Mission Impossible?

Ken Mhelman stepped down as RNC chairman yesterday, and the buzz around Washington is that the Republicans will offer the job to Michael Steel. That is, of course, if he doesn't take a job in the Bush cabinet as housing Secretary. Anyway, this is a move, I am sure, on the part of republicans to once again court the black vote. I mean they must look at election results time and time again, see that once again, they only got about 9% of the black vote, and pull whatever hair they have left, out. I can hear them in the back rooms now: "I know that guy Steele ran a pretty good race, and he is funny, upbeat, and telegenic. He is just the type of guy we need to reach out to the blacks" Now, they might or might not be right, and if he does takes the job, Mr. Steele just might be terrific at it.

But I have a few words of advise for Michael before he becomes the new black face of the republican party. -Sorry Condi- Your party has been despised by black folks all these years for a reason. Us black folks have this sixth sense about us, we can sense and see things that other people can't. And it has always proven to be an invaluable tool when it comes to telling us who our friends really are. Our sixth sense always tells us that your Republicans friends aren't our friend, and we aren't really welcome in your tent. Oh, you will tell us we are welcome, but somehow our sixth sense always says otherwise.

This is why no matter how much republicans try to reach out to us, it never works. Oh, we will politely tell them that we will consider voting for the republican candidate , but we never do. We will let you them our homes, and our space to tell us their position, but we ain't voting for them no matter what- At least 90% of us aren't. So Michael, this is what you will have to overcome, that sixth sense of ours that never seems to let us down.

Now, please don't get it twisted, it's not just the sixth sense. There are legitimate noticeable reasons for black folks turning against the republican party: Remember Ronald Reagan in Philadelphia, Mississippi, back in 1980, giving that infamous speech supporting states rights? Remember Nixon's 1968 "Southern Strategy? Remember Barry Goldwater opposing The Civil Rights Act of 1964? Remember Herbert Hoover? Remember republican strategist Lee Atwater's statement? "you start out in 1954 by saying Nigger,nigger, nigger, By 1968 you can't say nigger without it backfiring, so you say stuff like forced busing,states rights, and all that stuff" Mmmmmm, all that stuff huh Lee? Stuff like Willie Horton, "Harold call me", a black hand taking away a job from a white hand for Jessie Helms? But this is what you will be trying to overcome Michael, and the field is just trying to help you out. Hey, when your predecessor, Ken Mhelman, tried to apologize for the republican southern strategy, two of your biggest mouth pieces, Rush Limpboy, and Sean Hannety, denounced him.

So it's all uphill for you if you take this job Michael, and I don't know if you will be able to pull it off. You see how many black folks voted against you for the white democratic candidate in your own race don't you? This, even though you ran as far away from the frat boy as possible. That ought to tell you something: Party affiliation to the democratic party trumps even race with most black folks. So you just might want to think about that before you take the job.

Now don't get me wrong, I would love to see more black folks embracing the republican party. I, for one, do not believe that we should be monolithic in our voting. I would never want one party to take us for granted, as the democrats have done from time to time. Hey, Rosa Parks herself begged J.C. Watts to stay in Congress and represent the republican party. But hey, if it's not there it's not there. There is too much of a history here between us black folks and the party of Lincoln. Too much mistrust, too much ass given to kiss, too much David Dukes, Trent Lotts, and macaca men. And yes the Democratic Senator Robert Byrd was a former Klansman, and he did try to stymie the passing of crucial civil rights legislation in the sixties with a filibuster. But somehow black folks forgive him-it's that sixth sense again- and not Trent Lott. We never seem to forget the sh*& republicans do, but we give the dems a pass. Remember Clinton and Sistah Souljah? Of course you do; democrats can use us and get away with it, but republicans can't. Hey these old wounds were deep, and it will take a long time to heal. "Well there goes the South" I know LBJ, and it ain't been back ever since.

So good luck Mike, I really do hope you can make an impact among black folks. At least that sixth sense doesn't go off when we are around you. We really do feel like you are one of us, and that's a huge start.

****I would like to say RIP to two field Negroes who recently passed away.

Ed Bradley; sixty minutes was never enough for you my man. I loved the fact that you never forgot your Philly roots, and you kept it one hundred percent at all times.

Gerald Levert; Like your Pop, you had some serious pipes, and you left your people with some good ass music. The fields will be alive with the sounds of R&B tonight.

I'm out.

NIgger Coming Home To Roost.

Well folks it seems my "macaca" friend is in the news again. You remember him don't you? He called an Indian American staffer of his opponent, S.R. Sidarth, a "macaca" or monkey. Yeah that guy. Well this time, a former teammate at UVA outed him about racial slurs he made about us black folks while he was the QB no less for those "Wahoos".

Anyway, this isn't just some normal outing. The man that did the outing is a former teammate and friend who played wide receiver on the same team with George Allen,-damn those wide receivers-and is now a practicing physician, and apparently a pillar of his community down in North Carolina.

Now of course George Allen according to the AP has "vehemently denied" these charges, and he calls them"ludicrously false". He has even had five former teammates come out to support him. -Like what else did you expect? They were going to come out and say, yeah we got together and called those black folks niggers all the time. Heck, they have reputations to protect too - Yeah sure you didn't George, and do you really expect any normal thinking person to believe you? Now don't get me wrong, and the field has been consistent with this position all along. You are not alone George. In fact, I suspect that if what happened in the dark would come to light, most white men over forty who lived South of the Mason Dixon line-or north of it- has dropped the "N" word at some point in their life. The key of course, is the company in which they drop it. Most white folks have learned that you NEVER EVER say that word in public, or around people that you can't trust. -black or white-This is true especially of white folks who have something to lose and who must seem politically correct at all times. Of course, the problem with Mr. Allen is that he did not have a crystal ball back then, and he could not have known that he was going to become a member of that most distinguished of all clubs, the American senate. Now fast forward to 2006, and Georgie porgie finds himself in the fight of his life to go back to Washington, and this little nigger thing is getting in the way.

George, I have a name for you: Mark Fuhrman. Remember that guys little nigger snafu? Yep, it caused a killer to walk free, and damn near destroyed an entire city. This was F. Lee Bailey to the FAUX NEWS analyst and racist dejure. "You say under oath that you have not addressed any black person as a nigger or spoken about black people as niggers in the past ten years Detective Fuhrman?" And of course, then came the now infamous reply that freed OJ
and set race relations back fifty years in America. "That's what I am saying sir" We all know the rest; as it turns out Mr. Fuhrman was lying, kind of like I suspect the good senator is. In fact, after listening to Larry Sabato a political scientist from UVA on "Hardball" with Chris Mathews tonight. I would bet my prized Al Kaline baseball card Allen is lying. But what else is he going to do? The guy wants to be President one day for crying out loud. And believe me on this one. White folks do not want a President that was outed with the "N" word. It just wouldn't look....well...American. After all, we like to keep those types of things in the closet. Gotta keep that lie of racial harmony alive in the home of the brave and the land of some free.

Now of course, we all know that this little revelation will not give all Virginians pause as to whether they should vote for George or not. In fact, I suspect that it will help him in some parts of the state more than hurt him. After all, many of my republican friends will reason, it was over thirty years ago, and didn't we all do things we weren't proud of at some point? And the answer to that is; of course we did. But we didn't lie about it to millions of people in order to get elected. Hey, I am going to confess right now; I called a white guy a cracker once...actually more than once, and I am not proud of it. Actually, if I could go back in time I would have maybe said things a little differently. Maybe I would have called him just whitey or something. But I didn't, I called him cracker, and I am ashamed of it, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Gee, that actually felt pretty good. I wonder why George doesn't do that? I would certainly understand, as I am sure most black folks would. But he won't, because you would have to damn near give a white man in that position the Chinese water torture before he admits in public that he called us niggers, even to a bunch of his Friends.

So George, at the end of the day, you will probably get elected, because Virginians won't let a little nigger comment get in the way of good government. I mean, didn't that state's most revered native son, have a little black mistress on the side, knocking the boots, while enslaving her people? Yeah I thought so.

Finally George, I guess you still have to deny deny and just hope this goes away. Maybe you can check over in the house, and see if you can find one of those house Negroes to come out and vouch for you? They do it all the time. Hold a press conference with a house negro on the left, and house negro on the right. Give them each a nice hug, and have them say things like; Senator Allen has been really good for black Virginians, and I have known this man all of my life and there is not a racist bone in his body. Then smile with them, give em a soul shake, look your constituents in the eye and say: Now would someone that uses the "N" word have done that?