one day away from the 911 anniversary [why do we say anniversary, as if it was a good day we want to remember?] and I, like every other American, have quite a few memories of that day and its aftermath.

I remember, that it was probably weather wise, the most beautiful morning that I have ever seen in all of my years on earth. The weather was particularly meaningful to me, because although we were at a court conference in Harrisburg Pennsylvania, we were supposed to play a full round of golf that day. I remember, as I was changing in my hotel room, listening to the news report on television about a "small" plane flying into one of the Twin Towers. I didn't pay much attention to it. In fact, as I went downstairs to meet my colleagues for breakfast, and I even joked to them about some guy in a Cessna or something who couldn't get his bearings straight, and crashed his plane into one of the Twin Towers. Boy was I wrong. As we stood in the lobby of that hotel, I will never forget how surreal it was watching the other plane crash into the second tower.

The looks on the faces of every one in that room, the mad dash to go home by people with young children, and families at home was something I will never forget. I suppose being at a conference and in a hotel, made those initial moments even more tense and horrifying to the people that were there with me. Most people were away from home, and most people, seeing the other stories of multiple planes being hijacked, one crashing into the Pentagon, and one of the hijacked planes heading right to us across Pennsylvania, could not help but think that we were under attack, and were at war.

Total strangers were crying with each other, and comforting each other in any way that they could. I called my significant other, who was working in a high rise building in Philadelphia on the seventeenth floor, to make sure she was OK. She said she was, and I told her that no matter what her company said to get the hell out of there. She said she would because she was scared, and that there was allot of talk in the office about America being under attack. I told her that the people in her officer were right. I will never forget the middle aged white lady who came up to me and said: "Can you believe this is happening in our country?" "Well", she said, "we are all together now" As if we weren't together before. Of course she was right, we weren't together before. And not only blacks and whites, but democrats and republicans, rich and poor, red staters and blue staters, you name it. We were just coming off Gore v. Bush, remember that? So in a way, I guess you couldn't blame us. But this incident, this moment, made us all realize how vulnerable we were. As Americans, we always viewed wars and terrorist attacks on our T.V. sets. We never thought that such things could happen to us in our beloved America, insulated in our bucolic Ozzie and Harriet worlds. But it did, because a bunch of religious fanatics wanted to bring the fight to us. So it united us for awhile. For awhile we were together as one America, united against the evil that invaded our peaceful existence.

This is why the war in Iraq really sets me off. Because rather than use a moment when we as citizens, were all ready to unite to defeat a common enemy. Our president, guided by the neocons in his party, used one of the most tragic moments in American history, to score political points, to settle old scores, and to push forth an agenda in the Middle East. It upset me, because of what I saw on the faces of the people in Harrisburg that day, and the bravery and selflessness of a lot of great people who gave their own lives to save others. It upsets me thinking about it now, because we are right back to where we were pre 911, if not worse. We are even more divided, and our president is still trying to score political points from this tragedy. [See his most recent political tour] It upset me, because the NBA sized terrorist, Osama Been Forgotten [that's classic] is still hiding out in Afghanistan somewhere and shaking his d%#k at us. I get upset thinking about people like the camel neck lady, aka Ann Coulter, attacking the widows of the horrific attacks to sell her book, and throw red meat to her fellow conservatives. Unfortunately, thanks to the behaviour of certain individuals, allot more than the Twin Towers collapsed that day. These individuals have led the collapse of decency and civility as well.

So yeah, I remember a lot of things about 911 and the horror that surrounded that day. But the most painful memory I have of 911 and the months and now years after, is the blown opportunity by our president to truly unite us, and show the world that we were going to stand up to the murdering zealots and their ilk, as one people. Not just republicans who need the war on terror to push their agenda. But as Americans who want nothing more than to protect our families, and on a beautiful day, be able to play a round of golf.

The field-negro again would like to thank all the first responders who put their butts on the line that day. And the field would like to give a long middle finger to our vice president, AKA Darth Vader, who was no where to be found, and who is still leading the charge to get the wrong enemy.

The field is out.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Vote Halle Vote

Hi everybody, the field would like just for once to keep it light with you, and blog about some nice stuff that goes down with him from time to time. But what's that line from the Godfather? " Every time I try to get out, they pull me back in..." or something like that.

So anyway, it's like this. Today I am heading to court and I literally run into this old colleague of mine. A certified dime piece, and head turner who the field hadn't seen in awhile. Girlfriend could probably play Halle Barry's sister in her next movie. Anyway, I had forgotten just how gorgeous she was, and the sight of her made the field realize just how beautiful life can be in these United States. Hey, the field can appreciate true beauty without having any nefarious intentions. Besides, it's not like she is Lark Voorhies or anything; but I digress. So the field makes some small talk with the Nubian, and not wanting to let the moment pass, asks her to lunch. She accepts, we coordinate our times, and the next thing you know, the field is having lunch with this beautiful Nubian in a Center City Philadelphia eatery and enjoying the view.

Well that's the good part. Now here is where it's not so good. We are making small talk, she is telling the field about her new love and her career, the field is telling her about his life, and career, as well as professional plans for the future. Somehow we get on the subject of the upcoming November elections, and I ask her who she will be voting for in the hot senate race between Bob Casey, Jr., and Rick Santorum that the entire country is watching this fall. And this is when girlfriend drops the; "field I don't vote" on me. Now all of a sudden, girlfriend is looking a lot more like Whoppie than Halle, and I am thinking to myself; did she just say that? So I ask her if she is serious, if she really means that she doesn't believe in voting. And she says yes, she says that no matter who is in power it won't effect how much she spends on a Coach bag, or a pair of Kate Spades. [Yes she really said that] Now I am taken totally by surprise. After all, we are not talking about some young kid fresh out of high school. We are talking about an individual who I am guessing, is in her mid thirties, who spent at least nineteen years of her life in school, and who is supposed to be pretty worldly and sophisticated. I ask her again if she is serious, and I tell her that as a lawyer she should no better. But no go, girlfriend is clearly not buying what the field is selling.

So I try another tactic, I try to explain to her that people died for that right. That black families were burned out, tortured and terrorized in the South before the federal government stepped in with laws like the "Force Act", the "1957 Civil Rights Act", and the "Voting Rights Act of 1965". to allow them to have a right that she now so casually dismisses. I tried to tell her about poll taxes and literacy tests, how white folks in the south lost their minds when we started exercising our rights to vote after Reconstruction. How that led to the rise of groups like the Klan, and the White Camellia, groups who used some serious terrorism to suppress black voter strength. How people like John Lewis from Georgia, literally got their skulls smashed in on the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, Alabama, by racist state troopers trying to break up a march for voter rights. How Michael Schwerner, James Chaney, and Andrew Goodman were brutally murdered by the Klan during freedom summer in Philadelphia, Mississippi, for trying to register black folks to vote. I mean, I could have also told her about Fannie Lou Hamer, and the struggle of the other folks in places like Mississippi and Alabama. But what would be the point? She clearly was not interested. I wondered how many more like her there was? Black professionals, so caught up in themselves and their careers, that they never even took the time to register to vote, and exercise that right when the opportunity presented itself.

Finally, I did tell her, that even though she doesn't exercise it, black folks almost lost that right. As a matter of fact, if a bunch [80 to be exact] of GOP house members had their way, we probably would have. They didn't want the 1965 Voting Rights Act renewed, because they didn't like some of the language that dealt with bi lingual issues in Section 2 of the act. I could have, but didn't tell her about Republican Jack Kingston of Georgia expressing his frustrations with the act by saying: "If you want to move a poling place from a Baptist church to a Methodist church, you have to go through the justice department" You damn right you do Jack. Like what the f#%&? Do you really think we would leave voting rights up to the states again like pre 1965? I don't think so. As a matter of fact, I want your ass to tell the federal government if you even think about moving the damn poling place. Hey, didn't some lady named Barbara Arwine, the Director of the Lawyers Committee for Civil Rights Under Law say that a bi partisan commission found evidence of RECENT voting rights violations in Georgia, [Yes Jack, Georgia] Texas, and several other southern states. Sorry boys, I just don't trust you down there in the land of NASCAR, and sweet tea just yet.

So back to my lunch. I am telling girlfriend all this stuff-not all of it, cause if I did, no matter how great a company the field is, I suspect the head turner would have bailed on the field- and she is telling me, that I am making a little sense, but really, she has never voted, and she doesn't see how it would have changed her life if she did. But what about helping us black folks to be relevant? I ask her. I mean this is why both parties take black folks for granted now, because of attitudes like yours. I tell her to try to change her position and vote this year. I tell her to study up on all the candidates and make an informed pick. Of course I know it's going in one ear and out the other. Then I try another tact. Do you like George Bush I ask? She shrugs her shoulder, says he is alright. Well what if he didn't sign the Voting Rights Act into law? What if he had enough votes to block it from passage on the republican side and his veto could not have been over ridden? What if frat boy and the republicans was sick of only getting about 12% of the black vote every national election, and decided to do something about it? Do you realize that we would go back to the possibility of poll taxes, and literacy tests if individual states and not the federal government controlled the process? But then she hit me with one too. But field, she says, do you realize how ridiculous this all is? Like we have to get someone else es blessings to vote, I think the whole thing is crazy. What do you care I strike back, you don't vote anyway. Yeah, whatever field, she says, clearly annoyed, before she changes the subject.

Now girlfriend is sounding like the grown ups on those Charley Brown cartoons, cause the field ain't hearing a word she is saying. The field is thinking about what girlfriend just said, and the scary thing is, she is right. Someone had mentioned it on this blog earlier and I didn't pay it much attention. Of course that person is right too. Why do we even have to get someone else es permission to freely vote? Why do federal laws have to be passed to protect us from our own fellow citizens? Yeah that's some messed up stuff. And the more I think about it, the more ironic all this crap is. Here I am telling girlfriend to vote to exercise her right in a free democracy, when the democracy is really kind of f%#&d up. I mean the President had to sign legislation that reauthorized my right to vote. Damn! But hey, I think to myself, it ain't gonna get better if we don't participate in it. So my black ass is going to keep voting, and I am going to encourage every other black person I know or meet to do the same thing.

The check comes, and girlfriend reaches for it. The field can't let her, I tell her I have it she insist on going dutch, I tell her no way. I lie and tell her I enjoyed her company, and the least I could do is get the check. She doesn't believe it, but she acquiesces to the field, thanks him for lunch, and is on her way. As she walks away, I start to think of Halle again.... ..I wonder if Halle votes? Nahhh, when you look like that, nothing is going to effect you unless you want it to.
****The field would like to apologize to everyone who has had problems posting in the fields. According to the boys at blogger, it has something to do with the field switching over to beta blogger. If you are not on beta, you will have to post as anonymous. Hopefully it's temporary. At least that's what these tech guys tell me. Although sometimes I swear it's a grand plot by Mr. Charlie to get me. I bet conservative blogs don't have these blogger problems.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Searching For Colin Powell

People think the field is all jokes and sarcasm. But sometimes in the true spirit of journalism, the field gets serious and attempts to do some real investigative work. (Like the time I interviewed frat boy for instance) So anyway, with the mid term elections fast approaching, and the politicians preparing to get back to Washington. The field was thinking about just what a mess we are in with this Iraq war situation. If the GOP loses the house or the senate; they will have frat boy and his 36% approval rating and an unpopular war to thank for it. And given the countries mood right now, I can see the GOP going down, kind of like the democrats did in 1994 when Newt's revolution took them out.

So as I sit here thinking about this very unpopular war, and all the s#$% it has stirred up. I start to think about my homey Colin. (Yes he is my homey because his parents, like the fields, are Jamaican) Colin Powell, remember him? He was the guy that was going to be the first black president. Straight out of central casting for the role too. If ever white folks were going to vote for a black man to be president it was Colin. And they weren't afraid to show it. Poll after poll showed that if he were to run, regardless of who he ran against, the good general would win. According to white folks, he spoke well, (Don't you love that one, like someone can get to be a five star general by speaking ebonics) He was so handsome and distinguished (Translated light skinned non threatening), and he embodied all the great American values that we so love: Hard work, pulling yourself up, and putting God and country first.

And he has all the right credentials too: National Security Advisor, Chairman of The Joint Chiefs of Staff, Secretary of State. According to Wikipedia, he was the highest ranking non-Caucasian government official in American history. He is, or was, the poster boy for the republican party and the U.S. Army, representing what can be achieved in America through hard work. Now that's impressive!

So after all that, I am thinking, just where the f%#@ has he been lately? Trust me, if he wasn't my homey I wouldn't care. But somehow it doesn't feel right what happened to Colin, and I think it's been sad to see someone fall so far so fast. I suspect that it all has something to do with this war we have going in Iraq right now.

Anyway, the field has been searching all over for the good General to get his side of the story, but with no luck. Finally, I caught a break. I hooked up with some yawdies who knew where the general was hiding out on the rock. (It seems my man went back to the land of his roots to hide out, and clear his head) So anyway, after a flight down to Mo-Bay on the "love bird" (That's Air Jamaica for all of you who aren't in the know) , I hooked up with my man Spragger Ranks, who promised to drive me to the parish of St. Ann to find where the the good general was hiding out these days.

So after about three hours on the winding Jamaican roads and into the hills and mountains of St. Ann's parish. We finally enter a Rastafarian compound hidden and tucked away in the side of the mountain. For those of you familiar with the rock, we are about a thirty minute drive from a town called Runaway Bay. (How ironic is that?)

OK, so we enter the compound, and my man Marley is blasting on the sound system. "Until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior, is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned every where is war..." damn I am thinking, this is some appropriate sh#%, they are playing "War" from the "Rastaman Vibration" album. Dreads are everywhere, fruits on the table, and the unmistakable smell of the St. Ann collie weed is in the air. Over in a corner, seated by a picture of Haile Sellasie, is the man I came to see. Obviously deep in thought and reflection, I hardly recognize him. He looked a lot smaller, his skin was a lot darker, and his hair was growing out. Spragger Ranks told me it was cool, so I headed over to where the general was sitting, introduced myself, turned on my tape recorder, and started my interview.

FN: Hi general, my name is field-negro, I came to interview you for my blog. Spragger and some of the boys said it was cool. That you would talk to me since we are both yawdies, and you want the folks in the fields to know how you really feel about all the sh#* that's been going on with you.
CP: Yeah field it's cool I heard you were coming. I am just a little messed up right now, the way this whole Iraq thing went down. I have a lot on my conscience and on my mind these days.
FN: I can't say I blame you with the war going the way it is. What is it now, 2,652 American troops dead, and over 19,000 injured so far. Not to mention over 45,000 dead Iraqi civilians, and almost 500 billion dollars in tax payer's money.
CP: Hey field, you don't have to remind me, I know it's bad. I can't even stand to watch the news anymore. That's one reason I came down here, for some peace and quite.. and.. " every where is war me se war" Hey you guys turn off that sh%*. Damn Marley all day long that's all they play in this place.
FN:Wasn't Bob Marley born in this parish?
CP:Yeah, I think he was. Damn field, you are pretty up on your history.
FN: Well speaking of history, I want you to watch this clip on my little video camera. This was you at the U.N. on February 5, 2003, making a case for the war in Iraq:

"This is important day for all as we review the situation with respect to Iraq and its disarmament obligations under U.N. Security Resolution 1441....Last November 8, this council passed Resolution 1441 by a unanimous vote. the purpose of that resolution was to disarm Iraq of its weapons of mass destruction. Iraq has already been found guilty of material breach of its obligations, starting back over 16 previous resolutions and 12 years..."

FN:Should I keep playing it, you don't look so good.
CP: Yeah field, go on, I will be fine.
FN: OK if you insist.

"I might add at this point that we are providing all relevant information we can to the inspection teams for them to do their work. The material I will present to you came from a variety of sources. Some are U.S. sources. And some are those of other countries. Some of the sources are technical, such as intercepted telephone conversations and photos taken by satellites. Other sources are people who have risked their lives to let the world know what Saddam Hussein is really up to. I cannot tell you everything that we know, but what I can share with you, when combined with what all of use have learned over the years, is deeply troubling..."

CP:Stop! That's enough field, I can't look at that anymore. It was all lies, intel that was cherry picked to make a case for war. I mean I can't believe I let those little weenies in the White House play me like this. They knew how popular I was, and they knew that if I sold this war, the American people would buy it, hook, line, and sinker. I am telling you field, the intel crap they gave me, looked like a damn Chinese menu. You could just pick what you want from it.
FN: Well, it looked like it worked general.
CP: Please, call me Colin, I don't feel like a general anymore. A real general would have stood up to those chicken hawk neo cons and told them the real cost of war. A real general would not have allowed almost 3,000 fine American young men to give their lives for an unnecessary war. Pretending to defend freedom, when in truth, they were defending a political strategy to hold on to power for this bunch, and their defense contractor friends.
FN: Colin, one of your former aides, Col. Lawrence Wilkerson, says that you told him that the speech at the U.N. was the lowest point in your life, is that true?
CP: Yeah it's true.
FN: He said you spent four days and nights locked in the CIA conference room leading up to that speech. And that George Tenet was there, and he expressed some reservations about the intel that they were giving you for the speech. Is that true Colin?
CP: Yeah it's true. And that's when they gave me that crap that looked like a Chinese menu.
FN: And didn't David Kay say that one of the sources you quoted in your speech to the U.N. was a lier and a fabricator. His words sir.
CP: Yeah field you are right about that too. Hey, do you think the American people know all of this?
FN: Yes Colin I think they do, more than you think. More and more people are saying the war was unnecessary and has no connection to 911, or the war on terror.
CP: So then I good out in time then huh? I mean are people associating me with this bunch?
FN: Yeah Colin, I would pretty much say they are. I mean the republicans don't like you anymore, because they think you came out against the president, and democrats don't like you because they think you were less than honorable with the entire lead up to the war fiasco. And the most important people, those in the middle, who would have pulled the lever for you for president before. Now see you as a political opportunist just like the other folks in Washington.
CP: Yeah but, I mean I wasn't that definitive about the war was I? I mean I did leave some wiggle room in case we decided not to attack.
FN: Well not actually Colin, here I Will play some more tape for you. This is you at the U.N, again.

"We have no indication that Saddam has ever abandoned his nuclear weapons program.
Saddam already possesses two out of three key components needed to build a nuclear bomb.
Saddam is determined to get his hands on a nuclear bomb..."

CP: OK Stop! I get it, so maybe I did make a case to go to war based on what I said. Boy do I feel stupid. I thought George was my friend. He must have saw how popular I was , and he knew that if he went down for this war, he would take me with him. Damn, he and that little weasel that sits on his shoulder all the time, are always scheming.
FN: You mean Karl Rove?
CP: That's exactly who I mean.
FN: But Colin, I gotta ask you, what were you thinking? Right before your speech, Hans Blix, and Muhammed El Baradei told the U.N. that disarmament was taking place in Iraq, and they specifically asked for more time. And Dr. Baradei even said your statements about a uranium transfer between Iraq and Niger was not authentic. And they said that they found no evidence or plausible indication of WMD's in Iraq. So again, I ask you, what the F%&* were you thinking?
CP: I will tell you what I was thinking field. I was thinking I could trust those slime balls like Rommey and Cheyney in the White House. I was following the advise of Cheyney and the CIA. What else can I tell you? I trusted them, and they burned me. It's as simple as that FN: Boy did they ever.
CP: Hey, if you remember, I said it in Cairo Egypt back in February of 2001, that Saddam was not a threat, so I knew even then, and I still let them talk me into this mess. That's why I resigned. Oh I gave Ms. Thing my letter of resignation as soon as Georgie boy won another term.
FN: Who is Ms. Thing?
CP: You know, Condi, the resident house negro now that I am gone.
FN: Yeah. but in your letter you said: "I will always treasure the four years that I have spent with President Bush and the wonderful men and women of the Department of State"
Didn't you mean those words?
CP: Did Anna Nicole really love her old ass husband? Of course I didn't mean it. But what else was I going to say?
FN: Well you could have been a little more honest with the American people. CP: I was honest with the American People.
FN: No you weren't, not when some of the very people who worked for you, basically said you were lying. People like Scott Thielmann for instance. And there is no doubt that your speech to the U.N. legitimized the case for war.
CP: Yeah, and you know what field, I live with that every day. The human lives lost, the cost, the total destruction of that country, and the entire Middle East going to hell in a hand basket. Do you know that over 72,000 people world wide have lost their lives to terrorist attacks since Georgie boy announced his war on terror. Not to mention the fact that 3,000 Iraqis a month are now dying. That's why I just sit here and smoke the good collie weed all day. It's too f#$%*g depressing man. That damn Rumsfield, he gets my goat up too. Here is a guy who actually went to Iraq in the eighties when he worked for Reagan, and gave the guy -Saddam- all types of support including military, and intelligence, and now he goes to Salt Lake City of all places and compares the guy to Hitler. Boy that's priceless. That takes some big ones, doesn't it?
FN: Yes it does Colin, yes it does.

"Never let a politician grant you a favor they will always want to control you forever..."

CP: Damn, they are playing that Marley again. Hey cut dat mon cut dat. Yu nu si me a talk to mi brethren field negro. Sorry field, every now and then I have to go there with these niabingies.
FN: That's cool Colin. You just hang in there OK, I will report this on my blog, and let the rest of people in America know that you are still alive and kicking. They were all just a little worried about you that's all.
CP: Field, make sure you let the American people know that I was set up, and I didn't want this to happen. It's not my fault.
FN: I hear you Colin.
CP: You want a hit off of this? It's lamsbread wrapped in tobacco leaf, it's the best weed in the world.
FN: No thanks Colin, I don't get high, but thanks for the offer. Besides, I think you need it more than I do, you need all the escape you can get.

"Of good over evil, of good over evil, Good over evil"

Damn Colin, no one listens to you anymore.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Looney Coons. (The Coonies)

You may have noticed some changes in the fields. Yep, it was getting a little gloomy around here. I mean, just because the world is going to hell in a hand basket, doesn't mean the fields can't at least try to look optimistic. Anyway, thanks to the boys at Blogger, the field updated his site a bit. It's also nice to be able to show some love to some fellow bloggers, and news organizations who the field has enjoyed reading from time to time. So now that we have that out of the way, I would like to recognize some individuals.

As you might or might not know, I previously handed out some awards to some individuals in the field of entertainment for their expertise in the art of cooning. People, who in fact, probably became American icons because of their cooning capabilities. People like Nipsey Russell, J.J. Walker, Al. Roker, Snoop,....and, well, you get the point. In that post, I also tried to explain the history of cooning and the harm that I think it has done to the plight and the perception of black people in this country. I am probably one of the few people in America who agreed with Adolph Caesar's character, Sgt. Walters, in the movie A Soldiers Story. Because even though he was hard on new recruit C.J. for his constant singing and shuffling, I agreed with him, because I dislike "shiftless lazy niggers" too.

But what I have noticed lately is a new form of cooning. It is an even more dangerous, and destructive form of cooning. Because it is cooning cloaked in intellectualism. This form of cooning hides itself behind legitimacy. And so called conscious thoughts, reasoning, and educated points of views are mixed in with it. The old cooning that Snoop, Nipsey, Martin, and the Wayans brothers do is not as dangerous, because we see it for what it is; entertainment. So although the imagery is not good, statements taking a particular position on important social issues of our day aren't being made, and books aren't being published, and there is no pontification about critical social issues on the nightly cable broadcasts from the Snoops of the world.

But make no mistake, the more dangerous coons are out doing these things. They are on blogs, writing books, on the news, and on talk shows every night. These "Looney Coons" as I like to call them [Sorry Warner Brothers & Walt Disney] are dangerous, and should be watched. Because many of the things needed to advance the cause of the poor and disenfranchised will be taken away because of these people. Why you say? I will tell you why. The people at the think tanks, and the politicians whose job it is to effect social and public policy, listen to these people. And the people who hold the purse strings to many of the private foundations and organizations listen to these people. And when these Loony Coons are making statements about black people needing to pull themselves up, and that we should start praying more, and we should do away with affirmative action, and we should let the free market control prices and.....blah, blah, blah, it effects us all in a negative way. You know the old joke: "If you want to hide something from a nigger put it in a book" Well, unfortunately, some of these Looney Coons found some books, and I will be damn if they didn't just lose their freaking minds in the process.

So without further delay, the top ten Looney Coons in America: (Not necessarily in their proper order.. well, except for Clarence Thomas)

1. Clarence Thomas-Yeah, like I would have anyone else here. (Read prior posts)
2. Thomas Sowell-An economist and so called intellectual who is the darling of the conservative movement. Unfortunately, the phrase compassionate conservative is an oxymoron to him.
3. Jesse Jackson-Why oh why is he still held out as the spokes person for black folks? May I suggest an ambassadorship to Syria?
4. Larry Elder- Someone forgot to tell Larry that the whole shock jock thing is played out now.
5. Cynthia McKinney-Yeah I know you got voted out, but girlfriend you are soooo embarrassing. And yeah, I know that cop that pulled you out of the line is probably a racist SOB, but you are a congresswoman for crying out loud; did you really have to go Russell Crowe on the guy with the cell phone? And memo to you; in the future, please surround yourself with smarter people. If you couldn't beat that Hank Johnson character it might be over for you in politics.
6. LaShawn Barber-Hard to believe I am even mentioning this loser in the same post with far more noteworthy and popular figures. But I must, because I suspect that it won't be long before, like Jessie Peterson, she will be propped up by right wing America to speak on all of our-black folks -behalf. And that my friends would be scary. Because this self hating, so called born again christian, (Whatever that is) thinks that god, and personal responsibility will solve all of our problems. She must have forgotten to pray when she say "Katrina" in the Gulf of Mexico; cause god sure wasn't listening to her or anyone else when that bad boy hit.
7. Ray Nagin-And speaking of Katrina, yeah I know the federal government f#$%*d up. ("Brownie you are doing a heck of a job") But my goodness man, did you have to totally lose it like that? "Tens of thousands dead in the streets of New Orleans.." Like what were you thinking? And your chocolate city remark; that was priceless. Yes I, and every other black person agrees with you, but the f#$%^%g mike was on, so you shut your mouth about stuff like that. You never ever ever let white folks know what we are thinking. Do you think they let us know what they are thinking? No, you shut up next time. So for those and other dumb comments, you are on this list.
8. Kofi Annan- U.N. what a joke! As long as that sh#* is going on in Darfur and your organization continues to sit on your ass, you are a Loony Coon in my book. Yeah you grin and smile a lot with world leaders, but you and your organization is a joke. Nice how you jumped all over brokering a deal and cease fire in Lebanon. Do you think your sorry black ass can try to do the same in Africa? Which by the way, the last time I checked, is where you are from.
9. Harold Ford, Jr.-Every time you talk your position changes, does it mean that much to you to get elected? And a little more about your personal life please Tig...I mean Harold.
10. Don King-You really should have been at the top of this list. You epitomize the Looney Coon character. From your hair, to your permanent grin, not to mention your phony loyalty to George Bush. I know you are a hustler from way back, but when you mix your hustle with political statements it's dangerous.

Honorable Mention:

Al. Sharpton - Rev. I don't know how you missed the top ten. I think I will make you 10A.
Ward Connerly-(See previous posts)
Star Parker-I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself.....
Michael Jordon - I will never forgive you for the Jessie Helms fiasco.
Jessie Peterson-(See previous posts)
Michael Eric Dyson-Just shut the F#%& up!
Oprah Winfrey-(See previous posts) Any black book of the month club nominee yet?
Joseph C. Philiips- Is there any agent in Hollywood listening? Joseph needs a job, and quick before he writes another book.
A.M. Tony Clayton- Tony, you are one of my best friends and like a brother to me, but until I hear that you take a deal from a black attorney like you do the white ones; you will stay on this list ;) Oh, and your "Coonie" is in the mail.

Sorry for some of the glitches on the site, but hey, if the field knew anything about computers he would not have gone into a field where he could take as little of the sciences as possible.
The field is out!