Sex On My Mind.

It's Saturday Night and I am doing a little channel surfing, ESPN click, CNN click, TV One click, HBO click....wait HBO...OK, on HBO they are showing this feature called "Real Sex" and there are these people (I won't say their race)at this kind of sex farm pretending that they are all farm animals and doing all types of role playing with kinky sex acts and shit........Oh hell no! Enough of this. Hey, they can do what they want to on the farm, but that doesn't mean I have to watch it.

Then I head to my computer to read a few blogs, and maybe post a comment and I read this over at "Rachel's Tavern". Seems America has a fascination with interracial sex. Rachel makes some good points about the real reason behind the fascination with Bobby Cutts, and the Duke lacrosse case etc. On the Bobby Cutts thing I think I have to agree with her. Because of the name of my blog and the nature of some of my posts you should see the hits I get when people google words like nigger, negro, and anything that has to do with black folks. Lately with this Bobby Cutts thing I have seen quite an uptick in these types of searches, and I suspect that part of the outrage with old Bobby has to do not only with the fact that he might have killed this poor woman, but also with the fact that he was letting his "black snake" make her moan from time to time. Yep, it's a fascinating thing when race and sex intersect in America, and I am sure it makes for an interesting debate and discussion about us on many levels.

So anyway, then I surf over to my girl dnA's blog and I read this about black folks and how we compare to other groups when it comes to getting our groove on. I am not sure what to think of this, after all, we all know about the stereo types of the oversexed black bucks, and the promiscuous black females. ("Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get an Oscar") So I don't know if beating other racial groups in how many times we have sex or how early we started is a good thing. Besides, I think white people lie about how often they have sex. I don't think they count sex with someone they don't really care about as sex. ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman")Maybe one of my white friends who often reads this blog will hip me on that one, I am not too sure. I think I read somewhere that the average American male has had something like seven sexual partners in his lifetime, and the average woman has had something like four. I don't know, that seems low to me. At least for America where we are constantly being inundated with sex it does. I wouldn't be surprised if we were lying about that; I mean we lie about everything else. From Bill Clinton to Mary Housewife from Iowa City, sex is at the top of the list of things we like to lie about. (Honey how was your vacation down in Jamaica? Oh sweetie the girls and I had a wonderful time, our tour guide, Dexter, could not have been nicer, I just wish you were there dear, I missed you so much") Yeah, I know a few of those Dexters down in Jamaica, and let's just say they do as much for Jamaican tourism as those nice beaches, and a certain plant.

I wonder how many sexual partners in a life time is really normal? How many would be too much, and how many would we consider an unrealistically low number? I know I would never ask some woman I really care about how many partners she has had. "So honey I am curious; how many times have you done the nasty in your life'? "Oh field do you really want to know? ""Yeah I think so. "Really?"" Yes really". "Well, let me think about it........oh I don't know, I would say about twenty or so maybe....""how old are you again; thirty? Hey, maybe we should start seeing other people." Memo to all the ladies out there, if you have been with more than one other guy in your life, never give a number to your significant other. But there is the flip side too: "So field, how many times have you had sex in your life?"" Well do all the times with you count as one?" "Ahh yes." "Well then I would say about three times maybe....""ha ha ha ha, yeah right, you are kidding right?" "Yeah yeah, I was just kidding, that's the ticket."

Honestly, a black man can't win out here, even when it comes to something as enjoyable as sex.

I wonder how many guys have been with Lark Voorhies?

Weak Ass Men

When I was a kid growing up I could not touch my older sister no matter what she did to me. She was three years my senior and sometimes she gave me hell. But if I dared put my hand on her, even though I was the youngest, that was my ass. "Never ever put your hand on a woman no matter what" is what my Dad constantly preached and yes I do mean preached to me. ( He was a preacher for crying out loud) That was always right up there with putting my hand in a woman's purse. "Never ever put your hand or look in a woman's purse, no matter what." As an adult that one always brought some angst in my relationships. "Honey can you pass me my keys they are right there in my purse."........."ahhh no dear I can't how about if I just bring you your purse and you get em." "Negro what is it with you and just sticking your hand in my purse?" Bottom line is, I always took what my Dad said to heart, and that stayed with me to this day.

This Bobby Cutts fellow down in Ohio could have used a Dad like mine. Seems my man is now being charged with the murders of this woman (Jessie Davis) and her child. Bobby might not be guilty of murdering this woman and her unborn child, (although it sure doesn't look good for him) but we do know he is guilty of abusing women in the past. Which, along with some great comments from "ari", and "anon." after my previous post, is what led me to post these comments about domestic abuse, and domestic violence.

Here in Philadelphia, workers in the Domestic Relations court system hate the Monday mornings after an Eagles game. They hate it because the line outside the domestic violence unit will be longer, and the bruises on the women will be a little deeper. Unfortunately, it seems that some of their husbands' and boyfriends' Eagles fans like to take an Eagles loss out on their poor wives and/or girlfriends. Domestic violence is a serious matter; and as someone who has seen the very dark side of this demented behaviour, it bothers me more than the average person-- unless of course they happen to be living the nightmare themselves. The statistics are staggering. 85-95% of domestic violence victims are female,over 500,000 women are stalked each year,there are 5.3 million cases of reported abuse each year,and 1,232 people will be killed each year by an intimate partner. The sad truth is that 1 in 4 American women will be victims of domestic violence in their life times. And that's what we know about. Can you imagine all the women that are living with some form of domestic abuse, be it physical or emotional, and are afraid to come forward? Too often when we become aware of such a situation it's too late. Everyone in the country is focused on Bobby Cutts and poor Jessie Davis, but what about the family of four in Illinois that was recently murdered in their SUV by the alleged husband, and father, Christopher Vaughn? How sad is that? I mean we are seeing more and more cases of these animals taking out their families and loved ones, because of their inability to cope with rejection and to control their sick rage.

Let me say for the record; if Bobby Cutts did do what he is being accused of at least participating in, he deserves to get what O.J. Simpson's guilty ass should have gotten, and what Rae Carruth got for killing his pregnant girlfriend. I have no pity or mercy for men who commit acts of violence against women or children. Period! There is just no excuse, I don't care what the circumstances are, or what you claim she did to you. I know that men claim to be victims of domestic violence as well, and I have seen legitimate cases of it. But the far majority of these cases are men against women and to think or say otherwise would be foolhardy and disingenuous.

So let me put this in a racial context for you as well. (You knew that was coming) Brothers, we have it a little harder out here for all the obvious reasons. And sometimes we use that as an excuse to go home and take the shit we put up with out in the world on our significant others, and on our children. That shit is wrong! Because these are the last people we should be hurting or trying to take our frustrations out on. Just remember, that your woman is probably the only person out here who truly has your back. After all, she is with your black ass, in spite of what you are going through. Just remember that shit. Just because your daddy might have whupped your mother's ass, does not give you an excuse to continue the cycle, you have to be stronger than he was, and you have to e able to recognize the problem. I know the shit our here is hard, but that's not her fault, that woman is probably the only peace and solace you will have from this crazy f****d world we live in. So the next time you think of raising your hand or your voice at her, save that passion and emotion for something or someone that is really f*****g with your life; like George Bush, or Dick Cheney, or even the person looking at you in the mirror.

Before I go, here are two great organizations dealing with domestic violence that you should be aware of:

WomensLaw.org

Domestic Violence.org