DON'T LET THE DOOR KNOB HIT YA!

I am in a blue blue mood folks; not because of the rainy weather here in Philly, but because the people spoke loud and clear and threw some of the bums out. Yes folks, the elections are over, and the field is jigging just like his house negro friends right about now. Today, I am proud to be an American, proud of my fellow citizens for voting the rethuglican majority out of Washington, proud of the black voters in areas like Philly, St. Louis, and Richmond, for coming out and voting ideology over race. We- black folks- were not hoodwinked by republican plants like Blackwell, Swann, and Steele. {Mike, I do like puppies, but I just don't like your party} And we sent them packing to rethink their convictions and their soul.

So let's do a little election Monday morning quarterbacking shall we. Let's look at the worse republican giveaway since post Watergate in 1974. The republicans tried to make this election about values, and things like immigration to energize their base. After all, nothing like a little divisiveness to fire up the troops. Fortunately, no one was buying it, and quite a bit of their own base stayed home. -Covering up improper behaviour with senate pages will have that type of effect-Even white males, according to the exit polls, barely favored the GOP over the dems. All this added up to a long night for the grand old party.

Let's start with the field's home state of Pennsylvania. My man Lynn Swann got his ass kicked by fast Eddy-I told you so-up and down, and yes, I believe a primary would have helped him, but he still would have lost. Memo to republicans; just because your black candidate is charismatic, can string two words together, and you feel comfortable around him, does not mean that other black folks will vote for him. He has to have a grasp of the issues that effects us, and we have to sense that he genuinely wants top speak for those of us who do not have a voice. Until you can find that candidate, your outreach with these handpicked tokens will always come up a little short.

And let's not forget about my man Rick Sanitarium-which is where I thought he belonged in the last days of his race- Here is a guy who represented the worse in American politics. A divisive fear monger er, who intruded on a woman's death bed, and who wanted to ban the sale of birth control pills for crying out loud! Mr. Right Wing actually thought Pennsylvanians would send his slick K street ass back to Washington. Sorry Rick; maybe now you can work full time for your K street pals, or write another book. But don't worry, either way, you will be rolling in the dough. I am sure those mega churches will have you on their speaking circuit real soon too.

Some of what I said about Slick Rick applies to Area 51 man, Curt Weldon, as well. Mr. Weldon blamed his loss on the main stream media exposing his shady dealing on behalf of his daughter. Yeah shoot the messenger Curt! No Curt, you lost because you were corrupt, and if you saw the exit polls, corruption was on the minds of the voters this time around. So stop bitching-I saw your concession speech- and be a man and slink off to K street where you can join your pal Rick, and roll in that corporate dough.

Yes my friends, locally, it's been mostly blue around the field. Southeastern Pennsylvania went big time democrat, and I couldn't be happier. Now on a national level; I hate to say I told you so, but.....Harold, I told you so. There was no way those folks in Eastern Tennessee were going to make you their Senator. I don't care how much you found religion, how much you embraced hunting and the NRA, how hawkish you became, and how light your skin is; to them, you were just another Memphis n*&*#r who didn't know his place. And if they needed reminding, the RNC did just that with blondie in that little ad. Come on Harold, I know you don't think that it was a coincidence that your opponent starting gaining on you and left you in the dust after that little ad. do you? Harold, like your republican counterparts, you might need to come to the fields more often, and get a real lesson on race relations in some parts of this country.

Still no final word yet on macaca man. But if there is a God, he goes down like the rest of his sorry ass republican friends. No, not because he is a racist son of a b%#@*, but because he is a lying racist son of a b%#*@. And to think this guy almost became our President. And speaking of President, I hope the frat boy is getting some high priced lawyers together, because if people like my man John Conyers (D-Mich) has is way; there is going to be -as Ricky Ricardo used to say) "splaining to do" in Washington. Yes, when my man Henry Waxman (D-Cal) is through with you republicans and your big business friends, you will wish you never saw Washington D.C. Old Henry can be tough -remember what he did to big tobacco in 1994? Repeat after me folks; subpoena time! According to one Democratic aide on the hill, there are some "uninvestigated scandals" to look in to. Mmmmmm, does that mean that they are going to look into the frat boy's friends at Haliburten, and the energy companies, not to mention the CIA?
We can only hope and prey. I believe in bad people getting theirs, and there are some truly bad people in Washington, and around this President. Almost three thousand young men have died for a political war, and damn it, there should be some consequences for these clowns.

So Nancy, you go girl, I want investigations on top of investigations. I don't want you to be gracious, and I don't want you to reach across the isle. F*&% them! They never reached across to you, and had they won, it would have been business as usual. So please, let your committee chairmen like Waxman, and Conyers loose. I want investigations, and dare I say it; I even want you to look into..... well, you know, the "I" word. If only to scare the frat boy, and let him know that he can't just go around taking the rights away of Americans to get a few red state votes.
Yes Nancy, work on minimum wage, a new energy policy, health care issues, and a rock solid plan to bring our boys home. But don't forget to investigate these crooks for what they have done to our country over the past six years. I guess when you control all four branches of government you can get pretty drunk with power. But damn, could the republicans have put the bottle down just once.

Finally, I see where Donald Rumsfeld stepped down today. "rummy you are doing a heck of a job", oh wait, that was Brownie. But you get the idea. It took a mandate from the American people to get the frat boy to fire his incompetent Secretary of defense. {Condi you should be next} And of course, as is always the case when he is in trouble, the frat boy has brought in one of daddy's men-Bob Gates- to bail him out. Always listen to your father frat boy, you wouldn't be in this mess now if you did.

Anyway, the field has to go now. I am going to watch the FAKE NEWS NETWORK go into some conservative blogs, and listen to conservative talk radio for some laughs. I am really enjoying this!

Life is so good, I actually think I see a rainbow.

What's That Smell?

Excuse me America but someone just farted. I can smell it, and I am sure you can too. But like all decent people do when they are in the company of strangers, I am sure you are pretending you don't. But how can you not smell it, it's so strong, and stink. The thing is, whoever did it, let go with one of those silent ones, the real killers, the real stink bombs!

Why is every one still talking and pretending there is no stench in the air? Am I the only one with a sense of smell? I mean come on, I know my nose is bigger than that of everyone else but surely we all can smell can't we? Well I am going to say it right now; it wasn't me. Whenever I want to fart, I excuse myself from America's living room, because I know that nobody likes that smell. Yep, I only fart around friends, people who I know and trust. People I can laugh about it with, and can just blurt it out, instead of having to squeeze off one of those silent ones.

But someone among us has no sense of etiquette or how our culture works. I think it's that pesky "Past" guy, he is always doing things like farting and smelling up our living room. Someone ought to tell him that it's not polite to fart in public like that, and especially among strangers. Here in America we like to keep our living room clean and smelling really nice. After all, we want our guests to be able to come into our home and say what a nice place we have. We want them to leave and go back to their homes and say things like: Boy I wish my home was like America. Clean, fresh smelling, and all the family members get along so well.

But every now and then, that "Past" that, ah ahm, "black sheep" in our family forgets about how he should behave. And he does something like this; he farts. Now he has farted in the middle of an important time in America; election season. A time when we are going to choose the people to go out and buy the furniture for our living room, and decide how we will spend our money to keep our wonderful house-if you will- going. These people are important, and we are trying to elect them, and "Past" is smelling up the room with his nasty "N" word farts. Those are the worst kind too, because they really really stink, and they make every one want to leave the room. Because, let's face it, no one wants others in the room thinking it's them.

I know what we have to do, we have to throw "Past" out of our house, or at least keep him out of the living room. That way he can't go stinking up the joint with his farts. I mean decent people just don't do that type of stuff. But not "Past" he has no shame, and no sense of what we are trying to achieve here.

Sometimes we all wish "Past" wasn't even here, that he wasn't a family member and we didn't have to deal with him at all. But what are we going to do? He is, after all, family. And we are stuck with the guy. We just have to get him under control that's all; and teach him how to behave in the living room. He makes it just way too embarrassing for too many people.

So "Past" I am calling you out, because I don't want the people in the house looking at the field like I need a bath or something. It was you "Past", and I want every one to know it. Anyway,the next time you decide to stink up our beautiful home, you better think twice, or we are going to put you right down there in the basement with "History" and the rest of those rebellious kids. You got it?

Now will someone please pass the air freshener? I think "Past" did it again!

NIgger Coming Home To Roost.

Well folks it seems my "macaca" friend is in the news again. You remember him don't you? He called an Indian American staffer of his opponent, S.R. Sidarth, a "macaca" or monkey. Yeah that guy. Well this time, a former teammate at UVA outed him about racial slurs he made about us black folks while he was the QB no less for those "Wahoos".

Anyway, this isn't just some normal outing. The man that did the outing is a former teammate and friend who played wide receiver on the same team with George Allen,-damn those wide receivers-and is now a practicing physician, and apparently a pillar of his community down in North Carolina.

Now of course George Allen according to the AP has "vehemently denied" these charges, and he calls them"ludicrously false". He has even had five former teammates come out to support him. -Like what else did you expect? They were going to come out and say, yeah we got together and called those black folks niggers all the time. Heck, they have reputations to protect too - Yeah sure you didn't George, and do you really expect any normal thinking person to believe you? Now don't get me wrong, and the field has been consistent with this position all along. You are not alone George. In fact, I suspect that if what happened in the dark would come to light, most white men over forty who lived South of the Mason Dixon line-or north of it- has dropped the "N" word at some point in their life. The key of course, is the company in which they drop it. Most white folks have learned that you NEVER EVER say that word in public, or around people that you can't trust. -black or white-This is true especially of white folks who have something to lose and who must seem politically correct at all times. Of course, the problem with Mr. Allen is that he did not have a crystal ball back then, and he could not have known that he was going to become a member of that most distinguished of all clubs, the American senate. Now fast forward to 2006, and Georgie porgie finds himself in the fight of his life to go back to Washington, and this little nigger thing is getting in the way.

George, I have a name for you: Mark Fuhrman. Remember that guys little nigger snafu? Yep, it caused a killer to walk free, and damn near destroyed an entire city. This was F. Lee Bailey to the FAUX NEWS analyst and racist dejure. "You say under oath that you have not addressed any black person as a nigger or spoken about black people as niggers in the past ten years Detective Fuhrman?" And of course, then came the now infamous reply that freed OJ
and set race relations back fifty years in America. "That's what I am saying sir" We all know the rest; as it turns out Mr. Fuhrman was lying, kind of like I suspect the good senator is. In fact, after listening to Larry Sabato a political scientist from UVA on "Hardball" with Chris Mathews tonight. I would bet my prized Al Kaline baseball card Allen is lying. But what else is he going to do? The guy wants to be President one day for crying out loud. And believe me on this one. White folks do not want a President that was outed with the "N" word. It just wouldn't look....well...American. After all, we like to keep those types of things in the closet. Gotta keep that lie of racial harmony alive in the home of the brave and the land of some free.

Now of course, we all know that this little revelation will not give all Virginians pause as to whether they should vote for George or not. In fact, I suspect that it will help him in some parts of the state more than hurt him. After all, many of my republican friends will reason, it was over thirty years ago, and didn't we all do things we weren't proud of at some point? And the answer to that is; of course we did. But we didn't lie about it to millions of people in order to get elected. Hey, I am going to confess right now; I called a white guy a cracker once...actually more than once, and I am not proud of it. Actually, if I could go back in time I would have maybe said things a little differently. Maybe I would have called him just whitey or something. But I didn't, I called him cracker, and I am ashamed of it, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Gee, that actually felt pretty good. I wonder why George doesn't do that? I would certainly understand, as I am sure most black folks would. But he won't, because you would have to damn near give a white man in that position the Chinese water torture before he admits in public that he called us niggers, even to a bunch of his Friends.

So George, at the end of the day, you will probably get elected, because Virginians won't let a little nigger comment get in the way of good government. I mean, didn't that state's most revered native son, have a little black mistress on the side, knocking the boots, while enslaving her people? Yeah I thought so.

Finally George, I guess you still have to deny deny and just hope this goes away. Maybe you can check over in the house, and see if you can find one of those house Negroes to come out and vouch for you? They do it all the time. Hold a press conference with a house negro on the left, and house negro on the right. Give them each a nice hug, and have them say things like; Senator Allen has been really good for black Virginians, and I have known this man all of my life and there is not a racist bone in his body. Then smile with them, give em a soul shake, look your constituents in the eye and say: Now would someone that uses the "N" word have done that?