"Baby Daddy Drama"

People who are regular readers of this blog, know that I am pretty much a libertarian when it comes to social matters, and people's behavior in their bedrooms. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, I really could care less what you do in the privacy of your own home. Want to sleep with women, cool with me. Want to sleep with men, cool with me. Want to sleep with your pet rabbit or your German Shepard; I really don't give a f**k.

But having said that, I want to draw the line on certain forms of bedroom behavior and I am going to tell you why: Today I was having lunch with a colleague who happens to be a prosecutor in our local child support office here. And during lunch he was telling me about a plaintiff who was reading him the riot act in court, all because she didn't think the city was doing enough to get child support from her babies father. She was dropping the "F" bomb, and carrying on so much that she almost had to be arrested her damn self for disrupting the courtroom. So of course I asked the question that those of us in this business always ask each other. An unfortunate little inside joke that we all share among ourselves. "How many cases did the defendant have?" "Take a guess field." He was laughing, but not really, it was more like a; I have to laugh to keep from crying kind of laugh. "Ahhh three." "Try five. Yep, her baby daddy had five damn cases. All active, and he was not paying on any of them, and she was mad at me."

So back to that line I want to draw. And some of you are going to be mad at me for this; but I have to keep it 100% with you. As I said earlier, I have no problem with the private behavior of adults as long as it's consensual. That is, at least, until your damn behavior starts affecting me. See it's like this: When you go around having babies for mother f*****s who are not taking care of the children they already have, then it's a problem. When you meet a man who has three, four, or five kids with say three different women, and he is spending more time with you than with his damn kids; well then we have a problem. Because guess what; someone is going to have to take care of your children, because more often or not you are not going to have the means to do it by your lonesome. Unfortunately you are going to end up in court one day, begging some poor District Attorney to help you get the child support money that your baby daddy owes you.

And before we make this a gender battle, let me say right now for the record: As a man I am ashamed of some of these trifling ass brothers out here having multiple children with different women and not handling their responsibilities as fathers. But...(you knew that was coming) my question to the ladies is this: Do you have to give up the unprotected booty to these brothers? I mean seriously, if the mother f*****r is not taking care of the children he has with some other poor woman, what makes you think he is going to take care of yours? I mean what makes you any different than the last woman he tricked? Hey, I understand that sh** happens, and yes you are going to meet brothers who already have children with other women. After all, this is the real world we are talking about, and real sh**happens. But watch how he treats his children, even if he does not get along with their mother. If he is paying his child support to that other woman, or she does not have him in court because he is taking care of business, well then more than likely when the sh** hits the fan, please believe that he will pay you child support, or take care of your children as well.

So I draw the line with behavior that brings us (society) children who are not properly cared for. Sisters get your freak on all you want, but please be careful who you get your freak on with. If you think you can take care of your children all by yourself, and can provide for them both emotionally and financially, well then by all means have a hundred of those little crumb snatchers. But when things don't work out because you decided to hook up with some sweet talking loser. Please do not curse out your local District Attorney because you can't get your child support money. The poor schmuck is just doing his job. Just like your "baby daddy" should have been doing after he impregnated you.

(Court) House Negro

I rarely blog about real sh** that goes on in my day to day existence, but I am compelled to put down some thoughts on what transpired with yours truly and a sister today in the course of doing my law hustle.

So here I was rushing into the court room to defend a client who was allegedly openly selling her...ahh body for money on a public street. She was charged with obstructing a public highway which is basically a glorified loitering charge here in Philly. Girlfriend had some priors so it wasn't just an in and out kind of deal. Still, given the nature of the charges, the field planned to plead out. Try to get non-supervised probation, and maybe community service, and be on my way. If I am really lucky, the arresting officer doesn't show up-hey, it's almost Christmas, cops have families too- and the Judge happens to be in one of those moods and throws out this bad boy.

So I go over to the Assistant District Attorneys' table, and as is customary, ask who is handling my case. Well low and behold it was a sister. I had never seen her before, and I am guessing she was just out of law school. Probably some Ivy League hook up like Penn, or Columbia. Folks, our District Attorney here in Philly loves Ivy league law school grads, especially of the Penn Law persuasion. Although Lord knows I don't know why. They get their asses kicked on a daily basis, and I am guessing some street smart kid that went to some state law school or an HBC would do a much better job out here in the real world. But I seriously digress. So here is this sister giving me the fuzzy eye ball treatment, just because.... I don't know, I wish someone could tell me. But I am guessing just because she...well f**k it, she is a house negro.

"Hi I am the field, and I represent Mrs. Brown (Not her real name), you must be new, what's your name?" Now folks, this is exactly what I said, and how the conversation went down. She then looks me up and down, and says something like: "I am A-D-A- Jones" (Not her real last name) So this is where it really went down hill, because I think I said something like: "I am sorry is your name Ada and you were spelling it for me?" She was not amused, nor did she see just how stupid and pretentious she was coming off. She literally threw the discovery file at me without saying another word, and proceeded to engage someone else in conversation.

Now here is my question: Just why does it have to be like this between us? Girlfriend clearly wanted me to know from the door that she was not my friend and she was not going to cut a deal. The irony is, that there are a number of white ADA's in her office who I consider friends, and who would have thought nothing of giving me a deal with this bu** sh*t case. But no, not the house negro, not black Marsha Clark. And there she was cheesing with an older white defense lawyer in the room, and totally ignoring the field. (I bet she gives him a deal) Now before you go thinking, oh field you are just being petty because girlfriend ignored you, so she bruised your male ego while just doing her job, get over it already. No, I can't get over it, because first of all it wasn't even about my ego. Yes girlfriend wasn't hard on the eyes, but it's not like she was a certifiable dime piece or anything. Hey, unless the Larkster herself disses the field, no diss is personal, not on a boy girl tip. Besides, this was a totally professional environment, and trust me, the last thing I was looking for was love.

But back to my question. Why do the house Negroes among us have to behave this way? From the white collar lawyer to the blue collar security guard. We uphold Mr. Charlies rules and we are his gate keepers. We do that sh*t with stronger passion, and with more energy than even Mr. Charlie does. We defend his store and all his things as if our lives depended on it, and we give no quarter, especially when it comes to other black people when a little give and take is all that's needed. And don't tell me that you haven't experienced it. You know what I am talking about; the lady at the customer service desk who won't let you scratch your ass without a picture I.D., the security guard who is all too willing to shade you while you browse through Massa's store-meanwhile the white haired old lady is robbing the place blind-and the cop-remember that scene in Boyz N the Hood?-who will let you have it a little harder just because you look like him, and you embarrass him because you are out doing the sh** you do. So this was ADA Jones, the "gate keeper", but only for other n****rs not Mr. Charlie, after all, she is working for him. Or so she thinks. So she has to impress him, and show him that just because she is one of them doesn't mean that she can't be tougher stricter in her actions, even if it means bending over backwards to f**k them. It's why I am never surprised when a black police officer is involved with the questionable shooting of another black man. The Negro must protect the house at any cost.

"Mr. Field are you prepared with your case?" " Yes I am your honor." "Is the Commonwealth ready?" " No your Honor, we are not, it seems Officer Kelly (Not his real last name) is unavailable, he might be on vacation your honor." " You honor, the defense is going to ask that this matter be dismissed as this is the second listing, and they weren't ready the last time." "Defense request granted, this matter is dismissed!" I am looking at ADA Jones, and I think her makeup is starting to run. I wonder if she knew that this was the second listing?

Sorry black Marsha Clark, you should have taken the deal.

"Thank you your Honor, may I be excused?" " You may field, and have a nice day." You too your honor, and have a happy holiday."

The look on a house Negro's face as my client switches out of the court room. Priceless!